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00:00All right, Gillian Anderson, Kevin Nealon, and music from Jack Johnson
00:05featuring Hermanos Gutierrez with The Klee Tones.
00:10And now, Jimmy Kimmel.
00:25Very nice.
00:27Welcome, welcome.
00:28Hi, everybody.
00:29I'm Jimmy.
00:30I'm the host.
00:33Thank you very much.
00:34And thank you for coming all the way here to our studio in Hollywood, where we are sending
00:42warm wishes to those of you in the path of the cold winter storm.
00:46It was snowing in Washington today, and there was a blizzard last night.
00:50An avalanche of angry posts on Truth Social from Guess Who.
00:55Guess Who.
00:56Our president, I know I've said this before, but for real, this time he went completely off the rails last night.
01:01The man who is allegedly running the country banged out an onslaught of posts and reposts in a furious social media blitzkrieg that started at 7.09 p.m., went nonstop until almost midnight.
01:14From 7 to 12, he posted 160 times.
01:20It's an average of every two minutes for five hours straight.
01:24You want to see what that looks like?
01:26I'll show you what that looks like, because it's quite...
01:29This is real.
01:30This is it.
01:31That was his...
01:32That's what he did last night.
01:34Do you know how long you have to be on the toilet to post that much?
01:39I mean, what is he eating?
01:44And the posts themselves were all over the place.
01:47Obama, Biden, sedition, Christmas.
01:50And you could tell he was watching Fox News, because at one point he inquired about getting a reverse mortgage on the White House.
01:56One of his posts was a clip from his cameo in Home Alone 2, which I sincerely believe is the last time Donald Trump was happy.
02:05And after this tweeting frenzy, he passed out and was back at it at 5.48 a.m., declaring truth social is the best.
02:14There is nothing even close.
02:16I don't know.
02:17I still think chlamydia is better, but that's just me.
02:20I mean, it's...
02:23I don't think I've tweeted that many times in a year.
02:27Here's what I wonder.
02:28What was Melania doing during this five-hour manic Monday marathon?
02:32Hiding under the Christmas tree?
02:34Eventually, I guess his little thumbs gave out and he came down the hall to work for another all-star cabinet meeting.
02:41Trump's hand-picked orange nosers gathered to pay tribute to dear leader and to suckle upon his ample teat.
02:48Whenever his approval rating gets particularly low, he rounds everybody up for one of these cabinet meetings to be showered with praise and to make nonsensical proclamations with no pushback at all.
03:00We're going to be giving back refunds out of the tariffs because we've taken in literally trillions of dollars.
03:06And we're going to be giving a nice dividend to the people.
03:10And I believe that at some point in the not-too-distant future, you won't even have income tax to pay.
03:17Because the money we're taking in is so great, it's so enormous, that you're not going to have income tax to pay.
03:23Well, he would know. He hasn't paid income tax in like, I don't know, maybe 50 years?
03:30Does anyone believe we're not going to have income tax to pay?
03:35I mean, this is like the kid running for student council who promises soda in the drinking fountain.
03:40This makes no sense.
03:42Once again, Trump brought up the cognitive test.
03:44He claims he aced. He bragged about getting all A's on his physical.
03:48And he pushed back bigly against a report in the New York Times that said he's been cutting back his schedule
03:53because he's showing signs of fatigue, which is ridiculous.
03:57I mean, does this look like a man who is showing signs of fatigue?
04:01We're going to build ships, $150 billion worth of ships in America, that changes the way things work.
04:09We also rescinded the supplemental statement that discouraged the fiduciaries
04:13from considering the alternative assets for 401 .
04:16Making sure our students can read by reintroducing the science of reading in schools.
04:22This war started, it never would have happened if you'd been president.
04:25But this war is going on, and the president is trying to end it.
04:28Not because, listen, we've got a million things to focus on in the world as a country,
04:32but he's the only leader in the world that can help end it.
04:34And that's why even as we speak to you now.
04:37On deregulation, HHS Bradley is now leading the pack.
04:46I mean, if you could sleep through that voice, you are tired. You are fatigued.
04:50Tell us again how sleepy Joe is, will you?
04:59Of course he's tired. He was up all night posting.
05:02When he wasn't sleeping, Rip Tanwinkle was lying.
05:05He said grocery prices are down. They're not down.
05:08He said he's cutting prescription drug prices 900%.
05:12That's ridiculous.
05:13In the brief time he was conscious, though, he had a lot to say.
05:17The Lincoln bathroom is now gorgeous.
05:19I took my physical. I got all A's, everything.
05:23I should get the Nobel price for every war, but I don't want it.
05:26I don't want to be greedy.
05:28Ilan Omar is garbage. Boot, edge, edge.
05:31That is supposed to be boot, edge, edge.
05:34Day, night, pile drivers. Darling, could you turn off the pile drivers?
05:38To me, I'd love to say.
05:39Who has five engines on the back of a boat going in weird directions?
05:44The land of 1,000 lakes or however many lakes they have.
05:48They got a lot of lakes. Somalians.
05:50Let's go with the fat drug. The fat drug.
05:52F-A-T for fat people. They said to me,
05:54would you like to take a cognitive test?
