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Sam Pang Tonight Season 2 Episode 5br br RealityRealmUSbr Reality Realm USbr br Please subscribe to our official channel to watch the full movie for free as soon as possible Reality Insight Hubbr Official Channel httpswwwdailymotioncomTheVisionFramebr THANK YOU br
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Short filmTranscript
00:00It's something for segment five.
00:01I've got my impersonations.
00:02Malcolm Turnbull?
00:03Good on you, Sam. You're a great guy and a great constituent.
00:06My favourite month of the year is February.
00:09Anyone else?
00:10Bournie? Shane Bourne?
00:12Ha-ha! Sensational stuff. Thank God you're here.
00:15I was in City Homicide.
00:17I love you, Bournie, but it is 2025.
00:20What about Sam Pang? He's one of the greats.
00:23I believe he's one of the best people saying it.
00:25He's sensational.
00:26I don't even know who that is.
00:27That's fake news.
00:28Anyone else?
00:29I can do the President of China.
00:32You can do Xi Jinping.
00:33Accent and...
00:34No, no.
00:36Anyone else?
00:41Who is that?
00:42Rob Harris.
00:43We're going to need something for seg five.
00:44Three, four, timey kangaroo down.
00:48Four, timey kangaroo down.
00:50All together now.
00:53Live across Australia, this is Sam Pang tonight.
00:57And now, here's your host, Mr. Sam Pang.
01:02Whoa!
01:06Hello, how are you?
01:09How are you guys?
01:14Thank you very much for coming.
01:17Where are we?
01:18Good evening, and firstly, a big welcome to my special guest announcer, my friend, Mr. Lawrence
01:27Mooney.
01:30Thank you, Sam.
01:31Good to see you, Lawrence.
01:32It's so nice to be here.
01:35Series two, episode five.
01:36We...
01:37I thought we were closer.
01:39Because you have...
01:41And this is a fact, you've emceed two of my weddings.
01:47And you've left it till now.
01:50And thank you, because it hasn't been great up until now.
01:52So, you've just been breaking it in.
01:54No, I...
01:55I know it is...
01:58I feel bad that it's taken this long to have you on.
02:01You're, you know, a close personal friend of mine.
02:03And it is a miracle, considering how clear your schedule is.
02:08But welcome, because you're here tonight.
02:11And it's been a big week of news and a massive week for everyone's favourite mineral,
02:16zirconium.
02:17That's right.
02:17Yeah!
02:19Zirconium!
02:20Zirconium!
02:21One for the fans of the periodic table over there.
02:28That's good.
02:29That's right.
02:30A Four Corners report found Australia is China's main supplier for zirconium,
02:34a mineral vital in the production of nuclear weapons.
02:38So, it's a healthy relationship, by the way.
02:40We are China's biggest supplier of zirconium.
02:42And China is our biggest supplier of cars, electronics and storylines for Bondi Rescue.
02:48LAUGHTER
02:49Not that hard, just swim between the flags.
02:56Hey, Lawrence, any thoughts about zirconium?
03:00People called me an idiot when I started hoarding zirconium, Sam.
03:05LAUGHTER
03:05Well, now the laugh's on them.
03:08Zirconium, my own urine and plastic bags.
03:11I'm the winner.
03:12LAUGHTER
03:12And people often ask me if you're writing a manifesto.
03:18It wouldn't be a week without royal news,
03:21and in a refreshing change of pace, we're actually talking about a different royal.
03:25That's right.
03:26Princess Anne has touched down in Australia, and she's here for two reasons.
03:30One, for Remembrance Day, and two, huge Oasis fan.
03:34LAUGHTER
03:35Princess Anne will also be doing official visits in Queensland and Victoria.
03:43She's here on behalf of the royal family as part of the Are We All Good Tour?
03:48LAUGHTER
03:49It makes sense, by the way, especially after this week's push to rename a street in Melbourne
03:54called Prince Andrew Avenue.
03:56This is true.
03:57That street is going to be renamed.
03:59And a little-known fact, that's actually the only street in the world
04:02where the speed limit is 16.
04:05LAUGHTER
04:05Here's one of the residents sharing her insights on the matter.
04:14If the majority wants to change it, there's nothing I can do about it.
04:19Anyway, I'm not going to be here for that long anyway.
04:21LAUGHTER
04:22Some big television news this week,
04:29with the government introducing new legislation
04:32forcing streaming services to make Australian shows.
04:35That's great news.
04:36Remotes will now come with a dedicated Asher Keddie button.
04:39LAUGHTER
04:40I loved her in The Offspring.
04:45LAUGHTER
04:46That's not the name of that show, is it?
04:50It's just Offspring.
04:51OK.
04:52You should be ashamed of yourself.
04:55I've actually got a suggestion for Disney+, by the way.
04:58They should continue to expand the Star Wars universe
05:00with this new one, the Pang-de-lorien, by the way.
05:04LAUGHTER
05:05And accompanied, of course, by Baby Yoda,
05:09played by this promising up-and-coming comedian.
05:12LAUGHTER
05:13End of my career, I am at.
05:17LAUGHTER
05:18I'll do anything for a quid, Sam.
05:21That's why I'm here.
05:22Yep, I'm well aware.
05:23But it's a great, some great ideas and...
05:27I've got an idea.
05:28For new shows?
05:29Yeah, absolutely.
05:30What do you got?
05:30Well, instead of Crime Stoppers, Crime Starters.
05:34LAUGHTER
05:34It's just following me around with a brick.
05:38LAUGHTER
05:39OK.
05:43Any others?
05:44Um, what about...
05:46And stick with me here, Sam.
05:47What about Sam Pang Tonight, but hosted by Hamish Blake?
05:50LAUGHTER
05:51No, I think he'd be good.
05:54Hamish is a very talented man, but I'm not sure he could pull this off.
05:59LAUGHTER
05:59Well, he does, behind your back.
06:01LAUGHTER
06:02And he does the eyes as well.
06:04Wow, OK.
06:05That's...
06:06Like I said, a talented man.
06:09LAUGHTER
06:10Now, in some North Korean news, Kim Yong-nam,
06:13who served under three dictators,
06:15has died in an unprecedented manner for North Korea.
06:19Natural causes.
06:20LAUGHTER
06:21What?
06:22I know.
06:23There he is there at the age of 97.
06:25I know what you're thinking.
06:26Why is it always the hot ones to go first?
06:29LAUGHTER
06:30Now, Kim Jong-un...
06:31Yes.
06:31..readily kills people.
06:33Without a doubt.
06:33Especially if you're an uncle.
06:35But...
06:35LAUGHTER
06:36But his hairdresser is still alive.
06:38I mean, go figure.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:41LAUGHTER
06:41I think yours will be joining him pretty soon too, by the way.
06:46LAUGHTER
06:47The list of Grammy nominees was released on the weekend
06:53and I'm happy to say it's finally happened.
06:56That's right.
06:57The Dalai Lama is up for a Grammy.
