- 9 hours ago
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00:00New Orleans, the property's closed, like it's free.
00:02I'm like, it's good.
00:03Everything's good.
00:04Another beautiful night.
00:06Here's because Janelle getting a new man.
00:09They are really pushing the dating thing.
00:11They can push.
00:12It doesn't mean I have to act.
00:14You don't have any handsome farmers around us, do you?
00:19I wouldn't tell you.
00:23Maybe you could explain to me what it is that you've committed us to.
00:28So it's not going to be like a speed dating thing.
00:31What's it called?
00:32I don't know.
00:33It's like Vegas Girls or something like that.
00:36You're nervous.
00:37Well, because dating is weird.
00:40Dating is weird.
00:41I really have no idea what we've gotten into.
00:44We're just going to have fun.
00:45And if I meet somebody, cool.
00:50After the Sella Coyote pass, I was disappointed.
00:54I've been saying embarrassed.
00:56But the real factor is, is that I felt shame.
01:00I'm in North Carolina right now.
01:03I'm traveling here to meet with Janelle.
01:08It's an effort to just say, have a great...
01:12I don't even know how to say it.
01:14I don't even know what to say, really.
01:16I was hurt, and I was angry, and I was betrayed, and I wanted to...
01:22I had a feeling of, let's get even.
01:24I'm on the right path.
01:26I'm looking forward to laying it all out bare with what I've done.
01:31I'm on the right path.
02:01Do we have to do this?
02:10What have we gotten ourselves into?
02:11Do we have to?
02:12So Amber and I came to Vegas.
02:14We came for this speed dating type event.
02:17Hello, ladies.
02:19Hello.
02:19Are you guys ready to find love?
02:22Yes, actually.
02:24So this is kind of like a speed dating type event at a golf location and kind of like a bar area.
02:33Hopefully there's about an equal amount of girls and guys.
02:35I haven't seen that yet, but maybe it'll happen.
02:38Okay.
02:39So you're going to scan the QR code.
02:40Okay.
02:41It'll have you fill out a questionnaire.
02:43So around 8.45 or so, we'll break you into some smaller groups, and then it'll do another countdown,
02:49and you're going to get the match that it thinks is your best match based on the answers.
02:53That's a really long time from now.
02:55So we're supposed to mingle with random people for over an hour?
03:00That's what the liquid courage is for.
03:02Okay, got it.
03:03You have to go far in here.
03:06I'm nervous.
03:07We both are.
03:08Not quite sure what to expect.
03:11We're just doing it.
03:13Here we go.
03:14Here we go.
03:17Now we have to answer these questions.
03:19Okay.
03:20Flirting is a form of cheating.
03:22Yes.
03:24Strongly disagree.
03:25Strongly agree.
03:27I agree.
03:28Yeah, I definitely think that if you're flirting with somebody,
03:30and you're in a relationship, I mean, you shouldn't be doing that.
03:36I think flirting in a plural relationship is, like, you need to be careful with it,
03:42and you need to actually nurture all of your relationships if you're wanting to flirt with
03:46somebody in front of somebody else.
03:49If one wife is not secure, and you're out there flirting with the other wife in front of her,
03:55that's just rude.
03:56And, you know, Cody was naturally warm and was naturally demonstrative.
04:04You know, that was just what it was.
04:07You know, it was plural marriage.
04:08It was what we were living.
04:09And I never thought it was a good idea to hide it anyway.
04:12But that was something they had established before I even came along.
04:16Um, I mean, Cody always had little things that he would do that would, to flirt with us all,
04:21and didn't, was normal, didn't bother me.
04:24Yeah.
04:25He'd do a little wink or something, you know, and I guess sort of like a little flirt with
04:30us in front of each other.
04:31And it didn't really ever bother me.
04:33I mean, that's part of plural marriage.
04:37Everything pretty much was like, when you're with everybody, you're classy.
04:41You know, you didn't really do stuff like that.
04:43That's like, that'd be like a polygamous family killer, I would think, you know, to be all like that.
04:48Okay.
04:49Next question's going to be your favorite.
04:51I prefer kinky sex.
04:53Wait, wait.
04:55I, what?
04:57Yep.
04:58Mmm.
05:01What'd you put?
05:02What'd you put?
05:03One.
05:05I mean, to be fair, I wouldn't know, but there's that.
05:09Okay.
05:10When you know, you would change your answer.
05:12I feel bad because I know that these days with dating, it's very complicated.
05:20It's not what it used to be.
05:21You know, the smartphone has just totally annihilated that whole thought process.
05:25I feel bad for people that are having to go through this process now.
05:29You're in.
