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The 2 Johnnies Late Night Lock In
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FunTranscript
00:00Welcome to the Two Johnnies
00:29John, John, I'm getting a bit emotional to be honest
00:37Oh man, are you emotional? Are you emotional because it's the last show?
00:42No, I've just seen what we're getting paid
00:44You're getting paid?
00:47Let's move on to the show
00:49Right, well, she's good at running, jumping and throwing things
00:53And it's just a coincidence that she's from Dundalk
00:55It's Irish superstar athlete Kate O'Connor
01:01And
01:08If oversharing and drinking Prosecco were an Olympic sport
01:14Well, she'd win gold
01:15It's podcaster, comedian and self-confessed penophile
01:18Joanne McNally
01:19And
01:25Performing stand-up tonight
01:27He's a comedian who's known for introducing Tommy and his guests
01:30On the Tommy Tiernan show
01:32So it's only right we let him introduce himself
01:34Well, Johnnies
01:37Your next guest is
01:40The beautiful and highly talented
01:41Mr. Fred Coop
01:43And
01:49And
01:50Greetings, hold tight with a mic and a left hand
01:52We'll have music for Mark McCain
01:54Now
02:00It's time to find out who's in the bar
02:04We're in the bar
02:06Who's in the bar?
02:07We're in the bar
02:08Right, where is Danielle?
02:10Here
02:11In the bar
02:12OK, Danielle is in the bar
02:13Right, Stuart, come on, come with me here
02:15We'll have a look
02:16Danielle, is this you, in the white?
02:18Yes
02:18How are you?
02:19Where are you from, Danielle?
02:20I'm from Monaghan
02:21OK, you're from Monaghan
02:22Right, wait
02:23CHEERING
02:26Danielle, what's your hidden talent?
02:29I can sing with my mouth closed
02:31You can sing with your mouth closed
02:32Yeah
02:33100%
02:33Girls, you seem
02:34This is absolutely hilarious
02:35Have you ever seen her do it before?
02:37No!
02:38No?
02:39Well, we're in for an absolute treat, Danielle
02:43Take it away
02:44OK
02:46I'm going to keep on dancing at the peak, party, club
02:53I'm going to keep on dancing down and less early on
02:58I'm going to keep on dancing at the peak, party, club
03:03Peak, party, club
03:05I'm going to keep on dancing at the peak, party, club
03:06Yeah!
03:07CHEERING
03:11Give it up for Danielle, everybody
03:16CHEERING
03:19Johnny B, back to you
03:21Where's John?
03:22Lads, look who's at the bar
03:24It's only Fred Cook
03:25CHEERING
03:27Right, Fred, apart from being a class comedian
03:30You also have some hidden talents
03:32I do, I can play two melodicas at the same time
03:34Here we go
03:35OK
03:36It's better than it sounds, I promise
03:38LAUGHTER
03:39Does this come in handy?
03:40Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely
03:42Here we go, Viva La Vida
03:45CHEERING
03:46CHEERING
03:51CHEERING
03:58Are you, Stacey?
04:01Fisa
04:02LAUGHTER
04:03No, in the moment
04:04I can't be both
04:06I can't be both
04:07Give it up!
04:08CHEERING
04:09CHEERING
04:11What a man
04:14Well, John, that makes him twice as talented as us
04:18There's nothing Fred Cook can't do, right
04:20You ready to meet our first guest?
04:22CHEERING
04:24OK, who is Seamus the sheep got for us today?
04:27Is it going to be Muhammad Ali, Joanne McNally
04:30or a lad from the Donegal Rally?
04:32It'll be weird if we're just interviewing some lad
04:35It is, of course, Joanne McNally!
04:38CHEERING
04:40How are you?
04:41I'm fine!
04:42Welcome!
04:43Welcome!
04:44Hey!
04:45He just said welcome, welcome to me!
04:46To me!
04:47Welcome to the bar, how are you?
04:48I'm good, how are you?
04:49We're great, there's women on the back absolutely collapsing with the sight here
04:53It's like the Virgin Mary appearing in Knock, John
04:54It's like having Jesus in black boots
04:55Shut up!
04:56You're killing it everywhere on the circuit
04:57Your last tour holds the record for the amount of sellouts in Vicar Street
04:59Yeah
05:00You're back on the road again
05:01Yeah
05:02How's it going?
05:03It's going grand, fucked and busy
05:04Yeah
05:05This is my night off
05:06This is my night off
05:07Oh, well thank you for coming
05:08Yeah, you're welcome
05:09You're welcome
05:10Yeah, it's great
05:11The new tour is called Pinophile
05:12Yeah
05:13Right, what's the name?
05:14So there was a video going around the internet a while ago of this spinning class and
05:18You know, these videos go viral and in these online spinning classes, you need to have a name
05:41Everyone else has a name, like spinning for Gin or whatever it is
05:45There was a video, so one of the instructors saw this name come on the leaderboard and she obviously didn't like what she saw
05:50And she started going mental and she was like kick him out kick him out kick him out. We don't do that here
05:54She's one of the Americans. She's very like enthusiastic
05:57And of course I went viral and I was like, what was the name?
06:00What was the name and then it turned out the name was pedal file, which of course
06:05It's fucking genius actually
06:08What that is so funny?
06:10Ha ha ha ha and then I spoke about it somewhere and actually a woman who follows me on Instagram messaged me and she's like your
06:18spinning name should be
06:20Pinot file because I'm a very big fan of that is a large glass of wine
06:30So she said you should be your spinning age be Pinot file I said no no that's too good a name for a spinning name
06:35It's about to show name it was Pinot file or Pinot psycho and I went with Pinot file
06:39And were you always born to perform even like as a youngster I was always a bit of a thirsty bitch as a kid
06:45I was yeah, like I was in drama and I wanted to be in the Billy Barry's and all
06:49You know, I was that way. I did a lot of spoken words and thank god. I got that out of my system
06:54And I did a lot of acting like skill plays and all I was in a convent school is an all-girls school
07:00Okay, so any of the plays I'm sure it's the same here. You have to play all the boy parts. Yeah, and I have a bit of height in me
07:06Yeah, I've a bit of a build. Yeah, so I was always even growing up. I was the daddy. Yeah
07:12Do you know what I mean?
