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Something_Remote_Sd_4000Kbps
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00:03:42Lisa.
00:03:42Why are you so mean to her?
00:03:44She is always nice to me, she probably came to apologize.
00:03:46You just don't understand how girls work.
00:03:48Yağğ ey, once you realize that girls are predisposed
00:03:50to extract valuable time,
00:03:52energy and more importantly money,
00:03:53you'll understand where me and Neil are coming from.
00:03:55You never had a girlfriend, Matt.
00:03:56Ah buh buh buh.
00:03:57Look, with girls you have to be ruthless.
00:03:59Maybe Neil's doesn't want to be ruthless.
00:04:01What?
00:04:02Of course he does, it is his ex.
00:04:04No, go stand out by the tree, this is man talk.
00:04:07Ba...
00:04:07Go!
00:04:12Ya.
00:04:16Ya, RUTLESS.
00:04:18Can't let Lisa see that I'm still single.
00:04:20Ya, got a safe face. Hey, hey you!
00:04:22Me?
00:04:23Ya, hey you.
00:04:24Wanna make 20 bucks?
00:04:25Sure.
00:04:33What's with him?
00:04:34Oh, he lost his circle privileges.
00:04:36Right.
00:04:38So, about the 20 bucks?
00:04:40Alright, 20 bucks to pretend to be this guy's girlfriend.
00:04:42This guy?
00:04:44You gotta be kidding me.
00:04:45Girls gotta have standards.
00:04:47Oh, for crying out loud, what's the big deal?
00:04:49I mean, no one would believe that a girl like me was going out with a guy like you.
00:04:55Just to think that...
00:04:56Alright, alright, 40 bucks.
00:04:57Okay.
00:04:58Okay.
00:05:00Neil, give her the 40.
00:05:04Come on, come on, don't be cheap. Nice lady.
00:05:06Just doing you a good favor here.
00:05:08Alright, ya good? Ya good?
00:05:10Now let's do this.
00:05:13Sorry about all this.
00:05:17Guys, wait for me.
00:05:25Lisa!
00:05:26Neil!
00:05:27How did you get in here?
00:05:28Hi Lisa.
00:05:29Eric, don't break rank.
00:05:30I thought you changed the locks.
00:05:33I thought you changed them.
00:05:34No guys, I did it.
00:05:36And I did it.
00:05:37Yeah, that's what I thought.
00:05:39Yeah.
00:05:40Yeah?
00:05:41Well, your windows are still made of glass.
00:05:43Our slumberland landlord isn't gonna fix that.
00:05:45Yeah, neither are you.
00:05:46Hush, Eric.
00:05:47What are you even doing here?
00:05:48I, uh, came here for my stuff.
00:05:51Like what?
00:05:52Like, uh, my hammer.
00:05:55Hey.
00:05:56That's it.
00:05:57You're done, Lisa.
00:05:58I'm calling the cops.
00:05:59Oh, and my cell phone.
00:06:01Fine, just take it and get out of here, Lisa.
00:06:05Who is this, Neil?
00:06:07This is, uh, my new girlfriend, Abby.
00:06:09That's not my name.
00:06:11Abby.
00:06:13Hi.
00:06:14Well, that's cool.
00:06:15Cause I have a new boyfriend.
00:06:16I doubt that, you crazy psycho bitch.
00:06:18Who?
00:06:20Uh, him.
00:06:22Huh?
00:06:23Me?
00:06:24Really?
00:06:25That's my roommate, Lisa.
00:06:26Uh, I really meant him.
00:06:28I doubt that, you crazy psycho bitch.
00:06:30That's my other roommate, Lisa.
00:06:31You're over two here.
00:06:33I really meant him.
00:06:37Hi.
00:06:39This is my brand new boyfriend.
00:06:42Isn't he?
00:06:44Fucking gross.
00:06:45Rugged.
00:06:46Oh, yeah?
00:06:47Well, if you're her new boyfriend, what's her name?
00:06:48Lisa, don't say a word.
00:06:50Uh.
00:06:51But, Eric, shut up.
00:06:52Well?
00:06:53Hmm?
00:06:54Uh.
00:06:55Ha!
00:06:56See?
00:06:57I knew it.
00:06:58I was just happy she noticed me.
00:06:59I knew you weren't a boyfriend.
00:07:00How much did she pay you to do this?
00:07:02She gave me $40 to stay with her.
00:07:04Paying someone $40 to be their boyfriend?
00:07:06Well, that's low.
00:07:07Well, that's funny.
00:07:08Cause Abby over here sure doesn't look like your girl.
00:07:11friend.
00:07:12Oh, yeah?
00:07:13How do you figure?
00:07:14Well, first of all, a girl has to have some standards.
00:07:17Look at her and look at you.
00:07:20Like trying to fit a small square peg into a round hole.
00:07:24And B, she doesn't smell like you.
00:07:28You were smelling me?
00:07:30That's it.
00:07:3140 bucks is not worth putting up with you freaks.
00:07:34Who's winning the limbo contest now?
00:07:37What?
00:07:38Just leave.
00:07:39Get going.
00:07:40Now.
00:07:41I'm not done with you, Neil.
00:07:42I'll be back for my stuff later.
00:07:43I doubt that you crazy psycho bitch!
00:07:47What a waste of $40.
00:07:48I don't know.
00:07:49I think she wants you back.
00:07:50Why would you even say something like that?
00:07:51Yeah, seriously, Eric.
00:07:52Why would you curse that upon him?
00:07:53He's better off now than ever.
00:07:54She doesn't want me back.
00:07:55She just wants to make my life miserable.
00:07:56Come on, Neil.
00:07:57That's not so funny.
00:07:58Uh-uh.
00:07:59I buy a good first slice.
00:08:00I hope you got meat lovers this time, Matt.
00:08:01Yeah, you would say that you do.
00:08:02What the hell are you still doing here?
00:08:03She also said I could take whatever I wanted.
00:08:04What?
00:08:05No!
00:08:06Get the hell out!
00:08:07Um.
00:08:08Okay.
00:08:09Um.
00:08:10Um.
00:08:11Um.
00:08:12Um.
00:08:13Um.
00:08:14Um.
00:08:15Um.
00:08:16Um.
00:08:17Um.
00:08:18Um.
00:08:19Um.
00:08:20Um.
00:08:21Um.
00:08:22Um.
00:08:23Um.
00:08:24Um.
00:08:25Um.
00:08:26Um.
00:08:27Um.
00:08:28Um.
00:08:29Um.
00:08:30These are ours.
00:08:31Sorry.
00:08:32Um.
00:08:33That too.
00:08:34Thanks.
00:08:35Huh.
00:08:36Well.
00:08:37Hold it.
00:08:38Hold it.
00:08:39You're good to go.
00:08:41You'd never be too sure with hobos.
00:08:47Geez.
00:08:48At least she's been such a bitch since I've broke up with her.
00:08:50I thought she broke up with you.
00:08:52Is that what she's been telling people?
00:08:53Forget about her, Neil.
00:08:54Well, I must not be too hasty, Matt.
00:08:57I mean.
00:08:58Breakups are a delicate situation.
00:08:59Like those russian fabric eggs
00:09:01It's Fabergé
00:09:03And no, no it's not, he dumped her
00:09:05Alright, that egg is smashed, move on
00:09:07I think you should re-examine the situation
00:09:09I mean, it's been like two days since you guys split
00:09:12About that, yeah
00:09:14Right, so there's some heated emotions getting in the way of everyone's thinking right now
00:09:17And you should probably just talk to her
00:09:19Nah, she just wants to move on
00:09:21Get her goods and go
00:09:22I mean, she broke in here
00:09:24Rash, yes, but if you look past all the raw emotion
00:09:27You might be able to see what you actually want from all this
00:09:30Nah, I don't think so
00:09:32Why did you guys even break up? You two were perfect together
00:09:35She was... too loud
00:09:38Heh, tell me about it
00:09:40No, I mean, in bed
00:09:42What?
00:09:44I wanted to liven things up, so I told her to be louder
00:09:47Get into it
00:09:49And... she took it way too far
00:09:51Started yelling and screaming, you know, really getting into it
00:09:54Wait, so that's why I used to crank your music?
00:09:57Funny I like those tunes
00:09:59I'll never listen to Rock You Like a Hurricane the same way again
00:10:02I told her to tone it down, but she said it was only getting better for her the louder and angrier she got
00:10:07And that's when we started to fight
00:10:09But before all that, don't you miss being with her?
00:10:12Well...
00:10:13Neil, don't listen to him
00:10:14Look, you got your own boob tube right here
00:10:16Yeah, I guess you're right
00:10:17I mean, I hadn't been spending that much time with you guys while I was with Lisa
00:10:20Nothing like pizza and TV, right?
00:10:22Yeah, two pizza pies coming right up
00:10:24Wait, you got pie?
00:10:25No, you douchefag
00:10:26It's not actually pie
00:10:27I'm just calling it pizza pie like the gangsters of old New York used to do
00:10:31I've never heard of that before
00:10:33Yeah, me neither
00:10:34Does anyone still call it that?
00:10:36Does it matter?
00:10:37It's cool
00:10:38Unique
00:10:39Uncommon
00:10:40And with good reason
00:10:41No way
00:10:42Look, a grinder is a hoagie is a footlong
00:10:43They're all tasty sandwiches
00:10:45I'm just saying
00:10:46Pizza pie?
00:10:47It doesn't sound that appetizing
00:10:49Excuse me, I'd like a pizza
00:10:51Put some whipped cream and cheese on it
00:10:53Ooh, and some sprinkles
00:10:54Yum yum
00:10:55Yeah, it's like cheesecake
00:10:56It just doesn't sound like you'd ever want to eat it
00:10:58What do you have against cheesecake?
00:11:00Yeah
00:11:01Listen to it
00:11:02Cheese
00:11:03Cake
00:11:04Sounds like someone took some fresh Gouda and threw it on some crust
00:11:07I mean, I like cheese and all
00:11:09But a big hunkin' slab of thick gooey just never really tempted me
00:11:13You do know it's not actually cheese
00:11:15Well, I know that now, but when I was little the name was all I had to go on
00:11:19No, he's right
00:11:20Bullshit
00:11:21I'm just saying, a whole cake full of cheese, it sounds a little... ugh
00:11:27What the hell's that?
00:11:30I can't really describe it
00:11:31You still haven't
00:11:32I boiled it down to an action
00:11:34What the hell is that?
00:11:35That doesn't say shit to me
00:11:37Yeah, it does
00:11:38It's like, uh, too sweet
00:11:40What?
00:11:41No, not at all
00:11:42Yeah, no, it's like when you wipe your brow cause it's hot
00:11:44Or you keel over cause you're sick
00:11:46Going like... ugh... saying it's too sweet or something
00:11:50Eric, that's ridiculous
00:11:52Well, that's what I did
00:11:53Dude, no wonder Lisa broke up with you
00:11:55You can't even communicate your own fucking thoughts
00:11:57Hey, that was a low blow
00:11:59I broke up with her, remember? She's the crazy one
00:12:01And don't you forget it
00:12:02I just had to refocus your anger onto her
00:12:04We're all friends here
00:12:05Let's get to that TV
00:12:12So where the hell is Howie?
00:12:13We can't watch TV without him
00:12:14Did we lose it?
00:12:15Get his whistle
00:12:16Got it!
00:12:17Come on
00:12:18I hear him
00:12:19Again
00:12:20Found him
00:12:22Oh Howie, thank God
00:12:24How could we ever lose you?
00:12:25Did we lose it?
00:12:26Did we lose it?
00:12:27Get his whistle
00:12:28Good thing we attached this locator to him just in case
00:12:29Oh, put this back, Eric
00:12:30Oh, howie, thank God
00:12:31How could we ever lose you?
