- 29 minutes ago
S07 E00 Christmas Special 2025
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00:00I'm just thinking, should we get the Christmas tree down while I'm up here?
00:04Yes, all right. I suppose we could.
00:06Right, I'll pass it down to you. Ready?
00:08Give me a minute!
00:13Just wash yourself with it.
00:14Yes, all right, Eric. I'm not totally useless.
00:24Everything okay?
00:25Yep, all fine.
00:30Do you know what's up?
00:44Do you not think it's a bit early to put it up?
00:47I mean, it's not even December yet.
00:48It's fine. Who's got to notice?
00:56Christine!
00:56That's me definitely going.
00:58Going where?
00:59To Ireland? For God's sake, Beth, do you not listen to a thing I tell you?
01:04Of course I do. We're in the middle of a big clear art and I'm just a wee bit busy.
01:08Right, OK. I'll come in and I'll talk you through the arrangements, but I cannot stay long.
01:15Right.
01:18You bring your Christmas tree up. It's a bit early, is it, no?
01:24Yes, well, we were up in the loft anyway, so we just thought we might as well.
01:28Oh, you see, I always follow what the church does, and they put it up twelve days before.
01:34No, you're thinking a twelfth night. That's when you take it down.
01:38Yes, a church puts theirs up on the first Sunday of December.
01:42Do they? Well, that's awful early.
01:45I think I'll have to have a word with Father Haggerty about that.
01:49I don't think it was ever up that early on Father Kowalski's day, but he really was a religious man.
01:56Where is it he is now?
01:57Be in Kew in its hill.
02:00But I don't think I'll bother putting up a tree this year, what with me not being here.
02:04What's this?
02:05I'm going to visit my cousin Dervla in Ireland for Christmas, Eric.
02:09Oh, it's fantastic, Christine. It's so nice that they made contact with you.
02:13Oh, I know, Beth.
02:14And to think if Dervla hadn't sent that saliva sample off to Ancestry.com, we might never have known that we were related.
02:23Imagine if she'd had a dry mouth that day.
02:29And whereabouts are they?
02:30County Galway, Eric.
02:32Oh.
02:32I get the train to Stronra, a ferry to Larn, a bus into Belfast and then coach down to Galway.
02:40Oh, bet you'd trek that.
02:42So, will it be Dervla's whole family?
02:44Oh, yes.
02:45Her husband Owen, now he's got his own plumbing business, so I will be looking forward to her bath.
02:52That's definitely on the list.
02:54And then there's her twin girls, Maeve and Aoife.
02:57Oh, it'll be nice to meet them, because they're actually my, what is it, my first cousins?
03:04No, no, no. Second.
03:06Oh, aye. I'm forgetting they're twins.
03:09Well, you'll have a great time, I'm sure.
03:12Oh, I hope so, Eric. I must say I'm looking forward to it.
03:16Although it will be strange not being at home on Christmas Day.
03:20I know you're always keen to have me in here, Beth, so I do feel a bit guilty that I might be letting you down.
03:29Are you sure you're OK with me going?
03:32You're all right.
03:32You'll be fine.
03:33Well, I think it's time we get down to discussing what bag I'm taking, eh?
03:37Ah, well, the thing is, Christine...
03:39Oh, who's this interrupting us?
03:46I don't know what the...
03:47That's not you get your Christmas tree up already, is it, Beth?
03:52Beth?
03:52Well, I...
03:53It's a bit early, is it, no?
03:55Well, we were up in the loft.
03:56Do you know, just let her do it, Con.
03:58It'll brighten up that dingy front room.
04:00I suppose so.
04:01It's OK, Beth, that's fine.
04:03If I give you something to look forward to, that's OK.
04:06Should we go in and see it?
04:07She'll be put out if we don't. Do you know what she's like?
04:10Right.
04:11We'll just come in for a minute and see it, Beth.
04:13Apparently, the cooked breakfasts on board the Stenna line are excellent, huh?
04:23Irene up the high flats told me they serve a black pudding
04:27that is technically illegal on dry land.
04:31Ah, here he is.
04:32Wee elf here helping you pin your tree up, Beth.
04:35He's far too big for an elf, Colin.
04:38And there's Christine.
04:40How you doing?
04:41Oh, not bad, Colin.