07:14Probably the problem now to this day
07:16but
07:18I'm the top
07:20basically
07:22So there's a musical
07:24There's a musical
07:26What musical is it?
07:28I was Rob the telegram boy, but I wanted to be Liesl so there was always that kind of like do you know what I mean?
07:34No, what teacher had to break it to you. You can't be Liesl. You'll have to be the Nazi
07:38She said she was like we can't have Liesl taller than her father
07:43I always wanted to perform and then but then my family just weren't really that into it and they were like
07:47You'll just starve to death now and we believed I could do it
07:49And then anyway, I ended up getting into it by accident and I'm thrilled now
07:52On stage and in the podcast you talk a lot about dating in relationships. I do but like you're so busy. Do you even have time to date?
07:58No, no
08:00And I don't know if they'll leave this in
08:02They'll leave it in
08:04Like so I think the jobs a bit of a cop block men are like they're not that into it, right?
08:08I've learned that yes
08:11You know
08:13I learned that early on
08:14No one's looking at my show being like I want to take her like it's just people are like why she's so angry, you know
08:20It's more like so the other week last week in york
08:23There was a man playing with himself up in the stalls of the show. I know I was thrilled. Yeah
08:31I was absolutely delighted. I was like shut up
08:36Was he hot? Was he wearing a ring? What was the crack?
08:39Because that just never happened, but he was like having it now
08:43I was fed I didn't know how in tech he was having a little go of himself. I'd say he wasn't having a fall
08:49Right, you know what I mean? It wasn't full of pepper shit
08:51No, it was like
08:55Yeah
08:56It was it was a little sprinkling when you say a little sprinkling of sort
08:59A fondle
09:00A fondle
09:01It's like he was playing three blind mice on himself
09:04Because then I didn't know anyway, I saw the footage of it and it was quite innocent in the end
09:09Okay, it wasn't the compliment I thought it was
09:11Yeah, but when he was removed you just went and I was like that's not that hot you should have fought for me
09:16Do you know what I mean?
09:18I want to stay and finish
09:20Because it's still hot, I just left
09:22So that's the closest thing I've had
09:24What kind of commitment is that? I think I'm seeing him now
09:27I think we're gonna date
09:28But if you're so busy and you go on a date
09:31How do you like quickly tell right there could be a second date here or this is a hard no
09:35I for myself am big into personality which is a huge insult I know to everyone I've ever gone out with
09:42It is but that's the truth
09:43It's always personality first and look second
09:45And then at the start it's so funny like the mind is so funny because at the start you're like god
09:49I wouldn't find them attractive at all
09:50And then a couple of minutes in you're like you think the most beautiful person
09:53In the world
09:55I'm tearing up
09:56You hardly have like you're too famous for date naps and all that are you?
09:59You know I'm on all the date
10:03Don't say I know
10:07Don't try to shame me
10:09Yeah, I'm like on LinkedIn and all
10:13So like the guy didn't message me he was like just see you now someone's using your
10:17Someone's using your palace on hinge and I was like thank you so much
10:23You're letting me now
10:28I'll report it so I was like it was obviously me
10:31Yeah
10:32Were you on the celebrity dating app that Rhea?
10:34Yeah it's bad it's terrible
10:36So bad
10:38Firstly as well like
10:40Like not to be hard on myself but how can I I can't compete with
10:43Fucking I don't know Cindy Crawford
10:48Well I don't know she's on it but you have these really high-end
10:50Also do you know what I did I set my Rhea because I was fascinated and obviously every woman has that one moment in their 40s and
10:56They're like maybe I'm gay and it lasted like 24 hours
10:59So I set my Rhea to women because I was like I want to see and then I
11:02I kept it at women and the women the standard of the women on it
11:05You're like ah what's the point they're like Victoria's secret models and all
11:07I'm better off on hinge I'm a hinge girl
11:09Yeah okay
11:10Yeah I'm a hinge girl
11:11Wait so you said Rhea that's the celebrity one
11:13Yeah
11:13Date nap did I hear you got kicked off that
11:16Well
11:19But so they get really weird about the privacy on Rhea
11:22It's like it's not AA
11:23Who cares
11:24Do you know what I mean
11:25You're allowed to date
11:26Yeah you're allowed to date
11:27Like it's not the illuminati
11:29Like
11:29What what
11:30But so if you screen grab anything you you get there's like
11:34And of course that's how you know you shouldn't be on a celebrity date nap because I was just on there
11:37Screen grabbing everyone and sending it to the girls
11:41I was like oh my god look who's on it blah blah blah
11:43And so then eventually they took the account if you you get three screen grabs and then you get your
11:47They shut your account down but it's not forever they let you back on they don't care
11:51It's like it's Lewis Hamilton like who cares
11:55He's always on it he's always on it and I'm on it too and I'm like look at Lewis what a loser he's still on it
12:01But I'm like
12:02Joanne you're also on it and Lewis wants no part nothing to do with you
12:05Has Morgan ever tried to stitch up any posh lads right yeah but they're not for me no and I'm not for them
12:12And that's okay
12:13That's okay
12:14Yeah her because because it's well like folks normal posh and but then Spencer's like extra extraterrestrial posh
12:22English posh
12:23Yeah, he's like gentry posh on him so his friends like now you know yourself there's just like that nap
12:29It's just like straight away like and then I get embarrassed
12:32I'm like don't because they're not going to be and he's like no no they will they will and then bogus like don't show them our insta
12:39It's like they won't fancy if they see your insta but no I can't be dealing with the pop
12:42English it's different. It's a different level. Yeah, so more likely you think you'd end up with an Irish lad. Oh, I'd say so
12:48Yeah, if I don't keep doing interviews like this
12:52Ruining it for myself. Yeah
12:54Your peak of romance though was probably in primary school was it when you were a child?