00:12:32Good thing we attached this locator to him just in case
00:12:33Oh, put this back, Eric
00:12:34No, Eric, in its holder
00:12:35If we lose that whistle and then Howie again, we're screwed
00:12:37I hear him
00:12:38I hear him
00:12:39I hear him
00:12:40Again
00:12:41I hear him
00:12:42Again
00:12:47Found him
00:12:48Oh Howie, thank God
00:12:49How could we ever lose you?
00:12:51Good thing we attached this locator to him just in case
00:12:54Oh, put this back, Eric
00:12:55No, Eric, in its holder
00:13:00If we lose that whistle and then Howie again, we're screwed
00:13:02Okay, okay
00:13:04Yeah, we'll be back to where we were before, Lisa
00:13:07Remote-less
00:13:09And thus TV-less
00:13:10Remember when we broke a remote and got stuck on the Spanish-owned shopping network?
00:13:14Ah, si, si
00:13:15Go on per a espanola, todo el día, diario
00:13:18Tuvimos que desenchufa la TV centena remoto
00:13:21¿Listo a mirar la TV?
00:13:23Vámonos, baby
00:13:24I love you, Howie
00:13:25Look how cute he is
00:13:26So much better than that dog we wanted
00:13:28I know
00:13:29I stole him when I broke up with Lisa
00:13:31She got him when we were still together
00:13:33Said she needed something size-wise in her life
00:13:39Well fuck her, I stole the remote
00:13:41Right
00:13:43Well anyway, like we said, good thing
00:13:45It's been a good addition to our family
00:13:47Jeez, girls are complicated
00:13:49Yeah, but TV isn't
00:13:51Or maybe it is
00:13:55Damn it
00:13:57No, no, I'll fix it
00:13:59Yeah, from the sound of it
00:14:01Girls never seem to say what they're thinking
00:14:03It's like you need some sort of decoder ring to figure it out
00:14:05Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
00:14:07Oh, oh, oh, you got it
00:14:08Who can read that?
00:14:09These are police reports
00:14:11What were you saying, Eric?
00:14:12I was just saying it
00:14:13You seem like a good kid
00:14:15I think you'll fit in just fine at the National Security Agency
00:14:17Anyway
00:14:19Here's your first code to break
00:14:23Did a girl write this?
00:14:27It looks like a break-up note
00:14:29What?
00:14:30Yeah, it looks like she's trying to break up
00:14:35Impossible
00:14:37You've had a super computer working on that one for four months
00:14:40I just read it
00:14:42No, no, you did much more than that
00:14:44You're good
00:14:46Here
00:14:48Try this one
00:14:50Looks like she's avoiding sex tonight
00:14:55It's a common avoidance maneuver
00:14:57How could we be so blind?
00:14:59Quickly, come with me
00:15:05Director
00:15:06What is the meaning of this?
00:15:07The new guy
00:15:08He's a crypto analysis prodigy
00:15:10He can crack anything
00:15:12Well, is that so?
00:15:14Let's see if he can crack this
00:15:20It's a trick
00:15:23It has to be
00:15:24What do you mean?
00:15:26A yes or no answer will lead to disaster
00:15:28This is a question not meant to be answered
00:15:31Where did you get this?
00:15:33My wife
00:15:36Well, that was weird
00:15:38Yeah, it was almost like
00:15:39The television
00:15:41Is watching
00:15:42You
00:15:45Okay
00:15:46After that, I need something to drink
00:15:50I'll have an MD
00:15:51What?
00:15:52Oh, come on Eric
00:15:53You lost to the nose game
00:15:54You're the last person to touch their nose after a request
00:15:56So, you gotta take the walk of shame
00:15:58What?
00:15:59That's a stupid game
00:16:00Who came up with that?
00:16:01It's been passed down from generation to generation
00:16:03It's creation lost to the sands of time
00:16:05I think it started with Jesus and his apostles
00:16:07You know who was who he ended there
00:16:08It's an invaluable tool for lazy people with quick hands everywhere
00:16:11Yeah, you know Matt's got the quickest hands around
00:16:13All those years of solitary practice
00:16:15Yep, and now you're taking a walk
00:16:17But I don't
00:16:18I don't
00:16:19No, sorry Eric
00:16:20It's the rules
00:16:21I just gotta know
00:16:22Why the nose?
00:16:23Well, I think if you stuck your finger up your ass it would cause a few problems after multiple attempts
00:16:27Yeah, some rough attempts for a twisted tootsie roll
00:16:30What?
00:16:31Wicked
00:16:32No, no, no
00:16:33It is strange
00:16:35I guess I can understand it though
00:16:37Your hand isn't normally near your face
00:16:38You gotta be quick if you wanna avoid being the last one
00:16:40Yeah, totally
00:16:41Hey, don't think we're gonna forget
00:16:42I'll have an MD
00:16:43Ugh, fine
00:16:45Yeah, there's been a lot of weird, stupid things that have been invented over time
00:16:54Like this thing
00:16:55Seriously, who thinks of this shit?
00:16:57Someone missing a finger, I guess
00:16:58Yeah, but how does everyone even know about that?
00:17:00I mean, before the internet people were like, dumb
00:17:03I don't know, I guess people maybe did it at family gatherings in order to entertain each other and then they passed it on or something
00:17:10Maybe they read it in the newspaper
00:17:12Yeah, but still, how did that first person figure that out?
00:17:15Luck?
00:17:16I'm not so sure
00:17:17I think one guy was just puffing on some wacky weed, shoved his thumb between his fingers and figured out pulling his finger off
00:17:23I mean, people like that are really into weird, trippy shit like this
00:17:26Yeah, tell me about it
00:17:27I used to have this one friend who smoked a lot of dope and one day when he was at his usual Chinese buffet
00:17:31He thought he could understand what the workers were saying
00:17:33He called me up and said I can learn Chinese by smoking weed
00:17:35What?
00:17:36Turns out the workers were trying to learn Spanish and my friend was a fluent Spanish translator
00:17:40Huh, people these days
00:17:42Well, whoever figured that out was probably related to this guy
00:17:45Yeah, that one's a classic
00:17:47Wherever it came from
00:17:48At least I never knew about that one
00:17:51Oh god, not her again
00:17:52Look, just let that slut go
00:17:54Sorry man, I've just been thinking about her
00:17:56She's been acting really weird lately
00:17:58I mean, I guess I can understand her breaking and entering
00:18:01But bringing that smelly hobo in here?
00:18:03Dude, just let it go
00:18:04Alright?
00:18:05And once you realize you're better off living the life of a bachelor
00:18:08You'll be living the high life like me
00:18:09You'll be getting drinks served to you, watch all sorts of great TV
00:18:12You'll be one with...
00:18:14Don't say universe
00:18:15I was gonna say couch
00:18:17Yeah, I guess you're right
00:18:19I mean, what do you think about her bringing that hobo in here?
00:18:21I mean, he could have let some germs behind or something
00:18:23Don't you think it's a little weird that she tried to make it seem like he was her boyfriend?
00:18:27I don't know
00:18:28I thought it was weirder that we missed him
00:18:30The second time
00:18:31Eric, where's that drink?
00:18:33You can't have pizza pie without a cold MD
00:18:35Yeah, it's coming
00:18:41You gonna answer that?
00:18:42Nope
00:18:43What if it's important?
00:18:44Well, if it's important, they'll call back
00:18:46You're not even gonna screen it
00:18:48And waste the time?
00:18:49I know I'm not gonna answer it
00:18:53See? Problem solved
00:18:58No way, dude
00:18:59There's only two of us here, you can't do that
00:19:00Besides, you're closer
00:19:01Can't deny that
00:19:06Geez, remind me never to call you if I ever go to the prison
00:19:08Hello
00:19:11Oh, hey Scott
00:19:13Yeah, we're all here
00:19:15Nah, Lisa's on the prowl
00:19:17I don't know
00:19:19I don't know
00:19:21I don't know
00:19:22I don't care
00:19:24Yeah, okay, see ya
00:19:28What do you want?
00:19:29He's on his way over
00:19:30What for?
00:19:31I don't know
00:19:32Does he wanna watch TV?
00:19:33I don't know
00:19:34Well, when's he gonna be here?
00:19:35I don't know
00:19:36What if Lisa sees him?
00:19:37I don't care
00:19:39Geez, what do you know?
00:19:40I'm fucking thirsty
00:19:41And someone owes me a drink
00:19:42Eric!
00:19:43Yeah, it's coming
00:19:44But I found something though
00:19:46Some sort of doll
00:19:47You mean one of your action figures?
00:19:49Hey, those are collectible
00:19:50And no, this is definitely a doll
00:19:52It looks like some kind of voodoo doll
00:19:57Geez, look at this thing
00:20:00Lisa must have left it here
00:20:01Looks kinda like Neil
00:20:03Why would you even start something like that?
00:20:05Yeah, it does look like him
00:20:06You too, Eric?
00:20:07Not really
00:20:08It looks just like you
00:20:09It's pretty beat up, too
00:20:10What?
00:20:11It looks like the arms have been stabbed
00:20:13Oh my god
00:20:14And it looks like the head's been reattached
00:20:17It can't be
00:20:18And right here where the heart used to be
00:20:19is now Twizzler
00:20:21Well, that's not that bad
00:20:22It's black licorice
00:20:23She is psychotic
00:20:24I wonder if it works
00:20:29Oh my god, it's working
00:20:30Let's try making him kiss his own ass
00:20:32No, you schmucks
00:20:33I was just messing with you
00:20:34Do you think that thing actually works?
00:20:36Well, it might have
00:20:37I mean, remember that one day
00:20:38we had to reattach your decapitated head?
00:20:40It's just like this voodoo doll
00:20:42You can't be serious
00:20:44Oh, wait, that was a dream I had
00:20:47You dream about me?
00:20:49It's okay, Matt
00:20:50I dream about you guys, too
00:20:52I don't dream about you guys
00:20:54Wait, what do you dream about?
00:20:56Just, you know, the three of us living together
00:20:57Forever
00:20:58Forever
00:20:59I love it here
00:21:00That's fucking creepy, dude
00:21:02Well, you dream about Neil's head being cut off
00:21:03I don't dream about any of you
00:21:07There, there, we weren't fighting
00:21:09There, there, Howie
00:21:10We're upsetting him
00:21:11I think he'll be okay
00:21:13He knows we're friends
00:21:14It's not a real person, Eric
00:21:15I'm just making a point that Lisa's a crazy psycho bitch
00:21:17with voodoo Neil dolls
00:21:19What, by talking to the remote?
00:21:20By luring him back to the couch
00:21:21with the seductive calls of Howie
00:21:23It's TV that'll never do you wrong
00:21:25I'm sure she's just venting or something
00:21:26You know, getting her anger out in non-harmful ways
00:21:30I'm sure she's hurt that you guys broke up
00:21:32She might even be trying to patch things up
00:21:34Patch things up?
00:21:35What, like my head back to my torso?
00:21:37Eric, Lisa clearly wants this guy dead
00:21:39I don't know about that
00:21:41Anger is her form of communication
00:21:43Unconventional?
00:21:45Yeah, but it's been consistent since the breakup
00:21:47What I see is that she's planning something bigger
00:21:50I keep thinking
00:21:52she can't handle this breakup the way I can
00:21:53I think I need to do something about this
00:21:56See, there's a problem right there
00:21:57You're thinking about things
00:21:59We all know the cure for thinking, don't we boys?
00:22:01TV
00:22:03It happens here every Friday night
00:22:06Yeah, Ted over here is going to help us out with this operation
00:22:09You ready, Ted?
