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00:00Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
00:30Transcribed by —
01:00Transcribed by —
01:29enthusiastically. I twinged it. Old man. Oi. My old man. For your information the
01:43book's about a woman who finds herself living a life that everybody says she
01:48should want. Instead she... It's a comedy.
02:18I had a few in my head. Yeah. But that's still impressive. Yeah. No, I was
02:32still on Pac-Man. Yeah, I was.
02:48Why? What channel is it? You found it every week for the last billion years. I'm sure
02:56you can find it again. Don't be a bitter loser. All right. Give me the remote. It's a new
03:02girl. Moved into number 12. Well, woman. God, it's ages since anybody's moved into this
03:09street. She's got a little one. I didn't notice her husband, but he could have been one of
03:15the lads shifting stuff. God, we ought to go over and introduce ourselves. Introduce
03:24them to the neighbourhood. Yeah. Oh, because it could be our first place. It's comforting
03:31knowing that your neighbours are, you know, that they're cronies and that they're not
03:36going to have mad parties all in the middle of the night. Or that they've got a weird dog.
03:41Found it. Missed the garbage. Right. What are you going to buy? Well, I don't know. Whatever
03:48I said last week. Last week you said whatever I said last week. Well, maybe 10,000 weeks ago.
03:53I said something very wise. Doesn't sound like you. Well, I'll be trading you in for Carol
04:00Vorden then, obviously. Yeah. Well, maybe I'll just off you and take the money. Probably owe
04:08half of it to the tax man anyway. Maybe I'll just leave you. Take all the cash and see
04:16how long it takes me to get out of this town. You wouldn't be able to chase me. You wouldn't
04:24be invited. You probably wouldn't even notice I was gone. Oh, typical. Focus on making your
04:38tea. I didn't make myself one. Yeah, we'll definitely go over tomorrow. I know they'll be settling
04:45in and everything. But, you know, it's so bad. Somebody moving in instead of people
04:50moving out. I won't make a cake. Oh, God. It's years. Here comes the bonus ball. And it's
04:57number 25. Oh, okay, you. Just because you're champion. For goodness sake, bloody shut up,
05:02Edith. We've won. Edith. Edith. We've won. If this is some sort of a prank. Check the flipping
05:19ticket, woman. We've won. We've won. Yes! We've won. We've bloody won. 14 million pounds.
05:2814 million. Your shoulder. Other people might have one or three. Who cares? It doesn't
05:36matter if there's another three. We've won. We've won. We've won. Here. Of course,
05:43for some champagne. We've still got that winning champagne. You too. We've won. We've won.
05:49We're going to buy every diamond on the planet.
05:55We're going to buy every diamond on the planet.
06:17I don't think we can.
06:18Every diamond in Rolton's store.
06:21Come on, anything. Tell me. Anything.
06:22Oh, the only word I can think of is...
06:27What?
06:28Satsuma.
06:32Fourteen million satsumas for Queen Edith.
06:35I thought you said the taxman would take half.
06:37We'll put the taxman on the payroll.
06:39We'll put the taxman in a frilly maid's outfit, if you like.
06:42Oh, I like. I would like very much.
06:45Grab the glasses.
06:46Oh, yes, Your Majesty.
06:48We'll buy the crown jewels,
06:50and we'll buy a massive satsuma tiara for you
06:53and a new skeleton for me.
06:55Blessed Christ.
06:56Right.
06:57How do we get into this?
07:00Oh, God.
07:01This is...
07:03Edith.
07:04This is...
07:05We get to live.
07:08Anything we've ever wanted.
07:10Edith.
07:11We get to...
07:12A honeymoon.
07:14A honeymoon.
07:15Fifty-three years away,
07:16and we get a honeymoon somewhere correct.
07:19Oh, for years long.
07:21In house.
07:23And many thousands of them.
07:24Of land.
07:26Who have got anything.
07:29Oh, my God.
07:34Hey!
07:34Hey!