06:59LAUGHTER
06:59Yes!
07:00Lama!
07:00Lama!
07:01Lama!
07:02Lama!
07:03Lama!
07:04Lama!
07:05Lama!
07:05Lama!
07:06Lama!
07:06Come on.
07:07Come on, Lama.
07:08It's always good to have a horse in the race.
07:11LAUGHTER
07:11This is Real News.
07:12He's been nominated in the category of Best Audiobook Narration.
07:17Now, if he wins, I would keep an eye out on Kanye storming the stage
07:20and yelling,
07:22Yo, Lama, I'm going to let you finish,
07:23but Mein Kampf is the best audiobook of all time.
07:26LAUGHTER
07:27Just keep an eye out for that one.
07:31The fallout to the Louvre heist continues
07:33with the revelations about the museum's security password.
07:37A security audit at Paris' Louvre Museum in the wake of the heist
07:41has revealed the password for the museum's surveillance system
07:45was simply Louvre.
07:47LAUGHTER
07:48How did that password even get accepted?
07:53LAUGHTER
07:54No matter how many numbers and special characters I try,
07:57it always says too short and too weak.
07:59LAUGHTER
08:00Which, to be honest...
08:02..to be honest, always feels like a bit of a personal attack,
08:05to be honest.
08:05LAUGHTER
08:06Now, just imagine that Louvre...
08:09..imagine the Louvre setting up that security system.
08:11Let's play it out here.
08:12Did you do the password?
08:14Why?
08:14Sure, I have, yes.
08:16And you've got the...
08:17..maybe in the accent?
08:18No.
08:20LAUGHTER
08:20So not the Indian accent that I just did?
08:22LAUGHTER
08:22You've got the capital L?
08:25Yes.
08:25Yeah, the capital L.
08:27It's in there, Sam.
08:28It's lunchtime.
08:30Come on, let's wrap this up.
08:31You don't want to do the one, two or three afterwards?
08:34No, no, no, no, no.
08:35No, Louvre is fine.
08:36The baguettes are on me.
08:39LAUGHTER
08:39Let's...
08:39Let's skedaddle.
08:41LAUGHTER
08:42It's French, Sam.
08:43Hard...
08:44..hard to believe that went worse in rehearsal.
08:47LAUGHTER
08:48And yet we still did it, Moon.
08:50In some showbiz news, 79-year-old singer Cher
08:53has hit back at criticism over the 40-year-old age gap
08:56with her boyfriend.
08:58Alexander Edwards is his name.
09:00And the 39-year-old boyfriend defended himself,
09:03saying he's a big MILF guy.
09:05LAUGHTER
09:06As in, man, I love funerals.
09:09LAUGHTER
09:09Because she's going to die soon.
09:14LAUGHTER
09:15If...
09:15LAUGHTER
09:16If only she could turn back time.
09:20LAUGHTER
09:20Shoot my lights out.
09:23I'm shooting the lights out.
09:25Staying in Hollywood, and after eight years,
09:30Meghan Markle is making a return to acting
09:32in a soon-to-be-released rom-com.
09:34Her previous work, of course, includes Suits,
09:37an appearance in the movie Get Him to the Greek,
09:39and, in my opinion, her greatest performance,
09:41pretending he'd be sad at the Queen's funeral.
09:43LAUGHTER
09:44LAUGHTER
09:46And to finish...
09:50LAUGHTER
09:51Some sporting news, the ex-wife of NFL star Matt Khalil
09:55has confessed that their marriage ended in part due
09:58to the size of his penis.
09:59Apparently...
10:00Apparently, he was simply too big.
10:04In some unrelated news...
10:06LAUGHTER
10:08..in some unrelated news,
10:09how's your marriage, Moon?
10:11LAUGHTER
10:12It's going strong, Sam.
10:14LAUGHTER
10:14Couldn't be better.
10:16Excellent.
10:17We've got a great show coming up.
10:19Lawrence Mooney will be joining us for the whole show.
10:21I chat to Eddie Izzard and Lord Ian Botham.
10:24APPLAUSE
10:25Sam, to the diary room.
10:33LAUGHTER
10:34Sam, you've been reluctant to promote our show.
10:40Why?
10:41I'll tell you why, big brother.
10:42Because cross-promotion is not my deal.
10:44Or no deal, Monday to Friday, 7 o'clock,
10:46we're not here on 10th.
10:47LAUGHTER
10:48Jeez, big brother, have you been paying attention?
10:50For returning next year.
10:52Sam, what do you think of the chair?
10:55She's not bad, big brother.
10:57Quite like it.
10:58I have been having some issues with the guest chair on my show.
11:02Actually.
11:05LAUGHTER
11:05LAUGHTER
11:06Sam?
11:11Yes, big brother?
11:11What are you looking for?
11:13I'm looking for Ed Cabley's career.
11:15I feel like I'm in a concessional booth.
11:17Sometimes when I'm at the supermarket,
11:19I squeeze all the avocados,
11:21and then I don't buy any of them.
11:22LAUGHTER
11:23And when I say sometimes,
11:25I mean all the time.
11:26Hey, big brother, do you do requests?
11:28Not a chance.
11:29What about Sylvester Stallone in Rocky?
11:31That's a hard pass.
11:32Didn't you do Julia Roberts in the bookstore in Notting Hill?
11:35LAUGHTER
11:35I am also just a girl
11:38standing in front of a boy,
11:40asking him to love her.
11:42Yes.
11:43Anything else, big brother?
11:44By the way,
11:46Ed Cabley is my absolute favourite
11:48on Have You Been Paying Attention?
11:50Fuck you, big brother.
11:51Boom, boom.
11:54LAUGHTER
11:54Boom.
11:57Welcome back!
11:59You're watching Hamish Blake tonight!
12:01APPLAUSE
12:02Thank you, Lawrence.
12:06Big brother house.
12:07Big thrill.
12:07So, you went...
12:09Is it still a dream world?
12:10Yes, it is a dream world.
12:12And tell me, what happened there?
12:13Did you meet some of the big brother contestants?
12:16Did you meet big brother?
12:17What goes on?
12:18Well, I went into the diary room, as you saw.
12:20What is that?
12:21Is it a hamburger or a mouth or...
12:23LAUGHTER
12:24If you look...
12:26What is that?
12:27If you look closely,
12:28it looks like something else, by the way.
12:30LAUGHTER
12:30No, I looked closely.
12:32LAUGHTER
12:33I'm not going to lie,
12:35going into that room,
12:36my IQ dropped by 35 points
12:38straight away, by the way.
12:39It was brutal.
12:40But, no, it was a big thrill
12:41to sit in the same chair as, you know,
12:42Hot Dog and...
12:44LAUGHTER
12:45Oh!
12:45..and other people I can't remember.
12:49LAUGHTER
12:49Hot Dog went on to a great career.
12:50Was it The Vault that Hot Dog used to host?
12:52Really?
12:54I think so.
12:54LAUGHTER
12:55You're young, Sam.