00:22:11Yeah, let's do this, come on
00:22:13Alright
00:22:15God, they think it's some kind of game
00:22:17Sick
00:22:21Hey guys
00:22:23Ted, Ted, what are you doing here?
00:22:25Ted, your character died
00:22:27Flagroth, the wizard mage died and left the dragon
00:22:29Go, go, go
00:22:31Everyone freeze, everybody freeze
00:22:33What's going on?
00:22:35What? Nothing, I don't have anything
00:22:37What do you want?
00:22:39Give me that, give me that
00:22:41Dice, that's a felony man
00:22:42Oh my god
00:22:44No
00:22:46You know
00:22:47You can't have them
00:22:48I need them
00:22:50Okay, coming downtown with them
00:22:51What?
00:22:52Coming downtown, you dare to make me sick
00:22:54Oh my god
00:22:55Oh my god, my mom's going to kill me
00:23:01Well, that was interesting
00:23:03Lee bad
00:23:05Man, TV's been sucking recently
00:23:07Seems like our society is degenerating into a populace
00:23:08that's only interested in lower and lower forms of entertainment
00:23:11That's perpetuating the de-evolution of our culture
00:23:16Wow, that was really sophisticated though, dude
00:23:18Yeah, right on the back of the cereal box
00:23:20Wow, what kind of cereal do you eat?
00:23:22Philosophicos
00:23:24Wow
00:23:26I was kidding, you douchefag
00:23:28I have to disagree with you, Matt
00:23:30I'm sure he's a douchefag
00:23:32I think he meant about the TV sucking, Matt
00:23:34Here, let me show you the TV's not completely down the tubes
00:23:36Careful with him, soft hands
00:23:38There's gotta be some quality stuff on here to watch
00:23:40I wouldn't doubt it
00:23:42TV's got all sorts of hidden gems
00:23:44You probably won't find much though, most of it's pretty crappy
00:23:46I don't know, Matt, we've had some great times in here together
00:23:48Do us proud, Neil
00:23:50Good luck
00:23:52Balls, balls, balls
00:23:54We've got all sorts of balls
00:23:56Big balls, little balls, yellow balls, frisbee balls, black balls, blue balls, ugly balls, blue balls, salty balls
00:24:00Then I mentioned blue balls, everyone loves balls
00:24:02Have we got a deal for you
00:24:03Buy a ball, get a ball
00:24:05Come in for a pair today at Big Al's Big Balls Emporium
00:24:09Hmm, QED
00:24:11Wow
00:24:13Betrayed by our own TV
00:24:15How could this be?
00:24:16Oh, it's pretty simple
00:24:18People are subjected to many forms of entertainment
00:24:20All the new forms have to push the risque limits in order to garner the most attention
00:24:23It's a recipe for disaster
00:24:25No, I mean about you being right
00:24:27You're almost never right, especially about how your precious TV is losing its luster
00:24:30Well, you tend to look past it and enjoy it for what it is
00:24:33I don't know, guys, there's still some good stuff out there
00:24:35Like this hit new superhero show my internet blogging sites keep talking about
00:24:39This better not be another one of your stupid Asian cartoons
00:24:42Jeez, Matt, it's called anime, and no, this isn't
00:24:45Yeah, good, because I don't think I could take another five minutes of anime lines, over-expressions, and senseless emphasis
00:24:51What?
00:24:52Oh, come on, every anime is-
00:24:53Hello! How are you doing?
00:24:56Well, it's none of that
00:24:57Yeah, we'll see
00:24:58Heads up
00:25:00Nice catch
00:25:01Wouldn't want to hurt your precious baby
00:25:03Hey
00:25:04That's all of our babies
00:25:07Okay, so...
00:25:11For Christ's sake
00:25:18Hello?
00:25:19Hi
00:25:20Yep
00:25:22Mm-hmm
00:25:24Right here
00:25:28It's Lisa
00:25:29Lisa!
00:25:30Yes, Neil. You still have more of my stuff
00:25:34Don't play Koi, Neil. I know you're there
00:25:40It was the wrong number
00:25:42It was Lisa
00:25:44Is she seriously gonna do this?
00:25:46How about that show, Eric?
00:25:48No way! I refuse to have my entertainment sphere be penetrated by this psycho
00:25:51Either you settle this, or I will
00:25:54Maybe it's not even her
00:25:57See?
00:25:59Oh, that is it
00:26:01Lisa! You're being permanently disconnected
00:26:05Oh, man
00:26:06I always wanted to have a bitch on one-liner like that
00:26:09Oh, that settles that
00:26:11That was extreme
00:26:12Hey, she had it coming
00:26:13Why do you always have to be the beaver in Neil's dam, Matt?
00:26:18You've been causing a lot of problems lately
00:26:20What do you come up with this stuff, Eric? That was actually pretty...
00:26:23He never answers the first one
00:26:29Just...waiting it out
00:26:31There
00:26:32There
00:26:35This is something else
00:26:36I swear to god
00:26:38Neil
00:26:39What?
00:26:40No, wait
00:26:41Lisa has my phone
00:26:43Good call
00:26:44I'm proud of you
00:26:46Just turned it off
00:26:48I hate when my dome is assaulted
00:26:49This is why girls are the root of all evil
00:26:51Let's just get to that show
00:26:53Maybe you should just talk to her
00:26:55She has been very forward
00:26:56Eric!
00:26:57Yeah, okay
00:26:58This is the college crew
00:27:02Frat man with a stomach of infinite capacity
00:27:08Blaine with the power of social invisibility
00:27:14Has a car lad
00:27:16Who has a car?
00:27:19And Amazo with the power of telekinesis
00:27:22Wow, what an awful show
00:27:30Yeah, there weren't any good superheroes made anymore
00:27:33Because it can't be the classic superheroes
00:27:35Like Batman
00:27:36Please, are you kidding me? Batman?
00:27:38Come on, he wasn't that bad
00:27:39I don't give any shit about Batman
00:27:40Ooh, he's not a real superhero
00:27:41He's got a lot of money
00:27:43Ooh, he keeps a small boy in a cave, ooh
00:27:45Well, that's true, he did keep a small boy in a cave
00:27:48But he was a dark hero
00:27:49Bound to service by the events of his childhood
00:27:51That's not even the fucking problem
00:27:53And he's basically Sherlock Holmes with a cool accent
00:27:56And I'm gonna fight crime by being a detective
00:27:58Yeah, that's cool
00:27:59Oh please, who's your superhero?
00:28:00Spider-Man
00:28:01The semen slinger?
00:28:03Spider-Man's kinda cool, I guess
00:28:05At least he actually has superpowers
00:28:07I mean, Peter Parker's original conception
00:28:09Was to make science cool and relate to other teenagers
00:28:11He was a high school student
00:28:12And he dealt with everyday problems
00:28:13I could totally see that happening
00:28:15Now, originally Peter Parker was a jock with brains
00:28:18Totally not happening
00:28:19At least Batman's a hero that you could go around saying
00:28:22With a little hard work and studying, I could be him someday
00:28:25You wouldn't spend the rest of your life looking for a radioactive beetle
00:28:28Radioactive beetle
00:28:30Batman couldn't even keep his villains under control
00:28:32It's a nice job security if you ask me
00:28:34What?
00:28:35The movies such as Wayne Enterprises must have had a hand in sales
00:28:38Such as security devices to shipping and construction
00:28:40Making sure his villains weren't truly locked away forever
00:28:42Batman had a pretty good guarantee that Gotham would be facing some tough times ahead
00:28:46He'd be making profit repairing all the destruction caused by his publicly hated thorns
00:28:50Meanwhile ensuring a positive life for Batman and a financial foothold for Wayne Enterprises
00:28:54So you're saying Batman actually expects his villains to escape?
00:28:56Totally
00:28:57If he's so technologically advanced, how come each of his villains has escaped like a hundred times?
00:29:01Well, they have to keep the cast of characters relatively contained
00:29:04People love seeing some of their favorite villains
00:29:06Sure, and Bruce Wayne profits from it all
00:29:08I mean, if you're here as the almighty dollar, then B-Money's your man
00:29:10Well, what about Superman, guys? He's always been my hero
00:29:14Okay, talk about Lane
00:29:16Yeah, totally, come on
00:29:17Man of Steel, Truth, Justice, and the American Way
00:29:19The only real American way is Captain America
00:29:21It's in his fucking title
00:29:22Yeah, Superman's way too damn powerful to be a good hero
00:29:25Plus we should do what we do with all illegal aliens and throw them out of the country
00:29:29Superman's character is all about the social struggles of being different
00:29:32Yeah, but he looks great to the flying as Jack Beyond the Leaf
00:29:35Oh, yeah, that's totally a social outcast
00:29:38And yet everything is such a huge struggle for his super strength, too
00:29:41Like, he can stop a meteor from falling at 500 miles an hour, but he has trouble lifting a fucking car
00:29:46I mean, it's like super strength is the ability to be jaw strong enough for a given task
00:29:49What a crock of shit
00:29:50Yeah, totally
00:29:51I kinda like your show, Eric
00:29:53College kids don't really act like that
00:29:57Yeah, though... I could use an MD
00:30:00I'll drive
00:30:03Woohoo! Team to myself
00:30:05Eric, hold the fort
00:30:07And if Lisa comes around again, call the cops
00:30:09Geez, dude, why are you gonna keep bringing her up?
00:30:11You can never be too careful, I'm just...
00:30:13No one hangs up on me!
00:30:15She's still here!
00:30:18Shit, dude!
00:30:19What do we do? What do we do?
00:30:20Why didn't you feel her with your sense?
00:30:22I don't know
00:30:23Shut up, Eric!
00:30:24You can't go out there now, not with her watching and waiting
00:30:27Lisa, what do you want?
00:30:29Do you want me to say it in front of everyone? You know what I want!
00:30:32No, I don't. That's why I asked you.
00:30:37No, don't!
00:30:38Shh! Get out of here!
00:30:40I think she saw you guys
00:30:43Neil, just open the door!
00:30:45Don't drive!
00:30:46I'm alright, Neil!
00:30:47I'm alright, open the door!
00:30:50I'm alright, Neil!
00:30:51Open the door!
00:30:52I just wanna talk!
00:30:53I'm alright!
00:30:55Open the door!
00:30:57I'm alright, Neil!
00:30:59Open the door!
00:31:00I just wanna talk!
00:31:01I'm alright!
00:31:03Come on, please!
00:31:05Neil!
00:31:06No, no way, man!
00:31:07I've seen this shit before!
00:31:08Don't do it!
00:31:09Neil, just open the door!
00:31:10I'm alright!
00:31:11What if she's serious? What if she just wants to talk?
00:31:12No way, man! It's just a lure!
00:31:14I hope praying animals have one!
00:31:15She's just trying to lull you into a false sense of security!
00:31:17Then she's gonna put a fucking axe in your head!
00:31:19Come on, man! You don't need this! Let's go!
00:31:29Neil! Don't make an army!
00:31:31I think I should go talk to her!
00:31:32No, no, no, no!
00:31:33Shh! You don't need her, alright?
00:31:35I don't think you should listen to him, Neil.
00:31:37Yeah? Listen to this.
00:31:40Hey there! I'm Steve, and this is Travels with Steve.
00:31:53On today's adventure, we're gonna tell you all about beautiful Worcester, Mass.
00:31:58Get out of here!
00:32:03She's like a zombie or something, hanging around our door.
00:32:06No way. A zombie would be smarter. Better looking, too.
00:32:09Guys, zombies don't exist.
00:32:11Oh, yeah? That's what the government wants you to think.
00:32:14Impossible.
00:32:15You know, Ignatz is a zombie's greatest ally. Knowledge, their worst enemy.
00:32:18So you're trying to tell us that the Walking Dead are real?
