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00:00Come with me, don't gotta worry for the both of us
00:05Put you in a jersey, don't gotta hurry in the name of love
00:13Let you bow with me, don't gotta worry when tomorrow comes
00:20I'll put you in a jersey, don't gotta hurry no
00:27Put you in a jersey, don't gotta hurry in the name of love
00:31Put you in a jersey, don't gotta hurry in the name of love
00:39Put you in a jersey, don't gotta hurry up
00:57Put you in a jersey, don't gotta hurry up
01:01Put you in a jersey, don't gotta hurry up
01:03Put you in a jersey, don't gotta hurry up
01:07Put you in a jersey, don't gotta hurry up
01:13Put you in a jersey, don't gotta hurry up
01:15Put you in a jersey, don't gotta hurry up
01:17Put you in a jersey, don't gotta hurry up
01:19Put you in a jersey, don't gotta hurry up
01:21Put you in a jersey, don't gotta hurry up
01:23you think this was my idea no there's nothing I can do no don't shoot the messenger man
01:43I just told you there's nothing we can do it's done you were serious about that track
01:50stop yelling bro shut the fuck up sanguinette was that sanguinette no on solo where is he
02:00the Millennium Falcon oh at home why is sanguinette at home he's not coming Zeke smells like a chicken
02:07coop but he'll get used to it just like everybody else fuck you Shorzy don't worry Zeke new smells
02:11just mean you're becoming a woman fuck you Shorzy why isn't sanguinette here because the no-show folded
02:20huh the no-show the entire league folded there were only five teams we've been hanging on by a thread
02:27for a while can't hear away from a full-on collapse the Sioux hunt folded they're the only ones that
02:32didn't leaving them and us what about Timmins not enough players in North Bay not enough ice and the
02:37other Sioux bankrupt and there's nothing you can do you would have done it I'm sorry Shorzy I tried
02:43look there was a lot of build-up to get you to coach we can figure something out don't be a liar
02:50the transition of life after hockey is tough we'll continue to be here don't be a pussy then stop
02:54standing there like you had a miscarriage bitch could you not fucking beat it today oh buck up and
02:59go get your dick sucked just get some fucking crumbled up treats and a baggie in your desk no
03:03one's more disappointed than I am Shorzy I grew up in this league I'm devastated it's gone
03:08it's not that senior hockey is not dead far from it it's not that either then what is it slut you
03:13pooped yourself he's probably sad he won't get to wear that tracksuit again oh my god he is iconic
03:20what this blue it's iconic it's a Care Bear color don't you think I look like a celebrity you don't
03:26look like a celebrity huh he looks like gay run DMC well not like a celebrity but like a personality
03:31you look like a fucking popsicle bro more baby blue I think this is more of a Robin's egg blue it's a
03:36hibiscus blue it's an Easter color you're a fashion guy now eh I read in men's health that
03:40your clothes are supposed to make you feel good so so I'd never thought of that before 10 seconds
03:45out of hockey and he's Coco Chanel he's Lady Gaga he's in there and a Garsham boat yeah you're gonna
03:56say sorry to hear come to Toronto no then eh Toronto now why we're gonna make you an offer you can't
04:03refuse have a go new panel new personalities refused stay with us hey shorty good to see you
04:09again hey Mike you try that Malaysian spot I was telling you about yeah the satay was unreal hey try
04:14the befriend dang one topic one time thing where the game was where the game is where the game's
04:19going that's three topics all boring welcome back shorty hey Aaron you still got your kid and dance
04:24she's the worst one there I told you put her in hockey you paying for it your old teammates have missed
04:30you how do you remember everyone's name I'm so bad at it here's the trick get good at it that's the
04:35ticket eh that's how you build a winning culture Mike what is that shirt birthday present from my
04:40girlfriend put it in the garbage fuck you Shorzy come on Shorzy it's clear you had some fun around
04:45here one more for old times sake well then make me an offer I actually can't refuse Gretzky
04:52Wayne Gretzky
04:57Wayne Gretzky are we just saying words or am I going to get some actual information you're going