04:43That is me all booked up for Ireland for Christmas.
04:46You're going to Ireland for Christmas, are you?
04:49Oh, yes.
04:49I'm staying with my cousin Dervla in Galway.
04:52Oh, that's nice.
04:54You're not going to be here, Christine.
04:56You'll be having a bit of the black stuff over there, eh?
04:59Remember, we went to the Guinness factory when we were in Dublin, Kath.
05:02Oh, God, that place.
05:03Oh, I will not be going back there.
05:05Oh, why not?
05:06Only serve as fucking Guinness.
05:08So, is this you getting off set for Christmas, then?
05:11What's the plans?
05:12Oh, well, nothing special.
05:14It's just the two of us, so just, you know, traditional.
05:18Traditional?
05:19Well, you've not made a very good start putting your tree up this fucking early.
05:23And what about you two?
05:24Do you know what you're doing?
05:25We're going to that same hotel again on Christmas Day, because we quite like it, don't we?
05:30It's really festive how they decorate it all.
05:32And you get steak instead of turkey, a cocktail instead of Christmas pudding, and there's a massive smoking section out by the nativity.
05:40The problem we've got is we don't know what presents to get.
05:43Well, I'm fine just with money.
05:46No, I mean, for each other.
05:48Yeah, we're not getting you anything, Eric.
05:50See, we've already got everything, haven't we?
05:53Oh, poor you, right enough.
05:54I always get called in pants for Christmas, but I can't get any more in the drawer.
05:58No.
05:59And you can't exactly take the old ones to the charity shop, can you?
06:02No, they don't take them.
06:04Well, certainly the British Heart Foundation don't.
06:07Though Irene did tell me about a website where there seems to be quite a lot of interest.
06:13We were just going up to the charity shop once we'd finished the tree.
06:17Are you getting yourself something, Beth?
06:19Well, it is finished, really, apart from turning on the lights.
06:22OK, then, let's see the big switch on.
06:25Come on, Eric.
06:26Up off your fat arse.
06:30Here, Beth.
06:31This reminds me of that time we saw Marty Perlow switch on the lights in Clyde Bank.
06:36Do you remember that, Beth?
06:37I do.
06:38I'm not actually sure whether he was on the heroin at that point,
06:42because we were quite far back, you know?
06:44Right.
06:45We all ready?
06:45Aye.
06:46Yeah.
06:46Come on, Eric.
06:49Oh, my God.
06:51Aye, well, you know, you can always stop by the dump as well.
07:05Don't know how much longer I'm going to manage getting in and out of this seat, Alan.
07:08You're about to start getting on the back?
07:10No, I mean, you might need to get a card or get on my insurance or something.
07:14Aye, right, right.
07:15I'm really starting to struggle on the stairs as well.
07:18You may be sure to jump too soon.
07:24Look!
07:25Beth's got her Christmas tree up.
07:27Do you think we should go over and say a wee quick hello and see it?
07:32Nah.
07:33We've got a nice picture of us in front of the Oscar Wilde statue in Dublin, haven't we?
07:38Aye.
07:39Oh, you know, my favourite quote of his is when he was going through customs in America
07:43and he said,
07:45I have nothing to declare but my genius.
07:50Well, I prefer the statue of Morley Malone.
07:53You go up, rubber tits, brings you luck.
07:55Oh, for God's sake.
07:57It did as well.
07:58We went to Temple Bar after that.
08:00We didn't get hassled by one beggar.
08:03Yeah.
08:05I'll go.
08:11Oh, hello, you two.
08:12Or should that be two and a half?
08:15She's some size new in Cherrick.
08:18Train to Stranraer, ferry to land, bus to Belfast, coach to Galway.
08:23My God, I need a flight to Switzerland after that.
08:27That's a proper Irish road trip, that.
08:29It is, Colin.
08:30But, you know, I now feel I've got a really deep connection to Ireland now that I know for sure that I've got Irish blood in me.
08:38If you're going to Galway, would you not be a better friend of Shannon?
08:43Where's that?
08:44Oh, hi, Michelle.
08:46Hi, Alan.
08:47Hi.
08:48Hello, everyone.
08:49Sorry to just appear at your door, Beth.
08:52Don't worry about that.
08:53No one else does.
08:54How are you, Michelle?
