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The 2 Johnnies Late Night Lock In
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FunTranscript
00:00Oh
00:24Me to the best of the two Johnny's late night lock-in
00:30Now there are so many great moments from the last series who can forget Margot Robbie giving Johnny B a piggyback
00:39Ah the time we bet Ronaldo on headers and volleys
00:42Yeah Taylor Swift and Sabrina Carpenter remember they did that acoustic version of the guy that scammed the rat
00:46That's right
00:48But it tells you just how good tonight's show is cause none of them made the highlight reel
00:55All right, let's take a look at what didn't make the call roll that tail
01:00Now it's time to find out who's in the bar
01:07Who's in the bar?
01:09Don't know how I learned how to do this, but I can balance things on my nose on my face
01:14I can balance pretty much pretty much anything I think on your face. Yeah, that's showbiz
01:20Now now
01:22Oh
01:24Oh
01:26Oh
01:28Oh
01:30Oh
01:32Oh
01:34Oh
01:36Oh
01:38Oh
01:40Oh
01:42Oh
01:44Oh
01:46Oh
01:48Oh
01:50Oh
01:52Oh
01:54Oh
01:56Oh
01:58Oh
02:00Oh
02:02Oh
02:04Oh
02:06Oh
02:08Oh
02:10Oh
02:12Oh
02:14Oh
02:16Oh
02:18Oh
02:20Oh
02:22Jesus
02:24Oh
02:26Oh
02:28Oh
02:30Oh
02:32Oh
02:34Oh
02:36Oh
02:38Oh
02:40Oh
02:42Oh
02:44Oh
02:46Oh
03:16Oh
03:26You yourself almost had a career as a pop star. I did audition for a boy band for Louie Walsh. Yeah
03:34How'd it go? Yeah, not great
03:37It was in the pod in Dublin remember yeah, yeah, they call my name up and I'm starting to sing I can show you the world from Aladdin
03:46I
03:50Don't know how do you know what I started to I?
03:55Started I'm in trouble
03:58So afterwards anyway, you get that kept going to me come that one get your wallet
04:01I'm gonna put you in a bed. I go put your bond. I was like, yeah, yeah, okay, cool. I'm getting all brilliant
04:06After that audition took me outside. He says
04:08Maybe not this band, but but I'm definitely working something I was like, all right brilliant. I thank God the time
04:13I really messed that up. It's okay. Yeah, no, let me get you in something. I really want to do something when you're going brilliant
04:17He said no we have to get something don't them ears
04:23Get something done with them ears here. Yeah, and I was like I was gonna go up. I'm only 16. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay
04:29Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure so I went home with it saved me man
04:32He said I have to get something don't me ears. I was thinking my mom would say like cheeky bastard
04:36Yeah, yeah, let me my turn around says do you want to get something don't them?
04:44Last week in York there was a man playing with himself up in the stalls of the show. I know I'm thrilled. Yeah
04:51I was absolutely delighted. I was like shut up
04:58Was he hot? Was he wearing a ring? What was the crack?
05:00Because that just never happened
05:02But he was like having a little
05:03Now I was fed
05:05I didn't know how in tech he was having a little go of himself I'd say
05:08What? He wasn't having a full
05:10Right. You know what I mean? He wasn't full of pepper shit
05:12No, it was like
05:14Yeah
05:17Yeah
05:18It was a little sprinkling
05:20Would you say a little sprinkling of sort?
05:21A fondle?
05:22A fondle
05:23It's like he was playing three blind mice on himself
05:25Because then I didn't know
05:28Well anyway, I saw the footage of it and it was quite innocent in the end
05:31Okay
05:32It wasn't the compliment I thought it was
05:33Ah right
05:34Yeah
05:35But when he was removed you just went
05:36And I was like that's not that hot you should have fought for me, do you know what I mean?
05:40I was like
05:41I want to stay and finish because she's still hot and just left
05:43So that's the closest thing I've had
05:45What kind of commitment is that?
05:46I think I'm seeing him now
05:47I think we're going to doubt
05:50True or false, were you the only boy in an all girls school?
05:54True, yeah
05:55True
05:56Why?
05:57What?
05:58I don't know
05:59I didn't make up the rules
06:01Not with me, folks
06:02I think they just left it so long to put me into a school that there was no
06:07In our local area there was no places left, right?
06:10So they had to just get you have to go to school it's law
06:13Yeah
06:14And eventually the only school that would take me was the girls school
06:17So I went in so I spent the first seven years of my school with all girls
06:21In my class and everything
06:23We have a picture of you here
06:24Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
06:25Very over dressed for a Monday
06:26Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
06:27That was just when I wore to school, yeah
06:28I looked like a little cult leader in that, don't I?
06:29It's like all these little miniature wives that I have, that this little cult leader has
06:34Looking back on it, I was like, no one's going to want to touch me, well I was wrong
06:50I didn't know it blew up and then I tweet Putin and it was the worst thing ever
06:55You tweeted who?
06:57Putin?
06:58Vladimir Putin
06:59I tweeted
07:00I tweeted
07:01What did you say to him?
07:02I just said
07:03Hey bro, how much did you pay them?
07:05He's here tonight making that
07:09I'm not loud
07:10I'm not loud
07:11I'm not loud
07:12I'm not loud
07:13I'm not loud
07:14I'm not loud
07:18Scourious
07:19It came for about a year or two after that
07:22Anything about some versions I shit myself up
07:24I was like, someone's just going to stick a pen on me or something like that
07:27And I'll have a say now, poison
07:28What is your record on the long jump?