12:57You wouldn't remember.
12:57Hey, um...
12:58You know, it's wonderful that you're here, Lawrence.
13:00Finally.
13:01LAUGHTER
13:06How is it at the moment?
13:06Yeah, that's right.
13:07I live in Barrel.
13:08Yeah, so how's life in...
13:09Barrel.
13:09How's life in...
13:10Are you doing it as Malcolm Turnbull?
13:11I'm doing it as Malcolm Turnbull.
13:12How's life in Barrel?
13:13It's terrific.
13:14I love life in Barrel.
13:16I live a little bit south of Barrel,
13:17but that's the town most people know
13:18because that's the town that Don Bradman grew up in,
13:22the famous Don.
13:23So there's a bit of Don Bradman tourism.
13:25You can go to the museum and see the water tank
13:27that he used to hit the golf ball against.
13:30And, um...
13:31LAUGHTER
13:36But if you are, I implore you to go,
13:40but if you do go to Barrel and you go to the Coles there,
13:43be very careful if you go into the Coles car park
13:46because you're taking your life in your hands.
13:48LAUGHTER
13:49Now, it's an ageing population
13:50and some of those people shouldn't be in cars.
13:53LAUGHTER
13:54And you might be walking out with your shopping,
13:55you see that little Toyota Corolla,
13:57the brake lights come on, the reverse lights,
14:00you think there's no-one in it,
14:01there's no-one in the car!
14:02And then you see a little grey dome over the windowsill
14:06and a set of talons on the steering wheel.
14:08LAUGHTER
14:08They're like newborns, Sam.
14:12They haven't got the strength to hold their own heads up there.
14:16LAUGHTER
14:16Here's a clue.
14:19Yeah.
14:19Uh...
14:20When your eyes are so bad
14:22that you start trying to see with your mouse...
14:24LAUGHTER
14:25..stop driving.
14:29Sometimes it's like they don't even look anymore,
14:32just straight into reverse
14:33and they're ploughing over one another,
14:35sometimes straight into drive through the window of Priceline.
14:39LAUGHTER
14:40The family in there hiding behind the Maybelline counter,
14:42they are traumatised, so...
14:44LAUGHTER
14:44You've been warned.
14:46Yes, we've been warned.
14:47Hey, so how did you end up...
14:49Like, we've known each other a long time.
14:50We met in the city.
14:51How did you end up living in the country?
14:53I was tricked into it by my wife.
14:54LAUGHTER
14:55She wanted me to get away from bad influences.
14:58That's...
14:59Women are five years ahead in the planning.
15:01They all are.
15:02We don't know what's happening tomorrow, most men.
15:04But, um...
15:05And the great thing is women give you the impression
15:07that you're part of the decision-making process.
15:11And, uh...
15:12Cos I've said, how did we end up in the country?
15:13She's like, you've always wanted to live in the country!
15:16LAUGHTER
15:16Silly!
15:20It's gaslighting, Sam.
15:21Yep.
15:21And now I am living on a prison farm for low-level offenders.
15:25LAUGHTER
15:26And hello to Prince Andrew, if he's watching.
15:31It's a beautiful place.
15:33It is a beautiful place, yeah.
15:34It's a beautiful place where you stay.
15:35I've been there a few times.
15:37You have been there?
15:38Yeah.
15:38Did you enjoy yourself?
15:39No, I did not.
15:40No.
15:41I like running water.
15:42Yeah.
15:44No, the well can really freeze up in the mornings.
15:47And not having to kill my dinner.
15:49Yeah.
15:49But, uh, it's...
15:51I wanted to ask you this.
15:52How do you spend your days?
15:54Well, Sam...
15:55In the country.
15:55Let me, uh...
15:56Let me quote from Banjo Patterson, if you will.
15:59LAUGHTER
16:00In my wild erratic fancy,
16:02I have visions of Clancy.
16:04Droven down the Lachlan,
16:05where the Western drovers go,
16:07with the stock slowly stringing,
16:09Clancy rides behind them singing,
16:11for the drover's life has pleasures
16:13that the town folk never know.
16:16LAUGHTER
16:17You really are a bumpkin now, aren't you?
16:25You've really gone all country.
16:27That was...
16:27That's beautiful.
16:28Thank you very much.
16:29I could do the whole thing,
16:30but you don't want me to do that.
16:32No, I do not.
16:34LAUGHTER
16:34Have you, uh...
16:35Speaking of that beautiful recital,
16:37have you done any droving?
16:39I'm not going to lie,
16:40I don't really know what droving is.
16:42LAUGHTER
16:42Uh, droving is basically herding cattle together
16:46to take them to market
16:47or to move them on to greener pasture.
16:50But, uh, no, I don't do droving,
16:51I do...
16:52I do driving.
16:53LAUGHTER
16:54To the Bundanoon Hotel,
16:56and then I pick my car up the next day.
16:58So...
16:59LAUGHTER
17:00There's Laurence Mooney with The Country Report.
17:05There you go, Laurence.
17:06Yee-haw!
17:07APPLAUSE
17:07Now, it is a packed show
17:11with Lord Ian Botham and Eddie Izzard coming up.
17:13But first, as you know,
17:14I'm a man of the people.
17:16LAUGHTER
17:17No, you're...
17:17No, you're not.
17:20LAUGHTER
17:20I like to connect...
17:21You hate the people.
17:21LAUGHTER
17:22I love the people.
17:24I like to connect with real Australians.
17:27But running...
17:28Settle down over there, that's OK.
17:29LAUGHTER
17:29But running around with a...
17:32Running around the street with a microphone,
17:33that's beneath me, I'll admit that.
17:35So once again, it's time for my hit segment,
17:37Man on the Seat,
17:38where this week we're tackling immigration
17:40by asking people mostly real questions
17:43from the citizenship test.
17:48Ooh!
17:49Hey, hey, hey, hey.
17:50Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.
17:53What were Burke and Wills' first names?
17:55Burke and Wills?
17:56Yeah.
17:56Is that like a law firm?
17:58I don't know their first names either, don't I?
17:59OK.
18:00Do you know the animals on our coat of arms?
18:02Yes.
18:03What are they, George?
18:04An emu and a kangaroo, I believe.
18:06Correct.
18:07Why are they so unique?
18:09Because they can't move backwards.
18:11And also they're delicious.
18:12Yes.
18:13Do you know how Pharlap died?
18:15Heart attack, was it?
18:16No.
18:17No, he overdosed on ketamine.
18:18Oh.
18:19Do you know how Pharlap died, G?
18:20Was he shot?
18:24No.
18:25No, that only happens if you lose races.
18:27National Anthem, what's the name of the National Anthem?
18:31What's the name of the National Anthem?
18:33Yeah.
18:33I just assume it's the Australian National Anthem Center.
18:35Oh, Southern Australia?
18:37It's called the Advance Australia Fair.
18:38Oh, pardon me, so.
18:40Or Horses by Darrell Braithwaite.
18:42There you go.
18:42What was Donald Bradman's average?
