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Reality Realm US
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Short filmTranscript
00:00So suck on that!
00:02Oh, wow!
00:03He's been a bad boy!
00:05Don't ever take me to a restaurant like that.
00:07Not a chance, Julie.
00:08Oh!
00:09Yes, look at that!
00:10He's had an absolute feast!
00:13Whoa!
00:14For a banana?
00:15This is insane!
00:17Well, thank God that's over, I've got a headache on.
00:20It is like putting chicken in a vodka tonic, this.
00:24That's very modern, isn't it?
00:26Nothing, no-one saw that coming.
00:27No.
00:28In the week Rachel's budget got revealed a bit too early,
00:32we enjoyed lots of great telly.
00:35We went back to the 80s for one last time on Netflix.
00:47Well, last time Strange Things were out, I were pregnant with Ezra.
00:50Maybe it's time to have another baby.
00:52Whenever there's a new Stranger Things series.
00:55Things were going bumping the night at your house and it is not the Demi Gargons.
00:59There was a big sing-along on BBC One.
01:02The Demi Gargons said wherever you may be.
01:05I'm the Lord of the gods and we may be.
01:08Fight said wherever you may be.
01:11We are the team from the West Country.
01:14And we'll fight you all wherever you may be.
01:17And we'll fight you all in the West Country.
01:20Okay.
01:21Cords away.
01:22Bristol Rovers.
01:23I'm not a supporter or anything.
01:27And Jack Whitehall was being a bit creepy on Prime Video.
01:31I could kill you right now if I wanted.
01:35But I'm not going to do that.
01:38Because I want you to suffer.
01:42Just like I did.
01:43Do you know what?
01:44I could have quite easily held a lot of grudges with you.
01:46You know, biting a chunk of me hair out.
01:48Smacking me around the head with a washing line pole
01:51when we were playing jousting in the garden.
01:53Spitting chewing gum in me hair the night before prom.
01:56You know, but I haven't.
01:58Listen.
01:59And you smacked me head off the kitchen side one morning.
02:01Yeah.
02:02Muscle me lip open.
02:03Because you were being an arsehole.
02:05And Mum went, right, get in the car.
02:08My face is hanging off here.
02:10And I was wearing a lovely cream coat with a fur trim from Woolworths.
02:14I felt the dog's bollocks.
02:23In Wiltshire.
02:24So just to put you in the picture, I got up at six.
02:27And I had been working for five hours 55 minutes.
02:31When you came into the room.
02:33As you know, I personally handle everything myself with absolutely no help.
02:39Giles and his wife Mary.
02:41And then you came in.
02:43And when you said, your room needs a sort out.
02:47Hmm.
02:48That was enough to actually make me want to kill you.
02:51Oh, dear.
02:52And just as well they have gun laws here.
02:54That's the thing about marriage, Natty, is that tomorrow you won't even remember.
02:57Yes, but when you do something.
02:58Because there'll be a new crisis tomorrow.
03:00And that's the nature of marriage.
03:02Well, you'll find the nature of marriage is different from what you think.
03:05Relationship.
03:06Relationship.
03:07Relationship goals.
03:08Well, you're going to the shed.
03:09Relationship.
03:10You're going to live in the shed, you horrible, horrible man.
03:14On Saturday night, the remaining Strictly stars have made the annual trip up north.
03:19For this...
03:20It's bloody Blackpool week, Paris.
03:21This is only down road.
03:22And I drove past the fans this morning.
03:24Oh!
03:25Oh!
03:26Oh, they're...
03:27Oh, hey, watch!
03:28Oh!
03:32Cheers!
03:33Wow!
03:35I'm on one tonight.
03:38Look at me.
03:39If we can't go out, out, we stay in, in.
03:45Hey, I'll tell you who's on tonight.
03:47Paige was telling me.
03:48Steps.
03:49Oh!
03:50You've danced in Blackpool, aren't you, Sean?
03:52I have.
03:53Many times.
03:55I've danced in Blackpool many times.
03:57At the ballroom.
04:01Who have we got here?
04:02Look at all these ones.
04:03These are the professionals.
04:09That's actually a group called Steps, Mary.
04:11I thought they'd...
04:13Like, died years ago.
04:15Yeah, why would they die?
04:20Oh, I like her.
04:21I know you do.
04:22God.
04:23It's got Abbott energy, innit?
04:24Yeah, I was gonna say that, innit?
04:25Yeah, I was gonna say that, innit?
04:29Oh, he's bringing it back to the noughties with them white suits.
04:32I want a Steps makeover.
04:34What era is Steps?
04:371960s, I think.
04:38I mean, seriously.
04:39It's a banger, to be fair.
04:40A banger.
04:41That's a traditional banger.
04:42And we're gonna go into a Steps medley.
04:43They can't just be doing Summer of Love.
04:44I need more.
04:45Ooh.
04:46Transition to a new Steps banger.
04:47Ooh.
04:48Transition to a new Steps banger.
04:49Ooh, yes.
04:50I love a transition.
04:51There was something in your voice.
04:52There she is, fresh from Dubai.
04:53He's Lisa.
04:54Is this Lisa?
04:55Lisa about to sing, yes.
04:56With their big boots on, loveless.
04:57My thigh-highs.
04:58Did you ever have a pair of thigh-highs?
04:59No, no, no.
05:00No, no.
05:01No, no.
05:02No, no.
05:03No, no.
05:04No, no.
05:05No, no.
05:06No, no.
05:07No, no.
05:08No, no, no.
05:09No, no.
05:10No, no, no.
05:11No, no, no.
05:12No, no, no.
05:13No, no, no.
05:14No, no, no, no.
05:15No, no, no, no.
05:16No, no, no, no.
05:18No, no, no.
05:19Arise in my suspicions, I had never felt...
05:23Oh, a little...
05:24Bit of filth.
