- 20 minutes ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01Where the hell's our cab?
00:03Why can't we just hang here?
00:05Because the only things that hang on Christmas Day are mistletoe, holly,
00:08and then somehow there's tinsel.
00:10Hello? Yes, hi.
00:11There's still no sign of our cab,
00:13and I really need to get to my aunt's for lunch.
00:15Just put you on home? Yes.
00:17Georgie, you're tipping the pavlova!
00:19Huh? The pavlova.
00:20You need to keep it upright or the compote will breach the meringue.
00:23Why did you make this?
00:24Well, Aunt Joan has got this hilarious photo of me with a pavlova
00:28when I was about Manus's age,
00:30and I thought it'd be super cute to recreate it with you two.
00:33We'll have the perfect family Christmas at Aunt Joan's.
00:36She has the biggest tree.
00:37Hello? Yes?
00:39The drive was cancelled, I'm afraid, madam.
00:41What?
00:42No, no, you can't cancel.
00:45It's Christmas Day.
00:46Where else am I going to get a cab on Christmas Day?
00:51Merry Christmas, neighbour.
00:53Cute PJs.
00:55Come on, Mal.
00:58Shut up.
00:59Daughter, you're tipping the pavlova over.
01:04Okay, what's the address?
01:05Oh, if you just put in Sirencester.
01:07Sirencester?
01:08Amanda, there's practically whales.
01:10You said a quick lift.
01:11You said you had no plans today?
01:13No, I said I planned on doing nothing.
01:15Different thing.
01:16Ned's with his mum.
01:17I was going to crack open the Baileys, order a curry,
01:19and watch me some Die Hard.
01:21Oh, Mal, how depressing.
01:23At least you have company now.
01:25I don't want company.
01:27Oh, can we just do a small detour?
01:32You having a good creme bar, Felicity?
01:34Not really.
01:35I was supposed to be in South Africa.
01:37But Amanda guilt-tripped me into visiting my sister.
01:40What's wrong with your sister?
01:41She's a nightmare.
01:43It's just all laughter and games
01:45and endless bloody cheese boards.
01:48She's completely over the top.
01:50She asks us every year, Mummy, and we never go.
01:52It's getting rude.
01:53And I would love the kiddos
01:55to have a traditional Cotswoldian Noel
01:57while they're still enchanted by the magic of Christmas.
02:00But does she have a PS5?
02:02No, she doesn't have a PS5, Malice.
02:04I don't even think she has the internet.
02:06Oh.
02:07No way.
02:08Right, Sam.
02:11I should take it.
02:12A little Christmas present for that.
02:14Anne.
02:15Amanda, it's a disaster.
02:16I've been at the airport now for about 14 hours
02:19and they've finally just cancelled our flight to Dublin.
02:21Oh, Anne, no.
02:23What a shame.
02:24Well, look, thanks for keeping me posted.
02:26Chris and the kids, we'll head to Cork.
02:28I was supposed to join yesterday,
02:30but because of the storm, I'm completely stranded.
02:32And everybody who I know and love is hundreds of miles away.
02:35Chris.
02:36Darius.
02:37Pat.
02:38Roisin.
02:39Pat.
02:40Her husband, Pat.
02:41Their kids, young Pat.
02:43And Patricia.
02:44And Edgar.
02:45And Barley.
02:46And Pat.
02:47You know, he throws on our way, actually.
02:48No.
02:49No.
02:50Absolutely not.
02:51No, no, no.
02:52No.
02:53God.
02:54No.
02:55Oh, my God.
02:56I miss you all so much.
02:58We're here!
02:59Christmas has officially started.
03:00Kids, off your bones now, please.
03:01Eat your heart out downtown Abbey.
03:03Well, hardly.
03:04It's only 11 acres and a ha-ha.
03:06Why is that funny?
03:07No, a ha-ha.
03:08It's like a giant ditch.
03:09You should know what a ha-ha is.
03:10You're a gardener.
03:11Oh, yeah.
03:12I've seen loads of ha-hahs in ha-ha.
03:13Oh, look!
03:14Oh, look!
03:15She's put the reindeer out for the kids.
03:16Oh, Mummy.
03:17Do you remember when Bumble the Shetland tried to mount one?
03:18God, that was funny.
03:19This is why I didn't go to therapy.
03:21Oh, I'm not so sad.
