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Short filmTranscript
00:00This video is brought to you by S.T.A.L.A.
00:30You can see the bay.
00:42As you know, the human race grew up alongside glaciers during the ice ages.
00:48The cold stimulates ancient nerves.
00:51Makes you feel a primal connection to the world.
00:55We use over 300 tons of ice to create the hotel.
00:58And guests are surprised to know how much snow.
01:02Over 10,000 tons.
01:04Wow, that's a lot.
01:06Luckily, Norway has plenty of snow and ice.
01:11These blocks were created by carefully smoothing the ice on our river as it freezes.
01:18Then harvesting it for storage in a nearby cave.
01:23Everything you see melts in summer.
01:25And we have different artists and artisans help us build again each year.
01:30So every stay is truly once in a lifetime.
01:34And here we have your room.
01:40The Koi Suite.
01:41Wow.
01:48Oh, it's frisk.
01:50Our guest suites are slightly warmer than the rest of the hotel.
01:54About three degrees below zero.
01:56Not too, too cold.
01:59It's quite invigorating when you're used to it.
02:01As we say, you will feel some plummen i egge.
02:07Like a yoke in an egg.
02:09Okay, that's adorable.
02:10Some plummen i eggen?
02:13That's very good.
02:15These fish were hand-carved by famous Norwegian ice sculptor Anna Skjegstad-Rud.
02:21He won the Boreal Forest Prize at the Harbin ice sculpting competition last year.
02:25Beautiful.
02:25Isn't that beautiful?
02:26The bed is made of ice?
02:28Yes, isn't that charming?
02:29And I highly recommend trying our complimentary house brandy.
02:33The bed is made of ice.
02:34It is distilled locally from ice wine.
02:36And I assure you, it is quite special.
02:39Ice.
02:40Helen.
02:41We are sleeping on an ice bed.
02:43I could have saved that hundred grand and frozen my eggs right here.
02:46Jokes and all.
02:47Now, one more thing.
02:48Your bathrooms are around the corner in the hall to your left.
02:52And if you keep going in that direction, you get to our hot tub deck, which is always open.
02:57As I'm sure you've noticed, the sky is quite wonderful this time of year.
03:01Anything else you need, please do not hesitate to let me know.
03:05Thank you, Bjorn.
03:07Oh, thank you very much.
03:09I hope you both have an enjoyable stay.
03:11Good night?
03:13Excellent.
03:14Good night today also.
03:15Okay.
03:15This is amazing.
03:27How did I not realize that the bed would be made of ice?
03:31We just flew 16 hours to get frozen like Walt Disney.
03:34Walt Disney wasn't frozen.
03:35That's a myth.
03:36And look at this place.
03:37It was worth the trip.
03:41I mean, do we absolutely have to go every wacky place Rick Steves recommends?
03:45I mean, would it be so bad to stay somewhere that's not an experience but just a really nice hotel?
03:52Can't it be both?
03:54Doesn't it feel kind of nice?
03:56My skin feels so awake.
03:59Oh my God, seriously?
04:01Who knew?
04:04Hela's in Norway.
04:05Oh, come on.
04:06This is completely your bag.
04:07You love feeling bad.
04:11What are you doing over there?
04:15Looking for your cell phone.
04:17The Val should have numbers by now.
04:18Oh, I already talked about the airport.
04:20Come over here.
04:21Get under these blankets.
04:22You talked about?
04:24What'd she say?
04:25It's on the list.
04:31Congratulations.
04:33Good.
04:34Great.
04:35Yeah.
04:35Now come over here.
04:36Have some brandy.
04:37It's so good.
04:39Where on the list?
04:40Oh, stop it.
04:42It's a bestseller.
04:43I know.
04:43I'm just curious where.
04:45Top 20.
04:47Top 20?
04:48Yeah.
04:49But like closer to 11 or closer to 20?
04:52You're impossible.
04:53You're the most impossible bestselling author I know.
04:58Come over here.
04:59Why?
05:00Just come here.
05:02Look at this.
05:05That is amazing.
05:10Oh God, I always wanted to see it.
05:13One time in Canada I came close, but this is so much better than I ever imagined.
05:20Kind of looks like a screensaver.
05:21Oh yeah.
05:21Stop, stop, stop.
05:23Sit.
05:26There you go.
05:28There.