05:07on TV here today with Wayne Gretzky are you gonna sneeze I think a book flew in his mouth just give
05:15a second you crying just give me a second is he crying are you crying he's crying can I go sit
05:23in someone's car for a minute why are you crying my whole life just flashed before my eyes it's
05:27emotional what are you talking about it's all those years I was sure I was gonna be a fucking
05:31loser you're not out of the weeds yet wish I could go back and tell that kid he's going on TV with
05:35Wayne Gretzky the great one himself wish I could go back and tell that kid everything's gonna be all
05:39right 99 arrives in one hour oh fuck just give me a fucking Kleenex use your tampon oh shut the fuck
05:46up Mike you tit fucker dad hey how are you now what are you doing I'm at uh actually it doesn't matter
05:53I'm going on TV with Wayne Gretzky what yeah I'm going on TV with Wayne Gretzky what are you talking
06:00about where are you I'm in Toronto I'm at bro dude and Wayne Gretzky is on his way here we're going
06:05on TV together yes just the greatest hockey player this generation or any other and me
06:10I know I know a fucking loser I know it's crazy it's crazy I'm so proud of you does your brother
06:22know no I'm gonna call him next you better call him yeah I'm gonna give him a call well give him a
06:26call well dad I gotta get ready for the fucking great one give him a call then call me back yeah
06:31I'll give you a call yeah yeah love you bye
06:33yo hey mole what's up I'm working remember all those years you were pretty sure I was gonna be a
06:45fucking loser a loser dead yeah what are you doing right now making some 10 bits that I'm on the
06:50drive-thru window till end of shift why I'm about to go on TV with Wayne Gretzky what yeah who's the
06:56loser now bitch are you kidding don't shoot the messenger do you know how many times I've said
07:01that today I'm sorry now ice is harder and harder to come by we've got too many players too many teams
07:06kids and sports stay off the streets if the bulldogs are folding we have to give your weekly ice times
07:11to someone else what a punt to the cunt and once the ice is gone it's gonna be really hard to get
07:15back just like that there's no grace period to what to get our shit together the body's so fucking warm
07:20woman see what this is our barn our banners in the rafters our name on the marquee bulldog hockey
07:26baby don't shoot the messenger you can take the dog out of the fight we just won the country here
07:30how long do we have I'm worried the dog will bite I'm sorry I'm just a bit pent up needs to get laid
07:38how long the basketball team needs the bulldogs dressing room ASAP what the basketball team also
07:46needs this office what want to talk about that Sudbury church league that got banned from their
07:51rink those guys play like psychos unique
07:54don't smile like that and help it you'll freak him out I can't help it I know I'm excited too
08:06say something so I can check your level I was sure I was gonna be a fucking loser me too you're good
08:11thanks sir your one eyelid droops a little bit though I don't fucking care I'm going on TV with Wayne
08:15Gretzky what Wayne Gretzky are we just saying words again or am I going to get some actual
08:23he's not coming he cancelled for what because he's a fucking asshole am no he's a fucking asshole
08:34he said he'd be here he said he'd do this so where is he not here not doing this I told my bosses I got
08:40Wayne Gretzky I told my husband I told my friends it's the first time my kids have thought I was cool
08:45ever it's not his fault aren't you angry disappointed we brought you in all the way
08:51from Sudbury told you you were going on TV with your hero now it's off none of it's happening
08:56I think that warrants a little bit of irritability what do you think
08:59I think
09:06Gretzky to Lemieux for the win
09:10sorry
09:13I think 50 goals in 39 games 163 assists in a single season
09:19are we just saying words or am I going to get some real information here
09:22I think Wayne Gretzky even planning on coming here today is still the greatest thing that's ever
09:27happened to me you're fucking with me right like the guy's been carrying the sport of hockey on his