07:306.32
07:316 metres
07:32Pines 3.2
07:34Right, well the reason we're asking that is because earlier
07:38Meself and Smacks gave it a go
07:42We didn't know what was a good length, what was a bad length
07:44We've got a video here of Johnny trying to see it
07:47Do you want to see it?
07:48Yeah
07:49Here we go
07:54I just want to say I am carrying a quad injury
07:57The grinds a bit tight
07:58I didn't have the right runners
08:02Several things
08:03Right, okay, would you do the honours
08:05Can we stand up?
08:06Yeah, you can reveal that
08:08Where you are there?
08:10Smacks got 1.7
08:12I'll take that
08:14Pretty good
08:15It doesn't
08:16It looks better measured out than it does on the video
08:20Let's have a look and see how Johnny B got on
08:24Oh
08:26He was cheating, he had really good runners on
08:30What did you get John?
08:32I did slightly better, I got 2.2
08:34What did you see you got again?
08:366.32
08:376.32
08:38Okay, we're just going to explain that to people
08:41If we can
08:42You jumped
08:44There's 4
08:46There's 5 metres
08:486.32 here
08:50Well I have 2 dogs, I had 2 dogs, I've had a 3 legged lurcher called Lola for years
09:04And then we fostered Mick
09:06Who has 4 legs
09:07And
09:08And there they are there, yeah
09:10I don't know
09:12I don't know what they're doing
09:14It looks like Lola's going
09:24It looks like Lola's going
09:25You've got to earn your place in this house
09:27We know at the same time that say all ye jockeys
09:30You're all in the same way room
09:32You're all like kind of talking out together for want of a better room
09:34We're literally beside each other
09:36Can I get spicy in there like?
09:38Do you know what I mean?
09:40If something like cut me off now in a corner he'd be
09:42Yeah, there's kind of a code
09:44Right
09:45It can get spicy, there'd be a couple of
09:46But really like we're small little lads
09:49It's kind of
09:50It's kind of a more of a
09:52Don't do that again
09:54Why is Samba so hard?
09:56Because it's all about like bounce and a move in your hips and your body
10:00So
10:02So
10:04Cammy, is there any music in this place?
10:06Yeah
10:07Can we get a bit of Samba music?
10:09There we go
10:11Can you explain how did we go?
10:12There we go
10:13How did we go?
10:14Hang on, there we go
10:15Hang on, there we go
10:16Hang on, there we go
10:17Hang on
10:18Hang on
10:19Hang on
10:20Hang on
10:21Hang on
10:22Hang on
10:23Hang on
10:24Hang on
10:25Could you explain the basic steps?
10:27So that's actually
10:28Whoever put that song on, that's very fast
10:30Right
10:31So we don't normally go that quick but they're bachicadas that you would do to that
10:35I knew it was a bachicada
10:36Yeah
10:37Classic bachicada
10:38So you close our feet
10:39Right close feet lads, I hope you all do with us
10:40Come on, we all do with us
10:41Let's
10:42And girls, come on
10:43Hang on
10:44Hang on
10:45Hang on
10:46Hang on
10:47Hang on
10:48Hang on
10:49Hang on
10:50Hang on
10:51Hang on
10:52Hang on
10:53Hang on
10:54Hang on
10:55Hang on
10:56Hang on
10:57Hang on
10:58Hang on
10:59Hang on
11:00Hang on
11:01Hang on
11:02Hang on
11:03Hang on
11:04Hang on
11:05Hang on
11:06Hang on
11:07Hang on
11:08Hang on
11:09Hang on
11:10Hang on
11:11Hang on
11:12Hang on
11:13Hang on
11:14Hang on
11:15Hang on
11:16Hang on
11:17Hang on
11:18Hang on
11:19Hang on
11:20Hang on
11:21Hang on
11:22Hang on
11:23Hang on
11:24Hang on
11:25Hang on
11:26Hang on
11:27Oh
11:44Okay, well seeing as you are the only real pro presenter here you do live television all the time
11:49Oh, would you read the autocue and throw it to the link for us? I would love to
11:53Okay, we have got a camera on the streets of Waterford where everyone saw you
12:18We have got a camera on the streets of Waterford where everyone smells of cabbage
12:22And I'd never go there because they're all sod-busting blighting bog monsters
12:27To know what it is. It's way better. Also. I love the two audience
12:31And they're bare glass
12:36The two Johnnies, not the two audience
12:38Thank you, thank you
12:40Wow, and Wyrm wrote that herself
12:42Let's have another game of Irish or Aussie. Let's head back to Coogee Beach in Sydney
12:48Oh, it feels like home in a way, doesn't it?
12:51Doesn't it even just buzzing?
12:52Okay, right, so just by looking at somebody
12:54Who's this lad?
12:55Are the Irish or are the Australian?
12:57This lad looks so scared. Get in on him
13:02Get in on him
13:03Oh, he's got budgie
13:04Okay, don't say Anthony man
13:06You're live on television nod your head if you're up for playing a game
13:09I think he's got a big Irish head in him, but he's Australian from the neck down
13:13Yeah
13:16If that's at all possible
13:17Joanne, what do you reckon?
13:18I agree with you, the pants aren't, there's no Irish man to wear those pants
13:22But he does have an Irish head
13:24I'm confused
13:26audience, what do you reckon, Irish or Aussie?