05:29Isn't that warmer?
05:31Warmer than what?
05:34You can almost hear it, can't you?
05:40Oh, it's turning purple.
05:41Oh, look at that.
05:49Guess what?
05:51Sitting on a block of ice makes you feel like you have to pee.
05:54Okay, so pee.
05:56Yeah, but is the toilet going to be made out of ice?
05:59What if I stick to it?
05:59Here, don't pee, but shh.
06:01Okay, so pee, then...
06:20I'm sorry.
06:22I'm sorry.
06:52Uh, this is your captain speaking.
07:04Fingers crossed, hopefully we've seen the last of that rough air.
07:07Should be smooth sailing for a while.
07:09So we're gonna go ahead and turn off that fasten seatbelt sign.
07:14Feel free to move about the cabin, Carol.
07:22May we get you anything?
07:45Nope.
07:47Uh, who's flying today?
07:49Carol.
07:49On the flight deck is Captain John McConnell.
07:52And also, First Officer Tom Deacon.
07:54These individuals have a combined 51,619 hours of flight time.
07:59And between the two of them, they've piloted every variant of this capable and trustworthy Airbus A330 aircraft.
08:05You're in good hands.
08:09That's weirder than the gal from TGI Fridays.
08:11You doing this because she freaked me out?
08:13Uh, that's an affirmative, Carol.
08:15Please stop that.
08:17It's much more spacious up in first class.
08:20Sure you want to be more comfortable there?
08:21It has lie-flat seats.
08:23You could get some rest.
08:25I'm fine where I'm at.
08:28Back in Spain, that was all the English speakers, right?
08:52Anyone with conversational ability, yes.
08:54Tell me about the non-English speakers.
08:56Certainly.
08:57What would you like to know?
08:58Anything.
08:59Everything.
09:01Well, let's see.
09:02There's Bora Kolak, a 60-year-old candy vendor in Istanbul.
09:05He speaks Turkish and loves cats.
09:08In Bali, there's Ida Udui, 23, speaks Indonesian Balinese.
09:12She's a contortionist and a dancer, performs the barong, the lagong, jibog.
09:18It's all quite exquisite.
09:19I'm sure.
09:19Keep going.
09:20Sidora Melis in Sardinia is a fisherman.
09:23Or he was, but he's 89 and retired.
09:27There's Mary Cook Siacintola, lives in Masaru Lesotho.
09:30What does she do?
09:32Her family raises Basato ponies, but she's only eight years old.
09:35She hasn't decided on the profession.
09:37Next.
09:39Abdul Karim Al-Shari lives in Aden, Yemen.
09:41He's a 37-year-old muezzin.
09:44Muezzin, that's a...
09:45What is that?
09:47He sings a call to prayer.
09:49He has a powerful tenor voice.
09:51He also loves cats.
09:52Okay.
09:56But are there any medical doctors, any scientists or an expert of some kind?
10:02Oh, yes.
10:03According to Time Out magazine, Takeoki Tanaka Nosaka makes the best Udo noodles in the entire Keihan Shin.
10:09That's not what I meant.
10:10Nope.
10:12All right, that makes what?
10:15Six.
10:16So you didn't say anything about the guy from, uh...
10:20Where was it?
10:21Uh, Paraguay.
10:22What about him?
10:23Uh, his name is Manucio Zoviedo.
10:25We weren't aware of him for the first 33 hours.
10:28He manages a self-storage facility in Asuncion.
10:31So far, he hasn't really communicated with us.
10:36Ha.
10:38I want to talk to him.
10:39He only speaks Spanish and a bit of Guarani.
10:42Do you want us to translate for you?
10:44No.
10:45I'll manage.
10:48First thing, once I get home.
10:49We could try him right now, if you like.
11:09He's been a bit reluctant to get in contact.
11:10Try it again.
11:29Uh, hola, senor?
11:52I think we got, uh, cut off or something.
11:59Try it again.
12:00Hola, yo soy Carol Sturka.
12:20Uh, estoy de los...
12:21United States.
12:22Get him back.
12:34Get him back.
12:35Get him back.
12:35We're sorry, Carol.
12:57We don't think it was personal.
12:59No.
12:59I don't know.
13:29Hi Carol. Really, please let us know if there's a… Carol, one second. We have something
13:42for you. We gathered all the mail that was in transit for you. We think you're really
13:56going to like what's in the box. Anything else we can do for you, just let us know.