00:32:21Why wouldn't they be?
00:32:22I mean, think about it. There's hundreds of thousands of undiscovered plant and animal life out there in the world.
00:32:26What's to say the Walking Dead isn't one of them?
00:32:28Science. An organism that survives without the need for oxygen?
00:32:31Evolution at its finest.
00:32:32Animating a dead body?
00:32:34Shutting down a currently functioning one by attacking the central part of the brain.
00:32:37Restarting it as a shell of its former self, using electrical impulses already hardwired in all of us.
00:32:42The craving for human flesh?
00:32:43A myth. A source of energy isn't needed by the virus.
00:32:46Though the hunt for living flesh is an unfortunate byproduct of it.
00:32:49No way, zombies aren't threatening. I can power walk faster than them.
00:32:52Oh yeah? A zombie's power, unlike the mythical vampire or otherwise, is in its numbers, not the individual.
00:32:58Their tirelessness and their sheer volume is what makes them so terrifying.
00:33:01If you were confronted with one Z, I'd hope you'd win, but...
00:33:04Now consider this entire block, or even this whole city, infested.
00:33:08What would you do? Where would you go?
00:33:10I, um... I'd go home. I live in the country.
00:33:14Okay. Now consider the psychological threat.
00:33:17What if your father, your mother, or even your best friend became infected?
00:33:21How would you kill that?
00:33:23The constant beating, banging, barraging on the door?
00:33:28Disturbing you while you eat, sleep, or watch TV?
00:33:31Stop it! You're scaring me!
00:33:33There, there, Eric. Just trying to save you now while I can.
00:33:37I'll take your mind off it.
00:33:47The most terrifying thing is happening in your bed.
00:33:57In the shower.
00:33:59No matter where you run, you're going to be...
00:34:03F***ed by fear.
00:34:07You're not that scared for a chick.
00:34:11Summer 2012!
00:34:13Top one's cough, and bottom one's wing, and the rest are marbles, and the night turtles are marbles.
00:34:19The giant crabs are everywhere! Everyone, run for your lives! Run!
00:34:26I think that slut Lisa is infected or something.
00:34:28Is the one that cream I mentioned?
00:34:30Hey, that's not nice.
00:34:31Hey, I'm just saying. Maybe she's some sort of demon zombie who craves pissing off her ex-boyfriend and his TV-watching friends!
00:34:36No. I mean calling her a... a slut. I don't think that's really nice of you.
00:34:42Look, sorry dude, but it comes with the territory. I mean, she was the one who decided to go all uber bitch. She can take her title with her.
00:34:47Neil, I'm sure you don't think calling her a... is right, ex-girlfriend or not.
00:34:53I don't know. I think she slept with about twelve guys. I think. I never really asked her that.
00:34:58I guess that's kind of slutty if you care about that sort of thing.
00:35:01Yeah, see? Total slut. It's not like she, I don't know, sucked 37 dicks or anything.
00:35:05Whoa, whoa, whoa! That's completely different!
00:35:07Come on guys, this isn't right.
00:35:09What do you mean?
00:35:10You're saying that sucking 37 dicks isn't a slutty to sleeping with twelve guys?
00:35:13Totally not.
00:35:14No way.
00:35:15No way.
00:35:16Eric, 37 dicks or twelve guys, which is sluttier?
00:35:19I don't feel comfortable talking about this, guys.
00:35:21Come on, douchefag. May not have an answer to the question.
00:35:23Well, I mean, sexual intercourse is something special shared between two lovers, and it shouldn't be entered in too lightly.
00:35:31I think if a girl is just throwing herself around like that, well then, she's not a very good-willed girl.
00:35:37I can see what you mean. It's just, 37 dicks is a lot of dick.
00:35:43I don't think the term slut should be thrown around like a nickname.
00:35:46You think slut, you think sex. Twelve guys? Total slut.
00:35:49This is like what? Twenty-one, twenty-two?
00:35:51Twenty-three!
00:35:52Right, twenty-three.
00:35:53So let's say she gets her first name when she's eighteen.
00:35:55That's like three guys per year. Total slut.
00:35:57Well, by that method, let's say she was a teeny bopper and started experimenting when she was fifteen.
00:36:01With 37 dicks, that's five d per y.
00:36:04Deeper y?
00:36:05Yeah, d per y. Dicks per year.
00:36:06Oh.
00:36:07That's not even considering her relationship spans.
00:36:09Even if she wasn't sucking other dick during relationships, an average relationship span of, say, six months,
00:36:15the frequency of dicks has to go up when she's single in order to maintain that five d per y.
00:36:20Oh.
00:36:21I feel awful when I think of it like that.
00:36:24At least I never did anything like that, though. I was just saying that to prove my point.
00:36:28That was a mouthful.
00:36:31You guys are awful, saying things like that.
00:36:34Man, that is a lot of dick. I'm gonna have to rethink this one.
00:36:37Man.
00:36:39I could use a drink.
00:36:41Yeah, me too.
00:36:44What are you doing?
00:36:45Not getting my drink.
00:36:47Yeah, but you start with your hand on your nose.
00:36:49That's the game.
00:36:50No, that's total disqualification. You can't start with your finger on your nose.
00:36:53What? Why?
00:36:55Because then you could just never have to get your own stuff.
00:36:57You get an advantage of being the asker, but that's it. Sorry, dude.
00:37:00I'll have an MD.
00:37:02What?
00:37:03Punishment for your crime against humanity.
00:37:05Humanity?
00:37:06Gonna make an example out of this one. Sorry, Eric.
00:37:08You know, Matt, it seems like I'm always getting you a drink.
00:37:11But someday, somebody else is gonna get mine.
00:37:14Heh, gotta pickin' battles, man.
00:37:16Hey!
00:37:17Ain't nothin'.
00:37:18No really, I think Lisa's gone.
00:37:19Again? Maybe it's for good this time.
00:37:21She can't really be gone.
00:37:23Why don't you go check?
00:37:24I can't.
00:37:25Why not?
00:37:26She might do something dumb when you saw the voodoo doll.
00:37:28Maybe you're overthinking the situation.
00:37:29Your fear seems out of place.
00:37:30I don't wanna get my head cut off.
00:37:31Look, Neil, you want her gone, but you're concerned that she is.
00:37:33Why don't you reassess the situation and then talk to her?
00:37:35Yeah, don't listen to this douchebag.
00:37:36Alright, we've had so much fun that I just can't get it.
00:37:37I can't get it.
00:37:38I can't get it.
00:37:39I can't get it.
00:37:40I can't get it.
00:37:41I can't get it.
00:37:42I can't get it.
00:37:43I can't get it.
00:37:44I can't get it.
00:37:45I can't get it.
00:37:46I can't get it.
00:37:47I can't get it.
00:37:48I can't get it.
00:37:49Look, Neil, you want her gone, but you're concerned that she is.
00:37:52Why don't you reassess the situation and then talk to her?
00:37:55Neil, don't listen to this douchebag.
00:37:56Alright, we've had so much fun today just kicking back and watching TV.
00:37:59It's like I said, girls are high maintenance and dangerous no matter who they are.
00:38:02It's for the better.
00:38:03Yeah, but-
00:38:04Yeah, but you can work, come home, and watch TV.
00:38:06We can make fun of Eric together.
00:38:07It's worked for me and life is great.
00:38:09Yeah, but don't you want more?
00:38:10Hell no.
00:38:11I know to go and get more just leads you down a troublesome trail.
00:38:14I'd rather stick with what works.
00:38:15Look, you tried to trek down the love life path and now you're shitting bricks cause of it.
00:38:18So you know what?
00:38:19Come back to the couch.
00:38:20Your seat's getting cold.
00:38:21Neil, just check.
00:38:23Lisa's been at this for some time now.
00:38:25Give her a chance.
00:38:26Trust me.
00:38:27There might still be some electricity left in this one.
00:38:29I think I'm going to listen to Eric on this one, Matt, alright?
00:38:33It'll only be a minute.
00:38:34I'm telling you, dude.
00:38:36Security surrounds this couch.
00:38:37I know it for certain.
00:38:39See you in a bit.
00:38:41I'll wait here.
00:38:48Lisa!
00:38:49Neil!
00:38:50What the hell are you doing?
00:38:51You weren't going to cut that cord were you?
00:38:52Am I not?
00:38:53Do you want to shock yourself to death?
00:38:54At this point I'd let you if it wasn't powering our TV.
00:38:59Oh, of course.
00:39:00Your precious TV.
00:39:01Geez, Neil.
00:39:02You've really taken a turn for the worse without me.
00:39:03What the hell is wrong with you?
00:39:04You've still got some of my stuff.
00:39:05I was getting to that.
00:39:06You'll get it.
00:39:07I just want to be alone.
00:39:08No.
00:39:09I can't be fine.
00:39:10No.
00:39:11To the rest of my life.
00:39:12It's on my face.
00:39:13You don't have to come out, I'm going to turn you.
00:39:14And I'm sorry.
00:39:15I'm sorry.
00:39:16What the hell do you want to have to do?
00:39:17What the hell is wrong with you?
00:39:18You weren't going to cut that cord were you?
00:39:20Why not?
00:39:21Do you want to shock yourself to death?
00:39:22At this point I'd let you if it wasn't powering our TV.
00:39:23Oh, of course, your precious TV.
00:39:24Geez Neil, you've really taken a turn for the worse without me.
00:39:27What the hell is wrong with you?
00:39:29You've still got some of my stuff.
00:39:31I was getting to that.
00:39:32You'll get it.
00:39:33I just wanna be alone.
00:39:35We are alone.
00:39:36That's not what I meant.
00:39:37We wanna watch TV in peace.
00:39:38Is that it?
00:39:39Is that what you're going to do with yourself?
00:39:41Just get a decent job and sit and settle?
00:39:43I want more.
00:39:44You should know what my ambitions are.
00:39:46Then get more.
00:39:47It's not gonna come to you in some song and dance.
00:39:50And those buffoons in there aren't going to help you.
00:39:52Well, Matt isn't at least.
00:39:54Those are my friends in there.
00:39:56Well, you have to understand that there comes a time in life
00:39:59where you have to start making decisions for yourself.
00:40:01What choice are you gonna make?
00:40:03You're not gonna make me do this, are you?
00:40:05Dammit, Neil, if not now, then when?
00:40:07Well, I'm certainly not gonna choose you.
00:40:09You're crazy.
00:40:10That wasn't the option.
00:40:11We're over, remember?
00:40:12Yeah.
00:40:13Good thing, too.
00:40:14You say that like it was some sort of prison sentence.
00:40:16Well, I sure as hell feel free now.
00:40:18Dammit, Neil, why are you siding with them?
00:40:20I didn't even say anything about them.
00:40:21You didn't have to.
00:40:23I came out here to talk to you.
00:40:24No, you came out here to save your precious TV time.
00:40:27What, are you just watching the Spanish shopping channel again?
00:40:30No, uh, we got a long stick.
00:40:33Well, I'm not leaving until I get what's mine.
00:40:36I know you're keeping them.
00:40:38We want you to leave.
00:40:39Why are you being such a bitch?
00:40:41Me?
00:40:42Didn't Matt send you down here to get rid of me?
00:40:44No, I came out here on my own.
00:40:47Liar.
00:40:48You can't make a decision for yourself, Neil.
00:40:50You've gotta have someone lead you around or you'll just hang around and veg.
00:40:56Yeah, well, you've got a poor reason for hanging around here.
00:40:59Dammit, I thought this was gonna resolve something.
00:41:01Just give me my stuff and we'll solve this issue.
00:41:04You're so damn possessive.
00:41:05Don't just walk away from me.
00:41:07What do you want me to do?
00:41:08You want your stuff?
00:41:09You've already taken everything else that's mine.