05:30Keep an eye on your text.
05:31When your host runs the algorithm, you'll get your match from this number.
05:35Yay.
05:37This is weird.
05:39I'm all right.
05:40Where are we going?
05:41I don't know.
05:42I don't know.
05:43Let's walk.
05:44I definitely go in with low expectations.
05:47And then if something happens, great.
05:49You know?
05:49What about the guy there looking at his phone?
05:57Not for me.
05:58For you.
05:59No, I don't think so.
06:03I wanted to wait.
06:04You know, maybe not everybody was there yet.
06:06Maybe other people were going to show up.
06:08There is this one guy here who's got his eye out for that girl.
06:12Yep.
06:14100%.
06:14I saw him walk in and he was like, yep, I know who I want.
06:19I mean, there's a decent amount of people.
06:24Definitely the majority are women.
06:25I was kind of hoping that there would be more men and maybe more men that I would be interested in.
06:34But at the same time, like, this is what dating is about.
06:38This is dating.
06:39And I don't know if, I mean, I haven't dated since I was a teenager.
06:44But I think the dating scene is just kind of tough for, I think it's just tough all around.
06:51Are we just being party poopers?
06:54Maybe.
06:55Are we being too picky?
06:56Maybe.
06:58Are we, are we closed off?
07:02I see nobody of interest at all for me or for you.
07:07I don't either.
07:08I see nobody.
07:10I feel like I get to be picky.
07:12You know, and I get that, like, I'm not going to find, like, the perfect person that checks all the boxes.
07:22And I don't think the perfect person exists.
07:24But the perfect person for me exists.
07:26And that's, that's who I'm looking for.
07:28So I think I get to be picky.
07:42I'm here in North Carolina so that I can meet up with Janelle.
07:49I'm basically just following through with my plans for apology to my ex-wives.
07:56And I'm willing to accept that it might happen with rejection.
08:01And I might have to just do my best to stay the course.
08:04I don't want to fight.
08:06I just want to apologize.
08:07You know, since Cody first called me and said, I want to come meet with you, I thought, why?
08:16Like, I mean, why now?
08:18You know, and I think that was part of the reason I was like, well, I'll go see.
08:23I'm curious what you have to say, but is this going to be even for real?
08:29Hi.
08:30Hi.
08:30How are you?
08:31Good.
08:32Are you feeling healthy?
08:33Yeah, I am.
08:34Good, good.
08:35Nice to see you.
08:35Thanks for meeting with me.
08:36I appreciate it.
08:37I appreciate it.
08:37Thanks.
08:40Thanks.
08:44I guess, you know, I saw Cody in person when we all met up at Coyote Pass, and that was
08:48so awkward.
08:48We didn't really talk to each other.
08:49It was just awkward.
08:51Robin was there, and that makes the dynamic really weird.
08:55Cody feels like he has to run interference and protect Robin and, like, I don't know,
08:58whatever.
08:59I don't know, whatever.
09:00Like, it was so awkward and disjointed when we all met up at the property.
09:04And this is just he and I.
09:06There's no other outside parties.
09:08There's no politics.
09:09Have you eaten here before?
09:11I have.
09:12It's really good.
09:12Yeah?
09:13Awesome.
09:14Yeah.
09:15So.
09:16Well, good choice then.
09:18Yeah.
09:19Like, um, it's, like, people that I know like this place, and so they recommended it.
09:23Oh, okay, cool.
09:23And I'm like, when you said this, I'm like, okay, sure.
09:25Yeah.
09:26Sure.
09:26All right.
09:28The town, it's all quaint.
09:30I wore a jacket because I couldn't see the humidity, assuming that it would be a little
09:34bit high.
09:35Yeah.
09:35But it seemed cold because all the weather was pretty cool.
09:38Yeah, we've had an unusual year.
09:40Like, it's cool.
09:41Yeah.
09:44So that's, that's great.
09:47Uh, this is so awkward, but even if you have to start out with the weather, you've got to
09:55start out with some conversation to break a little bit of ice.
09:58You can't just jump into something, especially as heavy as an apology.
10:08I don't want to talk to Cody ever again.
10:13Cody contacted me and wants to have a conversation.
10:16I need to know what the motive is, which is so sad to admit.
10:21I literally knew Cody for two months at the time that we got engaged.
10:26There's no way I would ever do that again.
10:39This is the weirdest experience.
10:44You know what?
10:45Golfing has never been my thing, right?
10:48I mean, I've done mini golf, and I think mini golf is a lot of fun.
10:51I don't know.
10:52I'm not good at golf, and so I'm not going to go up with a bunch of people that I'm not
10:55comfortable with and, like, do something that I look stupid doing either, so.
