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#RealityTVDeep
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00:00I'm blocking off time in your calendar between nap in my car and get pedicure.
00:04I don't have a pedicure scheduled.
00:06I know. I decided those piggies need a spa day.
00:11Work is so crazy, I have no time for anything.
00:14Last week I got a wax while having a virtual gynecology appointment.
00:22Oh, I wish my hearing was worse.
00:25Oh, Dad, before I forget...
00:30Are you dancing again?
00:34It's from my tip jar. I want to help out with the bills.
00:37Not the water bill.
00:38The way Carter showers, I'll never be able to afford that.
00:42You're giving me cash.
00:44Wow.
00:45Ooh, it's the last time this ever happened.
00:48Um, never, never, never.
00:51I'm going for my driving lesson.
00:54I'm not taking him on a driving lesson today.
00:57Austin!
01:00Is that a driving instructor's car?
01:02Temple of Room driving school?
01:07I hired Carter a driving instructor.
01:09Hey, this isn't how I wanted you to find out.
01:11By that I mean I hoped you'd never find out.
01:14We have to move again, don't we?
01:17Why didn't you tell me this?
01:19Well, your teaching style wasn't exactly helping Carter.
01:22You made him flip off a school bus.
01:24The little girl started it.
01:25Look, my dad taught me how to drive.
01:29I taught you and your brother how to drive.
01:31Which was great for driving ourselves to therapy.
01:35Look, Pops, I need to pass this test.
01:37Your teaching makes me a little nervous.
01:39River's teaching style is positive reinforcement.
01:42River is a dude's name?
01:44Or did you just make that up to piss me off?
01:45I didn't think that an emotional support grandfather was a thing, but I'm legally not allowed to ask.
01:54I signed the waiver.
01:55Do you want him here?
02:01Yes.
02:02Yes.
02:17Okay.
02:18Now, when you come to a stop sign, give it a full three seconds.
02:21Think of it as a moment of mindfulness.
02:23Oh, or really, we're in California.
02:25It's called the California Stop.
02:27You glide up to it, take a look, and you keep moving.
02:30I'm sorry.
02:31Mr. Parker, as an accredited driving instructor, that is very dangerous advice.
02:35As an accredited driving instructor, let me ask you a question.
02:38About five turns back, a BMW passed us.
02:41What color was it?
02:43They never asked you that.
02:44Wrong answer.
02:45White BMW chrome trim.
02:47A good driver has to know everything.
02:49It's called situational awareness.
02:50Okay, now, we're going to turn right up here.
02:53Just go nice and slow.
02:55No, no, no, no, no.
02:56This actually goes into one lane.
02:57Just turn and go down Sherman away.
02:59That way we can really beat some feet.
03:01Do not listen to him, Carter.
03:02He's not qualified to give a lesson just because he bought his first car from Fred Flintstone.
03:08Oh, no, he didn't.
03:11Not qualified, huh?
03:12How about take a look at my driver's license?
03:14I can drive a motorcycle, regular vehicle, and I got a commercial license.
03:18I'm like Vin Diesel with gorgeous hair.
03:21You guys get furious fast.
03:24Well, it shows your license expired two months ago.
03:27Were you aware of that situation?
03:31Oh, no, he doubled in it!
03:37Damn it, the code's not working.
03:39It's not supposed to open.
03:40It's here to get your fingerprints and hunt down your family.
03:45Do you need help?
03:46No!
03:47This is worse than when that Roomba sucked out my birth control pills.
03:51But that all worked out.
03:55Mom, we need to get the brownie stuff for the bake sale.
03:57Ooh, I have stuff to make brownies.
03:59Probably not the kind you want to sell to kids.
04:03Whoever sells the most gets to be principal for a day.
04:06This is it.
04:07My slow but calculated ascension to world domination.
04:10God have mercy on Stanbridge Jr. Hyde.
04:16Gabe, why are you just standing there?
04:17Help me!
04:20All right, everybody, listen.
04:22If Popo show up, my name is Tyrone.
04:24I don't want to point any fingers, but I think somebody killed the robot.
04:32Mom, here we go.
04:34I don't want the bake sale.
04:36Morgan's Pilates is going to be principal and make math optional.
04:39Why don't we just hand the country to China?
04:41I'm almost done, honey.
04:44I just have to take their orders, make the coffee, clean up, close down, curl up in a fetal position, and have a little cry.
04:50Maybe we should just hand the country to China.
04:52I can take Georgia.
