Clash of the Comics - Season 1 Episode 3 - video Dailymotion

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Clash of the Comics - Season 1 Episode 3

Transcript

00:00...find out who James Acaster's mystery opponent is.

00:03Uh-oh, it's Ed The Gambler Gamble here,

00:05and I'm far too busy to get my hands dirty

00:07giving Acaster a pasting, so I've got someone to do it for me.

00:10I met them on a certain show that rhymes with...

00:13...celebrity traitors.

00:17Oi.

00:18That's right, it's rugby legend Brick Shithouse,

00:20and my new friend, Joe Marla.

00:23You say friend, I'm getting paid, aren't I?

00:26Yeah, for sure, just get out there and...

00:29Don't speak to the press. Bye, Mum, love you.

00:31Ah, ah, ah, ah, no.

00:32So, James said he challenged somebody from the world of comedy or wrestling.

00:36This is clearly a very beautiful rugby player.

00:38Former.

00:39This is clearly a very beautiful former rugby player.

00:42Well, that's where you're wrong, Joe Lycett,

00:43because he is a comedian. I've been training him up.

00:46Yeah. Knock, knock. Who's there?

00:49Me, Joe Marla, and I'm going to knock Acaster's head off.

00:54Definitely.

00:55So, without any further ado, entering the ring,

01:02representing Gamblers Anonymous,

01:05it's Joe, the Scrum Lord, Marla.

01:10My God, he looks like Mumford & Sons and Mumford & Sons Security.

01:14And it looks like he's ate them all.

01:15And Mumford & Sons Dax.

01:17All in one, we can.

01:19Here we go.

01:2095 cats for England, none of them fell in his head.

01:23It's Joe Marla.

01:25Wowie. What's up, brother?

01:27Thank you, sir. That's good.

01:29Please be gentle with young James.

01:31Hey, Joe.

01:33Is he a baddie? He is a baddie, isn't he?

01:35Because he's in the Gamblers.

01:37I think we're morality neutral at this point.

01:38Are we?

01:39People are neither good nor bad.

01:40Hello, Joe.

01:41Wow.

01:42Wow, look at this.

01:43Great reaction for him, gotta say.

01:46Absolutely huge reaction.

01:47Joe, how are you feeling about taking an A-caster?

01:50Where is he?

01:52Stay on your feet, people of the Apollo,

01:54and welcome to the stage his opponent, James A. Castor!

02:02Here he comes, swaggering out.

02:05He's wrestled five times and been KO'd every single time.

02:20He hasn't blinked in 11 years.

02:26He leans back onto the legs of a chair when he sits.

02:29He's invincible!

02:31A like an aeroplane across the sky.

02:34C like a catapult across the sky.

02:37A like an acrobat across the sky.

02:39S like a spaceship across the sky.

02:42T pterodactyl across the sky.

02:44E like an EMU across the sky.

02:47A like a rainbow across the sky.

02:49Jimmy Castor, flying so high.

02:52He rides on the others every day.

02:55It's invincible!

02:57He builds IKEA furniture without instructions perfectly.

03:00It's invincible!

03:02He uses the same horsepower every day.

03:06It's invincible!

03:07He answers close before the burners even round.

03:11It's invincible!

03:12He's never gonna drop from the top spot.

03:15If you think you can stop him, you are not clever.

03:18He's gonna fly to the sky tonight and stay there every day tonight forever.

03:23He's conscious of his ability.

03:25He's conscious of his supremacy.

03:28He's conscious of his vulnerability.

03:30I'm conscious!

03:33A, because he's always alert.

03:36C, consistently alert.

03:38A, alert to his surroundings.

03:41S, social, social alert.

03:44D, but you're gonna break your legs.

03:46E, everybody now has to watch his aerial group.

03:50R, routine.

03:54He casts the backflip.

03:56Oh, straddling the world into a Russian club.

04:00Is he good?

04:00Is he okay?

04:02Crossback settling.

04:02Is he unconscious?

04:03Look dead.

04:04Is he dead?

04:05Double, double me hang.

04:07I've seen unconscious people.

04:08He looks dead.

04:10Deepky Hammock.

04:12And he lands in the ring.

04:14I've not.

04:16He seems to be absolutely unconscious.

