- il y a 2 mois
- #taskmaster
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Join the hilarious chaos as Taskmaster Greg Davies and his assistant Alex Horne put a new panel of comedians through their paces in Season 20, Episode 4. Watch as the contestants face a series of bizarre and ingenious challenges, all vying for the coveted Taskmaster trophy. Expect unpredictable outcomes, creative solutions, and plenty of laughs in this full episode.
taskmaster greg-davies alex-horne comedy game-show challenges british-tv entertainment
#Taskmaster #Comedy #FullEpisode #GameShow
taskmaster greg-davies alex-horne comedy game-show challenges british-tv entertainment
#Taskmaster #Comedy #FullEpisode #GameShow
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TVTranscription
00:00Oh, no!
00:05Hello?
00:13Hey!
00:18Ah!
00:19Il n'y a pas plus facile dans cette maison.
00:30Yes, hello! Welcome to Taskmaster, a show that is as meaningful
00:38as an old man sweeping up autumnal leaves,
00:41only to have them blown across the garden overnight.
00:44And yet, five people want to take part. Why?
00:47Ego? A competitive streak?
00:49Well, according to a chat I just had in the green room
00:52with one of the competitors, it's no more complicated
00:55than an unhappy home life.
00:57Let's play on and welcome them...
01:00Anya Magliano!
01:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:03Macy Edda!
01:05Phil Edda!
01:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:08Rhys Shearsmith!
01:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:11And Sandy Bosco!
01:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:15And next to me, a man who once told me
01:18that there isn't a single presenter in the ITV daytime schedule
01:22that he hasn't thought about when having solo fun time.
01:26LAUGHTER
01:30Here's little Alex Hall!
01:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:34Thank you.
01:38Let's have a look at the prize task.
01:40What an outstanding idea from the opulent orca,
01:42and this time they've brought in the present
01:45that would most make you say this if you received it on your birthday.
01:48Oh, that's just the most gorgeous gift ever.
01:51Greg will give five points for the best one,
01:53and they will all go home with the episode winner,
01:55whether they like it or not.
01:57Over to you, Greg.
01:58First, then...
01:59Rhys, what do you think I think is gorgeous?
02:03I fashioned from an old doll's house a haunted house.
02:09So if you want to see what it was when it initially got it off eBay...
02:13And this is what Rhys made.
02:15Wow!
02:16Oh, that is gorgeous.
02:17APPLAUSE
02:18It's gorgeous and opulent.
02:20Thank you.
02:21This is Rhys in action.
02:23So you actually did do it as well?
02:24Yeah.
02:25Yeah.
02:26I made the pumpkins.
02:27Yeah.
02:28Put the glass in the windows.
02:29Broke the windows.
02:30Curtains.
02:31And also, it lights up.
02:32I put lights in it.
02:34Look at that.
02:35Oh!
02:36Look at that.
02:37I mean, we're looking at, what, a day's work there?
02:39Two weeks, Greg.
02:41Non-stop, up in the mornings.
02:44Getting up, setting the alarm, going downstairs.
02:46Spraying, painting.
02:48You got up, then set the alarm?
02:49No, no.
02:50That was...
02:5214 days?
02:53Yes!
02:54Wow!
02:55Gorgeous.
02:56It's gorgeous.
02:57What a disappointingly positive start.
02:59Don't worry.
03:00Phil.
03:01It's a picture of Phil with a mayor.
03:03There we are.
03:05LAUGHTER
03:10That's not just any mayor.
03:11No.
03:12That's the mayor of Preston.
03:13Ooh, the big one!
03:15Speaking of big ones, what's that behind him?
03:18Well, it's the biggest bus station in Europe.
03:21Wow.
03:22It's a Preston bus.
03:23And I'm wearing a Preston North End shirt holding a Preston Guild plate.
03:26Is it a plate?
03:27Yeah.
03:28And I had to find a way to meet the mayor, and it's a lot easier than you think.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:33Very good.
03:34Anya?
03:35I wrote a book.
03:37Ooh.
03:38And I wrote a book of all the gossip I've heard in my life.
03:41LAUGHTER
03:42It's a lovely book.
03:43It's a big book.
03:44It's a gorgeous-looking book.
03:45It's a gorgeous-looking book.
03:46It's a gorgeous book.
03:47And I wrote a title for it as well.
03:50LAUGHTER
03:51She genuinely did do this.
03:52Yeah.
03:53There's 100 pages...
03:54..of just malicious chit-chat.
03:56Thank you for this.
03:57Ooh, it's like a serial killer's diary.
04:00Yeah.
04:01That is insane.
04:02That is, er, I don't really know what the Magna Carta is.
04:06LAUGHTER
04:08Is that gossipy?
04:10Er, it's that...
04:11This is the introduction page.