05:25Ooh.
05:26I don't like those weird movements they're doing there.
05:29What do they signify?
05:30I thought we had it made...
05:33Is it Jed Wood?
05:34No.
05:35I don't think so.
05:36He wasn't in steps.
05:37They still all look good, though, don't they?
05:38Yeah, they do.
05:39He's nearly 50.
05:40Oh.
05:41Each.
05:42Is he?
05:43Yes.
05:44Oh, I love a bit of that.
05:47I can do that.
05:51Now I see everything I can do.
05:53I can do it really fast as well.
05:55Look how fast it goes.
06:01Oh, aye.
06:02Bit of bongos.
06:03Get the judges in.
06:05Look at this lot.
06:07They look sharp as well, the judges.
06:09I've gone somewhere else right now.
06:13It's one for sorrow.
06:14Oh, I love one for sorrow.
06:16One for sorrow.
06:19Ain't it too, too bad.
06:23Breaking someone else in.
06:26Anton looks like he should be serving canapes.
06:28LAUGHTER
06:29Would you take my love where you are?
06:32Oh, look at Graham.
06:34Oh, it's fucking Graham.
06:36I don't know, what's his name?
06:37Graham.
06:38That was Graham.
06:39Graham?
06:40That was Graham.
06:41Great.
06:42I think you do have a look across and steps about you.
06:47Stunning.
06:48She's prettier and can sing.
06:56Better than we know.
06:59Oh, forget.
07:01I feel as I want to get up and dance one of these.
07:05Well, you don't want to do that, love.
07:07Because it's true.
07:08What they say, yeah, yeah, yeah.
07:11It's better than the devil, you know.
07:14Do you know what?
07:15I bloody love Blackpool.
07:17Hey, I bet you didn't know this, but the actual ballroom in Blackpool,
07:20it's got a sprung floor, that.
07:22Yes, it is.
07:23So you could play squash on it.
07:24I'm holding you, holding you, holding you.
07:25I think I know this one.
07:26This is what everyone came for.
07:28This is what people came for.
07:29No, we said.
07:30Tragedy!
07:31When the feeling's gone, it can't go on, it's tragedy!
07:32When the feeling's gone, you can't go on, it's tragedy!
07:33When the feeling's gone, it can't go on, it's tragedy!
07:36When the feeling's gone and you can't go on, it's tragedy!
07:42When the feeling's gone and you can't go on, it's tragedy!
07:44They've saved the best till last, haven't they?
07:47When the feeling's gone and you can't go on, it's tragedy.
07:53Tragedy!
07:54You two are just butchering me.
07:58We're going nowhere.
08:01This is the working man's YMCA, this.
08:04It is.
08:09Oh!
08:10Oh, my tits went through.
08:19That's a tragedy.
08:20Piss off.
08:23In the Cotswolds...
08:25Darling, I've got a surprise that I brought back from my very brief trip to Mexico.
08:30What is in there?
08:31Our friends have had something done for us.
08:33Oh, God.
08:34Andrew and his husband Alfie.
08:37I have a great unveil.
08:40What is that?
08:45Perkins, what do you think?
08:47Luckily...
08:48Perkins looks startled.
08:49Lucky he can't speak.
08:50Well, darling, it's not bad of me.
08:53I think it's...
08:54Well, I'm glad you look all right.
08:56I mean...
08:57I mean, you look a bit unshaven.
08:59What?
09:00I think it's done from a photo.
09:02I mean, it's very kind.
09:03I wonder where it should go?
09:05Downstairs cupboard.
09:07On Friday, the BBC brought us news to get us all in the mood.
09:12Is it...
09:13Do you want apple crumble overnight oats or banoffee overnight wheat bisques?
09:18Banoffee overnight wheat bisques.
09:20Well, I wanted that one.
09:21The last Friday before Black Friday, even though all the deals have already begun.
09:25Yeah, Paige the tip was saying that it's Black Friday today and it ain't...
09:28No, it's next week.
09:29No.
09:30She's going, you know, I need the credit card because it's Black Friday.
09:34Nice try.
09:36Yeah, very good.
09:38Good afternoon, welcome to the BBC News at One.
09:42Oh, gosh.
09:43She looks like Olivia Newton-John.
09:46Now we ask it every year, how soon is too soon for the tinsel?
09:51Now it's too soon.
09:52I'm fucking sick of it.
09:53Never too soon for me.
09:55Never too soon for me.
09:57It's not soon enough, sweetheart.
09:59No.
10:00I've pulled the trigger.
10:01My decks are up.
10:02For some, thoughts turn to the tree as soon as Guy Fawkes has cooled off.
10:06No, I won't go that far.
10:07No, no, no, no, no, no.
10:09But for others, digging out the decks too soon can spoil the big day.
10:13Well, does it really matter?
10:15I was sitting on a loo in an airport in fucking September
10:19and they're playing Jingle Bells.
10:21I love it that people tree-jaculate and put it up early
10:24because do you know what?
10:25Winter's miserable enough.
10:27Stick some fucking festive lights on it and have a nice time.
10:30Anna White has been asking shoppers in Hull
10:32whether their build-up has started.
10:34I feel we could do with a bit of a cull this year.
10:37I disagree.
10:38I think we need more decorations.
10:39No, no.
10:40It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
10:44Oh, no.
10:45Oh, no, no.
10:47That's cute.
10:49Well, it certainly is at the garden centre.
10:51Onsi garden centre.
10:53And you had seen them fucking three things before.
10:56I've been to that garden centre.
10:58Is it too early to be decked up for Christmas?
11:00Is it mollocks?
11:01Next question.
11:02No, I don't think so.
11:04You're good on your girl.
11:05See, that old lady said she doesn't think so.
11:08Oh, well, then we'll go with her, shall we?
11:10I agree.
11:11I agree.