04:54Oh!
04:55You don't have to take her.
04:56Please take her.
04:57I got you.
04:58You have a robot funeral to plan.
05:00I didn't know him that well, but I'll speak.
05:06The delivery company's going to charge me for this.
05:09We can fix it.
05:10Oh, thanks.
05:12They're still pissed about when I got drunk and rode one home from the bar.
05:16Riley, that was me.
05:26Oh!
05:26I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.
05:36In the good way, not the dead way.
05:38What are you doing?
05:40Oh, I was practicing for my driver test, but now I'm watching videos of people eating cinnamon.
05:47This dude just threw up.
05:51I totally saw that.
05:52I know.
05:53Hey.
05:53Get all you needed, Georgia?
05:55Yep.
05:55Then we got Froyo and to an escape room.
05:58We were paired with a British couple who seemed smart, but of just their accents.
06:03Turns out they've done people, too.
06:05Remember, they kept saying,
06:07This is quite the predicament.
06:10Wow.
06:11You guys fit in a lot.
06:12Guess everyone had a fun day.
06:14I ran out of gas at a traffic circle.
06:17Ew, that sucks.
06:19I'm sorry.
06:20Yeah, that sounds like quite the predicament.
06:26Today was the best, Eve.
06:28I wish we could hang out again tomorrow.
06:30Ooh, maybe you could go out for fish and chips.
06:33Ooh, it's getting late.
06:35Matt, DMV time.
06:37DMV?
06:38Yeah, Grandpa's license expired.
06:40River busted him.
06:41Grandpa yelled.
06:42River cried.
06:44Grandpa laughed.
06:45Matt is handling this whole thing surprisingly well, though.
06:53Smile for your picture, Pops.
06:54I renew my license all the time, you know.
07:02I just didn't get the paperwork.
07:04And then they always find me when it's about jury duty.
07:08Well, that's because if the government's got a list of 12 angry men, you're on it.
07:13You know, I'll tell you what.
07:15This wait time is even impressive by DMV standards.
07:18I don't think that woman was pregnant when we got here.
07:22Next.
07:27How can I help you?
07:28Who do I complain to about all of this?
07:31He means he's here to renew this.
07:33Oh, I understand.
07:34He just needs a little extra help.
07:38Mr. Parker, you need to retake your driving exam.
07:41What?
07:43You need to retake the driving exam!
07:49Why does he need to retake his driver's exam?
07:52Because that's what it says right here on the computer.
07:55What?
07:56Because that's what it says right here on the computer!
08:07Your grandma used this religiously.
08:10Powdered sugar was her cocaine.
08:12Grandma was Aunt Gwen.
08:14No, Aunt Gwen's cocaine was cocaine.
08:18Okay, that's 40 brownies.
08:19How many more do we need?
08:21200.
08:23I have to win the bake sale.
08:26The divorce has been so hard on me.
08:34Fine, but it's late.
08:35I'll finish up here.
08:36You go to bed.
08:37Thanks so much for doing this.
08:39Especially because we're going to crush Morgan's bloody soul.
08:42It's all going to be because of you.
08:43Good night.
08:45Uh, 200 more.
08:51Where's Aunt Gwen's booger sugar when you need it?
08:53Riley, are you all right?
09:10What are you, cook and smoke?
09:13I'll shut it up.
09:14My brownies.
09:16No.
09:17Never going to be principal for the day.
09:20Goodbye, Harvard.
09:21Hello, Arizona State.
09:22Um, I'll fix this, okay?
09:25Just not right now because it's 5 a.m.
09:27and I have to go to work.
09:31Brownie jerky.
09:33Oh, my God.
09:34Fire, fire.
09:36Brownies?
09:36The company says if they don't get the robot back by tomorrow, they're going to charge me.
09:45The credit card is going to get declined, so joke's on them.
09:49But please tell me you fixed it.
09:51Fixed it?
09:52At Parker Customs and Restorations, we don't fix.
09:56We pimp.
10:04Hey, hey, what's this thing doing in the shop?
10:07He changed your game how to do the Dougie.
10:10This thing can drive, but I can't?
10:14Guys, you are wasting valuable time.
10:17Can I see a dance again?
10:19Hey, chill.
10:21Don't mark the table.
10:22What you say?
10:23Don't mark the table.
10:25Don't mark the table.
10:29Riley.
10:30Eve.
10:31What are you doing here?
10:32In an apron.
10:33Oh, God.