05:56I said, is it hard?
05:59He's doing great. Don't worry about him at all.
06:02And his team, he's got quite a team. His team is crushing it.
06:07We, uh, what a cabinet.
06:09We have a twice-baked RFK Jr.
06:11who is now embroiled in a sex and drug scandal
06:14with a reporter nearly 40 years his junior.
06:16Our Secretary of War is murdering unidentified civilians
06:20and trying to throw the admiral who is following orders under the boat.
06:23The director of the FBI is reportedly using a private jet
06:27for personal travel with his country music star girlfriend
06:30and delayed a murder investigation until somebody brought him a jacket,
06:33an FBI jacket that fit his little body.
06:36We've got the Attorney General turning the Justice Department
06:39into the Keystone Cops.
06:40We have a wrestling magnate running the Department of Education
06:43who wants to get rid of the Department of Education.
06:46Our head of Homeland Security
06:48somehow has made killing a puppy
06:50one of the least controversial things she's done.
06:52She's busy rounding up college girls
06:54and deporting them to God knows where.
06:56And our health care is in the vitamin supplement-powered hands
07:00of Dr. Oz.
07:01They have better quality cabinets at IKEA.
07:06And they were all at the table today.
07:11They all showed up to really get in there
07:15and make sure the president's colonoscopy didn't miss anything.
07:18Spirit in our ranks since the election under President Trump
07:22is unprecedented.
07:23I've never seen anything like it as a soldier myself in uniform.
07:26I think 2026 is going to be great for the American people, thanks to you.
07:32It's going to be great.
07:33As I sit here today, I can't be more proud of how you did it, sir.
07:37You've created the greatest cabinet.
07:38It is a joy to be at this table.
07:41There you are.
07:42Does anybody write about it?
07:43Nobody writes about it.
07:44That's okay.
07:45Uh, Mr. Secretary.
07:50Ladies and gentlemen, I recently had the privilege
07:54of sitting in on the president's MRI,
07:57and I got a peek under the paper gown,
08:01and wowza,
08:03made me wish I could switch places with Melania for a night.
08:07You know what I'm saying?
08:08Linda knows what I'm saying.
08:10Right, Linda?
08:11God bless you, sir.
08:13God bless you as he hath already blessed
08:16your magnificent man beef
08:18to the president's penis.
08:20Come on, get up and show him what you got.
08:23Oh, they cut away before it got exciting.
08:33The president also unveiled his latest effort to intoxicate the stupid
08:39with an idea he calls Trump accounts.
08:41Trump wants to give every child born between 2025 and 2028
08:45$1,000 to invest.
08:47And you know what the best part of these Trump accounts is?
08:49He's not paying for them.
08:51The billionaire Michael Dell and his wife are paying for most of them.
08:55They're donating $6.25 billion,
08:57and Trump is putting his name on their donation.
09:00Isn't that perfect?
09:01He's teaching kids how to spend other people's money.
09:03It's the Trump way.
09:04I wonder, does Trump even think this is a good idea?
09:08I mean, Eric and Don Jr. started with Trump accounts, too.
09:11Look how they turned out.
09:12Don Jr., by the way, still at it on his podcast, screaming about how unfair everyone is to his father.
09:20They can't really explain what the illegal order is.
09:25Notice that?
09:26They don't really know that, but they're basically telling the troops to question their chain of command.
09:32Anyway.
09:33Sorry.
09:34It's kind of a sneeze in there.
09:37Should we do that again or just let it roll?
09:40Anyway.
09:41Sorry.
09:42I don't know.
09:45I guess it's cold season.
09:47Screw it.
09:48We'll just go.
09:49Is he shriveling?
09:51Like, is his head getting bigger or is his body getting smaller?
09:55Something is wrong, right?
09:57It seems like maybe he's been hanging out with Hunter.
10:00This cartel turned Venezuela's state oil company into a narcotics trafficking and money laundering operation.
10:07Tim Waltz is, quote, 100% responsible for massive fraud.
10:14Under Tim Waltz, Minnesota is literally funding terrorism and is still currently hospitalized.
10:21I mean, it's really, it's really special.
10:23I mean, drum roll, please.
10:25I mean, you can't make it up.
10:32Maybe they ought to hook Junior up to one of those mystery MRIs, too, while they're at it.
10:39At this point, Melania speaks better English than he does.
10:42Meanwhile, while DJ TJ is babbling incoherently, his brother-in-law is in Moscow meeting with Putin to end that war Trump promised to end in 24 hours 10 months ago.
10:57And Putin, it looks like he's about to eat them.
11:00He really is.
11:01The meeting went on for five hours, exactly the amount of time Trump spent truthing last night.
11:06Reports say it ended with Russia making no concessions, no compromises.
11:10Today, Putin threatened Europe with war.
11:12But don't worry, Trump's real estate buddy Steve Witkoff and Jared are on the scene.
11:17Even though Jared has no official job in the government.
11:20Think about how crazy it is if you send a guy named Jared in.
11:23I mean, are we trying to stop a war or buy a stolen PlayStation?
