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Southern Charm - Season 11 Episode 3 -
A Novel Approach
A Novel Approach
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😹
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00:00Previously on Southern Charm.
00:12Hey, Craig.
00:13Hey, girl.
00:14Shall we go to the bunkhouse?
00:15Hell, yeah.
00:16As things continued to heat up between Sally and Craig,
00:21Benita was getting a cold dose of reality.
00:24I was in Craig's hot tub at 4 o'clock in the morning.
00:27Oh.
00:28Oh, wait.
00:29I keep forgetting.
00:30Oh, my God.
00:32And when we all got together for Sally's beach party.
00:35Molly, do you want to do a keg stand?
00:378, 9, 10.
00:38There we go, baby.
00:40Shep debuted his single buddy, Wittner,
00:43but it was Sally's friend, Charlie,
00:46who was the belle of the ball.
00:48The question is, who is Charlie targeting?
00:51Well, I'm excited.
00:52Much to Sally's chagrin.
00:55What am I going to do while you're on a circuit?
00:57Oh, boy.
00:58I think I see something.
01:00Although, let's be honest.
01:02Her heart really belongs to another.
01:05Sally's got the hots for Austin.
01:08Which motivated a long overdue conversation between Austin and Audrey.
01:13I mean, I'd like you to visit Charlotte more.
01:15I just, like, feel like I'm at an age where I, like, want my space and I like my space.
01:20Yeah, then I don't want to question, like, why are we with each other?
01:23They've got trouble down the coast of mine.
01:27Bye-bye.
01:29This is so gross.
01:39This house is disgusting.
01:41What the frick?
01:44Oh, God.
01:46Ew, what is that?
01:49Ew.
01:502, 1, 2, 1, 0, 2, 0
01:58Man
02:20Hello.
02:34Hey, honey.
02:35Either you've had a busy weekend and just could not talk to your mother,
02:40or you have had a terrible weekend and didn't want to talk to your mother.
02:45No, it was a very, like, good weekend.
02:48I had a lot of fun.
02:49I mean, I obviously talked to you about the singles party beforehand.
02:53Yes, I saw your outfit.
02:55Your outfit was good.
02:56Thanks.
02:57My mom is my best friend.
02:59I mean, I am so close to my family because we're all in close proximity to each other.
03:05I mean, I'm born and raised in Greenwood, South Carolina, in the middle of nowhere.
03:10Like, this is how you know my town is too small.
03:12My dad would, like, sit me down and be like,
03:14Charlie, one of my friends told me that he saw you driving down the road on your cell phone.
03:20Are you texting and driving?
03:21That's whenever you know that your town is too small.
03:24So, yeah, Sally, she had this really cute setup, and I played football.
03:29You played football?
03:30Yeah.
03:31And I can prove it because look at all of these bruises.
03:35That one.
03:36Charlie Gale.
03:37This one.
03:38This one.
03:39Obviously, you didn't play very well.
03:41Mom, it was, okay, it was a...
03:44What?
03:47You were very pleasant, right?
03:49I was so pleasant.
03:50It's crazy.
03:52Are you interesting?
03:54Was I interesting?
03:56Do you think I'm uninteresting?
03:59Well, yeah.
04:01I mean, you can't be a task.
04:03No.
04:04I was incredibly interesting, Mom.
04:06I had a very Southern upbringing.
04:09Like, my mom put me and my little sister in a pageant just to see if we would like it,
04:13and we freaking loved it.
04:16Like, I loved being on stage.
04:19I'm not kidding.
04:19I was Miss, like, Tractor something.
04:21Like, I have to find a picture.
04:23I had a crown, and there was, like, it was a tiara, and there was a tractor in it.
04:27And then as, like, I got older, I did a cotillion.
04:30I was a debutante, of course.
04:32Of course.
04:34And I was actually Little Miss South Carolina overall queen.
04:38And then I did Miss South Carolina USA.
04:42And I lost.
04:43I was her judge in Miss South Carolina.
04:45What'd you rank her?
04:46I picked her to win.
04:48I don't believe them.
04:50So listen to this.
04:51At the party, Sally pulled me aside, and she said that she felt weird because Craig and I were, like, attached at the hip.
05:00She's like, I didn't feel like I was talking to him any more than I was talking to anyone else.
05:05If you're Indian, you can go for it.
05:08I just want you to talk to me about it.
05:10If I was into Craig, I would immediately tell you that I was.
05:14It's good that y'all could talk things through.
05:16Yeah.
05:16Me flirting with Craig at Sally's party is not me going for it.
05:22Whatever.
05:22So call me and let me know how things go, and then I can give you motherly advice.
05:30For sure.
05:30Be pleasant.
05:31Be pleasant.
05:33And smile.
05:34Okay.
05:35All right.
05:35I love you.
05:36Bye.
05:37Bye.
05:37Bye.
05:38Insane.
05:42Sally.
05:56What?
05:57Oh, is that Vanita?
05:58Yeah.
05:59You just let yourself in these days.
06:01Yeah, hi.
06:02He's going to pee on you.
06:04He's going to pee on you.
06:06How are you?
06:08I'm okay.
06:09Um, I do have my bathing suit on underneath, because I think sitting outside could be nice.
06:15Yeah.