03:22I'm not so sad.
03:23I've been so sad to get a bit of a dream.
03:24I'm not so sad.
03:25I'm sorry.
03:26I'm sorry.
03:27I'm sorry.
03:28Yes, I'm sorry.
03:29I'm sorry.
03:30I'm sorry.
03:31I'm sorry.
03:32I'm sorry.
03:33No.
03:34Oh, yeah.
03:35I'm sorry.
03:36I didn't go to therapy.
03:37Oh, yeah.
03:38I didn't go to therapy.
03:39Oh, yeah!
03:40Oh, yeah!
03:41This is why I don't go to therapy.
03:43Some memories are best repressed.
03:47Look at the bags. Here we go. Look at the rainbow.
03:50Okay, come on. Let's have a little festive cheer.
03:55Guys, off the phones now, please.
03:57Guys?
03:59Guys? Right, give me those.
04:01Dad just gave us the... What? That's from Dad?
04:03...if we learn nothing from adolescence.
04:05And, Anne, this is my Christmas happy place, so please don't be a Debbie Downer.
04:08Okay, everyone.
04:10Here we go.
04:11Ah! Ding dong! Merrilee!
04:13Hi!
04:14Oh, I love you. I'm so sorry.
04:16Oh, what a shock.
04:18You've caught me mid-giblet.
04:20Oh, goodness.
04:21No, not the coach.
04:22Merry Christmas, darling.
04:23Oh, I'm so sorry to spring this on you.
04:24It's been a bit of a disaster.
04:25Is it cool if my mum friend Anne joins us?
04:28So?
04:29Yes.
04:30Oh, Anne. Of course.
04:31You look like you need a stiff drink.
04:33Thank you, but no. If I can't be with my family, then what's the point?
04:37Oh, dear girl. Come in. Come in. Come in.
04:39This is a divorce, is it?
04:41No. Storm Geraldine.
04:42Storm Geraldine.
04:43Merry Christmas.
04:44Oh! For me? Wow!
04:46No!
04:47Manus Georgie!
04:48No, no, no, no!
04:49I don't believe it!
04:51No, I won't touch you.
04:52I won't touch you.
04:53No, don't. Don't touch them.
04:54We'll hug in a moment.
04:55Come in!
04:56Don't touch them.
04:57Oh, they're gorgeous!
04:58They're gorgeous!
04:59Thank you, Mal.
05:00This is the last of the bags.
05:01Great. Thanks so much.
05:02John, you didn't tell me you were bringing a lover.
05:04Mal lives in my cellar.
05:05It's not like that.
05:06No, he just drove us here.
05:07Oh, it's all right.
05:08Wink, wink.
05:09Lord, the merrier.
05:10No, no, no.
05:11He's fine. He has plans.
05:12It's okay.
05:13Have you got plans?
05:14Yeah, I was just going to use your loo if I may before I nip off.
05:15I've got a date with John McClane.
05:17John McClane?
05:18No, fantastic. You're a homosexual.
05:20It's a die-hard reference. I was going to watch it with a curry.
05:23Oh, God, how ghastly.
05:24You will stay for a pre-prandial. Come on!
05:27What's pre-prandial?
05:28It's a posh word for a drink.
05:30Yeah.
05:33Yeah, okay, Pat, can you put Chris back on?
05:35Yeah, so I have an alert set up on my phone for when the flights reopen
05:39and if you could just have everyone there checking the internet.
05:42Where should I put my coat down then?
05:44Oh, keep it on.
05:45This house is bloody freezing.
05:47Isn't it magical?
05:49It's giving hardcore Narnia vibes.
05:52Right?
05:53I mean, wow.
05:56That's what I call a tree.
06:02Is it plastic?
06:03Oh, my God, she's still got that.
06:05Daddy bought that in the 70s.
06:07Probably the newest thing in this place.
06:10How odd.
06:11I distinctly remember the scent of pine needles.
06:14No, this house smells the way it's always smelled.
06:17Damp.
06:18Dogs.
06:19Desperation.
06:22I've been absolutely dying for you to arrive.
06:26We've got everything here.
06:27We've got some olives over there.
06:28There's this trout pate.
06:30We've got mini quiches, prawn volvoz, and these really fun things from Marks and Spencer's.
06:36Mini burgers.
06:37Have you seen these?