11:28And this Witkoff, the last time he negotiated with Russia, he came back with a peace plan that, I'm not making this up, appeared to have been translated from Russian.
11:37It seemed to be Putin's wish list.
11:39What a team.
11:40Were Dave and Buster not available to go over there?
11:43You know, today, I should mention, is Giving Tuesday, which was established in 2012 as a way to encourage us to do good by inundating us with Trump.
11:5330,000 emails asking us to do good.
11:56You know, over the past few years, the definition of giving has changed.
12:00You know, these days, young people and people trying to pretend to be young people say it's giving as a way to describe how something or someone reminds them of something else.
12:09Like right now, Guillermo, you're giving human labubu.
12:13Yeah, everybody, yeah, yeah.
12:15And I have a particular aversion to this new definition of giving.
12:20And so today on Giving Tuesday, we sent a camera out into Hollywood to ask members of Gen Z if they thought today was Giving Tuesday.
12:32Is it Giving Tuesday?
12:34Mmm.
12:35It's giving like Wednesday. I just had a nice cup of coffee.
12:38It's like too happy for a Tuesday, I feel like.
12:40Would you say today is Giving Tuesday?
12:42Today is giving a little bit of Tuesday. It's a good Tuesday.
12:46Is today Giving Tuesday?
12:48What day is it?
12:50Yeah, yeah, I would say it's Giving Tuesday.
12:53What about today is Giving Tuesday?
12:55Well, in terms of the calendar, I think today is actually Tuesday.
13:01But I would also say that it has Tuesday energy. It's early enough in the week to where it feels like it's a Tuesday. It doesn't feel like a Friday to me at all.
13:14Is today Giving Tuesday?
13:16Today is Giving Monday.
13:18And what is your outfit giving?
13:19It's definitely Giving Monday. I don't know. Wait, this is bad. Like, I'm in an all-black fit. Like, I feel like I look depressed, but I'm not.
13:30Is your outfit giving Tuesday?
13:32Um, I feel like my outfit is actually giving Christmas, which was not what I was trying to do, but, you know, Tuesday for what it is, you know?
13:38So you guys like work with Jimmy Kimmel?
13:40We do.
13:41Okay. There's like this thing going around in the internet where like he is like super, like, they're called thirst trap edits, and he's like really cute in them.
13:53Okay, my friend literally liked this photo.
13:57That's Jimmy Fallon.
13:58That's Jimmy Fallon.
13:59Is today Giving Tuesday?
14:04Oh, because it's Giving Tuesday, the day where you donate money. Right?
14:10Finally, somebody gets it.
14:12Who are you giving to this Giving Tuesday?
14:14I'm giving back to myself. I just got a facial.
14:17Your skin looks great, and that's what it's all about.
14:22We have a fun show tonight. Kevin Dillon is here. We have these from Jack Johnson, and we will be right back with Jillian Anderson.
14:29Hi there. Tonight, one of the funniest men there is. He is host of the show Hiking with Kevin. Kevin Nealon is with us tonight. And then later, straight out of the ocean, his latest song with Hermanos Gutierrez is called Hold On To The Light. Jack Johnson is here tonight. You can see Jack.
14:48On tour live this summer starting June 19th in Guilford, New Hampshire. Tomorrow night, we will be joined by John Cena and Drewski, and we will have music from Silvana Estrada. Our first guest tonight is a two-time Emmy winner. You know as Margaret Thatcher, Eleanor Roosevelt, and FBI Special Agent Dana Scully.
15:07Her newest series is a Western. The Abandons premieres Thursday on Netflix. Please say hello to Jillian Anderson.
15:37Hi there. How are you? It's good. Very good to see you. It's been a while. Welcome. Welcome to the United States. You look so slim. I do? Yeah, you look slim. Yeah, you'll have to see me without my corset. How's it going? It's going all right. You live in England now, like full time, right? Yeah, now for 23 years. 23 years. I'm sure we've talked about that. We have talked about it, but what we haven't talked about is that you are
16:06an OBE, which is like being a knight, right? No. No, it's really not. It's better than being a knight. No, no, it's not. There are a couple levels before you get to knight. Okay, well, what is it then? Well, when you have to be male. Oh, is that true? There are no female knights. I did not know that. I really didn't. Yeah, I think dame might be the same as knight, but for women. I see. Yeah, I think. I might be wrong.
16:36Uh-huh. Okay, and you're not a dame. I'm not a dame. And there's CBE, which is above OBE. I'm just a lowly, honorary OBE.
16:44Oh, I wouldn't, I don't know that we even would have had you on had I known this.
16:51It's pretty good, though. I mean, any kind of initials granted to you. I'm really not complaining.
16:55It's very exciting. And also, speaking of exciting, you got a, now the, we have our Madame Tussauds wax museum across the street.
17:05Literally? Yeah, I mean, we have one. It's not, you know, it's not like yours in London.
17:10Okay, okay. It's not the main one. Yeah. It's like a franchise. It's like TGI Fridays or something like that.
17:17I didn't know that. So one of these is you, and the other one is the wax figure. Is that correct?
17:23Yeah. Okay. That's correct.
17:25Okay, this one's you, right? Yes. And this one's wax you.
