The Dick and Paula Celebrity Special Episode 2

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Transcript

00:00Oh, this is, uh, Vicki from the Dick and Paula Show.

00:02Hold on one second, hon.

00:03Oh.

00:04I'm just doing some squat thrusts.

00:06Oh.

00:06A little out of breath.

00:06What can I do you for?

00:07Well, I'm just trying to get basic information.

00:09I'm kind of coming up empty-handed.

00:11Uh, what do you mean?

00:12Well, you're a huge war hero.

00:14We know this.

00:14Uh, I don't like the...

00:15All right.

00:16Well, yeah, yeah.

00:17Well, uh, no records of you exist.

00:19Really?

00:20God damn bureaucracy.

00:21Yeah.

00:22Uh, okay, you know what?

00:23I'll just bring my, uh, my records.

00:25Oh, are you sure?

00:25Because this is my job.

00:26No, no, no.

00:27That's what I do.

00:27No, no.

00:28I appreciate that.

00:28Sure.

00:29Anything else?

00:30Uh, no, um, I need your social security number.

00:33All right.

00:33You know what?

00:33I'm standing here on my, uh, you know, posing strap.

00:35Oh, I'm sorry.

00:36Can I give you the social security number a little later, hon?

00:37You know, I'm dripping like a piece of rancid pork here.

00:40Oh, of course.

00:52Hi, everyone.

00:53I'm Vicki.

00:53I think I talked to you all.

00:55Hi, Vicki.

00:56Hi, Paul.

00:57How are you?

00:57I'm glad everyone got a chance to meet.

00:58I saw you're all mingling.

01:00I don't know who they are.

01:01Oh.

01:01Excuse me.

01:02Marion Butch Huckstep.

01:03How are you?

01:04Oh, Paul Revere.

01:05Military man.

01:05One military man to another, huh?

01:07You got it.

01:07Nice to meet you.

01:08Marquis de Sade.

01:09How are you doing?

01:09How are you?

01:10I'm sorry, Marquis what?

01:11De Sade.

01:12Not the de Sade.

01:13No, just de Sade.

01:15No, I, I, not Marquis the de Sade.

01:17But, no, there's no the in it.

01:18It's just Marquis de Sade.

01:19Okay, I'm thinking of somebody else.

01:20This morning, I wake up.

01:23I have no sensation in my right hand, so I pinch my finger.

01:25Nothing.

01:26I take a pin from the night table.

01:28I prick my finger.

01:29My wife screams at the top of her lungs.

01:32What a relief.

01:32But even, you know, even when I was in the hospital, the doctor thought he was a comedian.

01:36He says to me, what has two arms, two legs, and cancer of the spleen?

01:39Luckily, it was the guy next to me.

01:42You're the babe hound.

01:43Yeah.

01:44Well, I've been around.

01:44You like to get a little salty with the gals, huh?

01:47What's salty?

01:48I'm trying to make green room conversation, Mike.

01:49You guys are military, though, right?

01:51Because I, yeah.

01:51Yeah.

01:52Yeah.

01:52I did that as well.

01:53I was, uh...

01:54Third generation military, in my case.

01:55It's a pleasure to meet you, my friend.

01:57A war hero?

01:58Is that, uh...

01:58Oh, listen, in your company, I'm a little ashamed.

02:01But a couple, I, I, yeah, the good Lord, uh, saw to it.

02:03It's funny, we're all kind of war...

02:04Sorry, you're not touching me, are you?

02:05What do you say?

02:06You're kind of...

02:07Well, it was just, yeah, a little bit close there.

02:08Oh, sorry.

02:09Hey, fellas, this is going to be the Tony Awards in here.

02:11I'm out of here.

02:13Hi.

02:14Hi.

02:14Oh, Vicky, hi.

02:15Oh, Vicky, hi.

02:16Yeah, we just...

02:16So maybe what would be best to do is, uh, test it on you, because you're here.

02:20When are you going to marry and make a nice family for two of you as well?

02:23Well, you know, I'm...