04:18That was a real shock to the system, in spite of the fact that it's happened again.

04:26Like a Stuart Lee joke, no matter how many times you repeat it, it's still funny.

04:33There's the dancers.

04:34Scurry out.

04:34There's the pin.

04:35There's the three counts.

04:36And Marla takes the win.

04:40Acaster knocks out yet again.

04:42Give it up for your winner, I suppose.

04:44It's Joe the Scrum Lord Marla.

04:48And Acaster's taken one to the top.

04:50Interesting to know that the foot was on the road.

04:53The foot was on the road.

04:54He was on the road.

04:55What does that mean?

04:57He was in the air originally.

04:59Oh my goodness, Marla's down.

05:00The referee is running away like a coward from Joe Marla, and I don't blame him.

05:07This is the angriest man I've ever seen win overalls.

05:09It's Monday.

05:10Matt Crosby has come out.

05:11Dragging him off.

05:12He's going to try and drag James off.

05:13What a sad day.

05:14This is a dark day.

05:16Acaster has not been marked like this since the fifth comedy award nomination.

05:21And Marla left on his own.

05:27So it's all going so well for James Acaster in the intro section.

05:31The tray comes out of nowhere, straight to the face, and Acaster is down and then hoisted.

05:36It's the oldest saying in the book, never trust a man wearing overalls,

05:39because he could be hiding a concealed pan.

05:41Why does he have a baby?

05:43I don't want any joke.

05:44Could you take us through what's just happened?

05:45A lot of people in this room have quite a sort of dangerous parasocial investment in James Acaster.

05:53You've just made a lot of very vulnerable enemies.

05:55I understand.

05:59I mean, he is a pleasant fellow, but he got what was coming to him, all right?

06:03CHEERING AND CHEERING

06:05OK.

06:06And, you know, pleasant as he is, he actually is quite mean to a lot of fellow comics on his podcast.

06:11So, I don't know if we're enjoying that a lot in the wings, to be fair.

06:15Yeah.

06:16Love him or loathe him, make some noise for Joe the Scramble on Marley, everyone!

06:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

06:28Craig, Nish, Sarah, how did you feel about what we've just seen?

06:32Well, after his Bake Off appearance, that's the second worst thing that's happened to Acaster with a baking tray.

06:38Started it, got hit in the face, bon appétit.

06:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

06:43The next four specials are going to be sad.

06:51Mark, do you want to take me through what you've just seen?

06:53He took my tray without permission.

06:57He's a bully, he's a bully, he's not a fighter.

07:00I think with the best win in the world, Mark, Joe the Scrum Lord Marley doesn't give a shit about your tray.

07:07Craig, Sarah...

07:09Where did the baking tray come from? Was it yours, Mark?

07:11Yeah, he took my tray without...

07:13Why did you bring it in? Why did you bring it in?

07:14Why did you bring it in? Why did you bring it in? We've given you a bell.

07:18I'm like, Mark, boo!

07:20Mark... I will say, if you have any further objections, we'd love to hear them,

07:23but we'd love you to speak them into a microphone for me.

07:25LAUGHTER

07:28Oh, God.

07:30I thought, when I took this position, I thought it's a serious position.

07:34I will do the timekeeping.

07:36But it's just a ceremonial position.

07:38LAUGHTER

07:39I don't think he's got a watch on.

07:43To be fair, when I took this position, I was having a late lunch with my parents,

07:49and I was told that Adam Hills was shitting out of his arse.

07:51LAUGHTER

07:54It's all done, Jimmy. You're going to be OK.

07:55My foot was on the road, Matthew.

07:57Yeah, I know it was.

07:57My foot was on the road!

07:59I'm going to save your energy!

08:00Save your energy!

08:01Save your energy!

08:02I thought, to be honest, it'd have put up a bit more of a fight.

08:06And it should have lasted a bit longer. I was enjoying myself too much.

08:09I'll take the win. All day. Till the rematch, I'm sure he'll want a rematch.

08:23And I'll take him on then.

08:25And now, without any further ado, it's time for our third match of the evening.

08:32I, Joe Lyseth, a.k.a. The C.E. Joe, cannot be here in person,

08:39as I am currently being majored up for a suit of armour.

08:45There shall be a spectacular tag team tornado.