17:29Yeah, that's correct. How did they do it as far as like your, your sculpture went?
17:36Did they? Many, many hours, lots of measurements.
17:38How many hours did it take? Oh, an entire day.
17:41A whole day? Yeah, like forceps and whatnot.
17:44Can I tell you something? I, um, I have one of these across the street.
17:49You do? I do.
17:51Do you have a picture of it?
17:51It cost, it could be like two hours.
17:54Right. Is it accurate?
17:56It's pretty accurate. It's not, I don't think it's quite, it is, no, it's accurate.
18:00Like it's accurate enough to have scared everyone in our office over and over again when we brought it over here.
18:05I went, I went with my kids and it's the weirdest thing is that it looks exactly like me in person.
18:13And it looks nothing like me at the same time.
18:15I know what you mean, right? There's, yeah, because there's something artificial about it.
18:21Yeah. And yet sometimes you stand in front of it, like I, you know, it's, it's like you gasp because it feels like, oh, like it's alive.
18:29It's looking back at me. It's, it's really kind of creepy. Yeah.
18:33Yeah, it's very, it can be very creepy. It's almost like.
18:35But in a good way, creepy, not like, oh my God, they really.
18:37It's like seeing your, your body or something in a weird way.
18:41Something like that in a weird way, yeah.
18:43Did your family like it or were they, um, freaked out?
18:47We were all freaked out, but we all liked it at the same time.
18:49I mean, we, we were, we were gasping.
18:51And this dress, this is a famous dress that they, they have on you here, right?
18:56Yeah, it's a, it's a dress that Gabriella Hurst made, uh, for me to wear to the Golden Globes.
19:02And it has, uh, hundreds of vulvas.
19:06Vulvas.
19:07Do you know what vulvas are?
19:09Yeah, it's a, it's a very safe car.
19:11Um, no, it, well, I know what a, I know what a vulva is.
19:18I've, I've seen them in the movies.
19:21Um, this is, uh, these are.
19:23Yeah, vulvas.
19:25Vulvas.
19:26Uh-huh.
19:26And beautifully designed as well.
19:29Many, many artisans took many hours to create those vulvas on my dress.
19:35Did you give the museum your actual dress or did they recreate the dress?
19:41The actual dress was a piece of, of couture.
19:44Mm-hmm.
19:45And, um, the same women who created it created a second one to live at Madame Sussauds.
19:52Yeah.
19:52I know, you like, like, you wrote, you, you published this book of women's, um, erotic fantasies.
19:58Yes.
19:59Yes, I did.
19:59You.
20:00Called WANT.
20:00You have a soda now of your own?
20:03I do, you know, are you, are you going to say what it's called?
20:05I will be happy to if you like.
20:07It's called G-Spot.
20:08That's correct, yeah.
20:09Now, is this, it's.
20:15Precisely, you're not going to forget that any time.
20:18Is it impossible to find?
20:27You just have to look hard enough.
20:29But you won't find it on places like Amazon.
20:34I heard this.
20:35Yeah.
20:36That's, we, because of the name?
20:38Because apparently it's a dirty word.
20:41Now, I have to say, I took issue with that and I heard about that.
20:45This afternoon.
20:46And we did a little bit of research.
20:47Did you?
20:48And these are products that are currently sold on Amazon.
20:51Oh.
20:52And, uh, let's go through them if we could.
20:54That's doggy style pet shampoo.
20:5850 ways to eat cock with chicken recipes.
21:00These are real.
21:03We did not make this.
21:04This is not nonsense we concocted.
21:06This is Grace Cock Flavored Soup Mix.
21:08Ask Munch Spicy Trail Mix.
21:12They're not even trying to pretend that's something else there.
21:16Wow.
21:16And finally.
21:19What's wrong?
21:20This item is an item that our standards and practices department begged me not to put on.
21:25That's a classic.
21:26And, uh, Dick Rambone.
21:29The, no.
21:29Wow.
21:30How is it possible that Dick Rambone.
21:3217 inch.
21:34Yeah.
21:36It's, well, it's, you know, it's.
21:41That's what it said.
21:43Well, yeah, that's Dick Rambone.
21:44And it said something about a suction cup.
21:46You don't think a guy named Dick Rambone is going to have a four inch thing, is he?
21:50I mean, that would be a ridiculous name.
21:53Wow.
21:53Yeah, but not G-Spot.
21:54And yet G-Spot is not for sale.
21:56I think you could sue them.
21:58I think if you showed those, those examples to an attorney, you would, I think this all
22:03the way up to the street court.
22:03Jimmy Kimmel says.
22:04Yeah, right.
22:05Yeah.
22:06I have a lot of sway with the government.
22:09Yeah.
22:10I've heard.
22:11Yeah.
22:11Yeah.
22:11Yeah, I do.
22:13Yeah.
22:14We're going to take a break here.
22:15Okay.
22:15We're going to take a look at your new program.
22:17It is called The Abandoned.
22:18Jillian Anderson is with us.
22:20Sorry, we couldn't ease your pain.
22:27The depth of that pain is something you could never truly understand.
22:31It being one of blood.