04:13Is gossip gorgeous?
04:15Yeah.
04:16Not according to the points I've just given you.
04:18LAUGHTER
04:20Maisie.
04:22I've got you, Greg, a ball on the end of a string.
04:26OK.
04:27No, no, no, no, no.
04:28You might be back in the game.
04:29No.
04:30No, no, no, no, no, no.
04:31I did some digging and I found a chat forum
04:35of people who had encountered Greg Davies throughout their life.
04:39It's very personal because I found on this chat forum
04:42someone who was taught by you when you were a teacher.
04:45Oh, God.
04:46I had him as a drama teacher for a year.
04:48I don't remember him doing a lot of teaching
04:50and we mostly pissed around in class.
04:54His warm-up exercise was swinging a ball attached to a rope
04:58around the room that you had to jump over and duck under.
05:03APPLAUSE
05:08The 90s were a different time in education.
05:10Different time.
05:11Only one left now, Greg.
05:12Hello, Sanjeev.
05:13Have you bought something gorgeous?
05:15I...
05:16Well, something that would make you say,
05:17this is the most gorgeous thing ever.
05:18I kind of made something that was practical.
05:21Oh.
05:23It is a tea towel.
05:25Yes.
05:27But it's...
05:28But it's this tea towel, Greg.
05:30LAUGHTER
05:35Clever?
05:36Clever.
05:37It's clever.
05:38It's cleverly tricked me into saying it's the most gorgeous gift ever.
05:40What do you mean trick you?
05:41Nobody made you do anything.
05:42You just read that and then you said that out loud.
05:43You said the thing that was in the task.
05:45All right, all right.
05:46I'll drop the lawsuit.
05:47LAUGHTER
05:50OK, let's go.
05:51Right.
05:52I thought the stones on the outside of the book were truly gorgeous,
05:55but then inside it was just horrible.
05:58Spiteful, malicious, passive.
05:59OK, one point to Anya.
06:00One point to Anya.
06:01Got it.
06:02Um...
06:03Is it gorgeous?
06:04Me being reminded what a terrible teacher I was.
06:06It was...
06:07It was nice and fun.
06:08Right.
06:09No.
06:10Two points.
06:11Two points to Maisie.
06:12Three points to Sanjeev.
06:14I enjoyed the trick, but it wasn't an especially gorgeous item.
06:17I don't know why I found Phil standing next to a mayor gorgeous.
06:20Four points.
06:21And, of course, you know, any man who isolates himself for a fortnight...
06:26..painting a ghost house.
06:28Gorgeous.
06:29Five thousand.
06:30APPLAUSE
06:32Let's crack on.
06:34Yes, I think we should, Greg.
06:35And just like when I go to a trendy nightclub in any capital city,
06:38this one involves everyone trying to get my number.
06:45One, two, three, four.
06:47Two, two, three, four.
06:50Start.
06:52You all right?
06:53Yeah, I've decided to have a seat.
06:55You look a bit, I don't know, pensive, worried.
06:58Everything OK?
06:59Yeah, they're pretty accurate.
07:01Oh, hi.
07:02When are you going to learn?
07:04Keep dragging back in here to do things.
07:06Yeah.
07:07Well, I've got to be here.
07:08What have you been up to?
07:09It's not that sort of situation.
07:10OK, let's crack on then.
07:12Should I go into the task?
07:14Yes.
07:15Happy birthday, is it?
07:16Is it your birthday?
07:18No.
07:19Wow.
07:20Ah.
07:21Mm.
07:22It is this year.
07:23Capricorn?
07:27This.
07:28That's for you?
07:29Yeah.
07:30These are mine.
07:3320 beads.
07:34Mm-hm.
07:35Yeah, nice.
07:36You know, I come from a hinterland of culture which contains many beads.
07:39In fact, people go there to buy beads.
07:42Where are you from?
07:44I was born in West London.
07:45Yeah.
07:46Yeah.
07:48Cool, if you want to open the task.
07:49Yeah.
07:50What number has Alex written down?
07:52You may ask no more than 20 questions.
07:55Alex may only say yes or no.
07:57And you must be increasingly surprised by every answer.
08:01Your time starts now and ends when you say the correct number
08:05or ask your 20th question.
08:09OK.
08:10And you can only answer yes or no.
08:14Yes.
08:15Ooh.
08:16Ooh.
08:20Mm.
08:21Ah.
08:23Interesting.
08:24Very much so.
08:27You've gone in pretty surprised early doors there, haven't you?
08:30Yeah.
08:31I pitched it far too much, yeah.
08:32Oh, my God.
08:33By the end, you're going to just be screaming, aren't you?
08:36Ooh!
08:38Great.
08:39Let's crack on with it.
08:40Right.