14:56Let's go.
15:26Hi, Carol.
15:50What can we do for you?
15:51What exactly do you know about what's in this box in my mail?
15:55Helen ordered it for you.
15:57You'd been so stressed out on the tour.
15:59You tried one in the Atlanta airport, but you said it was too expensive, so Helen bought
16:05one online.
16:06Did she?
16:07She thought it would make a nice gift to celebrate the end of the tour.
16:11Homecoming present.
16:16Carol?
16:17Okay, here's what's going to happen.
16:23You're going to forget everything you know about Helen.
16:26Every memory, every thought she ever had.
16:29Get her out of your head.
16:31Heads.
16:31Carol, we apologize.
16:33Never mention her again.
16:34Never think about her again.
16:36Only I get to remember her.
16:38You got that?
16:38Only me.
16:39Then how come you know he was a big dummy?
16:58Well, there were already three other people in town.
17:01But that's beside the point.
17:05One day, I got up the courage to go up to mean old lady Hickenlooper and ask her why she
17:10always frowned.
17:12Well, she had been born with no smiling muscles.
17:17I pointed out that a frown is just a smile turned upside down.
17:23So from then on, whenever I'd go by, she'd stand on her head and wave.
17:42What the hell?
18:12Good morning, Carol.
18:36What's with the food?
18:37It's the exact meal you had at that B&B you stayed at in Provincetown.
18:432012?
18:44Remember?
18:44You were there to see the Enduga girls.
18:46You were very complimentary of the chef that morning.
18:49It really stuck with her.
18:51The sorghum flour and the pancake...
18:52So you took it upon yourself to make me breakfast?
18:56Well, we knew your fridge was pretty bare.
18:58You've only got tonic water, half a carton of oat milk, a jar of green olives, a jar of
19:03black olives, a jar of red olives...
19:05I told you Helen was off limits.
19:07Yes, of course, Carol.
19:08So, how the...
19:09How do you know what is in my fridge?
19:13Teresa from Mary Maids.
19:15You had them clean up just before you got home from the book tour.
19:19Is the food not to your liking?
19:21Would you like us to make you something else instead?
19:23Nope.
19:27I want you to leave me alone.
19:29Shows what you know, fuckers.
19:49It's three quarters of a carton.
19:51Let's go.
19:58I don't care.
20:03Oh, it's inside.
20:06I don't care.
20:08What the fuck?
20:38What happened to my sprouts?
21:01Are you the grinch who steals supermarkets?
21:03So sorry. We're consolidating resources to centralize useful items for distribution.
21:09Food, medicine, anything helpful from stores or businesses or what used to be private homes.
21:15It's just more efficient.
21:17Fine. Fine. I get it.
21:20Is there something specific you need? We can deliver to you anytime, anywhere.
21:24I am not going to call you every time I need something. I don't want you waiting on me.
21:30I am a very independent person, okay? I always have been. I fend for myself. I just want my sprouts back.
21:39Absolutely. Will do.
21:42Okay. Great. So, what? Um, can we say Friday? Maybe? I just need a rough estimate of when I should come back.
21:57We'll be there in a moment.
22:27Let's witch.
22:285
22:29You troubled us, quickly.
22:30Logan.
22:32Go!
22:33We'll let you camp.
22:34Oops!
22:35Let's go.
22:36Woman.
22:37All right.
22:38Let's get off.
22:39Let's take the kids.
22:40Oh.
22:40Willie.
22:41Okay.
22:42Alright.
22:42Let's go.
22:44Okay.
22:45Let's go.
22:45× erase me.
22:48Let's rush project.
22:49No, watching this thing.
22:50Let's go away from the world.
22:52Let's finish this thing.
22:54Let's go.
22:54Let's go.
22:55Forest.
23:56Carol, may we sneak past you here?
24:56All set, Carol.
25:11Call us if there's something you want that's not here.
25:13We'll get it.
26:14I don't know why I raised my hand.
26:23Damn it.
26:28I don't know why I raised my hand.
26:37You have got to be fucking kidding me.
27:02Why are you turning off the lights?
27:11Why are you turning off the lights?
27:24Yes, we know.
27:25It was a mistake.
27:27We had a little problem isolating your branch circuit.