07:34you move any slower thistle oh sorry 40 million yes anything we want
07:47everything we want i want a divorce
07:55yeah hang on arthur there is no easy way to say this because
08:05i i do adore you i love you arthur
08:13i i want oh christ see it yes here bye bye
08:24oh the guys couldn't believe it every single one of them every single one
08:35said right the next round's on me cheap kids so i said yeah all right
08:41can you not dream bigger than the next round at the lion what
08:49oh i'm sorry
08:52more more more
08:55so this weekend hotel definitely the sea definitely more champagne
09:01arthur don't you think we should just talk about this properly i mean in a way
09:06that isn't ridiculous in a few days of course but for now let's just be a bit outlandish
09:12no now we can't do it like this do what win
09:23arthur
09:26arthur
09:26arthur
09:29oh god i don't love you but it's complicated
09:36but you are going to be all right
09:39right
09:53what on earth where's that purple thing you know the one that makes you a little bit
09:55like a very pretty quality street
10:14why are you trashing our room get dressed up
10:17outside in and all that oh come just come and sit and talk to me arthur you look so lovely in
10:25purple it's a royal color you know it's like your skin knew you were designed for finer things
10:31it's from peacocks here he is
10:40go on put it on
11:01no no i don't want any more you didn't change no i i don't want to wear it it makes me look like barney
11:15who bloody dinosaur oh listen i had a thought about next week we should hire a cook in
11:24and get some folks around ours frank and james and brian all the wives they're all your friends
11:31get a table out get some booze in we'll tell them to put the glad rags on because we only dress up
11:35to go to funerals arthur please will you just listen to me this is important now they'll want to
11:41know what we're going to spend it on so i reckon we should send a chunk to charity so we can say we
11:46have apparently they give you the choice to whether to go public can you even hear me the biggest
11:51question of all to rotenstall or not to rotenstall now i know you think i'm a small town boy
12:00and i am proudly but perhaps this should be our base and we should get somewhere else somewhere
12:07classy with sunshine oh and a waitrose would you just bloody listen to me for once arthur
12:15no look look love i know it's inconceivable look i know just let your brain hear it
12:24we won and we deserve it hey arthur
12:31i want a divorce
12:35you're what
12:46hi uh i'm jade i'm just moving in across the road oh hi jade i'm edith and this is arthur thistle
12:53hi um look i am sorry to come to you with an immediate ask but do you have to have any like
12:59sturdy bags my movies have gone and and i'm just realizing that boxes don't have vandals and i don't
13:06have biceps i just don't want to introduce myself to the road with all my crap clogging up the path so
13:11oh my god sorry that's kaylee no worry at all come on in okay it's all right kaylee
13:22can we make you a tea oh that's uh lovely but honestly i'm like 90 tea at this point so
13:27can i have a lemonade kaylee manners i'm sure i've got a bottle hidden in the bottom of the cupboard
13:33that's really nice but you don't have to no it's no bother hayley what do you say can i have eyes
13:41not that kid knows what she likes i promise i have taught her please and thank you she's just
13:48so is it just the two of you moving in then if that's not a rude question it is yeah just does not
13:56not really my uh my mum lives uh up here so it's just just nice to have a bit more rem support you
14:03know a bit more time with nana brie labour your accent darby nearly newark nottingham ish yeah but
14:13i was born around here just moved away when i was quite young oh well welcome back thank you there you
14:19are so is it just been the two of you from the beginning then from the start that's tough not really
14:28oh it can be yeah but but you know not any harder than any other life her dad's a complete oxygen
14:36bandit so you know kind of lad they put instructions on shampoo for so that wasn't a huge loss and i don't
14:42know i just i think we make a good pair eh bud yeah so i mean like it can be hard you know hence us
14:49moving back here but it would have been harder if we stayed it's got to keep making moves all gray