13:30Okay, what's your name, mate, and where are you from?
13:32John from Ireland
13:33We've got a game that we're calling We Aren't Family
13:40Yeah, so we've got a camera out in the streets of Galway
13:42where all the members of the family are dancing to the same tune
13:45But here's the catch
13:45One person isn't in the family
13:47Your job is to spot the imposter
13:49Okay
13:50Okay, all right
13:51Let's go live to Galway
13:52Okay, here we go
13:55Lads, we've got the DeSantis family
13:57I feel like I know already
14:00From one to six straight away
14:02Roddy, you're looking at them
14:03Who do you think is not in the family?
14:07In the family?
14:08Yeah, they're all a family, but I won
14:10That fella number two
14:11He looks a bit round
14:15Andrew, what do you reckon?
14:17Number three, because he looks too happy
14:21No family's that happy
14:22Yeah
14:23Okay, Karen, what do you reckon?
14:24Oh, now you're going close, it's hard
14:25Yeah
14:26No, so that's what they look, the image
14:28Yeah
14:28That fella on the end looks like he's just being plumped there
14:32It could be him, right
14:33He looks like awkward
14:34They say the rhythm is in the genes
14:36So let's find out
14:37We'll get them dancing
14:38Let's see
14:39Is this live?
14:40Yeah, this is live in Galway
14:41Go on, you good people
14:42Okay
14:42Right, hit the music
14:43Oh, I'd take a number four
14:53Who do you reckon?
14:56It's amazing, number four is dancing with his tongue
15:02Karen, who's not in the family?
15:03Oh, that's so hard
15:04I tell you, I think number three is American
15:07Number three looks a bit, yeah, he looks a bit foreign
15:10Okay
15:11But so does number one
15:12That girl looks too jolly compared to the rest of them
15:14Okay, who's not in the family?
15:16Three
15:18What do you call it?
15:19What number four are you reckon?
15:20Rodney Rick is four
15:21I'll tell you what, say it not
15:22Because we'll find out after the break
15:23Welcome back to the Two Johnny's Late Night Lock-In
15:48Now, before the break
15:53We've seen the DeSantos family on the streets of Galway
15:56But one person wasn't actually part of the family, John
15:59Yes, let's go back to Galway and see, lads
16:00Right, looking at the screens
16:02Who do we think is not part of the family, lads?
16:04What do you reckon?
16:04What number?
16:06Six
16:08What are we saying?
16:09Okay, okay
16:09Moment of truth
16:10Moment of truth
16:11We think it's number four
16:12Some people are saying number six
16:14Would the real imposter please step forward?
16:18Oh
16:25Okay, number four
16:27What's your name and how do you know the family
16:29Or have you ever met them before?
16:30My name is Cian and I have no idea who these people are
16:35Put your hands together and a big thank you to everybody on the streets of Galway
16:38We're raising children not to play outside because it's too dangerous
16:57Don't let them play outside, why?
16:58What in case they discover exploration independence problem solving resilience and essential fucking adult skills
17:04And ironically leaving them indoors with the iPad where the paedophiles actually live by the way on the internet
17:10So we find ourselves in an environment
17:17I learnt this recently
17:19Ireland has a navy
17:24We've seven boats lads
17:27Oh the dictators of the world are shitting themselves now aren't they huh?
17:31We have seven ships seven vessels and their job is to go around the island
17:37To go around the island now I don't know if they go up the north right
17:42I haven't googled it yet right so they go three quarters around the island right
17:48Or up there I'm a cross community comedian pick your side lads right
17:52And their job and I didn't know this when I go to bed at night on my lovely warm pillow there's men and women out there on the water
18:01Away from their own families
18:03Four or five weeks at a time protecting our country they're away from their own families riding each other
18:11Oh, they're all at it just like the guards and the teachers
18:13Oh, they love it. Oh, they live out in the Atlantic Ocean they love it like
18:28And they're away from they're away from away from their own families protecting our country
18:33And I'm at home and these people will never let us down if we ever get invaded
18:37But only in Ireland would this happen
18:39That one day on the news the government announced to the rest of the world that five of the ships were broken
18:47What sort of a country announces to the rest of the world
18:52That their first line of defense is broken keep your mouth shut lads
18:58Tell them you have a hundred boats and say nothing right
19:02I know the uk have a policy to stop the boats in ireland we can't even fecking start ours like you know
19:08I
19:13This is the weirdest rte show I have ever done ladies and gentlemen
19:18And I just recently did high road low road for rt1 anybody see it yeah
19:22If anybody see okay, you flick a coin two percenters flick a coin one person gets the high road the high-end five-star experience
19:27The other person gets a low road the shite experience high road low road
19:31Colin murphy and I went to poland colin murphy got front row tickets to a cold play concert
19:36Backstage passes and a chance to chat to chris martin one-on-one for 25 minutes and I got the high road
19:42Oh
19:47Stayed at home
19:50Stayed at home
19:52I am single at the minute
19:55Yes meet me at the bar afterwards
19:58But I think I think I know why I'm single now. I think I figured it out
20:01I think it's because I like to think I can change a man
20:05Yes, the girls over here as well
20:07We love a little bit of a project don't we
20:09You know the way some men like to fix cars?