11:12Do you think we're going earlier?
11:13Yeah, I think we are because it's old in the shops earlier, isn't it?
11:16Yeah.
11:17So I think that puts you in the mood.
11:18I think it's too early.
11:20They've got the Christmas tree up in the hairdressers already
11:23and I was offered a mince pie and a Bailey's.
11:26That was last week.
11:27You look like you're dressed to go on Santa's sleigh.
11:30That's a bit bloody rude.
11:31What are you dressed like, dear?
11:32Can I say you look magnificent?
11:34Oh, thank you.
11:36Yeah.
11:37I've seen them in the gardens already.
11:38Can't be done with coloured lights.
11:39No.
11:40I don't like coloured lights.
11:41No.
11:42Just keep it chic.
11:43Just keep it classy.
11:44Yeah, you see, I always veer, though, I want to keep it chic and classy
11:48and then I start putting tinsel over paintings.
11:50No.
11:51My wife, two kids, it's definitely a Christmasy household,
11:55but I'm a bit of a Scrooge, so...
11:56What we want to be asking is a Fiat 500 driver
12:00that's got an eggnog latte in her hands.
12:02Yeah.
12:03Then we'll see if it's too early.
12:05Whatever the reason, is it ever too early?
12:08Yes.
12:09No.
12:10Amanda White, BBC News, in a surprisingly festive hauntsy.
12:14Do whatever makes you happy, that's what I say.
12:17Oh, I love Christmasy.
12:19I don't want anything.
12:22What are you crying for?
12:23Cos I just love it.
12:24I love it.
12:25It's a happy time, Jenny.
12:26I know it is, I know.
12:27I just love it.
12:28In Leeds...
12:29Well, you'll be pleased to know that I've treated myself to a new bra.
12:42Oh, yeah.
12:43Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
12:45Because I needed a new black bra so that my tits weren't all in a jumble for my Christmas works, Christmas do.
12:51Finally.
12:52Yeah.
12:53Anyway, and you told me that I were a 36 back, didn't you, from looking at my other bras.
12:58So I just went into the supermarket, found the black bras, got the cup, put it up against my boob like that.
13:06In the middle of the supermarket?
13:08Yeah.
13:09Yeah, I'm like this.
13:10In the supermarket.
13:11And I thought, that'll do.
13:13Take that.
13:14I haven't even tried it on yet.
13:15You better hope it's alright.
13:16You better try it on tonight.
13:18Put it on tonight.
13:20Well, I mean, what's worse that can happen?
13:22This week, we went back to the upside-down world with the long-awaited return of this on Netflix.
13:29I've waited all year for this now, and I didn't really want to watch up with you, but you're here, so shut up.
13:35Now, Dad, what you have to remember is that when this series started, the kids were like 12 years old.
13:41Right.
13:42They're about 32 now.
13:43Okay.
13:44So you'll have to suspend disbelief a little bit.
13:46I've even got Stranger Things pyjamas this year.
13:52Have you?
13:53I'm not much of a super fan, yeah?
13:54Bloody hell.
13:55You know, every time I see a Christmas lights now, I can't look at it the same.
13:58Yeah!
13:59I just think of Stranger Things.
14:00Will?
14:01Will, is that you?
14:02Will!
14:03Send me a message!
14:10So that's Mike and Nancy's little sister, the baby that is no longer a baby, Holly.
14:13I want her outfit.
14:14It's cute.
14:15What's she saying there?
14:25Who's she waving to?
14:27What is that?
14:28There's a shadow.
14:29Holly!
14:32Who's that?
14:35Holly!
14:36Bryce!
14:37I've been calling you!
14:38I'm sorry.
14:39Nobody's there.
14:40Who's she waving at?
14:41I don't know.
14:42Right, this is creepy already, Ellie.
14:44Turn it off.
14:45Playtime's over.
14:47Come on.
14:50She spotted someone again?
14:51I wonder what she's seeing.
14:55Hi.
14:56Who's Holly talking to?
14:57She knows them.
14:58She's not scared of them.
14:59Oh, yeah.
15:00Miss Harris.
15:03No one.
15:04No one!
15:05She's not talking to anyone!
15:07Oh, you do that all the time.
15:09Yeah, I do am all right in that world.
15:10I do am all right in that world.
15:11And Finn!
15:12I'm standing there talking to nobody.
15:14Well, she's hardly the first child to have an imaginary friend.
15:18I wouldn't be so worried if she was five years old.
15:20Oh, the parents are arguing about her being weird.
15:23It's causing a kerfuffle.
15:29Oh, she's real upset.
15:30Look.
15:31What's Holly crying for?
15:32Well, she's had a bit of a tough day.
15:34She's talking to people and they're not even there.
15:36Oh, you know, it's always the lights.
15:41It's the lights when they flick off.
15:43It's always the lights.
15:44That's the sign the demigorgon's coming for their house, is it?
15:46Oh, for fuck's sake.
15:47I don't like this.
15:52Oh, shit!
15:53Oh, I've got to go under the ceiling!
15:55They're here, they're here, they're here.
16:01Oh, my God!
16:02Oh, it's one of them.
16:03It's a gemigam.
16:04Oh, whatever.
16:05Oh, no!
16:08Oh, no!
16:09Oh, no!
16:10Oh, my God!
16:11Oh, it's ruined.
16:12We're all over the show.
16:13Oh, my God!
16:15Can you hear the drums tremendo?
16:19She's pissed at going in the bathroom, are they?
16:21Oh, look at her.
16:22I mean, this is a vibe, though, isn't it?
16:26Never mind your bubble bath pet.
16:28Your kids getting eaten and dragged down the bedroom by the demagogues.
16:31Baby, what are you doing?
16:32What's wrong?
16:33There's a monster in here.
16:34There's a monster in here.
16:35Oh, slow down.