09:31back for 50 years give him a break he's fucking with me gotta think a sports icon global celebrity and
09:37hockey god is a pretty full card he's not fucking with you Wayne Gretzky has been a superstar since
09:43he was 10 scored 400 goals as a grade schooler and became a media sensation look what other child
09:49stars are doing right now lucky doesn't have a needle in his arm yeah being called the great
09:52one since fourth grade might have produced a slightly different reality for him than our own
09:56now what's he been doing instead serving up legendary moments for our country on a regular
10:01basis while remaining quiet humble and thankful the most Canadian things four Canada Cups a World Cup an
10:08Olympic hockey gold he's an executive for the gold medal not a player not to mention four Stanley Cups
10:13in a Canadian city I haven't seen one of those up here in a few decades have we see a playoff game
10:17in Edmonton before you die trust me that's a city with an identity the city of champions because of 99
10:23honorable mention to Messier coffee all right oh my god here shut the fuck up Mike are you done
10:29shorty not even close sports bring this country together think about all the times we packed the bars and
10:36then packed the streets because Gretzky had a goal and three assists Gretzky to Lemieux Gretzky to Messier
10:41Gretzky with the hat trick Gretzky does it again yeah we're standing here with our dicks in our hand
10:46because this guy doesn't show up and you're not even a little bit pissed off why because the hockey
10:51world looks out for each other you think we're just saying it what do you want to do with the
11:01segment Shorzy's got all the answers I've never been more ready in my life oh come on they just
11:08found out the league is folding and that they won't be playing hockey this year thank God the strip
11:11clubs open and now you want us to tell them to go get their shit out too why prolong it all on a
11:16Sudbury Saturday night not that's cunty even by my standards I'll do it we got you I need a drink
11:22she's a dink I said drink although she'll figure something out always does go easy on her in the
11:33meantime sorry says her fucking wheelbarrow right now really you think NHL Twitter accounts are the
11:39biggest problem with today's game you asked for an example so I gave you one well in fairness Twitter
11:44may be the biggest problem with the world today and I didn't say it was the biggest problem I just
11:47said it was annoying okay what's the biggest problem and don't say the crackdown on fighting
11:52crackdown on fighting that's old news it's a crackdown on hitting on hitting yeah next you won't be able
11:56to take slap shots you heard it here first and a big big problem is diving how are they cracking down
12:03on hitting well look at junior hockey in Canada today actually look at the world junior tournament
12:07every hit is a penalty now it's a new strategy to get hitting out of the game who's they if you hit
12:13you take a penalty if you take a penalty you hurt your team you don't want to hurt your team
12:16so you don't hit got us playing the European game now careful no no no no there's lots of
12:22tough euros there's lots of euros that hit it's just the European game was always about speed and
12:28finesse the North American game was about size and grit traditionally sure like a massive part of the
12:34success of Canada and U.S. hockey and the international stage has been the hitting the physicality the
12:40guarantee that if you play us we will hurt you okay take it easy with the new rule changes and the
12:45crackdown on hitting they got us playing the European game now and how do we stack up against
12:49the Europeans at the European game well surprise surprise they're better at it than we are what
12:54do you expect they took away our tools I see Keith Primo Keith Kachuk Billy Guerin Brendan Shanahan
13:01Darian Hatcher Scott Steven yes Captain Crunch these guys are world-class hockey players and these guys will
13:06fuck you up Eric Lendros the new rules cut the nuts off players like that now that's the biggest problem
13:13with hockey today the North American game is dying anyone doing a dump run this weekend throw Mike's shirt in