13:00Oh, I know what you're talking about
13:01We've been listening to your pod. Yeah, we've heard the stories
13:03Well, I am and was boy mad have been all my life right
13:07But now I have a bit more chill but when I was a kid I'd know chill but we used to play kiss chase
13:11Which I don't know if you can play now
13:13It's probably a consent issue for kids
13:15Yeah, yeah, but we were violently gamey as kids
13:24That's the worst thing I said
13:29We were I was a little horndog like I remember my mom
13:35I remember asking my mom once what I was like as a child and she was like you were very flirtatious
13:39Yeah, so with men and women which I was like that's you're kind of slut shaming me as a boy baby
13:45But I think what he had the kid I was out there was a last oh, oh wonder where he is name
13:52Mad bad, but we were playing kiss chase and I guess kiss chase is kind of a flirty game
13:57But sometimes they really run like they really run
14:00You have to take the note then that they're maybe not into it. Yeah, I don't even know if he was playing you might just been running
14:08And I just mentally turned it into a game of seduction
14:11It was like I found her I'm like it. I'm like he wants it really he just doesn't know
14:15Anyway, so I rent off and he had a hood and he I so I got him there
14:20And I can reefed him and the tears went flying and the jacket ripped and I had a huge big um
14:26Bruise all over my chin for my holy communion on it's like gamer
14:32Baller gangsta man don't hate the player hate the game
14:34Exactly
14:34Yeah, you also moved to london recently
14:37You moved into your new apartment and judging by your social posts
14:40You've got some fairly random art pieces. I mean what what mad stuff have you bought for the gaff
14:44You say random. I say well thought out strategic and artful taste
14:48Are you talking about the ass vases?
14:52You've got pressed vases?
14:53No, um, depressed vases
14:55Oh
14:58You can tell
14:59Johnny
15:01Focus please
15:02It's london
15:05This is what we're on about
15:05Oh yeah
15:06Depressed vases
15:08I know you just want to stick a little prozac in his mouth
15:11Isn't he cool though?
15:12It is kind of cool
15:13I didn't realize I have a bit of um because I didn't I didn't have my own plates until I was 40
15:17So I didn't understand my taste because I've never had the opportunity to
15:21Express us. Yes turns out. It's very whimsical and kind of Alice in Thunderland vibes
15:28Like huge I just I like giant well firstly I can't measure anything
15:31So I end up accidentally ordering giant pieces of furniture that I thought were normal sized pieces of furniture
15:35But then when they arrive I'm like it's actually looks great
15:37So I'm like a borrower in the house you might remember that you're quite young
15:40It's quite a big lamp
15:41There you go look at that big lamp
15:44Now I well I'm not going to say I thought it was a table lamp I didn't
15:49But I definitely didn't think it was that size
15:52Yeah
15:53I need to I need to put a pressizer on my laptop
15:55I'm just drunk shopping at night and this all this mad shit's arriving into the house
15:59But like that's cool isn't it
16:00That is kind of cool
16:01I think it's deadly
16:02It's a little bit like a JCB
16:04Yeah
16:06Yeah
16:12Now Joanne is still performing Pinot File
16:15You can go out to see it you can get more info at joannmcnally.com
16:18Get the tickets and that right Joanne
16:21Now usually we play a game at Dub or Kulshi
16:22But seeing as you're on tonight and you're a big star
16:24We're going all out and we're replacing Dub and Kulshi
16:26Because we are heading live to Coogee beach in Sydney for a game of Irish or Aussie
16:34That camera is live in Sydney where it is currently about 6am tomorrow
16:39Oh to the future we have time travel on this show
16:41Yeah so just by looking at somebody we have to guess are they Irish or are they Australian
16:45You play along with us?
16:46Okay the big fingers up
16:47The fingers
16:48Okay
16:49Can we get the two girls on the right?
16:50Two girls drinking coffee let's spin around
16:53Oh
16:55Don't say anything but nod your head if you're up for playing a game on telly
17:00Are you up for playing a game?
17:01She is okay
17:02Joanne Irish or Australian?
17:03Oh it's like definitely Irish and if not if she's not oh she she's descendant
17:09Like it's in her she's in her DNA it's in her blood she's 100% Irish
17:13What do you reckon Fred Kate what do you think?
17:15Irish 100%
17:16I shetted her last week
17:22I reckon that's a nurse's uniform I think
17:24Yeah
17:25So I'm going to say
17:27Yeah can we see the shoes?
17:28Well hold on which one are we looking at?
17:30Are we looking at them about?
17:31I can get a butt Irish can we see the shoes there we go
17:34Oh they're nurse shoes respectable shoes
17:36That's what do we think?
17:39Yeah
17:40Girls what are your names and where are you from?
17:42Chloe and Chloe
17:45Where are you from Chloe and Chloe?
17:47Leash and Wexford
17:52Leash and Wexford
17:54All right cameraman let's turn around let's get down them steps thanks girls
17:56The finger is almost dislocated
17:59It's got injured on the way to Australia
18:02What big white socks oh yeah oh yeah here we go it's got a moustache
18:08All right you sir don't say it and just nod your head
18:10If you're up for playing a game on telly
18:13All right okay
18:14Johan what do you think Irish or Aussie?
18:16This is a harder call
18:17If he is Irish he's been there for a while
18:19Yeah he's adapting with the moustache and stuff
18:21Yeah he's yeah
18:22He's a transitioning Australian
18:23He's getting stuck in yeah
18:25I'm gonna say Irish with notions
18:27Irish with notions
18:28Yeah are they drinking uh what do you got a cold brew coffee there John is it
18:31Oh they've changed if they are Irish
18:35Fred what do you think?
18:36Oh definitely Irish yeah he's an engineer
18:38And you can see why is it?
18:39An Irish engineer's his friend
18:40Tell you what lads say it not because we'll find out after the break
18:43Oh yeah
18:45Oh yeah, oh yeah.
18:47Living in love and just my love.
18:51And you can't live in the world, yeah.
18:56No matter where you are.
19:00You're my guiding star.
19:04Hold me in your arms.
19:08Don't let me go.
19:10I want to stay forever.
19:14Closer we stay
19:17Home and away
19:24Welcome back to Johnny's late night locking
19:26Now before the break we had our camera out in the streets of Sydney
19:29We want to know if this person is Irish or an Aussie
19:32Right lads, what do we think?
19:34Aussie!
19:36Aussie!
19:38Cool.
19:39OK, let's find out
19:40OK lads, let's find out
19:42What's your name and where are you from?
19:44My name's Nathan, I'm from Cor
19:50Put your hands together, a big thank you to everyone in Sydney
19:56We'll be heading back to Sydney later
19:58But now it is time for some brilliant stand up
20:00Everybody put your hands together and go mental
20:02It's Fred Club
20:12But she came to my shoulders
20:14Just live upon my day
20:18Ah!