10:34Are you and my dad role-playing?
10:36Because my mental health can't handle that right now.
10:40Your dad and role-playing.
10:42Can you imagine?
10:44I'm Mitch McConnell, and I'm a sexy turtle.
10:50Georgia texted about Brownie Gate, so I thought I'd come help.
10:53She texted you?
10:55That's great.
10:56So glad you have the kind of relationship where you text her and she texts you back.
11:01It's really, it's nothing, really.
11:02It's just about the boy in her math class or how to use the bedazzler.
11:06She's making Georgia 2028 hats.
11:09Oh.
11:11That's so fun.
11:13We're so close.
11:14We're working on merch together.
11:17Oh, wow.
11:18You made all the brownies.
11:20More fun.
11:22I had some time, and I know you've been so busy, so I thought I'd take something off your plate.
11:26And put something on your plate.
11:29A little plate humor.
11:30Eve, what do you think of this outfit for dictator...
11:36Principal for the day?
11:39I love it.
11:40The blazer says intimidating, but the sneakers say approachable.
11:46You're right.
11:47I should change my shoes.
11:49Hey, Mom.
11:50Oh.
11:51Yeah, hey, I'm here, too.
11:53Why don't you go spend some time with Georgia?
11:55I got the brownies.
11:58Um, what are you doing?
12:00I'm just finishing them off.
12:01That was my mom's sifter.
12:04You can't just use it.
12:06Oh.
12:08Okay.
12:09I'm sorry.
12:10Oh, I'm Eve.
12:11I can do everything.
12:14I was just trying to help.
12:15Yeah, well, you're not.
12:17I'm spending all this time with my daughter making hats, doing British accents, sifting.
12:24Riley, I'm sorry.
12:25What about these?
12:30Do these shoes say, bow, peasants?
12:35Those are the looks of fear I'm going for.
12:37So, Judy, uh, anybody get a perfect score on this test, or let me rephrase that.
12:45How many other people get a perfect score?
12:49Hey, take a left here.
12:51You got it?
12:51Yeah.
12:51I see you smiling over there, so.
12:56A good driver notices everything, and a great driver can make people smile.
13:01The only thing that guy's noticing is what's on his phone.
13:04Yeah.
13:05Probably Googling, how do I drive this thing?
13:07You're in the middle of traffic.
13:11So you agree?
13:12People?
13:12Not so much.
13:13Oh.
13:13Do this job for 21 years, he'll pray for the apocalypse.
13:16Oh, here is great.
13:20Oh, good.
13:21Oh.
13:22Matt, I gotta say, I really enjoyed our time together.
13:26Time flies when you're making fun of other people.
13:31You're delightful.
13:33Anyway, you failed.
13:35I failed?
13:42Really?
13:43Yeah.
13:43You rolled through three stop signs, you were speeding, and you flipped off a crossing guard.
13:50We have beef.
13:52You know, I've been driving my whole life.
13:54I've never even had an accident.
13:56I get it.
13:56You're upset.
13:58You know, the same thing happened to my grandmother.
14:00I failed her twice.
14:03I'm sorry.
14:05This is like the worst day of my life.
14:07And I'm a widower.
14:13You got screwed.
14:14You're a great driver.
14:16Like me.
14:17Stop sign!
14:20Ow.
14:21All right.
14:22One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, and...
14:27Kill me.
14:32You know, it's weird, isn't it?
14:33I used to need you to drive me everywhere.
14:36Now you need me.
14:37For a Lion King moment.
14:39Circle of life.
14:39I'm now the grandparent, sitting in the wife's seat.
14:45It's not that bad.
14:47I mean...
14:47Stop sign!
14:51One Mississippi.
14:52Two Mississippi.
14:54Three Mississippi.
14:56Pops?
14:57Pops, where are you going?
14:59You're going to call in a silver alert.
15:01Hey.
15:09Peace offering.
15:10Nice bottle of wine.
15:12Oh.
15:14It's open.
15:17I had a really bad day.
15:21But you don't have to apologize for anything.
15:23Uh, no.
15:24I was tired, irrational, and honestly, jealous, because you and Georgia were having so much
15:30fun.
15:32I get it.
15:33My son barely spoke to me when he was a teenager.
15:37I set up a gaming profile just so I could hear his voice.
15:40And when my avatar asked him how school was, he threw a grenade at me.
15:45It gets better.
15:49Oh, does it?
15:50It feels like everything is getting harder.