06:38Oh, oh, oh, oh.
06:39No, no, no, no.
06:41We'll have to clean that one up, won't we?
06:43Joanie?
06:44Where should I put the pavlova?
06:45Is that Granny Gush's recipe?
06:46Yes, it is.
06:47Minus the powdered egg.
06:48I thought it might be fun to recreate that famous pudding photo from that amazing Christmas.
06:58Yes.
06:59I've got it in the oven.
07:00Let me look for the oven.
07:01You won't do it.
07:02You'll dig it out.
07:03Everybody dig in.
07:04Flick.
07:05Deviled egg.
07:06Have a deviled egg.
07:07Flick.
07:08Deviled egg.
07:09Flick.
07:10Deviled egg.
07:11Fine.
07:12I'll have a deviled egg.
07:13I think it's under here somewhere.
07:16Where's that famous photo?
07:18Ah.
07:19Ah.
07:20Ah.
07:21Oh.
07:22Yes.
07:23Now look at that.
07:24Look at that.
07:25It is.
07:26Look at Gang Gang.
07:27What a hottie.
07:28Is that Yima?
07:30Yeah.
07:31That was me pre-blossom.
07:32Just on the cusp of discovering clearacillin wonderbras.
07:35My goodness.
07:36Look at that.
07:37I'm wearing the same jumper.
07:39Oh Jo, no.
07:40Stop.
07:41That's perfect.
07:42I thought it'd be really fun to restage the photo with Manus and George.
07:45So the Hemsworth brothers did one sitting on their mum's lap and it pretty much broke the internet.
07:50I remember the Hemsworth brothers.
07:52Hmm?
07:53Hemsworth brothers.
07:54Yes.
07:55You stepped out with one.
07:56They had the tractor dealership in Ampney St. Peter.
07:58That was the Hemswood brothers.
08:00Hemswood.
08:01Yeah.
08:02I slept with all three of them.
08:03Oh.
08:04Well done you.
08:05And the father.
08:06Mummy.
08:07Oh jolly good.
08:08Now.
08:09Drinky poos.
08:10Oh damn.
08:11What's that?
08:12I didn't mean.
08:13What's in those ones?
08:14Oh is that you Flick?
08:15No one must see those.
08:16Yep.
08:17Yep.
08:18Yep.
08:19Yep.
08:20Yep.
08:21Yep.
08:22What the f-
08:25This house is literally freezing.
08:32My family will be back for mass about now.
08:36Do you think Jesus will punish me for missing his birthday?
08:39You know what you need eh?
08:41Slow gin.
08:42Very good for melancholia.
08:43The night my father died I drank two bottles as right as rain in the morning.
08:47I suppose I could have a small glass just to steady the nerves because I don't think I've ever done a Christmas with my family.
08:54No no no no.
08:55None of that now.
08:56Come on.
08:57Get that down your gullet.
09:01Gah.
09:02Yes got a kick to it.
09:03Gah.
09:04That's the 1978 vintage.
09:05The year you were born.
09:06Oh.
09:07True.
09:08Now what do the children want?
09:09What can we get for them?
09:10Do you have any prime?
09:11No.
09:12Prime?
09:13Don't worry he'll have a Coca Cola.
09:14I've got a cola.
09:15There we go.
09:16Lovely.
09:17Oh.
09:18Come on.
09:19Oh.
09:20I think that's seen better days Ludo can have that.
09:22Ludo.
09:23Ludo.
09:24Ludo.
09:25Look what's here.
09:26Look what's here.
09:27Jane.
09:28Oh no.
09:29Look what's here.
09:30Look what's here.
09:31Jane.
09:32Oh no.
09:33For your Christmas present.
09:34Oh no.
09:35Yes.
09:36Oh that's marvellous.
09:37I don't believe it.
09:38That's tremendous of you.
09:39Stop it.
09:40Stop it.
09:41Stop it.
09:42Look at that.
09:43Wow.
09:44Wee.
09:45Oh.
09:46Oh my goodness.
09:47No.
09:48Joan.
09:49It's the bath.
09:50Joan.
09:51And I've swallowed it.
09:52I'll have a bath later darling.
09:54I'll have a bath later.
09:55Didn't I just gift you that?
09:57Yes.
09:58I loved it so much that I went out and bought exactly the same one for Aunt Jane.
