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00:00I like to get a feel for the space before a big performance.
00:11You know, connect to the dance floor.
00:17It's tight.
00:18So every year we do one of those fancy galas, you know, raise money for the hospital kind of thing.
00:22And there's a Dancing with the Doctors competition.
00:24The last few years I've come in second place, which I suspect is because of various partner-based weaknesses.
00:30So this year I'm going solo.
00:33It's just Bruce-ick and the music.
00:38Yeah, tonight's the night.
00:41I feel it.
00:54Why do meatballs feel so much fancier when they're on a stick?
01:05Okay, Seinfeld, let's hit the open bar, huh?
01:07What's the deal with meatballs on sticks?
01:10Sticks belong outside.
01:12Uh-huh, honey, it's good.
01:13It's good.
01:14So are jokes about you're all just too easy or just easy enough?
01:17Actually, I was hoping this year your hosting duties could focus less on the funny and more on the money.
01:22Yeah, well, I kind of want them to come back and donate again next year.
01:26So I want to concentrate on keeping them laughing and making sure they're having fun.
01:30Okay, yes, of course, make it fun.
01:32Oh, you know what?
01:33Amelia Irving just divorced a real estate tycoon and she gave $10 million to U of O.
01:39Oh, she is bitter and looking to spend that settlement.
01:42You want me to say that?
01:43No, but you could say, hey, it's raining in Seattle.
01:47Why don't you make it rain here?
01:50Oh, she's from Seattle.
01:51I forgot to set that up.
01:52This is big money, Ron.
01:54I'm going to keep texting you money jokes.
01:56One of them requires a Dr. Evil accent.
02:00I cannot believe Joyce put you on the judging panel.
02:02That is way too much power for you.
02:04I know.
02:05She's decided I'm cool, which is the first thing that's ever made me question my coolness.
02:09No more iPad.
02:11And that is the last mom thing I'm doing tonight.
02:14Really?
02:14Yes, and Cindy is actually staying the night.
02:18And so we got a hotel room nearby.
02:20Got it all planned out.
02:21No, not a plan.
02:22No.
02:23Just like, you know, like a goal, really.
02:26I just want to like turn off my mom work brain and just drink and dance.
02:30Maybe I'll take a shot.
02:31Oh, the last time Tim and I went out without the kids was last year's gala.
02:36And I ended up taking over the coat check because their ticketing system was just a mess.
02:41But this year, I'm focused on having fun with Tim and just letting loose and avoiding the coat check
02:46because the same guy is in charge and it's insane.
02:49Like, he does not know what he's doing.
02:51Try not to scuff the floor if you can.
02:53Yeah, okay.
02:54Whoa, Matthew.
02:55A little overdressed, aren't we?
02:57Agent 00 over here.
02:58I didn't know how to...
03:00Great. Now I've got to rework the top of my act to include this.
03:03Okay. Love this.
03:06Never been to a gala before, so probably shouldn't ask my mom what to wear.
03:09But still excited for tonight.
03:11Nice to be out on the town with Serena.
03:12I mean, not with her. It's not a... it's not a date.
03:16But, you know, dinner, drinks, dancing.
03:19All the elements are there, so I'm just pointing that out.
03:22Guys, I've been here for 15 minutes. Why am I not drunk yet?
03:25I could get you a drink.
03:26Thanks, Maddie. I'll do a double whistle pick with a ginger back.
03:29Yeah, that's a classic.
03:30I would take a white wine.
03:32Oh, fast for me, please.
03:33Dirty martini, olives, no onions.
03:35I should probably be writing these down.
03:36Yeah, no drinks for me.
03:38If you could get a few bags of ice for lates, that'd be much of British.
03:40Got it.
03:40Table 9, Matt's getting us drinks.
03:42Welcome to the St. Dennis Annual Gala and Fundraiser.
03:46Tonight we are raising money for a very worthy cause,
03:49our pharmacy department's addiction to pills.
03:52I'm kidding. We all know you get them for free.
03:55We have some very important people in the house tonight.
03:58Is that Ken Tran, head of neuro, over there?
04:01Guys, give it up for Ken.
04:03New suit, same bad hair plugs.
04:08Normally I can't tell the head of neuro he has bad hair plugs without being sent to HR.
04:12But tonight, Ron is king, and he shall do as he pleases.
04:16Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy yourselves tonight.
04:21Eat, drink, network.
04:24And if you end up talking to anyone from Pathology, I am sorry.
04:28Ron, I don't think you saw me over there.