18:44I'd say 120, 102.
18:46Yeah, yeah.
18:46What's your original country?
18:48South Africa.
18:49The way this is going, you're going back pretty soon.
18:51So you're real estate, yeah?
18:52Yes.
18:52How much cocaine have you done today?
18:54Five.
18:54How long have you been together?
18:55Two years.
18:56Yes, we're in love.
18:57Are you in love?
18:58Yeah.
18:59Why?
19:00We make each other laugh.
19:01What's his best feature?
19:03The way he just looks after everybody around him no matter what.
19:06And what about, what do you love about Beth?
19:09Probably her big boobs.
19:11Are you an Australian citizen?
19:12Yes.
19:13Good.
19:14Are you?
19:16How many years do you think it took before I was allowed to apply for Australian citizenship?
19:2111.
19:2210?
19:2225.
19:23How many years do you think I had to live in Australia before I could apply to become
19:26a citizen?
19:2810.
19:2810?
19:29Yeah, I'll say 10 as well.
19:31Well, that's very racist because I was born here, guys.
19:34But that answer also means that you're automatically an Australian citizen.
19:40So well done, Tony.
19:41Well done, Beth.
19:49Welcome back.
19:50Welcome back.
19:57Now, when I was 10 years old, I queued up at the 1982 Boxing Day test hoping to get my
20:03next guest signature in this autographed book.
20:06Oh.
20:06Spoiler.
20:10Yeah, I know.
20:10I'm adorable.
20:11Hey, spoiler.
20:12I didn't.
20:13But, it's just getting sadder.
20:19He is one of cricket's greatest all-rounders and despite being English, he played with a
20:23confidence and a brashness I could only describe as Australian.
20:27Here he is in action.
20:29He is our greatest all-rounder.
20:31Ian Botha.
20:32One of the greatest of all time.
20:33Cricket needs a band like this.
20:35And that is 40 metres back.
20:37I really haven't seen anything like it.
20:39Do you believe it?
20:39I don't believe it.
20:40Always reserved his best performances for Australia.
20:43Hold him.
20:44Neck and drop.
20:47Please welcome Lord Ian Botha.
20:50Hello, you're Lord Jaha.
21:02Thank you, my Lord.
21:03Here you go.
21:04Have a seat.
21:04Wow.
21:05Wow.
21:07Wow.
21:07Wow.
21:08Wow.
21:08Wow.
21:09Wow.
21:11Hello, mate.
21:11Hello, mate.
21:12How are you?
21:12It's great to see you.
21:13I seriously, do you remember not signing that?
21:16Yeah.
21:17I just saw this little chap about this icon.
21:21Hey, I want to ask you first, how cool is it to be a Lord?
21:27Um, I've never really thought about it, to be honest.
21:29Well, start thinking now.
21:31All right, okay.
21:32Well, it's better than being a sir.
21:34Is it?
21:34It's higher.
21:35Oh.
21:35I see.
21:36Can you keep going?
21:37Well, no.
21:39Well, there's a vacancy at the moment, but no.
21:49I think it must be amazing to be called a Lord.
21:53Um, and let's, let's have a look at your full title here.
21:56Sir Ian Terence Botham, knight, officer of our most excellent order of the British Empire,
22:02to the state, degree, style, dignity, title and honour of Baron Botham of Ravensworth in
22:08our county of North Yorkshire.
22:11And that's amazing.
22:12And yet I'm just going to call you beefy tonight.
22:14That doesn't feel like...
22:15Well, I'd be very upset if you didn't.
22:18Do you, what, so you don't insist people call you Lord?
22:21No.
22:22No.
22:22Oh, good?
22:23Well, yeah, but you're not likely to get it, are you?
22:25So I wouldn't worry about it.
22:28Oh, it seems a bit unlikely.
22:29What about those, the robes I saw you?
22:31Oh, those things.
22:34It's like a dead bear on your back.
22:36It is.
22:37And look at it.
22:38There you go.
22:39Look at that.
22:39Yeah.
22:40A young boy from Scum.
22:40It looked like I was enjoying it.
22:42Yeah.
22:42It was, um, well, say, by the way, you love Australia.
22:46Yeah, I mentioned in the intro about you really were, uh, I know you were the enemy, so to
22:51speak, but you really were beloved by Australians.
22:53I loved the way you played.
22:54Yeah.
22:54Well, you know, there's nothing bigger than on Boxing Day, playing at the MCG, and you
23:00walk out on that first morning, and there's 100,000 screaming convicts wanting to rip you
23:04apart.
23:10Well, no, no, seriously, I think you can actually feel them trying to break the concrete off and
23:15throw it at me.
23:18You really are beloved in this country.
23:20No, I enjoy it.
23:21I do enjoy coming down.
23:22It's so good to hear you're here for the whole summer, but on top of being a lordship, you
23:26also keep some very impressive company.
23:28Eric Clapton amongst them, but also Elton John.
23:32You're mates with Elton John.
23:33We went back and had a look at this.
23:35Here you are hanging out with Elton John in the 80s.
23:38Quiet is the word for Elton John these days, after Tuesday's operation to remove nodules from
23:44his vocal cords.
23:45As he boarded a white limo with friend Ian Botham.
23:48Perhaps Elton had some words of wisdom to give the cricketer in handwritten messages over
23:53lunch.
23:56Lord Botham.
23:57Yeah, seriously, he had that board with him everywhere, and he'd had the operation on
24:01his course, and he wasn't allowed to speak.
24:04So it was quite bizarre, you know, in many ways.
24:06And then you'd go, right again.
24:13How long was that lunch?
24:15It would have seemed longer.
24:16If you're having lunch with the guys holding an Etch-a-Sketch board, that doesn't seem to
24:20be great company.
24:21It took a while to order.
24:25But no, he's an amazing guy.
24:28He actually has a lot of support, and when we did the walks, he was always turned up at
24:33some stage, and same with Eric, and what have you.
24:36So yeah, they're good friends.
24:38It's funny you talk about Eric and Elton.
24:40I'm, you know, I'm a little bit nervous.
24:42It's a big, you know, when was the last time you were nervous to meet someone?
24:47Um, well, I got arrested.
24:51That was pretty...
24:53You were nervous to see the policeman coming towards you?
24:55No, they actually set it up for me, and it's one of those cameras hidden behind a tree.
25:00How do you react?
25:02Lawrence knows about them.
25:04Come to your boy.
25:05Yeah, I know.
25:06Hey, Lord, what about, how do you think the interview's going so far?
25:10Yeah, better than expected.
25:13I would have said that too.
25:15I only ask you this because in 1986, you appeared on a BBC show where you were asked
25:22this question by a Scottish child that can best be described as unfriendly.
25:27Lorna Ogilvie.
25:28You complain about the press.
25:29However, hasn't your own immaturity and naivety in saying outrageous things made you
25:33fair game for the popular press?
25:35Do you remember that?
25:41Apologies, she's Scottish.
