- 5 hours ago
S01E00 Christmas Special 2025
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00:00Bailey's order a curry and wants me some die-hard oh Mal how depressing at least
00:04you have company now I don't want company
00:13you having a good cream bar Felicity not really I was supposed to be in South
00:17Africa but Amanda guilt tripped me into visiting my sister what's wrong with
00:22your sister she's a nightmare it's just all laughter and games and then just
00:27bloody cheese boards she's completely over the top
00:31she asks us every year we never go it's getting rude and I would love the kiddos
00:37to have a traditional Cotswoldian no well and well they're still enchanted by the
00:41magic of Christmas but does she have a ps5 no she doesn't have a ps5 my nurse I
00:46don't even think she has the internet oh no way I should take it a little
00:54Christmas present for her Amanda it's a disaster I've been at the airport now
00:59for about 14 hours and they finally just cancelled our flight to Dublin oh what a
01:05shame well look thanks for keeping me posted Chris and the kids went to head to Cork
01:10I was supposed to join yesterday but because of the storm I'm completely
01:13stranded and everybody who I know and love is hundreds of miles away Chris
01:17Darius Darius Pat Roisin Pat her husband Pat their kids young Pat and Patricia and
01:25Edgar and Barry and Pat yeah you know he throws on our way actually no no no no oh my god I miss you all so much
01:39we're here Christmas has officially started kids off your bones now please eat your heart out
01:56downtown Abbey well hardly it's only 11 acres and a ha-ha why is that funny no a ha-ha it's like a giant
02:03ditch you should know what a ha-ha is you're a gardener oh yeah I've seen loads of ha-ha's in ha-ha's
02:09oh look she's put the reindeer out for the kids oh mommy do you remember when Bomber the Shetland
02:18tried to mount one god that was funny this is why I don't go to therapy some memories are best repressed
02:26guys guys guys guys right give me those that just gave us that if you learn nothing from
02:45adolescence and and this is my Christmas happy place so please don't be a Debbie Downer okay
02:50everyone here we go ding dong merrily oh my god I'm so sorry about all the glass you caught me mid giblets
03:01oh goodness no not the coach very good oh I'm so sorry to spring this on you it's been a bit of a
03:06disaster is it cool if my mum friend Anne joins us so yes oh Anne of course you look like you need a
03:14stiff drink thank you but um but no if I if I can't be with my family then what's the point oh dear girl
03:19come in come in come in I don't believe it I know I won't touch you don't touch them we'll hang in a
03:35moment yes come in yes don't touch don't touch it yes they're gorgeous all right thank you
03:41man that's great thanks so much you didn't tell me you're bringing a lover
03:44yeah I was just gonna use your loo if I may before I nip off I've got a date with John McLean
03:58no fantastic you're a homosexual it's a die-hard reference I was gonna watch it with a curry
04:04oh god how ghastly you will stay for a pre-prandial come on what's pre-prandial it's a posh word for a
04:10drink yeah okay Pat can you put Chris back on yeah so I have an alert set up on my phone for
04:19when the the flights reopen and if you could just have everyone there checking the internet
04:23why should I put my coat back then keep it on this house is bloody freezing isn't it magical
04:30that's giving hardcore narnia vibes right I mean wow that's what I call a tree
04:39is it plastic oh my god she's still got that daddy bought that in the 70s probably the newest thing
04:50in this place how odd I distinctly remember the scent of pine needles no this house smells the way
04:57it's always smelled damp dogs desperation
05:00now I've been absolutely dying for you to arrive I've got everything here we've got some olives over
05:09there there's this trout pate we've got mini quiches prawn volvois and these pretty fun things from
05:16Marks and Spencer's mini burgers you've seen these oh oh oh oh no no no no no let's clean that one up won't we
05:25Joni where should I put the pavlova is that granny gush's recipe yes it is minus the powdered egg
05:33I thought it might be fun to recreate that famous pudding photo from that amazing Christmas
05:39yes yeah I've got it in the oven everybody dig in flick deviled egg have a deviled egg flick deviled egg
05:50fine I'll have a deviled egg now I think it's under here somewhere now where's that famous photo
05:58oh wow wow oh yes now look at that look at that it is look at gang gang what a horsey is that Yima
06:11yeah that was me pre-blossom just on the cusp of discovering clearacillin wonder bras
06:16oh my goodness look at that I'm wearing the same jumper oh no stop that's perfect I thought it'd be
06:24really fun to restage the photo with Manus and George so the Hemsworth brothers did one sitting
06:28on their mum's lap and it pretty much broke the internet I remember the Hemsworth brothers hmm