04:38Yeah, I saw you waving wildly like an inflatable outside of a Honda dealership.
04:42Joyce, I'm not going to beg these people for donations.
04:45That kills the party mood.
04:46Well, it's not about the mood, it's about the moolah.
04:48Could you just relax and let me do my thing?
04:51And I told him Fosse is a hack.
04:53But the thing about dance, and don't feel bad for not knowing this, most people don't,
04:57but the thing about dance is it's all about where you focus your energy.
05:01Wow.
05:02I know.
05:02You know what, Bruce?
05:03I can't wait for your dance.
05:04I think it's going to be f***ing amazing.
05:06I said it.
05:07Oh, dang, Alex.
05:08Are you drunk already?
05:10I'm just letting loose, baby.
05:12All right.
05:13We did pregame a little in the parking lot, down some Bailey's that my mom got us for Christmas.
05:17Yeah.
05:18We took some lactate, and we are feeling ourselves.
05:32Oh, ma'am.
05:33Please, go ahead.
05:34Oh, thank you, dear.
05:37Oh, yeah, of course.
05:39You know, I had my hip replaced last year, so it's hard for me to stand a long time.
05:45Oh, okay.
05:46You know, I used to be a chorus girl at the Riviera.
05:49Is that right?
05:50I'm Rosie.
06:03Now, my physical therapist said that if I work hard...
06:09Should we hop in the drinks line?
06:10Oh, I don't drink.
06:12I was just on the way to the ladies' room.
06:14Of course.
06:15Can I?
06:15No?
06:16All right.
06:16To the back of the line.
06:18Well, I'm just saying you could treat heart disease or brain cancer, but no, no.
06:23Well, you guys were like, penises or bust.
06:28Let's bring up our next group of dancers.
06:30Hello, hello, hello.
06:31Paging Dr. Joyce Henderson.
06:32I'm right here.
06:35What are you doing?
06:37I am co-hosting this event with Dr. Ron.
06:40Two MCs.
06:41Fun, right?
06:43Oh, hey, is that the Kumars over there?
06:45Hey, how's the trucking business going?
06:47Because there's one truck I hope you brought tonight.
06:50Beep.
06:51Beep.
06:52Beep.
06:53Beep.
06:54Beep.
06:55Beep.
06:55The money truck.
06:56Hi, um, can I get a double whistle pig, two scotch and sodas, a martini, an old-fashioned,
07:05and a glass of white wine?
07:06Chardonnay or sauvignon blanc?
07:08Oh, uh, I don't know.
07:09Maybe both.
07:11And for the old-fashioned, do you want bourbon or rye?
07:14Let me just text them really quick.
07:15Yeah, sure.
07:15Just step to the side.
07:16I'll help the next guest here.
07:17Oh, no, no, no.
07:17I'll take one of each of those also, please.
07:19Oh, okay.
07:19And is that a gin martini or a vodka martini?
07:23Just come on, man.
07:25And at the end, Scrooge realizes that he is happiest when he is generous with his money.
07:31I mean, that's a good lesson for us all to learn, right?
07:34Generosity with your money.
07:35Okay, why don't we bring up our next performers, Dr. Lee and our very own Dr. Brady doing the
07:41cha-cha.
07:42And I'd like to hear the cha-ching of credit cards being swiped over at the donation table.
07:48Hey, hey, can we get a glass of water up here for my friend Joyce?
07:51Because I think she's a little thirsty.
07:55But you've got to blame that on my guys over there at table four, the psych department,
07:58for not spotting this sooner.
08:00What is the clinical term for so desperate for money it's embarrassing?
08:07Got her.
08:08Oh, hey, Keith.
08:14Hey, you remember my husband, Tim?
08:16Oh, yeah.
08:16Hey.
08:17Parents night out, huh?
08:18Yeah.
08:18So where are the kids today?
08:20No, we don't have any kids, Keith.
08:22Oh, I'm sorry.
08:22I thought you had two.
08:24Well, no, we had kids yesterday and we'll have them tomorrow, but we don't have them tonight.
08:28Oh, wait.
08:29Seriously?
08:30Yeah, we also don't have a mortgage.
08:31Or a dog with bad eczema.
08:32Or a bossy mother-in-law.
08:33Hey, let's get a refill.
08:36It's good to see you.
08:37Yeah.
08:37Take off.
08:38My wife said if you're afraid of small talk, just ask about people's family.
08:41It always works.
08:43Well, it didn't, Linda.
08:44It didn't.
08:47They said that my accident should have left me in a wheelchair.