20:19Hello to Johnny's locking, are we well?
20:23Ah, you've been so clever, but you know what?
20:25Sure, people try to cancel me because I made fun of people from Louth
20:28Saying that they're not able to use their tongues
20:30They're like, how are you? How are you doing? Jesus, eh?
20:33That's what you sound like, that's not even racist
20:36Are you from Louth, are you?
20:38Yeah, like this is a birthday party in your house
20:40Happy boy, hey, hey, hey
20:43Happy boy, hey, hey, hey
20:46Happy boy, hey
20:47God love you, like your name's probably like Jacinta or something like that
20:50Happy boy, hey, hey, hey, hey
20:55Hello
20:56That's just the way it is, isn't it?
20:58Yeah
21:01You see, I'm allowed to make fun of people from Louth
21:03Because I grew up in Kells County Meath
21:05It's a neighbouring county
21:06Yeah, there you go
21:07He's like me again, right?
21:08No, if anyone, you girls know Kells
21:11If anyone doesn't know where Kells is
21:12I was trying to explain it last week to American people
21:14And what I wanted to say is
21:15I grew up in the east of Ireland
21:17But also to the middle of Ireland
21:18But I was hammered
21:19And I looked at them and went
21:20Oh, I grew up in the Middle East
21:22They were looking at me going
21:29Oh my God, you're so brave
21:31I was like, you've no idea at the moment
21:32Oh my God
21:33It's very tough
21:35Isn't it?
21:36So I'm allowed to
21:37You know, I love people from R.D.
21:39That's my next town, you know
21:40I went to school with a guy
21:41A secondary school
21:42With a guy from R.D.
21:43And he couldn't use his tongue either
21:44How are you doing?
21:45They're leaving for Jesus
21:47And how cruel is this?
21:49I did Mary Poppins with him in second year
21:51And the music teacher made him
21:53Sing supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
21:59Every night
22:00Oh, you're so lovely, thank you so much
22:09And, you know, you need to be careful as well
22:10This is so lovely, such a packed room
22:11Like when I was starting off
22:12I thought my agent would get rid of me
22:13Because there was no one coming to my gigs
22:14It was terrible
22:15Do you know, I remember I had a show in Edinburgh
22:16The Edinburgh Comedy Festival at 3 o'clock
22:17And I had a meeting with him later on that day at 7 o'clock, right?
22:26This is true
22:27And that day at 3 o'clock, one person came to my gig for the hour
22:28One person
22:29Now, thankfully ladies and gentlemen
22:30That one person was non-binary
22:31Oh, thank God
22:32So when my agent asked me how was the gig
22:33I was like, oh, they really enjoyed it
22:34Oh, oh, I mean
22:51So when my agent asked me how was the gig
22:52I was like, oh, they really enjoyed it
22:57Oh, oh, oh, yeah
23:01They couldn't stop laughing, the whole lot of them now, it was great.
23:09My agent was shocked and surprised, he goes, God, well done, Fred.
23:12And then he goes, well, Fred, what was the gender ratio?
23:15I was like, ah, 50-50, you know yourself.
23:20So, you know, like, you have to laugh, it's good for the mental health and physical health as well, isn't it?
23:25You know, I'm trying to lose weight myself and, oh, those dreaded spinning classes, I hate them.
23:29I hate spinning classes, they're too much.
23:32And you know the age group have your spinning class, don't you, by the music that's coming out of the speakers.
23:36Like, here's an idea of my spinning class at the moment, right?
23:39Your man's up the front, he's like, okay, we're going to do a hill climb.
23:42Put your resistance up and everything that it is, here we go.
23:45One, two, three, four.
23:46Sweet Caroline.
23:50Exactly, yeah.
23:52They're not even spinning, they're just looking back and going, whoa.
23:57They think it's a nightclub.
23:59And then the last five minutes, your man's like, okay, well done now, take your resistance off, guys.
24:07You've done all the hard work, well done.
24:08Hello, darkness, my old friend.
24:12It's depressing, isn't it?
24:15Don't worry, guys, as a comedian, you're in safe hands with me, I'm very woke.
24:19Unbelievable.
24:20Unbelievable.
24:21Like, even when it comes to the old LGBTQTA, I've got a best friend for every letter.
24:25I've got a best friend for every, like, lesbian, that's my friend, Yvonne.
24:31Like, G, that's my friend, Brian.
24:33Like, T-trans, that's my friend, Yvonne, again.
24:35She's great, she covers a load of letters for me, actually.
24:39God, she's on the real that one, she's great.
24:43She doesn't cover asexually at the end, people who don't want to have sex.
24:46But my wife sorts that one out, so it's fine.
24:58No, no, my wife is very supportive.
25:00You might notice with me now, like, I don't play full songs on the guitar, don't I not?
25:03I just do, like, seven seconds of well-known songs.
25:06Do you know why I don't play full songs on the guitar?
25:08Because I can't afford the music rights.
25:10It's crap.
25:11Do you know, to make a living in stand-up, I can't play full songs.
25:13Like, I'll be looking at you, hey, you're a really pretty woman.
25:17That's all you're getting there.
25:28I'll be looking at the lady with the Irish top, oh, I love your brown eyes.
25:31Fair play to you, leave it there, thank you.
25:35Thank you so much, legend.
25:43And make sure for upcoming tour dates for Fred, check out fredcookcomedian.com.
25:56A massive round of applause, one more time, for Fred Cook.
25:58Yes!
26:01Now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the greatest quiz of all time.
26:07It's the Parish Quiz!
26:12Well done, Adam.
26:14Every week, we invite two people to test their local knowledge.
26:17They represent their parish in the Parish Quiz.
26:19And our first parish is Mitchelstown in County Cork,
26:22and representing them as Eoin Lynch.
26:23Eoin, how are you getting on?
26:24Good night, how's it for that?
26:25Oh, sure, unbelievable, lad.
26:26Now, people might recognise you.
26:28If anybody's thinking, I know that lad from somewhere,
26:32why would they know you?
26:33I just love slurry, like...
26:34You just love slurry, you are, you are the slurry king.
26:38Ah, yeah, I'd like to think so, yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:40So, you went firing at the, at the Ploughman.
26:42Ah, yeah.
26:43A video of you declaring your undying love for slurry.