22:34Although it is admirable that a barren woman such as yourself would take on all of this.
22:42Love is not shared too blood.
22:45Yet you continue to turn down my generous offers.
22:48Knowing all that money could greatly benefit these children.
22:53That is Jillian Anderson and Lena Heaney on The Abandoned, which premieres Thursday on Netflix.
23:06Have you always wanted to do a Western where you get a cowboy hat and you get to ride around?
23:13No.
23:14No?
23:14No?
23:14No?
23:15No.
23:15No, but when I was offered it, I thought, oh, my God, that must be so much fun.
23:20How much thought do you put into the hat?
23:22Because that's going to be your hat now, right?
23:24It's not like you have a different hat every episode.
23:26You're in that hat permanently.
23:29I have a few hats.
23:30You have a few hats?
23:31But thanks for being the knower of the hats.
23:33Oh.
23:34But yeah, no, I have about three hats, but it is my main hat.
23:37Was it always going to be a black hat?
23:40I have a couple different colors of that hat.
23:42Oh, wow, interesting.
23:44Yeah, and it took a lot of time.
23:46How about the horse?
23:47Are you a horse rider in general?
23:50I have ridden horses.
23:53I used to own a horse.
23:55Oh, you did?
23:56Yeah.
23:56Oh, all right.
23:57Yeah.
23:58I'm not a horse person, was never a horse person, but during the X-Files, I found out that there
24:07was a horse for sale in my neighborhood, and I thought, if the name of the horse is anything
24:15to do whatsoever with my life, then it's meant for me.
24:19That was your determination?
24:20That was my determination.
24:22And so I asked the name of the horse, and it happened to be the name of the alias that
24:26I was using at the time.
24:28Really?
24:29Right?
24:29That must have blown your mind, right?
24:31It did blow my mind.
24:32I bought the horse.
24:32It wasn't an expensive horse.
24:34It turned out to be 20 years older than they told me that it was.
24:39But it was very meaningful to me at that time, and in the very little time that I had off
24:44during the show, I would actually go out, and I would ride it, and I learned how to ride.
24:49And so many years, however many decades later that they called and said, by the way, do
24:54you know how to ride a horse, I could actually say yes.
24:56Are you still using that alias?
24:59Because I noticed you didn't say what the horse's name was, so I assume that means you...
25:05Perhaps.
25:05Yeah, perhaps.
25:06It's not vulva.
25:07It's not, okay.
25:09No.
25:09Vulva the horse.
25:10I'll tell you that much.
25:10Yeah.
25:11Vulva would be a great name for a male horse.
25:13Coming up on the list.
25:14You, um, uh, I do want to ask you about The X-Files.
25:19You know I'm obsessed with The X-Files, as well.
25:22You're obsessed with it.
25:23Yeah.
25:24I mean, I think it's one of the best shows of all time, you know?
25:26Well, well.
25:27And, um, it's on Hulu now, and so people are revisiting the show.
25:31Amazing.
25:31There is an episode that, um, particular I want to ask you about from season three, episode
25:3712.
25:37It's the cockroach episode.
25:39You remember the cockroach episode?
25:40I-I remember we did an episode about cockroaches.
25:42The one where the cockroach was on the screen, and everybody at home was like, oh, there's
25:46a cockroach.
25:47And they're like, oh, it was a trick that you guys pulled?
25:49I forgot about that.
25:49No, I forgot.
25:49Yeah, it was good.
25:50Yeah.
25:51Um, something happened.
25:53Yeah.
25:53In that episode.
25:55Okay.
25:55That I think is worth asking you about, and, uh, let's show that clip right now.
26:04Hey, what are you crazy?
26:06Why are you stopping?
26:07Hey, you idiot.
26:07You ain't me.
26:08Hey, you got to get out of this meeting.
26:10Now, true or false, that was an actual accident that happened behind you.
26:16Yeah, it was.
26:18That's fantastic.
26:19I know.
26:20I know.
26:21Yeah.
26:22And those, were they part of the production?
26:24Yeah, I think, I think it was the stuntmen.
26:27The stuntmen crashed into each other.
26:30Yeah.
26:30And at that moment, you have to decide, like, am I going to check to see if they're okay?
26:34Yeah.
26:34Or do I continue with the scene?
26:36I mean, these days, I probably would have said, oh, my God, are you kidding me?
26:40But I just went on with it.
26:42Yeah, you went on?
26:43Yeah.
26:43I think that's the right way to go.
26:45Yeah, I agree.
26:46And did that guy bumping into you, was that an accident, or was that part of the deal?
26:50I think that was an accident.
26:51Oh, two accidents in one shot.
26:53I mean, I know.
26:54It's an X-File in and of itself.
26:56Yeah.
26:58Oh, that's great.
26:58And were they so happy that you kept going, like, the director?
27:01That, I can't remember.
27:02You don't remember.
27:03Yeah.
27:03Yeah.
27:04But I'm sure, because they got to keep it, and it looks, you know, it looks like a,
27:07it adds tension to the scene, right?
27:09It did.
27:10It did.
27:10And them adding in somebody screaming at the other guy is what added a little something.
27:15Now you're talking about it 50 years later?