08:56Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
08:58Just so tired all the time.
09:00Oh, yeah, you do look really knackered.
09:03Come and sit down, Michelle.
09:05Come on.
09:05Yeah, there we go.
09:08Sit down, yeah.
09:09Who's you, Alan, eh?
09:11Everything all right?
09:12Aye, all right.
09:13Just back for the garage with the van.
09:15Oh, no.
09:16Something wrong with it?
09:17Somebody ran into the back of me, Eric.
09:19Oh, my God, what happened?
09:21Were you eating a sausage roll while you were driving, Alan?
09:24No, I was coming off the motorway to go through the tunnel
09:26and it was a wee jam, so I had to slow right down.
09:29Next thing I know, somebody's ran into the back of me.
09:32They'd be on their phone, no doubt.
09:35Aye.
09:35And see the force of it?
09:36Mine's flew right out of my hand, under the seat.
09:39They took their time fixing it at the garage, didn't they?
09:41Yeah.
09:42Alan was late picking me up from my antenatal class.
09:44Oh, no.
09:45That's fine, Beth.
09:46You can't see the dent at all.
09:49So, anyway, how are you guys doing?
09:51How is Ian?
09:52Oh, he's fine, aye.
09:54He's coming over to have a look through his old stuff
09:56before we junk it.
09:57Are you trying to get rid of every trace of him, Eric?
10:00Have you any baby stuff, Eric?
10:02Because maybe Alan and Michelle might want that.
10:04I remember she used to have them in a lot of brown, Michelle.
10:08Eric, it's fine.
10:09I've ordered loads of stuff already, actually.
10:12You know, the wee baby grows and the jammies
10:15and the wee onesies.
10:17They're just all so cute, aren't they?
10:18Oh, they are, Michelle.
10:21Well, until they soil them.
10:23Have you made any decisions on names, Michelle?
10:26No, because we still can't seem to agree on anything, can we?
10:30But if it's a boy, I like the name Lewis.
10:34Good Scottish name, that.
10:37Don't think it says a bit like Lew's, though, Eric.
10:40And are you definitely sure you don't want to find out
10:43what you're having, Michelle?
10:44I mean, that would make it a bit easier.
10:48No, I just don't want to know.
10:50No, I'm not that interested either, Michelle.
10:54Can I get you a tea or a glass of water or something?
10:56I'd take a water off you if it's not too much trouble, Beth.
10:59What about the rest of us, Beth?
11:01I hear, have you got any mince pies?
11:04A wee cup of tea and a mince pie, that'd be nice.
11:07Well, the thing is...
11:08Why?
11:08A tea and a mince pie?
11:09I wouldn't say no.
11:10What's the season?
11:11I fucking hate mince pies.
11:13Have you got the ones with the brandy in them, Beth?
11:15Well, I'll take one of them, though.
11:17No, you see...
11:18You know, I love the ones with all the cream on the top.
11:20Oh, have you tried them?
11:21Oh, I like the sound of them.
11:23Can you get any of them, Beth?
11:24I haven't got any mince pies.
11:27Aw.
11:29You cannae invite us all in here,
11:31saying it's the start of Christmas
11:33and no very Christmas stuff in for us.
11:35We didn't do that.
11:37You've got your tree up, Eric.
11:38You know, that sends a message.
11:40It's like the swingers with the pampas grass.
11:42Yes, Eric, shut your face.
11:44Is that really a thing, that, the pampas grass?
11:47I thought it was just, like, one of those things folks say.
11:49Oh, no, no, no, no.
11:50There's a couple round the Newbolds that had it
11:52and they were very, very active.
11:55Apparently.
11:56Beth, don't worry about the water, actually.
11:58I'm fine.
11:59Aye, and it makes a baby kick, then she goes on about it.
12:02Don't be daft.
12:03Of course I'll get you a glass of water
12:04and I'm happy to do teas and coffees
12:07for anyone who's wanting.
12:08I just don't have any mince pies.
12:11I mean, we were just clearing out the loft
12:14not declaring that it was officially Christmas.
12:18I mean, I'd like to have the power to do that,
12:20but I'm afraid I don't.
12:21OK?
12:26Beth, you don't even have
12:29a wee tub of celebrations done nothing, no?
12:31A bit early with the tree, are you not?
