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The 2 Johnnies Late Night Lock In Season 3 Episode 1
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FunTranscript
00:00I
00:26Welcome to the two johnny's late night lock-in
00:30All right
00:33Hi, it's max. Oh what a week of had an absolute nightmare someone back into me car the cat went missing that rashes back and
00:41And I can't find a winning lot of ticket. Oh, how was your week? Great. I won the lotto
00:51Right lads, let's get on with the show our first guest tonight. He's an Irish sporting legend
00:56He won the Grand National on tiger roll tiger roll the horse. Yeah, that explains the pile of shit outside my dressing
01:04Yeah, the horse did it
01:07Give it up for Davey Russell
01:09Oh
01:19This man, he's brilliant, and he's no relation to Davey Russell. It's Russell Kane
01:23Oh
01:31And we'll have music from a man who has the voice of an angel if that angel smoke 20 fags a day. It's the mighty damn the kid
01:38Oh
01:48It's time to find out who's in the bar
01:52Who's in the bar?
01:54Ladies and gentlemen in the bar tonight. We are very honored to have the one and only 20 25 Rose of Tralee Kate and Commons
02:01Welcome to the bar. Thank you very much. Massive congratulations on winning the Rose of Tralee. I mean, it's great to have you
02:16How has life been treating you since you were crowned the Rose?
02:18Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable. The experiences I've had so far and the opportunities coming up are just
02:23Exceptional and I'm so so excited for the year ahead. Well, why should we have you here? Will you help us officially open the show? I will, of course
02:29Okay, right
02:33We assume this is what roses of Tralee do. Yes. Yeah, okay, right
02:37So we would like to officially declare this series of the two Johnnies late-night lock-in
02:42Open
02:49Thanks for winning to Caitlin as well. We'll be having a chat with you later. Caitlin, go up to the bar there and get yourself a drink
02:53Ladies and gentlemen, the Rose of Tralee. Caitlin, comments
02:55Okay, who in the audience is ready to meet our first guest?
03:03To find out who our guest is we head over to Seamus the Sheep
03:09Seamus the Sheep always decides to guess so who's it going to be?
03:13It is between Davy Russell a Jack Russell or Mr. Muscle who loves the jobs you hate
03:21All right, who's Seamus going for? I hope it's not the dog. It's going to be an awkward interview. It is of course Davy Russell
03:27Oh, I won't cover anybody!
03:41You want to play the song? Oh, yeah
03:43Davy, welcome to the bar. How are you? Yeah, cool. Yeah, delighted to be here
03:47Cool
03:49It's not my first time
03:51Have you been in this bar before?
03:53Loads of times
03:55Never remember recording though? No
03:57Okay, that's a good thing. Where to even start with you?
03:59I mean you're one of Ireland's best ever sports people
04:0161 Grade 1 winners your three-time Irish Jumper Racing Champion Jockey
04:04Two-time Grand National Winner, Cheltenham Gold Cup Winner and Grand Steeplechase to Paris
04:07Harry
04:09Dave, welcome to the bar
04:11I'm wrecked after naming him. He must have been wrecked after riding him
04:17The horses
04:19Do you know when you
04:21Do you know when you win a big race? Like the Gold Cup
04:25You don't get the Gold Cup
04:27Like when you win a race, what do you get?
04:29I get a miniature one
04:31Version of the trophy
04:33Not the exact trophy, no
04:35It's literally a Gold Cup
04:37A small one? Yeah
04:38And generally after a race like you get a little medal
04:40You won the race, no?
04:41I don't know
04:42Usually you get kind of a bottle of champagne
04:45Or a horse's head
04:47Or a statue
04:49A statue
04:51Not like
04:53A godfather
04:55No, just a little statue
04:57Or a memento to say
04:59Whatever race it was, when it was
05:01Class
05:02Say when you win a big race, you win a Gold Cup
05:04The most amazing thing to us is that like
05:0615-20 minutes later
05:07You're back on another horse
05:08Yeah, it's
05:09It's
05:10It's really fast
05:11It happens
05:12Everything happens
05:13Do you get a chance to celebrate?
05:14No
05:15You're brilliant at your job
05:16Thank you, David
05:17Yeah, of course
05:19But you don't celebrate every show like, do you?
05:21Like, you know what I mean?
05:22You'd be surprised
05:23We don't get over here till Sunday
05:25We don't get over here till Sunday
05:26We celebrate some
05:28Some race
05:29But not immediately after
05:30You have to move on to the next one
05:31Keep going
05:32And was it particularly tough for you?
05:33Because you're tall as jockeys go
05:34Yeah, so I
05:35You were 5'11?
05:365'11
05:37I was 6 foot
05:38Like, in them shoes you are?
05:41Yeah
05:42That's tall for a jockey
05:43Yeah, it was quite tall
05:44Maybe when I started was tall
05:45Not anymore
05:46You know, lads are getting taller
05:47Why is that?
05:48Are horses getting bigger?
05:49No, horses getting taller
05:50How did you keep the weight down though?
05:54Yeah, you're just there
05:55You're just very busy
05:56And you get into a routine then of not eating basically
05:59And sweating
06:00Wow
06:01So you would go in the bat?
06:03Yeah, I prefer the bat
06:05A lot of lads used the sauna
06:06Some lads used to use the sauna
06:08But I loved using the bat
06:09It was
06:10It wasn't sink as much
06:11Like, your eyes would get into the back of your head
06:13And
06:14What did you do in the bat?
06:15Just sit there
06:16Sit there
06:17Sit there
06:18Sit there because you're not able to do much more
06:20I wouldn't advise it to anybody
06:22Like you get a wrinkly
06:23Like I'm actually only 25
06:24You get a wrinkly face
06:29And you get in really bad form
06:32And things like that
06:33But
06:34At least you get the right good horses
06:35Yeah
06:36Nothing else wrinkled at all
06:37We know that you're an incredible crack
06:40Because we've been out together on a few nights out
06:42But like
06:43We know at the same time
06:44You're all ye jockeys
06:45You're all in the same way room
06:46You're all like
06:47Kind of talking out together
06:48For want of a better room
06:49We're literally beside each other
06:50We're all
06:51Can I get spicy in there?
06:52Like can I be
06:53Do you know what I mean?