27:17I know.
27:17It's not been 50, but it's been close.
27:19Yeah.
27:20Well, it's great to see you.
27:21Congratulations on your new show.
27:23The new show is called The Abandons.
27:25You can see horses crashing into each other.
27:27The whole thing, it premieres Thursday on Netflix.
27:30Jillian Anderson, everybody.
27:31We're back with Kevin Meehan.
27:37This week on Jimmy Kimmel Live,
27:39John Cena, Cameron Crowe, Drewski, and Miley Cyrus.
27:45Plus music from Silvana Estrada and Rufus Wainwright.
27:55Hi, and welcome back to our show.
27:58We have music from Jack Johnson on the way.
28:00You know, our next guest for many things,
28:02including a nine-season residency on Saturday Night Live.
28:05He has a talk show that is also a walk show on YouTube.
28:09It's called Hiking with Kevin.
28:11Please welcome Kevin Nealon.
28:12How are you?
28:29This might be the greatest height differential
28:31we've ever had between guests.
28:33I think you're right.
28:35I think you're right.
28:35Kevin, you've been here many times.
28:38The first time was, I think, like, our first season,
28:41our first, like, months of the show.
28:43It was 2003, I believe.
28:44Yeah, 2003.
28:46And I have not been back since.
28:49It was, like, the first time.
28:50I feel like we watched you grow up together.
28:52We really did.
28:53You became a dad.
28:54I was knighted.
28:55You were knighted?
28:56Yeah, I was knighted.
28:58That was in the valley, though,
28:59at an English pub, a drinking game.
29:01But other than that, yeah, I was knighted.
29:04Either way, it counts.
29:05Yes, yes.
29:06How's your family doing?
29:08First of all, thank you for asking.
29:10You're welcome.
29:12I appreciate that.
29:13Yeah, I know.
29:13Sometimes you forget the niceties on a show.
29:16Sometimes these talk show hosts,
29:17they brush over that.
29:19But they're doing great.
29:20Everybody's students is doing great.
29:21Great.
29:21Our son, Gable, is now in college.
29:24Wow.
29:24Yeah, that's a big step right there.
29:26I mean, that went by quick.
29:27Yeah.
29:27Yeah, thank you.
29:28Oh, thank you.
29:30Did you really feel like it went by quick?
29:34Uh, yeah, I did.
29:35But also, you know, we were excited to be empty nesters.
29:38Yeah.
29:38Right?
29:39So we've been looking forward to that for a long,
29:40not looking forward to it, but getting ready for it.
29:43Right.
29:43Right.
29:43And so finally, he went off to college,
29:45but he went off to college here in Los Angeles.
29:47Oh.
29:48It's where we live.
29:49So it became a very expensive college,
29:51because now we have to move to the East Coast
29:52to become empty nesters.
29:56What are you going to do?
29:58Thanks.
30:00Oh, thank you.
30:02But it has been going fast.
30:03It's gone by really fast.
30:04It has gone by fast.
30:05Yeah, it has.
30:05I mean, I remember when he was born.
30:07I remember, like, whatever, you know?
30:08It's like it's Christmas time.
30:09Do you miss having the kid in the...
30:11Oh, that's the best.
30:12Yeah.
30:12That's the best.
30:13Yeah.
30:13I remember when he was six, he came into our bedroom.
30:16He had a present half open, and he came up to us,
30:19and he goes, I want the truth.
30:21Is there a real Santa Claus?
30:22Was you guys playing Santa Claus?
30:24And what do you say, you know, that, you know,
30:26all of a sudden, out of nowhere?
30:28Yeah.
30:28And I didn't want to lie to him,
30:31because if he found out one day,
30:33then he'd never believe me again.
30:34But also, you know, I didn't want to tell him the truth,
30:37because otherwise we wouldn't have Christmas again.
30:39But I thought it might be best to, you know,
30:41tell him the truth.
30:43And I had to choose my words carefully, too,
30:44because my wife also thinks they're Santa Claus.
30:49Oh.
30:50That's right, Susan.
30:52I forgot Susan's stuff.
30:53Yes.
30:54Yes.
30:55So, yeah, so I told him the truth,
30:57and I kind of regret it.
30:59His body just went limp.
31:00He was so disappointed.
31:01Oh.
31:01But I tried to make up.
31:02I said, but it's bigger than that.
31:04You know, Christmas has a significant and profound impact
31:07on the American economy.
31:08You know, it increases consumer spending, right?
31:10It boosts the retail sector, overall economic growth.
31:13And he looked at me, he goes,
31:16and does that include tariffs?
31:19I said, I don't know.
31:20He was way ahead of the game on tariffs then, huh?
31:22He was, he's really into that.
31:25What about the Easter Bunny?
31:27Did you tell him about that,
31:28or did he figure that one out on his own?
31:30I did actually tell him about the Easter Bunny.
31:31He was not happy.
31:32He came back like five minutes later.
31:34And he goes, and the Easter Bunny?
31:36No Easter Bunny?
31:37I said, no, I'm sorry.
31:38There's no Easter Bunny.
31:40And the Tooth Fairy?
31:41No, no Tooth Fairy.