06:34Hemsworth brothers yes you you stepped out with one they had the tractor dealership in Ampney St Peter
06:39it was the Hemswood brothers Hemswood yeah I slept with all three of them oh well done you and the
06:46father mummy oh Charlie good now drink your food oh damn what's that what's in those ones oh is
06:56that you flick no one must see those yep yep yep yep yep what the this house is literally freezing
07:13my family be back for mass about now do you think Jesus will punish me for missing his birthday
07:20you know what you need eh slow gin very good for melancholia the night my father died I drank two
07:27bottles was right as rain in the morning I suppose I could have a small glass just to steady the nerves
07:32because um I don't think I've ever done a Christmas well my family no no no none of that now come on
07:38get that down your gullet yes got a kick to it that's the 1978 vintage the year you were born
07:47oh actually now what do the children want what can we get for them do you have any prime no no no no
07:53prime don't don't don't worry he'll have a coca-cola I've got a cola I've got a can of cola here
07:57yep there we go oh there we go lovely lovely oh come on oh I think that's seen better days Ludo can
08:08have that Ludo Ludo Ludo look what's here look what's here Jane oh your Christmas present
08:14yes oh my goodness no Joan it's the bath the but the Joan and I've swallowed it I'll have a bath later
08:35darling I'll have a bath later didn't I just gift you that yes I loved it so much that I went out and
08:43bought exactly the same one for Aunt Joan I need ice in my whiskey you'll find plenty in the toilet
08:49well now will you come in here and sit down please oh thank you um I was actually going to hit the
08:54road oh no no we're not having you spending a day alone you and Anne are our Christmas guests of
08:59honor so sit I've got a goose to go and get out of the oven I've never been anyone's Christmas guest
09:04of honor before this is the same one to Amanda that's this I went out about exactly the same
09:11one for Joan but that's good I don't know oh lovely come on oh those are the photos gang and doesn't
09:20I want anyone soon come on boys
09:27no tell them yes it's a larger box but it's actually the same value gift because I went by money spent
09:33not by value okay no devices please I have to go okay oh well don't sit there sorry because of the
09:43photos we need to match the old Pavlava pics so yeah mommy needs to sit there Joan's here mommy you're
09:48here no I need a clear line to an exit well okay well yeah well we can all move around for pudding
09:54can you get back in and come back out I want to film it for the memories just tuck in tuck in
10:04tuck in just me a sec yes it's gonna be so good and could you just lean out because the tear stains
10:09I just miss my family you know Anne yes goosey goosey and uh oh look at that well dig in we've got a
10:18side of beef Yorkshire's a ham and some little piggies and blankets mom just eat it it's Christmas
10:24hmm what I'm vegan oh shit are you it's fine I'll just eat the veg not just eat the veg not on my
10:34watch you won't I'll I'll I'll rustle up a uh a souffle oh do you see what I mean it's just too much
10:44she's just trying to make us all happy mommy and uh did you did you notice the stuff start in the
10:51hallway no no oh let me show you quickly I'm not that into stoats yes but um honestly I think
10:59you'll find this one very interesting yeah I don't know who told you that I was into stoats but
11:07actually this one is is quite unusual okay listen forget the stuff I just saw some pictures of
11:12Felicity I wasn't supposed to see and now I can't unsee what I saw god they weren't nudies were they
11:17no they're not nudies is anyone wearing a nazi uniform no there's no not just just look
11:23oh blimey O'Reilly is that is that Felicity and sir Mick Jagger yes it looks like they're on holiday
11:32together Jesus he was such a ride back then yeah it looks like he was riding Felicity
11:36OMG is is she pregnant yes and look it's holding her stomach and summer of 77
11:46Joan just said that Amanda was born in 78 you don't think sir Mick Jagger is
11:52no no no don't be ridiculous I've seen enough episodes of Ally McBeal to know this is all
11:59purely circumstantial evidence just because it goes clip-clap doesn't mean it's a zebra guys come
12:05come on we're about to eat here we go joke why didn't Santa pay for his sleigh why didn't Santa have to pay for his sleigh because it was on the house
12:27how do you titillate an ocelot I've no idea Joan how do you titillate an ocelot you oscillate its tits a lot
12:39not like she bloody wrote it go on flick your turn oh here we go
12:48well we put the hat on you'll need it for the pavlova photo no I don't do paper hats
12:53flick do the joke where's the joke I don't do jokes come on mommy it's
12:57Christmas come on flick flick flick flick flick flickwhat is the coldest country in the
13:10world I don't know what it's the coldest country Russia
13:18Oh, I think you're reading the trivia there, Felicity.