27:29But they're back on now, right?
27:31The lights at your house?
27:33Why are you turning them off?
27:34Why are you turning them off everywhere else?
27:35For conservation.
27:36For conservation.
27:37Just the ones that aren't necessary, which are, well, most of them.
27:40What, lights aren't necessary for you guys?
27:42You just see in the dark?
27:43Oh, no.
27:44Oh, no.
27:45Not at all.
27:46It's just that there's no crime to prevent.
27:47And we're not working at night.
27:48Except for essential operations.
27:50Water treatment, hospitals, things like that.
27:52Right.
27:53So it's more of your efficiency.
27:54Yes.
27:55You donated twice to the Sierra Club, so we felt you'd understand.
27:59If you'd like, we'd be happy to restore the rest of the lights.
28:02No.
28:03Screw it.
28:04Leave them off.
28:05Who gives a shit?
28:06Carol, is there anything we can do to cheer you up?
28:08Cheer me up?
28:09Why?
28:10I'm fine.
28:11I'm so happy.
28:13There is nothing wrong with me that a fucking hand grenade wouldn't fix.
28:16You got one of those?
28:17Because I think that would be the perfect topper for the greatest week in human history.
28:22You're watching normal, just waiting.
28:23Yeah.
28:44Fuck it.
28:52It must be just been there.
29:22The excitement of the moment, but they said the only way to prevent the eruption was for me to crawl through their legs up the volcano while they gave me my birthday wax.
29:34Well, and you're not going to believe this.
29:52I'm not going to believe this.
29:59Yeah?
30:00Hi. Sorry it took so long.
30:15A hand grenade?
30:20Yes. We thought you were probably being sarcastic, but we didn't want to take the chance.
30:28Were you being sarcastic?
30:29Right. Of course you were.
30:36Do you want us to take...
30:38You know what? We're just gonna...
30:40We'll get rid of it.
30:45Feel better, Carol.
30:46Hey. Do you maniacs drink?
30:55It's okay.
30:57You can bring the hand grenade.
30:59Does the whole world get drunk when you drink?
31:17Like, does some six-year-old in Sri Lanka slur his words when you knock one back?
31:22No. It doesn't work like that.
31:24Hmm. How do you say cheers in Sanskrit?
31:28Shiba must do.
31:29Roughly, it means may everyone be blessed.
31:33Well done.
31:34Shoo...
31:35Shoo...
31:36Shoopy shoop shoop.
31:46You know the word vodka is a diminutive of voda, meaning water?
31:49Very similar to the Latin aqua wittai, literally water of life.
31:55That becomes a Scandinavian aquavit.
31:58Although the drinks are very different.
32:01Fun fact.
32:02Whiskey has the same root meaning in Scots Gaelic from Wishka Baha.
32:07You don't say.
32:11What gives this particular brand its distinctive smoothness,
32:15it's distilled from both potato and corn.
32:19It is slightly alkaline.
32:20Do you taste that?
32:22Lower shelf alcohol tends to be acidic.
32:25The chief distiller learned the process from his grandfather.
32:27And now you learned it by stealing it out of his brain.
32:36How long do I have left before you turn me into a worker bee?
32:39It's a hard thing to predict.
32:45Scientific advances tend to ebb and flow.
32:47That's not an answer.
32:48How long?
32:51We're working around the clock.
32:53It could be as soon as a couple weeks.
32:55Or it could take months.
32:57Or longer.
32:59That's quite the range for someone who knows everything that there is to know.
33:04Well, regardless, sooner or later, I'm fucked.
33:12Sorry, Carol.
33:13We have a biological imperative.
33:16You people make no goddamn sense.
33:19Do you know that?
33:20We want to make you happy, you say.
33:23Your life is your own, you say.
33:26An agency.
33:26I've got all this agency.
33:29But, I mean, I guess I have agency just until I don't?
33:36Carol.
33:38If you were walking by a lake and you saw somebody drowning,
33:42would you throw him a life preserver?
33:44Of course you would.
33:46You wouldn't think.
33:47You wouldn't wait.
33:48You wouldn't try to get consensus on it.
33:50You'd just throw it.
33:54So now I'm drowning?
33:56You just don't know it.
34:02Well, you people are brainwashed, is what you are.
34:08I mean, what could possibly be so great about this mind meld of yours?