06:54Like I'll be honest
06:55Like if some lad cut me off now in a corner
06:56He'd be
06:57Yeah there's kind of a code
06:58Right
06:59There'd be a couple of
07:00But really like we're small
07:01Little
07:02Lads
07:03It's kind of
07:04Kind of a mormon
07:06Don't do that again
07:09I'd say
07:10Yeah I'd say
07:11That's what you're like
07:12No yeah
07:13No it can get a bit spicy
07:14But at the end of the day
07:16We all know how dangerous it is
07:17Yeah
07:18We get on it
07:19You know
07:20Finish the end of the day
07:21You move on to the next day
07:22And speaking of that man
07:23You've had somewhat injuries
07:24Yeah
07:25Is there any bone you haven't broken?
07:26I don't know
07:27It's not really a bust
07:28Because that means I fell off a lot
07:30And it's not my job to fall off
07:33Stay on them
07:34But like you've broken
07:35Leg
07:36Hip
07:37Oh legs
07:38Legs
07:39Arms
07:40Fingers
07:41Wrists a lot
07:42My ankles
07:43This okay to my ankle
07:44Twisted
07:45Look down
07:46And my ankles
07:47Face back that way
07:48My neck
07:49And my face
07:50I actually
07:51I had a modelling contract
07:53Before
07:54Sorry
07:56I didn't mean to laugh
07:57Sorry
07:58I was going modelling socks
08:00But er
08:03No my face
08:04That was really
08:05What did you break in your face?
08:06Everything
08:07So
08:08My nose
08:10Separated from my cheekbone
08:11And
08:12Do you know
08:13You can't really see the top of your nose
08:15Do you know what I mean?
08:16But I could
08:17It was right there under my eye
08:20Oh man
08:21And you got back on the horse
08:22Cut back on
08:24Oh my goodness
08:25Awesome
08:26All of
08:28All of
08:29All of these injuries
08:30Right
08:31All of these injuries you've got over the years
08:32They didn't stop you dancing
08:33Oh no I love dancing
08:34Like
08:35There's no stopping you when it comes to the
08:36To the dancing
08:37And you're normally a designated driver on the night out
08:38Because you don't be drinking
08:39Yeah
08:40Yeah
08:41I actually love driving
08:42And er
08:43You get to
08:44You go around to loads of different places
08:45And
08:46I'm always driving
08:47The lads are drinking
08:48And we always end up somewhere funny
08:50Somewhere queer
08:51Something always strange happens
08:52Yeah
08:53Actually there's a friend of mine here tonight
08:54Davy Condon
08:55Is there somewhere
08:56In the crowd
08:57And er
08:58Oh we were
08:59This random night
09:00We ended up
09:01In Tallow
09:02We were living in Cashel
09:03So we were going over the V
09:04Yeah and it's
09:05Bad old roads
09:06Yeah bad old roads
09:07And
09:08Boys had a couple of
09:09Drinks in them
09:10And they had to stop
09:11On top of the V
09:12So there was Martin first and Davy Condon
09:13Were with me
09:14And er
09:15So they were standing up off the edge of the V
09:16Big cliff
09:17You know
09:18Big fish and the two boys were there
09:19And
09:20Davy Condon decided it would be funny to kick Martin Ferris
09:23Off the side
09:24And Martin rolled down the side of the mountain
09:27And er
09:28We were all laughing
09:29And we were saying
09:30Come on Martin it's time to go
09:31He came back up
09:32He was covered
09:33In sheep faeces
09:34He had rolled into a dead sheep
09:37So I'm there with my car and I'm looking and I said Martin there is no way you're getting into this car
09:45Dressed like that
09:47So we stripped him right
09:49Put all his clothes into the boot
09:51Threw away some of them
09:52And he was sitting in the back of the car dark naked
09:54And you know that when you come down off the V
09:57You know the road into care
09:58It's a one way street
09:59Yeah
10:00And we were going the one way
10:01But we were going the wrong way
10:02Down the one way
10:03Down the one way
10:04And er
10:05You couldn't write this
10:06And we were just
10:07So it's a short cut
10:08Like when it's
10:093 o'clock in the morning
10:10There's no one around
10:11We went to shoot down next thing
10:12Blue lights
10:13I'm sitting in the car
10:16And I'm saying to myself
10:17How am I going to explain this
10:19Davy Condon was asleep
10:21Beside me
10:22Martin Ferris was stark naked
10:23In the back of the car
10:24And I rolled down the
10:26Rolled down the window
10:27I was driving a 1978 Toyota Starlet
10:30And
10:31I rolled down the window
10:32And the guard
10:33And I said
10:34Gareth
10:35I promise you
10:36It's not what it seems to me
10:37He looked in the back
10:38Martin Ferris are smiling
10:40No clothes on him
10:42Davy Condon was starting to wake up
10:44And er
10:45The guard said
10:46I actually don't have enough paper
10:48In my notepad
10:49We were wondering
10:52Seeing as you build up a relationship
10:54With the horse
10:55You have to work together as a team
10:56And you ride them
10:57And you win races
10:58Would the horse recognise you?
11:00I doubt it
11:02Well would you recognise the horse?
11:05I would
11:06You would?
11:07Yeah
11:08We'll put this to the test Davy
11:09We've got a little game for you
11:10Here it is
11:11We're calling this game
11:12Maniac 2000 Guineas
11:13Right?