25:43But I didn't understand what she was saying after the way through it.
25:47But, no, that was, I think it was a bit of a set-up.
25:50But, you know, I rode the storm.
25:53You know, getting beaten up by a 16-year-old.
25:55So did you think you were walking into a warmer environment than that?
26:00Well, I think it was, I think they decided they were going to come at me.
26:03So I thought it was good, actually.
26:04I just batted it off.
26:06A bit like playing against Australia.
26:08But, yeah, just knocked it around.
26:09And, no, it was, you know, a bit weird.
26:12Was it weird, by the way?
26:13Did you enjoy the press during your playing days?
26:15Or did you?
26:15Because then you went into it fine.
26:17But how was it?
26:17Do you know, I never read the newspapers.
26:20And I very reluctantly, if I do, I'm bored.
26:23And I might have a look at the sports pages.
26:25But not when I played.
26:26Right.
26:27Because I knew I'd get angry.
26:29So, you know, just leave it.
26:31You know, walk away from it.
26:32You've stopped reading the newspapers too, Lawrence, haven't you?
26:34Oh, yeah.
26:38About four years ago, Sam.
26:42I wanted to ask, because I wanted to assure you that you would never be treated like this
26:47on this show.
26:48Do you know what I mean?
26:48And I just wanted to clarify that.
26:52Now it's time for the guest announcer question.
26:57Lawrence, you're up.
26:59Lord Botham.
27:00And I insist, respectfully, because I am a British subject.
27:04Really?
27:04My lord.
27:06My parents were born in Liverpool.
27:08It's true.
27:08Liverpool?
27:08Yes, absolutely.
27:09I can understand why you came over here.
27:14My question.
27:15You complain about the press.
27:17However, has your own immaturity and naivety in saying outrageous things made you fair
27:25game for the popular press, B-Vet?
27:29You can.
27:30Hey.
27:31Hey, again.
27:33I'll see you, Jimmy.
27:35Yeah, you can say Liverpool.
27:38Nice to hear from groundskeeper Willie there too.
27:40I really appreciate that, Lawrence.
27:42Well, I was doing a bit of Mr. McKay from Porridge, actually.
27:46That's very good.
27:47Thank you very much.
27:48He's all in the chin, isn't he?
27:52I've got some other questions here.
27:54Sam, don't interrupt.
27:54We're having a...
27:55I don't know.
27:56Well, I'm sorry to interrupt.
27:58I've got to ask about the cricket.
27:59The Asher starts in less than two weeks.
28:02Why are the Ashes still relevant?
28:05Well, it's the 150th year, I think, coming up, which we will cross over to.
28:13It was 27, I think.
28:14So it was 1977, and I was at the MCG for that, to see it and being part of it.
28:21But, no, it's the Ashes, the whole world of cricket watches the Ashes, and it's nothing
28:28bigger, the rivalry between, and the respect, because when you actually look at the Australian
28:34population, 24 and a half million that we know of, and so you've got the 24 and a half
28:42I try to explain to these guys, you're not playing against 11 people, you're playing
28:46against a country, 25 and a half million people, and when you think of the records that they've
28:51got, men and women, what they've achieved in the world of sport is quite beyond anything.
28:57For the number of populations, amazing stats.
29:01You're still quite passionate.
29:02How hard is it to stay passionate once you've stopped playing?
29:05Oh, very easy, to be honest.
29:07I've worked in television for 23 years with Sky back in the UK, and you wait for the Ashes
29:18to come on, because it's the one that everybody wants to be involved in, and I think this one
29:23coming up now will be equally as exciting.
29:27Mind, I don't know if you saw this, but Eddie Maguire, a friend of ours, sent me a text the
29:32other day, and he said, if Gower and Botham were to play in this Ashes series at their
29:38current age, Australia would still be 135 days older of the team, if you put it so.
29:44If you had me and Gower, and nine others, he said, the age group of the time that's
29:50coming, he said, and I looked at it and worked it out, and he's right, it's scary, very scary.
29:57I'm not going to lie, I have no idea what you just said.
29:59Are you saying Australia's got an old team?
30:04Yeah.
30:05Oh, OK, cool.
30:05All right.
30:07Yeah.
30:08Well done, sir.
30:10Hey, I wanted to make, you've also got your own brand of wine.
30:13Yeah.
30:13Yay!
30:13Which I wanted to, um...
30:16Now Lawrence is up and about.
30:18There it is.
30:18Botham wines.
30:19How did you come up with the title?
30:22I wanted to keep it simple so I wouldn't forget.
30:26And it's an...
30:27Is it a night...
30:27What's the...
30:28Is it red or a white?
30:28We do, no, we do a few variants, yeah, but we've just actually gone, relaunching over
30:36here pretty much over the next few months, and we've got a few legends coming on, but
30:42it's all been hushed, hushed.
30:44I'm not allowed to...
30:45Well, I don't even know, they don't tell me.
30:48My daughter runs it, so I've got no chance.
30:50Yeah.
30:50Well...
30:50But, yeah, no, the, the, it's exciting, and don't worry, Sam, I'll drop a couple of
30:56bottles.
30:56I was going to say, I'll take the bottles.
30:58If you need an ambassador over there, geez, look, he's ready to go.
31:02My favourite sound in the world is...
31:04Ian, I wanted to ask you this, this summer we are going to hear your commentary on Channel
31:127 and also on Triple M.
31:14Do you enjoy commentary?
31:15Yeah.
31:16Yeah, I enjoy this.
31:17The best bit is the radio.
31:19Yeah.
31:19Because you don't have to get dressed up like this.
31:21Yeah.
31:22Yeah, you've got shorts, flip-flops, T-shirt, and you've got the same accreditation as all
31:26that lot with all their suits on.
31:28Well, I'm sure your employees at Channel 7 are rapt to hear that.
31:32I love listening to your commentary.
31:34You're a master at explaining the tactics on the field with accuracy and insight, and
31:38this was my favourite example of your commentary.
31:41I think the field is absolutely, completely wrong.
31:46They've changed the field, they've brought a fine leg up, they've put a man out for a
31:50short, wide, long-up.
31:51What is going on?
31:53There he is, the man out for the short, wide, long-up.
31:55Danny Getschich.
31:57Well done, Ian Buggsman.
32:02Salas Jaya Sariya, I think, did that on deliberately.
32:06But it was the most ridiculous field move.
32:09And he didn't move.
32:10Thank you very much.
32:11The timing, the timing was amazing.
32:13I just wanted to finish with a couple of things.
32:14One is, if you think that I'm not going to, oh, firstly, are you, I've got to, can you
32:18clarify, are you colour blind?
32:20Yeah.
32:21All right, well, that's fine.
32:23I just wanted to present you with this wonderful England jersey, England jersey for the summer
32:30ahead.
32:30That's for you.
32:31Thank you very much.
32:32That's great.
32:33The three lines are there.
32:34All great.
32:36There's the lines, it says England on the front.
32:38No, it's, it's, you'll wear that with pride, Lee, and you'll love it.