11:00Look.
11:01These dudes are political.
11:02I'm not trying to discount my 30 years of marriage, but I know what I want and I know
11:16what I don't want based on experiences that I've had.
11:20I literally knew Cody for two months at the time that we got engaged.
11:25We knew each other for six months at the time that we got married.
11:30You know, like, we came from a religious culture that promoted that, for sure, and so it was
11:36normal for us.
11:37But there's no way I would ever do that again.
11:42All right, everybody.
11:45It's the moment that you've all been waiting for.
11:49In a few seconds, you are about to get a text message to your phone.
11:53You will get your marriage!
11:57Woo!
11:59I, you know, it's, I think it's going to be interesting to see if they even match me with
12:04somebody, um, just based on this questionnaire that maybe they will, maybe they won't.
12:10I don't know.
12:10But it doesn't feel like a speed dating event at all.
12:16Yeah, I think the structure of the speed dating event that I went to up in Salt Lake was so
12:30much better.
12:31Tell me about yourself.
12:32Are you, um, how long have you been single?
12:35Single, two years.
12:36Two years.
12:36I have a dog.
12:37Nice.
12:38I have a child.
12:40I'm really glad that I met Ron at the other event.
12:43Um, he and I have a really cool connection.
12:45But this is just the world that I'm living in right now.
12:50You know, the dating scene is weird.
12:54You know, it's like, sometimes it's going to be fun, sometimes I'm going to be interested
12:59in a guy and he's not going to be interested in me, sometimes vice versa.
13:03You know what I mean?
13:04Like, it's just, it just is what it is.
13:09Matches are here.
13:12Yeah.
13:13Yeah.
13:13Yeah.
13:13Yeah.
13:14Yeah.
13:14Yeah.
13:14Yeah.
13:14Yeah.
13:15I thought we didn't match with anybody.
13:20I didn't end up getting matched with anybody, and I'm okay with that because I didn't see
13:26anybody that I wanted to be matched with, so it, it was a win.
13:34I don't know what to do now.
13:36Now we've raced early lead.
13:38Okay.
13:39I think we're out.
13:43No, I'm not disappointed.
13:44I think this is just the process.
13:46I think this is the game that I'm in right now.
13:49But I'm up for the adventure because I do want to find my person, you know?
13:57You know, they say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, and I'm definitely leaving this experience
14:04here.
14:04And we'll just have to find a better version next time.
14:09We live where there's a pickleball court.
14:25Christine's like, let's go play.
14:26Christine's like, let's go play.
14:27She thinks she can beat me.
14:29It's on.
14:33Hey, cheater, behind the line.
14:36You have dessert from here?
14:37Uh-huh.
14:38So pickleball's like this rage.
14:40It's this rage.
14:40It's easier than tennis, and it's not bad.
14:42It's okay.
14:43I've really honestly never played it before.
14:44I have tried so many different sports, and I'm terrible at all of them.
14:48All sports.
14:51You have sunglasses, you cheater.
14:53How is wearing sunglasses cheating knowing the elements?
14:57That's not cheating.
14:58That's preparing for battle.
15:00Out.
15:05So that was one point for you.
15:07One to me.
15:07You know why you're not good at this game?
15:10Why?
15:10Because you can't cheat.
15:12Oh, my God.
15:13You know what, asshole?
15:14I love to trash talk.
15:18Four.
15:19Do you have a hole in that pedal?
15:21Check it.
15:21Do you have a hole in your mouth?
15:23It gets in their head.
15:25Then they can't win, so if I'm cheating that way, hey, that's part of the game.
15:30No, I swear.
15:31David, go on!
15:34I hate sports.
15:36David can aim.
15:40I swear for the love, you're getting it.
15:42Go get it.
15:43You get it.
15:44He can aim where he hits the ball, and he is hitting it out there on purpose, because he
15:48likes to just get me worn out.
15:50That's his tactic.
15:51Who's the cheater now?
15:52Oh, that was out.
15:54No, that was it.
15:54Do you have it to hell?
15:55David, can you go that way?
15:57Can you aim that way?
16:00Hey, I didn't know how to angle the ball right through that door opening there to let
16:04her go chase him.
16:06Good job, babe.
16:06Let's do the pump chest.
16:08Ready?
16:08That hurts.
16:11David won.
16:13David won.
16:14No one is surprised.
16:15He's never played pickleball either, so I thought that it would be less of a big, huge
16:20gap between the winner and the loser.
16:23Good job, babe.
16:24That was awesome.
16:24So Cody reached out to me and wanted us to have, like, a conversation.
