- 2 months ago
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00:00Satsang with Mooji
02:32Shut up.
02:34Come on.
02:36It won't stop.
02:38Shut up.
02:40Of course you're envious of him.
02:47No, I'm not.
02:48Not really.
02:49I don't blame you.
02:50He's on TV the whole time.
02:51I'm fed up with him and I wasn't at college with him.
02:52I'm not, Janet.
02:54You hate him.
02:55That's fine.
02:57He's clearly desperate to be Mr. Pointyhead, the bishop.
03:00Imagine if he was bloody funny on Graham Norton.
03:04He was always not drinking at the right parties and chatting up the bishop of London.
03:10Oh, ho, ho, Richard.
03:11You must come over sometime and I'll dribble all over you.
03:15And you're not like that, thank God.
03:16That's why I love you.
03:17No.
03:18You're doing what you were called to do with integrity for the parishioners.
03:22Without all that church manoeuvring and media stuff.
03:24Yes, I could be doing it.
03:27Choose not to.
03:30Stephen Warwick works on a one show.
03:32Oh, darling, please don't try and get on the one show.
03:36No, I'm not.
03:37But it would get me noticed by the bishop.
03:41Oh, look.
03:43Oh, Christ.
03:45I'm sure there'll be a naked centrefold of a minute next week.
03:48Hello, Colin.
03:52Hello.
03:52What's crack-a-lackin', Vicka?
03:55Oh, hello, Mick.
03:55Your worship.
03:57Yeah, yeah.
03:57See, way easier.
03:58I've got a new job now.
03:59I'm a cycle courier.
04:01Well, my bike just got nipped.
04:02I can't believe you.
04:04No, neither can I.
04:05You're a cycle courier.
04:06Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:07I left it outside the pub for like two minutes.
04:09It's gone.
04:11People are scum, man.
04:13So I need to get to South End so I can buy my brother's bike.
04:16I was just hoping you could let me do a cool train set so I could get there, get to work
04:20and do my day's work.
04:22Right.
04:22The thing is, I don't normally give out money.
04:26Hey, you're a vicar.
04:26You can't be tacked.
04:27You've got to lend me.
04:28You've got to...
04:28Easy, Mrs. Vicka.
04:32Morning.
04:33Hey, morning.
04:34This man's after a train fare to South End so he can work.
04:38Well, I'm off to the station now.
04:40So if you come along with me, I'll make sure you get a ticket.
04:43No, there's no need for that.
04:45Yes, there is.
04:45Come on.
04:48Come along.
04:48This woman, just leave me alone.
04:51I'm being kidnapped.
04:52Kidnapping me.
04:53I hope you'll be along for the first of my singles-only suppers.
05:06SOS, I'm calling them.
05:07Okay, when is it?
05:08Monday the 15th.
05:09I have told you, Adam.
05:10It is in the diary.
05:11Yes, okay, I'll come.
05:12Good.
05:13Confirmed.
05:14I think the six o'clock suppers will be more of a success than the breakfasts.
05:17A lot of the men are depressed, not very good at getting up.
05:19Now, I need some investments.
05:21My predecessor poked off with all the good tat.
05:25Father Winters at St. Clems has a magnificent chance of Gothic golden red.
05:30He looks majestic.
05:30No, he doesn't.
05:31He looks like Dumbledore with his huge flappy wizard sleeves.
05:36Oh, look at her.
05:38I've got that shirt, actually, in mint green.
05:43Well, I think I'll stick with the black.
05:46Did you see Roland Wise's article in The Telegraph today?
05:49Very interesting on the subject of Syriac liturgy of the third century, I thought.
05:53Now, don't you start.
05:54I've already had him in bed with me this morning.
06:01Hello, Colin.
06:04We missed you at prayer this morning.
06:06Yeah, sorry, Vickridge.
06:07I and I met this fascinating man who's uplifted me.
06:11He's playing bongos outside the office.
06:14They're called Lionpaw.
06:16You're Rastafari.
06:17Oh, right, I see.
06:18Why do people put it in a bag and then leave it like it's a gift?
06:29Rastafari's a great religion, isn't it, Adam?