11:14She's a lady
11:15Yeah
11:16She's a lady
11:17She's a lady
11:18I come up so
11:19She's a lady
11:20She's dancing
11:21She's dancing
11:22As long as she's dancing
11:23She's dancing
11:24She's a lady
11:25so we're going to show you some pictures this is the view you would have had when you were riding
11:36these horses winning races did I these horses did I roll yes okay so let's have a look at horse
11:41number one no way no way I didn't ride that horse it's got a double bridle on no way so you did
11:52that's one of yours that's one of yours that's one of yours yeah there's no denying it now I know they
11:59don't all look the same when you see the photos that's one of yours they don't all look the same
12:05from behind Davey you rode this horse who is it Sam Crow it's Max well Davey let's find out if you're
12:15right it is Sam Crow okay Davey here's a look at horse number two now that is a that is I would
12:30say a harder one very hairy no I you did right I I I I don't know that horse no take a guess I if
12:47it's um field or it's not Irish point oh good horse yeah it was my last winner yeah good horse him
12:59yeah okay let's let's have a look at one more let's have a look at one more ah the man himself is it
13:06what are you saying what are you saying is that the tiger it is tiger oh Davey is going to join us
13:30for a game of Dayton or related that's a Russell and Caitlin you happy to join us for a game of Dayton
13:35related okay so in honor of the Rosa truly being from portly been from leash we have you were going
13:44on a night out would you go to port leash you said you would in honor of the Rosa tree been here and
13:51been from leash we have a camera in vibe bar and market square in port leash and just going off how
13:57people look we've got to guess are they dating or are they related Caitlin do you know the vibe
14:02bar in port leash I do have you frequented it before the Rosa truly I'm sure yeah okay let's go and find
14:10a couple let's spin that camera around let's head around the vibe bar I'm intrigued are they both ginger
14:14these two oh my god yeah oh yeah zoom in and then here we go hello obviously you're live on
14:23television with the two Johnnies nod your head if you're up for playing a game
14:26okay let's what do you reckon Dayton or relay Russell what do you think I've got to be related
14:47I'll tell you what we'll find out after the break
14:59all right welcome back to the two Johnnies
15:24now before the break we had a camera out in the streets of port leash and we wanted to find out
15:33if this couple were dating or related remember them from before the break here they are what do we
15:38think lads I'll tell you one thing for a lot they haven't drank much out of that point let's see
15:44let's prove if you are dating or related
15:47related
15:50put your hands together for everybody going to port leash
15:59now lads lads lads lads lads it is time for some incredible stand-up everyone put your hands together for this man one of the UK's biggest and best comedians
16:12it's Russell
16:19hello hello you all right hello hello thanks for having me this is exciting isn't it proper Irish pub gig I did think it was gonna be
16:41gonna be in a city I didn't realize it's gonna be quite so far out but that is a good thing I started to hear fucking banjos as I left the airport
16:48now that I'm here I'm glad so normally what's going on in the UK at the moment the younger the audience is
16:55the harder the gig is because young people get offended so easily and triggered by everything so it's great to be in fucking Ireland
17:02with a real fucking
17:05I shot myself at first but it's fucking country people that want to have a fucking laugh about shit
17:11so I'm glad to be impossible to offend hopefully yeah that I'm hoping
17:16what was your name Claire from guess who what's your name
17:18it's what
17:19Siobhan and
17:20Siobhan and
17:21Nol
17:22Nol Siobhan your knickers and Nol
17:23and
17:24er
17:25it's er
17:26what's it like here then is people getting offended easily here
17:28it's er
17:29it's er
17:30back home
17:31it's even hard to tell a joke because a joke is about feeling uncomfortable
17:34so I will create this slightly tense atmosphere now
17:38er
17:39and er
17:40that is released through humour so a joke is about feeling awkward
17:44but you don't this is a generation that's not been taught to be uncomfortable
17:48and a joke makes you feel like most people where I'm from over the age of 35 walked to school from the age of 11
17:55unattended
17:56walked fucking unattended even through stabby inner cities through the countryside
18:01but now everyone's driven everywhere because everyone's scared of paedophiles are going to jump out of bushes
18:06only it's not true is it it's not true the world is a safe place but we're taking away independence from children
18:13and therefore they're growing up so sensitive they have to run to the triggering area
18:16to be covered in soy latte and have pronouns etched into their
18:20oh my god I've got a word on me I'm offended my feelings are hurt
18:23that's what I'm fucking dealing with back home
18:25I will start in a minute I'm just setting up the atmosphere
18:28no because this is young people so we don't have to have punch like the older people
18:33like gnolls over there how about a fucking jork
18:35like no
18:36this is
18:37these people are gen zed they have no structure they can't even afford a deposit on a flat in Dundork
18:42they don't want structure
18:43they just want just improvise just list woodland animals badger squirrel
18:47he's so postmodern get out of my room grandad stop trying to understand the human
18:50there is no structure
18:52you know why did the chicken cross the road who cares let's welcome it into Ireland let's give it a safe space
18:57no I'm sick I'm sick of chickens crossing the road let's give it a space where it can transition into a turkey safely
19:04if that's what it wants to be
19:06do you know what's weird because we're in a pub
19:09and you know that there's a rise of non-drinking amongst this generation
19:14that's a good thing I don't miss the image you know of women like passed out outside the KFC with
19:18chicken nuggets scattered around their sprawled thighs like a couple of lads going around them like David
19:24like a David Atom this one's unconscious Sheamus let's take her back
19:28that's obviously a good thing
19:30it's good
19:32but there's one other thing that's on the rise which I think is interesting because the pub is an environment
19:36I don't know what it's like here but back home pubs are closed are they closing here as well
19:40they're closing we're losing like the social this is what's so fucking great about this show
19:45is it's bringing to life in a dramatic way the idea of socializing and gathering and having a lot
19:50it's fucking dying Gen Z you need to get on it again
19:53you need to get out the house put down the iPad
19:55we're raising children not to play outside because it's too dangerous
19:59don't let them play outside why
20:01what in case they discover exploration independence problem solving resilience
20:05and essential fucking adult skills