10:04I need ice in my whisky.
10:06You'll find plenty in the toilet.
10:08Now will you come in here and sit down please?
10:10Oh thank you.
10:11I was actually going to hit the road.
10:13Oh no no.
10:14We're not having you spending a day alone.
10:15You and Anne are our Christmas guests of honour.
10:17So sit.
10:18I've got a goose to go and get out of the oven.
10:21I've never been anyone's Christmas guest of honour before.
10:24This is the same one.
10:26To Amanda look from Anne.
10:28I went out and bought exactly the same one for Joan without the skin.
10:32I don't know.
10:33Luncheon is served.
10:34Oh.
10:35Lovely.
10:36Come on.
10:37Oh.
10:38Those are the photos.
10:39Ganggan doesn't want anyone seeing.
10:41Come on boys.
10:43I'm hungry.
10:44No.
10:45Tell them.
10:46Yes it's a larger box but it's actually the same value gift because I went by money spent.
10:52Anne.
10:53Not by value.
10:54OK.
10:55No devices please.
10:56I have to go.
10:57OK.
11:00Oh well don't sit there.
11:01Sorry because of the photos.
11:02We need to match the old pavlova pigs so yeah.
11:04Mummy needs to sit there.
11:05Joan's here.
11:06Mummy you're here.
11:07No I need a clear line to an exit.
11:09Well.
11:10OK.
11:11Well.
11:12Well.
11:13Yeah.
11:14We can all move round for pudding.
11:15Here it goes.
11:16Goosey Goosey Gander.
11:17Wait.
11:18Joan.
11:19Stop.
11:20Stop.
11:21Stop.
11:22Can you go back in and come back out.
11:23I want to film it.
11:24For the memories.
11:25Just tuck in.
11:26Tuck in.
11:27Tuck in.
11:28I just miss my family.
11:29You know Anne.
11:30Anne.
11:31Yes.
11:32Goosey Goosey Gander.
11:33Oh look at that.
11:35Well.
11:36Dig in.
11:37We've got a side of beef.
11:38Yorkshires.
11:39A ham.
11:40And some little piggies and blankets.
11:41Mum.
11:42Just eat it.
11:43It's Christmas.
11:44Hm?
11:45What?
11:46I'm vegan.
11:47Oh shit.
11:48Are you?
11:49It's fine.
11:50I'll just eat the veg.
11:51You won't.
11:52Not just eat the veg.
11:53Not on my watch.
11:54You won't.
11:55I'll rustle up a souffle.
11:57Oh.
11:58What?
11:59Joan.
12:00Do you see what I mean?
12:01It's just too much.
12:02She's just trying to make us all happy mummy.
12:05And did you notice the stuffed stoat in the hallway?
12:10No.
12:11No?
12:12Oh.
12:13Let me show you quickly.
12:14I'm not that into stoats.
12:15Yes.
12:16But honestly I think you'll find this one very interesting.
12:23Yeah.
12:24I don't know who told you that I was into stoats.
12:26But actually this one is quite unusual.
12:28Okay.
12:29Listen.
12:30Forget the stuffed.
12:31I just saw some pictures of Felicity I wasn't supposed to see and now I can't unsee what
12:34I saw.
12:35God.
12:36They weren't nudies were they?
12:37No.
12:38They're not nudies.
12:39Is anyone wearing a Nazi uniform?
12:40No.
12:41There's no Nazis.
12:42Just look.
12:43Oh.
12:44Blimey O'Reilly.
12:45Is that...
12:46Is that Felicity and...
12:48Sir Mick Jagger?
12:49Yes.
12:50Looks like they're on holiday together.
12:51Oh Jesus.
12:52He was such a ride back then.
12:53Yeah.
12:54Looks like he was riding Felicity.
12:56OMG.
12:57Is...
12:58Is she pregnant?
12:59Yes.
13:00And look.
13:01She's holding her stomach.
13:02And?
13:03Summer of 77.
13:06Joan just said that Amanda was born in 78.
13:08Uh huh.
13:09You don't think Sir Mick Jagger is...
13:11Mmm.
13:12No.
13:13No, no, no.
13:14Don't be ridiculous.
13:15I've seen enough episodes of Ally McBeal to know this is all purely circumstantial evidence.
13:20Just cause it goes clip-clap doesn't mean it's a zebra.