32:41Is this a rugby league shirt?
32:43Yeah.
32:44You can wear it whatever you want.
32:46The last thing is, too, I missed out in 1982.
32:48Yeah.
32:48But would you sign my autograph in 2026?
32:51Maybe.
32:51This is for you.
32:54Of course I will.
32:54Is that all right?
32:55Absolutely.
32:55Let's see what you said.
32:56Yeah.
32:58I'd like a, I'd like a heart.
33:00Yeah, I know.
33:01I've got this.
33:03There you go.
33:04Page open.
33:04Vivian Richards.
33:05Vivian Richards.
33:06There you go.
33:06Live Lloyd.
33:07You can do that, Paige?
33:07Yeah.
33:08Death.
33:09All around us.
33:10Does that work?
33:11Yeah.
33:12That's a red pen, too, by the way.
33:14Oh, well, that's why I can't see it.
33:15All right.
33:17You can do it during the break.
33:18Please thank Lord Ian Botham for my chat with Eddie Izzard next.
33:38Welcome back.
33:39Now, at this time in the show, I was supposed to be welcoming Eddie Izzard,
33:43now Susie Eddie Izzard, live in studio.
33:45But on Friday, we got the call.
33:48There's been an accident and Susie can't fly.
33:50The good news, injuries and all, Susie graciously joined me for a chat last night.
33:55If you don't know Susie's work, here's a taste.
33:58Dun, dun, dun.
33:59Who?
34:00Who is this?
34:01Eddie Izzard, everybody.
34:03Oh, wow.
34:03It's going nuts.
34:04Emmy award-winning stand-up comedian and actor.
34:06Unplugged.
34:07Just me.
34:08We'd go for that.
34:08Take our dance.
34:09Stonehenge.
34:10One of the biggest henges in the world.
34:14Just letting you know, my chat with Susie was filmed quite late,
34:17but I think you'll see that it's seamless and you definitely won't be able to tell.
34:22Now, the white robe that you're wearing.
34:24Like, it's quite late here in Australia.
34:26You know, it's almost bedtime for me.
34:27So I'm in robe and pyjamas.
34:30Oh, right.
34:30Well, I really should be in dressing gown and just got up.
34:35You know, the equivalent of you.
34:36The robe is monogrammed too, Susie.
34:37I hope you noticed.
34:38Yeah, the monogram is very good.
34:40Like, have no middle name or you don't need the dots.
34:43That's a good point.
34:43I'll fix that for the next time we speak.
34:45I'll make sure.
34:46No, you don't need to do it.
34:47I think, first and all, the middle names are a bit weird, aren't they?
34:49But they come with us and you go, what am I doing with this middle name?
34:52Yeah.
34:52And who was that?
34:53Your grandmother had that.
34:55Susie Izzard, it's wonderful to see you.
34:57I'm not going to lie.
34:59I'm quite nervous because I'm a big fan.
35:01When was the last time you were nervous?
35:03When I sat in between George Clooney and Brad Pitt doing Ocean's Twelve, here's me name-dropping
35:08a go-go.
35:09Nelson Mandela told me never name-drop.
35:12Eddie never name-drop.
35:13And I think that's quite a nice joke.
35:14But I was, I was standing between George Clooney and Brad Pitt, filming my first scene with
35:21them in Rome.
35:23But I was standing there and I said, I think, George, you were born in 61, because I was
35:29born in 62.
35:30And Brad, you were born in 63?
35:31I think I'd look this up.
35:33So therefore, this is logical.
35:35I was trying to claim, you know, because I'm in between your ages and there we go.
35:41And that's why we're standing here.
35:42And I realized, I was saying, what am I saying?
35:44Just shut up.
35:47You know.
35:47I just wanted to start also by saying, you were supposed to be sitting next to me tonight.
35:52What?
35:52Yeah.
35:53In pyjamas like you.
35:55Tell Australia what has happened.
35:57Australia, I busted my knee and I, and I was, I went to the doctors and they said, look,
36:02you're going to have to have a procedure.
36:04Procedure means they get in there and after that, you can't fly for a number of weeks.
36:08When was the surgery?
36:09It was just yesterday.
36:10Is the anesthetic worn off?
36:12Yeah, I'm fine.
36:13So is this your first interview post-operation?
36:17Is this an exclusive?
36:19It's an exclusive?
36:20Yes.
36:21Yeah.
36:22Put up the graphic.
36:23So we are rescheduling the dates.
36:26We're picking them up and moving them across.
36:27Now I'm here to talk about Hamlet, which I'm coming to Australia in June and July.
36:33My Hamlet, which is a solo Hamlet, 23 characters.
36:36Yes, all you.
36:37You're playing all 23.
36:38Yeah, and sold 50,000 tickets around the world.
36:41I'm very proud to be bringing it to Australia.
36:43That's in June and July.
36:44And now I'm going to pick up the, I'm very sorry for this happening.
36:47I really didn't want this to happen.
36:48But we're going to reschedule to May, just before the June and July Hamlet.
36:53So Australia is going to get this very unusual thing.
36:56If you buy tickets for both, you will see me doing the two streams of my thing, which
37:01is quite unusual, doing surreal comedy, Python-esque influence over there, and then drama.
37:06And I'm just following Shakespeare, because he went from comedies to his dramas, and I
37:10too have gone from my comedies to my time.
37:12I'm keeping them going at the same time.
37:15I haven't been to Australia since COVID, just before COVID.
37:18So it'd be nice to come back.
37:20Speaking of COVID, this is, I think this is the first time I've done Zoom since COVID.
37:24So, you know, a big hello to the Chinese government, if you're listening.
37:29It's, it's, yeah, it was a crazy time.
37:32It was.
37:33I take you on Zoom, it's better than not getting it at all.
37:36So I really appreciate it.
37:36We have got used to this.
37:38Yeah.
37:38We have got used to it.
37:39And I have, and I have put my Emmy in a very subtle position there.
37:42I was trying to hide it, actually.
37:44And I was trying to be very subtle, because it was just, but it is, it's the only one.
37:47I've got two, but I don't know where the other one is.
37:49Susie, Susie, can I say this?
37:51I love that you tried to hide the Emmy, but were more than comfortable to let me see the
37:55rubbish bin in the corner over your other shoulder.
37:58I love that.
37:59That's where the other one could be.
38:00No, that's where.
38:01Susie, you perform in multiple languages, French, German, and Spanish.
38:05Absolutely.
38:06I can speak French.
38:07I can't be improviser in French.
38:09In German, I can speak a lot.
38:12And now my self-confidence, my self-confidence, in German, is very good.
38:17And in Spanish, I'm going to be touring next year.
38:20I've already played in Madrid and Barcelona quite a lot.
38:24And my Spanish, no.
38:26My Spanish, no, it's fantastic.
38:28I have this strong self-confidence that I can do the comedy.
38:36The comedy is important.
38:37The language is less important.
38:39Right.