12:49What, is it just feeling Christmassy?
12:51I wish we'd never bothered, to be honest.
12:53Quality Street is what I used to get
12:59when it was just Sophie and me, you know?
13:02Oh, the green ones were my favourite.
13:04I used to love them.
13:06No, I'm not a bit Sophie.
13:07What ones were hers?
13:08Oh, the other ones.
13:11All right.
13:12Not like you to have a house full.
13:14Aye, son.
13:14How are you, Ian?
13:15How are you, Dad?
13:16How are you, Colin?
13:16How are you, Kathy?
13:17How are you doing, Ian?
13:18Oh, I'm fine.
13:19How are you guys?
13:20Everything OK?
13:21OK.
13:21I'm just feeling...
13:21Not really, Ian.
13:22Somebody went in at the back of my van.
13:24Oh, no.
13:25I know.
13:26I'll just get it back today.
13:27You weren't in it at the time, were you?
13:28No.
13:29Oh, well, could have been worse.
13:30Oh, you're saying that,
13:31but that was two full days it was after a lot.
13:36Anyway, how are you doing, Ian?
13:37How's Gordon?
13:38Aye, he's good.
13:39He's coming over here to meet me after college.
13:41Oh, is he still enjoying it?
13:42Oh, aye, he's loving it.
13:44I'm not loving being the only one earning, no?
13:45Oh.
13:46And you'll be in a very poor wages, is he, Ian?
13:50What did he pack his job in for anyway, Ian?
13:53Oh, basically, he just wasn't happy.
13:55Oh, you see, this is the new thing, isn't it?
13:58You don't like something, you just stop doing it.
14:02Never used to be like that.
14:03No, you just kept going.
14:05That was your lot.
14:06You just had to accept it.
14:08Like you with Eric, Beth.
14:10Right, listen.
14:11You want to look through this stuff from the loft
14:13before we throw it out?
14:14All right, now.
14:14Oh.
14:15Okay, where is it?
14:17I'll go and get it.
14:19So, what are you and Gordon up to for Christmas, then?
14:22Oh, just having a quiet one, to be honest.
14:24We did invite them, but they said no.
14:26Oh, Gordon's got an assignment to do over the holidays.
14:29Sort of taking over everything at the minute.
14:31And what's it on?
14:32That's the thing.
14:32He can't make up his mind.
14:33Do you think he's quite a weak person, Ian?
14:36We get rid of a lot of other stuff, but we weren't sure whether you'd want to keep any
14:41of this.
14:44God, my old laptop.
14:46I remember the year you got me this.
14:49I remember going to Curry's out at Renfrew to get it.
14:52Oh, that is a nice store, that.
14:55Me and Pat went there to get Sophie her Game Boy.
14:58That was a big present that year.
15:00Did you get her one?
15:02No, they were sold out.
15:03So, I just got her a lady shave instead.
15:06And if I remember right, I think Pat got some Hoover bags.
15:11God, I can remember taking the wrapping off it.
15:13Then straight upstairs and on to the porn, eh, Ian?
15:17Ian, gay porn on Christmas Day.
15:20We didn't want to just throw it out.
15:22No, no, no, listen, he could have some good stuff in it, Eric.
15:25Look, I'll take this, but you can get rid of this.
15:27Oh, are you sure?
15:28That hat and scarf set was a present as well.
15:31I don't think you've ever worn them.
15:33Ian.
15:35He was always a very ungrateful wee boy, Michelle.
15:40I remember I gave him a banana once
15:42and he just threw it behind the hut.
15:45You'll need to get your mum something decent for that this year, Ian,
15:48to make up for that.
15:50Just get her a bottle of rosé, Ian.
15:52That's what we do.
15:53She always seems genuinely quite happy.
15:55Sorry, Mum.
15:58I'll take those as well.
15:59Oh, well, if you're sure.
16:01And if you don't like them, maybe Gordon will.
16:03Yeah, he's got no fashion sense at all, Ian.
16:06I still don't understand how he's starting college at his age.
16:11I mean, is he no too old?
16:13He's a mature student.
16:14Yeah, exactly.
16:16He's a mature student.
16:17Hello.
16:25How's it going?
16:27Are we going just now or am I coming in?
16:29No, I'm coming in, aren't I?
16:30Righto.
