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Nick | A New Untold Story
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00:00:00A New Untold Story, episode 474. Is that correct? 474, yes. That is the area code of Saskatchewan, but we'll get into that another day.
00:00:10We'll get into Regina, Moose Jaw, Prince Albert, Flynn Flon, and Saskatoon later.
00:00:15They have Regina and Prince Albert? Those are both like genitalia kind of based, I guess.
00:00:30A New Untold Story, A New Untold Story, A New Untold Story, A New Untold Story, A New Untold Story, A New Untold Story.
00:00:55We're here with Wontong Don. Hey, how are you? Memphis. We're Memphis.
00:01:00Memphis.
00:01:01Memphis. Aside from all of the conventional metrics used to judge the quality of a city, I don't think it's unspeakably bad here.
00:01:12People really fucking like me here, as opposed to Minneapolis.
00:01:15The people have been tremendous.
00:01:18Food's good.
00:01:19The food's good.
00:01:21Is the food good?
00:01:23Yeah. No, the food is like, everything's novelty.
00:01:30Barbecue spaghetti?
00:01:32Yeah.
00:01:32Yeah.
00:01:33Novelty.
00:01:34It's okay.
00:01:35It's okay.
00:01:35Yeah, it's great.
00:01:37We're here with the whole Rediscovering crew.
00:01:39We're in, for some reason, Nick Fasoli's suite.
00:01:43Fasoli accidentally booked a suite.
00:01:45For himself?
00:01:46I think he thought he was ordering, like, a cookie.
00:01:48Yeah, he thought it was S-W-E-E-T.
00:01:50He thought he was booking a $500 a night cookie.
00:01:57He thought he was going to get a complimentary cookie.
00:02:00He gets so excited for payday at work.
00:02:02He's like, what is all this carpet and furniture?
00:02:08He only speaks in candy terms.
00:02:09He calls us nerds.
00:02:11He did it over the phone.
00:02:12He wondered why it costs so much, but he thought it must be worth it.
00:02:18Wait, is the suite big?
00:02:20A golden canola.
00:02:21Oh, absolutely.
00:02:22Yes, I will take the big suite.
00:02:25It's massive.
00:02:26He gets paid $200,000 a year.
00:02:29He just gets two $100,000 bars.
00:02:30That's all he asks for, man.
00:02:32Dude, a built-in cheesecake bar.
00:02:35Fasoli has had the most insane run of being on projects.
00:02:42He's coming off of the Internet Invitational where he crashed through the fence.
00:02:45He was the star of that show.
00:02:48And for those who don't know, Fasoli is our polyethnic drone pilot.
00:02:53He is our global composite of a man.
00:02:57Based on a continental, he spans six different continents.
00:03:00Based off of headwear, he could be passable as any race, any nation.
00:03:05Y'all's guess is as good as ours.
00:03:07He's Pangean.
00:03:08Fasoli's Pangean.
00:03:10Depends on his emotion.
00:03:12Like right now, he's Polynesian when he's happy.
00:03:14Yeah.
00:03:15When he's mad, he's Armenian.
00:03:17He could pass as Inuit like that.
00:03:21Yeah.
00:03:21I'd say like German's like one of the only races he couldn't pass as.
00:03:24He could be Inuit for sure.
00:03:25He could be Inuit.
00:03:26But he, for those that don't know, the Internet Invitational giant golf thing,
00:03:32Fasoli moved somebody's ball in a million-dollar golf tournament
00:03:36and then immediately drove a golf cart through a fence at a very nice country club.
00:03:42Let's pad his stats first.
00:03:44He's an exceptional drone pilot.
00:03:46Exceptional, fantastic, great guy.
00:03:48Great guy.
00:03:49When a lot of people are working.
00:03:52What did a...
00:03:53Charming.
00:03:53What did a tech guy Andrew always say?
00:03:56Hard work is the scarcest resource at Barstool.
00:04:00It's not scarce with Nick Fasoli.
00:04:02No.
00:04:03He had Paige Sporanik giggling.
00:04:05She was loving it.
00:04:06She was loving it.
00:04:07Yeah.
00:04:08So.
00:04:09But now we...
00:04:10All right.
00:04:10So what...
00:04:11So we get here and we go to this diner across the street.
00:04:15You weren't there.
00:04:15I was with Wonton.
00:04:17And Fasoli...
00:04:18And Fasoli...
00:04:19It was like, what?
00:04:21Nine in the morning?
00:04:23And we're all getting breakfast.
00:04:26And some of the guys got pancakes to split at the table.
00:04:29So Fasoli had one of the pancakes.
00:04:30And so, you know, since he only had one giant pancake,
00:04:34he decided to get the breakfast pizza.
00:04:36But replaced...
00:04:38He asked for a modified breakfast pizza.
00:04:41So to get rid of the sauce on the pizza and replace it with gravy.
00:04:45I respect that move.
00:04:47Honestly.
00:04:48And just sitting there.
00:04:51And just...
00:04:53I felt like such a pussy ordering the Greek yogurt parfait afterwards.
00:04:58Yeah.
00:04:58After his gravy pizza with pancake appetizer.
00:05:02Yeah.
00:05:03Yeah.
00:05:04So, yeah.
00:05:05He only had one pancake.
00:05:06So he might as well upgrade the pizza and have his gravy sauce.
00:05:09Fasoli, was that an off-menu hack?
00:05:11No.
00:05:13Yeah, it was on the menu.
00:05:13It was a modified.
00:05:14I don't know.
00:05:15Is gravy pizza popular?
00:05:17It's the biggest thing on the menu.
00:05:19The biggest?
00:05:20What do you mean the biggest?
00:05:20Like the largest item?
00:05:21Yes.
00:05:22It was the largest item on the menu.
00:05:24To be fair, our waitress kind of talked him into it.
00:05:26He was like, I'm thinking about subbing and gravy.
00:05:28And she was like, that is 1,000% the move.
00:05:31You need to do that.
00:05:32Our other producer, Daggs, had a crazy move, though.
00:05:34He was like, how big are the pancakes?
00:05:36To the waitress.
00:05:37And then he put his arms like this.
00:05:38He started way too big.
00:05:39So, like, start small and go this direction.
00:05:41Where you were doing a tell me one thing?
00:05:43How big are the pancakes?
00:05:44And he started this big and was going in.
00:05:47Like, we're just...
00:05:47You live in a fantastical world of mythical possibility.
00:05:54Are the pancakes big?
00:05:55Like, then he started going like this.
00:05:57I was like, start pancake-sized.
00:05:59So, that's the crew we're rolling with.
00:06:01Fasoli then...
00:06:02What was it?
00:06:03He...
00:06:04I marked some things down.
00:06:06I wrote some things down about Fasoli, too.
00:06:08Robin Thicke.
00:06:09The duo of blurred lines.
00:06:13It's like, what were you saying?
00:06:14You said they were going to remake the show Robin Thicke?
00:06:17I met Robin Thicke.
00:06:19He met Robin Thicke.
00:06:20With Thicke, but then blurred lines.
00:06:21A fitting synonym.
00:06:24Blurred lines.
00:06:25And then, like, the deep voice is Thicke.
00:06:27I know you want it.
00:06:28That's my favorite Thicke line from that song.
00:06:31Damn, these guys are the next Run the Jewels.
00:06:34It's blurred lines.
00:06:38Robin Thicke, the duo.
00:06:40That's what it would be called if Thicke was...
00:06:46If Big was a woman.
00:06:48Robin Thicke.
00:06:48Yeah, you're right.
00:06:49Yeah, dudes can't really be Thicke.
00:06:52Dudes can be Thicke.
00:06:53I mean, Fasoli's a thousand percent Thicke.
00:06:55Well, yeah.
00:06:56If Fasoli goes on Beale Street, there'll be Robin Thicke.
00:07:00Give me your drone, bitch.
00:07:02Yes, yeah.
00:07:05They do say Memphis is the most dangerous big city out there.
00:07:08We haven't experienced any crime firsthand.
00:07:10I think it's, like, by far the highest violent crime rate in the country.
00:07:14Oh, yeah.
00:07:15I don't think there's a close second.
00:07:16But, like, people always, like...
00:07:17I hate when dorks are like, watch out for the crime.
00:07:20It's like, only cool people are victims of violent crime.
00:07:25In my opinion.
00:07:26Like, you have to be somebody.
00:07:27It's tough to get yourself in a situation, I think.
00:07:30You got to be like that.
00:07:31Yeah, you have to be cool enough to be looking for drugs,
00:07:34trying to get a hooker, and that's how you find yourself.
00:07:35You kind of got to be the man to get...
00:07:37Yeah.
00:07:38...to get shot up.
00:07:39...stabbed.
00:07:40Yes.
00:07:41No, because we asked, like...
00:07:42We asked somebody about the crime there.
00:07:43Like, there's this guy named Mr. Bubbles who sells bubbles,
00:07:46which is, like, the most apt name and career for Mr. Bubbles.