15:53I love running my own business, but I feel like life was so much easier when I didn't
15:56care about my job.
15:59I should have fired you a long time ago.
16:03Don't feel guilty about finding your passion.
16:06You're a great mom.
16:07Ugh.
16:08I just feel so overwhelmed.
16:10That's why I got all weird when I saw you with my mom's sifter.
16:12It just reminded me that she could do everything, and you can do everything, and I can barely
16:17do anything.
16:19You know, when I was first opening this place, I was alone.
16:23And I felt like I was drowning.
16:26I barely had any time to see my son, let alone shower, or change my underwear, or meet a guy.
16:33Maybe that third one is related to the first two.
16:37But I had to learn to lean on the people around me.
16:40You don't have to do this on your own.
16:43Asking for help does not mean you're a failure.
16:46God knows where I got that idea.
16:48Maybe from my dad saying asking for help means you're a failure.
16:53He said that to me in bed last night.
16:57What?
16:58I didn't want to get up to turn off the light.
17:00Oh.
17:02Thank God, because otherwise, bleh!
17:04You know what?
17:08I'm going to take this to go.
17:09It's been a really bad day.
17:17Oh, hey.
17:18How'd the bake sale go?
17:18You're looking at your new principal.
17:22Suck it, Morgan's bloody and your dry-ass cinnamon rolls.
17:26Hey, that's out of line.
17:29Morgan sold the dry-ass cupcakes.
17:31Taylor had the dry-ass cinnamon rolls.
17:32Where's Grandpa?
17:35I don't know.
17:35He got out of the car in the middle of me driving us home.
17:38The street's heaven now.
17:42Huh.
17:43His phone's off.
17:44We were just with Eve.
17:45The shop is closed.
17:47He better not be driving without a license.
17:48I should have bought more wine.
18:05Okay.
18:06The engine isn't running, so it's not worst-case scenario.
18:11Is he eating in the Impala?
18:14He wouldn't even let us drink water when we were stranded on the 405.
18:18Oh, your thoughts will soon be wandering.
18:23The way it always seems to be wandering.
18:27What's going on, buddy?
18:32Oh, God.
18:35You want me to get the teeny tiny car vacuum?
18:39Nah, it's okay.
18:40I'm just getting used to the thought of not driving again.
18:42It's like Seeger says, I don't feel much like riding.
18:45Just wish the trip was through.
18:47I'm sorry you failed your driving test, Dad.
18:49You'll pass next time.
18:50Maybe I won't.
18:52My dad didn't.
18:53He lost his license.
18:54Couldn't work.
18:55Couldn't do anything for himself.
18:57Except eat pudding.
19:00But look at you eating chips.
19:02No.
19:08Intervention!
19:11Sorry if I upset you, Pops.
19:12Eh, that's just a circle of life.
19:15On my way to Pudding Town.
19:18Seriously?
19:19Some instructor fills you one time and you're giving up on life?
19:22Not giving up on life?
19:24You just can't beat time, kid.
19:26I think this administration is getting rid of Dad's savings, so we're getting close.
19:29Come on, Dad.
19:32You're a parker.
19:34When they took Grandpa's license, he drove for another ten years.
19:37Sure, the last two were on his rascal, but he didn't know the difference.
19:41Yeah, it's because I put a bigger battery in there and new motors.
19:44That guy was able to haul ass through the hallways of that old age home.
19:46It was really funny.
19:48That's where I'm going to end up.
19:51I'm not going to put you in a home, Pops.
19:53Not because we don't want to, because we can't afford it.
19:58Baby, could it if we sold this car?
20:00Over my dead body?
20:02Well, then we definitely sell it.
20:05As long as you don't die in it and decrease the value.
20:08I'm going to die in this car right now just to spite you.
20:11What's trying to meaner?
20:12Does that mean you're better?
20:14No, no, no, no, no, no.
20:15Don't eat in this car, you little dweeb.
20:19And he's back.
20:20Thanks for fixing it.
20:26Just so you know, I'm not paying for any of the parts.
20:28Or labor.
20:29Or the western-themed photo shoot you did with it.
20:32No, that was Gabe's idea.
20:35I just was happy to have another reason to wear my leather chaps.
20:39Goodbye, Dr. Funky.
20:42You named him?
20:43Oh, no, his moves named him.
20:47Ah, here I am.
20:50Dr. Funky!
20:53Oh, no.
20:56Can you hear something?
20:57I've got to get my license back.
20:59John Cena and Drew Scott.
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