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01:00A rather unsavory word has been written on a wall right here in Grouse Lake.
01:05For professionalism's sake, I won't repeat it.
01:08But the word is weenock, which means balls, or dick, or the general junk area.
01:13We urge all residents to close your eyes when driving by Elmer's shed, or risk being slightly offended.
01:22In other news, the lagoon is full, so hold your deuces until further notice.
01:27Ma!
01:29Bib!
01:30B.J.?
01:33Dearest Paul, we're all out. The house is all yours.
01:37I just waxed the floor, so please don't wear the new socks I just bought you.
01:40Love. I mean, no. Like. No, I mean, love. Yeah. Stephen Harper.
01:46Fuck you, Stephen Harper. Time to fuck around with my fuck-around time.
01:55Oh, help!
01:58Hey. Excuse me. Come on, man. I'm almost done.
02:07I really need to pay for these.
02:09The song hasn't even peaked yet, bro. Fine. I'll go to the North Star.
02:15Can't you just ask her?
02:17I tried her, man.
02:22Fine. You're paying for your groceries. You happy now?
02:25Yeah. Real happy.
02:27I'm happy.
02:34But I just can't stay away now.
02:39Oh! Why isn't anyone helping me?
02:44Paul, are you okay?
02:48No, I'm not okay. Do I look okay?
02:51I heard you crying from across the res. Here, let me get you up.
02:54No! Don't touch me with your dweeb hands.
02:57But I need to get you to the nursing station.
02:59I need Rose. She fixes everything.
03:01You need medical attention.
03:02You're just gonna get me to take my shirt off and try to touch my body.
03:07It's a normal medical practice.
03:08Sorry, Dr. Pervert. Rose is the only one that understands my pain.
03:12Her and that's Domino.
03:14Okay, but how am I supposed to get you up if you won't move?
03:17You're the one that went to medication school.
03:19Haha. You figure it out.
03:23Hurry up, man! It hurts!
03:29There you are.
03:30Fuck lips.
03:32If we don't get on this graffiti thing, it's gonna get serious.
03:35Give it up, lips.
03:36First, it's the weenet graffiti.
03:39Then, moose tipping.
03:40Next, Robocop 3.
03:42This is the res.
03:43We have like three computers. Combined.
03:46That's what they said on Robocop 2 before Robocop 3 happened.
03:50We don't have a gang problem.
03:51Yet.
03:52What do you want to do about it?
03:53We need to find the biggest, scariest former gang member,
03:57bring them in, and scare these kids straight.
03:59And where are we gonna find that?
04:02Right here.
04:04You probably heard of the South Side Crazies.
04:07And if you haven't, let me refresh your memory.
04:11We were the baddest broads.
04:13Completely lawless.
04:15The whole res was terrified, and we loved it.
04:20Whoa.
04:20If my gang life can steer even one youth towards a better future,
04:25then it's worth it.
04:27Well, we do have some extra money in the budget for outreach.
04:31It won't be easy, but I'll dust off the leathers and round up the gang.
04:35All right, shlub club.
04:37Both of you want the job, but only one of you are gonna get it.
04:41You.
04:41Didn't they tell you to go fuck yourself three years ago?
04:43Yeah, man.
04:44Well, did you do it?
04:46Yeah, man.
04:46Good.
04:48You're in the lead.
04:50Now listen up.
04:50If you're a bitin' down, corn-fed, uptight, marshmallow motherfucker,
04:56then go to the North store.
04:58This is the yeah, man.
05:01Didn't expect to see you here.
05:03Sir, I'm late.
05:05I slipped in.
05:07Late, huh?
05:09Shows no initiative.
05:12It actually takes initiative.
05:16I like that.
05:19All right.
05:21Let's see what you got.
05:25What are you waitin' for?
05:26Clean up?
05:27Right away.
05:28Hard work don't pay, but it keeps you out of my way.
05:34Babe!
05:38Why are you in our bed?
05:40I fell.
05:41Help.
05:41I'm working.
05:43I told him to come to the nursing station.
05:46Just do what the nurse says.
05:48He's not a nurse.
05:49He's a pervert.
05:50Nurses aren't perverts.
05:52Thanks, Rose.
05:53He keeps saying that, and it hurts my feelings.
05:56Shut up, Logan.
05:57I'm the one that's hurt.
05:58Just do what Logan says, and you'll be fine.
06:02So you don't want to help me?