06:16Come on, boys.
06:17Come on, guys.
06:22Fill me in.
06:23What's been going on?
06:24I had lunch with Molly.
06:27She's not a big fan of yours, I don't think.
06:29I got very drunk in the baby shower, so it kind of pissed me off that Sally was like,
06:33oh, Molly, oh my God.
06:35I wanted to apologize for how I acted at your baby shower.
06:39And, you know, Sally, like, brought it to my attention.
06:42Okay, noted.
06:44Yeah.
06:44I can't trust you.
06:46But, yeah, until she really pissed me off the other day, I was like, you know, I'm not
06:50going to repeat all of the things I say, because I'm not a shitty friend.
06:54But Sally can't call dibs on every single man in Charleston.
06:58Yeah.
06:58What are you going to do while you're on a start for?
07:01You can't call dibs on everyone.
07:06Craig's not yours.
07:06She also said that she was confused as to why you did not see it a problem to say to
07:14Audrey that you found Austin attractive.
07:16Never said that.
07:17I have said, I mean, would I hook up with him the day after they break up?
07:22Let's go.
07:23I'm honestly a little bit frustrated with Molly for talking about me to you because she's
07:30blowing my phone up every day, and I'm, like, thinking we're besties.
07:35Anyways, there's a lot of people I think are hot.
07:38I think that's okay.
07:41Mm.
07:42Well.
07:43Okay, so let's clear the air.
07:45You are or you aren't attracted to Craig?
07:47I mean, I don't know.
07:51Do I think he's hot?
07:52Yeah.
07:52Do I like being in his hot tub until 4.30 in the morning?
07:55Yeah.
07:57I don't do the best job of letting people know the things that they're doing are making me unhappy.
08:05Like, it's not that deep, if that makes any sense.
08:07I wish that there was a world where Sally could just open those big-ass blue eyes that she got.
08:13You'd be like, oh, right.
08:16Like, I shouldn't be doing this because my best friend is mad at the person I'm trying to go hang out with right now.
08:22I think that if this friendship is something that you truly value, you've got to give me a little bit more respect.
08:31Yeah.
08:32Because I feel like sometimes you do choose Craig over me.
08:37That would never happen.
08:39You have my word.
08:41I don't know.
08:41We'll see.
08:53Hi.
08:54Can I get a table for two?
08:56Yeah.
08:56You can follow me this way.
09:01Hey.
09:02Can I get you started off with anything to drink today?
09:04Let's do a Heineken non-alcoholic.
09:06All right.
09:07You're welcome.
09:10Hey, hey.
09:11Hey.
09:12Hi.
09:13Oh, you look nice.
09:14You look nice.
09:15Listen, I can't wear pants.
09:16I know I said I was being casual, but...
09:19Okay.
09:21Okay.
09:22How are you doing today?
09:23Can I get you started off with anything to drink?
09:25Sure.
09:26That looks like a perfect margarita.
09:27And we're both going to do Captain's Boil.
09:30Don't get this started.
09:31So, when's the last time you had crabs?
09:34If you don't feel comfortable answering that, you don't have to.
09:37Ha, ha, ha.
09:39Hmm.
09:39Well, first off, okay, so, the party.
09:44What's up on Saturday?
09:45I had fun.
09:46I got to talk to Audrey for a little while.
09:47Yeah, I know you did.
09:48So, is Craig and Sally a thing, or is it...
09:54Hmm.
09:54Okay, come on, come on.
09:56Honestly, Sally's got the hots for Austin.
10:00I mean, it's the truth.
10:02What was I going to do, lie to her?
10:04All righty.
10:05Holy moly.
10:06All righty.
10:07It's worth a treat.
10:08Oh.
10:09I'm doing a bib for sure.
10:11All right.
10:13Why you got it so tight?
10:14Your face is turning red.
10:16Okay.
10:17So, back to Audrey.
10:19Okay.
10:20I asked Audrey, I was like, so, how's the end of this thing going?
10:23It's been, like, 90-10 of him coming to Charlotte versus me coming here.
10:28Like, what is going on?
10:30I just feel that when she's here, I'm like, this is good and easy.
10:35I'm not going to lie, it's been easy.
10:38Well, that's big.
10:39But then I also have to go to the other end of it.
10:41I feel like when she's gone, I'm like, is this?
10:46It's, like, forever?
10:50Am I supposed to have those thoughts about the person that I could potentially spend the
10:55rest of my life with?
10:56Like, am I even supposed to second guess about someone that I should be like?
11:02I cannot even think about breathing without, like, you in my life.
11:07Like, you have to be able to say, like, I can't breathe without you.
11:10I would literally die.
11:11I'm, you know, 37, going on 38.
11:15And I'm like, am I a guy who's going to get married?
11:19Like, how can someone be so, so sure of such a forever long commitment?
11:26But listen, your time is valuable and hers as well, so I wouldn't, like, keep dragging
11:32it out if you know that it's not in-game.
11:35You might find somebody out there that actually takes your breath.
11:43Coming up.
11:44Happy people don't tear people down.
11:46You're not happy.
11:47And here you are, walking away.
11:49Oh, my God.
11:50Oh, my God.
11:51You dick.
12:06Well, we got some Pappy Von Winkles.
12:10Okay.