02:24Why don't we just test the mic?

02:25We'll test the mic.

02:26Okay.

02:26Yeah.

02:27I'll just put my Cupid arrows back in my quiver.

02:32Yeah, hey, if I could pitch a gig with doing the reunion of the band,

02:35it's getting back to get again to VSW on Route 9.

02:37Johnny Storm on the, uh, low depressions.

02:40Thursday night, no cover charge, two-drink minimum,

02:42and all the proceeds will be kept in a safe place.

02:46So let me get this, uh, set up here.

02:48Okay, do you want me to help, or...?

02:50Well, you just have to take, uh, your sweater off, and, uh, the box goes, too.

02:54Oh, yeah, I think I can get it.

02:55It's easier.

02:56You're sure, because it would make sense for me to do it?

02:57Yeah, it's easier this way.

02:58Pat my oxygen tank when you walk by.

03:00Well, you did.

03:00It's good luck.

03:02The Marquis de Sade is with us for the first time tonight.

03:04Give it up.

03:06And also on the show is a really extraordinary war hero

03:09from the Second World War, who's counting?

03:11Marion Butch Huckstead.

03:14I think he was the guy who actually invented the expression,

03:17I'm Marion Butch Huckstead.

03:19I'm just guessing.

03:20Oh, honey, I feel so tense.

03:21Could you just, like, rub my shoulders?

03:23I can't right now.

03:24I'm too tense.

03:25There we go.

03:26How's that?

03:26Great.

03:26Hi, Vicky.

03:27Hi.

03:28Hi, Vic.

03:28Do you see what I'm wearing?

03:29Oh.

03:31No, what?

03:32Yeah, do you see a little tiny thing right there?

03:34Look at him.

03:34What is that?

03:34I'm noticing it's a lavalier mic.

03:36What are you wearing that for?

03:37Well, you know, Johnny's got that new segment.

03:39Guess what I'm thinking.

03:40Is that today?

03:41Were we doing that today?

03:42Oh, yeah, we're starting today.

03:43Johnny said it's all set up, and so we got him the mic,

03:45and he can walk around the audience.

03:47It's going to be big.

03:47Why are you wearing it, honey?

03:49Oh, we're testing it.

03:50I'm sorry.

03:50And he's just seeing when I walk around the building.

03:52Can he hear us now?

03:53Are you on?

03:53Mm-hmm.

03:53Oh, yeah.

03:54We're live.

03:55Jack, if you're...

03:55Hi, Jack.

03:56Yeah, I'm hearing you.

03:57You can one, two, three...

03:59Is that a good level on that?

04:00No?

04:00What?

04:01Is that...

04:01I thought I heard my son calling me.

04:03Forget it.

04:04I think this is a great idea, Jack.

04:06I know that I can't hear you, but I think it's just great.

04:08It's great, Jack.

04:09It's great.

04:10Okay, so I'm going to go talk to Jack, make sure this thing worked.

04:14Great.

04:14Okay, bye-bye.

04:15Thanks, Vic.

04:16Yeah.

04:16Thanks, Jack.

04:17All right, honey, that's enough.

04:18Enough what?

04:19Enough talking into the microphone.

04:20Baby, you've got to be thorough.

04:21Yeah.

04:21I was wondering if I could have, like, my own key, because I always have...

04:27Yeah, but the rest of the guests, go to the guest's bathroom, you...

04:29Well, that's my point.

04:31You don't want to...

04:31Look at these guys.

04:33I mean...

04:33Oh.

04:33Let me tell you something, my friend.

04:34You could drink my urine.

04:36I don't eat any processed meats.

04:38I could drink nothing but pure waters.

04:39Don't be offended.

04:40I...

04:40Well, I mean, then don't, you know...

04:42You know, I just...

04:42Don't feed horse poop to the pony, my...

04:44I'm sure that's not what he meant.

04:46Sorry.

04:46I'm sorry.

04:47I'm under as lot of stress.

04:48Oh, that's okay.