06:04Paul, I love you, but you have help, and I'm working.
06:08Logan, take him to the nursing station.
06:11Fine, but I got to make a couple stops first,
06:14and all of this you pulling me around is making me thirsty.
06:18And watch out for all the bumps, man.
06:20I'm getting carsick.
06:23I'm not here to point fingers at you, and especially you.
06:26Even though we know you did it.
06:28But this crime wave has got to stop.
06:31Which is why we brought in the South Side Crazies.
06:33They're hardened ex-gang members.
06:36And they're going to scare you straight.
06:38We're going to have to dig deep.
06:50See this scar?
06:54I got it from a card game gone wrong.
06:59What happened?
07:01Were you cheating?
07:02Paper cut.
07:04New deck of cards.
07:05I was reckless.
07:07Now I have to live with this scar for the rest of my life.
07:12Why don't you tell the kids about one of your deadly crimes?
07:14You want deadly, eh?
07:17I remember this one time.
07:19It was about 7 p.m.
07:21The devil's hour.
07:27Guess what?
07:28Right before they answered, we ran away.
07:33On purpose?
07:34Twice.
07:35Twice.
07:35Whoa.
07:37Goosebumps.
07:43Forget this.
07:44We're just cleaning the store for you because you're lazy.
07:47Uh, no.
07:50Actually, this is a test.
07:53Yeah, sure it is.
07:54I'm out of here.
07:57Yeah, man.
07:58More like weird guy.
07:59Well, go fuck yourselves then.
08:01So, do I get the job?
08:03Your training has just begun.
08:05Meet me at the river.
08:08For phase one.
08:18You know, you shouldn't eat those.
08:22And yet, here we are.
08:25Okay, well...
08:26So, the good news is, the x-rays show that your back and your ankle, they're both fine.
08:34You're right.
08:35This is good news.
08:36But, oh, your cholesterol is dangerously high.
08:41Isn't that the shit they put in?
08:42A margarine?
08:44Paul, your blood is basically gravy.
08:48I don't mean that in a good way.
08:49Nurse Logan, what are you trying to say, man?
08:52I'm saying, you know, a little diet, a little exercise, you know?
08:59It'll be better than ever.
09:00Oh, a little diet.
09:02A little exercise, you say?
09:04Yes.
09:05I've heard enough!
09:07Take me home!
09:08You're actually fine.
09:10You can totally walk.
09:11You won't take me?
09:12Ha!
09:13Fine!
09:15You called?
09:16Yes, sir.
09:17Are you a fan of, uh, $50?
09:19Actually, yeah.
09:21Yeah, I am.
09:22Good!
09:23You're my new nurse, Logan.
09:25Take me home immediately!
09:27Sorry, Logan.
09:28This guy goes where the money flows.
09:31Bye-bye!
09:35Hey, Leon, what's up?
09:37You're late, man.
09:39For what?
09:39You said meet me by the river, phase one.
09:42But am I late, or do you lack the wisdom to know what I was doing?
09:46So you did forget?
09:47No. The first test was patience, and you clearly didn't pass.
09:51For real, fuck?
09:52For real, fuck.
09:54But that's okay.
09:55The next test begins now.
09:58Where are we going?
09:59Uh...
10:02Phase two.
10:06All right.
10:07That's it!
10:11I'm fucking done, bro.
10:12It's like you gained weight since we started.
10:14What do you mean you're fucking done?
10:16The deal was to wheel me home!
10:18No chance, man.
10:19Where's my $50?
10:20No completion, no cash, dumb guy!
10:23Oh, there you are.
10:24Oh, hey, look who it is!
10:27My favorite niece now!
10:29Hey, you want to make $50 bucks?
10:31You can't keep living the way you are, Paul.
10:33That sounds like a challenge, man.
10:35See those kids over there, playing with their dads?
10:38They're so fun.
10:39So free.
10:41You're so connected.
10:42What's it to you?
10:43That could be you and PJ.
10:45But only if you make some changes.
10:47And you're willing to help me?
10:49I'll make it my mission.
10:51Okay, fine.
10:52But wheel me into the shade first.
10:54I'm starting to get hot in my belly, starting to sweat a little bit.
10:56And then, when Mrs. Harper got on the phone, we hung up.
11:10Didn't even think twice about it.
11:12God, that's cold.
11:13The first time we did it, it really messed me up.
11:18But after a while, I just did it for the thrill.
11:21We were all different then.
11:26You're brave for sharing that.