34:14Actually, let me guess.
34:17It's all beautiful scenery.
34:19And you feel nothing but contentment.
34:21Just wave after wave of bliss and peace and everything is perfect.
34:28It's like living inside a postcard every second of every day.
34:34Basically, it's every Rick Steves special ever, right?
34:37That kind of bullshit.
34:38Like you're taking a hike in the woods and there's a warm rain and the trees are so tall.
34:45You can't even see the tops.
34:47Or you're having coffee on the canals in Amsterdam and it's like you're in a coffee commercial.
34:54Or you're taking a walk at sunset on the most flawless beach in Croatia.
35:00Or you're in Norway above the Arctic Circle.
35:03I told you that Helen was off limits.
35:27You are a bunch of mindfuckers.
35:53Wow, you've got this thing really jammed in there, don't you?
35:57Please, be careful with that.
36:00Right, Link, you would give me a real hand grenade.
36:05Carol, if we may.
36:27You gave me...
36:45You gave me...
36:46Oh, shit.
36:56Oh, fuck.
36:57Oh, fuck.
37:08Shit.
37:09Okay, I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:12It's okay, Carol.
37:15Elvis, come on.
37:20Oh, shit.
37:22Oh, shit.
37:23Oh, shit.
37:24Oh, shit.
37:25Oh, shit.
37:26Oh, shit.
37:27Oh, shit.
37:28Oh, shit.
37:29Oh, shit.
37:31Oh, shit.
37:32Oh, shit.
37:33Oh, shit.
37:34Oh, shit.
37:35Oh, shit.
37:36Oh, shit.
37:37Oh, shit.
37:38Oh, shit.
37:39Oh, shit.
37:40Oh, shit.
37:41Oh, shit.
37:42Oh, shit.
37:43Oh, shit.
37:44Oh, shit.
37:45Oh, shit.
37:46Oh, shit.
37:47Oh, shit.
37:48Oh, shit.
37:49Oh, shit.
37:50May we join you?
38:15We're happy to say Xosha's doing much better.
38:18There was some blood loss, but no real nerve damage.
38:22She did get a pretty severe concussion that we're going to want to keep an eye on.
38:26She's resting now.
38:29Can we get you a fresh change of clothes?
38:35Carol, your quick thinking really saved the day.
38:42Why would you give me a hand grenade?
38:46You asked for one.
38:48Why not give me a fake one?
38:52Oh, sorry if we got that wrong, Carol.
38:59If I asked right now, would you give me another hand grenade?
39:03Yes.
39:05Even after last night, you would give me another?
39:07Oh, sure.
39:08Okay, what about a bazooka?
39:14And the thing a bazooka shoots a rocket or whatever?
39:19Yes.
39:21All right.
39:23All right.
39:25What about...
39:27I don't know.
39:29A tank.
39:30What about an atom bomb?
39:42Why would you want one?
39:44To blow shit up?
39:45For kicks?
39:46I mean, does it matter?
39:47You gave me a grenade, for fuck's sake.
39:49It'd be okay to say no at this point.
40:01That would be sane.
40:02Not utterly batshit crazy.
40:05If you truly wanted a nuclear weapon, we would weigh the pros and cons with you.
40:17We would explain that it would be very destructive.
40:20Yes or no?
40:21Ultimately, yes.
40:29Wouldn't necessarily feel good about it.
40:32But we would move heaven and earth to make you happy, Carol.
40:41Would you like an atom bomb?
40:46I'm gonna have to get back to you on that.
40:51I'm gonna have to get back to you on that.
40:52I'm gonna have to get back to you on that.
40:53I'm gonna have to get back to you on that.
40:54Okay.
40:55Okay.
40:56Okay.
40:57Oh, would you like a cup of coffee?
40:58One sugar with oat milk, right?
41:00And maybe a pinch or...
41:01You can go.
41:02You can go.
41:21quite much, you can go.
41:22Bye.
41:23Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
41:28Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
41:31Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.
41:40Thy glass will show —
41:42think how the beauty's fair.
41:47Thy duh o'er howl
41:51Thou precious minute's waste
41:55Thys vacant leaves
41:59Thy mind's imprint will bear
42:03And oh this boo-hoo
42:07This cloudy mace thou taste
42:21Thysè²», thys?
42:45Thysè²», thys?
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