13:23Guys.
13:24Come on.
13:25We're about to eat.
13:30I want to win!
13:31I want to win!
13:32Here we are.
13:33Lovely.
13:34Let me get this on first.
13:35I'll need my glasses on.
13:36Here we go.
13:37Joke.
13:38Why didn't Santa pay for his sleigh?
13:42Mmm.
13:43Why didn't Santa have to pay for his sleigh?
13:45Because it was on the house.
13:46I know.
13:47I get it.
13:48Oh.
13:49That's so bad.
13:50It's actually quite good.
13:51I know.
13:52Another joke.
13:53How do you titillate an ocelot?
13:54I've no idea, Joan.
13:55How do you titillate an ocelot?
13:57You oscillate its tits a lot.
13:59That was brilliant.
14:01Oh dear.
14:02Not like she bloody wrote it.
14:03Come on, Flick.
14:04Your turn.
14:05Oh.
14:06Here we go.
14:07Woo!
14:08Mummy!
14:09Mummy, put the hat on.
14:10You'll need it for the pavlova photo.
14:11No, I don't do paper hats.
14:12Flick, do the joke.
14:13Where's the joke?
14:14I don't do jokes.
14:15Come on, Mummy.
14:16It's Christmas.
14:17Come on, Flick.
14:18Flick.
14:19Flick.
14:20Flick.
14:21Do the joke.
14:22Do the joke.
14:23Do the joke.
14:24Do the joke.
14:25Whee!
14:26Come on.
14:27What is the coldest country in the world?
14:30I don't know.
14:31What is the coldest country in the world?
14:34Russia.
14:35Oh.
14:36I think you're reading the trivia there, Felicity.
14:41Oh, Mummy.
14:42Where are you going, Mummy?
14:43We haven't done the photo.
14:44I'm going to watch the King's Speech.
14:45Oh, is it that time?
14:46Oh, I love the King's Speech.
14:47Brilliant.
14:48Everyone fill a glass.
14:49Let's go and sit and sort.
14:50We can do the pavlov we're after.
14:51Flick.
14:52Flick.
14:53Don't wait for us.
14:54Wait for us.
14:55Wait for us.
14:56Where's Sue?
14:57Go, go, go, go.
14:58Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
15:01Yes, yes, yes, yes.
15:05And turn victorious, happy and glorious,
15:16love to reign over us.
15:21God save the king!
15:27Very good, very good.
15:29And here we go.
15:33I have to say, this is the most delicious cav I've ever drank.
15:36It's not coffee, it's champagne.
15:38Real champagne?
15:39Yes.
15:40From France?
15:41Yes.
15:42I've never had French champagne from France before.
15:44Stop fussing, I can't see the television.
15:47Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes.
15:50I think Joan is lovely.
15:52Classic Stockholm syndrome.
15:54Are you a big fan of the royal family, Felicity?
15:57Oh, I've met a few of them.
15:59Camilla's a laugh.
16:00I've probably met a few members of the rock royal family in your time.
16:04Oh.
16:05I once lived next door but one to Christoburg.
16:07Oh, right, pavlova time!
16:10Oh, finally!
16:11Get the camera.
16:12I don't want pavlova.
16:13Mummy!
16:14You can't always get what you want.
16:17Um, actually, I can't think of food for a bit.
16:20Amanda, I overdid it on the parsnips.
16:22You don't have to eat it.
16:23It's just a photo.
16:24Oh, I know what we'll do.
16:25We'll have a parlour game while we all digest.
16:27Who'd like a round of Are You There Moriarty?
16:29I don't know what that is.
16:31Well, what about, um, Ho-ha-hee?
16:33Do you know that one?
16:34Or The Minister's Cat.
16:35Do you know that one?
16:36No, I don't know that one.
16:37Pass the slipper.
16:38No.
16:39Hot cockles.
16:40Hot cockles!
16:41What else have we got?
16:42Elephant's foot.
16:43Oh, for God's sake, why don't we just play hide-and-seek?
16:46Oh, that's a terrific idea.
16:47This is so much fun.
16:48Well done, that girl.
16:50I'll count to 50.
16:51Off you go.
16:52Off you go.
16:53And then after this, we'll do the pavlova.
16:54Right, I'll start now.
16:55Come on.
16:56One.
16:57I've started.
16:58Two.
16:59I've started.
