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00:00Hello, I'm Charlie Brooker, and you're watching Weekly Wipe, a programme all about things that
00:26are happening. Things like this. The Tory party has been split over gay marriage. Conservative
00:32elders say it flies in the face of the traditional Tory position that marriage should be between
00:37a philanderer and a doormat. Incredible facial reconstruction technique reveals Richard III
00:42resembled amateur waxwork of Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen. In distressing scenes, the news captured
00:47a knife-wielding man being tasered outside Buckingham Palace. The only man more shocked than him was
00:52eyewitness Ian Hislop. And then one cop met behind him and tased him. He fell in the ground
00:57within a couple of seconds, and he got taken away in the, er, police flag.
01:02And Edward D. Eagle Edwards wins Gordie Celebrity Dunking Festival Splashed. He fought off tough
01:08competition from Linda Barker's revealing plunge and Jake Benidorm's amazing twitching tits.
01:13Eagle's victory proves once and for all that even our fittest celebrities are no match for
01:17our shittest Olympian. That's precisely the sort of thing that's been going on, but we start here.
01:22For many years, numbers were our friends, appearing on the shirts of national heroes,
01:27making us laugh on calculators, and starring in cheerful and hypnotic animations aimed at babies.
01:32One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
01:37But it turns out this was a front, and now we know the ugly truth. Numbers may look jolly,
01:42but in reality, they're bastards. Recently, the Office of National Statistics proved they are
01:47by releasing a set of grim economic numbers.
01:50The gross domestic product fell by 0.3% in the fourth quarter of 2012.
01:56So grim, they effectively silenced every journalist in the room.
02:00How many more questions? There must be some.
02:10Numbers have now knackered the country so comprehensively the only businesses doing a roaring trade
02:15are shutter manufacturers, window board salesmen, and sad graph designers.
02:19In fact, the sad graph industry is booming. There are basic graphs, nostalgic graphs,
02:25and graphs with the sort of interactive chancellor head on them for you to fire light guns at.
02:29If you can afford a light gun, which you can't, thanks to him.
02:32Everything costs more these days.
02:34Petrol's so expensive you'd think it was some kind of precious resource,
02:37mined dangerously from the sea, and the prices are always rising.
02:41They go up quick enough, but they never ever come down.
02:44Well, if they do, yeah, a month later.
02:46Yeah, never ever or a month later. They're not even consistent in never coming back down.
02:51That's what devious shits these prices are.
02:54But numbers don't really convey the human cost,
02:56which is why reporters are keen to hear tales of personal number-induced misery.
03:00Newsnight rounded up plenty of totally representative people to find out what they think.
03:05Does it feel like we're in a double or triple recession?
03:08It does, yeah.
03:09Do you think things will pick up?
03:10And what about you?
03:11I feel the same, really. There's just no spare money anywhere.
03:14Every bit of money you get goes on bills, electrics.
03:17Elephant suits.
03:18And what do you do?
03:19I'm a builder of a trade.
03:21Indian or African builder?
03:23In an attempt to convey the misery of the number-tastrophe,
03:26Sky invited a range of small business folk on air to share their tragic experiences.
03:30Well, one of the stories behind the numbers situation is keenly felt by businesses up and down the country.
03:35Oh good, this will be sad.
03:36Tell us a little bit briefly about your business and how it's coping right now.
03:40We're coping pretty well. We're on the high street and the internet and we're doing pretty well, actually.
03:46Oh shit, sorry. They must have asked you by mistake. Try someone else.
03:49Tell us a bit about your business and how you're faring right now.
03:52Actually, last year we probably had one of the best years we've ever had.
03:56Yeah, but apart from that, how bad is it?
03:58Out of the last six months of the year, five months of those were the best ever months.
04:03Alright, show off. Let's ask the other bloke.
04:05I concur with the previous comments. We've actually seen a good upturn on two years.
04:09A good upturn in 2012 and our revenues were increased.