08:51Until Dr. Bruce saved me.
08:53With the power of d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dude.
09:19Right about now, the funk's so rubber
09:23Check it out now, the funk's so rubber
09:26The sinners, the sinners, the sinners
09:33The sinners, the sinners
09:36The sinners, the sinners
09:39The sinners
09:44Amazing
09:55With a score of 28, that puts Dr. Schweitz in the lead
10:04Not a perfect score, but he's got to feel good about that effort
10:07One more time for Dr. Schweitz
10:10Yeah, I'm happy
10:12I mean, technically, it felt, uh, flawless
10:15But according to that aid, apparently not
10:18I don't believe in giving tens
10:25A ten means you can't imagine anything better
10:28Like, Ryan Gosling is the hottest man alive
10:30But is he a ten?
10:31No, he's a nine
10:32Ryan Reynolds is a six
10:35Sedona's beautiful
10:36Wall-to-wall rocks
10:38Just an incredible amount of rocks
10:41I'd love to see it
10:43Uh, hey guys, I have your drinks here
10:45Oh, can I take your seat, Matt?
10:47Uh, yeah, a little bit
10:48Oh, okay
10:50Oh, I needed this, thank you
10:52Don't mention it
10:53That was for me, actually
10:54Shots!
10:56Hello, my friends
10:57How did you get those so fast?
10:59There's another bar upstairs
11:00I don't want you to take this the wrong way
11:02But I'm gonna miss Fun Alex on Monday
11:04Aw, honey
11:05Wow
11:06Look at that
11:06You picked up a new nickname tonight
11:07Thank you, that's so sweet
11:09You know, what I heard
11:10Is that when I go back to being my normal self
11:11My friend will be disappointed
11:13But that's still very sweet
11:14No, no, no, no
11:15I just mean you seem so relaxed and carefree
11:18Oh, yeah
11:18I was gonna say the same thing
11:20I think
11:21Uh, it's really hard to hear
11:22Matthew
11:23You're shouting
11:25You know, in just a couple more years
11:26The kids won't need a babysitter
11:27And then Fun Alex is gonna be out on these streets every week
11:30Just tossing back these shots
11:32Not these ones
11:32Probably, they seem disgusting
11:33But still, you know
11:34Couple more years!
11:36Yeah!
11:36Woo!
11:38Unless we have another kid
11:39And it puts us back in the weeds
11:40Although, Ella could babysit
11:42Oh, my God, another kid
11:43Come on
11:45Can you imagine?
11:45What?
11:46We're not
11:47Come on, baby
11:48We're not having another
11:48We talked about this
11:49Or did we?
11:50I guess I didn't know
11:52You made an official decision about it
11:53Yeah
11:53Sorry, it's really hard to hear
11:55Did you guys say you're having another kid?
11:57Congrats!
11:57No, Matt, we're not having another kid
11:59Oh, okay
12:01Uh, congrats to that
12:03Matthew
12:04Cut the s***
12:05Are you ready to see some more doctors
12:08Try and dance away their midlife crisis?
12:11Well, guard your wallets
12:12Because Joyce Henderson
12:14Will try and pick your pocket
12:15When your head is turned
12:16Hardy har har
12:18Very funny, Ron
12:19Oh, looks like she's finally starting to relax
12:22Looks like somebody's been hitting that
12:23Chardonnay
12:24Maybe if I had a drink
12:26I'd finally find you funny
12:28Speaking of funny
12:31Have you guys seen Joyce's hair tonight?
12:33Oh, Ron
12:34You're just jealous
12:34Because all your hair
12:35Ran off of your head
12:36And settled on your back
12:37It's true
12:39All right
12:40That's enough from that heckler
12:42I don't know
12:42Should I go back up there
12:44And help him out?
12:45You guys
12:45So I just heard that
13:01Some of the derm department
13:02Isn't having so much fun tonight
13:04Would it kill you to smile?
13:06Oh, it would
13:07Well, then lay off the Botox
13:09That was my punchline
13:13Yeah, but you didn't
13:13Keep up
13:14Come on, Ron
13:15Hey, geriatrics
13:16What's going on here?
13:18Should I be worried?
13:19Why don't we bring up our next dance?
