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00:00It's back to school at Hadelson Junior College,
00:02and I got my very own office.
00:06It's also used as a dressing room for the theater kids.
00:11Watch this.
00:12I'm a little orphan Annie.
00:17We have fun.
00:18So back to school means the start of football season,
00:21and we have our very first game on Saturday.
00:24Now, with 26 weeks to go until Daytona,
00:27these games are a great way for my cheerleaders
00:28to get out there, strut their stuff, practice.
00:32And not for nothing, but for the first time
00:34in Hadelson Junior College history, we have a cheer team.
00:38Unless you came out last year, which is technically
00:40more of a one-woman show.
00:42When I say Heidel, you say what?
00:44Heidel?
00:45What?
00:48What?
00:49I'm just going to draw a little football,
00:52and why not a little Charlie Brown?
00:54He's always so worried.
00:56I'm going to give him a little swirl of hair,
00:57see how he feels about that.
00:58Oh.
01:00No.
01:01You can see why they made him bald.
01:02Stella!
01:05They're also a rehearsing streetcar named Desire.
01:07I don't know why I'm whispering.
01:08Would you mind giving it down?
01:09If we can hear you backstage, we can hear you on stage.
01:13So, yeah.
01:14Okay, let's go.
01:15Okay, let's go.
01:16Okay, okay.
01:17Let's go.
01:18Okay, okay.
01:19Let's go.
01:20Five, six, seven, eight.
01:21Uh-huh.
01:22Uh-huh.
01:23Being a cheer coach is more than just cheer.
01:25Okay.
01:26I'm looking at your schedule, and all I see is intro to tap-in,
01:28and what is me time?
01:30It is my elective, and we're cutting into it right now.
01:34DeMarcus, you need to get serious, honey.
01:36Okay?
01:37Now, committing to cheer, that means committing to the school,
01:39and that means declaring a major.
01:40Why?
01:41At Sammy Davis Senior Junior College, I didn't have to have a major.
01:44I didn't even have to go to class.
01:45That football team was hooked up.
01:47You know, a lot of these kids aren't used to doing things for themselves,
01:50or they don't have the kind of support or resources that they would need,
01:54so I make it a part of my job, as a mama bear,
01:57to make sure they are set up for success on and off the mat.
02:00Some of them hadn't even lived in a school environment before.
02:04Peaches.
02:05I must say I'm impressed.
02:06This is looking like a real dorm room.
02:08You even got a little shower caddy.
02:10Who is Phil?
02:12Peaches.
02:14Don't you think you might wonder where his medicated shampoo and conditioner duo is?
02:19Mmm.
02:20You need to think about taking things.
02:23Rachel.
02:24Joey Kay.
02:25Oh, no.
02:27Andy.
02:28Julie.
02:29Faculty.
02:30I was here when I got here.
02:31Peaches.
02:32This place is like the mall.
02:33You can just take whatever you want.
02:35Yeah.
02:38That's next.
02:39Is anything in here yours?
02:41Yeah.
02:42This is how I got Phil's shampoo.
02:50Okay.
02:51Hand them over.
02:52Some of them need help juggling things.
02:53Okay.
02:54Do you have everything you need for your pet detection class?
02:57Ooh.
02:58Check.
02:59Okay.
03:00Wait.
03:01All right.
03:02What about American history?
03:04Just give me one moment.
03:08Sorry.
03:09Voila, mademoiselle.
03:10Are those all parking tickets?
03:11Guilty.
03:12Yeah.
03:13I keep oversleeping and then forgetting to move my car for street cleaning.
03:14Then I forget to pay them.
03:15Mm-hmm.
03:16Candy button brain.
03:17Ooh.
03:18Sometimes I just want to scoop that girl up in my lap and sing her spirituals.
03:20All right, honey.
03:21Now, listen.
03:22You're about to have a lot on your plate.
03:23Please be beat us.
03:24Sally, I can't have you miss into your practice because of parking violations.
03:25All right?
03:26We already got a big old boot on Crystal.
03:27We don't also need one on your car.
03:28Yes, ma'am.
03:29All right?
03:30Let's go ahead and get those paid for.
03:31Yeah.
03:32And let's pick up the required reading for class.
03:33But this is the required reading.
03:34It was written by my professor.
03:35He was one of the actors on The Moon.
03:39Jesus, take a knee.
03:44What?