12:13Randy, are you in there?
12:15Yes, ma'am.
12:16So, I have to FaceTime Whitney, but as you know, I don't know how to do it.
12:23Could you pull those things out?
12:25Absolutely.
12:28Oh, my God.
12:29There you go.
12:30Okay.
12:33Whoops.
12:33Tick-tock.
12:36Wait a minute.
12:40Okay, so what do I do?
12:41So, we're going to go to your FaceTime and, or even your Facebook, to see if you can log
12:46in.
12:47Okay.
12:47Okay.
12:49Do you know your password?
12:50No.
12:51Let's, let's get your phone, because your phone may be already logged into it.
12:54Would you get it for me, please?
12:56I think I left it upstairs.
12:58Okay, no worries.
12:58I'll get it.
13:05Oh, look.
13:06I found it on the tray of snacks.
13:08Oh, how nice.
13:10If you hit this, will it automatically call him?
13:12I don't know.
13:13You're asking me.
13:14Let's see what happens here.
13:17All right.
13:18There you go.
13:18The green one.
13:19Oh, okay.
13:21You want me to get you a drink before you do the call?
13:24The usual?
13:25You got it.
13:25Please?
13:27Okay.
13:28Here goes.
13:32Hey, honey.
13:33Hello.
13:34Where are you?
13:36I'm coming upon Dolph Grace Square.
13:39So you're still in London.
13:41Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:41You probably don't believe this, but she's decorated all of Buckingham Palace with great pillows.
13:47Very funny.
13:51Before you let him go, you want to show him the Chauncey thing that came in?
13:53So I finally got the plaque for Chauncey.
13:56Oh, good.
13:57He's a proper burial.
13:58I know.
13:59Well, thank you.
14:00Oh, it's heavy.
14:01I know.
14:01Yeah, we'll do that when you get back.
14:05Chauncey had a neurological illness, and he developed breathing problems.
14:14I don't want to talk about it.
14:20Yeah, I miss Chauncey.
14:22I just adored him.
14:26Oh, my goodness.
14:29That's Chauncey, the grand dog.
14:31I'll take a grand dog any day.
14:34A little French bonnet for Chauncey, because you know how he likes to dress up.
14:40Chauncey.
14:41You know what?
14:41He's looking for a bone.
14:42Would you give him a bone?
14:43You're enabling his overeating.
14:46He needs to go on to Zembek.
14:47I know he, you know, he died months ago, but I was thinking, as you said, give him a proper burial.
14:55Yeah.
14:55I have an idea for that.
14:57You'll love it.
14:58It involves bagpipe players.
15:03That's what I was thinking.
15:08If you ever ask me about my dead husband, you'll never get the same response.
15:14On that note, I'll let you go.
15:17Look, I love you.
15:18Love you, honey.
15:20Now, I'll see if I know how to get out of it.
15:28Hey, Austin.
15:29Yo.
15:30What's up?
15:31Well, I have some news, Craig.
15:33Okay.
15:34I'm going to be a cat dad.
15:37I am adopting a cat.
15:40Austin, that's the kiss of death.
15:42What do you mean?
15:43My last three ex-girlfriends have gotten a cat right before breaking up with me.
15:47Are you serious?
15:50Yeah.
15:51Naomi got a new cat.
15:54And then during COVID, my ex had just gotten a cat, Stormy.
15:59And then Paige got a cat.
16:01And I was like, oh, cool.
16:02We're one happy family.
16:03And they're like, actually, this is a family of two.
16:07Oh, my gosh.
16:09I mean, it's something that Audrey and I are not doing, you know, together, right?
16:14But I really want a cat.
16:15So, I want to enlist you to help me pick out some for my cat.
16:21Um, yeah, I mean, I definitely have some tips to share for you.
16:25Come on.
16:27Ready?
16:28Hold on.
16:29It's going to be bumpy.
16:31What are you doing?
16:33Taking a bath?
16:34Okay, I'll stop bothering you.
16:36What do you think, Nisro?
16:38What do you want?
16:39I'm getting dinner ready.
16:41All right.
16:42I'll text you and we'll figure out when.
16:44Okay, sounds good.
16:45Later, dude.
16:48Oh.
16:59Hi.
16:59Hey.
17:00Here to see Charlie.
17:02Yeah, let me give her a call.
17:03Okay, cool.
17:04I love being a boyfriend and I love sharing life with someone.
17:09But, I mean, six months later, I am ready for a stranger in my bed.
17:16Hello.
17:18Hello.
17:19What's up?
17:19How's it going?
17:20How's it going?
17:20How are you?
17:21Oh, you look so nice.
17:23You too.
17:23How are you?
17:24I feel like when I have a connection with someone, I don't really waste time.
17:27But, I have an inherent fear of rejection that probably developed when I got friend-zoned in high school.
17:33So, like, any cockiness I have is fake.
17:36How do you suggest picking out a piece?
17:39Like, should you absolutely love it?
17:40Or should you just, like, pick something that you, like, come to love one day?
17:44No, you should absolutely love it.
17:46Whenever I first started working at the art gallery, I used to, like, talk about it endlessly whenever I'd be drunk out at a bar.
17:53I'm primarily at the art gallery that I work at.
17:57And then, sometimes, like, the next day, people would show up and I'm like, oh, my God.