00:07:48Yep.
00:07:49And he got shot in the head.
00:07:50Yeah.
00:07:51That's, like, the most harmless thing you can do,
00:07:53is just be doing, like...
00:07:54He was a bubble salesman.
00:07:55I'm both down, but it is the sweetest thing in the world.
00:07:57There's no one more pure on this earth
00:07:59than a street corner bubble vendor.
00:08:02A bubble merchant.
00:08:04He got shot in the head.
00:08:05Bubble merchant.
00:08:06He's a bubble monger on the corner of Beale Street
00:08:09trying to make kids happy.
00:08:10It's like 50 cents a bubble.
00:08:12And then somebody shot him in the head.
00:08:14And somehow missed.
00:08:16I think it only grazed his head, and he has survived.
00:08:18Do you know why they shot Mr. Bubbles in the head?
00:08:21Somebody spilled beer in his bubble mix.
00:08:23And they shot him.
00:08:24Wait, wait, wait.
00:08:25What?
00:08:26Yeah.
00:08:26Wait, someone spilled beer on Mr. Bubble?
00:08:29In his mix.
00:08:31And they then shot him?
00:08:33Mr. Bubbles, like, yelled at him.
00:08:34They shot him.
00:08:35Grazed his temple.
00:08:36Oh, no.
00:08:37Yeah.
00:08:38Okay, so if someone, like,
00:08:40accidentally steps on our shoes tonight...
00:08:42Don't say a word.
00:08:43Yep, let's just accept that.
00:08:45Yeah.
00:08:45Just take it.
00:08:47But then we were like, is he fine?
00:08:49And he was like, yeah,
00:08:50he just licks our windows every once in a while.
00:08:53I was like, all right.
00:08:54I guess he's okay.
00:08:56Wait, what else?
00:08:57So he said, is Nick Cage black?
00:09:02We were trying to figure out whose name...
00:09:04Like, we're here with, like, Corey,
00:09:06who has, like, there's a lot of black Corys.
00:09:08We're here with Chris.
00:09:08There's a lot of black Chrises.
00:09:09There's, like, one black Kyle, I think,
00:09:11on the Ravens.
00:09:12Kyle Hamilton.
00:09:13Oh, of all?
00:09:16Is that the only black Kyle?
00:09:17No, no.
00:09:18We exist.
00:09:19Kyle Dugger.
00:09:21Kyle Dugger.
00:09:22Kyle the rapper.
00:09:23Yeah.
00:09:23Kyle.
00:09:24Oh, yeah.
00:09:25Okay.
00:09:25But, like, we were trying to figure out black Nicks,
00:09:30and Fasoli asked if Nick Cage was black,
00:09:32but he confused him with Marvel superhero Luke Cage.
00:09:38So it's been pretty awesome.
00:09:42Robin Thicke is so awesome.
00:09:43Robin Thicke is so funny.
00:09:45The duo.
00:09:46What was the controversy with the actual song, Blurred Lines?
00:09:53I think you just had, like, Emily Ratajkowski just dancing naked in the music video.
00:09:57No, no.
00:09:58The controversy is they stole the song from Marvin Gaye.
00:10:01I guess it has, like, one of the same...
00:10:03Oh, aren't the lyrics rapy?
00:10:04...melodies or bass lines as a Marvin Gaye song.
00:10:07The lyrics were not quite rapey.
00:10:09I think they were just about unenthusiastic consent.
00:10:12The lines are blurred.
00:10:13Very apathetic consent.
00:10:15But, yeah, I think Marvin Gaye, the Gay Estate, sued them just for vibes.
00:10:21Yeah, the Gay Estate.
00:10:22Their vibes were too, like, it was Marvin Gaye's song.
00:10:27Yeah.
00:10:27And the Gay Estate won, I think.
00:10:30Well, I think it was, like, the beat, maybe?
00:10:32Yeah, you have the beat of the melody.
00:10:35So that should fall on...
00:10:36Is that Mark Ronson who did that song, or...?
00:10:39I don't know who Mark Ronson is, but he pops up.
00:10:41Is he Macklemore's guy?
00:10:43No, no, no, no.
00:10:44He's a British producer.
00:10:46He also did that Bruno Mars song that, like, was enormous.
00:10:50What's that most famous Bruno Mars song?
00:10:52Uptown Funk.
00:10:53Yes, Uptown Funk.
00:10:54That's a Ronson original.
00:10:56I started reading his autobiography.
00:10:58You were reading Mark Ronson's autobiography?
00:10:59Yeah, it started off way too...
00:11:00You've got to stop unplugging your microphone.
00:11:03That's crucial.
00:11:05Yeah.
00:11:06Nervous tics when I podcast is unplug the microphone over and over.
00:11:11I'm hoping that this is going to be the best-sounding podcast
00:11:14you guys have recorded on the road.
00:11:17That's a pretty, pretty, pretty low bar.
00:11:19Yeah, I think the first three just didn't have audio
00:11:22when you were recording these on the road.
00:11:23Dude, uh...
00:11:24Rediscovering Season 1.
00:11:25I mean, we put out the video of our Alaska podcast,
00:11:28and it was just, it was like watching a GIF.
00:11:31It was nothing.
00:11:34It was nothing.
00:11:34And I'd imagine it was a pretty good one.
00:11:36I think we recapped all of the stuff.
00:11:38I think we recapped the whole drone incident
00:11:41where my friend trolled Fasoli.
00:11:43Oh, that's right.
00:11:44And said that they were writing the article
00:11:45about failed hometown heroes.
00:11:47And then we broke down Fasoli just inviting his uncle to the house,
00:11:48and it's just one of the bigger black men I've ever seen
00:11:51in Alaska.
00:11:52Mm-hmm.
00:11:52Yeah.
00:11:53If you want to talk about statistical anomalies...
00:11:56I guess you'd think some of his relatives would be black, but...
00:12:00Well, yeah, I think...
00:12:01Yeah, definitely.
00:12:02He's everything.
00:12:03But to have an...
00:12:04Fasoli, is it a black uncle?
00:12:08Is it an uncle?
00:12:10He's not related to it, but he grew up with his dad and his brother.
00:12:16So he's...
00:12:16He's a family friend, a very close family friend.
00:12:19He's been around for a long time.
00:12:20You blindsided, but, like, with an older man.
00:12:24Yeah.
00:12:29Interesting.
00:12:30No, but it feels good to be back on the road.
00:12:32We used to do these for, like, seven days in a row,
00:12:35and now we're condensed it down to three, four.
00:12:38Yeah.
00:12:38Yeah, we got it down.
00:12:39I'm excited about this one.
00:12:42Yeah, it's, like, three long days where we get a lot done.
00:12:45Enough for, like, a 45-minute video.
00:12:48So I'm pumped.
00:12:49I'm fueled by gravy pizza, so we're good.
00:12:52And, yeah, I don't know if you guys talked about this,
00:12:54but on the last trip in Minnesota, we met the first Nick hater, I think,
00:12:58that I have ever come across.
00:13:00They're out there.
00:13:01Yeah.
00:13:01They're out there.
00:13:02They're rare, but it was just a nice old woman who was nice to everybody
00:13:06except for Nick.
00:13:08Me and Kyle talked about that.
00:13:09Okay.
00:13:10You sent the clip, and it seems like it's scripted how much this nasty bitch hated me.
00:13:18You saw the clip, right?
00:13:19Yeah.
00:13:20To be fair, you were really bad at the accordion.
00:13:22No, I wasn't.
00:13:23You wasn't.
00:13:23I was pretty good.
00:13:25I mean, it's a pretty complex instrument.
00:13:27Eight instruments in one, and even if you're good at it, I'll say it now,
00:13:31the accordion sounds like shit.
00:13:33There we go.
00:13:34There we go.
00:13:34Let it up.
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:35Accordions suck.
00:13:36Accordions suck.
00:13:38She signed the release already, right?
00:13:40Accordions actually suck.
00:13:42They can suck and blow.
00:13:43Yeah, they suck and blow, and they sound like...
00:13:45Pulling them out.
00:13:46Yeah.
00:13:46Dude, it's like it's a fucking crumpled bagpipe.
00:13:51Weak-ass Merzik.
00:13:54You ever see the Memphis accents?
00:13:56Yeah.
00:13:58Lorilla.
00:13:59They say Merzik?
00:14:00Merzik.
00:14:01One guy, I was like, you know, like celebrities read mean tweets?
00:14:04Yeah.
00:14:04I think it was Pooh Shiesty, and he was like really sad, and he was like...
00:14:08He was reading, and he was like, Pooh Shiesty's Merzik is trash.
00:14:13And he's like, I'm only Herman.
00:14:16They treat me like...
00:14:17I'm only Herman.
00:14:18They treat me like I'm not even Herman.
00:14:21That's a good accent.