20:07and ironically leaving them indoors with the iPad
20:10where the paedophiles actually live by the way
20:12on the internet
20:14so we find ourselves in an environment
20:18I don't have
20:21I don't have a set script by the way
20:24I'm sorry if it feels disjointed I'm sorry I just I just I just speak
20:29I thought I'd fit right in here just putting my arm on the bar and doing some storytelling
20:34anyway so it's good that you're not you're not drinking but but we're not connecting either
20:39and the other thing is that's on the rise here and I checked the stats for both countries before I came on
20:45celibacy
20:46people aged 16 to 25 have stopped shagging
20:49there's there's with an intimacy a recession
20:52they're not they're not getting together
20:54they're not forming relationships then when they get to sort of 28 30
20:57they're marrying less got declining birth rates
21:00am I the only fucker that can see the obvious link between the decline of drinking alcohol
21:05and the rise of celibacy
21:07it's fucking obvious
21:09um
21:10Siobhan and Noel I don't know how long you've been together
21:1324 years
21:1524 years right
21:16we don't even need to check right
21:17unless you're Muslim or a recovering addict Noel
21:20you were off your tits the first time you got it on
21:22with Siobhan
21:23there is no other
21:24there is no
21:25there is no
21:26there is no other way
21:28there is no
21:29there is
21:31sorry
21:32sorry
21:33guaranteed
21:35well
21:36well
21:41well
21:42we know
21:43well now that's guaranteed then I know
21:47we don't even need to check Noel do not confirm or do not I know for a fact
21:50you wouldn't even be here tonight you never would have
21:52were it not for alcohol you would not have been created
21:57there would be an empty space there'd be no rose
21:59Noel would have had to get to the point where I go I could see two of you can I smash one of you
22:03it would have been something like that
22:06wouldn't it
22:07it's bang on thank you
22:09that's it put your chips on my back Noel that's it
22:11that's it
22:13that's it
22:14I can feel the vinegar on my Chinese tattoo
22:18thank you very much
22:19good evening
22:29why did you pretend it was easy
22:30how did you pretend it was easy
22:32that was bad
22:33that was bad
22:34how are you everybody
22:35give it a lot for Ross again
22:41he was that good I'm sweating
22:42now
22:45now
22:46ladies and gentlemen it's time for one of the greatest quizzes of all time
22:49it's
22:50the parish quiz
22:52every week
22:54we invite two people on and we test their local knowledge
22:57to represent the parish from the parish place
22:59and our first parish up today is Nerney in the county of Kildare and representing them
23:03is the one and only Tyke Furlong
23:05one Tyke
23:10first of all
23:11what a name Tyke Furlong
23:13I mean that must go down a treat around Nerney does it
23:15the minute you try to ring someone they say you're not from half Ireland are you
23:20do you be ringing them up now just going yeah collect that who is it Tyke Furlong
23:23yeah good one
23:25do they throw you in that extra do you get a few freebies around the town
23:27no never the minute you walk in and say oh jeez you weren't who I was expecting
23:32you're just as dangerous though Tyke I'll tell you
23:35Tyke what do you do for work
23:36groundworks
23:37drive machines and concrete and all that sort of crap
23:39oh shit
23:40roughing
23:41raring and tearing
23:42all bollocks and tipping away and rooting
23:45hardship
23:47absolute hardship
23:48so what's your favourite machine then of use like
23:51a digger
23:52a digger
23:53out in the rain
23:54oh shit
23:55a digger out in the rain but she has a
23:57I love when you talk hardship to me Tyke
24:00does everyone in Nerney love hardship?
24:03ah I'd say 95% of them
24:06brilliant stuff lads give it up for Tyke everyone
24:13our second parish from the county of Limerick and representing Khalidi is Aisling Magnar how are you?
24:25Aisling what's the crack what are you up to?
24:27I'm great delighted to be here brought the whole pecan parish with me by the same door
24:31I hope he locked the door on the way I would kill you
24:34there could be a serious robbery going on this season
24:37we're hoping that
24:38and what are you doing yourself?
24:39I work for the Limerick newspaper in Limerick so
24:42very good
24:43what's in the news these days in Limerick?
24:45everything and everything
24:46nothing but robbery
24:48no
24:49Limerick's great county all goodness
24:51now we heard you had an interest in the old rose of Tralee yourself
24:56what's this? what's going on?
24:58we're only about 14 minutes odd from Tralee at home
25:01so we go back every year
25:02so I recognised a few of the faces when I came in this evening
25:05and we love it
25:06and how do you think Caitlyn is doing?
25:07oh she's fab, Caitlyn's a dote
25:08yeah such a good guy
25:10great answer, Rose Tralee answer
25:11oh 100%
25:14I feel like Dahi O'Shea already
25:16what a cool lady
25:18hold on lads
25:19you ready for tonight though?
25:20ready to go
25:21alright keep it up for Axling Magna lads
25:27okay it's time to play the parish quiz
25:28Tyg we're starting with Nerney
25:30here we go here's your question
25:31hi Tyg, Gillian here from the shop
25:33can you tell us which local farmer sells us these potatoes?
25:37no Tyg, that's Gillian from the shop
25:43no need for first names, the shop
25:46I like how you roll in Nerney lad
25:48too much hardship to name the shop
25:51it's just the shop
25:52who produces them spuds?
25:54er, jeez
25:56John Byrne
25:57John Byrne
25:58okay alright John Byrne you say
26:00let's find out if you're right
26:01and the answer is
26:03the burns
26:04well done well done
26:06and I'm tight
26:08and I'm tight
26:09and I'm tight
26:10and I'm tight
26:11and I'm tight
26:15and I'm tight
26:16and I'm tight
26:17and I'm tight
26:18and I'm tight
26:19right Axling are you ready?
26:20ready to go
26:21okay over to Khalidi for your question
26:23Hello Axling how are you?
26:28My name is Jim Mulcahy, and I want to know what title did I get the night
26:34I collected the most money in the Ashworth tavern in 1997.
26:42What title did that man win by collecting money?
26:46I'd be extra delighted if I didn't know the answer to this.
26:49Jim is the mayor of Khalidi.
26:52He's the mayor because he collected money.
26:55Yeah, and that was 1997 and to this day Jim's house is known as the mayor office of Khalidi
27:00and that is his signature is Jim the mayor of Khalidi.
27:03Are you saying a politician bought their way into power?
27:07I don't believe it. I don't believe it. I don't believe it.
27:11I don't believe it. So Jim is the mayor?
27:13The mayor of Khalidi.
27:14Let's go back to big Jim and find out.
27:17In 1997 it was the Lord Mayor of Khalidi.
27:25Come on.
27:30Right, Ty, ready for more hardship?
27:32Yeah.
27:33Here's your next question.
27:36Hi Ty, my question for you.
27:38What's the name of this burger?
27:40It was discontinued because it was too hard to eat.
27:44No.
27:46Ty, no better man for it Ty, I'd say.
27:49Between you, is that your dad?
27:53It is indeed, yes.
27:54I didn't manage it.
27:56Now, let me tell you what's on the first.