04:48No, my stump hurts.

04:50Okay.

04:51Hey, so America's best-loved couple in no particular order, please welcome Dick and

05:04Paula.

05:06Thank you so much.

05:06Thank you, everybody.

05:07What a wonderful crowd.

05:08Thank you, Johnny.

05:09Great.

05:09Okay.

05:10I'm going to have to call security now.

05:12I'm excited.

05:13Yeah, that'll pass.

05:15Hey, I meant to tell you, my dad called me last night, three in the morning, says,

05:18guess what?

05:19When I get up to pee now, I don't have to turn on the light.

05:20It goes on automatically.

05:22When I'm done peeing, it goes off automatically.

05:24I said, Dad, you're peeing in the fridge.

05:28I'm going to spell it off, and you help me out, and it goes, this old man, and you go,

05:31he says...

05:32He plays one.

05:33No, no, what you do is, I'm going to go, this old man, you go, he says...

05:35He says.

05:36Okay.

05:36So, this old man, he says...

05:38He plays one.

05:39He says.

05:40He plays knick-knack on his thumb.

05:43With a knick-knack paddy.

05:45Precisely.

05:46You know...

05:47Give the dog a bone.

05:47It's those old classics that have built...

05:50Why is it you can't hear stories like that on the radio, Johnny?

05:52You've got to turn it on.

05:55And, uh, Paula?

05:56And then we have the infamous Marquita Saad.

05:59Yes, isn't that exciting?

06:00That's great.

06:01I can't wait to meet him.

06:02See what he's wearing.

06:02And World War II veteran and hero, Marion Butch Huckstep.

06:07Yeah.

06:08I met him in the green room.

06:09Seems like a real, uh, regular Joe.

06:11G.I. Joe?

06:12Ha, ha, ha.

06:13You, too, enjoy kidding around.

06:15A little bit.

06:16Yeah.

06:21Andy?

06:21Hi, Aunt Paula.

06:22How are you, honey?

06:23How?

06:24How?

06:24I'm doing great.

06:25What's good?

06:25Feeling better.

06:26Really?

06:27Were you sick?

06:27No, I'm just feeling better about things in general.

06:29Oh, good.

06:30So, Andy, honey, tell me what you've been doing.

06:32What I've been trying to do is come up with ideas for celebrities, what they call out here

06:37vehicles.

06:37Have you heard the expression?

06:38John Travolta.

06:39It's going to be a vehicle for John Travolta, right?

06:41Right.

06:42And they're always trying to come up with a show with John Larrakat.

06:44I love John Larrakat.

06:45So, for example, John Larrakat's always a cranky guy.

06:48I see him.

06:49How about he's a cranky death row executioner guy, right?

06:52He actually straps people into the electric chair.

06:55Uh-huh.

06:55But he can't stop with the wisecracks, right?

06:58That's great.

06:59The guy who's getting killed will go, excuse me, sir, those straps are a little tight.

07:04And he's like wisecracking.

07:04I'm like, hey, why should I listen to you for it?

07:06You're going to be dead in a minute.

07:07That kind of a thing.

07:08So, you know, I do want to tell you that I am coming up with also some vehicles for myself,

07:12too.

07:12Are you?

07:13This is a show I'm working on.

07:14I think you'll like this a lot.

07:15The show is called Juice, okay?

07:18Uh-huh.

07:18But there's a Z at the end, so it's pronounced Jews, right?

07:22Ah.

07:22Okay?

07:23Now, here's the premise.

07:24It's me as a manager of one of these juice places, you know?

07:27Mm-hmm.

07:27But I'm like an Orthodox Jew.

07:30I like that.

07:32Well, it's a real pleasure to meet you.

07:35Yeah.

07:36I get that a lot.

07:37I've heard some stories.

07:39Well, they're all true.

07:40Are they?

07:41Well, not all of them.

07:42Wow.

07:43Well, I've been there and back, my friend, yeah.

07:44I guess you have.

07:46Yeah.

07:46Let's tell the tale.

