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Reality Realm US
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Short filmTranscript
00:00So just make sure to eat plenty of low-acid foods, and avoid caffeine and alcohol.
00:04They can further irritate the stomach lining.
00:06Any questions?
00:07Yeah. Can I pet the pony now?
00:09You may.
00:09Okay. Hi!
00:11Oh, I love your hair!
00:13Some people hate hospitals, but everybody loves a pony!
00:17So I decided to bring in a professional therapy horse to help boost the morale of our patients.
00:23But there has been an unanticipated downside.
00:26Matt, we got another coat brown.
00:30I don't know what they feed that animal, but it is alarmingly fiber-rich.
00:35Ma'am, be careful. There's just a little mess.
00:38Ma'am, right there!
00:42And right down the barrel.
00:44Um, let's track and bleach. Yeah, track and bleach.
00:46Somebody grab her. She's headed to radiology.
00:48Ma'am?
00:49Why is it so much?
00:50I'm spreading it everywhere.
00:53Matt!
00:56Hey, uh, where are you going? What are you doing with those?
01:13It's for the Tomopod. Remember, you signed for it?
01:16Tomopod?
01:16Are you talking about that fancy new full-body scanner I've been seeing promoted by recognizable actors on Instagram?
01:24Well, I don't think that belongs here.
01:26Unless a plucky administrator talked him into sending one.
01:32That's right.
01:33This month, St. Dennis is hosting our own in-house Tomopod!
01:38Sorry, before we call our loved ones with the good news, what exactly is a Tomopod?
01:43It's only the next frontier in early detection.
01:45Yeah, it scans your body at the cellular level to detect any abnormalities that could be lurking inside.
01:50Things like bulging discs, pulmonary nodules.
01:53Nobody needs this.
01:55What's all these preemptive scans do is send people down a rabbit hole of anxiety and unnecessary procedures.
02:01I'm sorry, but I think it's important to spot disease before it becomes a disaster.
02:06That's literally the slogan on the Tomopod box.
02:09Well, it doesn't make it any less true, Serena.
02:12And to encourage you all to promote this to our patients, all employees are entitled to a free body scan today only.
02:19Boom shakalaka!
02:20We are going to help people live fuller lives with fewer question marks.
02:24Yeah, that's also on the box.
02:25So help me, Jesus.
02:27Always some new gimmick Joyce is cooking up.
02:30I don't know.
02:31I mean, in the grand scheme of things, I think you could do worse than promoting body scans.
02:35Maybe it'll help people.
02:36Well, I just think you take a black light to anything, you're going to find some stains.
02:40Sure, but surely there's some areas of life where you want all the information.
02:43Like relationships, right?
02:45Tim and I tell each other everything.
02:46It's all out there on the table.
02:48Please.
02:49Don't tell me you're one of those open communication types.
02:53Yeah, you're right.
02:53I should have asked you for tips.
02:55Tell me, how was your communication with your divorce lawyer?
02:58My marriage didn't fail because my wife wanted me to talk more.
03:01I'm just saying total transparency works for us.
03:04So Tim knows all about Hot Gary?
03:07The delivery guy?
03:08That's just some silly office joke.
03:11Got it.
03:13Hot Gary's not a thing, man.
03:15Well, if Hot Gary is not a thing, then you wouldn't mind calling Tim and telling him all about it.
03:20You know, I actually think right now it might be more important that I get Mr. Shabbos his dilaudid.
03:24Tim deserves to know how Hot Gary is.
03:27I can't hear you through the curtain.
03:28Oh, I'm very excited to get Tomo.
03:32See, I'm always fine-tuning my health regimen, so a chance to peek under the hood like this is the dream.
03:37I've been watching other hospitals getting a Tomo, and I've been having major Tomo Fomo.
03:42Foshomo.
03:42Oh, you can put your shirt back on.
03:45Yeah, I'm good.
03:46Okay.
03:47Well, your heart looks excellent.
03:50No plaque, no evidence of a PFO.
03:52Stop it, I'm blushing.
03:53Your muscle mass is really exceptional.
03:55Hey, come on.