17:00Three.
17:01Four.
17:02Anything to get away from her.
17:04Better hurry.
17:05Five.
17:07Six.
17:08Seven.
17:09Eight.
17:10There.
17:11Nine.
17:12Ten.
17:13I know, Chris, but I don't know what you expect me to do about it.
17:16I can't make a put on a shoe.
17:18I'm 300 miles away.
17:20Look, I really have to go.
17:24Bloody hell.
17:26Other people's Christmases are mental.
17:29When are we gonna tell her?
17:30What?
17:31Absolutely never.
17:32It's not our family secret, so we're gonna forget we ever saw those photos.
17:35But we did see those photos, Mal.
17:37And I really think Amanda deserves to know.
17:41What do I deserve to know?
17:42What the hell are you hiding?
17:44Yeah.
17:45We're playing hide and seek.
17:46What do I deserve to know?
17:49Ask Mal.
17:50Oh, thanks, Anne.
17:51Will someone tell me what's going on?
17:52Just show her the photos.
17:53Are these pictures of my mum on holiday?
18:04What's the big deal?
18:05Look who she's with.
18:06Is that Mick Jagger?
18:08Mm-hmm.
18:09Mummy, you?
18:10Minx!
18:11Sitting on Mick's lap.
18:12I sat on Prince Harry's lap when I was in Mahiki once.
18:15Did I get a mention in the book?
18:17Oh, my God.
18:19She's pregnant.
18:21That's hardly a secret.
18:22Keep looking.
18:23She's smoking.
18:27No.
18:28No.
18:29No.
18:30Look at the date on the back of the folder.
18:31Okay.
18:32Are you holding the bump?
18:33No.
18:34No way.
18:35No way.
18:37Is my father...
18:45Quick, hide it.
18:46Do you know.
18:47Oh, shh, shh, shh, shh!
18:48Wait.
18:49Oh!
18:51Is that an airing giveaway?
18:53Okay, it'll...
18:57I don't need my nose, but my glimpse.
19:02Oh, God, it's a snifter.
19:26It's so weird, isn't it?
19:28When you look at us together, Mal, look.
19:30Mal, look.
19:32Mal.
19:33Can you open that door, please?
19:34I need some air.
19:35This is insane.
19:37I mean, it's a shock, but it's also not a shock, you know,
19:40because it explains a lot.
19:42I mean, I wonder if the man I thought was my father
19:44ever knew the truth.
19:46Poor Daddy.
19:49Well, this must be why my parents divorced.
19:52Maybe Joan told them that must be why we never see Joan.
19:56That sounds about right.
19:59Can you just pull my sleeve, please?
20:01I can't get some layers off.
20:04Come in.
20:09Where are you?
20:11Oh, my God, it's locked.
20:15Can't get under there.
20:25Hoist by your own petard there, Anne, I think.
20:28Oh, my goodness.
20:28My system's not used to champagne.
20:31No.
20:32Come on, more to find.
20:37What is it now?
20:39Yeah.
20:40Another little slifter.
20:48Oh, gotcha.
20:50Oh, please don't tell, Mum.
20:52I won't if you won't.
20:53Oh, I'm dead.
21:00I'm on my way.
21:04I fated, I fated.
21:06Oh, ding dong.
21:08Christmas comes once a year.
21:10Do you know, I knew you two were loved, though.
21:12We not.
21:13He just drove us here.
21:14I thought I had to take some clothes off.
21:16Cat's out the bag, Joanie.
21:20I've seen the photos.
21:21Oh.
21:22Yeah.
21:24Spill the tea.
21:26Right.
21:26Well, I suppose it's only a matter of time, but listen,
21:28you're going to have to speak to your mother about those.
21:31Where is she?
21:32I'm buggered if I know, because I've searched the whole house.
21:35No, darling, you stay with your paramour.
21:36Have you finished?
21:37Finished.
21:37Stop, Joanie.
21:38Can I have some water, please?
21:40That's all I'm going to say.
21:42Right, OK, let's split up.
21:49I'll take the lawn.
21:50Joan, you do the meadow.
21:52The meadow.
21:52And Anne, you and the kids check the drive.
21:55OK.
21:58Felicity!
22:00Ganga!
22:02Would you look at this, huh?
22:04Felicity!
22:05Christmas night.