13:25Oh, Mummy.
13:26Where are you going, Mummy? We haven't done the photo.
13:29I'm going to watch the King's Speech.
13:31Oh, is it that time?
13:32Oh, I love the King's Speech. Brilliant.
13:35Everyone fill a glass. Let's go and sit soft.
13:37We can do the Pavley we're after.
13:39Flick, flick.
13:40Wait for us. Wait for us.
13:42Where's the movie?
13:44Yes, yes, yes, yes.
13:46Oh, I doubt the King's Speech.
13:48In victorious, happy and glorious,
13:58love to reign over us,
14:03God save the King!
14:09Very good, very good.
14:10Hold on.
14:11Oh, and, there we go.
14:14I have to say, this is the most delicious cab I've ever drank.
14:17Darling, I'm stuck car for it, champagne.
14:19Real champagne?
14:20Yes.
14:21From France?
14:22Yes.
14:23I've never had French champagne from France.
14:26Stop fussing. I can't see the tone.
14:28Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
14:31I think Joan is lovely.
14:33Classic Stockholm Syndrome.
14:36Are you a big fan of the royal family, Felicity?
14:38Oh, I've met a few of them.
14:40Miller's a laugh.
14:40Yeah, I've probably met a few members of the rock royal family in your time.
14:45Well, I once lived next door but one to Christoburg.
14:49Oh, right, pavlova time!
14:51Oh, finally!
14:52Get the camera.
14:53I don't want pavlova.
14:54Mummy, you can't always get what you want.
14:59Um, actually, I can't think of food for a bit.
15:01Amanda, I overdid it on the parsnips.
15:03You don't have to eat it.
15:04It's just a photo.
15:04Oh, I know what we'll do.
15:06We'll have a parlour game while we all digest.
15:08Who'd like a round of Are You There, Moriarty?
15:10I don't know what that is.
15:12Well, what about, um, Ho-ha-hee?
15:14Do you know that one?
15:14Or The Minister's Cat?
15:16Do you know that?
15:16No, I don't know that one.
15:17Pass the slipper.
15:18No.
15:19Fan the candle.
15:19You must know hot cockles.
15:21Hot cockles!
15:22God, I don't know that one.
15:22What else have we got?
15:23Elephants fought elephants?
15:24Oh, for God's sake, why don't we just play hide-and-seek?
15:27Oh, that's a terrific idea.
15:28This is so much fun.
15:29Well done, that girl.
15:31I'll count 50.
15:32Off you go.
15:33And then after this, we'll do the public.
15:35Right, I'll start now.
15:36Come on.
15:37One, two, I've started.
15:39Two, I've started.
15:41Three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
15:51There.
15:52Nine, ten.
15:54I know, Chris, but I don't know what you expect me to do about this.
15:57I can't make a put on a shoe.
15:59I'm 300 miles away.
16:01Look, I really have to go.
16:03Bloody hell.
16:08Other people's Christmases are mental.
16:10When are we going to tell her?
16:11What?
16:12Absolutely never.
16:14It's not our family secret, so we're going to forget we ever saw those photos.
16:17But we did see those photos, Mal.
16:19And I really think Amanda deserves to know.
16:22What do I deserve to know?
16:23What the hell are you hiding?
16:25Yeah, we're playing hide-and-seek.
16:27What do I deserve to know?
16:30Ask Mal.
16:31Oh, thanks, Anne.
16:32Will someone tell me what's going on?
16:33Sure, the photos.
16:41Are these pictures of my mum on holiday?
16:45What's the big deal?
16:47Look who she's with.
16:47Is that Mick Jagger?
16:50Mm-hmm.
16:50Mummy, you?
16:51Minx.
16:52Sitting on Mick's lap.
16:54I sat on Prince Harry's lap when I was in Mahiki once.
16:56Did I get a mention in the book?
16:59Oh, my God.
17:01She's pregnant.
17:02That's hardly a secret.
17:04Keep looking.
17:07She's smoking.
17:08No.
17:09No.
17:09No.
17:09No.
17:10Look at the date on the back of the folder.
17:12OK.
17:12Look who's holding the bump.
17:15No.
17:15No way.
17:17No way.
17:19Is my father...
17:2249...
17:2450...
17:25No, no, no.
17:26Quick, hide.