14:57gardens are you sorry are you celebrating what's the occasion oh no occasion no oh right didn't realize
15:06that's how we were living up here in lancashire no no we uh we saw you moving in and you were celebrating
15:13me moving in sort of it made us think about when we moved in oh no we got all nostalgic that's our
15:22wedding champagne oh that's lovely when when was that 53 years ago next month wow well congratulations
15:32yeah it explains the um well we will leave you to celebrate uh if i get all the bags sorry right
15:41shall we try this again then what do we say kaylee thank you a lot very much very well thank you a lot
15:48very much absolutely i'll get these back to you as soon as we do no rush come on you see you thanks cheers cheers
16:11you
16:21you don't get a choice
16:26there's a way of doing this we're not doing this
16:30but we are
16:31and all i'm saying is we try civility and calmness you want me to be calm we just won the
16:41bloody lottery and not about the money what we can split it 50 50
16:54is there somebody else
16:55of course not running off into the sun's house some brat called fabio
17:05who the hell is fabio you tell me oh god of course there's not somebody else
17:09who the hell is
17:22why didn't you talk to me
17:31okay
17:42okay
17:44okay
17:45you want
17:55you want me to talk to you about my feelings is that what you want is that what you think i should
18:00do
18:02well open that god damn door
18:10it's not here
18:11where did you put it that room should not exist
18:16i never wanted to keep it all this time walking past that lot like sodding guards
18:23you you kept us prisoner here
18:25i never kept you anything you put the lock on the door
18:30well what was i supposed to do listen we're talking about this and you were realizing that
18:35you're being stupid
18:37oh excuse me
18:40after 50 years of monosyllabic grunts if i don't try and talk on your terms
18:46give over
18:48arthur this is the most you have ever spoken in years
18:52you have said more words today than ever ever
18:57because i'm happily
18:59oh so what were you before then
19:01well look happy you don't eat it i was happy you were happy if you'd just keep still for a second
19:09all we do is bloody stand still
19:11that's not true it's not true
19:14arthur i am currently searching for a key to a room in my house that has been locked for 50 years
19:23well if that's not standing very sodding still i don't know what is
19:27years years and years of pretending it's not there trying to train your eyes not to see it
19:3550 years of not even talking about no
19:43you don't want to listen you do not want to understand nothing to understand you've lost your
19:49mind it'll come back to you oh so where have all your new words gone
19:53would it have made any difference if we'd spoke then
19:58huh would you still be leaving now
20:02well i don't know how to answer that
20:04no because the answer's no because we didn't
20:14you should have left then
20:15that's an awful thing to say that was the worst feeling that a person could feel agreed
20:28of course agreed yes but but today when no numbers came out it was the opposite it was all good how many
20:37years have we waited how many years have we waited to feel all good it's a lovely life
20:43but yes a life of worry and a life of bargain hunting but
20:52you want to leave now i'd have understood if you'd left then i'd have hated it but i'd have
20:57no one not now it's not now we should let it be all good
21:09arthur it was never all good it happened
21:16but today something new happened something different and why not why not do something different now
21:36why not
21:39what all these years of worrying about you trying to keep you afloat keeping you
21:44with all this money you will be fine i thought it wasn't about the money
21:48oh god i just want to be in the real world
21:52sound like a sodding greeting card now
22:00didn't listen then won't listen now
22:02we could try doing something different try and understand each other i can't understand a mad woman
22:20it's just i'm ready i think i've been ready for a long time it's not about the money it's not about you
22:29you i am the one you're leaving oh
22:34shit
22:40i've been a good husband i've done everything right i've loved you i've never hit you kept us safe
22:46i could draw a map of rotten stone every house every road every person who ever lived or died on that