08:49Nine different teams doing better for my amusement and possibly arousal.

08:55Joe Lyseth wants hot bods, so hot bods is what he is going to get.

09:00Guess what, Clash of the Comics? I'm Anya, Slammya, Magliano, and I swing both ways.

09:06It's me, Rosematafeo, a.k.a. Rosemata slayer.

09:09I punch up, left, right, but never down.

09:12Gamblers Anonymous!

09:15Our opponents are going to get publicly schooled.

09:18And you better believe that's something we know a lot about.

09:21I don't know what this is.

09:23Hi, Ringfluencer here.

09:26We are the OGs.

09:29We're the originators of Clash of the Comics.

09:31We are Oleska and Gonzales.

09:33And at this point, we are old guys.

09:36I've been hitting the gym.

09:38Rosie, Daddy, Jones.

09:42And at the gym, I met this guy.

09:46Simon Miller, the biggest, strongest boy I've ever seen in my whole life.

09:52Sorry, my glasses.

09:53Do you want me to use mine?

09:55No, no, it's...

09:56No, it's...

10:04This is it.

10:05The Tag Team Tornado.

10:07Nine teams will enter at timed intervals

10:09and they will compete until all but one team has been eliminated.

10:13So, entering the ring first, sponsored by the Sch-Energy Diet,

10:18the feminist energy drink for feminist children who want to lose weight.

10:22Please welcome the team of the Ringfluencer,

10:24Abi Clarke and Adam Maxtedt, a.k.a.

10:27Hashtag, please visit Dubai.

10:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

10:33It was said that their relationship was on the wrongs,

10:54and it appears that a picture of Dubai has fixed it all.

10:58What's this now?

11:01Surely not.

11:05What we are watching here is a satire on greed.

11:09My whole life has been a satire on greed.

11:12Yeah.

11:13Surely not.

11:13It's a baby reveal live at the Apollo.

11:17Here comes the baby.

11:18Oh, I see.

11:20I like babies.

11:21That'll win the crowd round.

11:22Everyone loves babies.

11:23I suppose it's a case of does he want the baby, perhaps?

11:27This could be the gender reveal.

11:30Photos have been taken.

11:31Photos are more important than lived experience.

11:33Oh, the baby's been punted into the crowd!

11:36The baby has actually travelled disappointingly close to the stage.

11:40He's a wrestler, he's not a rugby player,

11:41and there was not a lot of depth on that punt.

11:48And without any further ado, please welcome their opponents.

11:52The team of Sarah Little Keys, Keyworth, and Simon Miller,

11:55aka The Big Strong Ball!

11:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

12:11HEAD

12:14MUSIC

12:16gonna be

12:18FING

12:24hundreds

12:29every ride

12:30and

12:30&

12:31A

12:32T

12:39żenie

12:40Yeah, I think we now understand where the crowd's allegiance is.

12:55I just want to double check because he's going to take his top off.

12:58I don't think this is fair.

13:01Some people are just more attractive than other people.

13:03We should be celebrating it.

13:06Other people have good personalities.

13:07Yeah, let's look at how he's going.

13:11All right, let's go, guys.

13:14He's got no control.

13:15We're on here at Fashion Comics.

13:17It's a double butt punch from the bad guys.

13:22Oh, that was a spectacular bit of movement.

13:26Double take down from Lil' Keys' key work with Simon Miller.

13:31It's a super-wrap.

13:38It's a super-wrap.

13:39A double super-wrap.

13:42It's a triple.

13:44It's a quadruple.

13:45You have to say the influencers are doing nothing for the idea

13:48that that demographic of people is not very smart.

13:50Oh, huge double team effort there.

13:59The pin.

13:59One, two.

14:01A lovely press slam there.

14:02Yeah, but there's a weapon there.

14:04You're allowed to throw people like weapons.

14:06You can do whatever you want, whenever you want.

14:08Come on.

14:09Get back in.

14:10Useful tactic there, pointed out by Sarah.

14:12Oh, the influencers are falling out.

14:14This has been a bit.

14:16Ah, this means the next team are coming in.

14:19Coming up, two teams have braved the Tornado.

14:25This is horrible to watch.

14:27But seven more are still waiting to be unleashed.

Clash of the Comics - Season 1 Episode 3

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