27:57A quarter pounder patty, a chicken fillet, donor meat, bacon, a fried egg, one fresh underring,
28:01melted cheddar cheese, fried onions, chopped lettuce, layer between five, five burger buns.
28:05No wonder did this continue.
28:07It's still as we're just dropping our own nerves.
28:10Right Ty, what do you reckon that burger was called?
28:13That burger was called Bog Man's Burger.
28:15The Bog Man's Burger.
28:17Let's find out if you're right Ty.
28:19And the answer is the Bog Monster Burger.
28:25Hold on now, hold on.
28:27We can't give it, it's the Bog Monster, not the Bog Man.
28:30They've been very specific.
28:40I feel like I'm on the chase.
28:45Give half a pints, I love you.
28:49What does that say above that?
28:51Half a pints.
28:52What does that say, read that.
28:53Sorry, I'm not.
28:54Read it, read it, what's it say?
28:55Two Johnnies.
28:56The two Johnnies late night locking, good woman.
28:59What's your own name?
29:00Jessica.
29:01Jessica, it doesn't say Jessica's late night locking.
29:04No, good woman Jessica.
29:06Behave yourself.
29:09Security.
29:11OK, Ashley, let's go back to Khalid Eve for your next question.
29:15Hi Ashley, Margaret and Mike here.
29:17We're here in the shop in Nahida.
29:19And Margaret has a question for you.
29:22Ashley, what year did my mother open the shop?
29:29Now, that is Khalidi's posh and Bex, Margaret and Mike.
29:33Oh God.
29:34In what year did Margaret's mother open the shop?
29:37Like, I think it's the 50s.
29:39Between 53 and 54.
29:4053 or 54.
29:41Go on, give it a go.
29:4254.
29:441954.
29:45OK, let's go back to Dexter's laboratory and find out.
29:48And the answer is...
29:511953.
29:53Ohhhh!
29:55That's your girl.
29:57Unlucky, unlucky.
29:59It's a draw lads, which means we need a tiebreaker.
30:02Right, can we get Davy Russell to give us a hand with this tiebreaker?
30:03Davy Russell.
30:04So...
30:05Jump in here, Dave.
30:06This is a tough quiz, lads.
30:07It is a tough quiz.
30:08Well, you see, you're not from those parishes Davy.
30:09I'm not.
30:10So...
30:111953 and 1954, do you know what I mean?
30:12No.
30:13It's tough.
30:14Right, okay, lads.
30:15So, our question is...
30:16Davy Russell, champion jockey.
30:17All his life had to be on top of his weight in order to race.
30:19Our question is, now he's retired, what weight is he?
30:22No, no, no.
30:23You don't have a weight in Tyga.
30:24Do you have a weight in skills?
30:25No, please.
30:26No, no.
30:27Tyga.
30:28Tyga.
30:29Tyga.
30:30No, no.
30:31Tyga.
30:32Tyga.
30:33Tyga.
30:34Tyga.
30:35Tyga.
30:36Tyga.
30:37Tyga.
30:38Tyga.
30:39Tyga.
30:40Tyga.
30:41Tyga.
30:42Tyga.
30:43Tyga.
30:44Tyga.
30:45Tyga.
30:46Tyga.
30:47Tyga.
30:48Tyga.
30:49Tyga.
30:50Tyga.
30:51Tyga.
30:52Tyga.
30:53Tyga.
30:54Tyga.
30:55Tyga.
30:56Tyga.
30:57Tyga.
30:58Tyga.
30:59Tyga.
31:00Tyga.
31:01Tyga.
31:02Tyga.
31:03Tyga.
31:04Tyga.
31:05Tyga.
31:06Tyga.
31:07Tyga.
31:08Tyga.
31:09Tyga.
31:10Tyga.
31:11I'd say 85 kg.
31:13OK, she's went for a little less than 85.
31:16Well, here's the moment of the truth.
31:18We're back in the weigh room.
31:20Oh, I mean, like, with or without clothes?
31:23We'll be back after the break.
31:26We'll live on the clothes.
31:28Oh, just hop up a minute, she'll work away.
31:30Yeah, OK.
31:31Including the boots.
31:3588 kg, which means Tiger's the winner.
31:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:47Now, here is the moment of truth, OK?
31:50In one of these envelopes is an all-expenses-paid trip
31:53to Las Vegas.
31:57Now, also in there, OK, is a bag of spuds from the shop.
32:05Which envelope are you going to take, Ty?
32:07What's it going to be in one of them is a trip to Vegas,
32:08and the other is the bag of spuds?
32:10We're going with this one.
32:11You're going with that one closest to you.
32:12OK, Ty, open her up and let us know.
32:14Dead right, bless yourself.
32:16I can be fingers crossed for you, Ty.
32:17Hold it up to the camera, what have you got?
32:18What's it going to be?
32:19A bag of spuds.
32:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:22Now, still to come, we'll be chatting to Russell Cain.
32:23We'll have more from Rosa Tralee.
32:24Caitlin Cummins with music to come from Dan McCabe
32:25and loads more crack put on the kettle.
32:26We'll see you in a few minutes.
32:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:29I'm tired of going round and round.
32:34I play the game my mother lost.
32:37They stopped the world and let me off.
32:41Hey!
32:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:46I'm tired of going round and round.
32:49I play the game my mother lost.
32:54They stopped the world and let me off.
32:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:01Hey!
33:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:05Welcome back to Team Johnny's Late Night Lock-In!
33:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:10How are you, lad?
33:12I'm so excited, lad.
33:13I tell you, I've just bought a new house.
33:15It's amazing.
33:16I love absolutely everything about me new house.
33:18What sort is it?
33:19I've got a semi.
33:20Yeah, I can see that, but what kind of house is it?
33:21LAUGHTER
33:22It's semi-detached.
33:23Oh, right, sorry.
33:24Get on with the show, come on.
33:25Right, lads.
33:26In the bar tonight is the one and only Rosa Tralee.
33:28Give it up for her.
33:29Caitlin Cummins is here, lad.
33:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:32Let's go down.
33:33Let's go down.
33:34It's the Rosa Tralee, look.
33:36Sorry, Mammy.
33:37Can I scoot you in?
33:38I don't know if I need this or...
33:40Oh, thank you.
33:41Thank you very much.