20:12Well, I like to fix men
20:14I'll look for something on the verge of breaking down and I'll be like come here to me
20:20And then I'll spend two years under that thing making sure it's roadworthy
20:23Don't worry guys as a comedian you're in safe hands with me. I'm very woke unbelievable
20:30Unbelievable like even when it comes to the old lgbt a I've got a best friend for every letter
20:36I
20:38Got a best friend very like lesbian. That's my friend jyvonne
20:41Like gee, that's my friend brian like tea trance. That's my friend jyvonne again. She's great. She covers a load of letters from me
20:50She's on the real that which is grace
20:53She doesn't cover asexual at the end people who don't want to have sex, but my wife sorts that one out, so it's fine
21:05You learn a lot when you become a dad the breastfeeding and all that I remember the very first time ever experiencing it
21:10I was there at my wife. She was trying to feed the baby. It wasn't really working
21:13I didn't realize I thought it just would work all the time, you know and god bless the nurses and nurse came into the room and
21:19Grabbed my wife's breast and my son's head with the elegance of a builder, you know
21:26Like picking an extension lead out of a puddle. I'll get it to work. Don't worry
21:30And now I kind of thrive on the awkwardness, you know, I love it like my my my my wife's dad was coming to visit when we had the baby and
21:39I could see by the walk on the man when he walked into the living room that he was going to go for a kiss with the baby and
21:46I also knew his daughter was feeding the baby
21:53So I could have stopped him
21:57But I was bored out of my mind, you know
22:00I said ah this would be good
22:02And fair play to him. He must have known when he got to there, but he kept going all the way down
22:05It was so awkward and then he tried to make a joke about it
22:09Which is something I wouldn't recommend to be quite honest with you because the joke he went for that evening, right was
22:15Leave some for me you greedy little shit
22:20You're glad lads, yeah
22:21Well, you haven't seen him since you know
22:24Am I the only fucker that can see the obvious link between the decline of drinking alcohol and the rise of celibacy
22:31It's fucking obvious
22:35Siobhan and no, I don't know how long you've been together
22:3924 years right we don't even need to check right unless you're muslim or a recovering addict no
22:44You were off your tits the first time you got it on with Siobhan there is no one there is no
22:50There is no other way there is no
22:53There is no
22:55Sorry
22:59Guaranteed
23:05Well
23:07We know
23:09Well now now that's guaranteed then I know we don't even need to check no do not confirm or do I know for a fact
23:15You wouldn't even be here tonight. You never would
23:17Were it not for alcohol you would not have been created there'd be an empty space there'd be no rose
23:24No, I would have had to get to the point where I go. I could see two of you. Can I smash one of you?
23:28It would have been something like that
23:31Wouldn't it?
23:32It's bang on. Thank you. That's it. Put your chips on my back now. Well, that's it
23:38I can feel the vinegar on my chinese tattoo
23:40Oh
23:42Thank you very much. Good evening
23:47Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for one of the greatest quizzes of all time. It's the parish quiz
23:52I
24:09Also heard your lifeguard your qualified lifeguard. Yeah, technically yeah, but I can't swim
24:16So your lifeguard you can't swim you're aware of what lifeguards do
24:19Yeah, how who how did you qualify and I did a class in school?
24:2520 other people and I was the only one that failed and they felt bad so they passed me
24:32I'll tell you one thing Dean if I'm ever in the river lab, please, please just offer me a soup instead
24:37What are you up to yourself? Oh did a bit of milk and doing a bit of nursing
24:41Bit of milk and a bit of nursing
24:43Yeah, the two ends
24:45I
24:47Are you a nurse?
24:49Trying
24:51I only dropped out once and I didn't drop out this past two years so I'm doing well now
24:55Should get on to Dean's teacher
25:00And who are you looking? Or who are you looking for?
25:03Who are you looking for?
25:07Pat Callan, he's a fellow up the road from me so right
25:10Welcome there nearly five years so now we heard you had an interest in the other roles of Trillie yourself
25:18What's this? What's going on?
25:19I know we love so we're only about 14 minutes odd from Trillie at home so we go back every year
25:24So I recognized a few of the faces when I came in this evening
25:27I know we love it
25:27How do you think Caitlin is doing?
25:29Oh, she's fab. Caitlin's a dote. She has such a good guy
25:31Great answer. Roasterly answer
25:33Great answer
25:35100% I feel like Dottie O'Shea already
25:37What a kill lady
25:39Hold on lads
25:40Do you have a favourite animal?
25:41I do, um, Snoopy the cow
25:46Snoopy the cow now, is Snoopy the cow just your favourite or is it a pet or what?
25:49Oh, it's a pet, yeah
25:50No, she, as a calf and a heifer she used to snoop into her pockets
25:55Right
25:56To see what she could find, usually sweets or something, you know
25:59Something good
26:01So that's why she got the name, Snoopy
26:03The way I left your favourite, there's a load of money in there
26:05There's none of that, Johnny
26:07And representing us is Jake Coyney, how are you, Jake?
26:11Too bad, no, too bad
26:13Well, Jake, how are you getting on, man?
26:15Rekt
26:17What has you rekt?
26:19A long way up
26:21We're up here every week, man
26:23Come on
26:25You could stay at home, we'd see each other as well
26:27Kicking off with John in Ross Noree
26:29Here's your question
26:31Hi Johnny, congratulations on becoming the third Johnny
26:33Just to ask you
26:35Who was the captain of the St Mary's
26:37Adult team that won the Junior B Championship
26:39And here's his mother
26:41And here's his mother
26:51It's a mirage
26:53Sorry, the man asking the question is standing right there
26:57And then the mother is there
27:01You obviously recognise that woman
27:03I do, yeah
27:04Who is it?