18:02I guess I told you to come in here.
18:05So, if I see something I love, we'll get it no matter what?
18:07Yeah, yeah, yeah.
18:07Like, that would fit there.
18:09It's also already sold, so.
18:10You can't have it.
18:12Honestly, the me, Sally, Craig situation gives me the ick on all of it.
18:17Can you outbid people?
18:19No, it's sold.
18:20But, I really like Craig.
18:23So, him coming to the gallery, like, even if he does have all of these other motives, like, that's not my job to decipher.
18:29You know, like, he says that he's interested in art.
18:31Okay, I'm going to show him art and I'm going to hope that he buys something because I get commission.
18:35Do you want watercolors or, like, oils?
18:39Realistically, I want to buy a really big picture of a tiger or a penguin or a polar bear.
18:46Like, a watercolored.
18:47Of a tiger.
18:48Okay, I'm so confused.
18:50Do you want a tiger or a polar bear?
18:53Do you have this?
18:54No.
18:55Oh, well, I definitely play a long game.
18:59The only way that I've ever had a long-term girlfriend is, foundationally, we have been friends first.
19:05I really have to touch this.
19:06Just be careful.
19:08How dare you?
19:09I'm just kidding.
19:09And then, after a while, just started to smile at each other so much that, like, you know, all of a sudden, you're like, oh, I kind of want to kiss this person.
19:18And, like, you like, you like them.
19:19Like, I'm not saying I like Craig, but I do like flirting with Craig.
19:26I do.
19:27Do I have to wait until she dies for it to get, like, valuable?
19:30No.
19:33I kind of feel like that's a thing in the art world.
19:36I'm sure after she does die, it will.
19:38I mean, I don't want her to die.
19:40Do you know her age and health condition?
19:44Coming up.
19:45Rolly's been doing his shots the past three years.
19:48Sally's never happy with her shots.
19:50Because it's always in your hot tub, Craig.
19:59Are you, uh, like, are you going to wit's thing?
20:04Sure.
20:05What are you going to dress like?
20:06I've got to put some bod into this.
20:09Having a birthday party on Saturday.
20:11And, uh, the theme is literary figures.
20:15So that can be an author or a character.
20:18My gears are grinding now.
20:20It's going to be funny.
20:21I hope Charlie's there.
20:24I think she's very attractive.
20:26Very pretty.
20:27I mean, I would totally be open to going out with her.
20:31Well, Austin told me that Craig went to go see Charlie at her, the art gallery that she works at.
20:39Okay.
20:41I mean, I was in the hot tub with Craig and Sally a week and a half ago.
20:45But whatever.
20:47If Craig likes her, gang's away, you know?
20:49First of all, I'm not going to, like, jockey for position or anything like that.
20:53I'm too old for that shit.
20:55Maybe I'm too old for her, frankly.
20:58She's 27.
21:00I got a lot of last year when people were like, well, of course Sienna did this or that.
21:05She's 26.
21:06But then again, I'm maturing at a glacial pace.
21:10Craig's an interesting cat.
21:12I stopped trying to figure him out.
21:13I told Austin to do the same.
21:16Yeah, I think, you know, Austin has FOMO.
21:20Oh, man, poor Austin.
21:21He can't make a decision for Christ sometimes, can he?
21:24No, man, that's kind of his problem.
21:26I mean, you know, what did he say to Wittner?
21:28We were at folly.
21:30We'd just gone surfing.
21:31Look, man, I don't know if she's, you know, the one.
21:35Look, the grass is always greener.
21:37I get that.
21:38It's just the way, it's just human nature, you know?
21:44Oh, here's Dad.
21:45Hey, I was thinking I could pull right up to the storage unit and start to look at furniture
21:51for the new house.
21:53Whatever you want to do, we're ready for you.
21:55All right, bud.
21:55I recently bought this new house because I just wanted a house on Sullivan's Island,
22:00which is one of my favorite places in the world.
22:03It's bigger.
22:04It's like historical.
22:05Four bedrooms, four baths, and I don't know what to put in it.
22:10My dad, I think, is kind of excited to get rid of stuff that just sits there, yeah.
22:15Look at that.
22:16Look at him.
22:17My parents were a big factor in me getting this house.
22:21My brother bought a big house with his two kids and wife, and my sister, same thing.
22:27So, for them, in the normal trajectory of a guy's life, I'm 10 years behind, maybe 15.
22:35Well, Rodrigo, get excited.
22:38Yeah.
22:38Biggest swap meet in South Carolina.
22:41Oh, my God.
22:42These are all pictures of ships.
22:44We've got like 10 of those.
22:46Yes, all those.
22:48Take this guy.
22:49Chuck's parents are probably thinking that, like, at this point in his life that he's
22:54going to have a wife and kids in this big house.
22:57Instead, he brings his gay interior designer to come rifling through his parents' belongings
23:02that they don't want anymore.
23:03This table is available.
23:05Do you like it?
23:06I do like that.
23:07Oh, for sure.
23:09This is a nice chest of drawers.
23:11Yes to this guy.
23:12Okay, good.
23:12Mark that.
23:13These are Ralph Lauren.
23:15Yes.
23:16Where do these go?
23:17We'll figure that out.