07:46And then I've been there again.

07:50And hilarity ensues, and it's Jews.

07:52So it's like...

07:53Jews.

07:54I get it, honey.

07:55It's Orthodox specialty drinks.

07:57Right.

07:57It's a Jews bar.

07:59Jews.

08:00Cut the energy.

08:01We'll go on a commercial.

08:04Oh, actually, you know, I want to show you a couple of pictures of my kids.

08:07That's my son.

08:08Uh-huh.

08:09What a handsome young kid that is, huh?

08:10Very handsome.

08:11And there's my daughter right there.

08:12Oh, she looks like you.

08:13And then, uh, check this one out.

08:15Oh.

08:16Oh, yeah.

08:18Oh, my.

08:19Yeah, that picture has not yet been rated.

08:21Oh, my.

08:29And we are back.

08:31Dick, Paula, we're on.

08:32Our first guest is so famous that from his name, a word was coined sadism.

08:38Some claim he is a bad man.

08:40Others say he is a champion of self-expression.

08:42You can form your own opinion of the Marquis de Sade.

08:47Welcome.

08:48How about a hug?

08:49Okay.

08:50Not you, Dick.

08:51It's great to be here.

08:52Love the show.

08:53Yeah, big fan.

08:54We want to talk about your experiences in prison and...

08:57Oh, right away with the prison, yeah.

08:59Well, yeah.

08:59Why were you in prison, Marquis?

09:01Well, I did some stuff, you know, here and there that people felt was not appropriate behavior for an aristocrat like myself.

09:09So...

09:10Here's the deal.

09:11I consider myself a romantic, to be honest with you.

09:14They don't, you know, they don't publicize that part of me.

09:16They don't publicize the part...

09:17The softer, sweeter side.

09:18I don't wake up whip, you know, right away.

09:20I don't, you know, I don't have a cat o' nine by my bed table and, you know...

09:23Where do you keep it?

09:24Yeah, what?

09:25Where do you keep it?

09:26Under the bed.

09:29Now, masochist, that's, is there a guy, masochow, or...

09:31There is a guy named Massock.

09:33Massock.

09:34I'd love to pick that guy's brain, actually.

09:35What is he thinking?

09:36Can you come back with Massock?

09:38I think that would be a very interesting interaction.

09:39Note to Vicki to get a hold of Massock.

09:41Well, we're always referred to sort of in the same sentence now, you know.

09:44Sadomasochism.

09:44You know, you go to a bar now and it's an S&M bar.

09:47Mm-hmm.

09:47Well, you got top billing, though, huh?

09:49Well, yeah, I am first and I'm happy about that.

09:51But, you know, I much prefer just being an S-bar.

09:53Yeah, okay.

09:56I understand that the reason you were in jail for such a long time was because your mother-in-law paid the government for you to stay there.

10:01It's funny, you bring up my mother-in-law.

10:02She actually came with me today.

10:04She's out in the audience.

10:05I don't know if you can get a shot.

10:05Really?

10:06Oh, my goodness, there it is.

10:07How are you?

10:08Can you get a mic on her?

10:09There she is.

10:10Camera two, find the woman.

10:11Cut to the mother-in-law.

10:12Wow.

10:12I love you both.

10:13That's great.

10:13Yeah, you can sit down now, Mom.

10:15All right.

10:15You know, your dress is wonderful.

10:17Oh, thank you.

10:18Mom, it's my segment, so let's sit down, okay?

10:20You know, she's a little overbearing, you know, but...

10:23Let me say one thing.

10:24See, here she goes.

10:25Can I say one thing?

10:26No.

10:26Shut up, madame.

10:26No.

10:26Yeah.

10:27Because no.

10:28He's out there saying that he's not a sadist.

10:30Please.

10:31No.

10:31No, you know.

10:32You know.

10:33Let me know.

10:33You know.

10:33No, let...

10:34I have a dog, a Boston Terrier.

10:36Oh, come on.

10:37He plays Frisbee with a dog.