27:05Who is it?
27:06It's Mammy
27:07Wait, the woman in the video is your mother?
27:09Yeah
27:10OK, so the answer to the question is
27:12My brother James Lynch
27:14Let's find out if you're right
27:16Let's find out if you're right
27:18And the answer is
27:20James Lynch
27:21Yay!
27:26Munter Connacht, we're back to you
27:27Let's have your next question
27:30Well, Amy, Conor here
27:32I'm with the two Fergals
27:33You're with the two Johnnies
27:34Munter Connacht last won the Junior Championship in 1976
27:37against Bania
27:38Question for you today is
27:41Whose cows are those?
27:45Whose cows are they out the back of the GA field?
27:48Right
27:49It is
27:50Owen Brodie's cows
27:51Owen Brodie's cows
27:52Yes
27:53Right, well, let's find out if you're right
27:55And the answer is
27:56The Brodie's
28:02Tyg, we're starting with Nurnie
28:03Here we go, here's your question
28:04Hi Tyg, Gillian here from the shop
28:06Can you tell us
28:07Which local farmer sells us these potatoes?
28:12No Tyg, that's Gillian from the shop
28:15No need for first names
28:17The shop
28:18I like how you roll in Nurnie
28:20Too much hardship to name the shop
28:23It's just the shop
28:24Who produces them spuds?
28:26Eh, jeez
28:28John Byrne
28:29John Byrne
28:30Okay, alright
28:31John Byrne
28:32Let's find out if you're right
28:34And the answer is
28:36The Burns
28:37CHEERING
28:38Well done, well done
28:40And I'm tight
28:41And I'm tight
28:42And I'm tight
28:43And I'm tight
28:44And I'm tight
28:45OK, Aisling
28:46Let's go back to Khalidi for your next question
28:51Hi Aisling
28:53Margaret and Mike here
28:54We're here in the shop in Nahida
28:56And Margaret has a question for you
28:58Aisling, what year did my mother open the shop?
29:02Ooh
29:04Ooh
29:06Now that is
29:08Khalidi's posh and becks
29:09Margaret and Mike
29:11Oh God
29:12In what year did Margaret's mother open the shop?
29:14Oh, like I think it's the 50s
29:16Or between 53 and 54
29:18Come on, give it a go
29:1954?
29:211954
29:22OK, let's go back to Dexter's laboratory and find out
29:25And the answer is
29:281953
29:30Oh
29:31Oh
29:32Oh
29:33Oh
29:34Oh
29:35Unlucky
29:36Unlucky
29:37Jake, you ready?
29:40Just to go up now
29:42Let's go to the Premier County for our next question
29:47Hi Jake
29:49Andy here
29:50With Firmacool's two hounds
29:52But last Thursday evening
29:54This hound here, Pepe
29:56Had a big birthday party in Palmuca
29:58Your father was there with many others
30:00He had a cheesecake
30:01The lads had sponge cake
30:02But what age was Pepe?
30:07OK, the question is
30:08Hold on now
30:09The question is, what age was Pepe the dog last week?
30:11Well, I wouldn't invite it
30:12That was...
30:14Right
30:15I didn't even get to collect your father that night
30:17Er...
30:18That dog's fair old
30:2016
30:23That's a fair age
30:25Let's go back to Andy and find out if you're right
30:28Aye Jake
30:29I hope you got it right
30:30Or you'll be in trouble the next evening
30:32But Mr Pepe
30:33Celebrated his 16th birthday
30:40It's a draw lads
30:41Which means we need a tiebreaker
30:42Right
30:43Can we get Davy Russell to give us a hand with this tiebreaker
30:45Davy Russell
30:48Jump in here Dave
30:49This is in this item
30:50This is a tough quiz lads
30:52It is a tough quiz
30:53Well you see you're not from those parishes Davy
30:55I'm not
30:571953 and 1954
30:59Do you know what I mean?
31:00No, the hard one
31:01OK lads
31:02So our question is
31:03Davy Russell
31:04Champion jockey
31:05All his life
31:06Had to be on top of his weight
31:07In order to race
31:08Our question is
31:09Now he's retired
31:10What weight is he?
31:13You don't have a weight
31:14Do you have a weight skills?
31:15No please
31:16Tyg and Nerney
31:17To the nearest kg
31:18What weight would you say Davy?
31:19He's laying the mutton down
31:20It's pretty
31:23What's your reckon Tyg?
31:25His whole height
31:26His high quarters are
31:27Have a good look at him now
31:31What would you put on him Tyg?
31:33Eh
31:35Shhh
31:3788 kg
31:3888 kg
31:3988 kg
31:40What's that in all money?
31:41You don't know
31:42I don't know what that is in all money
31:4388 kg
31:44Ashley
31:45It's pure
31:46Shat in the deck
31:47I'd say
31:4885 kg
31:49OK
31:50She's meant for the less one
31:5185
31:52Well here's the moment of the truth
31:53Davy Johnson
31:55We're back in the weigh room
31:56Oh I mean like
31:57With or without clothes
32:00We'll be back after the break
32:02We'll leave on the clothes
32:03We'll leave on the clothes
32:04Oh just hop up in it
32:05She'll work away
32:06Will she?