23:17Okay.
23:19Antique Wash Basin.
23:20This is amazing.
23:22Rod.
23:22Think beach.
23:24Ocean.
23:24Dude, I love this.
23:25Okay.
23:26Most of this is treasure.
23:28Definitely find a place for that.
23:29Just put a little tape on this.
23:30We'll take that.
23:31We'll take that.
23:31We'll take that.
23:32Perfect.
23:35Yeah.
23:35Really?
23:36Listen to your designer.
23:37I don't know what Rod's design sense is quite yet.
23:42This is a beautiful painting.
23:44This is incredible.
23:45Look how hopeful you look in your eyes.
23:47Yeah.
23:48That was before life beat me down.
23:49Well, I love it.
23:52Yes to this.
23:53What?
23:55Oh, my God.
24:01I'm feeling emotional today.
24:03All right.
24:04I drove through this neighborhood when I first moved to Charleston, and I was like, I'm going
24:10to marry some old rich man, and I'm going to live out here, because I was like, that's
24:13the only way I'm going to be able to do that.
24:16Sure enough, you didn't marry an old rich man.
24:19No, I've got a hunky man and my own money, or hat.
24:24We just sold our starter home on Daniel Island.
24:28Home sweet home.
24:29And we're moving into our forever home, which is just right around the corner.
24:34Hey, guys.
24:35Hey.
24:37Congratulations.
24:38Thank you, Tim.
24:39I have a little something for you, actually.
24:41Oh.
24:41Maybe you can't drink this right away, but.
24:43Oh, really?
24:44Maybe you can.
24:46I love it.
24:47Amazing.
24:47Well, after you guys, enjoy.
24:50Oh, my God, Brad.
24:52Can you believe it?
24:53I mean, I'm very happy.
24:56The house itself is, like, southern.
24:58It's charming.
24:59It's exactly, like, what everybody wants.
25:02I know it is a high price, trust me, but honestly, the house is just, it's perfect.
25:08And, I mean, if I have a bill I've got to pay, I will turn into a kitchen beautician, and
25:12I will make sure that it is all taken care of.
25:17Yay.
25:18My dreams are coming true.
25:21I mean, hello.
25:22Look at this.
25:24Check, check, check.
25:25I'm excited.
25:26Me, too.
25:27Should we go look at the nursery first?
25:29Yeah.
25:30Aw.
25:32You start crying.
25:34I have a baby in here.
25:36I know.
25:38Crazy.
25:39When you laugh like that, I know you're nervous.
25:41Yeah.
25:42This is where I plan to raise all my future children, too.
25:45Hey, I got the house to fill all these rooms with babies.
25:51And this is where we'll make all six other kids.
25:54No, I'm kidding.
25:55I thought you were going to say the sex tapes.
25:57Well, we're going to have to leak those to pay for this shit.
26:00The fact that I'm even, like, approved for something like this after being, like, called white trash for how many years?
26:08Shut him.
26:09He said that I was a white trash hairstylist.
26:12Oh, my God.
26:13Whatever.
26:14You're a terrible person, and you're a trash can.
26:16Oh, my God.
26:18Let's go out to the pool.
26:19And now it's, like, life is so good that it doesn't feel real.
26:24This is crazy.
26:25I only can imagine what your dad would be saying if he saw this walked in here.
26:30I mean, when he walked in the other house, he kind of believed it.
26:32Yeah.
26:33When he walked in here, he would just...
26:34I know.
26:36Well, don't make me cry.
26:38Mm-hmm.
26:38Okay.
26:45Mm-hmm.
26:49Coming up...
26:50Charlie and I definitely have chemistry.
26:52Hell, me and Sally even do.
26:54And I'm having fun, like, being able to kiss someone if I wanted guilt-free.
26:58What would it have been?
26:58Hey, how's it going?
27:11Good.
27:11How are y'all?
27:12Good.
27:12My friend's getting a kitten for the first time.
27:16Well, that's him right there, so how are you?
27:19Good, dude.
27:20I'm, like, really, I mean, giddy having walked in here just now.
27:23Oh, good.
27:24It's like a whole new world.
27:25Rodrigo's cat had a litter, and I don't like coming home to just, like, an empty house.
27:30So I really want to have a couple cats who are excited to see me when I walk in.
27:38Cool.
27:38So you're getting one cat?
27:39Two cats?
27:40Two girls.
27:40Two girls.
27:41Yeah.
27:41That's actually the background on my phone.
27:43Do you have names picked out?
27:44Piper and Martini.
27:46I suggest getting this litter box with the walls just for privacy right now.
27:51Oh, okay.
27:53Do we have kitten treats?
27:54Yeah, we got kitten treats.
27:55Age appropriate?
27:56Yeah.
27:57Right.
28:00You know what?
28:01We need one with a bell.
28:03Get that for them.
28:05All right, man.
28:06I'm making the commitment to get cats, which is a daunting thing.
28:10He doesn't even have a carrier, so.
28:12Oh, yeah.
28:12I've got cloth carriers or a hard shell carrier, too.
28:15Oh, my gosh.
28:16Okay.
28:17You have a mean commitment.
28:18I have not been the most simpatico partners.
28:21There's a coffee shop next door.
28:23Why don't you close out in here?
28:24Yeah.