23:02road every pot hole every alley small town for small people but i don't blame you for that it's
23:14we get old people stop noticing you this stop asking you to participate but god arthur
23:24we have been so old for so long
23:31well i've never thought of you as old
23:35really i never have
23:37i've always thought of you still as that wild girl on our first date
23:41i have to put my birthday on the calendar every year like you can remember our first date blackpool
23:55blackpool
24:04blackpool and you said we never traveled
24:08yeah i was so nervous
24:11you never were
24:12i was because i hate roller coasters and you were set on the big dipper
24:17you should have said what were i going to do stand at the bottom holding your bag
24:21well maybe i'd have liked you watching me being all brave oh i watched you
24:27i didn't want you looking at me white as a sheet holding in a sick
24:32that's why i didn't kiss you
24:35and uh i suggested that restaurant because i'd asked the lads at the site
24:41where to take a nice girl for dinner like those lads knew any nice girls
24:46uh-huh and you waved that aside and said no you wanted fish and chips when i walk on the seafront
24:55and i i thought i want to grow old with her my lancashire lass
25:04we did
25:06grew old together in lancashire
25:10yeah
25:14but what now arthur
25:18go on then
25:21we'll cash up seven million each we'll divorce
25:26and what then what's your big bountiful life going to be then
25:31study
25:37what
25:39psychology i've always found that interesting
25:43media
25:46waves of feminism that i've missed or miss me
25:51i'd go to london i'd go and see shows
25:54those not musicals plays i want to see lots of different plays
26:00and i'd like to see plays in languages that i didn't understand and i'd be sitting in the best
26:05seats eating food that has to be explained to me
26:12and i
26:12i'd buy a house
26:17no bungalow no no
26:20a cottage by the sea
26:23and the local kids would think i was a mad bat or a witch
26:28and i'd live alone and
26:32i'd sit
26:34watching the waves
26:37it's 14 million for christ's sake go for a yoga retreat and then come and meet me at the
26:42yacht
26:54i'll tear it up i'll rip it into shreds and you can watch no you won't
26:59you won't
27:03you never do anything
27:12you don't
27:14you don't
27:18odd
27:20oh
27:22Let's go.
27:52Have you blamed me?
28:22Do you remember painting this?
28:46Of course.
28:52I know we did, but it's a little bit so have you?
29:01What?
29:02Blame me all this time.
29:06Is that what this is?
29:08No, not at all.
29:14Because you barely looked at me.
29:19I could hardly look at anything.
29:24I could hardly lift my head up.
29:27I couldn't acknowledge another day in the house with a room that was locked.
29:37No.
29:38I thought you blamed me.
29:46You blamed me.
29:51How?
29:54Because I wasn't here.
29:59The one night I, the one time I, anyway, that's how it felt.
30:09Well, I didn't.
30:10Well, that's how it felt.
30:12And how would I know the difference?
30:14Because we never spoke about it.
30:18What was it that was speaking about it now?
30:22Oh.
30:23Good job we didn't rush the conversation.
30:28It's only taken 50 years.
30:31And the win on the sodding lottery.
30:34Oh.
30:35Oh.
30:36And she was so, she was so, I was happy because she was sleeping.
30:50I was so happy she was sleeping.
30:52I thought, finally, she's over it.
30:53All those nights, no silence, no sleep.
31:03Finally done.
31:04Bags under our eyes, finally gone.
31:07And, uh, I even came in here to see her and, uh, I thought my angel sleeping so sound, finally.
31:34And if she did, she was so peaceful.
31:37And I thought, I can't wait to tell Edith that she slept the whole night through.
31:45I thought she was going to be proper proud of me getting our, our girl to sleep the whole
31:54night through.
31:57And then somewhere in the night, it was just too quiet.
32:04I'm sorry I locked the room.
32:10I am.
32:11I just thought, uh, I thought it, I thought we decided that it was best.
32:17I don't think I've decided one thing in the whole of my life.
32:24What are you talking about?
32:26Oh.
32:27Come on.
32:30If I'd have made any decisions, this, or if you and I had made choices, this room wouldn't
32:38exist.
32:39It, it, it would have been a, it would have been a library or a sewing room or a guest room
32:50or, and we'd have tried again.
32:57We'd have made that choice to try again.
33:01Move forward.