32:07Including the boots
32:1188 kg
32:12Which means Tyg is the winner
32:23Now
32:24Here is the moment of the truth
32:25OK
32:26In one of these envelopes
32:27Is an all expenses paid trip
32:29To Las Vegas
32:30Now also in there
32:34OK
32:35Is
32:36A bag of spuds
32:37From
32:38The shop
32:39Which envelope are you going to take Tyg
32:42What's it going to be
32:43In one of them is the trip to Vegas
32:44In the others the bag of spuds
32:45We're going with this one
32:46You're going with that one closest to you
32:47OK Tyg open her up
32:48And let us know
32:50Dead right bless yourself
32:51I can be fingers crossed to you Tyg
32:52Hold it up to the camera
32:53Hold it up to the camera
32:54What have you got?
32:55What's it going to be?
32:56A bag of spuds
32:57And let us know
32:58Thank you
32:59Thanks for playing and asking
33:00Thank you
33:01Thank you
33:02for playing and asking
33:03It's you
33:04Because
33:05All the time
33:06Is
33:07Free from
33:08Desire
33:09Mind
33:10Intense
33:11Is
33:12Purified
33:13Free
33:14From
33:16Desire
33:17My
33:18Intense
33:19Is
33:20Free
33:21And now
33:37Now ladies and gentlemen you may not know this we don't like to bring it up too often but
33:41tip-one the Ireland
33:43Oh
33:45Take that carlo
33:49And tonight in the bar is a very important guest can I make my way down please if you don't mind ladies and gentlemen
33:55Sorry, how are you? You're not our guest, but thank you
33:59Not you and a good Kenny Jersey either ads because if you don't mind right here behind you all all evening has been
34:05Delima character
34:13Tipperary we're lucky enough to win it this year, but only ten counties have ever won the hurling All-Ireland Championship and
34:21Had the chance to climb those hallowed steps and make the famous speech
34:24So we thought we'd let some counties who have never won the All-Ireland
34:30Some people here in the audience might like to lift it like I see a whole mix of jerseys where you guys from?
34:35I'm Baltimore America. Baltimore have never won it
34:38Oh
34:40Right is say for example is there anyone here from Tyrone?
34:47Okay, let's go have a chance
34:51This this this should go well, I think
34:54Okay, who's from Tyrone?
34:57Tyrone have never won the Liam McCarthy have they? That's right, I know. Well, would you like the chance now to lift the cup and make a speech?
35:02Jesus, I'd love it, eh. Okay. Are you ready so in your own time ready?
35:06Oh
35:12Who would you like to thank?
35:14Jesus, I'd like to thank my whole family and all the good people at Trelickon, especially my uncle Rodney Kelly, a big inspiration for me
35:23No, this is this is unbelievable. Never thought I'd left this thing in my life
35:28Thanks very much
35:30Toronto everybody
35:36Thank you John now as Johnny B said only ten counties have won the Lee McCarthy Cup one of those counties have won it since 1998
35:45I am of course talking about Offaly
35:47Neil, do you remember the summer of 1998?
35:49Shut your face
35:53Yes, it was brilliant absolutely brilliant first team to be knocked out and still win it when it got in the back door
35:57The way all Offaly people like to do it
35:59Yeah
36:01That sounded weird with me
36:03I'm from Rosgray so right on the border
36:06Yeah, so occupied Offaly
36:07Yeah
36:08Yeah
36:09So you know I'm always kind of giving Offaly a ribbon but I think it's time that you know we get the Lee McCarthy or give it to an Offaly man
36:15Oh, yes, I think it's only fair answer
36:17Would you like to see Neil Delamere lift the Lee McCarthy Cup?
36:21I don't know about this
36:22For the boys of Offaly
36:24Come on, what about Carlo?
36:25No, no, no, no
36:28I don't know if I can do this, John
36:30There's a good chance
36:31There's a good chance I may not be able to show me face around Rosgrave for a while
36:34But Neil Delamere you've surely practiced this in the mirror as a young fella
36:37No, I knew I was so shy
36:39I didn't get anyone here
36:40I'd like to thank my uncle Rodney Kelly
36:45He's he moved down from Tyrone and this is why we won
36:48Can I do the speech I would make
36:50Oh lads it's listen it's customary in this position
36:53We want to say hip hip array to the losing team
36:57But it was Kilkenny and you can't beat those fuckers by enough so
37:00Oh blue it is a lovely colour
37:17Till it gets the second dip
37:19That's the way with the outland's courting
37:21You'll never know when he'll take a fit
37:23Madam I'm a darlin' a diro ditheroe
37:26Oh madam I'm a darlin' a diro ditheroe
37:29Oh madam I have gold and silver
37:32Madam I have tracks of land
37:34Madam I have ships in the ocean
37:36All I'm missing is a fine young man
37:38Madam I'm a darlin' a diro ditheroe
37:41Oh madam I'm a darlin' a diro ditheroe
37:43Oh madam I'm a darlin' a diro ditheroe
37:44Oh going to the well for water
37:46Washing it around for to make some tay
37:48He fell over, I fell under
37:50All of the game was above, didn't he?