06:32It's like Christianity, but you get to smoke this.
06:36You want some?
06:37No, thanks, Colin.
06:38I'm not sure you should be smoking it either.
06:41It's not doing drugs.
06:44It's spiritual.
06:46It'll cleanse your soul.
06:48It's cleansing mine right now.
06:49So, have we lost you at this church then, Colin?
06:54Oh, no.
06:55I can be a Rastafari at any church.
06:57It's great.
06:59And I'm healthy, thanks to Lionpaw.
07:02All that, just going for a piss.
07:04I've given up booze, processed food, and shellfish.
07:11How's that going?
07:12I haven't had any shellfish today.
07:14Ah, there you are.
07:17Oh, hello, House Deacon.
07:19I was just talking to, have you met Colin?
07:22One of our regulars.
07:24Hello.
07:25I'll just leave your thing here, Colin.
07:30So, why exactly am I here?
07:32Um, I just wanted to let you know some of my plans for St Saviour's.
07:35I want to get your approval.
07:37Fine.
07:37I have to be at Broadcasting House for two.
07:40Roland Wise is doing just a minute.
07:42Do you know Roland?
07:44No.
07:45Here you go, Adam.
07:47On the house, pint the usual.
07:48Oh, no thank you, Gemma.
07:50You know I don't normally drink.
07:51You're sticking with the Class B drugs.
07:57One of the things I'm very keen to do
07:59is make sure that St Saviour's is a place
08:00where we ask some serious, challenging questions.
08:03Won't that scare off your congregation?
08:06Some of the more churchy ones, maybe,
08:08but I don't see it as the church's role
08:10to resolve issues for our congregation,
08:12but rather to deepen them.
08:14You want to deepen issues?
08:16Yes, I...
08:16Yes, I want to be a man with a message.
08:19What is your message?
08:21Well, it's still the Christian message,
08:23based on the Gospels.
08:24It is beautiful,
08:25but it is also quite complicated.
08:28I tend to find congregations
08:30prefer cornflakes to muesli,
08:33theologically speaking.
08:35What else?
08:38And I want to move coffee
08:40out of the vestry into the nave
08:41so that we can accommodate more people.
08:43Ah, well, here's a tip.
08:44Buy a cappuccino machine.
08:46That way I think you'll find
08:47more people will come.
08:48The stuff you serve is muck.
08:52That's a good idea.
08:54Well, I suppose that all
08:55sounds quite good, Adam.
08:56Does it?
08:57Yes.
08:58Good.
08:58You're new in London.
08:59You want to make a mark.
09:00I understand.
09:01There are 10,000 pickers
09:02and only 350 top jobs.
09:05So, er...
09:08Let me crack open
09:10one of the myths of the church for you,
09:11despite what everyone tells you.
09:13The chances of promotion
09:15in the Church of England
09:16are about the same as in...
09:18the Chinese army.
09:26Two cappuccinos.
09:28Who ordered the macchiatos?
09:30I did it with me.
09:31What, I tell you, please?
09:33Don't push!
09:34Adam's ordered some new church vestments
09:36and emerald chatsubal.
09:37Yes.
09:38Where are they?
09:38They should have arrived by now,
09:39shouldn't they?
09:40You spent a fortune on a holy poncho.
09:42Hello, Steve.
09:47How lovely to see you.
09:48Hi, Sarah.
09:49Hello, Annie.
09:50You look lovely.
09:51That's a gorgeous necklace.
09:56Great coffee, Adam.
09:58Is it?
09:58Very nice.
09:59What's happened, Adam?
10:00I have to start doing my staff meetings here.
10:02Ah, well, the door is very welcome, Annie.
10:04You know that.
10:05Is there a loyalty card?
10:06Ten crucifix coffee stamps
10:07to get to go to heaven?
10:09Ah, I should do that.
10:11Though I'm sure you're going to heaven anyway, Annie.
10:15Excuse me.
10:17Adam, have you had a chance
10:19to think about whether I can use the church
10:21for Phoebe's birthday party?
10:22I'm very happy to help, Steve.
10:25Are you still working for the BBC?