00:41:10Isn't that good enough for you?
00:41:11No, not at all.
00:41:13What do you even want them for, anyway?
00:41:16You just want an excuse to stay here, don't you?
00:41:18Yeah, you wish.
00:41:19You're just trying to get me to lead through reverse psychology.
00:41:22Well, it's not gonna work.
00:41:23What did I ever see in you?
00:41:25Don't sell a relationship so short.
00:41:27You couldn't enjoy it for what it was worth, remember?
00:41:30Be louder.
00:41:32Yeah, you certainly took a liking to that, didn't you?
00:41:34God, you're an asshole.
00:41:36That is really rubbing off on you.
00:41:38Yeah, well, you're crazy.
00:41:40I told you, don't just walk away from me.
00:41:42Watch me.
00:41:43Go to hell!
00:41:51So what do you think?
00:41:52Is it gonna work out?
00:41:53I think I should get mad at the drink.
00:41:55Told you, dude.
00:41:56Total bitch, huh?
00:41:57Neil, don't give up on her yet.
00:41:59If you're trying to pass things up, Eric, you're a fool.
00:42:02You're just overly concerned with what everyone else thinks of her.
00:42:05She can't hate you.
00:42:06She's doing everything in her power to bug the hell out of us.
00:42:09She gives a massacred doll of me.
00:42:11She must really hate me.
00:42:12Welcome back, dude.
00:42:14Damn it, Matt.
00:42:15Hey, I told you.
00:42:16Stability.
00:42:17I can assure you that she'll never treat you wrong.
00:42:18I don't know.
00:42:19I just...
00:42:20I can't help the feeling that Lisa's plotting something bigger.
00:42:21It's not like she's gonna blow up the apartment with her brain or anything.
00:42:22I guess so.
00:42:23What do you think Eric's on to, anyway?
00:42:24Probably just some Asian love-hate theory of his.
00:42:25Like those animes he watches.
00:42:26Oh, look.
00:42:27Here comes the matchmaker now.
00:42:28How did they meet him?
00:42:29I don't know.
00:42:30I don't know.
00:42:31I don't know.
00:42:32I don't know.
00:42:33I don't know.
00:42:34I don't know.
00:42:35I don't know.
00:42:36I don't know.
00:42:37I don't know.
00:42:38I don't know.
00:42:42How do they make it so green?
00:42:43What?
00:42:44Your drink.
00:42:45How do they make it so green?
00:42:46It's like the ooze from Ninja Turtles.
00:42:49You know, I always thought drinking M.D. would make me a turtle.
00:42:53A turtle.
00:42:56Not a martial artist.
00:42:57A turtle?
00:42:58Yeah, I think you'd be evolving the wrong way if you turned into a turtle.
00:43:01Well, then again, for you, that might be an improvement.
00:43:03Did you guys know that the creators of the turtles took cheese graters and they put them
00:43:07on their hand and swung it around?
00:43:09And that's how they came up with the idea for Shredder.
00:43:11Isn't that what your blogs tell you?
00:43:13Wiki.
00:43:14Oh, right.
00:43:15My second guess.
00:43:16You live on those websites, Eric, and yet you stay culturally ignorant and socially dense.
00:43:20Huh?
00:43:21Why did you win in a fight between the Power Rangers and the Ninja Turtles?
00:43:24Rangers?
00:43:25Huh.
00:43:26I'm just surprised you know who the Power Rangers are.
00:43:27Well, it did start out as a Japanese show called Super Sentai Series.
00:43:30That's right.
00:43:31You're an Asian kid stuck in an American body.
00:43:33How could I forget?
00:43:34You're such an Asia-American.
00:43:35What?
00:43:36Asia-American.
00:43:37An American kid so enveloped in Asian culture that he forgets his own roots.
00:43:40It's people like you that allowed the teriyaki flood to come rushing into our country.
00:43:44From food to fashion to entertainment.
00:43:46What, is America not good enough for you?
00:43:48You don't like our cheeseburgers and our fast cars?
00:43:50That's a bit harsh, man.
00:43:52That wouldn't be a fair fight anyway.
00:43:54I mean, there's only four turtles and five Power Rangers.
00:43:56No, it'd still be a fair fight.
00:43:57They got two girls who are just basically one dude.
00:43:59Turtles would still win.
00:44:01Oh wait, dude.
00:44:02The Rangers are way better.
00:44:03Dude, they're basically just different nationalities wearing different colored spandex and talking
00:44:06to a giant fucking floating head.
00:44:08Oh, cause talking to a giant rat is cooler than that.
00:44:10Hey, a genetically altered rat who knows martial arts.
00:44:12You can't beat that.
00:44:13They are better trained and more hardcore than the Rainbow Crew.
00:44:16Well, what about the Megazord?
00:44:18Alright, look.
00:44:19Every Power Rangers episode has the same damn formula.
00:44:211.
00:44:22There's a normal human problem.
00:44:23Billy's got homework.
00:44:24Or Kimberly chipped a nail.
00:44:25Oh no!
00:44:26Whatever.
00:44:272.
00:44:28Some big beastie comes down from outer space and gets fought by the Power Rangers.
00:44:303.
00:44:31The creature gets fucking gigantic.
00:44:324.
00:44:33The Rangers call out the Megazord and they go all Godzilla on the city, causing millions
00:44:35in structural and collateral damage.
00:44:37And 5.
00:44:38They finally get around to beating the monster and somehow manage to translate their success
00:44:41back to the problem at the beginning of the episode.
00:44:43By the words repeat, there's no way they could beat the better trained turtles.
00:44:46Well, the pattern is because the American show is comprised of footage from the original
00:44:49Japanese series.
00:44:51Ah, he's right.
00:44:52Bullshit.
00:44:53Not really, go back and watch the show.
00:44:54They were smart to use helmets to conceal the actors.
00:44:56The American show just cannibalized the footage from the Japanese one.
00:44:59Going all Godzilla was just a result of the Japanese audiences loving that man in a rubber
00:45:03suit type stuff.
00:45:04The Yellow Ranger was originally a dude in Japan.
00:45:06That's why she didn't wear a skirt.
00:45:08Whatever.
00:45:09They still couldn't beat the turtles.
00:45:10But they had the Megazord!
00:45:11Oh, so you're assuming they can use everything at their disposal?
00:45:13Of course they'd fucking win.
00:45:14They'd fucking stomp the turtles with a huge fucking robot.
00:45:17Turtles had a blimp?
00:45:18Shut up, Eric!
00:45:19It'd be like pitting a meat covered baby against a pit bull.
00:45:23So they would win.
00:45:25Shut up, Eric.
00:45:26Get my pocket knife out here.
00:45:28What the, what the hell?
00:45:31Oh no, that's a midget knife.
00:45:32Yeah, that's a knife.
00:45:34And dude, it's a tower.
00:45:36Seriously, a tower.
00:45:37You don't see that every day.
00:45:39A tower.
00:45:40A medieval tower.
00:45:42Can you imagine this with cannons and knights and shit?
00:45:45Wow!
00:45:46Wow!
00:45:47Jesus Christ!
00:45:48How'd you ever become a doctor?
00:45:50It was in your veins.
00:45:52Yeah!
00:45:53Yeah!
00:45:54Yeah!
00:45:55Fight the fight!
00:45:56I'll fight the fight!
00:45:57Yeah!
00:45:58Live for nothing or die for creed!
00:45:59CREED!
00:46:00CREED!
00:46:01Pain in the ass.
00:46:02I gave you an Oscar winning performance last time.
00:46:04And now you come around and chase me with a camera.
00:46:06Now I know what it feels like.
00:46:07Uh, the paparazzi chase you around cause you're so damn popular.
00:46:11This is XL.
00:46:13Yo, yo, yo.
00:46:14My main man Luke here spoiling a 1960 pre-Cold War short stack.
00:46:18He's been suffering with his crude Q for some time.
00:46:21Watch what happens when we take his lib locker and turn it into a bib locker.
00:46:26Oh, shh.
00:46:27Is that my locker?
00:46:28No, that...
00:46:29Is that my locker?
00:46:30Oh, my...
00:46:31Is that my...
00:46:32Oh, that is my locker!
00:46:33Oh, shh!
00:46:34Oh, my God!
00:46:35You got...
00:46:36Oh, mother...
00:46:37Oh, man!
00:46:38It's so...
00:46:39Check out the spinners!
00:46:40The spinners!
00:46:41Oh!
00:46:42Oh, my God!
00:46:43Oh, shh!
00:46:44Oh, shh!
00:46:45Yeah!
00:46:46Yeah!
00:46:47Oh, yeah!
00:46:48Oh, my God!
00:46:49Oh, man!
00:46:50It's so beautiful!
00:46:51I just wanna rub up against it!
00:46:53Oh!
00:46:54It's amazing!
00:46:55It's so...
00:46:56Jeez!
00:46:57Oh, my God!
00:46:58Oh, my God!
00:46:59Oh, the honeys are gonna be wanting to put their books in my locker!
00:47:02Oh!
00:47:03Oh, yeah!
00:47:04Oh, yeah!
00:47:05That's the only way I can get through the day.
00:47:18Jeez, man.
00:47:19Don't drop it in us.
00:47:20Yeah, what are you doing?
00:47:22I'm trying to see if Lisa's still here.
00:47:24Why?
00:47:25Anything?
00:47:26No.
00:47:27She must really be gone.
00:47:30I didn't want to embarrass you, Neil!
00:47:32But now I really don't care!
00:47:34I want my bras back!
00:47:36Guys, do you know what this means?
00:47:37To finally have the support you always dreamed of.
00:47:40No, Dad, I can't sense her anymore.
00:47:42She must be getting around it somehow.
00:47:44Maybe you don't sense your ex-girlfriends, but you only sense people who think of you as an ex-boyfriend.
00:47:51Which would mean, if she's starting to like you again, you can't sense her.
00:47:56That's ridiculous.
00:47:57Get off the couch, Eric.
00:47:59But no, no.
00:48:00No more ridiculous ideas.
00:48:02I don't know, guys.
00:48:03I think I'm onto something.
00:48:05If she's thinking of you as a boyfriend and all the mushy stuff that comes along with that, I could definitely explain why.
00:48:10You can't sense her.
00:48:11I'd be lucky if she doesn't kill me, let alone while thinking of me as a boyfriend when she doesn't.
00:48:15Oh, God, this is divine.
00:48:17TV is so much nicer with luxury seating.
00:48:19You guys are so lame!
00:48:21All you do is watch TV!
00:48:23Neil, I'm leaving!
00:48:24Sure this time?
00:48:25Is she really going?
00:48:27This could be it, Neil.
00:48:29She might really be leaving.
00:48:30Who cares?
00:48:31Shh!
00:48:32Seriously, you gotta just chill out, man.
00:48:35Come on.
00:48:36Shh!
00:48:37Just relax.
00:48:38Be happy for once.
00:48:39Matt, will you just have to-
00:48:40Shh!
00:48:43Oh, shit!
00:48:44She's coming in.
00:48:49Do something.
00:48:50You want me to do?
00:48:51Lock the door.
00:48:52It is locked.
00:48:53Grayson!
00:48:56Come on, Eric!
00:48:57No!
00:48:58I don't want to repeat their lock.
00:48:59Eric!
00:49:01I thought you said this was locked.
00:49:02I thought it was locked.
00:49:03Guys, it is locked.
00:49:05I locked it.
00:49:06The door is clearly not locked.
00:49:09Fucking door!
00:49:11Fucking slumlord!
00:49:14Damn it, Lisa!
00:49:15Just go away!
00:49:16You guys, it's just me!
00:49:17Scott?
00:49:20Jeez, what the hell was that about?
