00:00The Bachelor was both heartbreaking and confusing last night as the woman Colton Underwood loves decided to send herself home.
00:09We're gonna break it down ahead of next week's finale.
00:14Hey guys, it's Ally for Hollywood Life and we're gonna do something a little different today because where there is tea, there is a me.
00:21You know what I mean?
00:22Anyway, if you watch The Bachelor, you know that we are in the final days of Colton Underwood's quest for love with three women left in the room.
00:29However, it seems the former NFL player has his mind made up and set on one lady, but the issue is the girl he wants now doesn't want him.
00:39Oh no.
00:40Let me break it down for you.
00:41Last night's episode was supposed to be the fantasy suite episode during which Colton would probably lose his virginity to one of his three suitors.
00:49But instead, he ended up losing the girl he loves and jumping over a fence, which is basically what most guys do after losing their virginity, I think.
00:57Anyway, I'm getting carried away.
00:59Colton and his three ladies, Tayshia, Hannah G, and Cassie travel to Portugal and Tayshia gets the first date.
01:05She and Colton explore a gorgeous town and have a romantic dinner during which Tayshia reveals her ex-husband had cheated on her.
01:12When it comes time for the fantasy suite, Tayshia is literally so excited she is about to take Colton's virginity, but in the morning it's very evident that that didn't happen and it was super awkward.
01:23Disappointed!
01:25Okay, moving on to the tea, Colton then meets up with Cassie, who he is and has been clearly so smitten with all season.
01:33Except after going to Cassie's hometown and not getting her father's blessing to propose, he's in a bit of a weird place.
01:40However, the two thoroughly enjoy their day together and literally find every crevice in the country of Portugal to make out in, I think.
01:46And then Colton abruptly decides Cassie is it. He's going to lose his virginity to her and only her and who even cares about going on another date with Hannah G, right?
01:56Well, as he decides this, Colton also reveals to Cassie that her dad didn't give him his blessing, but he doesn't care.
02:03Wait, what?
02:04Yeah, so Cassie freaks out. She's upset that Colton didn't tell her.
02:08What?
02:09Yeah, and now she doesn't know if she loves him or wants to be with him at all.
02:12Well, okay, it was clear she didn't even want to be with him, but the show is two hours long, so they had to stretch it out for three commercial breaks.
02:19Makes sense.
02:20But okay, Cassie goes back to her hotel ahead of their dinner where, surprise, her dad shows up.
02:25He essentially convinces her that she isn't really happy and that she would know fully and wholeheartedly if Colton was her soulmate.
02:32I think Mr. Randolph really just doesn't believe in the process of The Bachelor, a.k.a. how can you fall in love with someone in eight to nine weeks and be ready for marriage, which I don't disagree with him.
02:43He's honestly just being a concerned parent, which is awesome, and now I wonder where all the other parents have been the last however many seasons.
02:50Have they been secretly locking them up and using stand-ins? I mean, we need a Shane Dawson dog on this.
02:55Anyway, after chatting with her dad, Cassie decides she wants to go home and she just isn't there yet in her relationship with Colton to get engaged in the end of this.
03:04Unfortunately, Colton is there and he's lighting candles ready to do it for the first time until Cassie literally breaks his heart.
03:12Colton literally begs her to say, confessing she's the only one for him and his whole body begins to shake while he's processing everything.
03:21Like, everything's shaking.
03:26Cassie eventually leaves and Colton slams the door to his hotel room before coming out, pushing the camera and jumping a huge fence.
03:34He just jumped the fence.
03:39Yeah, that fence is maybe like seven or eight feet tall, but poof, and now he's gone and not even Chris Harrison can find him.
03:46It is pitch black and they are in Portugal.
03:50Now, I am split on this.
03:52I think that Cassie actually went through what a lot of people in her position should have gone through on this show and maybe they did off camera.
03:59She wanted more time with Colton, more time to sort out her feelings for him, more time before committing to a lifelong marriage.
04:06As she said, she only wants to do this once and I don't blame her.
04:09Then again, this is the premise of this show.
04:12You have less than three months to fall in love with someone while also competing against other women for their heart.
04:18If you weren't on board with the rules, don't enter the competition.
04:21But also, treat marriage with the respect it deserves.
04:23Respect is important.
04:25Truly, my heart breaks for both Colton and Cassie because both of their feelings are real and they do matter.
04:31But also, where the fuck is Hannah J?
04:33Well, we're gonna find out next week on Monday and Tuesday what happens on this season of The Bachelor.
04:38Until then, hit the sub, like, and bell button and let us know if you like us doing Bachelor recaps.
04:42Maybe we'll do it in the future, unless you guys are more into Game of Thrones or something like that.
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