16:33Like, Olive Branch, Benevolence was in there.
16:36I was completely shocked when Cody reached out.
16:39It came out of absolutely nowhere.
16:41Janelle told me that Cody reached out to her.
16:45I'm like, well, you know, how are you feeling about that?
16:47And she's like, well, I just know, I don't know why.
16:49You know, I don't know what the agenda is, but apparently there's, like, an olive branch
16:52or something.
16:53And I'm like, I don't know.
16:55But she didn't know.
16:56It just came out of nowhere for her as well.
16:57I feel like I had so much anxiety today, just so much anxiety today.
17:04Why?
17:04I don't want to have a...
17:05I just feel so hypocritical, but I don't want to talk to Cody ever again.
17:11I just don't want to.
17:13David, I don't want to.
17:14But why?
17:15Because it was brain damage for so many years.
17:18When Cody first reached out, I was like, no.
17:21No, I'm not going to go.
17:22That's ridiculous.
17:23I don't trust anything that comes out of his mouth.
17:25Why would I put myself in that situation?
17:26No.
17:29Like, the last conversation that we had together, last several conversations we've had,
17:35haven't been great.
17:37Man, just the knife in the kidneys over all these years!
17:43Like, every single time, they just turn around and bite me in the butt.
17:48Why?
17:48Why?
17:48Why?
17:49Why?
17:50Why?
17:51You got to realize that people do change.
17:53Even though we don't ever think they will, they will.
17:56You got to...
17:57Where's the proof of the last time that I heard them talking about me, who was mean?
18:01I need to know what the motive is, which is so sad to admit.
18:05But before I agree to have a conversation with Cody, why?
18:08I think the meanest thing that I did was I said, I didn't love you.
18:19That wasn't true.
18:21We used to be lovers, and we used to really like being around each other.
18:28I wanted to fly out here and meet with you.
18:45Basically, I just wanted to come and say that I apologize.
18:48I just wanted to apologize for...
18:51Wow.
18:53All right.
18:53Yeah.
18:54Um...
18:55Oh, I have a list.
18:58Okay.
18:58I'd just love to apologize for...
19:02The first thing is I want to kind of go backwards.
19:04I want to apologize for just being so angry and so bitter over the family breakup.
19:15And just nobody deserved to have me be that angry.
19:21Wow.
19:22Thanks.
19:23Yeah.
19:24I kept thinking, I don't know who this guy is.
19:26I used to always tell everybody, I'm like, this is not the guy that I was married to forever.
19:31Like, you know what I mean?
19:32This...
19:32Yeah.
19:33So...
19:34Yeah.
19:34I...
19:35You weren't the only one saying that.
19:38The person I would see speaking all these things publicly, I'm like, I don't know who that guy is.
19:43I still don't recognize him.
19:45It's like, again, like, somebody I've seen that I used to know a long time ago.
19:48Lots of pieces that I recognize, lots of common things that we can remember together.
19:52But I don't...
19:53I don't recognize me.
19:54He lives a completely different life, it feels like now.
19:57So do I.
19:58I didn't...
19:59I never saw this coming in a million years, right?
20:01Like, when the family fell apart, I was really...
20:04I mourned more the loss of the ideal of what we were trying to do, right?
20:07I understand that.
20:08Like, I just...
20:09We had that ideal.
20:10Like, when we all got together and we were going to raise the kids, and thank goodness the kids are all still pretty much their siblings, really, you know?
20:17And that was one of the biggest things that we did accomplish.
20:19We had this idea, this whole ideal, right, of how it was going to be.
20:22Like, I think when I finally left Cody, I thought about the family so much more than our relationship for many, many, many years.
20:31I think he and I especially really held that ideal of the family, like this family unit thing that would work out.
20:37And I think maybe I lost track of our relationship, and it might have been detrimental, really.
20:42I probably should have been focused a little bit more on our relationship and not so much the family.
20:46Well, aren't you glad that I was angry?
20:48Well...
20:48Let me tell you why, okay?
20:50It's a compliment to you.
20:52If I'd have been apathetic, it would have meant you weren't important.
20:57Yeah.
20:57And my anger and my bitterness and my I didn't ever love her, that was all from attachment.
21:04Yeah.
21:06We used to be lovers, and we used to really like, I think we liked, being around each other.
21:14And I'm in a space now with this apology where I'm not looking back at my past and going, I want to burn that to the ground.
21:24Instead, I'm looking back at my past like, that was really cool.
21:28We were part of something special.
21:29I think the meanest thing that I did was I said, I didn't love you.
21:41That wasn't true.
21:43That was a lie from the perspective of pain.