33:03We could have adopted.
33:04We could have had IVF.
33:07IVF?
33:08That was barely about.
33:10Oh, not immediately, but what I'm saying is down the line.
33:15We could have, we could have left.
33:20I could have worked.
33:22You could have found things, hobbies.
33:25Well, if, if you had, if I had, would that make you want to be here more?
33:34Oh, Christy, don't listen to me.
33:41I'm saying, do not tell me that I made a decision to do this.
33:52I have stood still for 50 years while the world turned and grew and forgot about me.
34:01And you, you don't end up in a house with a room like this by...
34:15You don't end up like this by making bad decisions.
34:21You end up this way by making none.
34:31You'll be leaving her behind too.
34:34She isn't here.
34:37Erin hasn't been here for 50 years.
34:43If I leave and you stay, it will be just you.
34:54She is not here.
34:58It will be just you.
35:02No!
35:22Isn't this what you want?
35:24It is what you want.
35:26No!
35:27I can't see!
35:28Arthur, Arthur, I need you!
35:32Arthur, Arthur.
35:34I need you.
35:35Okay, Arthur.
35:36Oh, I need you.
35:37Arthur, Arthur.
35:39Oh, I need you.
35:41Arthur, Arthur.
35:42I need you.
35:46But I need me too.
35:48Me too.
35:49Oh.
35:50Oh.
35:58Right, come back here.
35:59Edith, what on earth's got into you?
36:02You need you.
36:03Yeah.
36:04Get off me.
36:05Get off me.
36:06You'll have anything you want with me.
36:07You'll be alone.
36:08You'll be alone.
36:09Just give me the ticket back.
36:11No.
36:12Get off me.
36:13No.
36:14Give it back to me.
36:16Let go.
36:17I don't want to hurt you.
36:27Well?
36:30Who's going to stab me then?
36:31Are you going to whack me over the head with a frying pan?
36:39Bloody hell.
36:46I thought you were going to kill me.
36:49I thought I was going to kill you.
36:51Well, you did say it off me if we won.
36:57So.
36:59So.
37:03So, we sleep on it.
37:09No.
37:10I don't understand.
37:11Rock.
37:12Paper.
37:13Scissors.
37:14Arthur.
37:15Arthur.
37:16We can go back to bashing each other till one of us trips and dies on our own trouser
37:20legs.
37:21I don't understand.
37:22Rock.
37:23Paper.
37:24Scissors.
37:25Arthur.
37:26We can go back to bashing each other till one of us trips and dies on our own trouser
37:28legs.
37:29Or we can go back to talking about everything and nothing.
37:30Or we can play rock.
37:31Paper.
37:32Scissors.
37:33I don't understand.
37:34Rock.
37:35Paper.
37:36Scissors.
37:37I don't understand.
37:38Rock.
37:39Paper.
37:40Scissors.
37:41Arthur.
37:42We can go back to bashing each other till one of us trips and dies on our own trouser
37:45leg.
37:46Or we can go back to talking about everything and nothing.
37:49Or we can play rock.
37:52Paper.
37:53Scissors.
37:54Or.
37:55No.
37:56Arthur.
37:57There are no other options.
38:02If you win?
38:0550-50.
38:08If I win?
38:11If you win, you get the lot.
38:14And you stay?
38:20You've got great odds.
38:22Good track record.
38:24On go.
38:26One.
38:27Two.
38:28Three.
38:29Oh.
38:30Hello Jade.
38:31Are you okay?
38:32Yeah, Kayleigh.
38:33Just stole your tumbler.
38:34Wanted to give it back.
38:35Oh.
38:36Are you alright?
38:37Oh.
38:38Oh.
38:39Hello Jade.
38:40Are you okay?
38:41Yeah.
38:42Kayleigh.
38:43Stole your tumbler.
38:44Wanted to give it back.
38:45Oh.
38:46Are you alright?
38:47Oh.
38:48Sorry.
38:49Yes.