08:41Well, first to become increasingly surprised whilst guessing my number are
08:44Maisie, Reetie and Philly.
08:48Is your number between...
08:511 and 10?
08:52No.
08:53Hmm.
08:54Single digits?
08:55No.
08:56Hmm.
08:57Higher than 50?
08:58Yes.
08:59Ooh!
09:00Is the number by any chance a prime number?
09:03No.
09:05Wish I knew what a prime number was.
09:07That is a good question.
09:09Is your number...
09:11Lower than 50?
09:12Three numbers.
09:13Is it between 1 and 100?
09:14No.
09:15No.
09:16No.
09:17Oh!
09:18Oh!
09:19Is your number...
09:2163?
09:22No.
09:23Are you kidding?
09:24It's not under 100?
09:25No.
09:26Is it over 100?
09:27Yes.
09:28If you were playing for this number in pounds, would it be higher than the £64,000 question on who wants to be a millionaire?
09:41Yes.
09:42Yes!
09:43Yes!
09:45Yes!
09:46I've lost track of where the numbers are.
09:49I know.
09:50I've lost track of the numbers it is and isn't beginning with.
09:52I know.
09:53I've wasted so many questions, haven't I?
09:55Yes.
09:56I don't think I care what the number is.
09:58That's the tricky thing, you know.
10:00Hmm.
10:01Is your number on the end of that telephone?
10:06No.
10:07Right!
10:08I'm just going to take this call.
10:10PHONE RINGS
10:12Hello, Lil Wayne.
10:15Maisie speaking.
10:16360.
10:18PHONE RINGS
10:19Is your number 360?
10:24No.
10:25That's insane!
10:26Is the number in this room...
10:28Yes, I've written it down.
10:29I could just find the number, couldn't I?
10:30Yes.
10:31Right, put it on then, eh?
10:32Try not to ask me any more questions, I would say.
10:33Why's that?
10:34Oh.
10:35Is your number, um...
10:36What do you know about my number at this stage, Rhys?
10:37It's higher than 50.
10:38It picked you 11 questions.
10:39Wait a minute, what the fuck's this?
10:40Is the number you've written down the answer to this?
10:43Yes.
10:44Well, don't we have a conundrum?
10:46Is that a question?
10:47Has your number got a one in it?
10:49Yes.
10:50No!
10:51No!
10:52No!
10:53No!
10:54No!
10:55No!
10:56No!
10:57No!
10:58No!
10:59No!
11:00No!
11:01No!
11:02No!
11:03No!
11:04No!
11:05No!
11:06No!
11:07No!
11:08No!
11:09No!
11:10Is the one in the number, your number, at the beginning of the number?
11:13Yes.
11:14No, we're getting somewhere.
11:15Is the second number a number between one and ten?
11:19No.
11:20Is your number, second number a zero?
11:22Yes, but you've only got one question left.
11:24Right, okay.
11:25Is your number...
11:26This is the final question.
11:27Right, yes, of course, I know!
11:32Is your number ten?
11:38No.
11:39The answer is 8,500.
11:42Okay.
11:43Is your number three?
11:44But that's...
11:45And that's...
11:46I'm fine with that, honestly.
11:47Yes, three.
11:48No.
11:49No, right.
11:50See ya.
11:51See ya.
11:52Have a nice day.
11:53One of your questions, I'm just interested in your thinking here, was, is the number above 64,000?
12:04Yeah.
12:05Well, I knew that it was...
12:06It was a big net, right?
12:07Sounds like it's somewhere between one and a million.
12:10What else is between one and a million?
12:12The prize is on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.
12:14What's around halfway?
12:1564,000.
12:16Yeah.
12:17I did say halfway to a million.
12:18Yeah.
12:19I did say halfway to a million.
12:20Yeah.
12:21I did...
12:22No, no.
12:23Fuck off.
12:24Halfway through the process of the show is around 64,000 when you...
12:29Yeah, but I said, yes, it's over that, and your final answer was three.
12:34Do you think this is going to be your angry episode?
12:38Yeah, I do.
12:39Do you think you'll come up with a decent task?
12:41And I think you were the only one who got more surprised every time.
12:46I know.
12:47I'm glad you noticed that, Mr Taskmaster.
12:49Phil, I don't think you showed any expression of surprise throughout, and largely...
12:54I cannot believe!
12:56Well, you taught drama by him.
13:00We're going to nip off for a break now, but not before Alex has tried out his new joke.
13:11Oh, great.
13:12OK, thank you, Greg.
13:13Pan-Asian?
13:14I just call it a wok.
13:19Wok's the time.
13:21It's time for a break.
13:22APPLAUSE
13:23Well, hello!
13:36Thank you.
13:37Welcome back to part two of Taskmaster, where we are in the thick of a numerical task.