10:38He throws the Frisbee directly at his head.

10:40No, I did not do that on purpose with the dog.

10:43He does say this.

10:44He'll take a piece of chicken, take a bite, and put it back.

10:46Oh, please.

10:49I understand that you also do impressions, Marquis.

10:51It's funny.

10:52I picked up impressions.

10:53Well, let's hear a couple.

10:54What do you say?

10:54Well, I don't...

10:55Yeah, two folks out there like to hear some impressions.

10:57The Marquis decided.

10:58Who do you do?

10:59Well, see if you recognize this gentleman.

11:02Okay.

11:03My name is Bond.

11:04James Bond.

11:07Oh, I know, I know, I know.

11:08Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait.

11:09Shakin, not scared.

11:10Sean Connery.

11:11Right.

11:11Yeah, the Sean Connery.

11:12The best Bond out there.

11:13Yeah, yeah.

11:14Let's hear it for Marquis decided.

11:15The only Bond, as far as I'm concerned.

11:17Oh, that's great.

11:18Who else did you do?

11:18Let's see if you can recognize this.

11:19I have to just fix my hair for a second.

11:20All right.

11:20Let me turn around and then come back at you.

11:22You're out of order.

11:24I'm out of order.

11:24This whole court's out of order.

11:27Al Pacino, justice for all.

11:29Justice for all.

11:30Great.

11:31And of course, I love that scene.

11:32That's brilliant.

11:33Fabulous scene.

11:34Brilliant.

11:35I start with Pacino.

11:36You're out of order.

11:37And then I take it up a notch.

11:38Uh-huh.

11:39And I don't know if you'll recognize this guy.

11:40Okay.

11:40This is a very rare impression.

11:42I don't think anybody does this guy.

11:43Okay.

11:44I'm dancing, Tony.

11:45I'm dancing here.

11:47I'm dancing.

11:48Tony.

11:49Father.

11:49Father, can I talk to you?

11:50Can I talk to you, Father?

11:52Remember the curly-headed guy in Saturday Night Fever,

11:55the guy who jumped off the bridge?

11:56Yeah, that's a guy.

11:57Wow.

11:57Yeah.

11:58I've never heard anybody get down.

11:59That is a rare.

12:01You remember that scene?

12:02That's a powerful.

12:02I'm dancing, Tony.

12:03And then he jumped and he died.

12:05Unfortunately, he died.

12:07Do me a favor.

12:07Use the Max Factor 2 under the eyes.

12:09Highlight me under the cheeks.

12:10Darken around the jawline for me, will you?

12:13Oh, we've been around the block, haven't we?

12:14Yeah, I do a lot of this kind of stuff.

12:15Thanks.

12:16Let me see what I got.

12:16You said what?

12:17Number two?

12:17Walk the Rouge upstairs a little bit around that upper cheekbone.

12:19Marquis, what's next for you?

12:22Well, you know, I'm trying to get into the restaurant business.

12:25Are you?

12:26Yeah.

12:26That's tough.

12:26That's a tough world to break into.

12:28Yeah, you ain't kidding.

12:29Hours are long.

12:30Yeah, looking for investors right now to start a chain of restaurants.

12:33Do you have a name?

12:34Yeah, called De Sade's.

12:35De Sade's?

12:35Yeah.

12:36Great.

12:36Let's be kind of a theme.

12:38A lot of Bloody Mary.

12:39You know, it's funny.

12:40We've approached a lot of...

12:41Very good.

12:41It's not a bad...

12:42See, but this is the problem, actually.

12:43And Paula brings up an interesting point here.

12:45A lot of the investors that I've approached want to do a theme thing with me.

12:48Uh-huh.

12:49You know, and to be honest with you, I just wanted to just do a, you know, a nice, good

12:53old-fashioned family style place, you know, emphasis on...

12:57To be honest with you, I love barbecue.

12:58I found a whip in the cabana!

13:00Shut up!

13:06And he said, blow me.

13:09Hey, this is so exciting for me, folks.