00:14:23You know how, like, whenever you go to a different city,
00:14:25you get that area's TikToks on your feed?
00:14:27Yeah, that's cool.
00:14:28Dude, have you opened up TikTok here?
00:14:29Um...
00:14:31It's only roller rinks.
00:14:33That's where these are.
00:14:34It's only roller rinks TikToks.
00:14:34Yeah, I've been loving on these.
00:14:35And there's this white dude named Phil that has like a platinum bottom tooth,
00:14:39and he just goes by in slow-mo and just shows it,
00:14:41and then just everybody's lusting after Phil.
00:14:44And then I'll go to the comments when Phil's not in it,
00:14:46and every comment's, where Phil?
00:14:49Those guys are swaggy.
00:14:50Yes, they're swaggy as fuck.
00:14:51Don, have you seen these rollerbladers?
00:14:53I have not.
00:14:54No, I didn't know rollerblading was actually big in the Memphis area.
00:14:57Yeah, roller skaters.
00:14:58Have you ever seen Roll Bounce?
00:15:00It's a classic canon.
00:15:02No, I've seen that movie about people on rollerblades
00:15:05where they play a sport that, like, is extremely violent.
00:15:09Murder ball.
00:15:10Murder ball.
00:15:11Yeah, yep.
00:15:12No, Roll Bounce.
00:15:12Yeah, that's the only rollerblading movie I've seen.
00:15:14Roller rink.
00:15:14Brandon used to do it.
00:15:15Brandon Walker.
00:15:17Pretty well.
00:15:18I threw a roller skating party when I lived out in Shanghai.
00:15:22We, like, rented a disco, and, yeah, it was an absolute failure.
00:15:27We lost a lot of money.
00:15:29How many people showed up to the roller disco in China?
00:15:33We probably got maybe, like, 75 people, but we...
00:15:37That seems like a pretty successful...
00:15:39Oh, my God.
00:15:39But there was, like, a 500-person capacity,
00:15:42and we had to rent the whole thing out
00:15:44and, like, buy enough booze for 500 people.
00:15:4775 people in a Chinese place has to be fucking on the low end.
00:15:52Yes.
00:15:53Their smallest towns have, like, 7 trillion people.
00:15:56Yeah.
00:15:57Their queen village is 6 and a half million.
00:16:00Yeah, like a remote town that doesn't get internet or groceries
00:16:05has upwards of 10 and a half million people.
00:16:08It's the life.
00:16:10Speaking of population size, KB, you taught me a very interesting fact.
00:16:16Yeah.
00:16:17What did I teach you?
00:16:18Okay.
00:16:20That Memphis is the largest city on the Mississippi River?
00:16:25Is that true?
00:16:26Without checking, I'm pretty sure.
00:16:27They have a pretty big city-proper population.
00:16:30But the ones that you'd think would have bigger,
00:16:36like Minneapolis, St. Louis, New Orleans, are tiny.
00:16:39Okay, yeah, because those are pretty much the only other ones I know.
00:16:42For the Mississippi being something that's so prominent
00:16:44and that's made America grow and boom,
00:16:47you would think we'd have one of our premier cities on the Mississippi River.
00:16:53There was a time when...
00:16:54If you had to choose a city on the Mississippi to live in, what would you pick?
00:16:56I mean, a lot of people thought St. Louis was going to become the Chicago
00:17:00and then just Chicago took off.
00:17:02But there was a time when everyone thought St. Louis
00:17:06was going to be the next big thing in America.
00:17:07Riggs is from St. Louis, right?
00:17:09Riggs-y boy is.
00:17:10I saw him wearing an Orlando Pace jersey backwards like Nelly once.
00:17:14Yeah.
00:17:18But, yeah, I mean, St. Louis, I know we're kind of not all fans of St. Louis,
00:17:23but, I mean, I spent one day there with you guys.
00:17:26Yeah, we had one day and it was like right by the ballpark,
00:17:28but it wasn't during baseball season, so.
00:17:31Yeah.
00:17:31They have a nice ballpark village.
00:17:34But that's kind of what their entire economy revolves around.
00:17:37Then, like, they're famous for cutting bagels the wrong way.
00:17:40Yeah.
00:17:41Well, they started Panera Bread.
00:17:44It's called St. Louis Bread Company there, right?
00:17:46And everywhere else it's called Panera.
00:17:48I didn't know that.
00:17:49I mean, yeah, I guess that's cool.
00:17:51A contribution to society.
00:17:52I like that their university is the Billikens.
00:17:55Little imps.
00:17:56That blue thing.
00:17:56That little blue thing.
00:17:58That's all right.
00:17:59You're just all right.
00:18:00Yeah.
00:18:00They have a...
00:18:01They're known for fried raviolis.
00:18:02It's a massive park.
00:18:05Enough on St. Louis.
00:18:06Yeah, this isn't about St. Louis.
00:18:07No, no, no.
00:18:08Donnie, you were saying...
00:18:10Are you about to get into Kyle?
00:18:11Oh, no, we can go ahead.
00:18:12You can start with Kyle and then do some Kyle talk first.
00:18:17This is your first A New Untold Story episode as an engaged man.
00:18:22Mm-hmm.
00:18:24Now, I will not be an avid participant in the label fiancé.
00:18:31It just doesn't feel right.
00:18:33Is the man a fiancé as well?
00:18:34It sounds very pretentious.
00:18:35I don't like being a fiancé.
00:18:36I always just thought the woman was a fiancé.
00:18:39Oh, you can be a male fiancé?
00:18:41That's gay.
00:18:41Yeah, that sounds very gay.
00:18:43I'm a male fiancé.
00:18:44I don't want to be a fucking fiancé.
00:18:47Dude, that's the wokest shit I've ever heard.
00:18:49It is.
00:18:50Males can't be fiancés.
00:18:53No male fiancés in the fucking Olympics this year.
00:18:56I'm, like, embarrassed I'm a fiancé.
00:18:59Dude, three syllables.
00:19:02Ew.
00:19:02Yeah.
00:19:03French accent at one.
00:19:05Fiancé.
00:19:06I mean, I'm married, and I'll, like, still catch myself just saying my girlfriend.
00:19:10That's tough to change.
00:19:13No, that's weird.
00:19:14Yeah, yeah, that's probably not good.
00:19:15The girlfriend is too juvenile.
00:19:17Fiancé's too sophisticated.
00:19:20My gal.
00:19:21My gal.
00:19:21Wife sounds...
00:19:23Yeah.
00:19:23Yeah, dude, you're going to be a husband.
00:19:26I can deal with that.
00:19:27You can deal with...
00:19:28Are you cool being a groom?
00:19:30Groom is fine.
00:19:31I've done it before.
00:19:32You haven't?
00:19:34I've been one before.
00:19:35You've been married?
00:19:36My wrestling coach.
00:19:37I've been a groom before.
00:19:38Groomed.
00:19:39You married...
00:19:40Yeah.
00:19:46So, and I felt like a...
00:19:48I did a photo shoot.
00:19:49We did a photo shoot.
00:19:50What?
00:19:51Who took the photos?
00:19:52This was very embarrassing.
00:19:53Wait a minute.
00:19:53You told me you had no photos of the engagement.
00:19:56This is tremendously...
00:19:57Because I didn't want...
00:19:59We tired a photographer.
00:20:02Tell me about the first day.
00:20:03Because you went to a scenic overlook.
00:20:04So, the first day, I am a mess.
00:20:08Trying to wing it.
00:20:10You're in, like, stained sweatpants in the picture I saw.
00:20:13With just a bulging ring box in your pocket.
00:20:15It looks so big.
00:20:17It looks like I had a jumbo Rubik's Cube.
00:20:19Looks like Ben Mance.
00:20:20In my pocket.
00:20:21We can...
00:20:21I can maybe show it.
00:20:23Were you going to propose in sweats?
00:20:25Shorts.
00:20:25They were shorts.
00:20:26Oh, they were shorts.
00:20:27Okay.
00:20:27Athletic shorts.
00:20:28Athletic shorts.
00:20:28Okay.
00:20:29But I thought it was fine if we were doing an overlook and I wanted to make it a surprise.
00:20:32So, we're driving on Mulholland, if you've ever heard of it.
00:20:35It's one of the most scenic roads I've ever been on.
00:20:40Yeah.
00:20:41And we keep passing scenic overlooks.
00:20:43And, like, that would be perfect.
00:20:44That would be perfect.
00:20:44But I didn't want to be like, let's stop there and get some pictures.
00:20:47Because I would never say that.
00:20:49But eventually, I was just like, we should stop at one of these overlooks.
00:20:53Now, I have a question.
00:20:55Did she know you were going to propose at some point on this trip?
00:20:59I think...
00:21:00I...
00:21:02Yes.
00:21:03I think so.
00:21:04Okay.
00:21:05I think so.
00:21:05But the pressure is...
00:21:06The pressure was even more on then.
00:21:08Because I wanted to make it a surprise.
