00:00I was a lesbian mom with two kids.
00:02Now I'm their trans dad.
00:03Remember that? No facial hair.
00:05Did you guys forget what I looked like before?
00:07A little bit.
00:08People judged it so hard.
00:10Somebody calls CPS brainwashing the child.
00:13I will spiral and latch on to the negativity sometimes.
00:17When I first came out as trans, my sister didn't get it
00:20and my best friend started crying.
00:22It wasn't just you, everybody else is dealing
00:25with the consequences of your choices.
00:29I didn't transition until like two years ago
00:33and beard came in kind of fast.
00:36I'd be at like six months.
00:37I'm Ray, I'm a trans dad with two children.
00:39Valen, age nine and then Vela who is going to be seven.
00:43This is my wife Alyssa and we've been together for 17 years.
00:46Before my transition, I felt like I didn't align
00:49with how I felt inside.
00:51I just never felt comfortable, ever.
00:54The gender I was assigned at birth was female.
00:57I always grew up kind of more that tomboyish kid.
00:59And as I got older, I always still wondered what it would be like if I switched.
01:05Could I do it?
01:06Is that even possible?
01:07Hey, good morning.
01:09How are you guys?
01:10Good.
01:11Are you guys hungry?
01:12Yeah.
01:13Do you like my beard?
01:14Yes.
01:15Yeah?
01:16Ever since we decided to have children, you always said,
01:19they're not going to call me mom.
01:21We went through a donor clinic and at the time before I transitioned, we told them there's
01:26no dad.
01:27So they allowed myself to be listed on the birth certificate as a parent too.
01:32So do you remember when he first got a beard?
01:34What was it like?
01:35He felt different.
01:37That was really different.
01:39Do we like the beard?
01:41So when you decided to transition, how did you explain it to them?
01:47So my son was seven, my daughter was five.
01:51And I remember we just had a conversation with them asking them, do you know, am I a
01:55girl or a boy?
01:56And the kids were like, you're a girl.
01:58And so then I asked, how would you feel instead of being like mom with me being dad?
02:04They're like, yeah, why not?
02:06To just see how open and abrasive they were made it like, just seemed too easy.
02:11All right, guys.
02:12I got to let you go.
02:13I got to take my medicine.
02:16I remember telling my kids, the first thing I'll have to do is start taking the medicine.
02:20It's going to help me change my voice.
02:21You'll see the facial hair grow.
02:23I take my testosterone weekly, once a week.
02:27Why do you try to protect your kids from seeing it?
02:30Quite honestly, it's not that I have any reason not to allow them to see it.
02:35For me, it's just more of a safety and space.
02:38It's easier to be able to self-inject when there's no, nobody else in the way.
02:43They started getting impatient with me, like asking, when is the change coming?
02:46I don't see anything yet.
02:48When they started hearing it, that's when it, I think it all clicked.
02:51They're like, your voice sounds different.
02:53Morning.
02:54Regarding your transition as a children, do you think that there has been any sort of negative
02:59impact on them?
03:01No, I don't.
03:03I think that negativity affects me more than them because it really does.
03:07When Ray told me that he wanted to transition, it was the excitement of, okay, we have our
03:14answer.
03:15What's our next step?
03:16The nervousness was, what does come next?
03:19How does our process start?
03:21What does it mean for our kids?
03:22What does it mean for our family?
03:23I would say my transition journey has gone by very fast.
03:26I started testosterone once we started talking within one week.
03:30Six months from that date, you had your first surgery.
03:32Six months from the date I started testosterone, I recall explaining to them that I'm going to
03:37go through a surgery.
03:38This is one of my gender surgeries and what they're going to do is make my chest flat.
03:43My son was like, oh, so like mine.
03:44And I was like, yeah, exactly.
03:45Just like yours.
03:46I think they just always knew that your surgeries were to help you be comfortable with who you
03:51are.
03:52Right.
03:53You guys want to do a video?
03:54Sure.
03:55I started posting about a year into my transition.
03:58I mostly wanted to post because people just constantly bash other individuals who are LGBT
04:04community that you can't have a family, no one's going to love you, things of that nature.
04:09I thought to myself, that is far from the truth.
04:11I have a loving person right beside me.
04:13I have our kids.
04:14Okay.
04:15We're going to do a reaction video.
04:16Are you guys ready?
04:17I'm going to show you a video of me before.
04:19Remember that?
04:20No facial hair.
04:21Tell me when it starts to kind of look like how I look like right now.
04:25Starting.
04:26Okay.
04:27Starting to.
04:28That one.
04:29This one?
04:30Did you guys forget like what I looked like before?