16:36Listen to the girl, man, you silly cow.
16:39Mom, please.
16:40You've got to believe me.
16:43Have you got blood enough?
16:44Blood?
16:45There you go.
16:46There you go.
16:47Seriously.
16:48What the heck?
16:50Mr. Weirder, get the shotgun!
16:52Oh!
16:57Oh!
16:58Oh, here we go.
16:59Oh, my God.
17:01Where have they gone?
17:02Where have they gone?
17:03Where have they gone?
17:04In the suds, aren't they?
17:05Oh, they're going to die.
17:07Are they just holding their breath?
17:08Oh, wow.
17:09How long could you hold your breath for, though?
17:10That is a very good question.
17:11Whilst panicking?
17:12Yeah.
17:13It's Ted!
17:14It's Ted!
17:15It's Ted with a golf club!
17:16Thank God!
17:17Oh, shit!
17:18There it is!
17:19I don't have a good feeling about this.
17:20Ted's dead.
17:21Stay back!
17:23Stay back!
17:24Stay back!
17:25Stay back!
17:26Swipe in, you silly cow!
17:29Oh, bloody hell!
17:30Oh, bloody hell!
17:31Oh, shit!
17:32Oh, shit!
17:33There it is!
17:34I don't have a good feeling about this.
17:35Ted's dead.
17:36Stay back!
17:37Stay back!
17:38Stay back!
17:39Stay back!
17:41Swipe in, you silly cow!
17:44Oh, bloody hell!
17:48Oh, he's killed him!
17:49Oh!
17:50You see what happened when you face it?
17:52Forget that.
17:55Oh!
17:56Oh, shit!
17:57Oh, shit!
17:58You never run when your feet are wet!
17:59Oh!
18:02Oh, come on!
18:03Get up!
18:04Oh, leave her!
18:05Oh, please, please!
18:06Don't leave her!
18:07It's her mother!
18:09Oh!
18:10Right!
18:11Here he is!
18:13Yes!
18:14Oh, she's got a ball in!
18:17Oh!
18:18Straight in her kisser!
18:21Yes!
18:22The Calvary's coming!
18:23Turn off!
18:24She got the shotty!
18:25That is hard!
18:26This is a five!
18:29Oh, my God!
18:30What she is!
18:31What'd she see?
18:36Oh!
18:37No!
18:38It's her mum!
18:39God, Karen's dead, innit?
18:40Fucking joking!
18:41She's dead!
18:42She's dead, innit?
18:44Is she still alive?
18:45No!
18:46It's gonna be fine!
18:47You're gonna be fine!
18:49Holly!
18:50Where's Holly?
18:51Oh, shit, yeah!
18:52Where's Holly?
18:56It took Holly!
18:57It took her!
18:58Oh, we've taken her to the upside down!
19:01Jesus Christ, man!
19:03I just like how realistic it all is!
19:06Oh, it puts stuff in your head!
19:08It's no wonder these kids can't go to sleep!
19:11All the sake they watch!
19:16In Solihull...
19:17Close your eyes!
19:18Where are you?
19:19Keep your eyes closed!
19:20Oh!
19:21I'm in the kitchen!
19:22Open your eyes!
19:23Theresa and her wife Anita!
19:25Oh, yeah!
19:26Oh, my God!
19:33What do you reckon?
19:35We're gonna have a different colour every night of the week!
19:38Yeah, and look, a mixture!
19:40Oh, lovely!
19:42I'm very, very, very happy!
19:46Are you?
19:47No!
19:48On Sunday, it was a countdown of the best hymns
19:51that took us down memory lane on BBC One.
19:54I love school assembly sing-along!
19:56I've been getting warmed up!
19:57Me and Bobby have been going to mass, haven't we?
19:59This is the big school assembly sing-along!
20:02Oh, it's Ali!
20:03Oh, Ali did get his face in, anyway!
20:05What's it, eh?
20:06Singing!
20:07Is there singing in the rain?
20:08No!
20:09Ali Jones, they always wheel him out for all singing, don't they?
20:15There'll be riots if Shine Jesus Shine isn't in the top three.
20:17There'll be riots from me if Lord of the Dance isn't in it!
20:19Ooh!
20:20That was our wedding song!
20:21It was our wedding song!
20:22The apples are ripe!
20:24The plums are red!
20:25The probes are sleeping in a blackety-bear!
20:29Ba-dup, ba-dup!
20:30Ba-dup, ba-dup!
20:31Ba-dup, ba-dup, ba-dup, ba-dup!
20:33Hey!
20:34Listen!
20:35We don't remember that!
20:36No!
20:37I can now reveal that number two is a traditional hymn!
20:40Oh, number two!
20:41If this isn't, give me oil in my lamp, keep me burning, switch it off!
20:46It is, of course, give me oil in my lamp!
20:49Take it away!
20:50Give me oil in my lamp!
20:51This is a tune, man!
20:53Give me oil in my lamp!
20:54I pray!
20:55I pray!
20:56I pray!
20:57Give me oil in my lamp!
20:58Keep me burning!
20:59Give me oil in my lamp!
21:00I pray!
21:01I pray!
21:02Give me oil in my lamp!
21:03I pray!
21:04I pray!
21:05Give me oil in my lamp!
21:06Keep me burning!
21:07Give me oil in my lamp!
21:08Keep me burning!
21:09Give me oil in my lamp!
21:10I pray!
21:11Is that meant to be me?
21:12Yes!
21:13I'll in my lamp keep it burning
21:22Remember this one now say it was Anna to the king of kings
21:34To the king god, this is the most undiverse program. I think I've ever watched
21:43I'm kind of open after the first verse of everything. Yeah. Yes. You feel about that been there, right? Let's move on
21:56That's like oh you were brought up with girls like that with faces like that. Yes
22:03normal people
22:13Oh
22:35That was a right old him hold down in it. Yeah, I actually feel like I've just been in assembly with my father
22:41Yeah, I tell you what bollocks to your oasis tickets at 450 quid a pop get me in there
22:47Yeah, that's my oasis in it funny and forget what you've had for breakfast, but you never forget them words
22:54What did you offer breakfast?