13:42Yes, they're trying to work out what number I've written down.
13:45They have 20 questions and must be increasingly surprised by every answer.
13:49Without giving too much away, Maisie, Rhys and Phil were awful.
13:52Now, let's see if Anya and Sanjeev can do any better.
13:57I'm going to be very strict about what is a question.
14:00OK.
14:01Well, the question is one that goes up at the end, doesn't it?
14:04Yeah.
14:05That's one.
14:06Excellent.
14:07Is the number somewhere I can see in this room?
14:12No.
14:13Have you looked?
14:15Was that a have you looked?
14:17That was a question, yeah.
14:19Yes.
14:20But you asked me a question then, so maybe I get one back.
14:25No.
14:26Where are you taking them?
14:30Oh, no!
14:31That was a question!
14:32Is the number you've written down between zero and a hundred?
14:36A hundred and a thousand between a thousand and ten thousand?
14:39No.
14:40No.
14:41No.
14:42OK.
14:43There's a phone!
14:46Will Wade.
14:47He's always calling.
14:51Is the number that you've written down a telephone number?
14:54No.
14:55Then that is even more stupid, that ringing, than I first thought it was.
14:59OK.
15:00Hello!
15:01One hundred and twenty.
15:03Have you actually written down a number?
15:05Yes.
15:06I need you to be more surprised.
15:09Fucking hell!
15:10I am losing the world to live here.
15:13Is the number one twenty?
15:14No.
15:16Have you written down the number in this room?
15:18Yes.
15:20Right.
15:25Does the number have emotional significance to you?
15:28Yes.
15:29Is the number your birthday?
15:33Yes.
15:40Mum?
15:41No, that's my wife.
15:42Maybe don't hang on that.
15:45I don't call her mum, but my children do.
15:47I don't want to know what goes on in that relationship.
15:50I'm going to ask your wife for some details about you.
15:59You're telling me not or asking me?
16:00I'm telling you.
16:01OK.
16:02It's got a full stop at the end.
16:03Hello?
16:04Hi.
16:05This isn't Alex.
16:06Can I ask you a question?
16:07I've managed to get hold of his phone.
16:08That's a question.
16:09I've had a mallet.
16:10I could just smash through this.
16:12You don't need a mallet for this task.
16:14Yes, of course.
16:15When's his birthday?
16:21His birthday?
16:22I always get this wrong.
16:25It's the 10th of September, 78.
16:30Here's the answer 100978.
16:32Is the number 100978?
16:34Yes.
16:35Thank you, Sanjee.
16:38Thank you very much.
16:43Sanjee did pretty well, though.
16:45He was pretty forensic in his hunt for the numbers.
16:47Yeah.
16:48And then we saw a crack in his calmness
16:49when he threatened to take a lump hammer to the wall.
16:53But pretty good, I thought.
16:54Yeah.
16:55Working out that it was written somewhere in the room,
16:56you can always find out.
16:57I mean, it was just in my pocket.
16:58You could have got that at any point.
16:59Were you as surprised as me
17:00that Alex's own wife doesn't know his birthday?
17:03It really felt like I'd got a key to the task
17:06and then it became something quite sad about their marriage.
17:10Yes.
17:11Heartbreak.
17:12It was an accidental key to the task.
17:13She rang to check ahead my sandwiches.
17:15And you seized on the opportunity.
17:17Oh, isn't mum kind?
17:22I sense Anya was fast, though.
17:24I could be wrong.
17:25It was only two that got it right.
17:26Sanjeev, you got it in 9 minutes 43.
17:29Anya, 9 minutes 40.
17:32Oh!
17:33Yeah, genuinely.
17:35So, yeah.
17:36Anya gets the five points.
17:40The other three didn't get it right,
17:41but I guess they get points for how close they got.
17:43Built-in within this task was that stupid phone ringing in the theme.
17:46And then there was a real one that happened
17:48and it gave her an advantage.
17:51Her?
17:56I'm not going to factor in the luck afforded that to anyone
18:00who heard the mum called.
18:02Well, now we have clarity.
18:06You're welcome.
18:08So, we're saying that Anya gets the five points
18:09for being the quickest and getting the right number.
18:10Correct.
18:11Sanjeev gets four.
18:12Correct.
18:13And are the other three getting according to how close they were?
18:14Yes, they do according to how close they were to the number.
18:16Phil, you get three points.
18:18You were...
18:19And can I say, Phil, you do not deserve them.
18:22Two points.
18:23And Maisie, you were just 100,975 away.
18:26You get one point.
18:28But the winner is Anya Magriano!
18:30APPLAUSE
18:35Well, pull my shorts down and smack my bottom.
18:39What's next?
18:41What's next, little Alex?
18:43Well, Greg, we're mixing it up now in an alternative teams task.