03:56What?
03:57Stop filming this.
03:57As for your spine.
03:59Oh, wow, that's gorgeous.
04:01Yeah, look at that hot rod.
04:02Oh, no, no.
04:02This is just a stock image of a healthy spine.
04:05This is your spine.
04:07So just over 10 degrees of curvature, nominal scoliosis, but absolutely nothing to be concerned about.
04:13Uh-huh.
04:13Then why is it red?
04:14Oh, that's just to highlight the deviation from the norm.
04:17Again, it's really not a big deal.
04:18Then why use red?
04:20I wasn't on the design team.
04:23Tell me something.
04:24What's the margin of error on these things, anyway?
04:27Oh, it's guaranteed to be accurate within 40 microns.
04:2940?
04:30Okay.
04:30Well, there it is.
04:31That's less than the width of a human hair.
04:34Still, you know, 40 of anything.
04:38Dakota, thank you for coming in.
04:41How are you?
04:41I'm okay.
04:42Um, somebody's been stealing my yogurts again.
04:44Good.
04:45Glad to hear it.
04:46Listen, um, I brought you in here today, and believe me, these things are never easy.
04:51But, uh, what was that?
04:54Is that the Tomopod?
04:55Jesus, that's abrasive, isn't it?
04:57What was I saying?
04:59Um, these things are never easy.
05:00Oh, right, right.
05:01And these things are never easy.
05:03Oh, um, so every workplace is different.
05:07It's a question of fit.
05:09I'm sorry.
05:09Is this getting louder?
05:11It's so hard for me to concentrate.
05:13Sounds like a vending machine having an orgasm.
05:16Right, but what were you saying about...
05:17Okay.
05:20Dakota, let's just rip the Band-Aid off, okay?
05:23All right.
05:23No, not today.
05:24Out.
05:25Get out.
05:26Thank you so much for stopping by.
05:28Prefer to talk now, because...
05:29If you get an email from HR, do not answer it.
05:32Actually, I wanted to talk to you on my email.
05:33You know what?
05:35I think my brain will acclimate to this.
05:39It's fine.
05:40It's fine.
05:42Hey, how'd that phone call to Tim go?
05:45I mean, how did he take all of that hot Gary stuff?
05:47Oh, my God.
05:48You were serious about that?
05:50Yeah.
05:50Well, but you know what?
05:51Forget about it.
05:53I mean, you don't have to buy your own BS, so...
05:55All right.
05:56Hold on.
05:57I'm going to call Tim right now.
05:58Great.
05:59I mean, I'd really like to see your policy in action.
06:01I might even learn a few things.
06:03Yeah, I think that you will.
06:04Okay.
06:06Hey, hon.
06:06What's up?
06:07Oh, nothing.
06:08It's been kind of a slow day.
06:11Thought I'd say hi.
06:12Aw.
06:12Hi.
06:13Also, so funny story.
06:16There's this delivery guy, Gary, and some people, the nurses think that he's hot, and so we all call him Hot Gary.
06:28Okay.
06:30And then what?
06:32Nothing.
06:33That's it.
06:34Oh.
06:34Okay.
06:35I thought there was...
06:35Okay.
06:35Fun story, babe.
06:36Thanks.
06:37I mean, not much of a hero's joke.
06:38It's a journey, but nice.
06:39So it's not a big deal then, right?
06:41You're not upset?
06:41Sweetie, I'm aware that we're both human, and we're still going to find people attractive.
06:46Especially people we see all the time at work.
06:49Exactly.
06:50Yeah.
06:52Who do you find attractive at work then?
06:56Well, I don't know.
06:57I guess Serena's pretty.
07:00What?
07:01Your work, honey.
07:03I mean, your work.
07:05When I heard your voice, I knew.
07:07Why was it so emotional?
07:09I got you.
07:10I got you.
07:10Oh, thank you, Snoopy.
07:12The Voice, tonight on CTV.
07:14Streamed tomorrow on Crave.
07:15Yeah, that did absolutely nothing.
07:24Obviously.
07:26Wait.
07:27Let me try this.