22:56In blackpool I tell you what the kids they're so much like me and page
23:09Jimmy's like me whereas either
23:11100 mile an hour always wanting to be doing something like page she comes alive at night
23:16Pete and his little sister Sophie either is like you in some respects though because remember when mum gave a 50p for the charity
23:24Buckets and everyone else put their money in and then we looked to Eva's hand and her knuckles weren't almost white
23:31Yeah, clinging on to a 50p piece. Well, she's not daft is she apple never falls far from the drain
23:37On Friday night animals were getting up to all sorts on discovery drunk animals are quite funny
23:44I know it's not right. That's because of the generation you were born into
23:49Because you've got the PG tips monkeys. Yeah, smoking monkey monkey monkeys. That's not okay. It's not okay
23:59Drunk bears
24:01It's happening. I've seen drunk monkeys. They get drunk. Yeah, I've seen monkeys taking away a bottle. Oh, do you remember that friend of us?
24:09Monkey was taking booze out of our house the whole time and the toothpaste
24:12toothpaste probably to get rid of the smell of the booze so nobody else knew in the program we met wild life
24:18expert forest off to meet a bear but now we're pulling into bowser's peace sanctuary which is where the
24:25guy named Stanton who was apparently an alcoholic has a bear that was also an alcoholic
24:30What? How does a bear get a corkscrew look?
24:33And the two helped each other overcome their addictions
24:38What is this like an AA meeting in the woods? An AA meeting in the woods between a bear and a man?
24:45I hear that you have a bear
24:52Lupin
24:53It's a bear
24:54You want to come and meet him and share some time with him and you'll experience the stuff I can't explain
24:59What meet the who? Is he talking about come and meet the bear? He must be joking
25:04What you want me to go in there with him?
25:07An angry recovering alcoholic bear
25:10So guys, we are going in with a live bear here
25:13Okay, your energy and your body language is super important very calm very smooth very gentle
25:19That's how we want to be with him. Got it. How about I just record you from a distance from a distance. Yeah
25:24Hey, hey, hey bear. Hey, buddy. Hi
25:29Jesus Christ. He's brave, isn't he?
25:32To be fair. No, no, he looks like a nice bear. He's a changed bear. Yeah
25:37Sobriety has done him a lot of good. He's done wonders of good for the bear
25:40Boris, you can give him a treat just right. Oh, look at that. I thought he might take your finger off or another finger off
25:46Oh, he's got one finger gone already
25:48He's missing a finger index index is gone. No, that was it. That was a different different day
25:54different day
25:57I heard that you had a problem with addiction and depression and that he had a problem with addiction. Can you clarify that for me?
26:04Oh, no
26:05He's having a coffee somewhere along there bowser king and showed me a whole different life that I didn't even know was possible. Oh my god
26:15He's just giving you a hug. Is that sweet or is he trying to kill him? No, no, he's having a hug
26:19Oh my god, that bear's getting a bit rough, isn't it? He's getting a bit chokeholdy that bear
26:24And I met bowser and what that turned into was an understanding of how
26:29Look, I mean, he's got his head right by his mouth
26:32How that connection can help us
26:34Wrong
26:36And he's showing off so I'm gonna have to be a daddy
26:39He's showing off so I'm gonna have to be a daddy
26:41Oh, I'm not liking this chase, sir. Yeah, yeah easy
26:47Talk me through what you're doing. He's wrestling the bear. Oh my god. What I'm actually doing here
26:54He's grappling with the bear
26:58I'm laying him down. Yeah, if I can get to his belly. Yeah, he's gonna be in his belly in a minute
27:04Jesus
27:05No, this ain't real, this ain't real
27:07I'm gonna show him to his boss
27:09Tickle, tickle, tickle
27:11Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle
27:14No, easy
27:15This is getting a bit fucking silly now
27:18Oh, here it goes. He's trying to eat your head
27:21It's just a word of warning. He's trying to eat your head
27:24He's got his head in his mouth
27:29No, this is our love. Okay. It's fucking brushing him now
27:33This is how he this is how he communicates
27:36Get out of there now because this is too much
27:38I don't want anything to let me damage to you
27:40No
27:41I mean, it's meant that he's only ever bitten one of Stanton's fingers off
27:46Yeah, you know, that's only really what he's done
27:48Well, that is a small price to pay for love
27:50In South East London
27:55Do you know, I love you in that black t-shirt
27:58You look quite sexy with that under your shirt
28:02Yeah
28:02Annie and her husband, Ronnie
28:04It reminds me of the days
28:06Reminiscing a bit there, isn't we?
28:08I know
28:09You ain't forgot
28:10You used to have a black t-shirt
28:13And you used to have your love beads around it
28:16That's it
28:17Except your hair was down your back
28:19Yeah, well, not now, is it?
28:21No
28:21Your hair's just not there
28:23I can't even get it to go down my ears
28:27Let alone anything else
28:28On Monday, more con artists were up to no good on BBC One
28:33Until the boys changed my privacy settings on Facebook
28:37I was getting lots of messages
28:38Oh, yeah
28:39From American soldiers
28:41Wanted to chat with me? You're off your head
28:47This isn't any old scam interceptors, Pedda's
28:54This is celebrity scam interceptors
28:56They do have the celebrity version of everything now, don't they?
28:59Well, celebrities, you know, they don't discriminate
29:01They can be scammed as well
29:03What I do is I go on my online banking and think I've been scammed
29:07Then I look at the transactions and realise they're all me
29:10Today in the Glasgow Scam Hub
29:13Glasgow Scam Hub?