10:27Yeah.
10:28Um, the one show.
10:29Is that a magazine for it?
10:30SOS, it's called.
10:31It's a chance for lonely men
10:32to get together to discuss their problems
10:34and have a lights on.
10:35I think you'd fit in key.
10:38That is a great idea.
10:40Is it?
10:41Yeah.
10:41Great.
10:42How exciting.
10:43I shall prepare some sound bites.
10:46Right, yeah.
10:52How do I look?
10:55Lovely.
10:56Authoritative but dashing.
10:58Serious but fun.
10:59You look all of those things.
11:01Can't be here any minute.
11:03Do you think I should have a drink
11:03before I need to calm my nerves?
11:05I will be.
11:05Large one.
11:10Hello?
11:11Oh, Nigel.
11:12It's tonight.
11:13Is it your single thing?
11:14Yeah, no, I can't possibly come, I'm afraid.
11:16Because I've been invited to make an appearance
11:18on national television.
11:19BBC One.
11:21The One Show.
11:22It's a flagship show.
11:23It gets 7 million viewers.
11:25Nigel, I've got to go.
11:26The limousine's just arrived.
11:30Okay, here we go.
11:30Five.
11:31Four.
11:32Three.
11:33Two.
11:34One.
11:34Five.
11:36Three.
11:37Five.
11:40Four.
11:40Can we just look at five?
11:42It's getting live.
11:45Hello, welcome to The One Show.
11:46Here's Christine Blakely.
11:47I'm Adrian Child.
11:48Shrove Tuesday tomorrow from St Saviour's
11:50in East London.
11:50The Reverend Adam Smallbone is here.
11:53Yes, the word shrove actually derives
11:56from the medieval word shrive, meaning to confess.
11:59It's a kind of final fling before 40 days
12:02of penance in Lent.
12:04Well, it's actually 46 days, to be precise,
12:06if you count the Sundays.
12:07Thank you very much.
12:08Adam, more of that soon.
12:10Pancakes too, hopefully.
12:11Also with us is Craig Bishop from the ABBA fan club.
12:15How are you?
12:15How are you?
12:15How are you?
12:16How are you?
12:16How are you?
12:17How are you?
12:17How are you?
12:18How are you?
12:18How are you?
12:18How are you?
12:19How are you?
12:19Craig is going to be talking to us about the new ABBA
12:21museum that's opening in Bedford.
12:23New ABBA fans in the church, Adam?
12:26You think you like your dressing up and stuff, don't you?
12:28No, no, yes.
12:29We're all completely gay in the church.
12:37Hang on.
12:38Can I just say, of course, we're not all gay in the church.
12:41I'm married, for one, but equally, we're very accepting of homosexuals now, but as a point
12:47of fact, there's a supper for gay men going on in my church right now.
12:53Yeah, let's not watch it again.
12:54To me, that's very clearly just a joke.
12:56No one will mind.
12:56Yes, they will.
12:58This is the church.
12:59You can't say anything.
13:00Everyone, stop texting.
13:02I thought no one watched this show.
13:04Look, you're on YouTube.
13:06163 hits.
13:08You're the Susan Boyle of Vickers.
13:11We're all gay in the church, are we, Adam?
13:22So are you gay, Adam?
13:23No, of course.
13:25It was just a light-hearted remark.
13:27There's nothing wrong with being gay in the church, is there?
13:29Or anywhere?
13:31We're just trying to get ahead.
13:32I understand.
13:33I'm not trying to get ahead.
13:34I don't discourage it, but if you are going to do more of this, I suggest a little training.
13:39I don't want to do more.
13:41I know just the man.
13:43I'll send Roland Wise your way.
13:44Do you know him?
13:46I was in college at the island.
13:47Well, then you know he's wonderful, highly intelligent, authoritative, and very funny.
13:55Very funny.
13:57Incredibly funny man.
13:58Do you like him?
14:00Yes.
14:01I love him.
14:02Great.
14:03I'll get Rolly to come over and see you.
14:05Stay off the telly till then, yes, and the radio, and no talking to journalists.
14:11Thanks for the coffee.
14:20Good morning.