18:47And this one's got a whole lot of heart.
18:50Ooh!
19:00Hello.
19:05Hi.
19:06Hey.
19:07Hey.
19:08Hey.
19:09Hmm.
19:12Nice shoes.
19:18Too close to you?
19:19Oh.
19:24Hello.
19:25You all right?
19:26Mm-hmm.
19:27What's that?
19:28Chicken soup.
19:30LAUGHTER
19:33Thank you.
19:34Pleasure.
19:35Oh, it's a heart.
19:36Mm.
19:37Is this a romantic task?
19:39Make a love heart...
19:42..using your body, the body of your teammates.
19:46The body of your teammates and any other items of your choosing.
19:50The body of my team-mate?
19:51Mm-hmm.
19:53You must make up half of the heart.
19:54You must make up half of the heart.
19:55Your team-mate has made up the other half.
19:57You have ten minutes to make your half, during which you also have one chance
20:00to record a ten-second voice note with instructions for your team-mate.
20:03You must make up a third of the heart.
20:04You must make up a third of the heart.
20:05You must make up a third of the heart.
20:06You must make up a third of the heart.
20:07Your team-mates will make up the other two thirds...
20:09Who's the team-mate?
20:11One of your team-mates...
20:12What?
20:13..has made up the first third and has provided you with instructions.
20:17Oh.
20:18Your team-mates have made up the other two thirds
20:21and one has provided you with instructions.
20:24The most affecting heart wins.
20:27An affecting heart?
20:28Yeah.
20:29What it's got to beat?
20:30It's got to move Greg, the taskmaster.
20:31Emotionally?
20:32Oh, yeah.
20:33Right.
20:34Is he a romantic?
20:36So, I'm going to be half of the love heart.
20:39With your team-mate.
20:40APPLAUSE
20:46So, I suppose the obvious question is,
20:48why were you eating chicken soup?
20:50I like it.
20:51You know when you see a task and someone comes in drinking a cup of tea
20:53because they're just dead cash and they're like...
20:55Yeah, yeah.
20:56I thought I'd up that.
20:57Yeah.
20:58It's not quite as acceptable as it to come and eat in a bowl of soup.
21:01I mean, seeing it on the big screen now, I realise my mistake.
21:03Yeah.
21:04LAUGHTER
21:05So, these aren't their standard tea members, as you'll see.
21:08We're mixing it up.
21:09We're mixing it up.
21:10Let's get some romance on the go.
21:11OK.
21:12Well, let's see how normally mortal enemies,
21:14Anya and Rhys, work together as a team.
21:21I have my supplies.
21:26I'm going to be the top, like this.
21:29But then, to make it affecting,
21:32it will say mum in it.
21:33Hmm.
21:34Like when you have a tattoo of mum.
21:36And I'm going to pulse.
21:38OK.
21:39I'm going to be beating.
21:40You're going to get across this information in ten seconds?
21:42Yep.
21:43I'm a really accomplished voice noter.
21:45I usually do them in like seven minutes.
21:47Oh, the voice note isn't ten minutes, the voice notes.
21:50Ten seconds.
21:51OK.
21:52I'm going to do it in order of importance of what they need to know.
21:56We're doing the heart from above.
21:58I'm the left side.
21:59It's pink.
22:00It's got mum written on it, but I've done M and half of the U.
22:02My body is the top.
22:03The side is the umbrellas.
22:04It's pulsing.
22:05It's filled with pink fabric.
22:06But you have to pulse to make it...
22:09Why is she gabbling?
22:10Is she at gunpoint?
22:12Wait again.
22:13I think that what I've done is incredible.
22:16The side is the umbrellas.
22:18It's pulsing.
22:19It's filled with pink fabric.
22:20But you have to pulse to make it...
22:22The side is the umbrellas.
22:23I need to go again and just hear about the umbrella.
22:26My body is the top.
22:27The side is the umbrellas.
22:28Again?
22:29Yeah, I need to because that was an absolute gobbledygook gobble.
22:32My body is the top.
22:33The side is the umbrellas.
22:35Go again with the umbrella.
22:37If they get it wrong, it's like that's on them completely.
22:41OK, so she said she is the left side.
22:43I think she's doing this.
22:45Something about mum written in it and full of pink.
22:51Right?
22:52Right.
22:53She's left-hand side.
22:54Right.
22:55Right, OK.
22:56And now I'm going to be right-hand side.
22:58Yeah.
22:59Four and a half minutes.
23:00Oh, no!
23:01I'm going to spell, um, the other half of mum with flowers.
23:06Get rid of that.
23:08Sorry.
23:11There's a creature on me!
23:13Give me the M of that.
23:14Please.
23:18All I've got to do now is fashion a U.
23:20Half of the U.