21:48I knew.
21:48I knew it.
21:49I knew that you loved me.
21:51I did.
21:51Like, I know that we had a great relationship.
21:54And I didn't understand.
21:59Like, I was like, okay, whatever.
22:00But I knew it.
22:01I knew.
22:04Thanks for making that easy.
22:05Yeah.
22:06I knew.
22:07And it was fine.
22:08Like, I knew.
22:10Because I knew how it was for all those years.
22:13Do you know what I mean?
22:15But I knew that we, I knew that you loved me.
22:17Yeah.
22:18So.
22:18Yeah, just because I've not had any kind of real emotional connection with him like this
22:28for a long time, I'm like, where is this going?
22:31I don't know.
22:31Do you know what I mean?
22:34At one point, I thought, wow, you're really bringing it on heavy.
22:38I'm like, if you're going to ask for some sort of reconciliation, I kept thinking.
22:43I, it wouldn't have made any sense.
22:45But he was just being so intense and so, like, trying to connect with me emotionally.
22:48And I'm like, I just didn't know why.
22:51Like, I didn't, I just couldn't think of any reason why.
23:00How would you react if one of the ex-wives wanted to return?
23:05Return to the family?
23:06To the family.
23:06Uh, uh, I mean, like, what?
23:17Really?
23:20I would be very surprised.
23:23I don't want to even answer this because I'm just like.
23:26Okay.
23:27Yeah.
23:33So making me sad right now.
23:35I'm sorry.
23:37No, because you, like, just opened this little portal of hope.
23:40And I'm just like, I didn't even think of that.
23:43And now I'm just like, what if, and I'm going down that road.
23:46I can't, I can't.
23:48Just, I got to move away from that.
23:49Because I'll just, I'll fall apart and I can't be on this set.
23:53Okay, I just.
24:00Hope is dangerous sometimes.
24:02This is the new office and I like it.
24:23Amber and I have something we need to discuss with Jen.
24:27It's going to be very uncomfortable for Jen.
24:31But sometimes that's what friends do, is make friends uncomfortable.
24:35Hi.
24:36How you doing?
24:37Hi.
24:37I'm great.
24:39Good.
24:40How are you guys?
24:41Better than you.
24:42Chipper.
24:43We're peachy.
24:45Better than you.
24:46So Jen's husband has been fighting cancer for a couple of years.
24:50But this year, it's been definitely more intense.
24:55Because he's gotten into, like, all the radiation and all the surgeries.
25:01And now he's moving into another treatment that's going to help the recovery of his leg.
25:06And, you know, so there's a lot that has been going on.
25:10So we wanted to give you an update, though, of what we're going to do for the fundraiser.
25:15We have a plan.
25:19We are so excited about this, Jen.
25:21Thank you, guys.
25:22Amber and I have decided that we are going to do a fundraiser for her.
25:27And that kind of thing makes Jen very uncomfortable.
25:32Accepting help and being in a place where she needs help, she doesn't feel like she needs it.
25:36But, you know, this is what we can do.
25:38You know, we can't do anything about the cancer, but we can help alleviate the financial burden.
25:43So we'll do a bike ride.
25:46We'll just do a loop around town.
25:47Okay.
25:48But we are putting out there that people can rent bikes from your shop.
25:52Okay.
25:53So that's another way they can support you is to come and rent bikes and stuff.
25:58Hopefully that will bring people to your shop.
26:00They can see what you guys offer there, too.
26:02So that'll be good.
26:04And then we'll do a breakfast out here.
26:06Okay.
26:07On the front lawn.
26:08As we've been planning this event, you know, I've been telling people about it.
26:14I texted all my sisters, told them about it.
26:16I also mentioned it to Ron, and he's going to be coming down for it.
26:20So.
26:21Hello.
26:24So how's it going?
26:25Good.
26:26Yeah.
26:26Good so far.
26:27Have you done this before?
26:28Never in my life.
26:29I met Ron months ago at the speed dating event.
26:33So ever since then, he and I have just stayed in touch.
26:36We've hung out.
26:37We've just become friends, and we're just having fun getting to know each other.
26:44This will actually be the first time that Ron is down here in Parowan to see me and in my space,
26:52and I'm kind of excited about it.
26:53It'll be kind of cool.
26:58You okay with this?
27:00You know, like, you are so loved.
27:07I hate this from you.
27:12Sorry.
27:14Your glasses are in the way.
27:19She's very uncomfortable with it.
27:21She doesn't love this.
27:24You know what?
27:24Maybe the lesson that you're going to take out of this, Jen, is to accept support.
27:28You give it all the time.