33:42No, that's definitely appropriate.
33:43Are you enjoying the show so far?
33:44I am indeed.
33:45Oh my God, brilliant night.
33:46Brilliant night, yeah.
33:47OK, now, a lot of people, including myself,
33:49don't know what the Rosa Tralee actually does
33:51over the year that you had a Rose.
33:53So, can I just ask, have you met Daniel O'Donnell?
33:56I have.
33:57Have you been in the Farmers' Journal?
33:58I have.
33:59Did you meet the Taoiseach?
34:00Oh yeah, today.
34:01Yeah, did you?
34:02Yeah.
34:03OK, have you been in a tractor run?
34:04I have.
34:05Have you visited a nursing home in Abbey Leaks?
34:06I have.
34:07Have you been welly-throwing?
34:08Yeah.
34:09Yeah.
34:10Have you presented medals in Bally Ragget?
34:12I have.
34:13Have you been on the Two Johnnies Late Night Locker?
34:14I have indeed.
34:15You're the Rosa Tralee!
34:16Yay!
34:17Now, one of the many interesting things about you
34:23is that you must be the first Rosa Tralee ever
34:25who is an apprentice electrician.
34:27Yeah.
34:28Do the people you work with,
34:29the lads treat you differently
34:30now you come back into work on Monday as the Rose?
34:33They couldn't give a shit.
34:35Oh my God, no.
34:37When I came back to work after the Monday after Tralee,
34:39like, it was half an hour of questions,
34:41straight back to work.
34:42I got my new car,
34:43I was like, oh, new car's nice.
34:44That was it.
34:46That was it.
34:47Into it.
34:48That was it.
34:49So, if you get a call,
34:50being like, oh, there's a job at the weekend,
34:52are you asking,
34:53is this a sash job or a cash job?
34:58Probably, more than likely, a rose job.
35:00A rose job these days.
35:01Yeah, more than likely, yeah.
35:02Okay, very good.
35:03And we heard that at the Ploughan,
35:05you were doing a bit of judging.
35:06I was indeed, yes.
35:07What were you judging?
35:08I was judging the young Irish rural rising stars.
35:11Right.
35:12And while you've been judged,
35:14did you enjoy doing the bit of judging?
35:15Oh, I did, yeah.
35:16Yeah, it was a great crack.
35:17Well, would you like to do some more?
35:18I'd love to.
35:19Okay, you're in luck,
35:20because tonight we are looking for
35:22Mr. Lockin,
35:23and we need a judge.
35:24Oh.
35:25You up for it?
35:26Yep.
35:27Alright, I'll hand you over to Johnny number one,
35:28Johnny Smacks.
35:29Here we go, lads.
35:30Welcome to Mr. Lockin.
35:31Up here, I have three fine gentlemen
35:33looking to be crowned Mr. Lockin.
35:35Number one, what's your name?
35:36Where are you from?
35:37Simon from Navin.
35:38Simon from Navin.
35:39You're Simon from Navin.
35:40Okay, and you know,
35:41there's always a talent around in these things.
35:42Yeah.
35:43So, what is your talent,
35:44Simon from Navin?
35:45I can put my fist in my mouth.
35:47You, you can put your fist in your mouth?
35:49Yeah.
35:50Would we like to see that, lads?
35:51Yeah.
35:52Simon, take it away, here we go.
35:55Yes!
35:56I would offer to shake your hand, but I'll...
36:10Okay, I've got number two here with me.
36:12Number two, what's your name?
36:13Where are you from?
36:14My name is Cain and I'm from Kill,
36:15just outside Nice.
36:16Cain from Kill.
36:17Okay, and what is your talent, Cain?
36:19I can do a little bit of fast maths.
36:21Fast maths?
36:22Okay, all right, this could come in handy.
36:24What sort of fast maths are we talking about?
36:25If you go two digit numbers by two digit numbers,
36:27I can give you the answer quick enough.
36:29Multiplication, kind of?
36:30Yeah, yeah.
36:31All right, okay, all right,
36:32have we got a sum for Cain here?
36:33Let's test them out.
36:34Come out this way, Cain, don't be hiding them.
36:35I need two digit numbers by two digit numbers.
36:37You call it.
36:3826 multiplied by 98.
36:4026 by 98, Cain.
36:442, 5, 4, 8.
36:46John, you've got the calculator?
36:47This is the RT calculator, it's all just zero.
36:49LAUGHTER
36:52But I can confirm he is right!
36:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
36:56OK, one more.
36:57One more, one more.
36:58OK, one more, one more.
37:0065 by 89.
37:0365 by 89, Cain.
37:055, 7, 8, 5.
37:07That's impressive!
37:09APPLAUSE
37:11Keep the phone on, Cain, keep it going.
37:15Give it up for Cain!
37:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:19All right, we've got number three here.
37:20What's your name?
37:21Where are you from?
37:22I'm Finn from Monaghan.
37:23Finn from Monaghan.
37:24Brilliant.
37:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:27Good Monaghan crowd in tonight.
37:28They're here.
37:29They want to see your talent, Finn.
37:30What is it?
37:31My talent is that I can do a handstand
37:33while saying I am cheese in eight languages.
37:35Right.
37:36Would you like to see it, everyone?
37:38Yeah!
37:39Right, here it is, lads.
37:40Right, through the stage.
37:41Right, begin.
37:42I'll hold the wallet for you.
37:45Of course we will.
37:46Mm-hmm.
37:47Oh, and it's gone.
37:53I'm Cheese.
37:54It's Mishakash.
37:55I'm Cheese.
37:56I'm Cheese.
37:57I'm Cheese.
37:58I'm Cheese.
37:59I'm Cheese.
38:00I'm Cheese.
38:01I'm Cheese.
38:02And Yasamsi.
38:03Those are...
38:04Yeah!
38:06Mr Locking could be back for another season.
38:08Caitlin, what do you make of that?
38:09Caitlin, what do you think?
38:10Impressive.
38:11But if you say you can do a handstand
38:13and you're doing it up against the wall,
38:14you're not really doing a handstand, are you?
38:15Oh!
38:18It can say I'm Cheese in eight languages.
38:20The more you want.
38:21Give me your work.
38:22OK, OK.