26:45Well, I suppose, thinking and sleeping about it is enough for me.
26:49And what is it about slurry that you love so much?
26:51Ah, the smell of it, I suppose.
26:54You want it next door, don't like it, though, but I like it.
26:57And what's the crackdown of Mitchelton, what are you at yourself?
26:59Bit of contracting, yeah, yeah.
27:00What kind of work does the contracting involve now?
27:02Well, slurry like it.
27:04Rooting and tearing.
27:07Rooting and tearing, yeah, yeah.
27:08Ah, sure, bit of silage and hedge cutting and everything, you name it.
27:11There's nothing you won't do.
27:12Ah, well, well, if we can't do it, we won't be done, like...
27:15Lads, give it up for Owen from Mitchelstown.
27:23Now, ladies and gents, our second parish from the county of Tipperary
27:27is our hometown of Caire, and who are representing us is Jake Coyney.
27:34How are you, Jake?
27:35Too bad, no, not too bad.
27:36Well, Jake, how are you getting on, man?
27:38Right.
27:38Jesus Christ.
27:39Well, how's you wrecked?
27:42A fair long way up, mate.
27:43I used to want it.
27:45We're up here every week, man, come on.
27:47Yeah, you could stay home, we'd see each other as well, like...
27:50Well, eh, it's great to have you on.
27:53We know you your whole life, eh, through the GEA mostly.
27:56Eh, so, outside of playing the Gat, you are an electrician.
27:58Yeah.
27:59How's that going?
28:00Is the boom back?
28:00The boom is back, lads.
28:03Trying to get...
28:04Trying to get fucking young fellas as they are.
28:08So, you recently did a couple jobs for Smacks.
28:11Oh, that light.
28:14So, Jake did a job for Smacks on a Sunday morning.
28:17Yeah.
28:18Jake, how did it turn out?
28:19It looks lovely now, I think.
28:20OK.
28:21Good, well, lads, we have a photograph of Jake's light.
28:24Show it here.
28:26Yeah.
28:27Yeah.
28:28Yeah.
28:29Yeah.
28:30Yeah.
28:31Yeah.
28:32Not your proudest moment, Jake, I guess, though.
28:35There's a couple of four days a year, I'll do it.
28:37I'll do it.
28:38Oh, OK.
28:39Oh, OK.
28:40Well, you ready for the Paris quiz?
28:41Yeah, sure, I'll go at it.
28:42Right, here it is.
28:43Mitchestown versus Cares.
28:44Time to play the Paris quiz.
28:45We're starting off with you, Owen, in Mitchestown.
28:46Here's your question.
28:47Well, Owen, I have a question for you now.
28:49Oh, yeah.
28:50Well, Owen, I have a question for you now.
28:54I'm down here at the bottom of St. Fennahan's Well, a lovely walk down along.
28:59I have Fiennes Fields on my left.
29:02I have JJ's Fields and his lovely farm away over to my right.
29:06Now, can you tell me whose fields are between JJ's and the well?
29:11And that bollocks beside me.
29:16I hope he didn't tell you on the way up now.
29:19I tried to get her out of him now.
29:20It was hard.
29:21And she was like,
29:22Well, whose fields are they?
29:23Well, you have him, Fiennes bounding him.
29:26And you have this man's field bounding the other side.
29:29They're deaf garments.
29:32I'm going to have to push you, whose field is it?
29:35I'd go with Danny Whelan.
29:37Okay, Don Whelan, you're saying.
29:39Let's find out if you're right.
29:40And now he's bringing in his cows.
29:45The answer, of course, is Don Whelan.
29:48Don Whelan.
29:55You're up and running, you're up and running.
29:57Okay.
29:58Right, Jake, you ready?
29:59Throw it at me.
30:02Let's go to Caire for your question.
30:05Now, lads.
30:06There's two points on my ready for you.
30:07And I have a question for Jake from the Shamrock.
30:09Jake, we have traditional Caire cultures and friends playing in the Shamrock.
30:13And what night of the week do they play?
30:15On what night of the week is the trad in the Shamrock?
30:19She couldn't miss that, like.
30:20What?
30:21Friday.
30:22Friday nights?
30:23Yeah.
30:24Have you been in?
30:25I wouldn't dare for the trad now to.
30:27It's probably in a pair of sneakers, mate.
30:30But you've been in there?
30:32Yeah, go Friday.
30:33Friday night.
30:34Okay, let's go back to Hughie and Margaret in the Shamrock Lounge and find out.
30:37Hi, Jake.
30:38Welcome back to the Shamrock.
30:40Caire, Clotas and friends, they play every Friday night.
30:44I'm coming back.
30:45The best pint of my wedding in February.
30:46Okay, question number two on.
30:47Here we go.
30:48We're heading back to Mitchelstown.
30:49Hello, Tom here again in the Famrock Hotel here in Mitchelstown, where we do Calvary Monday
30:50to Sunday.
30:51It varies.
30:52Roast beef, roast lamb, turkey and ham.
30:55You name it.
30:56Could you answer me one question on?
30:58How much is a Calvary dinner on a Sunday?
30:59How much is a Calvary dinner on a Sunday?
31:05You're surely a fan of Calvary, dad?
31:06All that contract will work.
31:07Oh, well, I've spent the night inside there all right now.
31:08How much is a Calvary on a Sunday?
31:09Oh, God.
31:10I wouldn't eat the whole lot of it now, so...
31:11I don't think you pay by the spoon.
31:12You pay by the fork, though.
31:13It's not even.
31:14Go on, go on.
31:1521 euro.
31:1621, you're said.
31:17Let's find out if you're right.
31:19How much is a Calvary dinner on a Sunday?
31:21How much is a Calvary dinner on a Sunday?
31:23You're surely a fan of Calvary, dad?
31:24All that contract will work.
31:25Oh, well, I've spent the night inside there all right now.
31:27How much is a Calvary on a Sunday?
31:29Oh, God.
31:30I wouldn't eat the whole lot of it now, so...
31:32I don't think you pay by the spoon.
31:35You pay by the fork, though.
31:36It's not even.
31:37Go on, go on.
31:3821 euro.
31:3921, you're said.
31:40Let's find out if you're right.
31:41Hi, y'all.
31:42I've got your beef dinner there, and the price of that will be 20 euro.
31:45Oh!
31:4620.