13:24there fuck you Shorzy Shorzy Shorzy I'm glad I caught you before you left better say something hey I'm so sorry I had some family stuff come up we had our seventh grandchild I really had planned on coming up there I hope that's all right
13:44sir you could close an elevator door repeatedly on my nuts and it'd be all right honestly I was really
13:51looking forward to working with you me you're not gonna believe this but my sons and I we watched the
13:56Burberry Bulldogs in the National Senior Tournament you watch the Bulldogs it was really good competitive
14:02hockey I really enjoyed the game you guys are gonna give me something to watch again this year right
14:08you bet hey I heard what you said about the needle in the arm because I was just about the death of the
14:17North American game sure the style of play might be going but that style of player ain't going anywhere
14:22you know some guys you put a hockey stick in their hand and they become a completely different person
14:26they can't help it they're just born that way the Canadian game is not dead oh and Janet wanted me to
14:33tell you if you want a future in television you should think about a trip to Turkey I will see you later
14:40and good luck shall I get you booked on Turkish air see if they can do something about your face too
14:52Mike shut the fuck up
15:03I can't stay alive without your love oh baby don't leave me this way no
15:10I can't survive I can't stay alive without your love oh baby don't leave me this way no
15:28I can't exist I'll surely miss your tender kiss don't leave me this way no
15:34I can't exist I'll surely miss your tender kiss don't leave me this way no
15:45baby my heart is full of love and desire for you now come on down and do what you gotta do you started this fire
15:47My heart is full of love and desire for you
15:52Now come on down and do what you gotta do
15:55You started this fire down in my soul
16:00Now can't you see it's burning
16:02Out of control
16:04The coast has fire that needed me
16:08Cause only your good lovin' can set me free
16:11Set me free
16:12Don't you leave me this way
16:16Hey guys, this is my friend Lloyd
16:18What's up buddy, what's going on?
16:19He plays for the Sudbury 5
16:21Who?
16:22Basketball team
16:23Just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear about you guys folding
16:25We didn't fold
16:26You look devastated
16:27Pardon?
16:28Nothing
16:29And thanks for giving us your room, we'll take good care of it
16:30We didn't give it to you
16:31I'm sorry, it's loud in here, can you say that again?
16:33I said we didn't give it to you, bud
16:35Didn't you say bye?
16:36Making fun of you, Hitch
16:37No
16:38You talk like an idiot
16:39How's what I tell I expect?
16:41We usually just make fun of you behind your back
16:43But Big Nuts here bringing it right to your door
16:45Again, thank you and sorry
16:46That Canadian contest, you win
16:48Where can I learn to talk as good as what you do?
16:50Settle down
16:51Doesn't matter how you talk
16:52You're still gonna look like an idiot
16:54Who's team you on, old man?
16:55No team
16:56We don't have a team
16:57That's why Big Nuts and his boys here get our room
16:59Have a good night, man
17:00Hey, how big are your feet?
17:02What?
17:03How big are they?
17:04Shut up, Jersey
17:05They'll never fill our shoes
17:06No
17:07Let's go
17:08You wouldn't take our room if we weren't playing?
17:09Yes sir, Rick, we takes what we want
17:10If it was your room, I'd walk up and ask
17:12Wouldn't you show up to the bar saying thanks, sorry?
17:14No respect
17:15Desk earned
17:16What have you won?
17:17And hey, I left some championship pedigree for you in the toilet far right
17:22Yeah, whatever, bro
17:23Outstanding North American run by this team of European all-stars known as simply the EU
17:34They're undefeated through seven contests against NHL farm teams, no less
17:39With one game remaining against Edmonton
17:41I mean, I'm just gonna come right out and say it
17:44These guys are beating the crap out of every
17:46Good
17:55Got the right house
17:57What's your name?
17:58John
17:59Come on
18:16Don't tell me I'm wrong
18:20Don't tell me I'm wrong
18:23Cause I've been watching every move that you make
18:29Hearts you steal
18:33When you're made up in heels
18:36Trouble for the man that you play
18:41Every time you walk in the room
18:46What are you doing over here by yourself?
18:47Huh?
