00:00We send baby pics to each other and talk about babies all the time.
00:12No, well, no, she's actually not in favor of any of this.
00:17This is not saying I will not marry.
00:19This is only saying if a baby happens before we get married, we have this in place.
00:25That's all.
00:26Sunday's episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta was an interesting one.
00:30If you've been watching this season, you know that Portia Williams has been talking about having a baby with her new boyfriend, Todd.
00:36But she wants him to sign a baby nut before she gets pregnant, which will stipulate all his responsibilities as a co-parent.
00:43So today's viewers poll is this.
00:47Would you have a co-parent agreement or a baby nut before getting pregnant?
00:51Use hashtag Essence Live to vote, and we'll read the results later in the show.
00:57Joining us right now via Skype is family law attorney Crystal Holmes, who can share some insight on this topic.
01:04Welcome to the show, Crystal.
01:06Thank you for having me.
01:07Great.
01:08Can you tell us exactly what is a baby nut, and is this even a correct legal term?
01:14Well, as Portia's boyfriend asked, is this a real, real thing?
01:18Uh, no, it's not.
01:20Um, you have to be really careful when parties decide to have babies and they're not married, um, because you can't, you can't contract things such as visitation and custody and even child support in that manner.
01:37Um, if you do, you can always write down an agreement, and of course I encourage clients to try to agree to as many things as they can, but if you do, you might find out later that a lot of those terms in this baby nut are not going to be enforceable in a court of law.
01:54Now, is a baby nut a better option than child support, or can you have both?
01:58No, it's not a better option, because if you have a part, if you agree in a baby nut to child support, it's not enforceable.
02:07So if that, uh, non-custodial parent doesn't follow their obligations and pay the child support per this baby nut, you're kind of left out in the wind.
02:17You will have to go to the court.
02:19Okay, so we saw Portia on Real House of Atlanta struggle to get her boyfriend to sign the baby nut.
02:25How do you approach a man about this?
02:28What should, and what should his reaction be about moving forward?
02:32Basically, how do you go about legally co-parenting the child that you're about to have?
02:37Right.
02:38It's, it's a hard thing.
02:39Now, of course, the, a baby nut would be similar to, I guess, what you would know as a prenuptial agreement.
02:46And if parties are planning on getting married, they can put certain things that relate to a baby in a prenupt.
02:52For example, who's going to be responsible for the medical expenses in giving birth for this child, for example.
02:59But when it comes to, like I said, custody and visitation, that's a different story.
03:05Moms and dads just need to try to come together and talk about these things before the baby comes.
03:09That's always great.
03:10But once the baby is born, you need to take that additional step in drafting a formal agreement that can then be turned into a court order that will address your child support and address your custody and visitation issues.
03:26You know, we read a story in The Guardian.
03:28Leah Hunter wrote about how she and her partner did not want to have child support.
03:33Do you advise women against that if you supposedly have a good relationship with your partner?
03:39Well, you know, you don't have to go to the courts if you don't need to.
03:42If you have a great relationship with your partner and you trust them, you don't need to go to the court.
03:47However, understand that in order to have child support awarded, you will have to go to a court.
03:53Now, you can always come to the table and agree and do an agreement, but it will have to become a court order.
04:00Okay.
04:01Now, I'm assuming that the law already covers responsibility for children in marriage, but should engaged women get a baby nut too?
04:11Engaged women probably should have some sort of document that outlines what the responsibilities are going to be, not necessarily for the children or the potential child,
04:21but how are we going to deal with costs for the baby and those types of things.
04:26But like I said, understand, as far as visitation and custody and child support, that's not going to be legally enforceable.
04:33So let's hope, assuming they don't get married, they need to understand that that document is not going to help them necessarily in a court of law.
04:42It could be used as evidence, but it's not something that's going to be enforceable.
04:45In your practice, have you ever had a client come to you with this idea of a baby nut?
04:52Oh, yeah.
04:53They want to know what can they do.
04:55A lot of times, one party has cut off the other party.
04:59Someone's pregnant.
05:00They won't speak to them.
05:02And there's really not much you can do in that scenario, but wait until the baby is born and address it with the courts.
05:09But, yes, people do come and, you know, like I explained to them, just like I'm explaining on this show right now,
05:15you can't really put provisions involving custody, visitation, or limiting child support in this kind of document.
05:24Okay.
05:24Crystal, thank you so much for joining us.
05:27Kayla, what are folks saying about this on social?
05:30People are very, very passionate.
05:32So Monica Shannon says, no, it's ridiculous.
05:34It's like you're planning for the worst.
05:35You should always do it, but if you're that immature and insecure, you don't have any business trying to have a baby with someone.
05:41Debbie Thomas says, why?
05:43It's called child support.
05:44Tonya Arrington says, he better think it through because Portia is not the brightest.
05:49Cheryl Beecher says, yes, I want an agreement.
05:51These men run off most of the time.
05:53Clapping hands emoji.
05:55Charmaine Noble says, this is so bonkers.
05:57Why not just find a man who wants you forever, marry him, and then have the babies?
06:02So, mix bag.
06:05They say, no, it's complete.
06:09You just like that one.
06:10So, go in.
06:10See you.
06:11Go in.
06:12See you.
06:12Go in.
06:13See you.
06:14Go in.
06:15See you.
06:16There.
06:17Come in.
06:18See you.
06:21Go in.
06:23Go in.
06:24Go in.
06:27We'll be right.
06:30Go in.
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