16:31I get the train to Stranraer, ferry to Larne, bus to Belfast, coach down to Galway.
16:39Well, that's a hurrier trip, that.
16:40Alan.
16:41It's a fair way, Alan, but when it is family, it is worth all the effort.
16:46Quite right.
16:47And, you know, you'll be like Santa coming down from the North Pole
16:50to your big sack of Christmas presents.
16:53I'll know you to buy them all presents, will I?
16:58Hi, Gordon.
16:59Oh, hiya, Gordon.
17:00Hi, hi.
17:01Gordon, what's that you've got on your head?
17:03Oh, it's my helmet.
17:04I came on my scooter.
17:06You came here by scooter?
17:08Yeah.
17:09I'll be one of those e-scooters.
17:12What do you fancy one myself?
17:13Is that an e-scooter you've got, Gordon?
17:15No, it's just a regular one.
17:17Oh, Gordon, come here a minute.
17:21Come here, eh?
17:26That's you.
17:27It was, er, sticking up a bit.
17:31So, how's your course going, Gordon?
17:34Yeah, good.
17:35Yeah.
17:35What is it you're studying again?
17:37Sociology and literature.
17:38Oh, right.
17:39You're no bothered about getting a job after, are you?
17:43Ian says you've got an assignment to do.
17:45Oh, yeah.
17:45I haven't made up my mind what to do it on yet.
17:48It's meant to be something on cultural change, but it's such a big subject.
17:52Oh, God, yeah.
17:53What about Emmerdale going on to YouTube?
17:56I don't think that's the sort of thing Gordon's studying on his course, Christine.
18:01So, it's literature you're doing, is it?
18:04Tell you a good book.
18:06What's that one I read on holiday?
18:07Oh, fuck that.
18:09You wouldn't put that down.
18:10He was reading it in bed.
18:11I know, I got right into it, so I did.
18:13I know what it was.
18:13It was Duncan Bannatine's autobiography.
18:16You read that, Gordon?
18:18Er, no.
18:19What about Maeve Benchy?
18:20You read any hers?
18:22All set in Ireland.
18:23They're not be doing Maeve Benchy books in a literature course.
18:26I know it.
18:27There's fucking tons of them.
18:28I see you've got your Christmas tree up, Mrs. Bed.
18:33Well, it's awful early, is it not, Gordon?
18:36You've no good years up, have you?
18:38Well, no.
18:39It's also shit.
18:41Look at the state of it.
18:43It'll look great when you've got the rest of the decorations up.
18:47You're not seeing this as it, are you?
18:49Well, we were having a clear out, and there was decorations there that we'd had for years.
18:53They were a bit tatty.
18:56Erm, if you throw out everything tatty, you're not going to have anything left.
19:00Aw, Beth, we've got absolutely loads of Christmas decorations if you want some, haven't we, Alan?
19:04Aye, she can't go past them in the shop without buying them.
19:08It's the same with toilet rolls.
19:09You've both got honours of them.
19:11Nah, no, that's very kind, Michelle.
19:13Look, we've got piles of old ones as well.
19:15Aye, you could always have mine, Beth, since I'm going to be in Ireland.
19:20Alan, are we going to get some for Beth and Eric?
19:22Michelle, no, we...
19:23Oh, honestly, Eric, it's fine.
19:25We've got way more than we've got room to put up, so...
19:27Come on, Eric, it's fucking miserable in here.
19:36Are we ready?
19:37Yes, good.
19:38Yeah.
19:38OK.
19:41Yay!
19:46That's proper Christmassy now, isn't it?
19:48Well, not till we get a bottle open.
19:52What about you boys?
19:54Well, shh!
19:55Won't tell anyone you're driving your scooter drunk, Gordon.
19:58Em, em, em, em, em, em, em, em, em!
20:02Yeah, I'll take one, if that's OK with you, Michelle.
20:04Oh, yeah, you guys go ahead.
20:06I'll just stick to my water.
20:08Did you not realise that being pregnant was going to be really boring, Michelle?
20:13Is it OK if I have a lager?
20:14Of course it is, Alan.
20:16Are you just saying that now and you'll give me a row later?
20:18Or do you really mean it?
20:21I think I've got a bottle of fizz in the fridge.
20:24Woo!