00:21:10Mm-hmm.
00:21:11And we kept passing.
00:21:12And there was a TikTok DJ at one.
00:21:15And...
00:21:15Jesus.
00:21:16I was so pissed.
00:21:17We finally get a clear one.
00:21:20But people keep passing.
00:21:22Like, people keep, like, running by.
00:21:24So, I just couldn't do it.
00:21:26And that was, like, the most, like, shameful feeling.
00:21:29Like, not having to wait another 24 hours.
00:21:33Yeah.
00:21:35Did you choose your ring, like, with her?
00:21:38Like, did you get some input?
00:21:40Hey, what type of ring are you looking for?
00:21:42Or did you just completely wing it?
00:21:45And go out and...
00:21:46She kind of helped with the process.
00:21:49Because I don't know rings.
00:21:50Yeah.
00:21:50Yeah, I think that's the smart way to do it.
00:21:52How long did you have the ring until you proposed?
00:21:56A couple weeks.
00:21:57Oh, wow.
00:21:58Yeah.
00:21:59Anyway, but...
00:22:00So, we had to do...
00:22:00We did the photo shoot afterwards.
00:22:03You did a photo shoot?
00:22:06Hold up.
00:22:06What?
00:22:07What was that?
00:22:08That was a noise from somebody's device.
00:22:10Fasoli.
00:22:14Fasoli.
00:22:15He's talking about his engagement.
00:22:16And you're just...
00:22:16Are you watching YouTube?
00:22:19Fasoli, you're a recently engaged man yourself.
00:22:21Show some respect.
00:22:22Instagram update kind of fucked me up.
00:22:24And the Reels page is too...
00:22:26You're scrolling Reels while Kyle's talking about choosing his forever life partner?
00:22:30Oh, fuck this.
00:22:32I gotta get to Reels.
00:22:34I don't want to miss any Reels.
00:22:36I don't want to miss any Reels.
00:22:37Dude, there's nothing more insulting.
00:22:42Reels.
00:22:45Yeah.
00:22:46Okay.
00:22:47So, you hired a photographer, actually?
00:22:49I thought you did it.
00:22:50I'm recounting this horribly.
00:22:54But yeah, so we go to this beach.
00:22:56And it's in Newport Beach.
00:22:57And it's filled with beautiful boy surfers.
00:23:01Yeah.
00:23:02And this...
00:23:03The photographer had me...
00:23:05We had to do one where I had to jog behind her and then pick her up from the back and
00:23:14twirl her.
00:23:16And we had to do like 10 takes of that.
00:23:18One where we had to do...
00:23:19I had to do an airplane.
00:23:21Can I...
00:23:21Can I ask...
00:23:22What?
00:23:22Bro, I was so embarrassed.
00:23:24Can I...
00:23:24Can I ask a couple questions?
00:23:26Yeah.
00:23:28Did you decide to get a photographer like the day after?
00:23:32Or like right after?
00:23:33Obviously, I didn't decide this.
00:23:37Obviously.
00:23:37Right.
00:23:37You're the one that proposed.
00:23:39I don't think that's an obvious thing.
00:23:40No, I was game.
00:23:41Like we wanted to get pictures.
00:23:43So, we're like we might as well when we're in like one of the most beautiful parts of the
00:23:47country.
00:23:47Yeah.
00:23:48Do them on Newport Beach.
00:23:49So, how did you find this photographer?
00:23:51She found him.
00:23:53Like after you proposed?
00:23:54Was it the same day?
00:23:55It was like...
00:23:56It was the same day.
00:23:57Yeah.
00:23:57Okay.
00:23:59Yeah.
00:23:59And I'm like we start off normal like just standing on the beach.
00:24:03And I'm like perfect.
00:24:03I think that's good.
00:24:04She took like 26.
00:24:06I was like that's it.
00:24:06Let's go.
00:24:07And then...
00:24:09And then she said here comes the airplane.
00:24:11Where I had to get behind her.
00:24:12Explain to me the airplane.
00:24:13Grab her.
00:24:14Grab her.
00:24:15What's the airplane?
00:24:16I had to get behind her.
00:24:18And we had to interlock hands in different airplane wings.
00:24:22And I had to do a little fucking airplane.
00:24:25And the surfers are watching me.
00:24:27The surfers are catching waves in the background.
00:24:31She said she'll photoshop them out.
00:24:33But I'm like doing that in front of surfers.
00:24:35Some of the coolest dudes imaginable.
00:24:37I had to twirl her.
00:24:39There was this one where on a rock.
00:24:41Were you pretending to like laugh during it?
00:24:43What was your face?
00:24:43Or were you getting pissed in the pictures?
00:24:44I was getting pissed.
00:24:46And it was a photographer.
00:24:47But I had to do like moving things.
00:24:51Like I had to like kiss her on the temple.
00:24:53And then twirl her around.
00:24:57Do you have any of these?
00:24:58The worst was chasing.
00:24:59What?
00:25:00Yeah.
00:25:00Explain the chase.
00:25:01We had to get.
00:25:02We had to walk like 50 yards down the beach closer to the surfers.
00:25:07And she had to start running.
00:25:09And I had to jog after her.
00:25:11Because she wanted to get a bunch of motion.
00:25:13But she's.
00:25:14Your fiance is pretty competitive.
00:25:16Did she let you catch her?
00:25:17Or did she give you.
00:25:18It was.
00:25:18Yeah.
00:25:19Did you really have to run?
00:25:20I had to like pick her.
00:25:21Like tickle her chip.
00:25:22Gotcha.
00:25:23And pick her up.
00:25:26And.
00:25:28Are you just scowling in these pictures?
00:25:31When we got a preview.
00:25:33I look horrible.
00:25:36I look like a filthy bitch.
00:25:40I'm not even like being critical.
00:25:41What do you mean filthy bitch?
00:25:43I looked so pale and disgusting and fat.
00:25:47And like the filter.
00:25:48The filter made me look like shit.
00:25:50How much did this photographer clock?
00:25:53Cost.
00:25:53The last minute LA photographer.
00:25:55Bans.
00:25:56Really?
00:25:57Bans.
00:25:58Bans.
00:25:58I don't know.
00:25:59I didn't pay.
00:26:00What?
00:26:02You didn't pay?
00:26:03He already paid for the ring.
00:26:05He shouldn't have to pay for the photographer.
00:26:08I don't have them.
00:26:09I was so disgusted.
00:26:10How did you see them?
00:26:12I ruined the photos.
00:26:14Because I looked so shitty.
00:26:17I was in this like linen.
00:26:19These linen pants.
00:26:21And shirt that made me look just.
00:26:22Like a chubby short bitch.
00:26:26Was it too baggy or something?
00:26:27Or what?
00:26:28It was too baggy I think.
00:26:30Yeah.
00:26:30Did your girlfriend.
00:26:32Did your fiance agree that you looked like shit in these?
00:26:36Oh but.
00:26:37Yeah.
00:26:37Yeah.
00:26:37Dude while you.
00:26:44Like the same day you proposed.
00:26:48I just happened to just get in a huge argument.
00:26:50With my relationship in my life.
00:26:52In a fucking home.
00:26:53I did that too on the same day.
00:26:55Yeah.
00:26:57Okay.
00:26:57We had a lovely day.
00:26:59No.
00:26:59It was just like.
00:27:00You made this huge life decision.
00:27:01And I just brought my girlfriend to tears in HomeGoods.
00:27:05Let me guess.
00:27:09You wanted a product.
00:27:11Yeah.
00:27:14Okay.
00:27:15I was trying to do a cute nice date.
00:27:16What product did you want?
00:27:17I was trying to do this cute night date thing.
00:27:20Where I was like.
00:27:20Hey let's go to HomeGoods.
00:27:22Which is like a buzzword for her.
00:27:24Is it like Hobby Lobby?
00:27:26You have like different fixtures.
00:27:27It's like a lot of like.
00:27:29Vases.
00:27:30And like.
00:27:31Really really shitty decorations.
00:27:34And.
00:27:35What else is in HomeGoods?
00:27:37It's just like.
00:27:37Candles?
00:27:37Yeah.
00:27:38There's candles.
00:27:39Yeah.
00:27:39Let me.
00:27:40You wanted something that wasn't a conventional.
00:27:44Home.
00:27:46Object.
00:27:47Or centerpiece.
00:27:48Yeah.
00:27:48What was it?
00:27:49Okay.
00:27:49So we're shopping around.
00:27:50I was like.
00:27:51Hey.
00:27:51Was it a weapon?
00:27:52No.
00:27:53No.
00:27:53It wasn't a weapon.
00:27:54But we're in HomeGoods.
00:27:55And I was like.
00:27:56Hey.
00:27:56Like let's go pick out some Christmas decorations on me.
00:27:58Was it like a stone liver?
00:28:01Or like some type of organ?
00:28:02You're getting pretty close.
00:28:04And I was like.