00:49:22Sorry, I forgot you were coming.
00:49:23Why didn't you call?
00:49:24I did call.
00:49:25You weren't picking up your phone.
00:49:26I mean, we even called the house phone, too.
00:49:27We?
00:49:28Oh, great.
00:49:29That's it.
00:49:30I'm done.
00:49:31What's wrong, Matt?
00:49:32Shannon?
00:49:33Had the double date tonight, remember?
00:49:34What's with the security?
00:49:36Lisa's got a bee in her bonnet.
00:49:39A bee in her bonnet?
00:49:40Yeah, like she's pissed off.
00:49:42Oh, why didn't you just say that?
00:49:45What did you do to her?
00:49:46Me?
00:49:47I didn't do anything.
00:49:48Well, you must have, otherwise she wouldn't be mad.
00:49:51Why do I have to say it like that?
00:49:52Because if you didn't start something, or just listened to her, then she wouldn't be flipping out right now.
00:49:57She's crazy.
00:49:58Why would I?
00:49:59Dude, no.
00:50:00Don't.
00:50:01Sometimes it's just easier.
00:50:03Good boy.
00:50:05Now shall we?
00:50:06I don't want to be a third wheel.
00:50:08I'm fine just watching TV.
00:50:09Come on, we have tickets already.
00:50:11Why don't you just beg Lisa for her forgiveness and smooth it over with some flowers and chocolate?
00:50:16Yeah, this can still work out.
00:50:18Um, you know what, Jim?
00:50:19Maybe we can cancel tonight.
00:50:21I mean, there are other things we can do.
00:50:23No.
00:50:24No, we're not just going to-
00:50:25It's been like this all day, Eric.
00:50:30Yep.
00:50:31It's not so bad.
00:50:32I just think Lisa and Neil aren't completely over.
00:50:34Wait, they broke up?
00:50:36Supposedly.
00:50:37I think that right now, they're more concerned with what each other thinks of the other.
00:50:42What?
00:50:44Neil thinks Lisa wants to kill him.
00:50:47Oh.
00:50:48Would she?
00:50:50I think she still loves him, but Matt would say otherwise.
00:50:54Not, huh?
00:50:55Not, huh?
00:51:02That's not those hands.
00:51:07There you go, Shem.
00:51:08Lost your couch privileges, huh?
00:51:23Yeah.
00:51:24You, uh, do know there were chairs here, right?
00:51:28We can't use those.
00:51:29That would break the tradition.
00:51:30Hmm.
00:51:31So...
00:51:32This is it?
00:51:33Listen, I don't know how you slipped past her defenses, but you should be on some double
00:51:34trouble date with Neil and Lisa.
00:51:35But she screwed that up and now you're sitting here with us.
00:51:36Enjoy the privilege.
00:51:37Wow, I didn't mean to offend your child, Matt.
00:51:38I just wanted to shed a little light on this matter of obsession and not a light coming
00:51:39from a box.
00:51:40No, you just wanted us to know that you're against our TV watching ways.
00:51:41What's so wrong with this?
00:51:42What do you got here?
00:51:43Pizza pie.
00:51:44It's for a TV watching experience.
00:51:45You want some?
00:51:46No thanks.
00:51:47I was talking to Scott.
00:51:48So, Neil, don't you think you should see what Lisa's doing?
00:51:49He's fine right here.
00:51:50He watches some top notch programming.
00:51:51I was talking to Neil.
00:51:52Oh, I really don't think it's such a good idea.
00:51:53Besides, Matt says this is for the best.
00:51:54Well, Matt also, thanks for the best.
00:51:55Well, Matt also, thanks for the best.
00:51:56I was talking to Neil.
00:51:57Oh, I didn't mean to offend your child, Matt.
00:51:58I just wanted to shed a little light on this matter of obsession and not a light coming
00:51:59from a box.
00:52:00No, you just wanted us to know that you're against our TV watching ways.
00:52:01What's so wrong with this?
00:52:02What do you got here?
00:52:03Pizza pie.
00:52:04It's for a TV watching experience.
00:52:05You want some?
00:52:06No thanks.
00:52:07I was talking to Scott.
00:52:17Who thinks that toasted bread has fewer calories?
00:52:19The toaster burned some of them away.
00:52:21This is what I'm trying to say.
00:52:23That toasted bread has fewer calories?
00:52:25No, that Neil shouldn't be led around by Matt.
00:52:27I'm not leading him around.
00:52:28Oh, yeah?
00:52:29Well, then why doesn't Neil try getting back together with her?
00:52:32She told me things were really heating up between you two.
00:52:34Yeah, I bet they were heating up.
00:52:35What is that supposed to mean?
00:52:36Look, girls think every relationship is some kind of firework show.
00:52:39Like, every love is supposed to be a set of rose petal trails and poems.
00:52:42It's a fabrication by the media, depicting a world of rainbows and lollipops,
00:52:45making it real tough on guys everywhere.
00:52:47Sometimes guys just want to hang out with guys, kick it back, shoot the shit.
00:52:50What is so wrong with that?
00:52:52If guys worked a little harder at what they claim to love,
00:52:55then there wouldn't be trouble in Loveland.
00:52:57Guys are too preoccupied with what their next meal is or when the next TV show is on
00:53:02to give a damn at a relationship.
00:53:04Hey!
00:53:05Except my Scott.
00:53:06That's because Scott is whipped beyond belief.
00:53:08No, he's not.
00:53:09He totally is.
00:53:10You got him whipped to be the boy you want him to be.
00:53:12Matt, you're just jealous.
00:53:15Yeah.
00:53:16Yeah, sure.
00:53:17I want to be just like Scott.
00:53:18I read your book the other day, by the way.
00:53:20The Whipping Boy.
00:53:21You don't read books, Matt.
00:53:23Good one there.
00:53:24Scott, tell him you're not whipped.
00:53:26Scott!
00:53:27Tell him!
00:53:29I'm not whipped!
00:53:31See?
00:53:32Wow.
00:53:33Yeah, you proved me wrong.
00:53:35That was kind of gross.
00:53:37What?
00:53:38You just bent over backwards for her, Scott.
00:53:41I thought you were going to put up a struggle or something, but you snapped like a twig bridge.
00:53:46Oh, I did not bend for her.
00:53:48Dude, you totally did.
00:53:50No, he didn't.
00:53:52Scott, stand up for yourself.
00:53:54I didn't, guys.
00:53:56Jeez.
00:53:57Scott.
00:53:58Stop.
00:53:59I'm sorry you have to see this, Eric.
00:54:01This is not a good model for a grown boy.
00:54:03Matt, you are something else.
00:54:05You think that you're the ringleader now that Neil is out of a girlfriend.
00:54:08Well, he didn't make her flip out.
00:54:10Yeah, well, he might as well have.
00:54:12Matt's sense of being in a relationship is that he's made out with a cup of MD more times than he needs to.
00:54:17You have no-
00:54:18Me what?
00:54:19It's sort of unsettling knowing that this couch has seen more ass than you ever will.
00:54:27You have no idea what you're talking about.
00:54:29Oh, no?
00:54:30Have I struck a nerve with you, Matt?
00:54:32I just want you to get a little taste of your own medicine.
00:54:34She's got you good, man.
00:54:35Shut up, Eric.
00:54:36Oh, that's original.
00:54:38Pick on a little guy to boost yourself up.
00:54:40Are you done yet?
00:54:41Do you like it?
00:54:44Like what?
00:54:45The satisfaction of making other people's lives feel broken and imperfect, thus completing your own.
00:54:53Come on, Shannon.
00:54:54No.
00:54:55I just think we've had these tickets forever.
00:54:57And Matt's gone and ruined Neil's relationship for his own satisfaction.
00:55:01I didn't ruin anything.
00:55:03Well, you did tell him to start trying to lead his life without Lisa.
00:55:05I didn't make the decision for him.
00:55:07But you had a big influence.
00:55:08I'm just trying to bring that to light.
00:55:10That's what I've been hearing.
00:55:12But Matt over here is too deaf and dumb to take it to heart.
00:55:15Yeah.
00:55:16If I thought what you said made any sort of sense, I wouldn't do this.
00:55:18Do what?
00:55:19Now you see, what we have here is the beautiful Worcester skyline.
00:55:22Covered in trees.
00:55:23But thanks to the saving grace of the Asian Longhorn Beetle, these god-awful obstructions
00:55:27will soon be gone.
00:55:28Forever.
00:55:29Come on.
00:55:30Get out of here.
00:55:31I'm working on that damn thing.
00:55:32Anthony, you got the lowest score on the test.
00:55:36I'm afraid you'll never be a doctor.
00:55:38Cal, Cal, give me your diploma.
00:55:42You wouldn't have a hot damn camera.
00:55:45Captain freaking video.
00:55:47Alright, are you done now?
00:55:49Yo, this ain't your grandmama's show.
00:55:51It's Dope TV.
00:55:52Just call up and we'll do s***.
00:55:551-800-Dope TV.
00:55:57What?
00:55:58That's not enough numbers?
00:55:59Put a pound sign in there.
00:56:01Anywhere.
00:56:02We'll figure it out.
00:56:03Dope TV.
00:56:06Hmm.
00:56:07Now's my chance.
00:56:09Scott and Shannon had never played this before.
00:56:11They won't know what hit him.
00:56:13What if I don't make it?
00:56:15I will.
00:56:16We'll do it.
00:56:18I sure could use a drink.
00:56:41What?
00:56:42How?
00:56:43Take the walk, Eric.
00:56:44I'm sorry, Eric.
00:56:45You know you don't have to do this.
00:56:47Matt says it's the rules.
00:56:49I was the last one to touch my nose.
00:56:51Matt also says that dogs roll around in the dirt for minerals.
00:56:55Really?
00:56:56Well then how do they get such nice shiny coats then?
00:56:58The point is you don't have to be listening to him.
00:57:00Yeah maybe.
00:57:01But this is how it is.
00:57:02See?
00:57:03I didn't make that choice for him.
00:57:04Well you could have influenced him to make the right decision.
00:57:05What is right anyway?
00:57:06He's got you there.
00:57:07Scott.
00:57:08Don't team up with him.
00:57:09Neil, haven't you had enough of this?
00:57:10I don't think this situation is improving.
00:57:11Why aren't you listening to Eric?
00:57:12Eric?
00:57:13I tried and it just stirred up some old flames.
00:57:15Maybe I don't think Lisa's ever going to change.
00:57:16Besides, what's wrong with all this?
00:57:17This?
00:57:18This slump of mindlessness?
00:57:19Hey, watch it alright, you're trimming on thin ice.
00:57:20This is my sphere of entertainment you're talking about.
00:57:21Sphere of entertainment?
00:57:22Don't make it sound so legal.
00:57:23This place has been tuned to perform at its peak level.
00:57:24You're not going to be on the right.
00:57:25You're going to be on the right.
00:57:26You're not going to be on the right, anyway.
00:57:27He's got you there.
00:57:28Scott.
00:57:29Don't team up with him.
00:57:30Neil, haven't you had enough of this?
00:57:31I don't think the situation is improving.
00:57:32Why aren't you listening to Eric?
00:57:33Eric?
00:57:34Eric?
00:57:35I tried and it just stirred up some old flames.
00:57:36Hey, watch it, alright?
00:57:37You're trimming on thin ice.
00:57:38This is my sphere of entertainment you're talking about.
00:57:39Sphere of entertainment?
00:57:40Don't make it sound so legal.
00:57:42This place has been tuned to perform at its peak level.
00:57:45You blocked the windows with posters.
00:57:47Well, there is a nasty glare without them.
00:57:49You have a giant ass remote that you talk to.
00:57:51Hey, whoa!
00:57:52Don't talk about Howie that way.