07:34That's still there.
07:35What was your theory there?
07:37Wait, it stopped.
07:38Problem solved.
07:39Nah, it's back.
07:40See, it gives you a flash of hope, and then it rips it away.
07:44Wait, light bulb.
07:46What if we reframed it as a beautiful song?
07:49Just listen.
07:51Oh, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong, gong.
07:54Get the f*** out.
07:55Yes.
07:57Gotta admit, you are in a real pickle.
08:00Oh, yeah?
08:01How's that?
08:02Well, according to your share-everything lifestyle, you really do have to tell Serena what Tim
08:08said about her.
08:09It's not the same thing, man.
08:10I'm not married to Serena, huh?
08:11One could argue that you tell your best friend more than you tell your partner.
08:16All right, listen, I can see you're having a lot of fun with this, but we're still pretty
08:19backed up from that pop bouncy castle.
08:20So, sadly, I do have more important things to worry about.
08:24You don't want to tell Serena because it's a good thing that everybody doesn't know everything,
08:29and there are some things that are better kept inside.
08:32Game, set, match.
08:36Dr. Ronald Leonard.
08:39Boop.
08:41A little zone A yoga?
08:45Yeah, just trying to stay limber.
08:47Found out I have some negligible curvature in my spine.
08:50So, taking a few corrective measures.
08:52No biggie.
08:53No way.
08:54Yeah.
08:54I have scoliosis, too.
08:55No, my thing's different.
08:57I ordered something called a pelvic clock.
08:59We're not the same, Keefe, all right?
09:01Actually, I think Ron is looking for you.
09:03Oh, okay.
09:06I did that body scan you were hyping up.
09:08Apparently I have excess fluid in both my knees.
09:10Ugh, tough break.
09:11But I don't even know if that machine's 100%.
09:14Told me I have a curved spine or some nonsense.
09:17Oh, it's so funny because it said mine was perfectly straight.
09:20The tech guy said it was, um, flawless.
09:23It's weird.
09:24Oh, yeah?
09:25Yeah, yeah.
09:25He was joking around.
09:26He could barely tell my spine from the stock image.
09:28Couldn't have to see my green outline.
09:29Green?
09:30Yeah.
09:31Yeah, mine was green, too.
09:33It's a shade of green.
09:34Nice.
09:34Yeah.
09:35The green guys.
09:36Yeah.
09:37Hey, Ron said he wasn't looking for me.
09:38Yes, he was, Keefe.
09:39Please, he was.
09:40He was.
09:40Hey, how's it going, pretty lady?
09:48Oh, I like this energy.
09:50I'm just speaking the truth, you know?
09:52You're pretty.
09:53And I think basically everyone agrees.
09:56You know, I do.
09:57Tim does.
09:58What?
09:59Oh, yeah.
10:00It's come up.
10:01Can't really be that surprising, though.
10:03I mean, you're a hot tamale.
10:05Like, who doesn't think that?
10:07Okay, so, you know I'm extremely polypositive, but you went to more like family, and I just...
10:14Oh, my God.
10:14No, I'm not propositioning you for a throuple.
10:17I just, um, uh, Tim and I were chatting, and it just came up that he thought you were cute.
10:24That's all.
10:25Isn't that funny?
10:26We both did a full LOL.
10:30Okay.
10:30Not really sure what I'm supposed to do with that.
10:32Nothing.
10:33Oh, my God.
10:33It doesn't even matter.
10:34It's just, like, meaningless factoids.
10:38Yeah.
10:42That was good.
10:46Smooth.
10:48That is exactly what is wrong with society nowadays.
10:53Everyone wants to share every little thought that pops into their head.
10:57I knew my grandfather for 30 years.
11:00He never said more than 10 words to me.
11:02Great man.
11:03Excuse me.
11:05Hey.
11:06Um, I am in the room directly next door.
11:09Oh, and you're worried about the radiation?
11:12No.
11:13But, uh, why don't I let you talk first?
11:17Well, technically, the Tomopod does emit a small amount of radiation, but it's really so tiny, it's not a big deal.