00:28:05Here's the catch though.
00:28:05And I was just being cutesy.
00:28:06I was like.
00:28:07I get to pick out one ornament.
00:28:08I get to pick out one decoration.
00:28:10One Christmas decoration.
00:28:11Oh.
00:28:11This is for Christmas.
00:28:12Yeah.
00:28:12It's all Christmas stuff.
00:28:13And so we're.
00:28:14We're pushing the cart through.
00:28:15And she's filling it up.
00:28:16And she walked away to like.
00:28:17Look at another aisle.
00:28:18And I found something on the shelf.
00:28:20And I took it off.
00:28:21And I put it in the cart.
00:28:22And I was like.
00:28:22Hey babe.
00:28:23I picked out my decoration.
00:28:25It's already in the cart.
00:28:26So like.
00:28:26Whenever you're ready.
00:28:28And then she goes to the cart.
00:28:30And it's.
00:28:31It's a pretty big.
00:28:33Golden gorilla.
00:28:34With a backwards hat.
00:28:35Lifting a weight.
00:28:36Oh.
00:28:36And I just did.
00:28:38And I just did it as a joke.
00:28:40Right.
00:28:41Golden gorilla.
00:28:41Yeah.
00:28:42And I was like.
00:28:42I was fully planning on taking it out.
00:28:45Lifting a weight.
00:28:45What is that?
00:28:46Bench press?
00:28:46No.
00:28:46He's like curling.
00:28:47I'll show it to you.
00:28:48It's really fucking sick.
00:28:50Is it related to Christmas at all?
00:28:52No.
00:28:52Okay.
00:28:53But it's like a pretty.
00:28:55It's like this big.
00:28:56It's probably like that.
00:28:57And it's a golden gorilla.
00:28:59Backwards hat.
00:29:00Mean mugging.
00:29:02Just lifting.
00:29:03Curling.
00:29:04That's a pitiful piece.
00:29:06Yeah.
00:29:06Yeah.
00:29:06And that's why I saw it.
00:29:07And I was like.
00:29:08This is funny.
00:29:09And then.
00:29:10She didn't laugh.
00:29:11She just goes.
00:29:12No.
00:29:12We're not getting that.
00:29:13And that's when I was just like.
00:29:14I'm going to fight.
00:29:17We're going to fight.
00:29:17And so I decided to like die on the hill that we were getting the gorilla.
00:29:22And she was just like.
00:29:23I was being such a cunt, dude.
00:29:25She was just like.
00:29:25That's not Christmas.
00:29:26I was like.
00:29:26Says who?
00:29:27Who says that's not Christmas?
00:29:29People celebrate in different ways.
00:29:30And I was being such an asshole over this giant gorilla.
00:29:33That was substantially more expensive than any of the other decorations.
00:29:38Yeah.
00:29:39It's like $41.
00:29:40It's a little bit Christmas.
00:29:42It's a little bit Christmas.
00:29:44It's festive.
00:29:44And then she had something with gingerbread.
00:29:45And I was like.
00:29:46Why is gingerbread.
00:29:47I was being such an asshole.
00:29:48I was like.
00:29:48Name one movie with a gingerbread man.
00:29:50You can't say Shrek.
00:29:51Right.
00:29:52Yeah.
00:29:53Shrek isn't Christmas.
00:29:54And then.
00:29:54So it was just like.
00:29:55She was like welling up.
00:29:56And I was just like.
00:29:57I'm like.
00:29:58It's like.
00:29:58I was.
00:29:59And I was just like.
00:29:59I was being such an ass.
00:30:00I was just like.
00:30:02I like.
00:30:02I'm getting the.
00:30:03I'm getting the decorations.
00:30:04And like.
00:30:05Why can't.
00:30:05Like.
00:30:05I live in the house too.
00:30:06Why can't I pick out.
00:30:07And make my.
00:30:08And.
00:30:09That's a fair point.
00:30:10Well.
00:30:10It's a big golden gorilla.
00:30:12It's your money.
00:30:13You know.
00:30:14And.
00:30:15So now.
00:30:16We bring it home.
00:30:17And it.
00:30:18It looks like fucking shit.
00:30:20And.
00:30:22She's now like.
00:30:23I'm just like.
00:30:24Let's not have the golden gorilla out.
00:30:25And she's like.
00:30:25No.
00:30:25We're going to keep the golden gorilla out.
00:30:27So it's just like.
00:30:27In the middle of a Christmas village.
00:30:29On our shelf.
00:30:30Oh yeah.
00:30:30With the dumbbell.
00:30:31Yeah.
00:30:31So that's what I was doing.
00:30:32While you were making a beautiful.
00:30:34Lifetime commitment.
00:30:35I was.
00:30:35Airplaning with your girlfriend.
00:30:36On the beach.
00:30:37Oh my god.
00:30:38Arguing over an ape.
00:30:41I mean.
00:30:42On our last trip.
00:30:43You bought that like.
00:30:44A hundred pound missile.
00:30:46Yeah.
00:30:47Tank missile.
00:30:47But you just brought that straight to the anus studio.
00:30:49If you had brought that home.
00:30:51Would that have led to an argument?
00:30:53No.
00:30:54I.
00:30:55I have like a corner in the basement.
00:30:57Where I have like this.
00:30:58Statue of like an Asian Elvis.
00:31:00And like some other weird shit.
00:31:02I have like the Lance Bass people magazine.
00:31:04That the headline was just.
00:31:05I'm gay.
00:31:05I know it's.
00:31:06Yup.
00:31:06I'm gay.
00:31:07That's real.
00:31:08It's funny.
00:31:08I.
00:31:09And.
00:31:09She got mad.
00:31:10Cause I actually have two of those.
00:31:11Cause.
00:31:12I bought one off eBay.
00:31:13And it wasn't going to come in quick enough.
00:31:16So I bought another one off eBay.
00:31:18So I have two of those friends.
00:31:19Like I have a weird corner downstairs.
00:31:21Yeah.
00:31:21Okay.
00:31:22So that corner.
00:31:23Whatever you want to do goes.
00:31:24Yeah.
00:31:24It's getting pretty filled up.
00:31:28But.
00:31:29No.
00:31:29She wouldn't have been too mad.
00:31:30But like.
00:31:30Yeah.
00:31:30We gave.
00:31:31That was a nice giveaway at the comedy show.
00:31:34Oh.
00:31:34You gave the missile away at the show.
00:31:36Yeah.
00:31:36Yeah.
00:31:37Just.
00:31:38The host was like.
00:31:39Hey.
00:31:39We're doing a missile giveaway.
00:31:40And he pointed to it.
00:31:41And like.
00:31:41It just.
00:31:42Nobody.
00:31:42Everybody was like.
00:31:42Corey was there.
00:31:43Everybody was kind of freaked out.
00:31:46Are we allowed to take that?
00:31:48It's unsettling to look at.
00:31:50It is.
00:31:51It's pretty.
00:31:51It's a missile.
00:31:51So.
00:31:52With my set.
00:31:53I was just like.
00:31:53Hey.
00:31:54Who wants this missile?
00:31:54And two dudes raised their hand.
00:31:56I was like.
00:31:56Are you serious?
00:31:57They were like.
00:31:58Yeah.
00:31:58I was like.
00:31:58Come get it.
00:31:59And then they got the missile.
00:32:00And I was about to start my set.
00:32:01But then they just left.
00:32:02They left.
00:32:03He just took the missile.
00:32:04They got what they wanted out of me.
00:32:08And left.
00:32:09Was your show just filled with missile connoisseurs?
00:32:11It was just a bunch of.
00:32:12Yeah.
00:32:12Everybody just left after I gave away the missile.
00:32:14It's all right.
00:32:15It was a missile.
00:32:15All right.
00:32:15No point being here anymore.
00:32:17It was like.
00:32:17How do you even take that home?
00:32:19Luckily they live down the street.
00:32:22But yeah.
00:32:23I think it's.
00:32:24That is pretty scary to walk around with.
00:32:26Yeah.
00:32:27For sure.
00:32:28All right.
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00:34:16Okay, guys, tiny little break to talk about our best friends over at game time.
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00:34:35I feel you looking at me.
00:34:37I'm doing awesome.
00:34:39What the hell?
00:34:41Kyle, I got tickets.
00:34:42I'm taking my dad to the Steelers-Bears game in Chicago.
00:34:47What?
00:34:47You don't have a mic.
00:34:48You're going?
00:34:48Yeah.
00:34:49With who?
00:34:50A whole bunch of people.
00:34:51What?
00:34:52Yeah.
00:34:54All right.
00:34:55I guess I'll see you there.
00:34:57Beyonce's family.
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00:36:34This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
00:36:36Shorter days don't have to be so dismal.
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00:37:34What else did Fasoli say?
00:37:36He said he found out Santa Claus, he found out Santa Claus isn't real in the same sentence
00:37:44that he found out porn is real?
00:37:47Yeah.