04:14Oh, for f*** sake. Okay, try interviewing a sort of hotelier, restaurateur type who looks a bit like a prototype David Mitchell.
04:20David, welcome to you. How's business?
04:22It's been amazingly good, actually.
04:24Oh, everyone's a winner, aren't they? Tell us more.
04:27We're doing very well. Growth last year on the bedroom element.
04:31Growth on the bedroom element? You do realise embarrassing bodies is next door.
04:34Yes, there's no denying it's been tough on the high street recently,
04:37which is why it's curious that against this backdrop of high street shopicide,
04:41ITV have decided to offer viewers some outlandish escapism
04:44with a series set in a fantasy world where people actually open shops.
04:48Mr Selfridge is effectively Downton Abbey with a stockroom, shot in HD and given a thick layer of creosote.
04:53It tells the slightly embellished story of Mr Harry Selfridge, a born showman and irritant
04:58who somehow managed to create one of London's foremost department stores, despite consisting of hardly anything but a beard and some teeth.
05:05I don't know why they chose Harry Selfridge over Bob Comet or Dick Debenhams,
05:09but presumably Selfridge's The Shop is delighted because it gets name checked every other nanosecond.
05:14Mr Selfridge. Mr Selfridge. Yes, Mr Selfridge.
05:17Good morning, Mr Selfridge.
05:19The Selfridgean exterior has been faithfully reproduced, presumably with CGI and some string,
05:23although most of the interior action is confined to one floor,
05:26which the cast perpetually stride through in a transparent bid to make discussion of stock levels seem dramatic.
05:31Still, we might only ever see one floor, but Selfridge's does clearly have a massive cheese department in the form of Jeremy Piven.
05:38His Mr Selfridge is no mere barrow boy, more of a barrow man, specifically John Barrow Man.
05:44We need to put on a show!
05:46He performs the role with all the subtlety of a pantomime dame desperately trying to attract attention from the window of a burning building.
05:52Equally unsubtle is some of the dialogue, such as this exchange between Mr Selfridge and a good-as-gold plebby shopgirl he's taken under his wing.
05:59You love it, don't you? The customers, the selling, the feeling of merchandise underneath your hands.
06:05I love it more than anything.
06:06It's hard to tell the other shopgirls apart, partly because they're always either whispering or tittering in the corner,
06:12like church mice in a Disney cartoon, and partly because they're styled like they've gone to a fancy dress wake as a cottage loaf.
06:19Everywhere you look, it's Princess Anne in mourning.
06:21Seriously, sometimes there are so many Princess Anne's on screen at once, even they can't tell if they're looking in a mirror.
06:27But the main problem is that because it's based on a real shop, opened by a real man, there's not much real jeopardy.
06:33So the opening episode was a nail-biting tale of, will he or won't he open the shop, when you know he did.
06:38Then we had, will he or won't he open a perfume counter, which you also know he did.
06:42And recently we had, is he or isn't he dead, when you know he won't be.
06:46It's a bit like a whodunit called Colin is Guilty.
06:49Still, while Mr Selfridge ingests scenery on ITV, the BBC is shoving viewers' faces head first into the grisly world of Ripper Street.
06:57A sort of CSI Whitechapel with nods to Sherlock and Deadwood, set in Victorian London.
07:02A time when men were men, except when they looked a bit like owls.
07:05It stars Matthew McFadden as a sad-eyed proto-copper, struggling with personal grief and a silly hat.
07:10Jerome, off Robson and Jerome, looking a bit like a ship's figurehead that's been smashed repeatedly into a dock.
07:15And an American, as a sort of pathologist-cum-corpse connoisseur, who examines the bodies in the manner of an expert on Antiques Roadshow.
07:23You see this moon-like impression in the clavicle?
07:26Her fingers, worn and puckered by strings, and her hair, there are heavy deposits in it.
07:35Soot.
07:36And without that soot damage, she would have been worth as much as £3,000.
07:39Seriously, loads of people die in this.