31:4720.
31:48It's dearer, right, lads?
31:49It's good stuff.
31:50It's good stuff.
31:51It's good stuff, right?
31:52Jake, you ready?
31:53It's to go up now, so...
31:54Let's go to the Premier County for our next question.
31:59Hi, Jake.
32:00Andy here.
32:01With your McCool's two hounds.
32:03But last Thursday evening, this hound here, Pepe,
32:08had a big birthday party in Palmuca.
32:09Your father was there with many others.
32:10He had a cheesecake.
32:11The lads had a sponge cake.
32:12But what age was Pepe?
32:13Okay, the question is...
32:14Hold on, hold on now.
32:15The question is, what age was Pepe the dog last week?
32:16Well, I wasn't invited.
32:17That was...
32:18I didn't even get to collect the feather then.
32:19Uh, that dog's fair old.
32:2616.
32:27That's a fair age.
32:28Let's go back to Andy and find out if you're right.
32:29Hi, Jake, I hope you got it right or you'll be in trouble the next evening.
32:34That dog's fair old.
32:3816.
32:40That's a fair age. Let's go back to Andy and find out if you're right.
32:43Aye, Jake, I hope you got it right or you'll be in trouble the next evening.
32:47But Mr Pepe celebrated his 16th birthday.
32:55Which means commiserations to Lynchy the Ferry King.
33:00Congratulations to Jake Hiley from Canada!
33:04Now, prize time, Jake.
33:10We have two envelopes here. In one of those envelopes is an all-expenses-paid trip to Las Vegas!
33:18It hasn't went all series, Jake. It hasn't went all series.
33:20Tonight's the last night. It could go.
33:22And in the other envelope is two free pints of my wadi from the Shamrock Lounge.
33:28So which envelope are you going to go for, Jake?
33:34I hope you make decisions quicker when you're at work.
33:38Yeah, we're electricians. Very fucking...
33:40Go on. I go left.
33:42My left or your left?
33:43Oh, no.
33:46Your left.
33:47My left, okay.
33:48You were double checking there, John.
33:50Right, Jake Hiley. Open up that.
33:52And let the people know here and at home.
33:54What have you. What have you.
33:56Show the people what you want.
33:58Boo!
33:59Yay!
34:08Lastly, Las Vegas lives another day.
34:12Okay, let's give it up for Owen and Jake, our parish Christian desk.
34:15Now, still to come, we will be chatting to Kate O'Connor.
34:21We'll also have music from Mark McKay and Mimi.
34:23And we'll have loads more madness to join us after a break.
34:25Right, Mark, give us an old banger there, will you?
34:27Go on, Mark!
34:28Go on, Mark!
34:29Go on, Mark!
34:34Do you think you're better off?
34:45Free from desire.
34:47Mind and sense is purified.
34:49Free from desire.
34:51Mind and sense is purified.
34:53Free from desire.
34:55My sense is purified.
34:57Free from desire.
34:59ương time not at the time.
35:000,5%
35:01No,no,no,no,no.
35:02Non,no,no.
35:03Non,na,no,no,na,no.
35:04No,no,no,no...
35:06Na,no,na,no...
35:07No,no,no.
35:08...no,no,no,no...
35:09...no,no,no,no!
35:10Na,no,no,na,no,no.
35:11Na,no,no...
35:12...no,no,no,no,no,no.
35:13na,na...
35:14Hello and welcome back to Johnny's late night lock-in. Now lads, it is our last show, so there's just something we'd like to say.
35:31Yeah, like many Premier League footballers, musicians and comedians, we've had a big offer to play somewhere with a dubious history and questionable morals.
35:40But we are not prepared to abandon our principles.
35:42So we've cancelled our gig.
35:44In Offaly!
35:48To choose our next guest, let's cross to Seamus the Sheep.
35:52Who's it gonna be?
35:53Right, who's it gonna be?
35:54Is it gonna be Kate O'Connor, Paki Bonner or Armée Conner, which will be an awkward one.
36:00Come on Seamus, who's it gonna be?
36:02It is of course, Kate O'Connor!
36:05Come on Seamus, how are ya?
36:07How are ya?
36:09Good!
36:11Oh!
36:13Good morning!
36:15Welcome to the board, how are you?
36:21So long, so long!
36:23Kate, how are you?
36:25I'm good, I almost fell down that step there.
36:27Can we ask, you got the medals? I did.
36:29Thanks for bringing them in.
36:31No, thank you for having me as well.
36:33Can I look at them? Yeah, of course you can.
36:35Sorry, Emily. Oh, jeez, some weight in there.
36:37They're heavy enough, aren't they?
36:39This is the closest I'll ever get to
36:41a track medal.
36:43I ran home from the pub last again, that was...
36:47To be honest, I probably should have got a medal for that.
36:49I can't look back on it.
36:51Unreal, they're class.
36:53So take us through what medals they are.
36:55So that's my first one that I got this year,
36:57so that's the European bronze medal.
36:59Probably like the one that I had to fight for the most.
37:01That was a tough one to get.
37:03So you got all these medals in one year, pretty much.
37:05It's in the new one.
37:07So for people living under a rock who don't know,
37:15a heptathlon is 100m hurdles, high jump, long jump,
37:19800m run, shot put, javelin, 200m run.
37:23Correct. Yes, I'm tired of just naming them out.
37:25Did you have a favourite?
37:27I would always say the high jump and the javelin are my two favourite.
37:31Because hurdle-wise, you start and you're on the line,
37:33and I'm shitting myself for the hurdles.
37:35Because as awful as it sounds,
37:37there's like 10 barriers in the way, 10 chances to fall.
37:39So once I get... You fell coming down the stairs.
37:41I know, exactly. So I'm liable to fall over.
37:43So it's all about getting through the first event.
37:45It's all about getting through the first event.
37:47As well as Tanya.
37:48We should have bought Herbie,
37:49you'd have been walking straight all over.
37:50Brilliant.
37:51Give me a set of blocks.
37:52And then you got the silver medal.
37:54This is in Tokyo where you broke the Irish record.
37:56I did, yeah. So that's this one here.
37:58Cool.
38:00I mean, we have a picture of you here winning your medal.
38:06At least all of us do that.
38:08I know, it's the cool thing to do.
38:09It's class, I think it's class, yeah.