27:30Now it's your turn to learn how to accept it.
27:47Okay, so I've been a bastard for about three years about this whole breakup.
27:51Four years, all right?
27:52There's some mistakes I made in plural marriage specifically.
27:58I don't know that she was expecting.
27:59I didn't tell her I was coming to apologize.
28:02What I offered her was an olive branch, and that was it.
28:05And so, well, an olive branch, well, that's a symbol of peace.
28:08Let's see what he's got.
28:10You know?
28:10When you and I got married, I remember this affection that we shared.
28:19And this really made me question plural marriage pretty hard.
28:23I wish I would have seen the need for you and I to protect our special place.
28:31If I would have understood that, I think it would have been a lot safer for you.
28:41I feel like I put you in harm's way and that it didn't step up to protect you.
28:49When Janelle and I got married, I didn't feel like we had a lot of room, space with each other.
29:04We didn't know each other that well when we got married.
29:08We weren't good communicators, but we started out with a tenderness.
29:12We started out with a sweetness.
29:13And for that, and the fact that I didn't protect you, like...
29:22We didn't know.
29:23We didn't have no idea.
29:24There was no book or anyone advising us.
29:28No, there wasn't, but my mistake in just not being brave enough, man enough, strong enough,
29:36because I know you didn't feel safe in that space, and you were probably thinking to yourself a lot,
29:42but I made a huge mistake in marrying this guy.
29:47There were some things that happened through the years that I kind of...
29:50Well, there were things that happened, especially that first year or two,
29:53that I kind of wish he would have stood out for me as much as he maybe...
29:59by default sort of took the other position, you know?
30:05Mary and I have very different personalities.
30:07We just clash.
30:09Like, I don't...
30:10We would never be friends, right?
30:12I never would.
30:12We just are so very different.
30:14So add that to the fact that there was a lot of...
30:18of jealousy and insecurity and stuff that we were working through,
30:23and it just was not...
30:24It was not good.
30:26I have an experience
30:28where I was going off to the mountain to log,
30:33and you were sobbing,
30:35and you were saying,
30:36do you love me?
30:37Do you love me?
30:38Do you love me?
30:40I just didn't realize that you weren't feeling safe.
30:43I've thought about that scene in my mind,
30:46that scenario where you were there,
30:48and I have just felt ashamed because you deserved to feel safe in that relationship,
30:53and I bailed that.
30:55So I was pregnant with Logan,
30:58and he was on the road.
30:59He was a route sales guy,
31:01and so his time at home was very...
31:03Like, there was a lot of...
31:04His time at home was limited,
31:06and I think he was trying so hard to, like,
31:09be a family
31:10that I think we sort of, again,
31:13lost track of who we were as just a couple.
31:15Yeah, I mean, I was obviously the first plural wife,
31:19so there's a lot that comes with that.
31:22And I think over the years,
31:23I just sort of learned to just keep the peace,
31:26and I lost a lot of my identity, like I did.
31:29I think I had to sort of emotionally close down
31:31to survive in those early years,
31:33and I think we just never got that back.
31:36So there's been some healing for me
31:38for him to say those things about those early years,
31:41which were really, really, really not pretty.
31:45The, um...
31:48Well, I think the experience was much harder
31:53than you thought it was going to be, and...
31:55Yeah, I think I went in pretty idealistic.
31:57Yeah, and if I...
31:58Once again, if I would have protected you,
32:00if I would have made you safe in that space,
32:03if you would have felt like I had your back...
32:06Yeah, yeah, our relationship...
32:08Yeah, we might have not...
32:09It would have made a lot of difference.
32:10...not have struggled as much as we did
32:11in those early years, you know what I mean?
32:13Yeah, and I always...
32:14And that's an ache in my heart
32:16that I have felt four or five years.
32:22We always had a really good relationship
32:26as far as, like, being able to talk to each other.
32:29I think we still do care for each other.
32:31I mean, like, how can you not?
32:33I've spent so many years married to him.
32:35I just think there is always a level of connection
32:39when you spend that much time married.
32:47If Cody started to be mean or anything like that,
32:49or aggressive towards me or anything like that,
32:51David, oh, my God, he'd become unglued.
32:53He wants to have a relationship.
32:55I just don't think he knows quite how to.
32:57If you don't start having a relationship
32:59with your kids now,
33:00down the road when you need them,
33:02they're not going to be there.
33:03Do you think Cody wants to meet up
33:15to talk crap on you?
33:17No, he said that he wants to extend an olive branch.
33:22I just don't trust that.
33:23I just don't trust him.
33:25No, I haven't told Cody whether or not
33:26I'm going to meet up with him at all.