07:41It's like Victorians had the life expectancy of a cocoa pop.
07:45And since it comes off the back of Call the Midwife, it's as if BBC One has decided Sunday night is women screaming helplessly night.
07:52Ah, Call the Midwife was brilliant.
07:54It was this drama thing about these sort of schoolgirls who worked for these mad nuns about 100 years ago.
07:59And their job was to go into poor people's houses and do these exorcisms on pregnant women.
08:04It's exciting because you see them pulling babies out of women and meeting all these really horrible men.
08:11Send it to her, and I'll say it to you. You clear out of my own, or I'll burn her, and I'll burn her again.
08:17That's enough!
08:19Those bits are sad, but then they meet all these really nice babies, which is happy.
08:24The babies are really good actors. God knows how they read the script.
08:28They must have had to stick it on a mobile phone or something, and then wait ages for it to spin round for the right bit for the baby to learn what to do.
08:36Like, oh, I've got to lift my arm up at that point, you know, and all that.
08:40People have said it's rose tinted, but it isn't. It's sort of green.
08:44And sometimes it's really green, and then sometimes it's brown, and sometimes it's sort of green and brown, but it isn't pink.
08:53Because it's on early, so they can't show those bits.
08:55Good old-fashioned British televised healthcare there, but what's American televised healthcare like?
09:02Let's ask an American, namely drunk comic, Doug Stanhope.
09:11I'm Doug Stanhope, and that's why I drink.
09:16As I'm sure you're aware, we don't have a national health service here in America like you do.
09:23We either have to pay for it or we have to suck it up.
09:27Fucking UK, they have nationalized healthcare.
09:30We have 300 channels of cable and TV doctors.
09:33You have to get the best you can do.
09:36Yeah, we're chock full of TV doctors doling out all the free advice you're willing to swallow.
09:41Have you heard of Dr. Phil? He's an Oprah Winfrey protege.
09:45The other day we saw he had an 800-pound guy that had made a YouTube video of himself.
09:50I'm just trying to get some help.
09:53Nutritionist, personal trainer, Dr. Phil.
09:59Please help me, Dr. Phil, because I can't get out of my bed.
10:03So Dr. Phil, being a great doctor and all, he sends an ambulance directly to this poor fat prick's house,
10:09and they tow his bed into an oversized industrial ambulance and they drive him directly to the studios.
10:16As any medical professional would do.
10:18Do you really believe that you can have a normal life and a normal body and a normal health?
10:30Yeah.
10:31When they run out of obvious advice, like, uh, plug up your top hole fatty, you're eating too much.
10:37Then they have to move into junk science.
10:39Now we just start inventing diseases.
10:41What, you're a hoarder?
10:43Oh wait, that's not a habit.
10:45That is, uh, obsessive compulsive disorder.
10:48And we have an expert here that can help you with it if you allow them to exploit you on TV for an hour.
10:55I watch Hoarders and I see shit I need.
11:00Then we have the cottage industry of rehab television.
11:04You have Dr. Drew and you have Addicted and you have Cracking Addiction.
11:08Intervention is my favorite.
11:10Intervention is a show that's 58 minutes long of complete exploitation.
11:16It's just watching some poor prick stumble through his life and get fired from his job.
11:21And he's shooting up in a bus toilet.
11:23And now he's puking in a trash can and shitting his pants.
11:26That's the first 55 minutes.
11:28And then they cut to the Intervention.
11:30And that's just the sad family sitting around reading these sappy letters that they wrote.
11:35Like Hallmark greeting cards.
11:37This is the ways you've ruined my life, Bruce.
11:40You didn't show up for Sheila's Bar Mitzvah.
11:44And then they whisk him off to rehab.
11:47Where you go, okay, now this is where it's helpful.
11:50It's gonna show us how they rehabilitate these people.
11:53Nope, that's the end of the show.
11:54Graphic at the end.
11:55Bruce hasn't drank since July 21st, 2009.