38:23It comes down to this.
38:25Who are you going to crown as Mr Locking
38:27with this amazing sash?
38:28Oh, you get one of mine.
38:30OK, here we go.
38:31It's up to you.
38:32Who is it going to be?
38:33Who is it going to be, lads?
38:34One.
38:35Two.
38:36It's going to be you, I think.
38:37Oh, quick maths!
38:38APPLAUSE
38:48Give it up for your 20, 25.
38:50Mr Locking, give it up for all our contestants.
38:52Take your rise.
38:53There you go.
38:55Thank you, Finn.
38:56Fair play.
38:57Come on yourself.
39:01Do you know what?
39:02This show never ceases to amaze me.
39:03And lads, give it up for the rose.
39:04It's really Kellen Cummings.
39:09Now, let's find out who our next guest is.
39:12Yes, we head over to Seamus the Sheep.
39:14Who's it going to be?
39:15Seamus?
39:17Seamus is on the way.
39:18He's galloping.
39:19Whoa, Seamus, slow down.
39:20Our mate Shane, James McLean or Russell Kane?
39:24He's going for...
39:26John McLean.
39:27I hope it's not John McLean.
39:28I think he...
39:29It's Russell Kane!
39:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:31What's going on?
39:32How are you, man?
39:33Aren't you?
39:34I'm very, very happy with that result.
39:35Yeah.
39:36Very happy.
39:37You're on fire up there.
39:38I'm glad Rain Man won.
39:39There was no way she was going to choose someone that could put his fist in his body.
39:52No woman's looking for that.
39:53Quite a talent.
39:54Quite a talent.
39:55You never know.
39:56Yeah.
39:57Welcome to Ireland.
39:59You've been here plenty of times.
40:00You obviously like Ireland.
40:01Yeah, I've been here about four times this year for various things.
40:03I'm always popping over.
40:04I live right next to Manchester Airport so I can just nip across and poke round and that.
40:07OK, well, I want to try something if I can.
40:09Yeah.
40:10Do you mind me asking you?
40:11What age do you think Russell is?
40:13Be kind.
40:14I could get in trouble for this.
40:15Go on, have a guess.
40:1630.
40:17Lads, what do you reckon?
40:1836.
40:1936?
40:2030?
40:21Russell, what age are you?
40:2250.
40:23What?!
40:24Yeah, 50.
40:25How are you doing that?
40:2650.
40:27You're 50?
40:28Yeah, I just turned 50 in IB.
40:29I went to IB for my birthday.
40:30Oh, proper!
40:31I'm at 23.55, we left the hotel for Universe.
40:34I turned legally 50 on the way there, straight in the VIP at it till 6am.
40:38It was wicked.
40:39Russell, we've got a photo of you.
40:41Now, this is either Ibiza or the clown, I'm not sure.
40:44It could be either.
40:45That's straight off your phone.
40:47He sent you to the conference, Johnny.
40:49He broke his forearm looking at that.
40:52Now, it all looks a bit snug there, Russell.
40:55Could you not get a bigger hat?
40:57It was for a prank and then my wife snapped that off.
41:01Now, it was about 15 years ago, I started to get a bit tired and I thought,
41:04you know what, I like this age, sort of 35, how can I stay here?
41:07So, I experimented with all the normal stuff, diet and exercise,
41:10went down the shop, got my burnt potatoes.
41:13And I really, I really, I started to think about what I was eating.
41:17I trained like a boxer, really.
41:18I was speaking to Dave earlier and my life is like a sports person, really,
41:22because my, not tonight, I was very relaxed.
41:24What I was doing is different to what I do on stage.
41:26This is you relaxed?
41:27It was.
41:28Well, I'm normally, I do 800 calories on stage.
41:31It's really, very frenetic, very, lots of energy.
41:34And I thought, I was just getting unfit.
41:36So, I just got into how can I optimise my fitness, food, diet,
41:39and then I started experimenting with weird and wonderful supplements.
41:42It's working.
41:43And at first, all my friends were like,
41:44hey, what a load of shite, you know, snake oil.
41:46Now, they're all like, they're all old men.
41:48One's got a stent, erectile dysfunction, they're fucked.
41:50And that comes to it.
41:52Good fun in the pizza with them.
41:53I'm still going like a sewing machine in a power surgeon.
41:56As well as, as training, looking after yourself,
41:59you love animals as well.
42:00You've written a book.
42:01Yeah.
42:02Pet Selector.
42:03Do you want to tell us about that?
42:04It's for, it's for kids.
42:05It's for like seven to 11 year olds.
42:06It's like a cat and dog breed guide for children.
42:09I went, this, I was at this publisher's pitch,
42:11so they switched the Zoom on and I had all these ideas
42:13that I thought were clever.
42:14My cat was on the, my lap.
42:16Now, what type of cat is that?
42:17And I was just being funny, like bringing the breed to life.
42:19And they went, right, that's what I did.
42:21It's a bloody bestseller, yeah.
42:23Unbelievable, congratulations.
42:24Well.
42:25So, you can match the personality of an animal to what kind of person they should be with.
42:35It's not die or relate again with animals, is it?
42:37It kind of is.
42:38It's a rural and Irish version.
42:40We're back to leash.
42:41Where's two Jack Russells.
42:43We're wondering if you could describe, we've got an animal here for you.
42:47Yeah.
42:48Yeah, this is Goujon, who is a five year old golden retriever.
42:51I mean, what kind of person owns a Goujon?
42:54Well, the person who should own a golden retriever is someone that likes to walk
42:58and someone who's active, because a lot of dogs are rehomed,
43:00because people get a cockapoo and they live in a fucking flat in Dublin or something.
43:04So, I would think a quite active person that likes walking.
43:07Yeah.
43:08We've got another dog for you here.
43:09Yeah.
43:10This is Ted Hastings, who's a four year old golden doodle.
43:13Yeah.
43:14You know, what kind of a person owns him?
43:16Well, that would probably be an old lady or an elderly gay man.
43:19LAUGHTER
43:21Great, we can tell you there are two dogs.
43:24LAUGHTER
43:26Nailed it.
43:27Well, the question is, which Johnny owns which dog?
43:31Ooh.
43:32Who's been doing more walking?