03:45need one on your car yes ma'am all right let's go ahead and get those paid for yeah and let's pick
03:51up the required reading for class but this is the required reading it was written by my professor
03:56he was one of the actors on the moon jesus take a knee so now that my kids are taken care of
04:04school-wise we can get back to focusing on cheer and our first football game on saturday they must
04:09be pumped i am pumped i can feel the excitement coming through the door oh brother on a cheer
04:19team the girls always sync up their periods and it's actually it's a good thing it's the way women
04:24bond i said stop breathing and i still hear breathing back there if i had my knuckles i'd you up
04:32it started way back in biblical times before there was book club and without fail the boys on the team
04:38act like they have never seen a woman on her period before lemon lime for you blue rash for you
04:50thank you
04:53where did you get this i keep a box in my locker for you ladies when it's that time of the month
04:59i grew up before older sisters now the girls on the team usually sync up with the coach
05:04it's like a hierarchical thing like how baby dolphins will match their breathing speed to their
05:09mothers boone and i watched a lot of nature documentaries when he was relearning his animals
05:14but this year i guess i'm gonna be syncing up with them that's a strong bunch
05:20i just always get a telltale pimple right here right before i'm probably gonna get it tonight
05:26i never miss it no matter how inconvenient i had a period pimple at prom a period pimple on cheer
05:32portrait day i even had this period pimple on our wedding day you know what let's draw her on the
05:38board let's track her there she is actually i'm gonna make her bigger because oh she big i'll give her
05:46some horns oh she angry and a tail because she's from the underworld
05:52boom oh plumber's here oh thank you look what came it's my new hd tv with blu-ray player ain't
06:03you pretty yeah and it's a write-off because it's for football but i think we can watch other stuff
06:08on it too how was your day it was fine but i wanted to ask you listen i wanted to ask you if you remember
06:17can you guys just give us a privacy just for just for a second thank you what's going on um do you
06:22remember when's the last time that we had sex but like full air it was your birthday 9 54 p.m it was
06:27unseasonably warm humidity about 71 when was coming out of the east 18 knots okay at least i think
06:34i'm pretty sure they have it on tape don't let the door kiss you i'm gonna go kiss her
06:38well my pimple is officially late and i can't be pregnant at daytona
06:50lord have i had a nickel for every time i heard that it's not that i don't want a baby i do i just
06:57and you may not believe me because i'm a little long in the tooth and i live in texas and women my
07:01age are on their great grandbabies by now but just something about me is if i'm gonna do something
07:06i'm not gonna do it halfway so i refuse to have half a baby when i'm at my new school focus on my
07:11new team lord deliver unto me a giant said amen i'm getting excited for this big game on saturday
07:18madonna oh you're right there what's our fight song mine is anything by glorilla i'm not talking
07:22about a real fight peaches i'm talking about like a fight song for a football game uh we don't have one
07:27what do you do when somebody scores a touchdown i think i'm usually sleep by then okay i am getting a
07:32little headache which always precedes my pimple but it also proceeds anytime i spend with the team
07:38so i don't really know what's going on apologies for me lady funny story there was a potent orange
07:47leak at the button factory yeah i did not have my glove so it did get on my skin which is no bueno
07:54kind of hurts actually anyways um locked myself out of my car which is where my shower stuff is so i
07:58showered here it's okay to be near me now unless you're on antibiotics that would be terrible
08:05okay go warm up sally and don't touch anybody of course totally sir marcus day two i'm out
08:16i'll be right back don't sneeze don't sneeze don't sneeze other way hon woo yup i got it yeah it's in
08:26there now okay go along oh oh yo my bad no worries man hey what the hell are those variety of tampons
08:40based on days and levels of flow so women don't have to worry about their periods slowing them down
08:45duh come out come out wherever you are
08:54um let me let y'all go it's late yeah you probably want to go home get some sleep thank you thank you
09:04babe
09:04my pimple's late oh huh you sure it's not brewing under there no well i cannot be pregnant right now
09:20boone that baby would be a leo they're so dramatic i'm not trying to have a dramatic person living in this
09:24house i think we should all take a breath and calm down see now if you would have told me to calm down
09:34and i was on my pimple i would have ripped your head clean off well baby i am sure you are not
09:40pregnant i mean i'm not totally sure you see after my uh injury i had an unintentional vasectomy
09:55but luckily they were able to reverse it through a 12-hour experimental surgery in fact
10:01where's here they let me keep the video of the surgery they also let me keep my testicle in a
10:07jar but courtney said i had to throw that out here follow me y'all are in for a treat thanks to my brand
10:14spanking new hd tv we can watch the surgery together in high definition and there it is touchdown gosh you
10:23can see every vein all right now you see this sort of spaghetti straw right there that's my urethra i know you
10:28want to be in junior and i do too just not now you know and not that name and not a leo i agree
10:36it is not the right time we are both far too busy and i think there's still a lot of time on the clock
10:41left for this pimple so why don't we order a greasy pizza because that's going to bring that sucker right
10:47out that's a good plan coach yes okay meat lovers yes please do y'all want some too i know you do
10:55would i love a baby boom junior of course i would but i know better than get ahead of myself
11:09all right we got spirit yes we do we got spirit how about you cramps are more than when i was