11:59Well, what'd you do in the rehab?
12:01If you're trying to help people, you might want to tell us what the fucking cure is.
12:05You skipped over that part entirely.
12:08I'm just saying that if you're gonna get your medical advice from a TV doctor,
12:12you might as well just get the advice from Dr. Dre or Dr. Seuss.
12:17Because at least that way the bad advice you get will rhyme.
12:27Transport, and as the news excitedly showed, Prince Charles celebrates 150 years of cramped subterranean hell by using the London Underground.
12:35As far as Charles is concerned, an Oyster card is a credit card someone else uses to buy you oysters.
12:40So little wonder he approached it all like a virgin.
12:42Here's how you do it.
12:43Push your thingy up against the little round nubbin and you'll put the flaps open.
12:47There you go.
12:48And ease yourself in all the way.
12:50Good-o.
12:51Not that it was his first time.
12:52As ITN nostalgically explained, the last time Charles used the Underground was during a pleb-spotting trip in 1979.
12:59Whereas the last time Camilla braved the tube was their wedding night.
13:02They didn't go all the way.
13:03In fact, Charles only lasted two minutes before popping off.
13:06Well, it's understandable really.
13:08Poor bloke hasn't been inside a tunnel for 34 years.
13:15Technology and the humble BlackBerrys had it hard of late with tough competition and tech problems denting its popularity to the point where, as Sky News forensically pointed out, its own users tried to kill it with hammers.
13:25It took about a month of intermittent bashing to actually break the BlackBerry handset up.
13:31But now the BlackBerry handset folk were attempting to revive their fortunes with an informative and exciting relaunch.
13:36Yes, they're replacing their outmoded pocket typewriters with something that looks like an iPhone but isn't.
13:41And another thing that looks like a BlackBerry and is.
13:43Aren't they beautiful?
13:47But perhaps most startling of all, BlackBerry now has a new global creative director, courtesy of an announcement straight out of The Celebrity Apprentice.
13:54She's BlackBerry's new global creative director. Please welcome Mrs. Alicia Keys.
14:01Yes, Alicia Keys. They signed her because playing the piano and wearing hats are key business skills.
14:06And not because the CEO wanted an excuse to get off with her on stage.
14:10What's odd about the appointment of Alicia Keys is she's actually a big Apple fan.
14:14I mean, she did a whole song about New York.
14:16In fact, the only thing Alicia Keys has to do with BlackBerry is she's black and wears a beret.
14:21And you wonder if she's ever really going to work.
14:23I'll see you in the office.
14:25Yeah, Monday.
14:27But Ms. Keys wasn't the only MOBO winner hawking technology.
14:30The ubiquitous Will.i.am was at Macworld last week where the Wall Street Journal asked him penetrating questions about technology.
14:36What's your favourite gadget right now?
14:39Right now would be the iPad Mini.
14:41Really? What do you like about it?
14:43It's smaller than the iPad.
14:44He was promoting his own bespoke gizmo showcased lovingly by CNN, a $400 accessory that turns the iPhone into a boxier, less ergonomic iPhone.
14:54So then you sit there and you lock it. Now it's locked.
14:57Presumably it's aimed at people who wished they'd bought a camera in 1978 instead of an iPhone in 2013.
15:03But wait, it also has an extra function.
15:05And if that's not enough, a keypad for folks who want to text.
15:10Yeah, for folks who want to text on something other than but attached to the iPhone they already own.
15:15Still on the plus side it lights up.
15:17Will.i.am is proud of his invention as he explained during the launch a few months ago.
15:22This was in my head in February. And now it's in my hand in November. About to be in stores in December.
15:31And in landfill sites by March.
15:33Who paid attention to Mali last year?
15:35Well, hardly anyone, myself included.
15:37There was no connection between Mali and me. I thought it was a film about a dog.
15:40In fact, the only people who seemed to care about Mali were the French and the widely derided presidential candidate Mitt Romney,
15:46who mentioned the country in his third debate.