00:57:53Yeah, he's family.
00:57:54I'm just saying that this sphere isn't offering an environment to grow.
00:57:58Come on, Shannon.
00:57:59It's kind of nice, you know?
00:58:00It's quiet, quaint.
00:58:01I mean, we don't really sit around like this that often.
00:58:03We're always doing stuff.
00:58:05Right.
00:58:06This is why I don't let you watch TV.
00:58:08It sucks you in.
00:58:09That's why I don't let you go back to Lisa.
00:58:11See?
00:58:12You are holding him back.
00:58:13She's just going to continue to hate and hurt until she gets her stuff back.
00:58:15Then why don't you just give it all back then?
00:58:17Yeah, lure her back here and just smack her.
00:58:19You want me to go to jail, dude?
00:58:20Hey, just don't call me, remember?
00:58:21Matt, you're terrible.
00:58:23I mean, aren't there equal rights nowadays?
00:58:25Oh, you would say that, you caveman.
00:58:27Hey, just saying.
00:58:29Well, you shouldn't.
00:58:31Say something, Scott.
00:58:33Uh, yeah.
00:58:34Yeah, Matt, don't say such things.
00:58:38I'm just saying.
00:58:39If I had to deal with someone like Lisa, they could take a smack every now and then when
00:58:43they're out of line.
00:58:44Equal rights means equal opportunity to defend oneself.
00:58:46Yeah, I don't think it works like that.
00:58:48I mean, just because you, you know, spend time with your lover, you know, listen to her
00:58:52wants and needs, or even just put some tampons in your pocket for her once in a while.
00:58:57Doesn't give you the right to beat a woman.
00:59:00Tampons in the pocket?
00:59:02Dude.
00:59:03What?
00:59:04There are just some lines that shouldn't be crossed.
00:59:07You put tampons in your pocket.
00:59:09You make him put tampons in his pocket.
00:59:11When we go hiking or wherever a person would be a burden.
00:59:14Well, don't touch them.
00:59:16Dude, that's not the point.
00:59:17That's a violation of your personal space.
00:59:19You're violating his personal space.
00:59:20What is the big deal?
00:59:21What if you get pulled over by the cops or something and they search you?
00:59:25You're gonna look like some kind of weirdo.
00:59:26You gotta defend your limits, dude.
00:59:28I mean, with girls, you gotta be ruthless.
00:59:29Oh, is that panning out for you?
00:59:31It's not like you're looking like a dead dog carrier.
00:59:33Scott, don't.
00:59:34Oh, it's about her?
00:59:35Do tell.
00:59:36Happened back in Beantown.
00:59:38Shannon carries around dead dogs.
00:59:39You carry around dead dogs.
00:59:41It's more than just that.
00:59:42Well, how can it be more than that?
00:59:45It has to do with my friend's dog.
00:59:47While I was dog-sitting it, it died.
00:59:49I put the dog into some luggage to take it to the vet,
00:59:52and as I was getting under the subway,
00:59:54a guy stopped to help me because I was struggling.
00:59:57And why am I even telling you this?
00:59:59Oh, you're too far in.
01:00:00You can't stop now.
01:00:01I don't want Matt to hear it.
01:00:02What?
01:00:03Just cover your ears.
01:00:05Well, he asked me why I had such heavy luggage,
01:00:09and I told him it was computer parts.
01:00:12And when I got to my stop, I went to thank him,
01:00:14and he punched me in the face,
01:00:16and he took the luggage, and he ran.
01:00:18He punched you in the face?
01:00:20Damn it, Matt!
01:00:21Oh, my God.
01:00:22He really punched you in the face?
01:00:23Yeah, he did.
01:00:24I couldn't believe it either.
01:00:26Well, what did the guy seem like?
01:00:27Was he sketchy-looking?
01:00:28No, the guy was in a suit and tie.
01:00:29It was totally unexpected.
01:00:30You.
01:00:31I think I must think you're some kind of freak
01:00:33carrying around dead dogs.
01:00:34Oh, my God.
01:00:35You're going to get remembered as the girl
01:00:36who carries around dead dogs forever.
01:00:38It just goes to show you that men are up to no good.
01:00:41No, it just goes to show you that you should have
01:00:43defended your limits and told your friends
01:00:44to go pick up their own damn dead dog.
01:00:46See, Nail, this is why you shouldn't be getting back with Lisa.
01:00:49She's just going to end up killing your dog.
01:00:50Well, I don't have a dog.
01:00:51Yeah, and you don't have tampons in your pockets either.
01:00:53That's true.
01:00:54I don't want that.
01:00:55Scott, let's salvage this night and go see that play.
01:00:58Oh, do we have to?
01:01:00Yes, Scott.
01:01:01Look at this place.
01:01:03What does it have that makes you want to stay in this dump?
01:01:05The cave of entertainment.
01:01:07Come on, Scott.
01:01:08I'm done here.
01:01:09You're blocking the damn TV.
01:01:10Scott, we're leaving.
01:01:13You know what?
01:01:14I think I want to stay.
01:01:16Call your girlfriend to go out with you.
01:01:18Excuse me?
01:01:20Dude, reconsider.
01:01:23I don't know what you're trying to pull here, Matt,
01:01:25but I have worked too hard on this one to let some brain box pose a bigger influence on him than me.
01:01:30Just go.
01:01:31Just go.
01:01:32Save us.
01:01:33This could get worse.
01:01:34I just want to watch TV with the guys.
01:01:36Yeah, you want that?
01:01:37Yeah, I do.
01:01:38Yeah?
01:01:39Yeah.
01:01:40Grab your ear then.
01:01:44And you two, you better stop watching this thing before you choke on stupid.
01:01:47Eric, we're leaving.
01:02:02What?
01:02:03Larry Singer is on next.
01:02:04We love him.
01:02:05Do you really like being here with them?
01:02:08You know, Shannon, sometimes it's just easier.
01:02:11Yeah, and cheaper sometimes, too.
01:02:13Scott, we're going.
01:02:15Yes, Pam?
01:02:17Boys.
01:02:18We have a unique bond here.
01:02:21Maybe you just can't see it.
01:02:23I just know what works for me and Scott.
01:02:25But I want you to think about what you could be missing in the rest of the world.
01:02:30We're making our own memories here.
01:02:32What's so good about the rest of the world?
01:02:34What about starting a relationship and having a family?
01:02:38I have a family.
01:02:40One where their IQ passes their age.
01:02:43I like my friends.
01:02:45You like your couch spot, too.
01:02:47Yeah.
01:02:49I'm just saying, I think Matt's been shaken up with a woman on his turf.
01:02:54Maybe with his defenses down, you can get your point across to Neil?
01:02:57Eric!
01:02:58Singer's starting!
01:02:59Coming.
01:03:00Bye, Shannon.
01:03:02Hey, Eric.
01:03:03How's the MD?
01:03:04Just fine, Matt.
01:03:05Gotta pick your battles, man.
01:03:06Are they gone or what?
01:03:07Yeah, they're gone.
01:03:08Man, I was getting worried.
01:03:09I hate having to defend my sphere from women.
01:03:10Matt, what's a chode?
01:03:11What?
01:03:12Before.
01:03:13You called me a chode.
01:03:14What's that?
01:03:15Ah, jeez.
01:03:16Well, it's like a...
01:03:17It's like a...
01:03:18It's like a...
01:03:19It's a chode.
01:03:20It's like a...
01:03:21It's like a...
01:03:22It's like a...
01:03:23It's a chode.
01:03:24It's like a...
01:03:25It's sort of like...
01:03:26Kind of...
01:03:27Down here?
01:03:28Or something?
01:03:29Like...
01:03:30I guess...
01:03:31What the hell is that?
01:03:32That doesn't tell me shit.
01:03:33Well, screw you.
01:03:34It's hard to describe.
01:03:35Sure as hell try.
01:03:36No way.
01:03:37I'm just taking a page out of your book.
01:03:38I don't know.
01:03:39I don't know.
01:03:40I don't know.
01:03:41I don't know.
01:03:42I don't know.
01:03:43I don't know.
01:03:44I don't know.
01:03:45I don't know.
01:03:46I don't know.
01:03:47I don't know.
01:03:48I don't know.
01:03:49I'll try.
01:03:50No way.
01:03:51I'm just taking a page out of your book.
01:03:52You can't do that.
01:03:53I just did, you stupid chode.
01:03:54What do you even want to know, anyway?
01:03:55Because I keep a list of everything you call me on my blog.
01:03:57I can't even tell if you're serious or not.
01:03:59It always kind of reminded me of a fish head.
01:04:01You know, a chode of a fish head.
01:04:04What?
01:04:05Thanks, Neil.
01:04:06You're always there to help me out.
01:04:08Alright, look.
01:04:09I got it.
01:04:10You remember Brian from school?
01:04:11Who?
01:04:12Brian.
01:04:13He was all, like, tiny and deformed,
01:04:14had, like, short arms and fingers and shit like that.
01:04:16Oh, yeah.
01:04:17Didn't he have some rare deformation that screwed with his bones?
01:04:19I don't know.
01:04:20Anyway, he's chodey.
01:04:22Huh.
01:04:23Well, I'm still not really clear on what a chode is,
01:04:25but I guess I'll just think of Brian whenever I hear it.
01:04:28Great.
01:04:29Poor guy can't go one day without someone using his physical deformations as an example.
01:04:32If it gets used as an example, it helps the learning process.
01:04:35He shouldn't always be painted in a negative light like that.
01:04:38Now Eric's gonna think of Brian every time he hears chode.
01:04:40Sorry, object association's the best way to remember it.
01:04:42That's how I do it.
01:04:43Why, do you associate girls with, like, knives or paint or something?
01:04:47No way.
01:04:48Above all that, my wallet.
01:04:49I just gotta remember how much girls I actually require.
01:04:52Unless you find one at a good rate.
01:04:54Of course.
01:04:55You ever think that letting a girl into your life might actually change it for the better?
01:05:00No.
01:05:01Couldn't picture man with a significant other.
01:05:03Unless she was totally succumbing to his demands.
01:05:05Unable to stay quiet.
01:05:07Unable to react quickly to changing circumstances.
01:05:10Like a computer.
01:05:12So you're saying I need a robot girlfriend?
01:05:14Oh yeah.
01:05:15I'm sure your thumb drive will fit her USB port just fine.
01:05:18At least I'm not like Brian.
01:05:20Chode?
01:05:21Come on.
01:05:22Look, all I'm saying is, he's so short and squat, it reminds me of a dwarf.
01:05:26I thought he was a chode.
01:05:27Same thing.
01:05:28Just my thumb drive functions way better than his tunican dick.
01:05:31What?
01:05:32Dwarfs are so chodey and squat and short, they gotta have tunican dicks.
01:05:36I'll never look at Gimli the same way again.
01:05:39Yeah, just a fact of life.
01:05:40Poor guy.
01:05:41It's gotta be tough handling a stump nose like that.
01:05:43He probably deals with it the same way we all deal with our small problems.
01:05:47Heh.
01:05:48Readin' a book.
01:05:51Heh.
01:05:52Just kidding.
01:05:53You know what?
01:05:54Let's bring him out.
01:05:55Let's bring him out here.
01:05:56Yeah!
01:05:57Yeah!
01:05:58Oh!
01:05:59Oh!
01:06:00Bullshit!
01:06:01Bullshit!
01:06:02Bullshit!
01:06:03He's my man!
01:06:04No, just cause you were born a man!
01:06:06Oh!
01:06:07Oh!
01:06:08Oh!
01:06:09Oh!
01:06:10Oh!
01:06:11You're a revolution!
01:06:12Let's get resolution!
01:06:13Resolution!
01:06:14That's resolution!
01:06:15That is resolution!