11:14punched in the stomach with a brick okay honey but you know what will make you feel better is when you
11:19get the spirit yeah yeah you get spirit yes you will sally you know they know hey demarcus hey hun is
11:28that for me thank you demarcus snacks is that big newton demarcus this this is a pregnancy test
11:37oh you didn't sync up when one of my sisters didn't sync up i became an uncle so okay this is highly
11:42inappropriate you need to be focusing on cheer and finding something you want to major in okay not me or my
11:47pimple which you know nothing about i am sorry i'll just go ahead take that back well it's fine
11:51now go and join your team mind your p's and q's got it coach
11:58well i might as well keep it he already spent money on it plus they are so fun to pee on
12:03yeah it's like a little game i'm gonna win
12:06i come from a long line of big bladder women my ancestors they had to travel over 400 miles on foot
12:32and hold their p before stopping in wichita flats to use the restroom and then settle in there so
12:37then all their descendants were born with large bladders in case it happened again and it does come in
12:42handy you know like when you go to the movies and want to get you a big gulp but times like this it
12:47really screws me don't mess with the best let's go b-u-t-t o-n-s roll buttons roll don't mess with the best
13:05let's pretend you're thirsty i can tell you feel weird in front of these football players i just
13:20want you to know what happens to all my male cheerleaders at first i just think you don't
13:23understand demarcus uh i think i do and there's no demarcus in self-conscious it do sound like a
13:29little bit let me hear you say it one more time demarcus you are the best athlete on this whole entire
13:33field now going out there and show them how it's done yep nope demarcus you're just gonna stand here
13:45and take that crap from these bozos i think it's pronounced bozo no the bozos are a family of baby
13:50bitches in my town and that's what you're being i really respect and appreciate your input i'm not on
13:55my period anymore why do you give me crap because you're being a big old weenie do not call me a weenie
14:00my four sisters and my two-year-old niece call me a weenie i don't like it okay well if you're not
14:07being a weenie why don't you go over there pick up zizi by her cute little booty and show these guys
14:12guys what a real cheerleader is okay i feel you boys
14:42let's go
14:56that's just good coaching let the beat go bang
15:13listen up baby let's go that's right give me demarcus
15:18go boy let's go boy
15:39actually can y'all give me a little space this is a private delicate lady thing
15:42i swear to jesus if you don't come out of there i'm gonna reach in and snatch you bald-headed
15:51excuse me i don't know where that angry woman went i she was really on one and i don't know
15:57what was wrong with her but my meemaw's my favorite person and i just got here
16:01what in heaven's gate
16:09sally why are you doing laundry on your car hon yes of course because it also happens to be my house
16:16does anybody else know about this or peaches yeah that is only because she stole it once
16:30okay yeah no i had no idea it was sally's house but that explains why there was
16:37a coffee pot and all these photos of sally i just thought that there was a serial killer and maybe she
16:41was next i probably should have should have told her oh sorry those go in the closet silly
16:52part of my breach
16:56i was so caught up with myself and missing my pimple that i missed all the signs are these all parking
17:01tickets yeah i keep oversleeping and then forgetting to move my car for street cleaning
17:06anyways um lock myself out of my car which is where my shower stuff is so i showered here
17:11that they were right there
17:19crazy sally are you cooking in your car that is very dangerous no i just have to remember to keep
17:24the windows open
17:30some kids need more than a coach they need a mama bear to give them direction all right got your pencil
17:37sharpened nobody uses pencils anymore okay just so you know there is nothing more masculine than knowing
17:44what a woman needs thank you coach hello students welcome to women's studies 101 our first lesson
17:54why women be crazy why women be crazy anyone and sometimes they need a home
18:01hey how'd it go i finally got her down i just read the back of a box of stovetop stuffing to her she was
18:18out like a light what you got your pimple oh there she is right after all that worrying for nothing what a relief
18:34you okay me yeah no i'm ecstatic i thought this is what you wanted i don't know what i want boone okay
18:45it's like it's complicated being a woman yeah there's that pimple she knows sandy billock is a leo
18:51she's a leo and she saved all those people from exploding on that bus and i think she was a hero and
18:58i think that courtney jr could have also been a hero sure she would have been although i don't think
19:04you can do junior with a girl i can do whatever i want who's gonna stop me you no i'm just a dumb
19:10man who says bad things at the wrong time baby i'm sorry no i'd like to withdraw my former statement
19:15i don't know what's gotten into me boone get in here you know why i'm so upset you know what kind
19:22of mother i'd be anyway i didn't even know sally was living in her car excuse me miss courtney potter
19:29you are going to be a wonderful mother you basically already are you are in the meantime instead of the
19:38pitter-patter little feet we're just gonna have to enjoy the pitter-patter of sally's size 10 feet
19:45are you sad man no because i know we'll have one when the time is right yeah yeah
19:59hey should we go check in on her yeah i would like that yeah me too me too
20:16just look at her cute as a speckled pup you know she likes to sleep sitting up yeah
20:25moving along lady i told her i would do that a couple of times at night it makes her feel at home
20:31it's what a good mama would do let's let her sleep
20:44why women be shopping
21:03why women be yapping
21:04why women be taking so long in the bathroom
21:12anyone other than demarcus
21:18mama look
21:23have you
21:36they do
21:37they do
21:38they do
21:40they do
21:41they do
21:42they do
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