11:31Hilda, you're hurting me.
11:35Okay, let's take a break.
11:37I think you need some time to recover.
11:39Yeah, that's a good idea.
11:45Okay, no offense, but your stories are kind of undeadly.
11:49Wait a minute.
11:50Yeah, prank calls, fart noises.
11:53Staying up past your bedtime.
11:55We rode our bikes without Talmuds once.
12:00I'm worried that we're losing them.
12:02Giggle one end again.
12:05We'll crank it up a notch.
12:07Really scared his little assholes straight.
12:16Behold phase two.
12:17We look ridiculous, bro.
12:21What you're feeling is humility.
12:23That is what water karate has taught me and what I am going to teach you.
12:28I learned karate in jail, bro.
12:30And trust me, there was no water.
12:32You think this is stupid, eh?
12:34Knock it off.
12:34It's cold.
12:37Dean?
12:37Relax your mind, cousin Leon.
12:40Feel the water.
12:42This is where we're born, where we return, and what we make sweet red juice with.
12:48Where are you?
12:49This is a time of cleansing.
12:51Fight me and wash away your old self.
12:55Don't fuck!
12:56Good!
12:58You're becoming one with the water.
13:01I'm ready to learn.
13:04Then, show me.
13:06I don't think we should be watching this, bro.
13:18Pete!
13:28Okay, let's do some stretches.
13:30You want to feel it right here?
13:43The next step is forgiveness.
13:45How's this going to help me work in your store?
13:47Lock on that door and find out.
13:51You're freaking me out, man.
13:52To enter Yemen, you must be free of your past.
13:55Is this a cult?
13:56Or a part-time job?
14:01What the fuck are you doing here?
14:02Nikki!
14:04Remember, seek forgiveness and you shall be free.
14:07Whatever, Dean.
14:08I ought to pop you one right in the lie hole.
14:12The nerve.
14:13To just shack up and then ghost me like that?
14:17Who's going to leave a note?
14:18A note?
14:20You stole my washing machine.
14:23And you left a dead crow in my freezer.
14:27Look.
14:27I want to say sorry.
14:30Sorry.
14:33Sorry.
14:40Sorry.
14:45And?
14:45I got you a new washing machine.
14:47And?
14:48Take the crow out of your freezer.
14:51Okay, fine.
14:54Now, take a long walk off a short dock.
15:05Phase three is complete.
15:06One time we knocked over a credit union with nothing but nylons on our heads and a bag of homemade bricks.
15:19We robbed the casino and we doubled the money at the slots on the way out.
15:24We had so much zhonya, we had to stash it in a hollowed out moose.
15:29It was nothing but fancy clothes and fast cars.
15:33Diamond bracelets and gold bars.
15:37Money stacking all night.
15:39We were living large.
15:41Oh, yeah.
15:42Kindly does pay.
15:44I didn't even want to be in a gang before, but now that's all I want.
15:49And this stash away?
15:50You have now answered phase four.
15:59Fucking weirdo.
16:03Help!
16:06Beanpole twisted her ankle.
16:08Hauling water jugs.
16:10Shit, let's go!
16:12Hurry up!
16:15Okay, nice try.
16:16Nice try what?
16:17I leave the store alone and fail phase four.
16:20Beanpole stuck in the mud.
16:22Dean, he was nuts with the water karate, but this is good.
16:26Ah, Jesus, boy.
16:27Sorry, Gramps.
16:28I got a store to look after.
16:33And that's how you pass a fucking test.
16:36Boom!
16:36Goes the explosion.
16:38All right then.
16:39Phase four, pinata time.
16:42But I just passed phase four.
16:43What?
16:44Gramps came in begging me to help beanpole, but I stayed put.
16:48No, man.
16:48Phase four is a party.
16:50We're gonna bust open a pinata.
16:51So I got the job?
16:52Yeah, man.
16:53Um, should we go say beanpole?
16:56We'll get there.
16:57Let's see what's inside this thing first.
17:00That's it.
17:02I can't do this.
17:02You were supposed to follow along.
17:04I did.
17:05For like two seconds.
17:06This was the closest I've ever been to even thinking about working out.
17:09I'm sorry.
17:10I know I said I'd help you, but I can't.
17:12I quit.
17:13Man, we were so close.
17:15Maybe it's me.
17:17Maybe I am just a terrible perverted nurse.
17:21Hey, man.
17:22Take a look over there.