11:22Well, if it's not a big deal, why are you wearing that vest?
11:27Well, I'm here all day.
11:29I'm here all day.
11:31I'm here all day.
11:33Do you want a vest?
11:36I just wish it was on my hands.
11:39Listen, that is the worst it is ever going to look.
11:42All right, we'll do a consult with plastics, you'll be all right.
11:45I promise.
11:45We're going to take good care of you, okay?
11:47Just hang tight.
11:49Hey.
11:50That was really nice.
11:51You seemed a lot calmer.
11:52Why don't you do on your fatty liver deposits?
11:54Uh, what?
11:55What?
11:56The scan, Matt.
11:57Come on.
11:57I don't know.
11:57The tech said, like, 4%.
11:59Oh, gosh.
12:00Really?
12:00Mine was 2.5.
12:02That's less.
12:03How about nasal polyps?
12:05How many did they get you for?
12:06I honestly don't remember.
12:08Doosek, for me.
12:09Yeah, you probably had a couple.
12:10But that's typical.
12:12But, hey, you did good on the spine, so it evens out, right?
12:15Oh, thanks.
12:16You know, it's kind of nice, because you can fix the other stuff, but...
12:19The spine you got is the spine you get.
12:22Right, right, yeah.
12:23Well, a liver's a pretty big one, too.
12:25Oop.
12:26Sorry.
12:26It's probably a sore subject for you, since it dominated you in those fatty deposits.
12:30Ah, no, it's okay.
12:32You know, I always had a fear with the spine, because back home, there was this old hunchback
12:35guy who we called Old Hunchback, and...
12:37Whoa, whoa.
12:38You can't say hunchback, Matt.
12:39No.
12:40They prefer something else, I'd imagine.
12:43What?
12:43It's not enough they have to dodge pebbles on the way to the market.
12:46Now they got you slandering them?
12:48No.
12:48Oof.
12:49I do not like this color on you.
12:51Oh, my God.
12:52Could you bleep hunchback?
12:54Or...
12:55Oh, sorry.
12:56Hey, Alex.
12:57Mr. Maybach had some test results come back inconclusive, and I just wanted to get your
13:02take.
13:02Does this baby look like his daddy, Tim, or his mommy, Serena?
13:06Are you insane?
13:09Hey!
13:10I worked my whole lunch hour on that.
13:12Took a while to get a clear shot of Serena.
13:13Plus, why do I have to give them my credit card?
13:15It's enough now, Ron.
13:16Don't you think?
13:17The last thing I need is for Serena to see this, and it makes things even more weird.
13:20Uh-huh.
13:21So you do acknowledge that telling Serena made things weird?
13:25No.
13:26I'm just saying that out of context...
13:28You know what?
13:28I am going to clear this up right now.
13:30Hey, Serena.
13:30Sorry.
13:31Sorry.
13:32Just to give you more context for the whole Tim thing.
13:34So, Ron and I were talking about open communication.
13:37All right?
13:38And that got us on the subject of Gary the delivery guy is hot.
13:41Alex.
13:41No.
13:41It's okay.
13:42No.
13:42I just want to get it all out there in the open.
13:44So, you know how the nurses are always talking about how they'd hook up with Gary, and, you
13:48know, they're like, yeah, you know, I'd accept his package, and, you know, like, slide it
13:52in my mailbox, Gary, and stuff like that.
13:55Hey, Gary!
13:57Um, just need a signature.
13:58Totally!
13:59Yep!
14:01How's the kitchen remodel going?
14:02Did you do the brush nickel, or did you...
14:04Thanks.
14:04Yeah?
14:05Okay, cool.
14:05Have a good day.
14:06Hey, Gary.
14:10Yeah, you know, Ron's had a lot of fun.
14:12With his side of this.
14:13Well, it just got an innocent man accidentally harassed.
14:16So, is it funny now?
14:19To Ron it is.
14:20Yes.
14:20To him it is very funny.
14:24Still waiting on laughs.
14:25Interesting.
14:26Oh!
14:28There you go.
14:29He's using his thighs, almost like a squat.
14:32Sorry, what?