15:49We want to make sure that we're seeing progress throughout the Middle East with Mali now having North Mali taken over by Al-Qaeda.
15:55Only to get laughed at.
15:57As the depressing subsequent coverage made clear, life in Northern Mali was grim.
16:02Islamic extremists had gained a foothold there and were apparently making civilian life about as much fun as sitting through nine episodes of Paddy's TV Guide,
16:09with regular public thrashings for minor infractions.
16:12Unsurprisingly, the locals moved out in an evacuation or exodus.
16:17Well, that's Mali for you.
16:19The Malian army tried fighting back, but they seemed underprepared, as a startling French news report revealed they were genuinely having to train without ammunition.
16:27BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM
16:34Someone answered that gun.
16:35They weren't the best equipped army in the world, their uniforms were threadbare and their weapons were jamming.
16:39and their weapons were jamming well that's marley for you by contrast as sky news comprehensively
16:47showed the extremists seemed heavily armed with weapons apparently gained during the libyan
16:50uprising in fact they had so many guns they often seemed to just frolic about with them like men
16:54playing with puppies france responded by sending in troops who took the fight all over northern
16:59marley they also sprayed paratroopers over timbuktu in what looked suspiciously like footage from 1943.
17:05the onslaught surprised both the islamists and people like me who thought timbuktu was a
17:09made-up region of narnia or something as the islamists fled sky news broadcast footage of
17:14the jubilant locals recorded for posterity on a commodore vic 20. the people of timbuktu were
17:19so delighted to be liberated by the french they dressed up in celebratory costume for sky's
17:24cameras briefly turning alex crawford into gawk wan look what this man has done he's done the
17:29viva l'opération servelle that's the the way the name of the operation that francois holland has
17:34given it and then on the back a big thank you to not only to the french president or land but all the
17:40other countries who've helped support this operation that's quite a get up get up well that's marley for
17:46you while the scenes of celebration were genuine enough what wasn't quite clear was who the routed
17:51extremists actually were whoever they were there wasn't much footage of them mainly just the chaos
17:56left in their wake such as burnt out cars and a strange emphasis on the book collections they've
18:00destroyed why libraries annoy islamic extremists so much maybe they think the jewy system was
18:06invented by jews while malians were suffering the rest of the world wasn't too bothered until a few
18:11weeks ago when yet another terrorist group crept out of mali into algeria and overran a bp complex
18:16taking hostages this was a terrifying event and a huge news story but frustratingly for the networks
18:21there was a distinct lack of footage of it forcing them to improvise hence we saw a lot of
18:25google map explainers and reconstructions of the event that made it all look a bit like an xbox
18:29half-life mod still at least the news had something new to scare us with namely terrorist leader mokhtar
18:35belmokhtar so bad they named him twice actually he's got a variety of aliases mokhtar belmokhtar has an
18:42entourage that calls him the prince they also call him one-eyed jack as in the jack of diamonds aka one-eye
18:49because he lost an eye aka the marlboro man because he made a living smuggling cigarettes yeah aka that
18:56bloke we've only got the one shot of in fact they had so little underwhelming footage of belmokhtar
19:01they had to keep fiddling with it just so it looked sinister freezing it zooming in and out turning
19:06him into a sort of warhol screen print and on sky superimposing silly spook style graphics over him
19:12while playing an ominous chord belmokhtar has joined the a-list of world's most wanted men and to be
19:19fair anyone looks sinister if you do that to them i mean look at nicholas lyndhurst here chilling
19:25in a sign the west is now taking the threat seriously david cameron committed troops to
19:29mali then hopped on a plane for a whistle-stop holiday tour of the troubled yet beautiful region
19:33where he enjoyed the scenery shuffled past traditionally dressed locals marveled at their detailed miniature
19:39leaders and fine array of messe and generally did his best to blend in with his surroundings
19:45in summary the situation in north africa and mali in particular is clearly one to keep an eye on
19:54well that's mali for you david cameron's tour of north africa provoked much thoughtful reaction some of