20:25You know when I think it feels like Christmas is coming?
20:28When you hear the Christmas songs on the radio.
20:30Yeah, I love Christmas songs.
20:32Hey, Eric, have you got that Christmas album?
20:35I think I do.
20:36As long as you haven't even thrown it out.
20:38Yes, Eric, you big, stupid donkey.
20:41So when is it you're off to Ireland, Christine?
20:44Oh, not until the 21st, Michelle.
20:47Oh, God, it's just so exciting.
20:49You're going to have such a brilliant time.
20:51We loved Dublin, didn't we?
20:52We were saying earlier, Alan,
20:54that the Guinness that you get in the Guinness factory
20:56isn't like anywhere else.
20:58Aye, it's 20 fucking euro.
21:02Aww!
21:02Right, everyone, well done.
21:13Sorry, Michelle.
21:14Oh, Beth, don't worry, I'm fine.
21:16I like my water.
21:17It's all right, Michelle.
21:18You can get pissed again once the baby's here.
21:21Well, this is a bit more like it, eh?
21:23Cheers, everybody.
21:24Cheers.
21:27Here, Beth,
21:28could you go and get me that wee glass that I like?
21:31I don't like the way this one feels in my hand.
21:39Here, I hope you won't be so fussed over on Ireland, Christine,
21:42or they'll send you back.
21:46Dad, stick it on to the next song.
21:49I can't be bothered with this one.
21:50It goes on for ages.
21:54Oh, no, no, no, Cole.
21:55No, no, no, I hate this one.
21:56Get it off.
21:57She hates this.
21:58Why do you not like it, Cathy?
21:59I don't like the sound of children singing, Gordon.
22:04Now, this, this is a classic.
22:07Oh, does this one not do your head in?
22:09Would you not like it, Alan?
22:10Look, it's all right,
22:11but you hear it everywhere you go, don't you?
22:13It is a bit ubiquitous, yeah.
22:17I'll tell you what you hear everywhere.
22:19Band-Aid.
22:20Oh, it was amazing what they did with that.
22:23Yes.
22:23Although, there is a bit of a backlash against it now.
22:28Against Band-Aid?
22:29Is it because Bono's a wank?
22:31Alan.
22:32It is, but...
22:33It's just, they think it maybe did more harm than good,
22:36because it made people feel they'd solved the problem of global inequality,
22:39when, in actual fact, it's worsened with the impact of climate change.
22:43Plus, there's the whole white saviour thing, which is quite toxic as well.
22:48Oh.
22:49I didn't realise it was so controversial.
22:52Well, it's an interesting debate.
22:54I personally think that the...
22:56This is the best one ever.
23:00Oh, I do like this.
23:01What is it?
23:02The Pogues.
23:03Shane McGowan.
23:05Always pissed.
23:06Oh, him, yes.
23:07There's a couple of names for you, Michelle.
23:09What?
23:09Well, Shane for a boy, or Kirsty for a girl.
23:12Oh, a good Irish name, that, Michelle.
23:15Shane.
23:17Actually, I quite like those.
23:19Aye.
23:21Wee Shane Edgar.
23:22Sounds good, doesn't it?
23:23Or Kirsty.
23:24Aye, that's all right, I know.
23:27Here, Christine.
23:28This is the one where the choir's singing Galway Bay.
23:31That's where you'll be at Christmas.
23:33Oh, here, so it is.
23:35Christine, it's just going to feel really weird
23:38you've been away at your cousin's for Christmas.
23:42Beth.
23:48Do you think it's going to be okay?
23:51What do you mean?
23:52Me going to deathless, but it's...
23:55Well, it's just I know that
23:56sometimes I can be a wee bit demanding.
24:01Oh, Christine.
24:02What if they end up wishing
24:04they'd ever made contact with me
24:05and can't wait to see the back of me?
24:07You're going to have a wonderful time.
24:10Christmas is for families,
24:11and they're your family.
24:13They're going to be thrilled you're there.
24:15Do you think so?
24:16Yes.
24:21Here, Beth.
24:22You know how I'm getting the train to Strenra
24:25and then they're getting the ferry?
24:26Yes.
24:27Train to Strenra,
24:29ferry to Larne,
24:30bus to Belfast,
24:31and coach to Galloway.
24:33You okay to give me a lift into the station?