28:24Head over there.
28:274-26-21.
28:30Take the rest of your day.
28:32Thank you all.
28:33Here you go.
28:34Let's just throw it in the back.
28:35We're just going to get outside, if that's okay.
28:41Yeah.
28:43It's a nice day.
28:44You know, all that shopping for my cat just makes me hungry, Craig.
28:47I know.
28:49Cheers to the new kitties.
28:51Thanks, man.
28:52Yeah, dude.
28:53I think that you should come over and see me being like a cat dad in action.
28:56Maybe I'll come before we go to Wit's birthday party.
29:00What are you going to dress as?
29:01I haven't thought about it yet.
29:02Let's ask ChatGVT.
29:04With everything that you know about me so far in our relationship, I have to dress as a literary figure.
29:11Give me a couple options of what I should dress as.
29:17Jay Gatsby.
29:18Damn, that's a compliment.
29:21ChatGVT gasses me up.
29:23Dorian Gray.
29:2550 Shades of Gray.
29:26Is that who that is?
29:27Dorian Gray is the guy who has a portrait, and he stays young forever as long as his portrait remains intact.
29:36Oh.
29:37I don't like my side of the mouth.
29:38Is that 50 Shades of Gray?
29:39I love it.
29:41I'm not a huge scene party guy.
29:42You're scarred from having to dress up in the Hamptons.
29:46Well, now it's after my breakup, and I will say that I tried, like, the lover version of myself, and now I'm back to the party version of myself.
29:54Yeah.
29:54I have not seen, like, a single Craig in what feels like forever.
30:00Whether it's, like, Sally or Charlie, I'm having fun, like, being able to kiss someone if I wanted guilt-free.
30:05Who would it have been?
30:07Um, you know, like, Charlie and I definitely have our chemistry.
30:12Hell, me and Sally even do.
30:13Like, we were, like, hanging out at my house in the hot tub Saturday night.
30:16Yeah, I think that I kind of have a little bit of FOMO.
30:20Like, I do a little bit miss, you know, being single, right?
30:24I would do anything not to be single right now.
30:27Like, I did not want to be single, but someone made that decision for me.
30:30So, Austin and this half-in, half-out, it's bullsh**.
30:36Look, I just, I'm having fun being a flirt.
30:41But, like, I was really good in a relationship.
30:44I loved it.
30:45Everything in life is give and take and sacrifices and stuff.
30:49And when it's the right person, and if you're her person, then it doesn't matter.
30:53And it works out if you're willing to put the work in.
31:00Coming up.
31:01Yours is cute.
31:04Hi.
31:05Hi.
31:06I felt the tension.
31:07Yeah.
31:07I'm so bad at being, like, fake.
31:15Hello there for the party.
31:27Okay.
31:28Coming, coming, coming.
31:29Hurry up.
31:30It's hot.
31:31Hi.
31:32Hey.
31:32You're cute.
31:34I'm real excited.
31:35Bring my best sporty spice.
31:36I can help you set up.
31:37The assistance is very well appreciated.
31:40I guess you've got to throw your own birthday parties when you're in your 30s, apparently.
31:43So, I got stuff for the cocktails and everything else.
31:48Oh, probably.
31:48Look at this stuff.
31:49Yeah, I know.
31:49But I need your designer eye.
31:52Take a look at the place.
31:53Yard's all done up.
31:54We've got the, uh...
31:54Oh, wait.
31:54This looks really nice.
31:56Yeah.
31:56I love the benches.
31:57Yeah.
31:57They also delivered 16 chairs, which I stashed in my shed, but...
32:02You know, I like the benches better.
32:03Yeah.
32:04What made you come up with this idea?
32:05Like, the theme?
32:06My mom.
32:07Oh, fun.
32:08My family has always been big on theme parties.
32:10It's anything from, you know, like, Cole Porter to the 50s to eras of history.
32:15It makes for some great family photos.
32:18I've actually been friendly with Witt's mother for almost 10 years because I used to work at a store,
32:25and she was one of our frequent shoppers that came in.
32:27And I never put two and two together because she never really, like, spoke about the kids.
32:33My mom is very anti-establishment, straight up.
32:37She would be an anarchist if she could.
32:39People are coming out.
32:40What time?
32:40Seven?
32:41Um, seven was what I told everyone.
32:42Okay, it's 3.12.
32:43I need an hour to get ready and two hours to set up, so let's go.
32:45You're in charge.
32:46I just want to see what it looks like.
32:48It's pretty.
32:50Once this is steamed, I can start staging to see what I like and what I hate.
32:53Yes, ma'am.
32:54So every other plate will be different.
32:56Very careful with the blue ones.
32:57I won't break them, I promise.
32:59I've actually only used them once.
33:00Really?
33:01Yeah, an anniversary a couple years ago.
33:03Haven't used them since.
33:05But I have licked my wounds.
33:07I am good now.
33:08What are you talking about?
33:09Uh, I was engaged in August of 2023, and she, like, walked out two months later.
33:15Like, I walked out of your life?
33:17Oh, yeah.
33:18I was with my ex for three years and lived together happily for two and a half.
33:22I absolutely did love her, but one day it was just over.
33:25She just said she needed space, and that was it.
33:28What was happening?