00:37:47He said it was his sister's friends on the bus.
00:37:49They were like, Santa's not real and go to xhamster.com.
00:37:53I think that's exactly how you're talking about it.
00:37:55X porn, X video, X video.
00:37:56So you lost Santa, gained porn.
00:37:59That's a solid trade-off.
00:38:00That's like a goth Stafford trade.
00:38:04Yeah, it is.
00:38:08Sixth grade is too old, by the way.
00:38:10Sixth grade is too old for...
00:38:12To believe in Santa.
00:38:13Santa, I think too young for porn.
00:38:14Maybe a little too young for porn.
00:38:17That's the worst time of your life.
00:38:18Too old for Santa, too young for porn.
00:38:20You want a window of time.
00:38:21What a depressing guy.
00:38:23That's a funny t-shirt.
00:38:28Can we get that?
00:38:30Can we get that out for Black Friday?
00:38:31Too old for Santa, too young for porn.
00:38:33Yeah, and it's just got like a little Santa and like a pussy.
00:38:36It's a sad little eager.
00:38:38It's got Santa and a cock.
00:38:40Santa and a cock.
00:38:42What does that shirt mean, dude?
00:38:44What are you talking about?
00:38:46You're plenty old for porn.
00:38:48I think I had my first wet dream in the sixth grade.
00:38:50Dude, did I tell you my first wet dream?
00:38:52So I think you're not too young for porn.
00:38:56It depends on your pubescence.
00:38:58True.
00:38:58My first wet dream, it shows that-
00:39:00I was old for my grid.
00:39:01Yeah.
00:39:01Were you?
00:39:02Yes.
00:39:03I stayed back in preschool.
00:39:05What's up?
00:39:06What was your first wet dream about?
00:39:07We're not going to talk about that.
00:39:09Dude, mine was about jerking off.
00:39:11In the unlimited creativity of the mind, I just dreamt about jerking off.
00:39:15I didn't.
00:39:16No, it took me a little bit to realize I could just use my hand.
00:39:20I kind of just used to like hump a pillow or something.
00:39:21You would hump a pillow?
00:39:22Oh, yeah.
00:39:24Yeah.
00:39:25Back when you were in like seventh, eighth grade, you would-
00:39:29Not you, I'm meaning the queen's you.
00:39:32You would fuck anything.
00:39:35Yeah.
00:39:36Oh, yeah.
00:39:37Yeah, that was a haunted brothel.
00:39:39I was trying to contact the spirits.
00:39:42We went to dinner in the Bass Pro Shops Pyramid yesterday, and we brought up to you how many
00:39:50flaccid dicks you've seen.
00:39:52Yeah.
00:39:52Again, you guys brought that up to me.
00:39:54When I proceed with the rest, remember, you brought it up.
00:39:59It was like a weird moment in the dinner, and Kyle was just like, you guys want to know?
00:40:06I did not say you guys want to know how many flaccid dicks I've seen.
00:40:09We were talking about sports and top tier athletes.
00:40:12Me, as a men's wrestler, college and high school, you guys assumed I've seen a lot.
00:40:19And we assumed correctly.
00:40:21Oddly, not a crazy amount in college or high school.
00:40:25Just my teammates and some guys at tournaments, but-
00:40:29What about just at parties?
00:40:32Yeah, but it's the same guys I've already seen.
00:40:35Oh, yeah.
00:40:35Okay.
00:40:35No new ones.
00:40:36It's a rerun.
00:40:36But I've seen the mass bulk of the vast majority of the penises I've seen.
00:40:42Yeah, you can't say mass bulk before you talk about boy penis.
00:40:46We're, and this was a repressed memory, we're youth boys.
00:40:52As opposed to what kind of boys?
00:40:54While you were a youth as well.
00:40:56That makes them seem even smaller.
00:40:58Youth boys.
00:40:59The rules at wrestling tournaments, in college and high school, you have to be in at least briefs to weigh in.
00:41:04But in youth, at youth tournaments, there were no rules.
00:41:11And I think I repressed this for a good reason.
00:41:15Because otherwise my repertoire of memories would be felonious.
00:41:19It would be child porn.
00:41:21But now that I, it's so weird thinking back that all of these youth wrestling tournaments were filled with little boys weighing in completely naked.
00:41:30How old, you did it completely naked?
00:41:32I did it a couple times.
00:41:33How, how, do you remember the size of your piece?
00:41:38No, because it wasn't, it had to be non-existent.
00:41:41It was barely poking out.
00:41:42I remember I did it at Waynesboro, not Shippensburg, Pennsylvania.
00:41:46I remember doing it.
00:41:48And then the tables were like, you can't cover, you can't cover it with your hands.
00:41:52Because we don't know what's, we don't know if there's foreign objects in your palms.
00:41:57And are you just.
00:41:58No, there's no way they said that to you.
00:42:00They demanded to see your boy dick.
00:42:02You know, so, youth wrestling tournaments, the kids working the tables were kids.
00:42:06They were like 14 year olds.
00:42:08So they were like freshmen in high school.
00:42:10And I'm like 11.
00:42:11And I have to weigh in naked right in front.
00:42:13I remember the tables right here in front of you.
00:42:16Like how far away were they from your boy penis?
00:42:18From here to where?
00:42:21From you to where?
00:42:22Like a big penis away.
00:42:24Like this?
00:42:25You're weighing in right in front of them.
00:42:27And are they sitting down?
00:42:28Like a lot of us, we're not, we're not like cutting weight like that, but we're still close
00:42:32enough where we had to go naked.
00:42:36I was, I was wrestling like 60 pounds weighing in naked.
00:42:41I remember.
00:42:42And are you surrounded by like all the parents?
00:42:44All the parents.
00:42:45Is there a towel to get in?
00:42:46Or are you just walking around the room naked?
00:42:48Everyone's naked.
00:42:49It's like in the auxiliary girls volleyball gym.
00:42:52Where the lighting is kind of like orange.
00:42:53It's just filled with naked boys and then adults working the weigh-ins.
00:43:00And that was just the norm in the 2000s.
00:43:02So like the first time you did it, was it, was it just so normal?
00:43:05You were like, yeah, I'm just naked.
00:43:07It was part of the culture.
00:43:08And we were all so desperate to make weight and eat and drink that we didn't even think
00:43:13anything of it.
00:43:14It was like survivalism.
00:43:16Did anybody ever like comment about your nudity?
00:43:19No, it was just part of the culture.
00:43:22There's no way that still happens.
00:43:23There's this team called Aliquippa.
00:43:25They have a, they're a football powerhouse outside of Pennsylvania, Beaver County.
00:43:29And I remember all the, the dads would hold their kids up upside down naked and shake
00:43:36them because there was like a myth that that would like decrease an ounce or two.
00:43:41Dude, I can kind of get on board with that.
00:43:43So we, like the weigh-in rooms of these youth wrestling tournaments were naked upside down
00:43:48children.
00:43:48And they were being shaken?
00:43:49Shaken.
00:43:50And then like there was another myth that if you stand on your head naked.
00:43:53So it was just a bunch of upside down, upside down naked boys that are under 70 pounds.
00:43:58Yeah.
00:43:58And like guys judging them at tables?
00:44:02Well, just making sure they made weight.
00:44:03What was the scale like?
00:44:04Was it like the sliding scale or like?
00:44:06No, it was, it was electronic by this point.
00:44:08Or did they just pick you up and you're like, yeah, you're good.
00:44:11Give you a little squeeze.
00:44:12Yeah.
00:44:13Yeah.
00:44:13You're solid.
00:44:14That's so weird.
00:44:15So how many dicks have you seen then?
00:44:19I was going to a lot of tournaments.
00:44:22Every Saturday, sometimes two a weekend for 15 years, 15 times.
00:44:30And how many people were competing in tournaments?
00:44:33Hundreds apiece.
00:44:34I could be in the 10,000 club.
00:44:3810,000 dicks?
00:44:40No.
00:44:40Because most, most, most were in at least underwear.
00:44:44Probably in the high hundreds.
00:44:46The high hundreds.
00:44:48Yeah.
00:44:49A lot of trauma goes into wrestling.
00:44:50I feel like not a lot of reward.
00:44:53Besides, you didn't have to pay for college, right?
00:44:54Did you get like a scholarship to Kent State?
00:44:57I lost it and then I lost it when I got arrested twice.
00:45:00Okay.
00:45:01But not all of it.
00:45:02All those, all those cocks are for nothing.
00:45:05Just a lot of it?
00:45:05How much did you lose?
00:45:06Not a lot of it, but I didn't have a full ride by any means.
00:45:09Okay.
00:45:11Was it worth it?
00:45:15What?
00:45:16Wrestling in general.
00:45:18We talked about this not too long ago because you punted on
00:45:20nothing.
00:45:21Any sort of normal experience.
00:45:23The first time you were ever a normal boy was after college.