29:14Yeah
29:14Wow, I didn't know there was one there
29:16There's a new member of the team
29:18Celebrity scam interceptor, Amanda Holden
29:22Amanda Holden!
29:24What's Mandy doing here?
29:25Scammers have been using her image to trick people out of money
29:29Oh
29:30Yes, I've read that
29:32Identity for all
29:34Yes
29:35I can't stand injustice
29:37And my family and friends say I'm always up for a fight
29:41She looks like she's always up for a fight, doesn't she?
29:44She's like you, Mary
29:45She likes to catch culprits
29:46Yeah
29:47So I put your name in to see where are these profiles lurking
29:50I was amazed at how many other profiles were actually there
29:53There were hundreds
29:54Are these all Amanda Holden?
29:55Yeah
29:56Fucking hell
29:57So I'd like to ask you if you would recognise this picture at all
30:01Well, yes, that's me
30:02It was in Dubai
30:03Oh
30:03Pick that one all
30:05That was one of the pictures that one of the scammers were using
30:07But I said, can you please send me a video to verify your identity?
30:11Ah, this is where they get caught out
30:12Because they can't send a video, can they?
30:14I need it
30:15What?
30:16Oh, he's got one
30:17I am Amanda Holden
30:21Obviously, I am real
30:23Wow
30:24They've made a video out of the photo run
30:26That's crazy, isn't it?
30:28Isn't it crazy?
30:30And I am shocked you would not believe this is true
30:33Don't sound out like it
30:34Uncle Barry's had it all the time on bloody AI
30:37Turning pictures into videos
30:40Have you not seen him?
30:41Making Auntie Margaret
30:42Riding horses and stuff like that
30:44Yeah
30:45And we've got something now that we're going to show you Amanda
30:47Because Amanda, it's time for you to meet Scamander
30:50Scamander
30:51Scamander Holden
30:51Scamander
30:53Why are you making it sound sexy?
30:54I don't know
30:56I've got one little treat for you
30:57And I have this guy on WhatsApp
30:59What?
31:00No
31:01Oh, call him
31:03Taking on the role of superfan Stephen
31:06I message the scammer
31:07Oh, here we go
31:08This is so cool
31:10Here we go
31:12What?
31:13Replied straight away
31:14Oh, keyed
31:16You can use a voice note if you want to say something today
31:19So you need to say, I'm in the bank now
31:21You see, that will get him to chat
31:23Yes, Amanda, let's talk
31:24Yes
31:25Come on
31:25That will get him to chat
31:27Hey, Amanda, I don't know what to do with this money
31:31I don't know where it goes
31:31Can you just call me, babe?
31:33Babe
31:33Can you call me?
31:35He's a superfan
31:36He's pretending
31:37He's scamming the scammer
31:38He's scamming Scamander
31:39Will you talk to my manager
31:41Because I'm busy and can't take calls now
31:43To be honest with you, that probably would be something Amanda would say as well
31:46Imagine if it really is Amanda's manager
31:48My heart is racing
31:50This is how I feel just before the thing goes back on Britain's Got Talent
31:55Oh, she always has to get something done, she
31:57Amanda, is that your manager? Is that your manager?
31:59Oh, right, this is brilliant, isn't it?
32:02It's Amanda there, I got her money
32:06Yeah, okay, you got her money, this is the instruction
32:08We're going to send you an address right now
32:10Imagine that, so straightforward
32:12Not even like lower, like say, oh, like, yeah, I'll guide you through whatever
32:16Yeah, this is the instructions
32:19I've got the bank staff here, they're just going to check the address
32:23Amanda's talking to him now
32:25What's she going to do?
32:25She's going to pretend to be the bank manager
32:27Oh, my God
32:29Hello, good afternoon
32:30I just want to check the amount of money that Amanda needs
32:34Look at Amanda, she sounds like a cashier, doesn't she?
32:37In the bank, hello, sir
32:38Yeah, yeah
32:39She needs about £10,000 for the investment
32:41How much?
32:43£10,000?
32:44Okay, sir
32:45Um, can I let you know my name so you know who you're dealing with?
32:50Yeah, let me know your name
32:51Yeah, go on, go on
32:53Drum roll
32:56My name is Amanda Holden
32:57Oh, shit, you little fucker
33:01I know everything about you
33:03Oh, he's ungold
33:05He's ungold
33:05Bah
33:06Yeah, and just like that
33:08The scam's over
33:09Yeah
33:09Yes
33:11Yes
33:12Look at her face, look at her face, look at her face
33:14She's absolutely steaming
33:17Oh, you little
33:20That says you little shit
33:21I know everything about you
33:24Well done, Amanda
33:26Good girl
33:27All he'll do now is shut that account down and pop up as Alicia Dixon
33:31Yeah
33:31In home
33:40I think you've done real well, Lee, in a week
33:43It's good
33:44What are you looking at?
33:44You must ask
33:45Best friends Jenny and Lee
33:48Do you know something?
33:48I keep forgetting I've got it
33:49Yeah
33:50Talking to somebody yesterday and they kept, you know, like, staring at me
33:53But what are you looking at?
33:55No, it's grown
33:56Best friend said, oh, he looked like an 80s porn star
33:59Really?
34:01I won't go that far
34:03This week it was a surprising all-star turnout for a brand new drama on Prime Video
34:09Because you've got to tell who's in this and all
34:12It's David, er, David Duchovny
34:14Out of the X-Files
34:15Sir
34:16Remember him?
34:17No, I can't
34:18With Gillian Anderson
34:19I don't know her
34:20She was iconic
34:21Was it?
34:22Well, I can't remember
34:23You don't take anything in, do you, at all?
34:25But I don't even remember watching it
34:31Where's Jack?
34:31Aye
34:32I remember him now
34:36How have they made Jack Whitehall look really sexy?