17:27Do you...
17:28Oh, shit.
17:28Shh, shh, shh, shh.
17:29Oh, shit.
17:31Oh, shit.
17:31Is that an airing government?
17:34OK.
17:34Oh, well...
17:35Oh, shit.
17:36Ha, ha, ha, ha.
17:38Probably quite glimps.
17:39Probably quite glimps.
17:44Oh, God.
17:45It's a snifter.
17:55Ah!
17:55it's so weird isn't it when you look at us together now look now look now can you open
18:15that door please i need some air i mean it's a shock but it's also not a shock you know
18:21because it explains a lot i mean i wonder if the man i thought was my father ever knew the truth
18:27poor daddy this must be why my parents divorced baby joan told him that must be why we never see
18:37joan that sounds about right can't you just pull my sleeve please like i'll get some layers off
18:44where are you
18:53oh there's a lot can't get under there
18:58hoist by your own petard there ann i think oh my goodness
19:10my system's not used to champagne no come on more's fine
19:14present now
19:20another little slifter
19:23oh
19:27oh gotcha oh please don't tell mom i won't if you won't
19:35oh i'm on my way
19:43oh i fated i fated
19:47oh ding dong christmas comes once a year
19:51do you know i knew you'd do a love bird
19:54we not he just drove us here
19:56i had to take some clothes off
19:58cats have the bag joanie
20:01i've seen the photos oh yeah spill the tea
20:06right uh well i suppose it's only a matter of time but listen
20:09you're going to have to speak to your mother about those
20:11where is she
20:13i'm buggered if i know because i've searched the whole house
20:16well darling you stay with your paramount
20:18have you finished finished
20:19no stop you
20:19can i have some water please
20:21mommy
20:25right okay let's split up i'll take the lawn
20:31joan you do the meadow
20:33and um and you and the kids check the drive
20:36okay
20:36would you look at this huh
20:45christmas night
20:47i'd still be doing the washing up at home if i was there right now
20:50yeah not standing here
20:52look at the stars
20:55sorry hang on sorry
20:58oh god
21:00oh grace
21:02what
21:03there's a flight out of heathrow tonight
21:05that's good news isn't it
21:07yeah
21:08great air great
21:10yes
21:11um
21:12all i have to do now is just um
21:15click this link to confirm
21:18oh no would you look at that my phone's off to running out of battery
21:22oh no what a shame
21:23um
21:25just guess it wasn't meant to be huh
21:27what a bummer
21:29just got to end up
21:31staying here
21:33yeah
21:33hey do you know what
21:35i'm gonna go for a walk
21:37yeah
21:39felicity
21:40yeah this is just
21:44it's better than cover
21:45felicity
21:46according to wikipedia
21:48i have eight brothers and sisters
21:51jay jagger came in once when i was at quo vardus
21:56i wonder did she know
21:59felicity
22:00it's mad
22:03i think i could be spending next christmas with them in turks and kekos
22:05whoa
22:07amanda
22:08ow
22:09i just fell in the ha-ha
22:12are you alright
22:13yes
22:14i am alright mal
22:16why are you laughing
22:17you fell in the ha-ha
22:18who falls in a ha-ha
22:20stop it's not funny
22:22you fell in a ha-ha
22:24come on
22:25get up
22:26amanda i'm so sorry
22:29oh my god
22:30oh you know what thank you so much for today
22:33really
22:35it beats lying on a couch with a curry and horse
22:39is that jane's dog
22:45mummy
22:47mummy
22:47mummy
22:49felicity
22:51i don't know what do you know what ludo wait wait
22:57ludo
22:59Oh, what did you say?
23:13Aha!
23:14Very away in a manger.
23:16I knew it was too good to last.
23:18Well, you're the last one to be found, so...
23:20That makes you the winner!
23:21Yes, bravo that girl.
23:23I tell you what, I could do you a big scoop of the Stilton
23:26and I'll crack open a bottle of port.
23:27Stop.
23:28Just stop talking, please.
23:30It's too much.
23:31It's Christmas.
23:32It's supposed to be too much.
23:33No, you're too much.
23:34All this duro de vivre and endless glee and everything.
23:37It's just, it's just, just stop.
23:39Please.
23:42Okay.
23:46Stop.
23:53Please don't cry.
23:54I'm not crying.
23:55Come on, Joanie.
23:58This is what happens when you stop.
23:59The old black dog creeps in and...
24:01Oh, come on.
24:02Put yourself together.
24:03Put yourself together, Joanie.