14:21Well, I think it's all too clear why you didn't want to be at my single supper.
14:31I didn't have you down as homophobic, Adam.
14:33I'm not.
14:36We sat watching you on telly with charcuterie on our laps and our mouths wide open as you
14:40labelled the entire lot of us as gay.
14:43Some of these men are married, Adam.
14:45Well, then what's they doing to singles night?
14:47Everyone knows it's a gay thing, Nigel.
14:48They do not!
14:50It is not just that.
14:52Derek, for one, is straight, but lonely.
14:55Now everyone thinks he's gay, but lonely.
14:57Okay, look, I'm sorry.
14:59I didn't mean to.
14:59I was under pressure.
15:01The point I was trying to make is the church is not homophobic, and neither am I.
15:04Really?
15:06Well, this pile of emails is from people who think you are and think you're a disgrace.
15:09This pile is from people who think you condone homosexuality and are a disgrace.
15:13And this is from an Abba fan who thinks you are stupid!
15:17You have a very angry parish, Adam.
15:20Okay, fine.
15:21Now, can we please talk about something else?
15:24Like, where are our new vestments, for instance?
15:27I checked.
15:28They got delivered to number 37 by mistake.
15:31Okay.
15:33Anything else?
15:34A doaphone.
15:36She wants to know if you're having a nervous breakdown.
15:41Oh!
15:43Bruno's not vegetarian, is he?
15:45Uh, I don't know.
15:46I don't think so.
15:49I had that terrible cell group weekend with him in Wales when it's sheeted rain.
15:53Four competitive young curates all locked in a National Trust cottage together playing Christian
15:57top trumps.
15:58It was like a horrific social experiment.
16:00God, it sounds psychotic.
16:01It sounds like a Charles Manson retreat.
16:02Yes, but with sociological thought instead of LSD and group sex.
16:07It was the worst weekend of my life.
16:10Oh, bollocks.
16:11I'll be in.
16:11Ah, Vicarage.
16:21What's happening?
16:22I've got a guest coming, actually, Colin, so this is not ideal.
16:25What isn't?
16:26This moment.
16:27Lionpaw said that apparently your church, Nick St. Luke's gospel, now I'm giving it back,
16:32which is disgusting of you.
16:33I'm not sure that's true.
16:35Lionpaw said you would say that, because you is one of the Babylonians.
16:38I haven't got time for this right now, Colin, okay?
16:40I'm sure wrestlers are basically nice people, but I don't share their interpretation of the
16:43Bible.
16:43I don't think Heinle Selassie was divine, and I only quite like Bog Marley, okay?
16:46Sorry, but Roland Wise from the television will be here any moment.
16:50Embrace the one, love Adam.
16:52I'll deck you.
16:53Okay, can we do that tomorrow instead?
17:00That'll be Roland.
17:07Vicar, can I use your toilet?
17:08It's urgent.
17:09Really, really urgent.
17:10Um, please, it's urgent, urgent, urgent.
17:12My guts are shot.
17:13The best of times I had a kebab's gone straight through me.
17:16Can you use the pub?
17:17There's no time.
17:17I'm shaking here, man.
17:19I'm touching cloth, man.
17:22Come on.
17:22It's Def Corp 1 down there, but...
17:25No, I'm afraid you'll have to use the pub.
17:26Give me a minute.
17:30It's Roland.
17:31He's here.
17:32He's arriving.
17:33He's here.
17:34He's here.
17:42Hello, Roland.
17:43Here's the modern man.
17:47Look at you, all moved up to London.
17:50Dear boy.
17:51I hope I'm not late.
17:53No, no.
17:53Are you aware there's a man defecating on your lawn?
18:04Nearly down there.
18:05Aw, man.
18:06My TV appearance seems to have disgruntled quite a lot of people.
18:11The thing is, you've got to get straight back on the horse.
18:15The way to win everyone round is to do something brilliant on Radio 4.
18:19Do you want me to get you on thought for the day?
18:21Could you do that?
18:22Well, they'll do what I tell them.
18:23Thank you, Roland.
18:24Is that a good idea?
18:25Yeah, it's an extremely good idea.