22:07I'd still be doing the washing up at home if I was there right now.
22:09Yeah.
22:10Not standing here.
22:12Looking at the stars.
22:16Sorry, hang on.
22:16Sorry.
22:17What's...
22:17Oh, God.
22:19Oh, Grace.
22:21What?
22:22There's a flight out of Heathrow tonight.
22:24That's good news, isn't it?
22:26Yeah.
22:27Great air, great.
22:29Yes.
22:31All I have to do now is just click this link to confirm.
22:37Oh, no, would you look at that?
22:39My phone's off to running out of battery.
22:40Oh, no, what a shame.
22:43Oh, I just guess it wasn't meant to be, huh?
22:46What a bummer.
22:49Just got to end up staying here.
22:52Yeah.
22:52Hey, do you know what?
22:54I'm going to go for a walk.
22:57Yeah.
22:58Felicity!
22:59Yeah, this is just...
23:02It's better than cavern.
23:04Felicity!
23:06According to Wikipedia, I have eight brothers and sisters.
23:11Jay Jagger came in once when I was at Quo Vadis.
23:14I wonder, did she know?
23:18Felicity!
23:20It's mad.
23:21I think I could be spending next Christmas with them in Turks and Caicos.
23:24Ah!
23:25Whoa!
23:26Amanda!
23:27Ow!
23:27I just fell in the ha-ha!
23:31Are you all right?
23:32Yes!
23:33I am all right, Mal.
23:34Why are you laughing?
23:36You fell in the ha-ha!
23:38Who falls in a ha-ha?
23:39Stop it!
23:40It's not funny!
23:41You fell in a ha-ha!
23:42Come on!
23:44Get up!
23:46Amanda!
23:47I'm so sorry!
23:48Oh, my God!
23:49Oh, you know what?
23:50Thank you so much for today.
23:53Really.
23:54It beats lying on a couch with a curry and horse dinner.
24:03Is that Jane's dog?
24:05Mummy!
24:07Mummy!
24:09Felicity!
24:11I don't know.
24:14What?
24:14Ludo, wait, wait!
24:17Ludo!
24:18Huh?
24:20Oh!
24:22What did you say?
24:32Aha!
24:33Very away in a manger.
24:34Ah!
24:35I knew it was too good to last.
24:37Well, you're the last one to be found, so...
24:38That makes you the winner!
24:40Yes!
24:40Bravo, that girl!
24:41I tell you what.
24:42I could do you a big scoop of the Stilton, and I'll crack open a bottle of port.
24:46Stop.
24:46You don't have to have port.
24:47Just stop talking.
24:48Please.
24:49It's too much.
24:50It's Christmas!
24:51It's supposed to be too much!
24:52No, you're too much.
24:53All this you're out of Eva and endless glee and everything.
24:56It's just...
24:56It's just...
24:57Just stop!
24:58Please!
24:59It's just...
25:00Okay.
25:01Okay.
25:05Stop!
25:09Oh!
25:11Look.
25:12Please don't cry.
25:13I'm not crying.
25:14Come on, Joanie.
25:15This is what happens when you stop.
25:18The old black dog creeps in and...
25:21Oh, come on, put yourself together.
25:22Put yourself together, Joanie.
25:23Why are you being like this?
25:26Well, because of you, Flick.
25:27What nonsense.
25:29Do you remember what they used to call us on that ghastly old debutante circuit?
25:34Mm-hmm.
25:35Great hair and the spare.
25:39Oh, actually, that's all the good.
25:40Yeah, it's all about the beautiful Felicity Wyndham, and I was just the podgy little sister.
25:46So I decided to be the life and soul of the party.
25:50Hostess with the mostess, the last one standing at the barn dance.
25:53And I can tell you something, after 60 bloody years, it's exhausting.
26:01Why didn't you ever see anything before?
26:04Oh.
26:05Well, it took Amanda to twist your arm to get you down here.
26:08Mummy?
26:09Oh, it's her.
26:10Oh.
26:11Oh, yeah.
26:11Yes, we're here!
26:12We're here!
26:13Hello.
26:17There she is.
26:18You know, I've spent the whole day trying to recreate the perfect family Christmas.
26:25But it turns out my whole life has been a lie.
26:29For God's sake, Amanda, stop being so melodramatic.
26:32Look, let's go inside and do your moment with the pavlovas.