33:29She said it was a bunch of things I did wrong.
33:32I begged for couples therapy.
33:34She just wouldn't do it.
33:35And then, like, finally I came home and she'd moved out.
33:37Have you tried dating since, or what's that world like for you?
33:40Yeah, to varying degrees of not successful.
33:43Oh, my God.
33:44Oh, I mean, I was heartbroken.
33:46Probably still am to some degree.
33:49Do you like it?
33:49No, it looks awesome.
33:50Okay, I thought...
33:50No, it looks great.
33:52You're a rock star.
33:52I'm going to go get ready.
33:54Yes, about time.
33:55Yeah.
34:05All right.
34:07I'm cute.
34:08I look like a little teacher.
34:10This one's cute, too.
34:13Oh, no.
34:14Oh, s***.
34:15Which one do I do?
34:16This is like a single boy costume.
34:19You know, Craig, I'll be a pretty good wingman for you tonight, because I don't think I'm going
34:23to be getting the chicks wearing my costume.
34:27The reason you're not going to get chicks, Austin, is because you have a girlfriend.
34:36Barkas, how do you make a mojito?
34:40Don't know.
34:42Here comes the bride.
34:43Very sparkly.
34:47Wait, hold on, hold on.
34:48I like it.
34:49Yes.
34:49It's not like a venita.
34:50It's Medusa.
34:52It plays.
34:52Yeah.
34:55Oh, dude, this looks great.
34:55It looks so nice.
34:56Venita did all of it, so we owe it all to her.
34:59Nice.
34:59We got some cocktails there.
35:01I love cocktails.
35:01We got beers.
35:01We got wine.
35:02I'm Hemingway running of the bulls.
35:04Running of the bull?
35:05The bull.
35:05He's a bull.
35:06He's a bull.
35:10Is this it?
35:11You shall not pass.
35:14Yes.
35:16Is this Molly?
35:18You look so hot.
35:20Look at this.
35:21It looks enormously hot and horrible, but I love it.
35:23It is terrible.
35:25It's all for you.
35:32Yes.
35:33Another Lonesome Dove.
35:36Lonesome Dove.
35:38Captain Gus McRae.
35:40Sometimes you got to move on.
35:41Listen to this.
35:41What does the internet say about Gus McRae?
35:44He is a lazy, loquacious, and charismatic rake with a fondness for alcohol, gambling, and
35:49horrors.
35:50He does sound like you.
35:52Look out.
35:53Honey!
35:54You look so good.
35:57I got to give the birthday boy a hug for you.
35:59Happy birthday.
36:00You look wonderful.
36:01Kissing Kate Barlet from Holes.
36:03You know?
36:03From what?
36:04Holes.
36:05What's that?
36:06You don't know Holes, the movie?
36:07Holes?
36:08Flash book.
36:08It was a book first.
36:09Holes.
36:10Holes?
36:11Holes.
36:12Holes.
36:13Some girls dress up like Sally and Vanita.
36:18Some girls are Gandalf.
36:21I didn't even literally see you.
36:23You shall not tie up.
36:24No, Molly walked in and I was like, who is intriguing?
36:28Yours is cute.
36:29Hi.
36:30Where did you get this?
36:31Amazon.
36:32Hi.
36:33Hi.
36:34Hi.
36:36I felt the tension.
36:37Yeah, it was weird.
36:38I ordered two and this was the way better one.
36:40I'm sorry.
36:40I'm so bad at being like fake.
36:42I can't.
36:43Oh, God.
36:44Want to come in the house with me?
36:45Yeah, I do.
36:45Okay.
36:46I can't look at someone in the face when they've been talking about me.
36:50Ten points for Gryffindor.
36:52Ten points for Gryffindor.
36:54Wow.
36:54This is amazing.
36:56Medusa, don't take it to be too long.
36:58Hey.
36:58You look great.
37:00Can I play with your gun?
37:02Might use it on you later.
37:03You never know.
37:04Excuse me.
37:05So help me God.
37:08Do you know who I am?
37:09No.
37:09Rupio.
37:10Oh, cool.
37:11It's from Hook.
37:13Don't I look like the leader of the Lost Boys?
37:15Yeah.
37:15I mean, Rupio.
37:16You do.
37:16There you go.
37:17That's up.
37:17And it's very fitting for Charleston, honestly.
37:19Rupio works.
37:20Nailed us, too.
37:21I need Benita.
37:22For real.
37:23Okay.
37:23Can I ask if you could play with my gun?
37:26Oh, Craig, Craig, Craig.
37:28You thought I meant in a sexual way.
37:29Yeah.
37:30Oh, Craig, you look so hot.
37:34Oh, my God.
37:35You look amazing.
37:35My hair was better before the wind got it.
37:38No, I look sketchy.
37:38You like it?
37:39No, I look great.
37:43Coming up.
37:44You're the only unhappy person here because you're living a lie.
37:47Craig, you don't know anything.
37:48You told me that you were jealous I was single.
37:51Oh, my God.
37:57Happy birthday.
37:58You want a beverage?
37:59I'll do the mojito.
38:00Cool.
38:00Hey.
38:02How are you?
38:04I'm good.
38:04Don't look at me too hard.
38:05I need my turn you in a stone.
38:06I need my turn you in a stone.