43:35LAUGHTER
43:36It's impossible to tell, isn't it?
43:38LAUGHTER
43:40Golden retriever.
43:41Yeah.
43:42That's my Goujon.
43:43Golden doodle, I am, of course.
43:44He's going to one, he's going to one.
43:45I am, of course, a heavenly gay man.
43:47APPLAUSE
43:49It's true, though, like, it's on a serious note,
43:54most of the dogs in the shelters are rehomed,
43:56because people can't be arsed to walk them.
43:58Yeah.
43:59When I came to Ireland, when I was dating this girl,
44:02they thought I was fucking mental,
44:03cos, obviously, in London, we have all our animals in the homes,
44:06they fucking filmed me for the Guinness in Clough,
44:08and I was out, like, playing with a dog in the field.
44:10It didn't even have a...
44:11What's its name?
44:12It doesn't have a name.
44:13It just works.
44:14And I was, like, petting the cows and shit.
44:16LAUGHTER
44:17What's this one called?
44:18It's 247, he'll be dead on Wednesday.
44:20LAUGHTER
44:21He'll be dead on Wednesday.
44:22And then the nana.
44:23We've eaten a fucking Sunday roast like that,
44:25but their grandparents continue to feed you here, don't they?
44:27Yeah.
44:28I don't know.
44:29I locked myself in the room,
44:30there's fucking soda bread coming under the door.
44:32LAUGHTER
44:33I'd left with diabetes, but I had a wicked time.
44:36LAUGHTER
44:37Did you enjoy the Irish pub experience, Dave?
44:39I travelled all around.
44:40I didn't just stick to the obvious bits.
44:41We were all around Connemara.
44:42I did wild camping on Inish Boffin.
44:44I went up to the Aran Isles.
44:46I went everywhere, man.
44:47I fucking love this place.
44:48Everywhere you go, people are so friendly at first,
44:51because you're English, it's nerve-wracking,
44:53because everyone's fucking horrible back home.
44:54LAUGHTER
44:55If they're talking to you,
44:56they're normally going to steal from you or stab you.
44:58And it's the same gig in here as well,
45:00because you'll go on stage.
45:01It's like tonight, man.
45:02No-one came to this pub to see me,
45:04but when you get an Irish audience,
45:06they will always give you the benefit of the tap down.
45:08They'll give you the push-off.
45:10Even, like, the miserable old man,
45:11it's not my cup of tea, but, you know, fair play.
45:13LAUGHTER
45:14Whereas the London audience will be like,
45:16let's see what you got, dickhead.
45:17LAUGHTER
45:21Right, well, speaking of being in Irish pubs,
45:25we've got a camera down in Port Leash,
45:28up front of a bit of Dating or Related.
45:29Yeah!
45:30I love this guy.
45:31OK, let's head back to the home of Dating or Related.
45:34It is Leash.
45:35We're in Port Leash.
45:36We're in the Vibe bar.
45:37Who do we fancy, lads?
45:38Who are we going to zoom in on?
45:39Who are we going to get that camera in?
45:40OK. The white one, love.
45:42OK, Davy Russell is directing. Here we go.
45:44These two are having the right conversation, you know,
45:46and they'll come back further.
45:47Oh, here we go.
45:48Here we go.
45:49Oh!
45:50Oi, lads.
45:51Don't say it, but nod your head
45:52if you're up for playing a game on the two Johnnies.
45:54Yes, right.
45:56OK, what do we reckon, lads?
45:58They were very close.
46:00Caelan, do you know them?
46:01Caelan doesn't know them.
46:03They could be outsiders.
46:04LAUGHTER
46:05Ross, what do you reckon?
46:06Oh...
46:07Expelliolus.
46:08I think they do look a little bit alike again.
46:19They could be.
46:20I'm going to double down and go related.
46:22I think they're related, too.
46:23Audience.
46:24OK, they're all saying related.
46:26Well, let's prove it, lads.
46:27Are you dating or are you related?
46:29We're dating.
46:31We're dating.
46:32Lads, can you put your hands together for everybody down to Port Leach?
46:43CHEERING
46:45OK, I'll tell you what, let's calm it down, lads.
46:48We've got a treat.
46:49We have got an absolute treat for you at home
46:51and for everybody in the bar as well.
46:52I can't wait.
46:53I've been waiting all night for this.
46:54It's time for some music from the wonderful Dan McCabe.
46:57CHEERING
46:59APPLAUSE
47:06As we gather in the chapel here
47:10In old main home jail
47:14We think about the last few weeks
47:19Oh, we'll see the fame
47:23From the school days
47:25They have told us
47:27We must earn liberty
47:32We'll all I want
47:34In the staring place
47:36Is the heart you hate with me
47:43Oh, grace
47:44Just hold me in your arms
47:47And let this moment linger
47:51You'll take me out of the dark
47:55And I will die
47:58With all of my love
48:02I place this wedding ring
48:05Upon your finger
48:08There won't be time
48:11To share and love
48:13For me to save you
48:16Oh, grace
48:21Oh, grace
48:22Just hold me in your arms
48:24And let this moment linger
48:27Oh, grace
48:29Just hold me in your arms
48:30And let this moment linger
48:31They'll take me out of the dark
48:32And I will die
48:34With all of my love
48:37With all of my love
48:39With all of my love
48:40I place this wedding ring
48:43Upon your finger
48:45There won't be time
48:48To share and love
48:50For me to save you
48:54There won't be time
48:59To share and love
49:00To share and love
49:01For me to save you
49:05Goodbye
49:06And let this wedding ring
49:07Say goodbye
49:08Goodbye
49:23Unbelievable
49:24Absolutely
49:25Unbelievable from Dan McCabe
49:27Nobody does it better
49:28Nobody does it better
49:29In an Irish pub
49:30Than those Irish lads
49:31Give it up one more time
49:32For Dan McCabe
49:38Unfortunately
49:39That's all we have time for
49:40Thank you to all our guests
49:41To the Rosa Tralee
49:42Caitlin Cummins
49:43To Dan McCabe
49:44Davey Russell
49:45And he's still in no relation
49:46Russell Cain
49:50Have a great night
49:51We'll see you again
49:52Find yourselves
49:53Good luck
49:54Thank you
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