14:33Hmm?
14:33Huh?
14:34Nothing.
14:34No.
14:34Just keep going.
14:38What are you doing?
14:39Just live your life, man.
14:41Oh, forget it.
14:43Knock it off with the peacocking.
14:46I wasn't sure what Bruce meant about peacocking, but then I remembered I've been using this
14:49new hair putty that creates a lot of volume, so I should probably dial that back a bit.
14:55You know what?
14:56No.
14:57I don't want to.
14:58Hey.
15:02Honey.
15:04Are you mad at me?
15:06What are you doing here?
15:06Well, you hung up on me after that little Serena conversation, whatever that was, and then
15:11you weren't, you know, you weren't turning my call.
15:13You're okay.
15:13Oh, I'm so sorry.
15:14These are beautiful.
15:15I just...
15:16Yes, we are fine.
15:17I'm just having a really frustrating day.
15:19Yeah?
15:19What's going on?
15:21Oh, my God.
15:22Serena freaked out when I told her what you said.
15:24I'm sorry.
15:25You told her what I said?
15:27I did...
15:28Okay.
15:29Ron was being super obnoxious, okay?
15:31And that...
15:31That's...
15:32That's...
15:33That's the whole reason why I did it.
15:34That's really weird.
15:36That's awkward.
15:36It's going to be fine, though.
15:36I talked to her.
15:37She thought maybe we wanted to make a struggle.
15:37How is that going to be fine if she thinks that...
15:39I talked her out.
15:40No, she doesn't think that it's...
15:41Hey, Serena.
15:43Uh, no.
15:44I already told Alex it's the no.
15:46Yeah.
15:46I...
15:46No, I just want to clear the air.
15:48I don't...
15:49I think you're hot or something.
15:51We don't really need to talk about it.
15:52That's not making it better.
15:53Oh, no, no.
15:54You're attractive.
15:54In the objective sense that anyone...
15:57But I just don't...
15:58I'm...
15:59I'm not tempted.
16:00Tim, please talk.
16:01I don't want your best friend thinking that I want to have sex with her.
16:03Who's talking about sex?
16:04I am at work.
16:05What are you talking about?
16:05I said don't want to have sex with her.
16:07Hey, you kids.
16:08Why don't we bring the temperature down just a bit?
16:11They don't even know what this is all about.
16:13What could possibly be the point of bringing all this up?
16:15You were just going on all day long about...
16:16Okay.
16:19Let's just take a beat.
16:20And remember, I'm fine.
16:22You're fine.
16:22We're all fine.
16:24Fran.
16:25Why do you have a million pictures of Serena on your computer?
16:29What?
16:30What?
16:30What?
16:31Okay.
16:32Hold on.
16:33Ew.
16:34What is happening with everyone?
16:36No, no, no.
16:37No.
16:37I meant nothing untoward.
16:39I just needed a good image for the website.
16:47Hey.
16:48I decided to come and work out on the floor.
16:51And I've already sent out three emails and a memo.
16:54So, getting it done.
16:58Can you put that on silent?
16:59I'm trying to concentrate here.
17:01Oh, sorry.
17:02It's just...
17:04Linda's mom kind of wandered off.
17:06Well, that's...
17:07That's terrible to hear.
17:08I'm sorry.
17:09I...
17:10Do what you gotta do.
17:12Appreciate it.
17:13Yeah.
17:14She does this sometimes.
17:16Normally, it's no big deal.
17:18We keep a track or something into her moccasins.
17:19But she left barefoot this time, so we're concerned.
17:24Well, I hope she comes back soon.
17:26Yeah.
17:27It is not a good neighborhood.
17:31I'm telling you, it was a goof, okay?
17:35I was trying to make an AI image of her baby with Tim.
17:38Whoa.
17:39I...
17:39Where did you even get my photo?
17:41It looks like they're all from today.
17:43Yeah.
17:43They're all blurry.
17:45Ew.
17:45How old is your phone?
17:46Good news.
17:47Gotta ping on Linda's mom.
17:48Shh.
17:48Ron's obsessed with Serena.