33:28I'm not 100% going yet.
33:30So why?
33:31Why would I do that?
33:32I'm not going to trust anything
33:34that comes out of his mouth, so...
33:36He's just going to be mean.
33:37He's just mean.
33:39It's years of him being mean
33:40and putting me down
33:41and making me feel less than.
33:43You know, I'm nauseous.
33:43I'm already nauseous thinking about it.
33:44My stomach's already upset thinking about it.
33:47But you have done so much in your life
33:49in the last, what, three years?
33:51Mm-hmm.
33:51Look where you're at now.
33:53Yes.
33:54You're a very independent woman.
33:55Yes.
33:55I've seen it in you.
33:57I've watched what you can do.
33:59And things will be better
34:00because it's you and I there.
34:01Okay.
34:03And it will be fine.
34:04Mm-hmm.
34:05I promise you.
34:07David's always been pushing
34:08for more communication.
34:11And he's like,
34:12and what do you want more than anything?
34:14And I'm like,
34:14oh, for my kids to have
34:15a better relationship with their dad.
34:17And he goes, okay.
34:18Then you have to show them
34:20how to have a good relationship with him.
34:23See, he's right with this too.
34:24It just sucks.
34:25You didn't marry him
34:28because he was a terrible guy.
34:30No, he was great.
34:31He was a great guy.
34:32But times change and things change.
34:34People change.
34:35And people start going separate ways.
34:36Yeah.
34:37Everybody wants to keep living in the past.
34:39No.
34:39And the past will never make you
34:41go to the future.
34:42So I need to think about it.
34:43This isn't an olive branch.
34:44This is a peace talk.
34:45That's a peace talk.
34:46This isn't an olive branch from him.
34:48Let's just have to be a peace talk.
34:50Let's just move on.
34:51It doesn't matter.
34:52Things were said.
34:53Yeah.
34:54They're just going to move on.
34:55And what can we do
34:55to make this better for our kids?
34:57And for us to be in the same room too
34:58because if we're going to
34:59all do family reunions like I wanted
35:01and get together like I wanted,
35:03this needs to happen.
35:04But I'm not going to be
35:05in that mosh pit, okay?
35:07Cody could be in that mosh pit.
35:08You don't want to be
35:08in the dancing mosh pit?
35:09No.
35:10I'll just tackle people.
35:11Okay.
35:12Okay.
35:13That sounds good.
35:16I've decided to leave.
35:18I'm going to leave Cody.
35:18When I first was leaving Cody,
35:23I remember like there was
35:24a couple of conversations
35:25where I'd be like,
35:26look, I'm sure that we could
35:27all get together at some point,
35:29you know, and have a family reunion,
35:31you know, once a year
35:32or something like that.
35:33And everyone kind of looked at me
35:34like I was a fool.
35:36But getting the kids together
35:37would be an awesome thing.
35:39I don't need to see the adults,
35:41but the kids need to get together
35:42for sure.
35:46If you want to have a reunion,
35:47a family, and I'm all for it,
35:48I have zero,
35:50I'm not jealous,
35:51I'm not insecure
35:52about them all having to get together
35:55because my main focus on
35:56is the kids having
35:57a good relationship
35:58with everybody.
35:59If you don't start
36:00having a relationship
36:01with your kids now,
36:02down the road,
36:03when you need them,
36:04they're not going to be there.
36:06I tell you,
36:07don't let people walk
36:08all over you.
36:08No, I won't.
36:09So there you go.
36:11I won't.
36:12No, it's not going to be
36:15like it was before.
36:16I mean, I wouldn't allow it.
36:17I wouldn't put up with it.
36:17And David, oh my God,
36:18he'd become unglued.
36:20If Cody started to be mean
36:21or aggressive towards me
36:23or anything like that,
36:24no, no, God,
36:25David, no,
36:26he wouldn't allow that.
36:27But I wouldn't either.
36:28He wants to have a relationship.
36:31I just don't think
36:32he knows quite how to.
36:33No, I don't need to talk
36:34about anything with Cody.
36:36I would love to see him
36:37have a better relationship
36:38with his kids.
36:39If he's extending
36:40an olive branch here,
36:42we'll really then have
36:43a better relationship
36:43with my kids, you know?
36:45Put them first.
36:47And I love you.
36:48Love you, too.
37:00Do you ever feel like
37:02our breakup was just inevitable?
37:06By the time it happened,
37:08I didn't see that we were
37:08ever going to turn around.
37:09Okay.
37:11But, you know,
37:12I mean,
37:13I was really ready to move on.