26:35Yes.
26:35No, Mummy.
26:36I know your secret.
26:39And I know Joan knows.
26:40And that's why you didn't want to come here.
26:42Because you were worried she'd spill the beans.
26:45What is she talking about?
26:51Mummy, I've seen the photos.
26:54I have in my hand the proof.
27:00I'm Sir Mick Jagger's love child.
27:07What?
27:09Give those to me.
27:10Give those to me.
27:11Give those to me.
27:11That's not Mick Jagger.
27:17That's our cousin Rosamund.
27:19Oh, God.
27:20I mean, she was rather Jagger-esque, don't you think?
27:22Look, with the slim hips and everything.
27:23Oh, my God.
27:24Did you get her round robin this year?
27:25They had to put down Pinky.
27:27Okay, so if Mick Jagger isn't holding your pregnant belly,
27:30then what is the big deal?
27:31Why didn't you want anyone to see them?
27:33Look, the thing is, I wasn't pregnant in this photograph.
27:36I was fat.
27:38What?
27:40It was the 70s.
27:41I'd just discovered Black Forest Gatto.
27:45And that's our big family secret,
27:47that you were once fat for a summer?
27:50Yes.
27:52Though your father rather liked it.
27:54And you were conceived on that holiday.
27:57Oh, God.
27:58I just sent George and Maychag or a DM.
28:07Can we, uh...
28:08I'm freezing.
28:11What was she thinking?
28:13Oh, sorry, Joanie.
28:14Oh, it's all right.
28:15It's all right, honestly.
28:17Merry Christmas.
28:20If there's any consolation,
28:22I always felt that Ma and Pa loved you more than they loved me.
28:25Oh, well.
28:27I'd have swapped that any day for a go on a Hemsworth brother.
28:30Ooh.
28:34Is that singing?
28:36Yes, it's Anne.
28:37Come and enjoy!
28:39Come and enjoy!
28:42Oh, tiny glass of...
28:44Oh!
28:46She's falling in the ha-ha.
28:48She'll be fine.
28:50Come on.
28:50And then John McClane ties this hosepipe around his waist
28:56because he thinks the guy in the helicopter is going to shoot him.
28:58So he's got no way out.
29:00So he ties himself in nice and tight.
29:02Is he topless?
29:03No, no, no.
29:04But by this point, he's down to his vest.
29:06How is this a Christmas film?
29:09What?
29:10You all right?
29:10Of course it's a Christmas film.
29:12Anyway, just a helicopter.
29:14I'm sorry Mick Jagger wasn't your father.
29:16I just thought that I was special.
29:23You are special.
29:30Of what it's worth.
29:31I'm sorry you didn't get to sleep with a rolling stone.
29:34Well, I did sleep with Mick once or twice back in the day,
29:36but not in a way that you would get pregnant.
29:39Right, everyone, we're going to do Amanda's photo.
29:42Oh, Mummy.
29:43Really?
29:44Shall I get the pavlova?
29:45I mean, I could take the photo for you.
29:47No, guys, you're all in it.
29:49Come on.
29:49There we go.
29:50Everyone ready?
29:51Yeah.
29:52I'll just do the timer.
29:53Hang on.
29:54Oh, no, no.
29:55Hang on.
29:55Quickly, quickly.
29:56Hang on.
29:57Okay, quickly, quickly.
29:58Come on, everybody.
29:59Shh.
30:00Are we ready?
30:00Say cheese.
30:02Cheese.
30:02Cheese.
30:05Oh.
30:06Ah.
30:07There's a girl that likes a pudding.
30:15She's ready.
30:16How many times do you do?
30:17Which means?
30:18I'll be right.
30:19She's ready.
30:19She's ready.
30:20I'm, too.
30:21Fine.
30:21She's ready.
30:22Listen, essay.
30:22Bye.
30:23See you next time.
30:25Bye.
30:25Bye.
30:25Bye.
30:26Bye.
30:26Bye.
30:27Bye.
30:27Bye.
30:29Bye.
30:30Bye.
30:31Bye.
30:33Bye.
30:34Bye.
30:35Bye.
30:35Bye.
30:37Bye.
30:37Bye.
30:37Bye.
30:38Bye.
30:39Bye.
30:39Bye.
30:40Bye.
30:41Bye.
30:41Bye.
Be the first to comment