38:10Yeah, it is the cool thing to do.
38:11I did that to community games.
38:12I came sixth.
38:13It took someone else's medal.
38:14Yeah, yeah.
38:15I came sixth.
38:16I don't even give out medals.
38:17I mean, me mother got me one.
38:18It was made of chocolate.
38:20But like you said, seven events, okay, over two days.
38:23But how do you train for an event like that?
38:26Oh, God, it's tough.
38:28My dad does a lot of the planning for my sessions.
38:30It's like a full nine-to-five job.
38:32Right.
38:33I'm in, I'm on the track for a couple of hours,
38:35then go from the track up to the gym, then gym, physio,
38:38and then it never really ends, actually, to be honest.
38:40You come home and then you're trying to recover
38:42for the next day of training as well.
38:44So like our only time off is our off-season,
38:46which is like this time.
38:48Yeah, that's why I've got a glass of wine beside me.
38:50Well deserved, that.
38:52But yeah, it's a full nine-to-five, yeah.
38:54So a lot of people you're competing against are professional
38:57full-time athletes.
38:58And while you were doing all this,
38:59you were still studying in college.
39:00I was.
39:01I literally just submitted.
39:02I actually just got my dissertation results.
39:04Like last week, I was on holidays in Turkey.
39:07And I got my dissertation results.
39:08And I passed.
39:09Yay!
39:10So I'm a master.
39:14I'm a master, yeah.
39:16What are you studying?
39:17Communications and PR.
39:19Joanne, did you do that?
39:20I heard!
39:21I heard!
39:22I heard!
39:23I heard!
39:24Oh my God, what?
39:25Yeah, we're twins!
39:26Stop!
39:27And it's working.
39:28Do you not see nothing at that time?
39:31I think you've kind of excelled past.
39:33So when you're not in the track,
39:36do you wrap yourself in cotton wool?
39:38Like the fear of getting injured must be massive.
39:39Is it for athletes?
39:40Oh yeah, completely.
39:41Like I would love to do something like skiing or something.
39:43My boyfriend's obsessed with that idea as well.
39:45But neither can do it because of our sports.
39:48Yeah.
39:49He's worried now, he's like skiing.
39:50Yeah, I know.
39:51He's like, no.
39:52Plus, you know, skiing didn't load.
39:54Oh no, it's a dream holiday.
39:59Yeah.
40:00We know as well that your dad is your manager.
40:03And we know he's absolutely brilliant.
40:08He looks after you.
40:09What's his background?
40:10Like, was he a professional athlete himself?
40:12Nope.
40:13We just learned the sport together.
40:14Yeah, we just learned every single event.
40:17What did he work at before he was coaching you?
40:19He was a quantity surveyor.
40:20A quantity surveyor?
40:21Yeah.
40:22He was on the sites.
40:23And now he's a primary school teacher.
40:24Wow.
40:25And he's coaching you in the heptathlon?
40:27Yes, he is.
40:28Right.
40:29Did he just Google it?
40:30Yeah.
40:31YouTube.
40:32Still watching YouTube.
40:33He can add class manager to CB as well, in fairness to him.
40:36Joanne, are we into sports?
40:38Well, no.
40:41I used to always say I cycled menstrually and that's all I ever thought.
40:47So, what is your record in the long jump?
40:596.32.
41:006 metres.
41:010.32.
41:02Right.
41:03Well, the reason we're asking that is because earlier, myself and Max gave it a go.
41:08We didn't know what was a good length but what was a bad length.
41:13We've got a video here of Johnny trying to...
41:15Do you want to see it?
41:16Yeah.
41:17Here we go.
41:18No, I just want to say I am carrying quad injury, grinds a bit tight.
41:27I didn't have the right runners several things.
41:31Right, okay.
41:32Would you do the honors?
41:33Do you want me to stand up?
41:34Yeah, here we go.
41:35You can reveal that...
41:36Where you are there?
41:37Smacks got 1.7.
41:38I'll take that.
41:39Pretty good.
41:40It looks better measured out than it does on the video.
41:42Let's have a look and see how Johnny B got on.
41:44Oh, wow.
41:45He was cheating, he had really good runners on.
41:47What did you get John?
41:48I did slightly better, I got 2.2.
41:55What did you say you got again?
41:566.32.
41:57Okay, we'll just want to explain that to people if we can.
42:11You jumped.
42:13So there's four.
42:16It's five meters, 6.32 here.
42:30Kate, how?
42:32A lot of training, I don't know, probably a lot of delusion.
42:35Just hit the board, jump as far as you can.
42:37I wouldn't go as far on me holidays.
42:41You stop shouting, I'll come back to you.
42:43Mind your fingers, don't mind your fingers.
42:46He's a farmer apprentice, look at that.
42:52The housewives are going to love that.
42:54All that's going to have to go, it's going to cost you big.
42:56Kate, when you're competing, you always put in maximum effort
42:59and the cameras are always there to capture every bit of it.
43:01So we have a series of pictures which show you at your absolute peak,
43:05so we thought we'd play a game.
43:06Are you up for this?
43:07Yeah.
43:08OK, it's called Game Face, where you have to tell us
43:11which event you are participating in,
43:13just going from your facial expressions.
43:15Let's have a look at your first picture.
43:19It has to be long jump,
43:20because I always put the worst faces to a long jump, surely.
43:23You reckon it's long jump?
43:24If I do that in any other event, that's really embarrassing.
43:26OK.
43:27Let's find out if it is long jump.
43:29Let's have a look at another photo, Kate, now.
43:41I know it instantly as well.
43:42Could have been a really big curry.
43:47What do you reckon, Kate?
43:49It has to be the shot put.
43:50The shot put?
43:51It has to be.
43:52This is me trying to do maths.
43:53Half.
43:54Half.
43:55Right, let's find out if it is the shot put.
43:56It is.
43:57Yay!
44:02Let's have one more.
44:03Let's have a look.
44:04OK.
44:05I know it again.
44:06It's a long jump.
44:07It has to be, like...
44:08OK, let's have a look.
44:09Is it the long jump?
44:10It has to be.
44:11It is you long jumping over the lift.
44:13It's that impressive.
44:14What's next for Kate O'Connor?
44:15Are we looking for gold in L.A. at the next Olympics?
44:16I'm looking to keep progressing.