37:52Madam I'm a darlin' a diro ditheroe
37:55Oh madam I'm a darlin' a diro ditheroe
37:58Oh madam you can tie my garter
38:00Tie it up above my knee
38:02If you want you can tie it further
38:04Madam I'm a darlin' a diro ditheroe
38:06Oh madam I'm a darlin' a diro ditheroe
38:08Oh madam I'm a darlin' a diro ditheroe
38:10Oh madam I'm a darlin' a diro ditheroe
38:12Oh madam I'm a darlin' a diro ditheroe
38:13Oh madam I'm a darlin' a diro ditheroe
38:15Oh madam I'm a darlin' a diro ditheroe
38:16Madam I'm a darlin' a dire O'Day
38:20Well, Ireland, that's just done.
38:23So, you can match the personality of an animal to what kind of person they should be with.
38:29It's not die or relate again with animals, is it?
38:32It kind of is.
38:33It's a rural Irish person.
38:34We're back to leash.
38:36There's two Jack Russells.
38:39We're wondering if you could describe...
38:40We've got an animal here for you.
38:42Yeah, this is Gujon, who is a five-year-old golden retriever.
38:46I mean, what kind of person owns a Gujon?
38:49Well, the person who should own a golden retriever is someone that likes to walk and someone who's active.
38:53Because a lot of dogs are rehomed because people get a cockapoo and they live in a fucking flat in Dublin or something.
38:58So, I would think a quite active person that likes walking.
39:02We've got another dog for you here.
39:04This is Ted Hastings, who's a four-year-old golden doodle.
39:08You know, what kind of a person owns him?
39:10Well, that would probably be an old lady or an elderly gay man.
39:16Great, we can tell you there are two dogs.
39:20Nailed it.
39:22Well, the question is which Johnny owns which dog?
39:25Oh.
39:27Who's been doing more walking?
39:30It's impossible to tell, isn't it?
39:33Golden retriever.
39:35Yeah.
39:36That's my Gujon.
39:37Golden doodle.
39:38He's going to one.
39:39He's going to one.
39:40I am a total heavenly gamer.
39:43Hello, Ash.
39:45So, we have a series of pictures which show you at your absolute peak.
39:48So, we thought we'd play a game.
39:50Are you up for this?
39:51Yeah.
39:52Okay, it's called Game Face where you have to tell us which event you are participating in just going from your facial expressions.
39:58Let's have a look at your first picture.
40:02It has to be long jump because I always put the worst faces to a long jump, surely.
40:07You reckon it's long jump?
40:08If I do that in any other event, that's really embarrassing.
40:11Let's find out if it is long jump.
40:12Yay!
40:13It's a long jump.
40:14Always the worst photos.
40:15Always.
40:16Let's have a look at another photo, Cain.
40:17Now.
40:18I know it instantly as well.
40:19Could have been a really big curry.
40:20What do you reckon, Cain?
40:21Has to be the shot put.
40:22The shot put.
40:23Has to be.
40:24This is me trying to do maths.
40:25Right, let's find out if it is the shot put.
40:35It is.
40:37Let's have one more.
40:38Let's have a look.
40:42I know it again.
40:48It's a long jump.
40:50Right, let's have a look.
40:51Is it the long jump?
40:52Is it the long jump?
40:54It is you long jumping over the Liddy!
41:00So we're going to show you some pictures.
41:02This is the view you would have had
41:04when you were riding these horses winning races.
41:06Are these horses that I rode?
41:08Yes. So let's have a look
41:10at horse number one.
41:12No way.
41:14No way. I didn't ride that horse.
41:16It's got a double bridle on. No way.
41:20You did? That's one of yours?
41:22That's one of yours.
41:24That's one of yours.
41:26There's no denying it now.
41:28I know they don't all look the same when you see the photos.
41:32That's one of yours.
41:34They don't all look the same from behind, Davy.
41:38Right, Davy, look. You rode this horse. Who is it?
41:40Sam Crow.
41:42It's Max. Well, Davy, let's find out if you're right.
41:44It is Sam Crow!
41:46That's amazing!
41:48OK, we've got another one.
41:50OK, Davy, here's a look at horse number two.
41:54No, that is...
41:56I would say a harder one.
41:58Very hairy.
42:00No, I...
42:02No, you did!
42:04Oh, we know you did!
42:06We know you did!
42:08We know you did!
42:10Right, I...
42:12I don't know that horse, no.
42:14Take a guess.
42:16If it's...
42:18Field or...
42:20It's not Irish Point.
42:22Oh, good horse.
42:24It was my last winner.
42:26Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:27It was my last winner.
42:28Yeah, good horse him, yeah.
42:29OK.
42:30He can't hear you.
42:31Let's have a look at one more.
42:32Let's have a look at one more.
42:33Ah, the man himself, is it?
42:36What are you saying?
42:37What are you saying?
42:38Is that the tiger?
42:39It is tiger oil!
42:40Yeah!
42:45What is he?
42:46Good horse.
42:47Good horse.
42:48Good horse.
42:49Your man still gives out about your fashion choices from time to time.
42:52I mean, is it fair to say she's trolling you a bit?
42:54When I'm...
42:55She is my ultimate troll.
42:56I had to ban her from texting me when I'm live on television.
43:00Because it was...
43:01Oh, state of your hair.
43:02Jesus.
43:03Bit heavy with the make-up.
43:04Bit heavy with the make-up this morning.
43:06Do you think that...
43:07Do you think that shirt is right?
43:08Oh my God, are you pregnant?
43:09Did you forget to tell me?
43:10And this is just...
43:11Wait, in the middle of the show?