31:43And, you know, since we're being honest,
31:46we're not your real parents.
31:50Well, probably for the best.
31:52That I regret saying.
31:55Did you, did you teach Gable how to drive,
31:58or did you let your wife do that?
31:59Yeah, did your, you, did you teach your kids?
32:01I did.
32:02I taught the kids how to drive.
32:03Yeah, yeah.
32:04Because Billy's only what?
32:05Well, you know, I have two older kids.
32:08And then I got two younger kids.
32:11And, you know, by the way, I do let the little kids drive.
32:13I will put them on my lap and let them steer
32:16and hope I don't see the police.
32:19Yeah, so I taught my son how to drive.
32:21But I will tell you, the worst thing in the world,
32:25the most stressful thing is to drive with a 16-year-old
32:30who just got his license.
32:32Yeah.
32:32Oh, my God.
32:34They come to a full stop at every stop sign.
32:37I'm serious.
32:39It's, it's two seconds, but it seems like eternity.
32:41Yeah, yeah.
32:42Do you know what I mean?
32:42You're just sitting there.
32:43You go, all right, already, come on.
32:45It's not even stopping.
32:46It's like he's visiting the stop sign.
32:48You know what I mean?
32:49He's not even moving anywhere.
32:52And then he steers with two hands.
32:54He's got one at 10 and one at 2.
32:56I haven't touched the steering wheel with my hands
33:00in probably 20 years.
33:02Because I, you know, steer with my knees.
33:04That's when I eat, when I'm driving.
33:07So I'm still in my...
33:07I don't know that he'll ever have a second date
33:11unless she shows up at the stop sign.
33:16Maybe he'll date a crossing guard.
33:18Oh, that's an idea.
33:20I remember, how long ago was I on your show
33:22hiking with Kevin?
33:23Was it at the very beginning?
33:24It was, uh, yeah, I think it was.
33:28Yeah, it's close to the beginning.
33:29And the show is exactly what you say it is.
33:32You go on a hike.
33:33Go on a hike.
33:34We chat.
33:35I have a selfie stick.
33:36You've got a selfie stick,
33:37and you're walking like this the whole time?
33:40And, uh...
33:40People are puzzled as they walk by?
33:42Yeah, yeah.
33:43They don't know what's going on.
33:45And then I just, uh, you know,
33:46I put it on YouTube,
33:48and I've done probably 170...
33:50Oh, wow.
33:51...these hikes.
33:51Yeah.
33:52Wow.
33:52Who has been your most difficult, um, hiker?
33:56Besides you?
33:56Besides me.
33:57Oh, God.
33:58I don't think...
33:58I think I was pretty good, right?
34:00I mean, I think...
34:00You were good.
34:01You had some good stories
34:02about your, uh, grandma making, uh, pasta.
34:04But, uh, the most difficult one I've been with,
34:07uh, I would say...
34:08...probably David Spade.
34:11Spade?
34:12Yeah.
34:12Okay.
34:13Why?
34:13You wouldn't think,
34:14because he looks like an athlete, right?
34:15Right?
34:15But here's the thing with Spade.
34:19I love the guy.
34:20Uh, but it took me a long time to get him,
34:22because he had a certain, um, um,
34:25specific things he wanted me to, to, to be in place.
34:29He wanted to be able to go between rush hour traffic.
34:32Um, he wanted to be able to bring food,
34:34because I think he's hypoglycemic,
34:36or something like that.
34:38And also, he didn't want any kind of hill.
34:41He wanted to keep it flat.
34:43So I found the flattest, uh, trail we could go on.
34:46And we're halfway through, and he, he stops.
34:49He goes, are we going uphill?
34:51It was like a 1% grade.
34:54Are we going uphill?
34:56I said, no.
34:57Well, maybe 1%.
34:58He goes, you want to go back down?
35:00Or do you want to keep going?
35:01So he kept going.
35:02And, uh, and then, uh,
35:05he was attacked by a mountain lion,
35:06which is the only good thing about that.
35:09That's great footage.
35:10I mean, that's, that's clickbait right there.
35:13Spade gets attacked by a mountain lion.
35:16Now, you have, you're involved with an organization
35:19called the Appalachian Trail Conservancy.
35:22That's right.
35:22Which is what?
35:23This is like, uh...
35:24Well, um, they're, uh,
35:27I'm partnering with the Appalachian Trail Conservancy,
35:29and they're, they steward the Appalachian Trail,
35:31which is the longest hiking trail,
35:33only hiking, in the country.
35:35Spade would never make it.
35:36Spade.
35:37No, he doesn't even, he never heard of that word,
35:39Appalachian Trail.
35:40Yeah.
35:40But, um, yeah, so it's, it's,
35:42what we're trying to do is we're trying to, uh,
35:44raise awareness about the term
35:46take a hike,
35:47because right now it has a negative connotation.
35:49We're trying to get the definition of that changed
35:51in all the, uh, the big, uh, dictionaries.
35:54Really?
35:54Webster and Oxford.
35:55Yeah.
35:56Is that right?
35:56Yeah, because right now,
35:57it's take a hike.
35:58It's a negative connotation.