18:27Okay.
18:29Thanks.
18:29Well, what would I say?
18:31Well, it needs to be something from the heart.
18:33Something intensely personal, sincere, authoritative, godly, humane, wise and funny.
18:43Right, you can do that, can't you, darling?
18:45No pressure.
18:47Maybe I could use that Louis McNeese poem, I love.
18:50Oh, good idea.
18:51It's about the importance of all the small, daily unnoticed acts of kindness and creativity.
18:57It's his favourite.
18:58I've used it as the basis of a sermon, I suppose in a strange way I was holding it back for a time like this.
19:03Great. Use it. I'll fix it.
19:06Alex, this is absolutely magnificent arrabbiata.
19:10It reminds me of a dish I once ate on Leve de Vivre's yacht in Portofino.
19:14Thank you, Roland.
19:15May I say how much I enjoyed you on Have I Got News For You?
19:19Yes, it's a fun show.
19:20Adam, would you like to know how to overcome your nerves on live radio?
19:26Oh, well, yes. You're so experienced.
19:29What I do is I look at the microphone and I imagine all the people listening and then I despise them.
19:38I remind myself what I heard of stupid, ignorant, uneducated, graceless, E-number-chomping plebeians they all are,
19:46desperately seeking some form of guidance in their sad little fruitless lives.
19:53It's like when you do a sermon.
19:58It's more cheese, Vicar.
20:00Ça suffit, merci.
20:07Would you like me to call you a cab, Roland?
20:09No, no, a couple more drinks.
20:15Is that whiskey?
20:17Um, oh, yeah.
20:20I'm going to go to bed.
20:22Really, darling?
20:24Um, goodbye, Roland. Have fun.
20:25Oh, good night, dear lady.
20:30Bonne nuit.
20:31Good night.
20:32Tis bar à la calire.
20:33Oh.
20:33Alexandra is wonderful. You do know that.
20:41Yes.
20:42I'm very lucky.
20:46Yes, you are.
20:49Very lucky.
20:52To have her
20:53here
20:55in this lovely home.
20:57And you're just
21:02so happy
21:04with your wife
21:07and your church.
21:12I'm sorry, Adam.
21:14No, Roland.
21:16You've made me realise
21:17that I
21:18I can't remember why I got ordained anymore.
21:23I can't.
21:24Why do I go on telly?
21:25I'll tell you why.
21:26Because I can't say no.
21:27That's why.
21:28Because I have to please everyone.
21:30That's all I am.
21:31I'm just a court jester.
21:32No, no, no, no.
21:33Yeah.
21:34No, no, no, no.
21:35Because
21:35you are
21:37a proper priest
21:38and I'm just
21:39a
21:39godless
21:41shitting
21:43empty priest
21:44with
21:44no thought
21:46or purpose
21:47or ministry.
21:54Do you remember
21:55that weekend
21:56we spent
21:56in Wales?
21:57That was great,
21:59wasn't it?
22:01Yes.
22:03That's the last time
22:05I think I was happy.
22:09Roland, please.
22:11You are
22:11a great
22:12priest.
22:14Intelligent,
22:15quite funny.
22:18You've just
22:19lost your way
22:20for a moment,
22:21that's all.
22:22It happens
22:23to everyone.
22:25Tomorrow morning,
22:27you and I
22:28are going to go
22:28to the church
22:29first thing
22:30and we are going to say
22:31the morning office
22:32together.
22:33Just you and I
22:34and
22:34we will reflect
22:36on our calling
22:37as priests.
22:40Can I have another?
22:48Yes, yes, of course.
22:49many rivers
22:52to cross
22:53but I
22:56can't
22:57seem to
22:57find
22:58my way
23:01over
23:02many rivers
23:07to cross
23:08but I
23:11can't
23:11wait to
23:12begin
23:13I
23:14will
23:15be with us
23:16all right.
23:17Let's be with us.
23:18Be with us all right now.
23:23All right.
23:35You can hear the birds.