43:13In the middle of...
43:14Like, it will start at 7 and it will not stop until 10,
43:16so I had to ban her.
43:17We have some of the messages that your mam has sent you.
43:19Oh no!
43:20Can't say she's got up.
43:22This is for you.
43:23The hair is...
43:24The hair is a big page.
43:25Can't see your face with your hair.
43:26With your hair.
43:27Yeah.
43:28So this is in the middle of the show.
43:29You might shake your forehead to break.
43:307.40 in the morning.
43:3120 to 8.
43:32I've been on air for 40 minutes.
43:33We have another one here.
43:34Hair lovely, but you're very pale.
43:36Very pale.
43:37It's not the time, Mary.
43:40We're living in different times, girls.
43:41Mary is on fire.
43:428.19.
43:43We've got another one here.
43:44Hate that blouse mirror.
43:45Bin, bin.
43:46Bin, bin.
43:49And I think this is my personal favourite.
43:51Love your jumper.
43:53TB3, keep showing your spanks.
43:57We've wondered, like, what it's like to get hit by a professional boxer.
44:00Yeah.
44:01And thankfully Johnny V has said he's willing...
44:03To get hit by a professional boxer.
44:07So we...
44:08So...
44:09I mean...
44:10Pretendies Putin.
44:11Would you...
44:12This one's not that potted.
44:13Good.
44:14Good.
44:15Good.
44:16It is...
44:17It is a bit the interesting.
44:18Give it to him, Mick.
44:19Fucking give it to him.
44:20You sound like that, yeah?
44:21Right.
44:22I'll get it wrong.
44:23Is he it?
44:24Is he it?
44:25Is he it?
44:26Is he it?
44:27Is he it?
44:28Is he it?
44:29Is he it?
44:30Is he it?
44:31Is he it?
44:32Is he it?
44:33Is he it?
44:34Is he it?
44:35Is he it right?
44:36Why are you good again?
44:37I'm good.
44:38Are you good again?
44:39Oh.
44:40What are you doing, one more?
44:41You're hitting me with your bad hand.
44:42Alright, appreciate that.
44:45Ooh!
44:58Well, after it's all your time for tonight, lads.
45:01Back in the house for the two Johnnies, late-night lock-in season finale!
45:08Yeah, yeah, fuck me, yeah!
45:13She'll attack, she'll attack, she's a maniac!
45:18All right.
45:21Let's do this.
45:22Woo-hoo!
45:25Woo-hoo!
45:27Woo-hoo!
45:28She walked across the net to that night, she was dressed and killed.
45:31She was a sexy lady, she had to get her thrills.
45:34I bet she can't get her, I bet she know all the need to defeat the temple.
45:38She was wrong for that life, she was here for the pride.
45:41She said, greetings, whole time with a new chair, whole time with a mic in the left hand.
45:45It's been a little fun to preach it.
45:47Are you ready now, living to the roots of life?
45:49It has no meaning.
45:50Are you ready now, move to the madness?
45:52I'm calling back to you.
45:53We bring this group to you.
45:57Are you ready now, move to the groove?
46:00Put your hands up in the air.
46:02One super question I ask you.
46:05Are you ready?
46:08Woo-hoo!
46:15All right.
46:16I think she can dance in the house tonight.
46:19Let's hear you sing it.
46:20She's a maniac.
46:21She's a maniac, maniac on the floor.
46:26And she's dancing.
46:28And she's dancing like she never did before.
46:33Right here on the two Johnnies dance floor.
46:35She's a maniac, maniac on the floor.
46:40Sing it!
46:41And she's dancing.
46:42And she's dancing like she never did before.
46:47Audience, we need to pace your time.
46:49She said, put your hands in the air.
46:53Side to side like you just don't care.
46:56Everybody in the house on a party night,
46:57scream up back to me.
46:59Addy, addy, addy.
47:01High, high, high.
47:02She's a maniac, maniac on the floor.
47:07And she's dancing.
47:09And she's dancing like she never did before.
47:14The Grand Fanatic.
47:16A huge thank you to everyone here in Swan's Bar tonight.
47:25And thank you to all of our guests throughout the series.
47:27And thank you at home for watching.
47:28Now for a very special performance from Dan McCabe playing Grace.
47:32We'll see you soon.
47:33Bye, bye, bye, bye.
47:35Hello, bye, bye.
47:38Hello, bye.
47:39Football?
47:40We'll see you soon.
47:42If we're scattered in the chapel here.
47:43And no, ain't not me today.
47:50And we'll think about the last few weeks.
47:53Oh, where are we saving free?
47:57I promise some days you have told us
48:01so you must earn liberty.
48:04But all I want in this terrible place
48:10Is the heart you hate with me
48:14Oh, gracious, hold me in your arms
48:21And let this moment linger
48:24You'll take me out the dark and I will die
48:31With all my love I place this wedding ring
48:39Upon your finger
48:41There won't be time to share and hold me the same
48:49Oh, gracious, hold me in your arms
48:58And let this moment linger
49:01You'll take me out the dark and I will die
49:08With all my love I place this wedding ring
49:16Upon your finger
49:18There won't be time to share and hold me the same
49:26Goodbye
49:28There won't be time to share and hold me the same
49:41Goodbye
49:42cuidt unzame
49:48I will die
49:49I will die
49:54I miss you
49:54I miss you
49:57I miss you
49:59I miss you
50:00You
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