04:33A little bit.
04:34Just a little bit?
04:35I forgot the lips.
04:37The lips.
04:38In the beginning, it was a lot more negativity, a lot more hate.
04:43People on social media will say whatever they want to say.
04:46And I can usually deal with some of the negative comments easily because I know it's not our
04:51truth.
04:52But it's when you start impacting other people in my family, that's where I start to realize,
04:56no, no, no.
04:57That's not okay.
04:58That's just not okay.
04:59Let me read some negative comments, some posts that I've seen.
05:01One of them is brainwashing the child.
05:03I don't know where anybody gets the idea of brainwashing.
05:08It's not brainwashing.
05:09I'm educating them.
05:10They are not ignorant.
05:12They are aware.
05:13Somebody calls CPS.
05:14This is mental abuse.
05:16I actually have had a CPS worker comment back to an individual who was stating this and
05:22said everything he's doing teaching his children is exactly what we wish more parents
05:26would do.
05:27They'll spiral and latch onto the negativity sometimes.
05:30But he takes it and just rolls off his shoulders.
05:33Eh, who cares?
05:34They're just, they're a faceless person making comments.
05:38But I do, it does affect me.
05:39I do kind of keep my negative comments away from my kids, but I did educate them to let
05:44them know there are people who aren't okay with the way our family is.
05:48There are some people who may say mean things, who may also be rude, but that doesn't mean
05:53that you should do the same.
05:54We don't have to pay attention to that.
05:56We know the truth behind our family dynamic.
05:59Coming out to my family, I honestly was trying my best to not have any expectation on anyone.
06:04I think I asked you, if you were to lose your family today, would you be okay with that?
06:11And I answered, yes.
06:13Not because I wouldn't feel hurt from it, but because it's more important for me to be honest
06:18and live my truth.
06:19My sister didn't get it and my best friend started crying.
06:22We haven't really talked about it openly ever since.
06:25I am very much anticipating to see what the responses are going to be.
06:29How did you guys feel when I told you I wanted to transition?
06:32At first I wasn't sure what you were talking about.
06:35But then when you told me a little bit more, I was really scared and worried because I'm
06:41like, what if something goes bad in surgeries?
06:45I was afraid of losing you.
06:48I remember crying.
06:51I was afraid of the unknown.
06:53Were you guys more concerned for me transitioning or the kids?
06:57I remember telling you that it wasn't just you.
06:59Yeah.
07:00Like that was a change for your family too.
07:03Yes, you're making the decision.
07:05However, everybody else around you is dealing with the consequences of your choices.
07:16My first thought was, how is Alyssa going to take it?
07:19You guys had a bond for a very long time and a transition is not something that anybody just
07:26goes through.
07:27But I'm happy that she's still here strong and you guys are doing what's best for you
07:33and your kids.
07:34It's so amazing to see that you're being yourself and to know that that happiness is
07:40actually, you know, real.
07:41You're being you.
07:42People need to see that just because you're a different gender with children, it doesn't
07:47make you a different person or a bad parent.
07:49It's who the person is as a character and how you raise your children.
07:54Yeah.
07:55What do you hope the future holds for your family and your children?
07:58Just less negativity.
08:00I don't want our kids to be negatively impacted by other people's ignorance.
08:03I don't bring any ill intent to anyone.
08:06I am just living my day to day.
08:08And so my hope is that people can see that side and realize that I'm not a threat in any
08:13way.
08:14Would you say Ray is a good dad?
08:16Ray is a great dad.
08:18He's attentive to the children.
08:20He teaches them the lessons that I think they need to be a very kind and honest person.
08:25How excited are you for the future of your family?
08:28Very excited.
08:29I am very excited.
08:30Someone once told me, now that you've transitioned and you have your surgery, is there anything else
08:35that's left?
08:36And I always response with, this is literally just the beginning.
08:39I think we have a great future ahead.
08:41Are you guys happy that your dad became a man?
08:43I'm always happy that he went on near my family.
08:47What a charmer.
08:48Wonder where he learned it from.
08:50What a charmer.
08:51Wonder where he learned it from.
08:52Where he understands it from.
08:53He's an electrician.
08:55He's a real star.
08:57She's what you're playing with the other groups.
08:58He's a big fan.
08:59He's a big fan.
09:00Be sure.
09:01He's big fan.
09:02He's a big fan.
09:03He won't come up with his eyes.
09:04He's a big fan.
09:06They're a big fan.
09:07He's a big fan.
09:08And he's been away with you.
09:09He's a big fan.
09:10He's a big fan.
09:11He's a big fan.
09:12So he's a big fan.