38:39You'd think it's the, oh, they do a Spanish type of comedy, a German type of comedy, an Australian
38:43type of comedy.
38:44Australian comics can play all around the world.
38:46But if you talk about very specific, if you talk about Tim Tams, and your punchline is
38:51Tim Tams, and they're going to go, well, what is a Tim Tam?
38:54Well, if you introduce Tim Tams as an Australian comic, and you say, Tim Tams, and then you
38:59get to London, get to America, and you say, and I was in the street, and we've already
39:03talked about this.
39:04And then this guy came up, so I threw all my Tim Tams at me.
39:07Tim Tam attack.
39:08And then you've used it as a story element, just like you can normally.
39:13So if you introduce it as a story element, it works.
39:16But if you just use it as a punchline with no introduction, those things will not work.
39:22There's a tip for the kids.
39:24You're talking to a comedian who struggles with English, Susie, so I'm in awe.
39:29Susie, I read somewhere that, in your opinion, George Lazenby, the Aussie, is the best Bond.
39:34No, not the best.
39:34It was a really good one.
39:36Okay.
39:36Where would you rank him, Susie?
39:38I put him right up there.
39:39On a Magic Secret Service, one of the great films.
39:41He's really good at it, and people have been doing him down for years because it ended
39:44kind of weird.
39:45I really loved it.
39:46Hey, can I just finish with a couple of quick ones?
39:48You're holed up recovering from a knee injury.
39:50That's why you're not coming out to Australia, but you're coming next year.
39:53So while you're recovering, what are you going to watch?
39:56What am I going through?
39:57Only Murders in the Building, which I've just gone, I've just binge watched through that,
40:01and I think I've just finished that.
40:02Now I'm going to go through their podcast, which I've just introduced.
40:04Susie, if you like Murders in the Building, are you in a position where you could contact
40:07them and say, I want to be in the next series?
40:10It doesn't really work that way.
40:11They have to contact you.
40:12You could try and get a message through.
40:14I'd love to be in it.
40:15And they say, yeah, and the rest of the world wants to be in it too, unless we know you
40:19personally.
40:20Meryl Streep phoned out to us to be in it.
40:22So what are you, you're way down the list.
40:24Yeah.
40:24You know, and they call me kid because I'm such a youthful 63.
40:29Well, can I just, I can, to your watch list, I just recommend a little show in Australia
40:34called Sampang Tonight.
40:35It's really, really making some waves, Susie.
40:38I'll watch the episode I'm in.
40:40Then I'll get a hang of it.
40:42Yeah.
40:42All right then.
40:43Yeah.
40:43Well, that'd be good.
40:44Well, all right.
40:44I just wanted to thank you so much for your time.
40:46Get well soon.
40:47Go eddiehazard.com for details, but everyone will be doing it.
40:50But yeah, May, I'm coming back in May.
40:52So sorry.
40:53May, can't fly the next few weeks.
40:55We'll see you next year.
40:57Cheers.
40:57Bye.
41:01Check out Susie, Eddie Izzard in person when Hamlet tours next year.
41:05Back with more Sampang Tonight in a moment.
41:21Now, welcome back.
41:22We get a lot of suggestions on this show.
41:24You should do a weather report.
41:26You should do a traffic report.
41:27Your chair's shit.
41:30All of that feedback was from Russell Crowe.
41:32I think you know.
41:33But we're not going to do a traffic report.
41:36But I'll tell you what we do have.
41:37We have the foot traffic report with comedian Bronwyn Cuss.
41:41All right.
41:45Hi, guys.
41:46This is Bronwyn Cuss.
41:47We couldn't afford a chopper.
41:48So I'm in the Sampang Tonight foot traffic high chair.
41:51I can see a guy over there on speakerphone.
41:54No headphones.
41:56Nobody likes you.
41:57Okay.
41:58This is a fun one.
41:58I get to play my favorite game here.
42:00Is it father and daughter or rich guy and young girl waiting for him to die?
42:05I'm going to say father, daughter.
42:07Oh, they've kissed.
42:08She's a daddy's girl.
42:10And I can see a businessman talking business loudly on the phone.
42:13You're not the Wolf of Wall Street, mate.
42:15You're the fuckhead of Flinders Lane.
42:16And here comes the 96.
42:18I have been stabbed on that tram and thrown up on.
42:22Okay.
42:22I can see Hamish up there opening the Maya Holiday window.
42:27Cool.
42:28Good for him.
42:28Glad he's got some work.
42:29What's going on?
42:31You're a little close.
42:33I don't know if you can tell, but I like being away from people.
42:36And here's my second favorite game.
42:38Tall child or small woman?
42:40It's always a small woman.
42:42I'll leave this guy doing it rough.
42:44Times are tough out there, hey?
42:45Let's not forget about the less fortunate this Christmas, Australia.
42:51There you go.
42:52That was the foot traffic report with Bromcast.
42:53Hey, Moon, do you have anything to plug?
42:56You're, you know, you're out there.
42:57Well, I'm coming to the end of a national tour, Sam,
42:59and I've got to say to everybody who's come along, thank you very much.
43:03I've been so well supported and had a great time.
43:05I was in Ballarat on the weekend and Warrnambool.
43:09Here's some more dates.
43:11Only a few dates.
43:12Yes, Bendigo sold out.
43:14Yep.
43:14Adelaide, only a few tickets left.
43:17And Darwin, let's have a look.
43:18I think Darwin says all tickets still available.
43:21So that's...
43:22Not popular in Darwin.
43:25Come on, Darwin.
43:26Don't leave it to last minute.
43:28They're very relaxed in Darwin.
43:30Get along and see Lawrence.
43:31It's a wonderful hour that seems a lot longer.
43:35It's a long, long hour.
43:39No, it's a wonderful show.
43:41Now, listen, if you missed last week's show, that's fine.
43:45We've all got things on.
43:46But if you did, you would have missed the debut of the new Sam Pang Tonight mascot,
43:51the COVID and STI riddled monkey.
43:53It's Contagious George, everyone.
43:55I've got some exciting Contagious George news, Lawrence.
44:06Excellent.
44:07I love Contagious George so much.
44:09Well, guess what?
44:10It's now a kid's book.
44:12Yay!
44:12Yay!
44:12That's right.
44:17Contagious George is now a children's book.
44:20And I...
44:20You know what?
44:21I can't think of anyone...
44:22Do you actually want to hear it?
44:23Do you want to read it?
44:24Do you want to read it to me?
44:24I can't think of anyone better to read it.
44:26You've got a beautiful voice.
44:27You're a natural showman.
44:29Jim, would you mind reading this copy of Contagious George?
44:33I'd love to.
44:33And one day maybe record the audiobook too, right?
44:37All right.
44:38Here we go.
44:38I've always wanted to be on PlaySchool and do this.
44:41OK, children, it's time for a story.
44:48This is George.
44:50George went on holidays to...
44:53No, I think it's pronounced Phuket.
44:57Phuket.
44:57George went on holidays to Phuket.