34:39Everybody's looking sexy at the moment
34:40I think it's a testosterone gel
34:42It's worrying
34:43You need to just monitor that, Mum
34:48Oh, US customs
34:49Nobody wants to go through US customs
34:51Have you done your Esther?
34:53Come with me, please, sir
34:55Sure
34:56Oh, Jesus, he's only just arrived
34:58Hopefully they don't get the old glove out
35:00My name's Nikki Delgado
35:02I'm an agent with the Department of Homeland Security
35:04Oh, this sounds a bit ominous
35:05Do you know the Tanner family?
35:07And a man called Jamie Tanner
35:09Yes
35:10Yes, he knows him
35:11He's a bit too calm for me
35:13I spent the last month working for him and living in his house
35:16OK, what's that to Jamie Tanner?
35:18Well
35:19What's she showing him?
35:22Jamie Tanner, is he dead?
35:24This is horrible
35:25What's horrible?
35:26Think someone's toast, Paris
35:28But in a way, I'm not surprised
35:29Well, why am I not surprised?
35:31Well, what is it?
35:32That's a strange comment, isn't it?
35:34Jamie Tanner was not a very nice man
35:36Oh
35:37Oh, neither was Elsie Tanner in Coronation Street
35:41She was a bugger
35:48Malice
35:48Is it not a name?
35:49No
35:50Malice is a type of meaning
35:53Like a palace
35:55No
35:56Oh, now that looks nice
36:02Don't forget we've gone back in time now
36:04Oh, no
36:05Hang on a minute
36:06What?
36:08I'm going back in time
36:12Look at that bud
36:14He's got a six pack and everything
36:17Well, I can get to that very easily
36:19Go on then
36:21Hi, you must be Jamie
36:23Yeah
36:24Adam, so nice to meet you
36:25What an amazing place this is
36:27How long have you had it?
36:2910 or 12 years
36:30Already bad vibes
36:31You're here to Tudor Millie?
36:32Yeah, just a bit
36:33A tutor?
36:35Oh, I had a couple of them
36:37They didn't do much for you did the
36:39Maths
36:40English
36:40French
36:43Wasted time
36:44A bit later
36:45and Jack had picked up a couple of octopuses for dinner
36:51Oh
36:52Oh my god, he's unhinged
36:54Daniel, I don't like him
36:55He's scaring me
36:55He's really giving me the eebie-jeebs
37:02That's an octopus
37:06Gross
37:06Very gross
37:07Yeah
37:08Love to fucking gut you and hang you on a line
37:10What?
37:11What the fucking hell?
37:16Is he a psychopath?
37:17That's not normal
37:19Oh really?
37:20Oh, yeah
37:21Get me out of here
37:22Get me out of here
37:23Travelodge
37:24Travelodge
37:25Literally
37:25Travelodge
37:27I think if we're able to shake off Damien for the night
37:29Maybe we should try out that place
37:31Oh
37:33Your kind of establishment?
37:36Oh, it's seedy
37:39Oh, is it a strip club?
37:41Do you know they do lessons in that now?
37:48Night school
37:49I was gonna
37:50Yeah, I was gonna join
37:51What?
37:52Two years ago
37:53I was
37:54Two Sambucas, please
37:55Sambuca?
37:56Oh, no
37:57Yamas
37:58Yamas
38:00Yamas
38:01Yamas
38:02Yasso
38:02Boring his away
38:06Getting him pissed
38:07Why is he doing it?
38:08Why is he trying to get Jamie pissed?
38:10And I used to do that at all
38:11Oh, you lying get
38:12I've never seen you tip a drink out
38:19We've all been there
38:21I've crawled down my drive a few times
38:23But not all the way home
38:24You always crawl
38:25Yeah, in fact, I do crawl a lot when I'm drunk
38:31Yeah
38:31Oh, no, this is creepy
38:36Jack's got him where he wants him, Natty
38:38What does Jack want to do to him?
38:41This is Nat tomorrow night when I get him from Christmas do
38:47Waiting for me to go up to bed
38:48I could kill you right now if I wanted
38:51Oh, no
38:52A what?
38:52But why does he even consider that?
38:55But I'm not gonna do that
38:57Oh
38:58Well, what are you gonna do then, you weirdo?
38:59What a nasty piece of work he's turned out to be
39:03The cosy manny
39:04Because I want you to suffer
39:06Oh, hello, what?
39:08Now, this sounds revengeful
39:10There is something
39:11Doesn't it?
39:12Just like I did
39:14It's a vendetta
39:15Ooh
39:17For what?
39:19Oh, frigging hell
39:21Now I've got to sit here all night working out
39:23Oh, oh, oh, oh
39:25And what's the connection?
39:26And what's the connection?
39:27It's very unlikely that Jack Whitehall will be a serial killer
39:32I mean, it makes it rather unpleasant to watch
39:35Beggar's belief
39:36It's almost as if you had Queen Elizabeth II being a psycho killer
39:41You know, Jack Whitehall
39:43Of course not
39:44It's unlikely, isn't it?
39:48In Leeds
39:50Have you seen out of Auntie Margaret since she's been back off her halls?
39:53So, she called round last night
39:55She didn't come in, she just stood at the door
39:57Because she'd been sorting out our case
39:59Sisters Ellie and Izzy
40:02Margaret didn't have a right lot to say
40:04I can't believe since Margaret's come back off holiday
40:07None of us have heard anything off her
40:09Where's she been?
40:10Been to Selby with Barry
40:12Yeah, bloody
40:13Her and Barry being out for a drive
40:15God, you'd think she'd have had enough of him after spending 11 nights with him
40:19I think I'd want to strangle Toby after 11 nights on holiday with him just us two
40:24Never mind, go for a drive to Selby
40:26I know
40:28Bloody hell Margaret, put Barry down
40:31She can't get enough of him
40:33This week, the world's sexiest man was putting us to sleep on the BBC
40:38I'm keeping the remote
40:39I know, why are you keeping the remote?