44:17I would love to get a medal at L.A.
44:18and obviously I'd love it to be a gold.
44:19So, yeah, I'm going to work towards that.
44:20We're all behind you now, lads.
44:21We're going to do it.
44:22All right, let's head back to Australia, lads.
44:23Let's have another game of Irish or Aussie.
44:24Let's head back to Coogee Beach in Sydney.
44:25Oh!
44:26Oh!
44:27Oh!
44:28Oh!
44:29Oh!
44:30Oh!
44:31Oh!
44:32Oh!
44:33Oh!
44:34Oh!
44:35Oh!
44:36Oh!
44:37Oh!
44:38Oh!
44:39Oh!
44:40Oh!
44:41Oh!
44:42Oh!
44:43Oh!
44:44Oh!
44:45It feels like home in a way, doesn't it?
44:46Doesn't it?
44:47Even just buzzing.
44:48Okay.
44:49Right, so just by looking at somebody with...
44:50Who's this lad?
44:51Are the Irish or the Australian?
44:52This lad looks so scared.
44:54Get in on him.
44:55Get in on him.
44:56Oh!
44:57He's got budgie...
44:58Okay.
44:59Don't say anything, man.
45:00You're live on television.
45:01Nod your head if you're up for playing a game.
45:03I think he's got a big Irish head in him, but he's Australian from the neck down.
45:07If that's at all possible.
45:09Joanne, what do you reckon?
45:10If that's at all possible.
45:12Joanne, what do you reckon?
45:12I agree with you.
45:13The pants aren't, they're not, no Irish man to wear those pants.
45:17But he does have an Irish head.
45:19I'm confused.
45:21Audience, what do you reckon, Irish or Aussie?
45:22Aussie!
45:24Okay, what's your name, mate, and where are you from?
45:27John from Ireland.
45:32Hang on.
45:34John, what part of Ireland are you from?
45:36By Castle, Northampton.
45:38I didn't know they made him like that in Northampton.
45:42Good man, John.
45:43Thank you, John.
45:45Okay, swim safe.
45:48Lads, I don't think we'll get any better than that.
45:51That is incredible.
45:53Lads, give it up for everybody out on the beach in Sydney.
46:00I'm going to be honest.
46:01I don't think there's any Australians left in Australia.
46:04Well, a big thank you to all our crew on the streets of Sydney.
46:07And lads, unfortunately, that's all we have time for.
46:10A big thank you to all our guests.
46:13To Joanne McNally.
46:14To Franco.
46:14Thank you, Kevin.
46:20This is our last episode of this series.
46:22And a massive thank you to all of our brilliant guests,
46:24our stand-up comedians,
46:25and the brilliant music we've had all over the series.
46:27And a massive thank you to you at home for watching.
46:29From all of us here in Swan's Bar in Screen and County Meath.
46:33And now, the moment we've all been waiting for, lads,
46:35there's only one way to end this series.
46:36And that is with the man, the myth, the legend,
46:39Mark McKay!
46:39All right, all you guys are going to do the first press.
46:47Are we ready?
46:48Yep.
46:49All right.
46:50She walked across the dance of that match.
46:52We dress.
46:52Take care.
46:53She.
46:54She.
46:54She.
46:54She.
46:55She.
46:55She.
46:56She.
46:56She.
46:57She.
46:57She.
46:58She.
46:58She.
46:59She.
46:59She.
47:00She.
47:00She.
47:01She.
47:01She.
47:02She.
47:02She.
47:03She.
47:03She.
47:04She.
47:04Back in the house for the two Johnnies,
47:06late-night lock-in' season finale.
47:11Yeah, yeah, fuck you, yeah.
47:15She's an excellent action to maniac.
47:21All right.
47:24Let's do this.
47:26Woo-hoo-hoo.
47:28Woo-hoo-hoo.
47:29Woo-hoo-hoo.
47:30Woo-hoo-hoo.
47:31She walked across the dance of that match.
47:33She's dressed and cute.
47:34She was a sexy lady.
47:36She had to get her thrill.
47:38And the cheek can't get her high.
47:39But she know all the music to beat the tempo.
47:41She was wrong for that life.
47:43She was in for a fight.
47:44She said, greetings.
47:45All the time with a new chair.
47:46All the time with a mic in the left hand.
47:48It's me, number five, to preach it.
47:50Are you ready now?
47:51Move to the roots, not life.
47:52It has no meaning.
47:53Are you ready now?
47:54Move to the madness.
47:55Are the party back to you?
47:56We bring this group to you.
47:58Are you ready now?
48:00Move to the groove.
48:02Put your hands up in the air.
48:03Most of the questions I ask you.
48:05Are you ready?
48:07Woo-hoo!
48:08All right.
48:09And then she's a person in the house tonight.
48:11That's who you see.
48:12She's a mania.
48:13She's a maniac, maniac on the floor.
48:18All right.
48:19And I think she's a person in the house tonight.
48:22Let's hear you see, she's a maniac.
48:25She's a maniac, maniac on the floor.
48:30And she's dancing, and she's dancing like she never did before.
48:36Right here on the Two Johnnies dance floor.
48:39She's a maniac, maniac on the floor.
48:43Sing it.
48:44And she's dancing.
48:45And she's dancing like she never did before.
48:50Audience, it needs a patient time.
48:52She said, put your hands in the air.
48:56Side to side like you just don't care.
48:59Everybody in the house on a party night, scream up back to me.
49:02Agi, agi, agi, agi.
49:04Rock, rock, rock.
49:06She's a maniac, maniac on the floor.
49:11And she's dancing.
49:12And she's dancing like she never did before.
49:17The Grand Palace.
49:19This story has come real far.
49:22感到 Olhaab cheering for Helen Kratt Mini jacket,
49:25and she's dancing like she never played in the background.
49:27They could never even know.
49:29hopedların where shefters walking the spot around her.
49:31But the road's walking the road.
49:32And I think the road's walking the direction.
49:33Always walking the road.
49:34And my experience is dancing like her in turning toward her.
49:36So not just outright.
49:37But the runway is dancing like she never rode on a長途 with any Graves.
49:39Can I see her racing or a striper?
49:41That crap doesn't mean much the trick.
49:43I'm coming out on.
49:44I knew that there were no angles.
49:46I was waiting.
49:47She'd fun with her.
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