13:11And this is the first time we're playing this new game called Guess What I'm Thinking,

13:14and, um...

13:15Oh, I hope he chooses me.

13:17So, uh, I'm thinking of an animal.

13:18You have to guess what animal I'm thinking of.

13:20Hey, and how would you like to play Guess What I'm Thinking?

13:22I would love it.

13:23Okay, can you stand up, please?

13:24I love guessing things.

13:25Hey, me too.

13:26I did, I guess...

13:26You know the lady next to you.

13:27Oh.

13:28I'll give you a hint.

13:29It's a zebra.

13:31Wow.

13:32We ordered a lavalier mic for this.

13:34That was a mistake, huh?

13:35That's entertainment?

13:36I've never been less entertained.

13:37Ladies and gentlemen, we are so lucky to have with us tonight a real live war hero.

13:45Please join me in welcoming Marion Butch, hockstep.

13:50As you were.

13:51As you were.

13:52Should we call you, uh, Marion or Butch?

13:54Butch is fine.

13:55A World War II hero.

13:56Wow.

13:56I don't like the word hero, uh...

13:58Butch, if I could just...

13:59How did you lose the arm?

14:01I traded it for eight purple hearts, my friend.

14:03Beautiful thing.

14:04Wow.

14:05No, no, don't.

14:06Yeah.

14:06No.

14:07I'm not asking.

14:08I didn't know.

14:08Okay, thank you.

14:08You didn't have to ask for it, Butch.

14:10Thank you, folks.

14:10It's coming your way.

14:11I am just...

14:11I'm dumbstruck.

14:12Well, let's take advantage of that.

14:14Let me get a few questions in.

14:15What, uh, was the particular battle where you lost, uh, the arm?

14:18I was defending the 49th parallel, Dick.

14:20The 49th...

14:21Where...

14:22Isn't the 49th parallel in Korea?

14:25Sure, now.

14:26What does it mean, defending a parallel?

14:28Uh, well, let me see if I can put it kind of simply.

14:31Um, you know, you're defending the parallel.

14:33It's a stretch of land, very parallel to itself.

14:36It's kind of a no-man's land, a lot of saturation fire.

14:39I'll tell you what, if you need to know a little bit more about the parallel,

14:41you can call my agent, Lee Cohn, at the William Morris Agency.

14:43Okay.

14:43But be warned, they're three hours behind on the coast.

14:45Yeah.

14:45For what particular, um, valorous deed did you win the Congressional Medal of Honor?

14:51I won the battle, perhaps.

14:52It's a little lesser-known battle.

14:54It's called Jim's Battle.

14:57I got a...

14:58I got a crull in my neck.

14:59Really?

14:59Are you choking?

15:00Yeah, a little bit.

15:01Give me your thing.

15:02Oh, oh.

15:02Don't talk it out of my throat.

15:04Okay.

15:05Oh, okay.

15:06Is that good?

15:06Oh, that's it.

15:07It's out.

15:08The doughnut's across the room.

15:09Let me do one more.

15:10We never really, uh, knew about you until, uh, your publicity people contacted us a couple weeks

15:14ago, and, uh, what's...

15:15What's the deal?

15:16I mean, it's over 50 years now.

15:17Uh, where have you been?

15:18I've been touring this great country.

15:20I've started, uh, I've been pretty, pretty damn busy.

15:22Pardon my language.

15:23That's all right.

15:24I'm trying to put together the President's Council on Heroism.

15:27Uh-huh.

15:27When you ask what have I been doing, no, I haven't been making the movies like Audemars.

15:30No, I've been out there trying to rally the young people to keep them off the marijuana

15:34in their arm.

15:35Wow.

15:35I do a lot of 110 speaking engagements a year.

15:38Maybe you've seen some of them.

15:39I did, I just came from the Frito-Lay industrial show.

15:41Oh, really?

15:42Mm-hmm.

15:42And what were you demonstrating there?

15:44Courage.

15:46You've got a lot to be bitter about, Butch.