23:36A cloud of witnesses to whom, to what
23:42That's how that poem starts
23:44To all the things that will not notice when we die
23:48Yet lend the passing moment words and wings
24:03You know, Roland, I used to be so jealous of you
24:06I know you did
24:08It's okay, a lot of people are
24:11It's made me very lonely
24:16That's better
24:28Is this number 37? Hello?
24:47Hello?
24:48Hello? Excuse me?
24:52Oh, hello, hi, how are you?
24:56Um, I think some vestments might have got delivered here
25:00Some what-ments?
25:02Some vestments, um, that's them actually
25:35Isabel's? What you chatting about, man?
25:37Well, I'm chatting that, uh, that's it
25:39And that's my stole
25:41Actually, you're wearing it wrong
25:42The stole goes under the chasible
25:44And you've got the colours mixed up
25:45This is yours?
25:47Uh, yeah, yes
25:48I thought it was a gift from German, you know?
25:51I've got those bread, uh, can't we share them?
25:56Um, no
25:57Because, uh, well, actually, they're not really mine to lend
26:00They aren't yours?
26:02No
26:02Well, they are
26:03They are, and they aren't
26:04See, the thing is, I use church funds to buy them
26:08So, technically, they belong to St. Saviour's and the Marshes
26:11Down the road
26:12It's quite complicated, I know
26:13But, um, why are you getting so vexed?
26:15Tiny, tiny, bigger man
26:16It's just clothes, you know?
26:19It's all just vanity
26:21Yes, it's not just vanity
26:23Because they cost me, um, the church, 900 quid
26:27So, could I just have them back, please?
26:30You can borrow them anytime you want
26:32Chill, Brida
26:34Don't tell me to chew
26:42You bloody chew
26:45Hello, Vicarage
26:51Been in for a bit of the old cleansing, eh?
26:55Your bloody friend, Lion Breath, has nicked my vest from his coin
26:58Has he?
27:00Oh, don't worry about it
27:01He's right, it's all just vanity
27:04They can keep them
27:06To forgive is divine
27:08So, fuck it
27:09Forget it
27:11One love
27:12Dear Lord, thank you so much for letting me overcome my stupid jealousy and resentment about Roland
27:28It's a real lesson in the power of forgiveness
27:32I thought he had everything I wanted, but he's so miserable, the poor chap
27:37I love that story he told about Salman Rushdie in a Turkish bar
27:42That was very funny
27:44I hope we can go to Portofino and go on that Russian bloke's boat like he suggested
27:55That would be really great, I really hope he meant that
27:59I think he did
28:00I think you guessed I'd end up doing a thought for the day thanks to him
28:04It's very exciting
28:06Thank you, Rowley, I was wrong, you are marvellous
28:08And thank you, Lord
28:10It's a wonderful opportunity
28:11I must get it right this time
28:13I'll get it
28:16Okay
28:16Colin, you alright?
28:23Here you are, Vickridge
28:24Your vestments
28:25What have you done?
28:27I was so inspired by the Christian way you forgave the Rastas
28:29But I went to get your stuff back
28:31Stone people are shit at fighting
28:34Colin, I didn't ask for this
28:36Didn't need to ask, Vickridge
28:37Wear it for your sermon tomorrow
28:40You'll look good in that stuff
28:42Cheers
28:42Your new best friend is on, any questions right now?
28:53Is he?
28:54Rosie?
28:55Good for him
28:55Ronan Wise, just to clarify
28:57The question you're being asked is
28:58Do you feel that the current politicians are as obsessed with spin
29:02In the way that they arguably were under the Blair government?
29:05Arguably?
29:06Well, you know the line
29:08A cloud of witnesses to whom, to what?
29:11It's from that beautiful McNeese poem
29:13Which I've always loved
29:14Where he talks of
29:15All the things that will not notice when we die
29:17That's my line
29:18In the passing moment
29:19Get your own line
29:21Roland bastard
29:23Breakdown wise
29:24C.C. McNeese has suggested
29:25A cup of tea
29:30I hate that man
29:36Let's get together and feel all right
29:49You're the children crying
30:04One love
30:06I hate that man
30:08I hate that man
30:10I hate be in theitä
30:13What is that man
30:15I like that man
30:16acular
30:16What is that man
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