23:22I love you, Mum.
23:23I love you, Mum.
23:26Thank you, Rhys.
23:27I thought it was quite good, that.
23:34I mean, from what I've seen so far, you're an incredible team, I thought, to be honest.
23:38Yes.
23:39It does feel like an exercise that you'd make a couple that's about to break up do to try and...
23:42Yeah, and it looks like you guys are going to last.
23:46Often, a clip gets thrown up that we can use out of context throughout a series.
23:50Right.
23:51And I think probably this is...
23:52Yeah, the brave boy dealing with a little bug.
23:54Yeah.
23:55OK.
23:57There's a creature on me!
24:00No one comes running in to help, though, does it?
24:02It's one of those things that's going to keep being funny as well.
24:04Yeah.
24:05Show it again, no?
24:06Show it again, yeah.
24:07You'll still get a laugh.
24:09There's a creature on me!
24:10OK, we're halfway through the show.
24:14And as Alex's wife-slash-mum said to me when she discovered his subscription to Greedy Butter Babes...
24:21It's time for a break.
24:34Hello!
24:35Welcome!
24:36It's the start of part three where we've mixed up the team to create two patchwork hearts.
24:42Oh, just a bit.
24:43Yes, they're using their bodies to create the most affecting heart,
24:47following instructions from their team members via a voice note.
24:50Now, for the other team, it's Maisie, it's Phil and Sanjeev.
24:54OK, we need to do it on the floor, I think.
24:57One third is the round bit here.
25:00Second third, which I can instruct someone to do, is the other bit.
25:04I'll do the point.
25:06And I will compliment Greg's top half.
25:08Then the next person must compliment his, like, torso.
25:12And then the last person, compliment his lovely legs.
25:15In a not objectifying way.
25:17Hmm.
25:18You know, like, those legs are great for swimming.
25:20So, I'll go...
25:22I'll be the point.
25:23There, look.
25:24Oh, I'll also let them know I'm wearing black, then we can all be the same colour.
25:27Right, Alex, I'm ready for my voice note.
25:30I'm not going to look at you cos you will put me off, no offence.
25:33Here we go.
25:35Bum to the floor.
25:36I'm the point of the heart.
25:37One of you needs to be the left side, the round side.
25:39One of you needs to be the right round side.
25:42Wear black and pay a compliment to Greg.
25:45Genuinely, chicken soup is really good.
25:48I can't recommend doing that.
25:50I don't want to tempt fate, but there's no way they can cock that up.
25:54I found some black stuff.
25:58How long have I got, Alex?
26:00Seven minutes.
26:01Seems like too long, doesn't it?
26:03Okay.
26:04Now, where would Maisie point?
26:06I reckon she's gone point like that.
26:14How long have I got?
26:15One and a half minutes.
26:16Do I have to stay in this position?
26:17Yes.
26:18Ready?
26:19I'm going to play you the instructions from one of your two teammates.
26:23Okay.
26:24Fingers crossed.
26:25Hey, May.
26:26Um, Maisie's the point of the heart.
26:29With a bum to the floor.
26:31There's a V shape.
26:32I'm the left hand curve of the heart.
26:34You need to be the right hand.
26:37Can I hear it again?
26:38Yes, please.
26:39Hey, May.
26:40Um, Maisie's the point of the heart.
26:43So, if she was doing a V shape, she might be doing that as the bottom of the heart.
26:49He was the left hand, so I'd be the right.
26:52Here.
26:54It's that.
26:57There you go.
26:58Okay.
26:59Do you think you obeyed the instructions?
27:01Uh, hey, May.
27:02Uh...
27:03Yeah, I think I did, but I might have just got...
27:06LAUGHTER
27:07APPLAUSE
27:09Lovely work.
27:11Well, this is...
27:14I mean, Maisie and Sanjeev were incredibly effective heart makers.
27:18Straight to the point, clear instructions.
27:20And then there's Phil.
27:21LAUGHTER
27:22I looked like a reverse stripper, didn't I?
27:24Came in and just got dressed.
27:26LAUGHTER
27:27You've certainly upset the two incredibly efficient parts of the heart,
27:31but maybe it won't matter.
27:32Maybe the heart will still be a thing of beauty.
27:34Can I, um, see the team of two first?
27:37Why not? Let's save the team of three.
27:38Here is Anya and Rhys' heart.
27:40And remember, the sad is the umbrella.
27:43Here we go.
27:45Oh, that's good.
27:46That's pretty good!
27:48LAUGHTER
27:50On the bullshit!
27:52CHEERING
27:54I think it's very good.
27:58It's a very lovely tribute to someone's mother.
28:02And it was animated.
28:04I mean, I've got nothing negative to say.
28:06I think it's really brought us back together.
28:08Absolutely, yeah.