45:00There's George with his suitcase, kids.
45:03Departures are arrivals.
45:04Where's he going?
45:06Departures.
45:07This is wonderful.
45:12Because he's going to Phuket.
45:15George was feeling very tense.
45:18So decided...
45:19To get a massage.
45:23There he is, coming out of the massage.
45:25And look, the massage is open 24 hours.
45:28That's a good sign, isn't it?
45:30How convenient.
45:34After the massage, George felt sleepy, but also incredibly itchy.
45:42Oh, George, what happened in there?
45:46When he got home, George had to go to the hospital.
45:49There's George.
45:50He's very sick.
45:51He's got a temperature.
45:53The doctor said George needed to get a great big shot of penicillin
45:57and six other vaccines.
46:02Six?
46:02It's almost like George had been on a footy trip.
46:08George had to quarantine for two weeks.
46:11There's George when he got out of hospital.
46:14He's quarantining.
46:14Now George always wears protection.
46:22Don't get ahead of us.
46:24Before he shares his banana.
46:28The end.
46:32And I love how they do this on Play School.
46:35And that's all we've got time for today.
46:38Wonderful stuff, by the way.
46:40Let's check the clock.
46:41What your audience say during your stand-up show move.
46:48Contagious George, thank you for that, Lawrence.
46:50Contagious George can't be here tonight because he's very busy.
46:54Let's have a look.
46:55Here he is there.
46:57Oh, my God.
46:58It's a book signing.
46:59Contagious George is signing books.
47:01Wow.
47:01Isn't that amazing?
47:03Jesus.
47:06He looks a lot better.
47:08I just want to point out on national television, we've just seen Contagious George conducting a book signing.
47:15Is that a signed copy?
47:17I don't know.
47:18No, actually, it is a signed copy.
47:20I don't know if you can see that.
47:21That's amazing.
47:22If you can find one that's not signed, it's worth a fortune.
47:26Contagious George, the book makes a great stocking filler this Christmas.
47:30The Wheel of Segments is up next.
47:32Yeah.
47:32Yeah.
47:32Yeah.
47:32Yeah.
47:32Yeah.
47:32Yeah.
47:32Yeah.
47:38Welcome back.
47:46It's time now for the...
47:49Wheel of Segments!
47:51Yeah!
47:52Whoa.
47:53Stop.
47:56Brought to you tonight by Zirconium and Botham Wines.
48:00Zirco!
48:01Zirco!
48:02Zirco!
48:03Zirco!
48:03Zirco!
48:04Now, have a look at it.
48:05Slur or definitely not a slur.
48:08Now, I can sense the heavy hand of the network lawyer with that one.
48:12I think that we'll remember...
48:14We all remember what happened last week.
48:15I guess it's finally time to play Slur or Not a Slur with your host, Sean McHale.
48:20Sam, you are a huge...
48:23On the advice of legal counsel, I've been asked to read the following statement.
48:31That is the dodgiest looking lawyer I've ever seen in my life too, by the way.
48:35Well, I have some very exciting news from us here at Sampang Tonight HQ.
48:40If you like Slur or Not a Slur, you can now play at home.
48:44Have you been trying to phase out a friendship with zero results?
48:48What out?
48:49But they keep texting back.
48:51Introducing Slur or Not a Slur, the board game placed on the hit TV segment Slur or Not a Slur.
48:59All right, I'll use it in a sentence.
49:01You are an absolute...
49:03Burning Bridges has never been this far.
49:09Legal things not included.
49:12That's right, take that, Denya.
49:13I've got my own board game.
49:15Yes.
49:15I've never been prouder, Lawrence.
49:22I'm glad that it's finally official.
49:23My family has been playing that at Christmas for years.
49:28I know they have.
49:29Hey, all right, time to give the wheel a spin, all right?
49:32Let's see where it lands.
49:33You know how it works?
49:35Wherever it lands, that's the segment.
49:36I get it.
49:37What happened to the Christmas tree?
49:39Ah, Christmas tree.
49:40I think, you know, sometimes you can hold on to...
49:42I know.
49:43I like to send you into it once.
49:45That'd be good.
49:45Rickshaw Karaoke, it's landed on before.
49:47Yep, saw that.
49:49Prawn Hub sounds right up your alley, mate.
49:52What else we got?
49:53Prawn Hub?
49:54No, Galligraphy Corner has been on since season one.
49:57Let's see where it's going to land.
50:00I don't...
50:01Pangnam Style.
50:02It's got a weird camber, this wheel.
50:03Very good use of the word camber.
50:05Where's it going to land?
50:07Is it done?
50:09I think it's done.
50:10It's landed on...
50:12To Catch a Francophile.
50:15To Catch a Francophile.
50:17You're right to be underwhelmed.
50:21We're all familiar with the show To Catch a Predator.
50:25I am not.
50:27And again, I haven't watched telly since 2012, Sam, so...
50:30Well, you'd love that series.
50:31You're in three of the episodes.
50:32So, we all are familiar with To Catch a Predator.
50:37Let's enjoy this fresh new spin-off series.
50:42Meg is from Melbourne and just drove three hours to meet what she thinks is a fellow Francophile.
50:47Meg is 26 years old, works in PR, starts all her anecdotes with, well, when I was in Provence, she thinks she's meeting a man to watch a boring old French movie.
51:00But this is a carefully orchestrated sting.
51:03You know who I am.
51:15Have a seat.
51:17We have your text messages here.
51:20C'est la vie.
51:21J'adore.
51:21Do you even have a French background?
51:24Or did you just see Emily in Paris?
51:26How do you explain this?
51:28We have all your seats over the last week.
51:3135 baguettes.
51:33They're not mine.
51:34You're wearing a shirt that says, I love Paris.
51:38It's pronounced Pally.
51:39You're no better than a 52-year-old man who goes to Thailand for unspecified reasons.
51:44Don't say that.
51:45You're sick.
51:46It's time to hand in your beret.
51:47No.
51:48Mm-hmm.
51:52Should be ashamed of yourself.
51:56More To Catch a Francophile coming up next.
51:59There you go.
52:00Coming soon to 10.
52:02That's our show.
52:03Big thanks to our guests, Lord Ian Botham, Susie Eddie Izzard, Ron Wincuss, Mike Goldstein and Meg Yager.
52:08And, of course, my special guest announcer, Florence Mooney.
52:12Next week, special guest announcer Celia Pekwola, Angus Sampson and the return of the News Lounge with Oliver Clark.
52:19Good night, Australia.
52:23I need something to say to me.
52:25I've got my impersonations.
52:27Malcolm Turnbull?
52:28Oh, terrific stuff.
52:30You're a great guy and a great constituent.
52:32My favourite month of the year.
52:33I'm kind of doing him as Borny.
52:38There's 100,000 screaming convicts wanting to rip you apart.
52:46You know, I'm kind of doing this.
52:47I'm kind of doing this.
52:47I'm doing this to people who are 17,000 stationed and we're trying to get sick.
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