17:50I'm not obsessed with her.
17:52She's young enough to be my daughter.
17:53There is no attraction there whatsoever.
17:55I would sooner sleep with Joyce.
17:57Much sooner.
17:58Ronald!
18:00We are in the workplace, and not every thought needs to be spoken.
18:03Okay, but can we just...
18:05Even though it is a thought that I have had on occasion.
18:08And while I'm relieved that someone finally said the quiet part out loud,
18:11I think we need to put this genie back in the bottle.
18:13There he is.
18:21Hi.
18:22Um, can I help you with something?
18:24Well, I realized I had three coffees this morning.
18:27I know.
18:28I must have been wiggling around in that thing like an animaniac.
18:31I don't know what that is.
18:32Well, the point being, I, um, I think it's probably worth, uh, taking another go in the pond.
18:37Just to get an accurate read this time.
18:39Right, yeah.
18:40Um, it's just the deal was only for one free scan per employee.
18:43Ah, yes.
18:44We must follow the rules, Comandant.
18:47I'm kidding.
18:47I'm kidding.
18:48You're not a Nazi to me.
18:49But seriously, I'm, uh, happy to pay out of pocket.
18:52You know, money is no issue, and obviously I'll throw in a few extra bucks.
18:56I know you gotta have your taste, huh?
18:58I'm sorry.
18:59It's really not recommended to do two scans back-to-back.
19:01Oh, my God.
19:02What do you want me to do?
19:03Sign a radiation waiver?
19:04I'll sign a radiation waiver.
19:05I'm happy to.
19:06I just, I can do better.
19:08You know, I need another shot.
19:09The results wouldn't be different.
19:11Come on!
19:12Just get me in the pond, brother!
19:14I, I don't know how else to say this.
19:16Get me in the pond, brother.
19:24No, no, no.
19:26Don't smirk.
19:28None of this would have happened if you had taken my advice and kept everything to yourself.
19:32So, technically, I was right.
19:33Then why do I feel so good right now?
19:35No.
19:36I feel good.
19:36Hey, Dakota, just to get it all out there, Ron's the one who's been eating your fancy yogurts.
19:43Wait, seriously?
19:44Those are probiotics for uterine health.
19:47Ron.
19:48No, Ron.
19:49So, Matt here is applying an antimicrobial cream to guard against infection.
19:55Ignore his puffy knees, by the way.
19:57And once we dress it, I can walk you through next steps.
19:59But I'm definitely going to have scarring, right?
20:02There may be some, but it should flatten out over time.
20:08You know, I actually have a few scars, and, you know, they're kind of cool.
20:11It shows you went through something and came out the other side.
20:14Like, like this was a wheat thresher, and then I got bucked off a horse.
20:18And this was from a cat that had the plague.
20:20So, you know, they all have their own story.
20:22It's sort of neat.
20:23Yeah, great story.
20:25Cooking the halibut special.
20:27Mark of a badass chef.
20:28You know, it comes with the territory.
20:29It's a battle wound.
20:31You know, you should own it.
20:32Yeah.
20:33I guess it's kind of a cool way of looking at it.
20:35Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
20:36Hold on, hold on.
20:37I just realized something.
20:39Our imperfections tell our story.
20:43Yeah, that's what I was just saying.
20:43Matt, please.
20:44I'm a surgeon.
20:46Okay.
20:46So, I twist and contort my body to save lives.
20:50Oh, my God.
20:51My spine's not deformed.
20:54It's my, I don't know, my battle wound.
20:58Right?
20:59Of course you're not better than me.
21:02Oh, my God.
21:09It's okay.
21:10It's only a month.
21:11Honestly, it is not that bad in here.
21:14Watch where you're going, dumbass.
21:16You almost backed into me, you fat piece of s***.
21:18One month.
21:2229 more sleeps.
21:24One month.
21:2429 more sleeps.
21:24One month.
21:24One month.
21:25One month.
21:25One month.
21:26One month.
21:26One month.
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21:27One month.
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21:29One month.
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21:31One month.
21:31One month.
21:32One month.
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21:50One month.
21:51One month.
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