15:48Well, I try not to spend too much time being bitter.

15:50Yeah, you're trying to raise 16 million, I think you said.

15:52How far along are you?

15:53And what...

15:53Well, we got one of those big thermometers that we're putting up there.

15:55Those are great.

15:56Yeah.

15:56So far, we're almost through paying for the thermometer.

16:00So we have a long, long way to go.

16:03So we're early on in the process.

16:04We're early on in the process, and that's why I bless you two fine people for having me

16:08on here to help you.

16:08If we can do a little bit to help your cause, we'd be good.

16:10You know what?

16:11If I may, there's a little piece that I do, a little poem that I do at the end of my...

16:14I do about 150, 160 speaking engagements a year.

16:17Kiwanis and so on.

16:17I love poetry.

16:18Did you write this yourself?

16:19I did.

16:19I wrote this when I was knee-deep in the blood of my platoon.

16:24Because I did this a couple of weeks ago for the Tampax people out in Wilbur, Ohio.

16:28Wow.

16:28So if you all in the audience would be kind enough just to hum the Battle Hymn of the Republic,

16:32I'll try to get through this.

16:32It does bring a tear to my eye.

16:34Camera one, can I get a tight one in on Butch?

16:37I'll try to get through this without crying.

16:40I am a soldier by Marion Butch Huxtap.

16:43I am a soldier.

16:45My name is Jaime, Tony, Stimey, Mac.

16:47If they try to take your freedom, we'll take your freedom back.

16:50I am a soldier.

16:52Some stripes upon my sleeve.

16:54I don't want thanks or kudos, just some broads and beer on leave.

16:58You ask, what is a soldier?

17:00I'll give it to you true.

17:02We're the guys who do the dirty work you hippie queers won't do.

17:06From the beaches of Corregidor to Montezuma's famous hall.

17:10If you don't like the way we do things, then I say F you all.

17:13So listen up, you krauts and gooks and towelheads in French.

17:17G.I. Joe is on his way to put you on the bench.

17:20Yes, I am a soldier.

17:22I've stood in hell's foyer, and it's still better than being a lawyer.

17:30Marion Butch.

17:31Thank you, folks.

17:32Thank you so much.

17:34Oh, wow.

17:35Bless you all.

17:36There you go.

17:37Thank you so much.

17:38You've been such a wonderful guest.

17:39Thank you all, folks.

17:40Thank you so much.

17:41God bless you all.

17:42Okay, well, ladies and gentlemen, we're out of time.

17:44Usually Johnny Storm wraps it up for us with a little music.

17:47I wonder what he's thinking.

17:49He's not here.

17:50We don't know what happened to Johnny, but...

17:52That's pretty much it for us.

17:53Be sure to be here tomorrow.

17:54We've got some great guests.

17:55Is that right?

17:57Well...

17:57Hey, somebody had asparagus last night.

17:59Hey, are you all right?

18:00I'm not complaining.

18:01I actually liked it.

18:02I have no idea what that is, but...

18:05Melt the lab mic's still on.

18:07Hey, your segment went great.

18:08I thought it went well, too.

18:10I mean, not great, but it went good.

18:12Well, hey, guess what I'm thinking?

18:13It didn't go very well.

18:14That's right.

18:15I think you were probably having some technical difficulties.

18:19The Guess What I'm Thinking segment didn't work out.

18:21I guess Johnny's working on something else.

18:22Guess what I'm thinking in the bathroom.

18:24I wonder who invented the urinal cake.

18:31Next Tuesday on an all-new Dick and Paula Celebrity Special,

18:33it's Charles Darwin.

18:34You were kind enough to actually get my family here.

18:36Can we get a camera on the Darwins?

18:38Come on, too.

18:38Put some fire on your ass.

18:40My family, there they are.

18:41Very funny.

18:42Yeah, that was my idea.

18:43The Dick and Paula Celebrity Special,

18:44the best celebrity interviews of all time,

18:46next Tuesday at 10 on FX.

18:48, next Wednesday at 10 on FX.

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