00:45:31It caused a significant social deficits for sure, but I was still
00:45:35like doing shit.
00:45:35I was still driving with my boys.
00:45:37I was still driving with the boys in the movies.
00:45:39But they were all wrestlers as well.
00:45:41I had some non-wrestling friends.
00:45:42Yeah.
00:45:42You had to sacrifice a lot, but nothing is as hard as it.
00:45:48So in comparison, the life isn't that bad.
00:45:55Okay.
00:45:55Nothing is as hard as...
00:45:56Dude, that's the worst sales pitch I've ever heard.
00:46:00People say once you've wrestled, everything else in life is easy,
00:46:03which isn't true.
00:46:03But nothing is as hard as cutting weight and then losing.
00:46:10Yeah, that does suck.
00:46:12I think that's the main way.
00:46:14How much of wrestling was fun?
00:46:17Let's say you have 5,000 hours wrestling in your life of cutting weight,
00:46:20all this stuff.
00:46:21What percentage is fun?
00:46:23None.
00:46:23It's just the feeling after winning.
00:46:26Yeah.
00:46:26Like when you have like your rival pinned, do you get like a jolt of ecstasy?
00:46:32I will.
00:46:33Yeah.
00:46:33Like winning in a one-on-one combat sport is a top feeling.
00:46:38So that's why people do it.
00:46:41You said you just thought of something though?
00:46:42Yeah.
00:46:44So if Marvin Gaye sued Robin Thicke, the case was Thicke V. Gay.
00:46:52That was the landmark case that changed the music industry forever.
00:46:56It might have been Thicke V. Gay.
00:47:00Or Gay V. Thicke V. Gay.
00:47:02Like a James Charles identity crisis.
00:47:06He's a Thicke V. Very Gay.
00:47:07Which one am I?
00:47:08Yeah.
00:47:09I gotta pick one.
00:47:10Yeah.
00:47:11Should I be Thicke?
00:47:12Saucy Santana.
00:47:13What?
00:47:15I always mention Saucy.
00:47:17I don't know who Saucy Santana is.
00:47:18You bring him up.
00:47:19Cishet dudes have no idea who Saucy Santana is.
00:47:22Who is Saucy Santana?
00:47:23He's the thickest, gayest black man.
00:47:26What makes him?
00:47:27Is he a rapper or something?
00:47:28I don't know.
00:47:29He's just in the zeitgeist.
00:47:32Saucy Santana.
00:47:33Oh.
00:47:34Oh, man.
00:47:35Oh, my.
00:47:36Donnie, you were talking about a rap battle you got into that ended up leading to you getting
00:47:46punched in the face?
00:47:48Yes.
00:47:49So, yeah.
00:47:50We were talking about that because we toured a drum shop here.
00:47:53And they had a lot of cymbals, Zildjian cymbals.
00:47:55I knew the Zildjian family.
00:47:59They lived in my town.
00:48:01And, yeah, they went to a house party at their house.
00:48:05And I was, you know, a habitual freestyle rapper back in the day.
00:48:11There's got to be a shorter name for that.
00:48:14No.
00:48:16I wouldn't do it.
00:48:21I'm not going to say it.
00:48:22Okay.
00:48:24I was known to freestyle from time to time.
00:48:27And there was another rapper at the house party.
00:48:30And we got into a rap battle.
00:48:33You know, I thought it was all fun and games.
00:48:36You know, no holes barred.
00:48:38Was it another rapper or did you just go up to a guy?
00:48:40No, like, I didn't go up and challenge this guy.
00:48:43I think, like, I think he was maybe, he was rapping at the party.
00:48:47And I was like, oh, I rap too.
00:48:48And then he was like, yo, let's battle.
00:48:51So, we started going back and forth.
00:48:53And I think, you know.
00:48:54What kind of fuck?
00:48:55It's like a Disney movie.
00:48:57It's a Disney movie.
00:48:59I don't know if that's how it went down.
00:49:01He was just randomly rapping at a party.
00:49:03Yes.
00:49:04And this was a guy I did not know.
00:49:05He was, like, from like.
00:49:06Dude, you're in the house of a cymbal mogul.
00:49:09Oh, my God.
00:49:09Who's this fucking douchebag rapping?
00:49:12In the Zildjian house.
00:49:14And there's another one.
00:49:15Oh, fuck.
00:49:18He was from a couple towns over.
00:49:20So, I did not know this guy.
00:49:22I didn't know most of the people at the party.
00:49:23I was there with about three or four friends.
00:49:26And, yeah.
00:49:27I mean, it's a rap battle.
00:49:28Like, you would assume that nothing's off limits.
00:49:31And I think I dropped a bar about his mom and immediately got punched in the face.
00:49:37And then the three friends I was with, one guy walks up and he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:49:41What's going on here?
00:49:42He gets punched in the face.
00:49:44And then my next friend comes up.
00:49:45He's like, all right, all right.
00:49:46What's going on there?
00:49:47And then he gets punched in the face.
00:49:49Rap isn't supposed to be violent, man.
00:49:51And then immediately all my friends have just been punched in the face.
00:49:54By the guy you were rap battling?
00:49:57The guy and all of his friends.
00:49:59It was the dude I was rap battling who punched me.
00:50:02And then when my friend walked up being like, yo, what the fuck's going on?
00:50:04Then, like, his friends came and punched him.
00:50:07And it was kind of just like the domino effect.
00:50:09All my friends got punched in the face.
00:50:10You won the battle.
00:50:12He won the war.
00:50:14But did you, is this somebody that you just said something hypothetically about his mom?
00:50:18Or did you know personal information about her?
00:50:20Oh, I did not know this guy at all.
00:50:22It was probably just, like, your mom's fat.
00:50:24Like, it was not a very personal jab.
00:50:27It was not, like, I didn't know anything, like, any inside details about his mom.
00:50:33But I think, actually, I don't know what happened.
00:50:36So, that, like, we kind of all black out and leave the party.
00:50:41And then the following morning, I was, like, talking to someone who was there.
00:50:47And they were, like, dude, like, after you guys left, the cops came and, like, raided the party.
00:50:52Everybody just, like, sprinted away.
00:50:55And then they were, like, and the cops said that, like, one of you guys called the cops?
00:51:01Like, and I was, like, what?
00:51:03I don't think that happened.
00:51:05They were, like, yeah.
00:51:05I think, like, it was, like, one of the neighbors who had, like, called the police.
00:51:12And I, like, swear to God, it seemed like I was being blamed for having called the cops on this party.
00:51:17Are you sure you just didn't roll up to this party blackout drunk and start rapping at people?
00:51:21And then get thrown out?
00:51:23They're just, like, fuck these guys.
00:51:23That might have been it?
00:51:25Oh, fuck.
00:51:26It's my neighbor.
00:51:27He's going to start rapping.
00:51:29No, no.
00:51:30That did not happen.
00:51:31We were welcome at the party until all of us got punched in the face.
00:51:35But still, to this day, I'm, like, I don't, like, I would not call the cops on a party.
00:51:41But I don't know.
00:51:42Maybe there's, like, a 5% chance I was so pissed off that when I came home blackout, I just called the cops on this party.
00:51:49That's a narrow cast move.
00:51:49I would bet you.
00:51:50I don't think I have that narc bone in me.
00:51:52I would bet you, since, like, our ages at Barstool are, like, mid to late 20s to early 30s,
00:51:58every single one of us in content had an attempted rap phase.
00:52:05Oh, my God.
00:52:05Yes.
00:52:06Me and KB, for sure.
00:52:08I did.
00:52:09Yeah.
00:52:09I did.
00:52:10I can document it.
00:52:10It was just the norm.
00:52:12I mean, I was the member of a very successful hip-hop group.
00:52:16You were, like, the guy that left the Beatles right before.
00:52:19I was Pete Best of the Beatles.
00:52:20Yeah.
00:52:21Yeah.
00:52:22That was the Beatles drummer who got kicked out right before Ringo.
00:52:25But, no, I was making music with two guys in college, and we called ourselves Time Flies.
00:52:32One of them was my age.
00:52:33The other one was the year below us.
00:52:34And then I graduated.
00:52:36My friend Cal had to do another year of college because he wasn't really going to class that much.
00:52:42And so I graduate college.
00:52:44I don't have a lot going on for me.
00:52:46I end up moving to China to teach English.
00:52:48And then that, like, last year at college, they start taking the music thing a little
00:52:53more seriously, start sending their music out to blogs, and they, like, really blew up
00:52:57those years.
00:52:58So while I'm just, like, teaching English in Bumblefuck China, the two friends that I
00:53:02made music with are, like, blowing up and touring the country.
00:53:06Yeah, they were massive.
00:53:07Time Flies Tuesday.
00:53:08Time Flies Tuesday.
00:53:09They had a YouTube series.
00:53:10I was huge when I was early college.
00:53:12Yes.
00:53:12You were the first rapper out of all of us, though, time-wise.