01:06:16Oh!
01:06:17Oh!
01:06:18Oh!
01:06:19Oh!
01:06:20Oh!
01:06:21Oh!
01:06:22Oh!
01:06:23Oh!
01:06:24Oh!
01:06:25Oh!
01:06:26Oh!
01:06:27Oh!
01:06:28Oh!
01:06:29Oh!
01:06:30Oh!
01:06:31Oh!
01:06:32Oh!
01:06:33Oh!
01:06:34Oh!
01:06:35Oh!
01:06:36Oh!
01:06:37Oh!
01:06:38Oh!
01:06:39Oh!
01:06:40Wow!
01:06:41There's so much swearing on this show.
01:06:43Why do they have to beep it out?
01:06:44Yeah, I know.
01:06:45I mean, we know what they're saying.
01:06:46Why can't they just let it go?
01:06:47Eh, it's probably just a cultural preservation thing.
01:06:49To keep the public away from it for as long as fuckin' possible.
01:06:52Yeah, but it cuts out the dialogue, and it makes everyone sound like a robot.
01:06:56Well, in that case, R2-D2 probably cusses like a fuckin' sailor.
01:06:59All it does is bloop and bleep.
01:07:01What?
01:07:02Think about it.
01:07:03If all the other bots could speak, why wouldn't they put voice modulators into the R2 models?
01:07:07He probably didn't need one.
01:07:08I mean, wasn't his job just to talk to the ships?
01:07:10The R2 models must have been programmed to cuss like hell, and to preserve the culture
01:07:13of the galaxy.
01:07:14They were all bleeped.
01:07:15So you're saying that every time R2-D2 makes any noises, he's cussing like a truck driver?
01:07:19R2, shut down all the garbage compactors on the detention levels.
01:07:22No, shut them all down!
01:07:24Oh, hell no!
01:07:25I'm not sticking my fuckin' dick into another fuckin' computer.
01:07:27Last time I did that, I got a fuckin' virus, you son of a bitch!
01:07:30You hacked that shit yourself, you asshole!
01:07:33Wow.
01:07:34That's disturbing.
01:07:36Oh, right, R2.
01:07:39We'll take care of everything.
01:07:41Yeah, you better, you fuckhead!
01:07:43Seriously, what the fuck?
01:07:44I used to have my jets.
01:07:45Where'd the hell they go?
01:07:46I want my flamethrower back!
01:07:47Until they do shit with this little fuckin' Taser thing I got, I used to fuckin' fly.
01:07:50Can you believe that?
01:07:51Do you have any idea how fucking annoying that is to roll around when I could fuckin'
01:07:54fly at one point?
01:07:55God dammit!
01:07:56You tell them to suck my fuckin' little metal dick!
01:07:581 Dzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzgg...
01:08:01Only use your time for something more constructive.
01:08:02Yeah, if I had 10 percent of the free time you have, I'd have like 7 extra hours in my day.
01:08:08You're saying my days have 70 hours in them?
01:08:10Yeah.
01:08:11Yeah, you're that lazy.
01:08:13Okay, whatever.
01:08:15Can I get back on the couch now?
01:08:17Sorry Eric, the couch is for winners.
01:08:19Nah, he's right.
01:08:21Bullshit!
01:08:23I am sick and tired of this, Matt.
01:08:25You are not right.
01:08:27Turn off the TV.
01:08:29Hey, hey, what the-
01:08:31I've tried to be nice, but I don't think I can take it anymore.
01:08:33Eric, turn to the fucking TV!
01:08:35Quiet!
01:08:37Do you hear that?
01:08:39No, it's completely quiet.
01:08:40Listen.
01:08:42God.
01:08:44It is quiet.
01:08:46Maybe Lisa's really gone.
01:08:48Exactly, they can watch TV in peace.
01:08:50No, Matt. I have to do this.
01:08:52Maybe she's still here.
01:08:54And maybe she's not.
01:08:56Maybe we should go check.
01:08:58I still think there's something here, Neil.
01:09:00You and Lisa have been longing for each other,
01:09:02but you expressed it through your anger.
01:09:04It's too dangerous. This could all be part of a plan.
01:09:06Or in your case, it's paranoia.
01:09:08I listened to you before, Eric. What's going to change now?
01:09:10You, Neil. You have to change.
01:09:12You can't keep wanting what other people want you to want.
01:09:14You have to want whatever it is that you really do want.
01:09:16What?
01:09:18A life living fear is a life half-lived.
01:09:20It sounds to me like you don't want Lisa to be gone.
01:09:22Aren't you at least curious whether she wants you back or not?
01:09:24Or do you just want to watch some more TV?
01:09:26No way, Neil. Look. This is for the better, alright?
01:09:28You can watch way more TV without her.
01:09:30Don't you want more than that, Neil?
01:09:32I do.
01:09:33What if she's waiting for you right now?
01:09:34I have to go get her.
01:09:35Well, she's certainly not going to come to you.
01:09:37She's been trying, but you keep the door locked.
01:09:39Shittily.
01:09:41What do you want, Eric?
01:09:43It doesn't matter what I want.
01:09:44I just want to help you make the right choice.
01:09:46We should check if she's still here.
01:09:49Matt, go get the door. Eric, check that window.
01:09:51I'll get this one. Ready? Go.
01:10:01Clear!
01:10:02Clear.
01:10:09All clear here, too.
01:10:11I guess she's really gone.
01:10:13I wonder where she went.
01:10:14Who cares? Seriously, dude.
01:10:16It's probably just post-traumatic breakup residue or something.
01:10:18It'll pass.
01:10:19Look, we got a good thing here.
01:10:20Let's just keep it forever, yeah?
01:10:22I just thought I was onto something.
01:10:26Jeez, Bruce.
01:10:27Thanks for coming out here on such short notice to see me.
01:10:29I know you have that deadline for that new office building next Monday,
01:10:33and your car just got towed and...
01:10:34Hey, I only had to take two buses and a cab to get here.
01:10:37You're worth it.
01:10:38Thanks.
01:10:39I just really needed to talk to someone.
01:10:41I can see that.
01:10:43You sounded distressed when I talked to her on the phone.
01:10:45Yeah.
01:10:46I don't really want to talk about that.
01:10:48I just want to talk to someone else about anything else.
01:10:51Okay.
01:10:52How about politics?
01:10:53No way!
01:10:54Politics are terrible.
01:10:55It's about who has the most pull and the most money.
01:10:58It's not even a representation of the people anymore.
01:11:00Don't even get me started.
01:11:02Okay, fine.
01:11:03Um...
01:11:04How about superpowers?
01:11:06Oh yeah?
01:11:07What about them?
01:11:08I've just always had this theory that everyone has a secret power hidden inside of them.
01:11:14You mean how Bruce Wayne is really Batman?
01:11:17No, even less than that.
01:11:19I just think that everyone has something inside of them.
01:11:21Like a power or a talent.
01:11:23Besides, Batman isn't a superhero.
01:11:26So it's something you're born with?
01:11:29Yeah.
01:11:30Maybe something trivial, like the ability to always know where your car keys are.
01:11:34Or maybe something so great that the government has to snatch you up and erase your existence.
01:11:39But I think everyone has something.
01:11:41Right.
01:11:42Surely you have some evidence to back this up?
01:11:45Well, take my power for instance.
01:11:47Your power to make little babies cry by looking at them?
01:11:51No, silly.
01:11:52I have the power to instill desire in females.
01:11:55Oh, you're serious?
01:12:01Fat lot that did you.
01:12:04You're still a virgin.
01:12:06That's by choice.
01:12:07Well, how come you've never used this on me?
01:12:11Because it goes against my superhero code of ethics.
01:12:14I would never enchant a taken woman.
01:12:16Let's not bring him into this.
01:12:17Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it.
01:12:19I was just trying to prove my power.
01:12:21Well, I'll be honest with you.
01:12:22You're not doing a very good job.
01:12:24It seems like all men think they have this power by force or wealth.
01:12:29It's not too attractive if you ask me.
01:12:32I enjoy a man who needs his woman.
01:12:35Who can't sleep if she's not next to him.
01:12:38A pushover.
01:12:40A romantic.
01:12:42Hey!
01:12:43Aha!
01:12:44Did you notice anything strange about that?
01:12:48That people in the city would step on you as soon as they look at you?
01:12:52No.
01:12:53What we just saw was a byproduct of Homeless Al's superpower.
01:12:57His power to live off baked beans and brandy?
01:13:01No.
01:13:02Judging by his survival rate, Homeless Al has the ability to survive hypothermia every night.
01:13:07Which is a pretty good superpower for a homeless guy.
01:13:11But it comes at great cost.
01:13:13Ooh, the plot thickens.
01:13:15Yep.
01:13:16No one seems to notice him as they walk by.
01:13:18To the point where they stumble over him because he's practically invisible.
01:13:21A tragic superhero flaw.
01:13:24So instead of proving that everyone has a superpower, you just prove that everyone in the city is an asshole.
01:13:30Congratulations.
01:13:31Alright, well take Nelson here.
01:13:34Nelson.
01:13:35Ooh, does he show your power over women?
01:13:38No.
01:13:39Nelson has the ability to instantly transform his environment into a kung fu movie.
01:13:47I have yet to see it, but someday it will be a spectacle to behold.
01:13:52Okay.
01:13:53Let's say I believe you.
01:13:55What would my superpower be?
01:13:57I've always wanted to be in a musical or blow up my ex-boyfriend with my brains.
01:14:02Well that's radically different.
01:14:04Um, but how about something more useful?
01:14:07Like the ability to move on.
01:14:09Let go.
01:14:10Let go?
01:14:11Like, let go of my hands around his throat?
01:14:14No, I mean turn the other cheek.
01:14:16Look to greener pastures.
01:14:17Go out with someone who thinks you're smart, funny, and beautiful.
01:14:22That'd be like giving up without a fight.
01:14:24Well maybe that's someone who's right in front of you and you haven't even noticed it yet.
01:14:27Huh?
01:14:28Sorry, I was thinking.
01:14:29God, I must have hit you hard when he dumped you.
01:14:33Is that what he's telling people?
01:14:34I dumped him.
01:14:35What?
01:14:36Are you kidding me?
01:14:37Then why are you still stalking the poor bastard?
01:14:39Um, ugh, I can't say.
01:14:42Look, Lisa, I mean this in the nicest way possible.
01:14:45You need psychiatric help.
01:14:47The only reason that you still pursue someone, someone that you dumped, is that you have serious mental issues.
01:14:53Or that you still seriously like the person.
01:14:56I think you need to move on.
01:14:58Hmm.
01:14:59I never thought about it that way.
01:15:02You're right.
01:15:04Yeah?
01:15:05Yeah.
01:15:06I don't know how I could have been so blind.
01:15:07Lisa, I...
01:15:08It was never about getting my stuff back.
01:15:09Thanks, Bruce.
01:15:10Lisa, wait!
01:15:11I...
01:15:12Fuck!
01:15:13I don't know how I could have been so blind.
01:15:14I don't know how I could have been so blind.
01:15:15Lisa, I...
01:15:16It was never about getting my stuff back.
01:15:17Thanks, Bruce.
01:15:18Lisa.
01:15:19Lisa, wait!
01:15:20I...
01:15:21Fuck!
01:16:24Neil.
01:16:26Take me back.
01:16:27You mean it?
01:16:29I knew there was a reason my ex-girlfriend'sõ,
01:16:30he said she wasn't tingling anymore
01:16:32it might be because you really love me.
01:16:34How could I ever leave you?
01:16:35How could I ever let you go?
01:16:41No, dude no!
01:16:42Not you, too!
01:16:43Larry, shut the fuck up!
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01:22:21Altyazı M.
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