17:24Tell me.
17:26What do you see?
17:28Some nurses playing in the park.
17:31And don't you want to be just like them?
17:34Man, so fun.
17:36So free.
17:39Yeah, I do.
17:41I don't know what I was thinking.
17:42I'm sorry.
17:43Of course I do.
17:43Yeah, there's my nurse.
17:46Now, pull me to the store.
17:47I want to celebrate with some chips and some bepsi.
17:52You're impossible.
17:53Actually, make it two bepsis on the account of all the exercising you did.
17:57Did you get that?
17:59There's Logan.
18:00So where do I go to join a gang?
18:06Do you have to sign up?
18:07I want it so bad.
18:08Whoa, whoa, whoa.
18:10I think what the crazy's meant to say is that crime doesn't pay, right?
18:16I'll say what you want for the right price.
18:19My gangster name's going to be Jimmy Calzone's.
18:22I want to be Jimmy Calzone.
18:23Nobody's going to be a Calzone.
18:25You want to know what the gang life is really like?
18:31Hmm?
18:32I was deep in it.
18:33K.K.I.A.
18:34Yeah, big time.
18:36What was your gang name?
18:38Oh, uh, Tony Capone.
18:41Cool.
18:42No, it's not cool.
18:44That's the point.
18:48See this arm?
18:50Fake.
18:51Lost it in a machete fight over a scratch ticket.
18:54I've been in and out of jail so many times, they named a wing after me.
18:59The, uh, Tony Capone wing.
19:01Shit.
19:03And I almost let that life get the best of me.
19:06The shootings and the robbings and the, uh, the murderings.
19:12Then what?
19:13And then I met Paul.
19:16The love of my life.
19:17Wait.
19:19So you're saying if we join a gang, we might end up with someone like Paul?
19:23Doesn't he wash his g in a sink?
19:25Okay.
19:26That was one and a half times.
19:28Forget it.
19:29Let's go, Blue.
19:30A life of crime is no life for me.
19:32Oh, you really just gave up on me, eh?
19:50After everything we've just been through, how dare you?
19:55Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
19:56How did you get here?
19:57Oh, wouldn't you like to know?
19:59And since you do, I walked.
20:03So I got you to exercise?
20:05Oh, don't try and change the subject, my friend.
20:07Oh, walking is exercise.
20:09Even if it's angry walking?
20:10Any walking.
20:11The point is, you just made your first steps to becoming healthier.
20:14And I inspired you to do it.
20:17Why are you making that face?
20:18Just, just, just a hug.
20:20No!
20:21Everyone knows that hugs are just a gateway for you to ask me to take off my shirt.
20:28You're walking.
20:30Are you still walking?
20:32Ah, I did that.
20:37All right, man.
20:38Take it off early.
20:40Water cry time.
20:41Let's go.
20:41Wait, is this another test?
20:42No test, bro.
20:43You already passed.
20:44We're just going to shut the store down and go splash fight?
20:47Yeah, man.
20:48I do it all the time.
20:50Look.
20:50For real?
20:52In the middle of the day?
20:54But we got work to do.
20:56I'm sorry.
20:58Are you some kind of button-down, corn-fed, uptight, marshmallow motherfucker?
21:09Let's fucking go, bro!
21:11All right.
21:14I'm still here.
21:17Hello?
21:20Hello?
21:22I'm still here!
21:25Ah.
21:26Oh, you've dreamed of something like this.
21:30Oh, you've dreamed of something like this.
21:32All my life, all my own, messing around where I could feel.
21:39Every damn night, it's all the same.
21:44Won't be long before I'm back again.
21:47But I just can't stay away.
21:49But I just can't stay away.
21:50Now with a sword inside my chest.
21:55No, I just can't stay away.
21:58Even though I...
22:00Oh.
22:00Oh, and that's it.
22:01Oh, my God.
22:03Oh, meiner.
22:04You got it.
22:05Yeah.
22:06Thank you.
22:06All right.
22:07czyli
22:09Oh, look at myyahoo.
22:10Sorry about that.
22:10Hey.
22:10I didn't play on the cr Stadium.
22:11Okay, well, I did.
22:12Yeah.
22:13I didn't mind.
22:14Yeah.
22:15It's...
22:15So you never année.
22:17Let's go.
22:18What is the candle coming?
22:19This is what Robyn Kelly was, and his minted the card.
22:20I know he's going to go,ahoo, possibly somewhere else.
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