28:09We're all right now, aren't we?
28:10Yeah.
28:11Let's have a look at the other heart.
28:12OK, the team of three.
28:13Harder with three people, arguably.
28:15This is what they came up with.
28:17Greg has a lovely beard that is complemented by his glasses.
28:23Always been a big fan, Greg.
28:26I never used to like people taller than me.
28:29But you're the first person that I could genuinely have
28:32to look after my children.
28:33Of which I have none.
28:35LAUGHTER
28:40LAUGHTER
28:42There we go.
28:44Sorry, there seems to be something wrong with the tape there.
28:47I wasn't told to make you a compliment.
28:49That is true.
28:50LAUGHTER
28:52I mean, if you just look at Maisie and Sanjeev and that heart,
28:55it is perfect.
28:56Look at Sanjeev.
28:57What a curve.
28:58What a curve.
28:59Half a curl.
29:00What a curve.
29:01He looks the most peaceful I've ever seen.
29:03LAUGHTER
29:04It looks like you're trying to post a letter in my arse.
29:07LAUGHTER
29:10The letter starts with, hey, mate.
29:12APPLAUSE
29:22Five points to the mum heart.
29:23Congratulations.
29:24Say that now.
29:25Congratulations, Daniel.
29:26Perfect.
29:27Let's have a look at the other heart.
29:29It's impressive in a way.
29:30I'll give them three points.
29:31They deserve three.
29:32OK.
29:33Three points and five points.
29:34APPLAUSE
29:36One more, please.
29:37Yes, please.
29:38And giddy up, or hold on to your horses,
29:40because we're off to our horse-based location
29:42for a horse-based task.
29:44And I'm not even jockeying.
29:46LAUGHTER
29:48Hi, Alex Horne.
30:03This is exciting.
30:04It's the viewing deck.
30:06Is that a trot or a gallop?
30:09That was sprint.
30:10That was 100 miles per hour.
30:12OK.
30:14Interesting.
30:15Strange darts.
30:18Hedgehog darts.
30:19Mm-hm.
30:20Binoculars if you need them.
30:22I buried a hedgehog once.
30:24Why?
30:25Well, I found it dead in the road
30:27and I thought I'll give it a dignified funeral.
30:32Win the horse race.
30:34Win the horse race.
30:35Have you spotted your horse?
30:42Yes.
30:43Oh, has he got my face?
30:44Oh, God!
30:48Oh, my God, that's terrifying.
30:52You must do one of the following things.
30:54Eat something without looking at the food.
30:57Spin the wheel at least 720 degrees.
31:01Twice.
31:02Throw a dart at the dartboard.
31:06That one there.
31:07If you eat an olive, your horse will advance two steps.
31:09If you eat a grape, your horse will retreat three steps.
31:15I've never eaten an olive in my life.
31:19This is going to be a nightmare.
31:21If you throw a dart in an olive, your horse will advance five steps.
31:25If you throw a dart in a grape, your horse will retreat eight steps.
31:31If the wheel lands on an olive, your horse will advance ten steps.
31:37You couldn't have done it with chips.
31:39If the wheel lands on a grape, your horse will retreat 15 steps.
31:47You must stay on the spot and you must not move the spot.
31:50First horse past the post wins.
31:52You have a maximum of 30 minutes.
31:54Your time starts on the whistle.
31:56You're riding a horse. What is your horse called?
31:58Doctor Magic.
32:02Called Maschiniblik.
32:03Maschiniblik.
32:04Yeah, it's a golf term.
32:05Old Pip.
32:08George Clooney.
32:09OK, so you're riding George Clooney today.
32:11The Envy of Many.
32:13What do they write on the door in The Shining?
32:16It's Maschiniblik on the left-hand side, followed by Red Rum.
32:19Red Rum.
32:20That's what they do in horse racing, isn't it?
32:21Red Rum.
32:23Your horse is called Red Rum.
32:24OK.
32:26I'm still sort of dumpstruck by the mask of me.
32:30I can't stand it.
32:31It looks like some sort of...
32:32It's like Hannibal...
32:33Oh, Christ.
32:35Doctor's orders.
32:44Do you think the impact in the film The Shining...
32:47Oh, for God's sake.
32:49Do you think it would have lost some of its impact?
32:50It would have lost some of its impact if they'd gone,
32:52Oh, Mordor.
32:56I will walk out.
33:00Anyway, back to horses.
33:01Yeah.
33:02Can't wait to see these jockeys in action.
33:03Yes, they control the horses.
33:04Olives good, grapes bad.
33:06The first jockeys to the starting stalls are Sanjeev, Maisie and Rhys,
33:10with their horses George Clooney, Red Rum and Mashie Niblick.
33:13Do you know, I don't think I've ever concentrated on the feel of an olive.