38:50Yes.
38:51Um.
38:52It's just been a bit of an odd evening.
38:53Well, I will leave you to your odd evening.
38:54Jade.
38:55Yeah.
38:56Can I ask you a question?
38:57Um.
38:58What's next for you?
38:59Next for you in your life?
39:00Are you excited about what's next?
39:01Oh.
39:02Sorry.
39:03Yes.
39:04Yes.
39:05Um.
39:06It's just been a bit of an odd evening.
39:08Well, I will leave you to your odd evening.
39:11Jade.
39:12Yeah.
39:13Can I ask you a question?
39:16Yeah, of course.
39:18Um.
39:19What's next for you?
39:23Next for you in your life?
39:26Are you excited about what's next?
39:29I mean, Kaye started a new school.
39:33So that means a new friend.
39:35Soon enough I will be desperately boring.
39:39And I don't think I mind.
39:42I'm excited to get myself back.
39:46I'm not naive enough to think that there are not other people my age who are living different,
39:52more visibly fun lives.
39:54But don't get me wrong, you know, I didn't imagine that I would be back where I was born
39:58with a daughter and...
40:00But it's never boring.
40:03So where is little one now?
40:06Oh, God knows.
40:07Climbing up a lamppost.
40:08A child.
40:09Feral.
40:10But at least I got that right.
40:12Like, every time she runs, she runs as fast as she can.
40:18I don't think I did that when I was a kid.
40:21That was for boys.
40:22We were...
40:23Skip, like all delicate, but...
40:26But she runs.
40:28Like...
40:29She Usain Bolt runs.
40:32I'm just trying to follow her lead.
40:38What's next for you?
40:42Oh, um...
40:45I don't think anybody's ever asked me that since.
40:53Anyway, thank you so much for this.
40:56Yes.
40:57Feel good?
40:58Anytime.
40:59Okay.
41:00I'm so sorry.
41:01I'm so sorry, Edith.
41:02I did it because I love you.
41:03And if the choice is you and struggle or wealth, I'm so sorry, Edith.
41:21I did it because I love you.
41:22And if the choice is you and struggle or wealth, I'm sorry you wanted me to do something.
41:31And there's no other way.
41:32There's no other...
41:33Oh.
41:34I have to make you another tea.
41:35What?
41:36Oh.
41:37Oh.
41:38Oh.
41:39Oh.
41:40Oh.
41:41Oh.
41:42Oh.
41:43Oh.
41:44Oh.
41:45Oh.
41:46Oh.
41:47Oh.
41:48Oh.
41:49Oh.
41:50Oh.
41:51Oh.
41:52Oh.
41:53Oh.
41:54Oh.
41:55Oh.
41:56Oh.
41:57Oh.
41:58Oh.
41:59Oh.
42:00Oh.
42:01Oh.
42:02Oh.
42:03Oh.
42:04Oh.
42:05Oh.
42:06Oh.
42:07Oh.
42:08Oh.
42:09Oh.
42:10Oh.
42:11Oh.
42:12Oh.
42:13Oh.
42:14Oh.
42:15Oh.
42:16Oh.
42:17Oh.
42:18Oh.
42:19We can talk some more, we can make that room into a room.
42:40I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
42:46I'm sorry.
42:53I'm sorry.
42:59I'm sorry.
43:04I'm sorry.
43:09I'm sorry.
43:16I'm sorry.
43:23I'm sorry.
43:30I'm sorry.
43:37I'm sorry.
43:39I'm sorry.
43:46I'm sorry.
43:48I'm sorry.
43:58I'm sorry.
44:11I'm sorry.
44:24Are you all right?
44:26I'm sorry.
44:39I'm sorry.
44:52I'm sorry.
44:54I'm sorry.
44:56I'm sorry.
45:01I'm sorry.
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24:48
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24:50
37:17
36:34
36:24
35:35
1:27:32
40:47
38:30
40:21
53:57
36:27
40:19
40:22
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