37:15So Cody and I,
37:16as any relationship does,
37:18has had, like, ups and downs.
37:19And some of our lows
37:20were pretty low.
37:21And we always managed
37:22to come back.
37:23You stay and talk.
37:24I'm done listening to you.
37:25You stay and talk.
37:27Uh, no.
37:28I'm not going to
37:29because you're not listening.
37:30You're not listening to me.
37:31And I'm not going to.
37:33Okay, so we're done?
37:33Goodbye.
37:34you.
37:36The last time,
37:37I didn't want to reconcile.
37:39I didn't have any desire.
37:41The kids were definitely older.
37:43I didn't need
37:44the family's financial support
37:46as much.
37:47Like, it just,
37:47it just,
37:48there wasn't a lot of reasons
37:49to work through it.
37:50I feel like we've needed
37:53an olive branch,
37:54the entire family.
37:55And Janelle,
37:56you get the high owner
37:57of being the person
37:58I felt the safest with
38:00to start offering
38:01that olive branch.
38:03Oh, we did,
38:04we had a good,
38:05we had a,
38:05we had a great,
38:06like,
38:06like, I,
38:07thank you.
38:08I'm grateful
38:09for what we had.
38:10Yeah.
38:10I really am.
38:13Yeah.
38:14Thank you for being
38:15cool about this.
38:16I'm glad you came.
38:17Make it easy.
38:20Like, it was a great relationship.
38:21I still care about him.
38:23And I think he still cares about me,
38:24but I don't,
38:26he's not in my life
38:27and I'm not going to be
38:27in his life.
38:28And there's nothing there now.
38:31I wish he had a better
38:32relationship with the children
38:33because then,
38:34you know,
38:34then there would be
38:35a little bit more cohesion
38:36for the family.
38:38But I don't know.
38:39That's not,
38:40that's a long ways away,
38:40I suspect.
38:42I was thinking, though,
38:43um,
38:46Garrison can qualify,
38:47I think,
38:47for a military headstone.
38:49And I think he would love that
38:50because the military
38:51was a big part of his,
38:52like, what he loved, right?
38:53Okay.
38:54Yeah, he'd like him.
38:55So it's a matter
38:56of filing paperwork.
38:56Yeah,
38:57and I've got half of it done.
38:59I mean,
38:59I guess if you wanted
38:59to come up and meet me there,
39:00we can't do that.
39:01So would it just be you
39:03and I going there
39:03to place the headstone?
39:05I'm okay.
39:05It doesn't have to be
39:05a big deal.
39:06Yeah, let's do it.
39:07We'll both go up there.
39:09Okay.
39:09I mean, that's fine.
39:10Like, we can just meet there
39:11or something,
39:12you know what I mean?
39:12Yeah.
39:13All right.
39:14Um, you know,
39:15I didn't know
39:17what to expect coming.
39:18I'm grateful for the experience
39:20and I'm grateful he came.
39:21It's been healing
39:22to hear some of those things.
39:24That's a great idea.
39:25Thanks for meeting with me.
39:26I really appreciate it.
39:27I think it went very well.
39:32Janelle was very gracious.
39:33She was very kind.
39:34I felt like she made it easy
39:37to do this apology.
39:40Like, this is a pilgrimage
39:42and I have planned it
39:44for so long
39:45and I've needed this
39:47for four years.
39:50Boy, there's a lot of pressure.
39:52It's windy.
39:53The door wasn't easy to open.
39:56So...
39:56All right.
39:57Anyway, thank you.
39:58Thanks for meeting with me.
39:59I really appreciate it.
40:00We'll see you.
40:00All right.
40:00See you later.
40:01All right.
40:01Yeah, I've got two more wives
40:09to visit with.
40:10I get a little bit nervous
40:12thinking that it could go
40:14really, really wrong.
40:18This is my journey.
40:20This is something
40:21I am required to do.
40:23My hope is for them
40:24to receive it well.
40:27And if they don't,
40:28then we'll go back to God
40:31and say, what next?
40:32Do I do it again?
40:34I don't know.
40:41Next time on Sister Wives.
40:43Is there any part of you
40:44that would ever go back to Cody?
40:48I think at some point,
40:50I thought, what if he,
40:51like, what if we worked this out?
40:56This is the first time
40:58that Ron's been down here
41:00to Parowan
41:01and meeting all my friends.
41:04How is he going to act?
41:07It's weird,
41:08because we haven't really
41:09had a conversation
41:09since I left.
41:11Not really.
41:13Cody reached out to me
41:14and wanted to chat.
41:17I apologize.
41:19Here's the huge one.
41:21For saying I didn't love you.
41:22I love you.
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