13:22Ron wants to get back to work
13:23That's new
13:24No, because remember
13:31We were at Baskin-Robbins
13:32And the guy was getting mad at you
13:33For taking so many samples
13:34I think you were just
13:35Stressed out because it was busy
13:36I don't think I sent him off
13:37Right, no, I know
13:38But then there was that family
13:39That had three kids
13:40And I was like
13:41Oh, my God
13:41Having another kid would be insane
13:43And you were like, uh-huh
13:44I don't think it was, uh-huh
13:45Exclamation point
13:46I think it was, uh-huh
13:46Dot, dot, dot
13:47I'm listening, go on
13:48Well, yeah
13:49I think we should just table it for now
13:50Because, you know
13:52It's date night
13:53And we don't have any kids
13:53So
13:54Shouldn't we at least decide
13:55When we're going to talk
13:55I think we should just table it for now
13:57If that's what you think
13:58Yeah
13:58Hey, uh
13:59Anyone want to dance?
14:01Yes
14:02I'll grab another drink
14:03And meet you out there
14:03No one getting any more
14:05Passive-aggressive fights
14:06Until I get back, okay?
14:07We're not
14:08It's fine
14:09It's no fun
14:09Oh, thank you
14:15That means a lot
14:15Oh, hi
14:16How's your night going?
14:18It's pretty good, actually
14:19Yeah?
14:19About an 8 out of 10
14:20You should be happy
14:22Hmm?
14:228 is the highest score
14:23I've given tonight
14:24No, no, I'm happy
14:24Happy, happy, happy, happy
14:26I'm just wondering, though
14:26What, uh
14:27What could I have done better?
14:29You know, just so I can improve
14:30For next year
14:30Honestly, Bruce
14:31Mm-hmm
14:32Your technicals were flawless
14:34Agree
14:34Your choreography
14:35Inspiring
14:36Obviously
14:36But you wanted it too bad
14:37Like the whole performance
14:39Just screamed
14:39Love me, love me
14:40Please, someone just love me
14:42What?
14:42That's crazy
14:43Are you serious?
14:44No
14:45No, no, no
14:45I don't, I don't
14:46Feel that way
14:47It's hard
14:48Well, that's what it looked like to me
14:50Anyway, air flies down
14:51It was down a little bit
14:54Down a little bit
14:54Not enough to even mention
14:56There's a guy over there
15:02Who looks like our dentist
15:03Oh, yeah, a little bit
15:05Yeah
15:06It's the mustache
15:07Yeah
15:07Can I say one last thing?
15:09I know that we're busy
15:11And it would not be easy
15:11But if we wanted to have another kid
15:13Yeah
15:13We'd make the time
15:14That's all I'm gonna say
15:14I don't want to get into it
15:15Okay, honey
15:15Because I will just say
15:16That I think
15:17You think
15:18That making time
15:19Is easier than it actually is
15:20So
15:21Oh, hey, look who it is
15:22It's Keith
15:22Guys, I'd like to meet my wife, Linda
15:24Hi
15:24I'm not saying that it would be easy
15:26Linda's a dog trainer
15:27Okay, honey, I said I don't want to talk about it
15:29I'm not trying to talk talk about it
15:30I just
15:31I like your tux
15:35Uh, thanks
15:36Um, so you can dance here now
15:39But I am saving the spot for someone
15:41So when they get here
15:42You do have to move
15:43What?
15:44So you can dance here right now
15:47I'm just saying that it's us
15:48And we can make it work
15:49It's not if we can make it work, baby
15:51It's if we want to
15:52Well, why wouldn't we want to?
15:54Well, even with two kids
15:55I've had one night this year
15:56Where I don't feel constantly worried
15:59And like I'm behind on an endless list of tasks
16:01I get that
16:02But one more member of our family
16:04Is just another person to love
16:05I don't know if I have enough love
16:06To give another person
16:07And our final performance
16:10Retired Dr. Henry Tennant
16:12Back to dance with his daughter
16:14Dr. Katie Tennant
16:16You know, before our last dance
16:21Can we just give it up for Dr. Ron?
16:23Bringing it every year
16:25I don't know how he can find time
16:26To write all these jokes between naps
16:28But he does
16:29Well, how about Joyce?
16:31Desperate for your money
16:32But I see equally desperate for your applause
16:35Where does that come from?
16:36I don't know
16:36I'm taking it up with a therapist
16:37Oh, Ron, so sad and bitter
16:40You know, you've heard of McDreamy
16:41Meet McGrumpy
16:42What's white, blonde
16:44And didn't have her first kiss
16:45Since she was 39?
16:46Joyce Henderson, ladies and gentlemen
16:48You know, your wife is dating
16:49A much younger, more fit man
16:51Yeah, or you lose her boyfriend
16:52At home polishing his action figures
16:54Warhammer figurines
16:56Bat fight
16:56Ten out of ten
16:57No notes
16:59God, Katie's trotting out her father
17:06A bit manipulative
17:07I mean, they're barely using this space
17:11Come on
17:12Oh, my God
17:13A home video, really?