38:07I just want to move.
38:13Well, happy birthday.
38:16This is fun.
38:18Do you know who I am?
38:19I have no idea.
38:20Wait, hold on.
38:21Let me think.
38:24Um, I don't know.
38:26Hey, man.
38:27Hey.
38:28What up?
38:29Tell me about yourself.
38:32I'm Shepard Rose.
38:33Oh, my God.
38:35He's a literary figure.
38:36You're right.
38:37He wrote a book.
38:39I mean, you nailed it.
38:41Did I?
38:42I think shorts and a blazer is a thing I might explore in the near future.
38:45Just saying.
38:46I think I'm doing it better.
38:47It's very bulk.
38:49Well, I did get you a gift.
38:51You did?
38:51You did?
38:52I got you your very own sharp tooth neck.
38:57Oh, my God.
38:58All the bitches get these.
39:00You got me a megalodon tooth.
39:02Taylor, you have that necklace, right?
39:04It's the same one you got me.
39:05It's a great white tooth necklace.
39:09Oh, just two peas in a pod.
39:12Madison!
39:13My God.
39:15Guess who she is.
39:17Me!
39:18Is this the best thing that's ever happened to you?
39:21Madison!
39:21Yeah, look at him.
39:22This is the best thing ever happened to you.
39:23Madison, you are way too well-dressed to be Shep.
39:26The only thing she's missing is, like, a 21-year-old girl on her arm.
39:29But other than that, I mean, chef's kiss.
39:34Hi, Kylie.
39:36You look amazing.
39:38Hi, baby.
39:38Hey, how are you?
39:42Who are you?
39:43You look beautiful.
39:44I'm Daisy Buchanan from Great Gatsby Show.
39:47Let's watch him try to hit on Charlie.
39:49Who are you?
39:50Watch.
39:51Did you ever watch Hook?
39:53Yeah.
39:54She knows it.
39:55Who am I?
39:59Leader of the Lost Boys.
40:00Oh, oh.
40:02That's even better.
40:03He's trying so hard.
40:04Yeah.
40:04Rufio.
40:05Yeah.
40:06Rufio.
40:06Bangarang, Rufio.
40:08That's great.
40:10Like, I can see, like, you can tell Austin's talking about me.
40:14You know, I think I clock more than he realizes.
40:18Austin, let's do a shot.
40:20We have to.
40:21A shot?
40:21Yeah, come on.
40:23Yeah, you want to do one with us?
40:25Yeah.
40:25Wait, Craig, what are you doing?
40:27This is all we have.
40:29What?
40:30You know, a shot is just a mini drink.
40:32I've always been doing his shots the past three years.
40:37Austin likes to make little digs, and it's because he has FOMO.
40:44Sally?
40:46Charlie?
40:47Charlie?
40:47Yeah.
40:48Okay.
40:49Cheers, guys.
40:51What was that?
40:52Tequila?
40:53It didn't even taste like anything.
40:54Sally's never happy with her shots.
40:57Because it's always in your hot tub, Craig.
40:59Okay.
41:02Austin's so jealous.
41:04I'm not jealous at all.
41:06Not at all.
41:07Wow.
41:07Do you hear him?
41:08Oh, Craig's hot tub.
41:09I'm like, you're so jealous.
41:11Whoa.
41:12You're locked up now in your house.
41:14Okay, Craig.
41:14You and your kittens.
41:16Craig, you've been locked up for five years, and all of a sudden he emerges, and he's having
41:20fun.
41:21I don't know why it bothers you what other people do.
41:22It doesn't, Craig.
41:23Just be yourself, man.
41:25That's all anyone wants.
41:26I'm being myself.
41:27I'm having late nights at my house, partying with everyone, and it's been a blast.
41:30Woo!
41:30So for you to hate on fun is silly.
41:32Whoa.
41:33Craig has emerged.
41:36You started it.
41:37Craig, I'm not mad, dude.
41:38You look insane.
41:38Okay, then why don't you make a smart-ass comment about it?
41:40You look insane right now.
41:41You're the only one that's bitter, and you don't know yourself.
41:44Should I switch it around on you and pull out a Craig Conner special?
41:47Austin, what happened?
41:48You're the only unhappy person here because you're living a lie.
41:52You're stuck in a relationship.
41:54You're not happy.
41:55Okay, Craig.
41:57Craig, you don't know anything.
41:58I do know.
41:59You don't know anything.
42:00You told me that you were jealous I was single.
42:03You know what?
42:03You know who doesn't say that?
42:04I never said that.
42:05Yes, you did.
42:05In Chicago.
42:06Oh, my God.
42:07Never.
42:08I would never say it.
42:09I'm not jealous of anything you got going on.
42:11I promise you very much.
42:12Okay, Austin.
42:13Happy people don't tear people down.
42:15You're not happy.
42:16And here you are, tearing people down.
42:18I didn't start it.
42:20Here you go.
42:21Oh, my God.
42:22Walking away.
42:24Ugh, Jesus Christ.
42:25Craig Conner for special.
42:26Everyone's mad but me.
42:27I hope you find happiness one day.
42:30I hope you do, too, Craig.
42:31I really do.
42:33You dick.
42:39F***ing loser.
42:40I hope you find happiness one day.
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