00:53:15Started in sixth grade.
00:53:18Baytree Monkey.
00:53:19You had a, you were giving out a set tape.
00:53:20That's, you know why?
00:53:21That was my era post-Santa Claus pre-porn.
00:53:25Yeah.
00:53:25Where I had so much.
00:53:26That's what you're doing.
00:53:27Creativity and empty, um.
00:53:29Yeah.
00:53:29It's either you believe in Santa.
00:53:31Yeah.
00:53:32Then you rap.
00:53:33Then you rap and then you come.
00:53:35Then you start beating.
00:53:35Then you start beating your fucking shit.
00:53:37That's, like, that's the new, like, you know, the evolution of man graphic.
00:53:43It's a little boy, like, writing a letter to Santa, rapping, and then just tugging on
00:53:48their fucking shit.
00:53:49That's the stages.
00:53:50That's the, that is all, that is the three stages of boyhood.
00:53:55What were some Baytree Monkey songs?
00:53:57I remember you were giving out cassettes.
00:53:58Fruit salad.
00:54:00I remember the, I remember the, I remember your cassette name was called Steam Room.
00:54:04Steam Room.
00:54:05And it was your little boy face taped over 50 Cent's body, but not the real 50 Cent, the
00:54:10PS2 50 Cent, or the, like, a, a, a, a polygon 50 Cent.
00:54:13Of course, yeah.
00:54:14Of course.
00:54:15What was fruit salad about?
00:54:18Um, I was, like, pretty good at writing.
00:54:21For, like, you were in, like, fifth grade.
00:54:23How did you come up with the concept to call it Steam Room?
00:54:26Um, because, like, you're, you're, you're hot, you're, you're bringing fire lyrics that
00:54:33I don't know.
00:54:33I remember, like, I had a really weird understanding of, like, what was cool and what was sexual.
00:54:41It's like, my, my lyrics were about, um, dudes in the studio shaking their booty.
00:54:46I thought shaking your booty was just all-encompassing, like, some, dude, that's the gay stuff.
00:54:54I thought that was just something cool to rap about.
00:54:57You thought shaking booty was for a matter of what?
00:54:59I remember, like, downtown studio, my buddy shaking his booty, yo, and I'm thugging it out
00:55:04with some guys from the hoodie, yo.
00:55:08Shake it, hop it, I rap for a small profit.
00:55:10But, yeah, there was a lot of lyrics about my boys shaking their booty.
00:55:17I thought that was, that was hard.
00:55:20And you don't blame me.
00:55:22A lot of rap music was about, like, booty shaking.
00:55:25And no one, like, people that you can-
00:55:26Ungendered booty shaking.
00:55:28Yeah, they never-
00:55:29I feel like-
00:55:30It was never fun for women.
00:55:31Like, you might have just missed it.
00:55:33Yeah, like, Cisco came out with a thong song around that.
00:55:36But it never said the woman's thong song.
00:55:37It was only females shaking their booty.
00:55:39It was always, like, yeah, just general ass shaking.
00:55:41And I was like, all right, noted.
00:55:43I got some material.
00:55:45I know some people.
00:55:47So, would you, like, name drop your boys?
00:55:49Like, Shelton shaking his booty?
00:55:50No, but it was, like I said, downtown studio, my buddy shaking his booty, yo.
00:55:53And I'm thugging it, dude.
00:55:56And I was at the high school football game singing that in a circle with my hat out getting dollar bills.
00:56:04I don't remember that.
00:56:06Wait, you would perform this live?
00:56:07Under the bleachers by the concession stand.
00:56:10I don't know how I- I was, like, such an anxious and shy kid, but I was rapping for crowds.
00:56:15Dude, I was doing magic at those same football games.
00:56:18I was going up to people turning a $2 bill into two ones.
00:56:22You were, bro.
00:56:23Yeah, you and I just had that corner on lock for the entertainment.
00:56:26We did.
00:56:29The two autist middle schoolers at the corner.
00:56:35Yeah, because that's not something, like, you're not the most performative guy these days.
00:56:40Like, you wouldn't-
00:56:41I wasn't then either.
00:56:43It was, like, I thought I was so good that, like, I had to do it.
00:56:46Why Baytree Monkey?
00:56:48I know you lived on Baytree Drive.
00:56:50Why monkey?
00:56:51Uh, racist.
00:56:57I didn't know any better.
00:57:00Oh, man.
00:57:01All right.
00:57:01Anything else, boys?
00:57:02I got one steam room story, if you guys want to hear it.
00:57:07Um, it's, uh, yeah.
00:57:08A better sauna?
00:57:10Yeah.
00:57:10My friend was at the steam room in the New York Athletic Club.
00:57:13He would go sometimes during his lunch break.
00:57:15That's a gay haven, no?
00:57:17Yeah, he did not know that.
00:57:18And so he was in-
00:57:19Me either.
00:57:20The steam room sometimes.
00:57:29Fuck.
00:57:30He would go there and try to take, like, a half-hour nap sometimes during his lunch break.
00:57:34So he went there, he dozed off, and he woke up to a 75-year-old man fondling his nuts.
00:57:41That'll happen.
00:57:42Who's nuts?
00:57:43His own nuts.
00:57:45Oh, okay.
00:57:45Your boy's nuts.
00:57:46Your boy's nuts?
00:57:47My boy's nuts.
00:57:48Wait, a seven-year-old man fondling your boy's nuts?
00:57:50Yes.
00:57:51So your boy got sexually assaulted.
00:57:52Sexually assaulted, and he woke, but he was, like, it was a very, like, elderly man.
00:57:56So he didn't want to just, like, all of a sudden attack him, start punching him in the face.
00:58:00So he woke up, he was like, what the fuck?
00:58:01And the man just ran out of the room.
00:58:04And so then my friend calls the police, and the police, like, show up, and he, like, explains what happened.
00:58:11And the police just start laughing at him.
00:58:13And they're like, dude, they're like, dude, why didn't you beat him up?
00:58:16He was an old man.
00:58:16That's true.
00:58:17Yeah, you should have beat up the old man.
00:58:18That's true.
00:58:19Like, that's probably the only fight I'm ever going to win anyway.
00:58:22That's a given.
00:58:24That's the one you have to take.
00:58:25Like, yeah, but I feel like if you punch, like, a 75-year-old man in the face, like, there's a good chance he's just dead.
00:58:31I think you at least got to let you die.
00:58:32You don't want to have murder on your conscience.
00:58:34You also don't want to fight naked.
00:58:35Like, if I ever got, like, if we're on Beale Street and I get cornered by some fellas, I'm ripping my clothes off.
00:58:43Yeah.
00:58:44But I feel like if you wake up to a dude fondling your balls and your knee-jerk reaction isn't to beat the shit out of him, then maybe you enjoyed it.
00:58:53That, or maybe, like, maybe that's a thing there.
00:58:56I don't think he enjoyed it.
00:58:58He just, like, I don't know what you're going to do.
00:59:01His first response was just like, what the fuck?
00:59:03No, you're right.
00:59:04I don't know if I would touch him up.
00:59:06Yeah.
00:59:06Yeah, and then, yeah, I mean, this story is not related at all, but another friend was on New Orleans trying to buy some blow, and a dude told him, hey, listen, if you can stare at my penis for...
00:59:23If you can stare as a grotesque?
00:59:24He goes, he goes...
00:59:25Was it, like, an illusion?
00:59:26No.
00:59:27It'll make you dizzy.
00:59:28He missed it.
00:59:30He goes, all I...
00:59:32You can have an eye spy book down there.
00:59:33He goes, all I need is for you to just look at my dick for three minutes, and I'll give you a bag of coke for free.
00:59:39Three minutes?
00:59:39And so, my friend said, yeah, yeah, sure.
00:59:41He didn't have to touch it or anything.
00:59:42He just had to look at this guy's cock for a few minutes.
00:59:44I think your buddy's lying to you, and he might have just sucked a cock.
00:59:47He's like, no, man.
00:59:48I just had to look at it.
00:59:49Your buddy sucked a dick.
00:59:50He sucked that cock.
00:59:51Your buddy sucked that cock.
00:59:52Oh, yeah.
00:59:53I just, oh, I just looked at it for three minutes.
00:59:55Yeah, dude, I just had to stare at his cock.
00:59:57These are two completely different people, Joe.
00:59:59If it was the same person telling me those two same stories,
01:00:02I would definitely have my suspicions.
01:00:05Understandable.
01:00:06Yeah, dude, I just had to look at a cock.
01:00:08Yeah, so we're going to Beale Street tonight.
01:00:11Let's hopefully not have to stare at any cocks.
01:00:13Yeah, we'll see.
01:00:15Whatever we have to do.
01:00:16Shake our booty-o.
01:00:17Shake the booty-o.
01:00:19All right.
01:00:19All right.
01:00:19God bless.
01:00:20God bless.
01:00:21God bless.
01:00:21God bless.
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