17:18Well, that is tender
17:19She's twirling him now
17:22She's twirling him
17:24Money, money, money
17:30The hospital needs money
17:31Totally
17:32And sorry, it's my first year
17:34But isn't tonight about raising money?
17:36Of course
17:37It's just the way she said it
17:38It's too much
17:39Oh, because she cares too much
17:41Right
17:42You're missing the whole point, man
17:44So the hospital doesn't need money
17:45You know what?
17:46Get out of here
17:46Got it?
17:49I'm just here to get a glass of zen
17:51And then I'll be on my way
17:52Well, you do you
17:53Old-fashioned
17:56Amelia Irving
17:59That's me, hi
18:00Joyce Henderson
18:02I'm the executive director of St. Denis
18:04I'm so jazzed that you're here today
18:06Thank you
18:06Of course
18:07And great job up there, you two
18:09It was like a slightly funnier version of my marriage
18:11I mean, but I am truly sorry about the divorce
18:16And everything that happened as a result of that massage parlor raid
18:20Right
18:21Well, it was nice to meet you
18:23Ms. Irving
18:25I'm sorry, Joyce can be annoying sometimes
18:29Ron
18:29Because she's so passionate
18:31I've never met someone with more of a commitment to the future of this place
18:36Or any place, really, than Joyce
18:39I'm sorry if I'm embarrassing you
18:41No, not at all
18:42Not at all
18:43Truth is, I couldn't do what I do without the good work of doctors like Ron
18:48You know, they do so much with so little
18:50Just imagine if they had more, you know?
18:53Come on, she doesn't have to imagine
18:54You know, some people have a five-year plan
18:57This maniac has a 20-year plan
19:00Wow, what kind of ideas are we talking about?
19:02I do have a PowerPoint presentation
19:04Well, you want to know how it went with Amelia?
19:07Gee, I don't know, Ron
19:08What do you think?
19:09Well, let me think
19:10Um, blammo
19:12Ten million dollars
19:14No, we're not in a fight
19:27No, one of us just wants another kid
19:28And the other one doesn't
19:29That's not
19:30I actually, you know, don't want that necessarily
19:33I just want her, or you, or her
19:35To, you know, include me in the discussion
19:37Of course he's part of the
19:39Of course you're part of the discussion
19:40She can't help it
19:41She just seam rolls ahead sometimes
19:43And that sounds bad
19:44It's not great
19:45What I mean is
19:46It's a good thing
19:47She's decisive
19:48And smart
19:49And, you know, pretty much the engine for our entire family
19:51You are
19:52Babe
19:53And I'm obviously there to move heavy furniture
19:56And carry our kids on my shoulders at the zoo
19:58They get so sweaty
20:01We're the sweatiest kids
20:01Just sopping
20:02I'm sorry I put so much on your, uh-huh
20:08Of course, we'll keep discussing it
20:12Definitely not tonight
20:12This is my bad
20:13I feel like I ruined our date night
20:14No, it's
20:15We still have that hotel room
20:18What are we still doing here?
20:21Sorry guys, we have to go
20:22No, I need my shoes
20:24I'll buy you a new one
20:25Drew, this isn't my coat
20:30Gucci
20:31You know what?
20:32This is my coat
20:33All right
20:35All right, what's done is done
20:37I may not respect your score
20:39But I'm a big enough man to accept it
20:41Okay, cool
20:43Oh
20:43One more thing
20:45I will be informing Joyce
20:46That you were inebriated
20:47During your duties as dance judge
20:49I'm sorry
20:49I have too much integrity
20:50To turn a blind eye
20:52Sure, man
20:53Hey
20:55Enjoying your first gala?
20:57Uh, it was okay
20:59Um, it's not really what I expected
21:01I know
21:02The food sucked this year
21:03I didn't really get to eat anything
21:05It's been a shockingly long time
21:07In the bar line
21:07Oh, we should go get McDonald's
21:09Oh, I could eat so many nuggets right now
21:11Oh
21:11Yeah
21:12That'd be great
21:13So, tonight didn't go exactly as I hoped it would
21:16Didn't get to dance or really drink with Serena
21:19Chaplain Steve still seems to have it out for me
21:22But, Serena and I did get to have some dinner
21:24Just the two of us
21:25So
21:25I really wasn't shouting
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