24:04Why are you being like this?
24:07Well, because of you, Flick.
24:09What nonsense.
24:10Do you remember what they used to call us on that ghastly old debutante circuit?
24:15Mm-hmm.
24:16Great hair and spare.
24:20Actually, that's all the good.
24:21Yeah, it's all about the beautiful Felicity Wyndham.
24:24And I was just the podgy little sister.
24:28So I decided to be the life and soul of the party.
24:30Hostess with the mostess.
24:32The last one standing at the barn dance.
24:36And I can tell you something.
24:37After 60 bloody years, it's exhausting.
24:42Why didn't you ever see anything before?
24:44Oh.
24:45Well, it took Amanda to twist your arm to get you down here.
24:49Mummy?
24:50Oh, sir.
24:51Oh, yeah.
24:52Yes, we're here.
24:53We're here.
24:54Hello.
24:58There she is.
25:00You know, I've spent the whole day trying to recreate the perfect family Christmas.
25:05But it turns out my whole life has been a lie.
25:10For God's sake, Amanda, stop being so melodramatic.
25:13Look, let's go inside and do your moment with the pavlovas.
25:16Yes.
25:17No, Mummy.
25:18I know your secret.
25:20And I know Joan knows.
25:21And that's why you didn't want to come here.
25:23Because you were worried she'd spill the beans.
25:29What is she talking about?
25:32Mummy, I've seen the photos.
25:36I have in my hand the proof.
25:40I'm Sir Mick Jagger's love child.
25:49What?
25:50Give those to me.
25:51Give those to me.
25:56That's not Mick Jagger.
25:58That's our cousin Rosamund.
26:00Oh, God.
26:01I mean, she was rather Jagger-esque, don't you think?
26:03Look, with the slim hips and everything.
26:04Oh, my God.
26:05Did you get her round robin this year?
26:06No, I didn't.
26:07They had to put down Pinky.
26:08Oh, no.
26:09OK, so if Mick Jagger isn't holding your pregnant belly, then what is the big deal?
26:12Why didn't you want anyone to see them?
26:14Look, the thing is, I wasn't pregnant in this photograph.
26:17I was fat.
26:18What?
26:19It was the 70s.
26:20I'd just discovered Black Forest Gatto.
26:24And that's our big family secret, that you were once fat for a summer?
26:30Yes.
26:31Though your father rather liked it.
26:32And you were conceived on that holiday.
26:33Oh, God.
26:34I just sent you to me, Jack, or a DM.
26:37Can we go back?
26:38I'm freezing.
26:39What was she thinking?
26:40Oh, sorry, Joanie.
26:41Oh, it's all right.
26:42It's all right.
26:43Honestly.
26:44Merry Christmas.
26:45If there's any consolation, I always felt that Ma and Pa loved you more than they loved
27:06me.
27:07Oh.
27:08I'd swap that any day for a go on a Hemsworth brother.
27:11Ooh.
27:16Is that singing?
27:18Yes, it's Anne.
27:27She's falling in the ha-ha.
27:30She'll be fine.
27:31Come on.
27:33And then John McClane ties this hose pipe around his waist because he thinks the guy
27:38in the helicopter is going to shoot him.
27:39So he's got no way out.
27:41So he ties himself in nice and tight.
27:43Is he topless?
27:44No, no, no.
27:45But by this point, he's down to his vest.
27:47How is this a Christmas film?
27:49What?
27:50You all right?
27:51Of course it's a Christmas film.
27:53Anyway, just a helicopter.
27:55I'm sorry Mick Jagger wasn't your father.
27:57I just thought that I was special.
28:04You are special.
28:12Of what it's worth.
28:13I'm sorry you didn't get to sleep with a rolling stone.
28:15Oh, I did sleep with Mick once or twice back in the day, but not in a way that you would
28:19get pregnant.
28:20Right, everyone, we're going to do Amanda's photo.
28:23Oh, Mummy.
28:24What?
28:25Really?
28:26Shall I get the pavlova?
28:27You know what?
28:28I mean, I could take the photo for you.
28:29No, guys, you're all in it.
28:30Come on.
28:31There we go.
28:32Everyone ready?
28:33Yeah.
28:34I'll just do the timer.
28:35Hang on.
28:36Oh, no, no.
28:37Quickly, quickly.
28:38Hang on.
28:39Okay, everyone, quickly, quickly.
28:40Come on, everybody.
28:41Are we ready?
28:42Say cheese.
28:43Cheese!
28:44Cheese!
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