35:59Right.
36:00Right?
36:00It's kind of, like, dismissive.
36:01Like, somebody's annoying you.
36:02Get out of here.
36:03Take a hike.
36:03So we want to, like, make sure there's change
36:06to more of a positive kind of a thing.
36:08Like, you know, go take a hike.
36:09Get some fresh air.
36:10Meditate.
36:11It's great exercise.
36:12Yeah.
36:13Yeah.
36:13So we're, uh, asking everybody to sign a petition.
36:16Uh, take a hike, petition.org.
36:18You go there and sign that.
36:20And let's, let's see if we can get that definition.
36:22And then maybe if you get that,
36:24maybe go jump in the lake is the next.
36:26You know what I mean?
36:26That could be your next project.
36:29That's not a bad idea.
36:30You know, this is such important work
36:31that you're doing, Kevin.
36:32Thank you, Kevin.
36:32And I admire you so deeply for it.
36:34It's Giving Tuesday.
36:35Yeah, I mean, it really is.
36:36And you, by the way, I do want to mention real quick,
36:40Kevin is an incredible artist.
36:43He makes these drawings of celebrities.
36:46If you look on Kevin's Instagram,
36:48they really are fantastic.
36:49I mean, I, you know, I told you how great I do.
36:51I do like them.
36:52They're caricatures.
36:53I do have celebrities.
36:54And, um, I have a lot of fun doing them.
36:56And I've done, uh, probably 170.
36:59Really?
36:59That's one for every hiker?
37:01Yes.
37:02Uh, no, I, I do them often.
37:04And I have a book called I Exaggerate With Them In It.
37:06And a lot of people are asking me always,
37:08do you, uh, do you sell these?
37:09Where can I buy one?
37:10And I've never really sold them.
37:11Yeah.
37:11Until recently, I put together a, um, uh, a, a site,
37:15a website called, um, KevinNeilandArt.com.
37:18Oh, got one.
37:18And, uh...
37:19Wow, you did one of me?
37:20You know, I've been hinting that you should do one of me
37:23for, like, seven years.
37:25And, by the way, all the proceeds I get, um,
37:27from the website, um, not all of them,
37:30but a portion of the proceeds.
37:32I gotta eat.
37:33Yeah.
37:34A portion of the proceeds go to Children's Hospital, Los Angeles.
37:36Oh, that's great.
37:37Oh, I thought you were gonna...
37:38Good.
37:39Well, that's...
37:40Look at that.
37:42I mean, that's...
37:43That's fantastic.
37:46Isn't that good?
37:47Let me see.
37:47Does it look like you?
37:49It looks just...
37:50So much talent.
37:55Too much talent for one individual.
37:57Kevin Nealon, everybody.
37:59Watch Hiking with Kevin on Kevin's YouTube channel,
38:02and a little more about Take a Hike
38:03at takeahikepetition.org.
38:06We'll be back with Jack Johnson.
38:07Thanks to Gillian Anderson and Kevin Nealon.
38:16Apologies to Matt Damon.
38:17We're not out of time for him.
38:18Nightline is next.
38:19But first, with the song,
38:21hold on to the light
38:22and help from Hermanos Gutierrez,
38:25Jack Johnson.
39:26We'll play it back in stereo
39:31I want you by my side
39:33Soak it up enough
39:34We can hold on to the light
39:37We'll hold on to the light
39:41And if I take a picture, could I stop it in his tracks?
40:03I know, I know there's nothing I can do to bring it back
40:07The light that comes in
40:08The light that comes in
40:09Well, it tends to just go where it was
40:12Why do I write it down?
40:17Can it ever be mine?
40:19If we lift up all the memories
40:21Can we carry on the love?
40:23The light that comes in
40:25As it falls through the lens
40:27And pretends that it won't come in
40:29And pretends that it won't come in dark
40:30We'll play it back in stereo
40:35We'll play it back in stereo
40:35I want you by my side
40:37Soak it up enough
40:39We can hold on to the light
40:41Hold on to the light
40:46We'll play it back in stereo
40:51I want you by my side
40:52Soak it up enough
40:54And we can hold on to the light
40:56Hold on to the light
41:01We'll play it back in stereo
41:06I want you by my side
41:08Soak it up enough
41:10And we can hold on to the light
41:12Hold on to the light
41:17Hold on to the light
41:25Hold on to the light
41:42Hold on to the light
41:43Hold on to the light
41:44Hold on to the light
41:45Hold on to the light
41:46Hold on to the light
41:47Hold on to the light
41:48Hold on to the light
41:49Hold on to the light
41:50Hold on to the light
41:51Hold on to the light
41:52Hold on to the light
41:53Hold on to the light
41:54Hold on to the light
41:55Hold on to the light
41:56Hold on to the light
41:57Hold on to the light
41:58Hold on to the light
41:59Hold on to the light
42:00Hold on to the light
42:01Hold on to the light
42:02Hold on to the light
42:03Hold on to the light
42:04Hold on to the light
42:05Hold on to the light
42:06Hold on to the light
42:07Hold on to the light
42:08Hold on to the light
42:09Hold on to the light
42:10Hold on to the light
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