20:00it online here's our regular roundup of some of the sort of things you've been saying online yes you
20:05your words your opinions is what you think it's points off of you in points off you
20:17seeing cameron play the international statesman seem to annoy some of you for instance
20:21alan from leicester uh logged on to say simply go on dave you toilet house robust yet concise
20:30commentary from alan there cameron also visited libya as part of his travels which didn't impress
20:35pooped on worker who took to yahoo to say he's going to help them as well and our bloody council
20:41tax will rise why are we standing for this pooped on worker seems to have calmed down there slightly at
20:49the end or maybe you were just tired tired after another long day being pooped on as part of the
20:53system aren't we all someone calling themselves european which scarcely narrows it down complains
20:59that dave is spending our money on muslims the very people that hate us well actually much of
21:07that money is going to be spent on shooting muslims beyonce was in the news again first she admitted
21:12lip-syncing at obama's inauguration during a tense press conference then she blew the roof off the super
21:17bowl with a triumphant performance that had millions pumping their fists some of them in their laps but not
21:22everyone's happy with her no samantha went to the mail online to say beyonce if you're so proud of
21:29your daughter let us see her face so what if she looks like her dad you chose to have a baby with
21:35an unattractive man are you waiting until she's old enough for plastic surgery then you will let
21:39us see her and what sort of complex are you giving to this poor child you know what samantha we have
21:44seen her baby's face there was a widely distributed heartwarming photo of it look see anyway thank you
21:49samantha good luck battling the demented sense of righteous entitlement which seems to have
21:53hopelessly crippled your sense of reason all this kerfuffle over beyonce's baby prompted someone
21:58calling themselves blatalian blatalian to take to twitter to point out that
22:03bitches be more concerned with beyonce's baby than theirs yes well that is one thing we can all agree on
22:11and now here's something else hitchcock is a shaggy dog story involving everyone's favorite borderline
22:17misogynist cinematic genius alfred hitchcock played by anthony hopkins in a slightly distracting
22:22fat suit which makes him vaguely look like he's in a highbrow all-white big mama's house spin-off the
22:27story concerns hitch's attempts to shoot his stabby meister work psycho while experiencing relationship
22:32turbulence with wife alma played by helen mirren and suffering troubling visions of real-life serial
22:37killer ed gein whose genuine corpse skinning exploits were the inspiration for psycho graphic elements of
22:42brutal violence turns vestibularism and incest sounds ghastly peggy this is the boy who dug up his own
22:48mother it starts off well and the behind the scenes on psycho stuff is initially fascinating for film's
22:54pods at any rate but the film soon veers into clunky terrain and winds up feeling like an underwhelming
22:59tv movie about a kooky couple which leaves you chiefly frustrated that a bunch of fine performances have
23:04been left wandering fruitlessly in search for a slightly better script it has great moments but not
23:08quite enough of them but nor is it a complete horror show which is ironic really given the subject
23:12matter which is filming janet lee being stabbed to death in the shower joining me to discuss that
23:19and topics arising are journalist camilla long and comedian bob mortimer who once stabbed a woman
23:24to death in the shower isn't that right that's correct yes i've often wondered if you were stabbing
23:28someone to death in a shower where would you start they say the classic prison um stabbing is in the
23:33ass no i think they've been telling you stories because it makes it makes the point it's very
23:38very difficult to heal it takes forever and they can't sit down a lot of them can simply be stitched
23:42and the pain goes away but not the bum not the ass no there is no surgeon will stitch an ass so if
23:47janet lee had been stabbed in the ass in psycho yeah she could have survived but the rest of the film
23:52she'd have been really complaining and not really enjoying that money it would be a different movie
23:57if she'd been stabbed in the bum would you say you're a hitchcock fan um i enjoyed the films when i was
24:03young you know when i was 13 14 when they first came out but i think that you're saying you're now