24:37Yes.
24:38You okay there, Gordon?
24:39Any problem with this song?
24:41Well, it depends which version it is.
24:43What?
24:44Well, there's a word in the song
24:46that's quite offensive, so...
24:48What word?
24:49Well, I don't really want to say it.
24:51I think I know what it is.
24:52What is it, Beth?
24:52Is it scumbag?
24:54What is wrong with scumbag?
24:55It rhymes with maggot.
24:57It rhymes with maggot?
24:59Maybe just forward it on to the next one.
25:01What rhymes with maggot?
25:03I know.
25:03I know!
25:05What is it?
25:06It begins with an F, Christine.
25:09Fuck with it.
25:10Look, maybe just put it off, Dad.
25:13What is it?
25:17What's wrong with that?
25:19It's quite offensive,
25:21especially to gay people.
25:22I thought it was Poofter was the one
25:24that he's done-y like.
25:26Look, it's getting to the point
25:27you cannae say anything
25:28without offending someone.
25:30Oh, here we go.
25:31Well, it's ridiculous.
25:32I mean, you cannae even have a bit
25:34of homophobic swearing
25:35in a Christmas song any more.
25:38I think it's more
25:39we're just becoming more aware
25:41of how the things we say
25:42impact on other people
25:44and a recognition that
25:45some terms that were once
25:46in common usage
25:47were, in fact, offensive, frankly.
25:50We should probably make a move.
25:52What other words
25:52can we not say, Gordon?
25:54Well, it's not up to me.
25:56What about Fanny?
25:58If someone was to call you
25:58a silly Fanny,
25:59would you be offended by that?
26:01Kathy.
26:02Well, I wouldn't really be offended,
26:04but, I mean,
26:04if we're going to get into it,
26:06I don't really think anyone
26:07should be using a female body part
26:08as an insult.
26:09Does that mean
26:10that you cannae say...
26:11Christine!
26:12What about Dick?
26:13Can you still call someone a Dick?
26:15That's less bad.
26:17Oh, thank God for that.
26:18I see Dick quite a lot, don't I?
26:20I may as well.
26:22Why is Dick not as bad, Gordon?
26:24Well, it's that men
26:25have historically been
26:27the dominant gender, so...
26:28What about wanker, Gordon?
26:30Cos technically that's...
26:31that's either, isn't it?
26:33Arsehole.
26:34You know, we've all got one of those.
26:35And where would the gays
26:36be without them?
26:37Oh, I really think we should head.
26:41You know what I think, Gordon?
26:43What?
26:45I think you should do
26:47your assignment on all of this.
26:50Language and all that.
26:51How it's changed.
26:53You really know
26:54what you're talking about.
26:55Well, I don't think that's...
26:57I can't really see how that would...
27:03Actually, that's a really good idea.
27:05Don't forget your hat and scarf.
27:12Ah, yeah.
27:13Say about that,
27:15do you mind if we don't do presents this year?
27:18Oh, right.
27:19Yeah, it's just...
27:20we're a bit skint this year
27:21with me being at college.
27:23Is that why you're not coming over
27:24on Christmas Day?
27:28Kinda, yeah.
27:29Do not worry about presents,
27:31but come over for dinner.
27:33We'd love to have you.
27:35Right, OK.
27:38Cheers, Mum.
27:41Erm, no hugs for me, Gordon.
27:44That's a nice kiss for you as well.
27:56Bye.
28:04Ooh!
28:05Is that your scooter, Gordon?
28:08Yeah.
28:08Ooh!
28:09I wonder if Cole would like one of those.
28:11Oh, my God,
28:12I could get him one for his Christmas.
28:13Cole!
28:14Cole!
28:15Come and get a look at Gordon's scooter!
28:18What's happening?
28:19I think Cole has got to have
28:20a Gordon Gordon's scooter.
28:23Oh, I'd quite like to see that.
28:27I haven't been in one of these for years.
28:30Go on, Cole!
28:33Whee!
28:34Woo!
28:38Whoa!
28:41Oh!
28:41Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:44Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:44Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:44Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:44Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:44Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:44Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:44Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:44Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:44Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:44Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:45Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:45Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:45Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:45Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:45Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:46Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:47Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:48Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:49Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:50Oh, I'm a fucking van!
28:51Oh, I'm a fucking van!
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