18:48What are you doing over here by yourself like
18:49No I'm not
18:50Yes, you are
18:51You're over here waiting for everybody else
18:52Shut the fuck up, you idiot
18:54What's your problem?
18:55What?
18:56What?
18:57You
18:58Well, I know that look
18:59What look?
19:00You're looking to scissor
19:01You do know that look
19:02Yup, you're looking to scissor
19:03This is our barstool right now
19:04Oh, it's crazy
19:08See
19:11So many people who say
19:14What are you going to do?
19:15I just told you
19:16I'd scissor fucking hole tree right now
19:17No
19:18You got nothing
19:19Like without hockey
19:24I don't know
19:25A shining star
19:27No way
19:28Don't worry
19:29What you're leaving behind
19:32Every time
19:35Oh, if this is it
19:36You better dance
19:38No
19:39Yup, better dance
19:40I'm going to ruin my odds
19:41With one of these parades
19:42Oh, your face is going to do that
19:43Fun
19:44Come on, we're dancing
19:45Let's go
19:46No, we're not dancing
19:47Come on, we're going to dance
19:48Get up
19:49My crotch goes nowhere near your crotch
19:50Well then fucking jump on my back
19:51No
19:52Come on
19:53Put your fucking gear down
19:54Get on my back
19:55Oh, it's great
19:56Oh, it's great
19:57Oh, it's great
19:58Oh, it's great
19:59Analysis on the EU all-star team's reign of terror against pro North American squads will bring in TSN's director of scouting, Craig Button, but first we take you to this juicy post-game statement from EU coach.
20:16Tempo Maki
20:17Tempo Maki
20:18Tempo Maki
20:19We are all aware of the narrative here surrounding European hockey players. Too soft, no grit, too pretty. Maybe at one point, sure. But North American players are not at the level they once were. Our record here proves that they are not at the level they once were.
20:31Our record here proves that the players here are overvalued. Those are strong words, Peppo. That's what you're going with? Overvalued? Overrated.
20:56We're now joined by Craig Button. Craig, what do we even say about this?
21:00Thank God it's almost over.
21:02Thank God it's almost over.
21:03Yo, this is so.
21:04Jay, there's a brand of hockey we used to play over here that's gone by the wayside for one reason or another. The Dion Phaneufs and the Jordan Tutus used to give you two options. Run your head through the end boards or take it off in the middle of the open ice.
21:17Yes, very true. For whatever reason, that brand of hockey has fallen by the wayside.
21:22What do you have, boys?
21:23Well, guess what? This team of European all-stars picked it up again. And frankly, they're playing it better than we ever played it over here. I really can't believe what I'm watching. I mean, the average height of this team is six foot five. You're six foot five.
21:36Yes, six foot five. That is the average height of this team. They're unstoppable. Unbeaten through seven games with one to go. This was nothing short of embarrassing. There's been no answer to the EU's physicality. No response to this bullying. This was just a real drubbing if I've ever seen it.
21:52That's a great word. Drubbing. It's appropriate. Okay, let's play a quick game. Words I use to describe the EU's North American swing against Canada and the U.S.'s finest players not in the NHL.
22:03A thumping. Thrashing. A walloping. Merciless beating. Shellacking. Jay, I can't go on any further without drifting into all kinds of professions. I'll remind you, this is a family-friendly program, Craig Button. This is a family-friendly program, people!
22:19Hold joking aside. This EU team is too big. They're too fast. They're unbeatable. Unbeatable, eh? Verified. Validated. Confirmed.
22:30And that dates away. We'll see you early on here. Let's play it back.
22:31We'll see you later!
22:32It came back.
22:33We'll see you later.
22:34We'll see you later on!
22:35Come back together.
22:36We'll see you later!
22:41We're back!
22:43It came back.
22:45We'll see you later!
22:50You earlier, it was like TV.
22:53We were up here.
22:55You semble.
22:56Yeah, baby, I am.
23:26Yeah, baby, I am.
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