24:08too sophisticated for hitch well i think that technology has um made them seem very dated and
24:13difficult to enjoy for me i don't know why there's such reverence for psycho i can't i can't quite see
24:19it so you prefer new stuff to i'm much in in that genre i'm much prefer it like some of the spanish
24:25stuff like wreck and juliette's eyes so that wreck is a terrifying they're terrifying they're magnificent
24:30you're a real connoisseur of these things basically well absolutely i've been about a bit i'm 53 and i
24:36came with the first rush of dvd rentals i don't would you remember that you came with the first rush of
24:41dvd that's right you're you really are a very moment the blockbuster's open psycho did kick-start the
24:47slasher movie genre there's a new slasher film coming out in march it's called maniac uh it's got a
24:51gimmick which is that it's all shot from the point of view of the killer
25:03who do you think is playing the killer in that christian slater no uh mr paparazzi
25:09well mr darren lions the guy looks like a sort of depressed sonic the hedgehog yeah he would be
25:16scared he's a paparazzi i could believe kills women i definitely could um it's elijah wood elijah wood
25:24frodo baggins from lord of the rings the only way his face would look disturbing is if you sheared it
25:29off i think and stuck it on the end of a pike and waved it oh i think he's very weird looking you know
25:34baby face is good for a killer would you go and see that i would yeah i do like horror i like to go and
25:38see horror in the afternoon because the cinema's empty and i can smoke what industry yes when there's
25:45no one in yes really really like you no well i don't ask anyone's permission it's empty i can't
25:50relax in cinemas i always think that something terrible is going to happen in a cinema and certainly
25:54if i went to a cinema in the afternoon there was a lone man sitting in the middle smoking i'd
25:59probably leave i think i definitely think he was a pervert
26:10fluids and the world's favorite chemically complex refreshment beverage unveils an arresting
26:14ad telling the everyday story of a simple gardener undermined by a gang of predatory can rolling women
26:20of course if you actually rolled a drinks can at a professional lawnmower it gets shredded up by the
26:24blades and ragged shards of metal would fly out slicing his face and throat open not that these
26:29would care no not as long as his six packs intact and stopping the mower isn't enough of these picnic
26:34baskets no they then trick him into drinking the shooken up can causing it to detonate in the messiest
26:39cum shot of all time but our cunning mo man gets his revenge by pulling his soggy top off and silencing
26:46the harridans by flaunting his beveled surfaces at them thereby rendering them both speechless and wetter than
26:52him and thus women are conquered once more i guess the take-home message here is that it's funny to
26:57force menial workers to strip and that diet coke only contains one calorie and you can soon burn
27:02that off with about 10 seconds of bean polishing oh and in the interest of balance i have to point
27:06out other diet drinks are available eg water
27:15publications and in a series of disturbing ads tranquil lunch breaks nationwide are repeatedly
27:20interrupted by the invasion of a cheerful oak tree hiya hiya so what do you think of the stories in
27:25this week's take a break i don't know what do i think of the stories in this week's take a break
27:29hang on a minute haven't you lot gonna go back to work no oh yeah yeah british industry it seems no
27:36lunch break is safe from mel's weekly inspections hiya hiya what do you think of the stories in this
27:41week's take a break well they're all a bit depressing to be honest with you i mean they're all about death and
27:45disease and like oh hiya so what do you think of the stories in this week's take a break i don't
27:51know anymore haven't you lot gonna go back to work this is my work mel
28:02hair and a simpering husband dribbles his way through a glossy cheeseball hair diad kate and i've
28:07been married for 15 years that's three moves five jobs two newborns it's no wonder i'm getting gray gray
28:13you're black and white but kate still looks like kate it'd be weird if she looked like the late
28:18richard i don't know all her secrets but i do know kate's more beautiful now than the day i married
28:23her yeah well the day you married her she was pale and shivering with regret you f***ing creep
28:29well uh that's your lot we're done for now you and i are through till next time go away
28:43so
29:03you
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