40:40Because you won't let me watch it
40:42Oh God
40:44Will you sit still?
40:45I'm all kidding
40:50We're watching sea fucking babies
40:52Hello, I'm Jonathan
40:54Oh, hello, Jonathan
40:57I know who you are
40:58Oh, calm down
40:59I'm not calming down, it's bedtime
41:02Do you love magic?
41:03Oh yeah, I love magic, Jonathan
41:05He's just been crowned the most sexiest man, 2025
41:09Christ almighty, I'm dying to watch this then, Julie
41:12Yeah, me too
41:13Oh, he's doing this for the mums, isn't he?
41:15Is he?
41:17Well, and some does
41:19I'd love to be able to cast spells like witches and wizards
41:22Oh, he's got a lovely voice
41:23He has got a nice voice, hasn't he?
41:24It's rather smoothy, vel
41:25It'd be good for telephone sakes, if you went into that
41:29And if I was magical, do you know what I'd do right now?
41:32What?
41:33I think you're magical, Jonathan
41:35Oh, please, can you get a grip?
41:37You know, if I was magical, you wouldn't be fucking sat in there
41:41You wouldn't be telling bedtime stories
41:43Yeah
41:44I'd conjure up a cute, cuddly little friend
41:47to sit here with me while I read you a bedtime story
41:50I bet you would
41:52That's me!
41:53I'm cute, I'm cuddly, I'm the one you want
41:59There he is
42:01Ladies
42:01Maybe I am magic after all
42:04I think you are
42:05No, I see, I can't cope with this
42:07Oh
42:07What are you talking about?
42:09Is he? Look at Jonathan's bulge
42:12Bloody hell
42:13I love a jeans bulge
42:15Do you?
42:16Yeah
42:18Now
42:20We're ready for a magical bedtime
42:23So, snuggle up
42:25and get ready for an exciting adventure
42:27Okay
42:27Snuggle up
42:28I'm getting snuggled, Jonathan
42:30I think you should go home and watch this
42:32It's called Room on the Broom
42:34Room on the Broom
42:36Room on the Broom
42:37Room on my broom, mate
42:39Oh, for fuck's sake
42:42And it was written by Julia Donaldson
42:43Julia Donaldson
42:45One of my favourite actual authors, that
42:47Julia Donaldson
42:48She writes kids about
42:50Yeah
42:50With illustrations by Axel Scheffler
42:53Say Axel Scheffler, Steve
42:55Axel Scheffler
42:57Not bad
42:59The witch had a cat
43:01And a very tall hat
43:03And long ginger hair
43:05Which she wore in a plait
43:07The witch is ginger like me
43:09Yeah, she looks a bit like you
43:10And how the cat spat
43:11That's insulting
43:13How the cat purred
43:16Oh, purred
43:18What is going on here?
43:20Do you know what this is
43:21Deathflirt, not bedtime story
43:23And how the witch grinned
43:25I'm lost and transfixed by this
43:27He could be reading the bible for all I know
43:30Then out of the bushes on thundering paws
43:34You don't have to look at the pictures
43:36You just listen to his voice
43:37The dog with the hat in his jaws
43:39Ow!
43:41He dropped it, politely
43:43Then eagerly said
43:44Bent over and pick it up
43:45Ha ha ha, banana
43:48I am a dog
43:50As keen as can be
43:51Is there room on the broom for a dog like me?
43:54Are you attracted to him?
43:55Well, I think he's quite entertaining
43:57You wouldn't throw him out
43:59That tells I'm not the right age group to go out with him
44:03However, my only thing I have against this is I'm dreading it ending
44:09She dropped it, politely
44:11And bent her head low
44:12Go on
44:13Then said, as the witch tied her plait in a bow
44:17I am a bird
44:18I'm a bird
44:19As green as can be
44:21Is there room on the broom for a bird like me?
44:24Yes, there's room on your broom for a bird like me
44:29They shut through the sky to the back of beyond
44:33The witch clutched her bow
44:35But let go of her wand
44:39So now the wand's gone now
44:40So who's going to find the wand now?
44:42You two invested in it
44:44Then all of a sudden from out of a pond
44:48Leapt a dripping wet frog with a dripping wet wand
44:53A dripping wet wand?
44:55Oh, for God's sake
44:57That's a bit much
44:59I'll tell you what, you'd be paying £2.50 a minute if this were on Babes Day
45:02Oh, for God's sake
45:04Over the moors and the mountains they flew
45:07The frog jumped for joy
45:10And
45:11Oh, what's that?
45:13The broom snapped in two
45:14Oh my days
45:16Oh, the last thing you want to do is snap your broom mid-flight
45:20The witch was so kind to let the dog, the bird and the frog
45:24Join her and the cat on the broom
45:26Yeah
45:27I wonder if there's room on the broom for a Jonathan like me
45:29Good night
45:31I don't think so
45:35Oh, turn it off
45:37Night night, Lee
45:39Night night
45:39Well, Sandy's doing the Riviera by rail
45:47Toxvig takes the train tomorrow at five past eight
45:50And we've got new drama
45:52A true story from the Troubles
45:53Maxine Peake and Lola Petticrew
45:55In Say Nothing beginning Monday at nine
45:59Stay with us here on Channel 4
46:00The Last Leg is on the way next
46:05You're a perfect
46:07Perfect world
46:09BANG
46:11BANG
46:12BANG
46:13BANG
46:14BANG
46:15BANG
46:16BANG
46:17BANG
46:18BANG
46:19BANG
46:20BANG
46:21BANG
46:22BANG
46:23BANG
46:24BANG
46:25BANG
46:26BANG
46:27BANG
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