33:17Well, now's your chance.
33:18Oh, you think you can tell olives from grapes.
33:21OK.
33:22It's an olive.
33:23George Clooney, you may advance two steps.
33:30Right in a grape.
33:31Come on, Red Rum.
33:32That's an olive.
33:33You hit an olive.
33:34Yes!
33:35That's an olive.
33:36The horse will advance.
33:37Congratulations.
33:38It's time.
33:39Ooh.
33:40Which one, which one?
33:41Was it that one?
33:42Yep.
33:43That's a great.
33:44Is that the grape?
33:45Yeah.
33:46It's a great.
33:47That's a great.
33:49That's a great.
33:50Great.
33:51That's ridiculous.
33:54That's an olive all the time.
33:57Yeah.
33:58It's a great.
33:59It's a great.
34:00It's a great.
34:01Great.
34:02That's ridiculous.
34:03That's not an olive all the time.
34:06You're good, no?
34:07C'est un olivé tout le long.
34:10OK.
34:15Olivé, forwards 10.
34:17Oh, non, parce que... Sorry.
34:18Mais c'est bon pour vous.
34:19C'est bon.
34:20C'est bon.
34:28Oh, il est sprinting, là.
34:31Fille un peu sick.
34:33C'est un olivé.
34:34C'est un olivé.
34:35C'est un olivé.
34:36C'est pas worth 2 steps.
34:39Oh!
34:40The horse will advance 10 steps.
34:41I'm going to will it to be an olivé.
34:43It is.
34:44He has crossed the finish line.
34:46Come on, George.
34:47Well done, Red Room.
34:48And Mashiniblick has crossed the finish line.
34:50Expressionless, dead-eyed.
34:54Why would you ever have that before your meal?
34:57It's minging.
35:00Oh!
35:01C'est gross.
35:02I don't like to be regionally prejudiced, but you hate olives as well.
35:12Yeah, I'd had one before.
35:14Oh!
35:15What the hell is going on?
35:16I would also point out, yes, Annie just asked, did you know there was a camera in the bin?
35:20And I don't...
35:21I think I would have made more of an effort not to drool into the bin.
35:24LAUGHTER
35:25OK.
35:26We're stopping once again in the final part of the show.
35:28We'll witness our very own Taskmaster Derby.
35:31Plus, someone will take home a tea towel and a ball attached to some string.
35:36So, highs, lows.
35:37Highs, real lows.
35:39APPLAUSE
35:40Hello!
35:41And welcome back to the final part of the show and our own Grand National of Sorts at Sandown Racecourse.
35:57Yes, but before the race, we need to see how Anya and Phil did at progressing their horses,
36:01Dr Magic and Old Pip towards the post.
36:05Let's have a look at this.
36:08I don't know how to play this game because I'm not an old man.
36:11Start first.
36:13Think olive.
36:14That's a grape.
36:15Oh, come on, Old Pip.
36:17I didn't know horses could go backwards.
36:21Miss.
36:24Shall I try this?
36:25Do I have to eat the whole olive?
36:27They're not in here.
36:28They look rank, don't they? What is that for?
36:34Grape.
36:35Oh, they're salty!
36:36It's a salty grape, yeah.
36:39Oh, my God.
36:40Oh, my God.
36:41Oh, my God.
36:42This is my Everest.
36:43Old Pip, you can advance two steps.
36:45Two!
36:46Come on, mate!
36:51Olive.
36:52Grape.
36:53Are you kidding me?
36:54Fifteen steps.
36:55Fifteen?
36:56When's that happened?
36:57Come on, Old Pip.
36:58Dr. Magic.
36:59She's going to be in a different country soon.
37:05Stop.
37:06Fuck.
37:08This is rig...
37:09Is this rigged?
37:10Olive!
37:11Grape.
37:13Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
37:16Oh, come on!
37:17Fifteen is insane!
37:18Can I change these?
37:19Can I just take these off?
37:20That would make more sense, wouldn't it?
37:21Well, fingers crossed!
37:22Hey!
37:23Come on, boy!
37:24I've got a new idea.
37:25The wheel's about to land on her olive.
37:26Ready?
37:27Uh-huh.
37:28Please advance ten steps.
37:29Oh, let's just pull that short.
37:30What's it landed on?
37:31Olive!
37:32It's landed on Wolive, so please advance ten steps.
37:33That's an olive.
37:34Come on, boy!
37:35Advance ten steps.
37:36Yeah!
37:37Yeah!
37:38Yeah!
37:39Yeah!
37:40Yeah!
37:41Yeah!
37:42Yeah!
37:43Yeah!
37:44Yeah!
37:45Yeah!
37:46Yeah!
37:47Yeah!
37:48Yeah!
37:49Yeah!
37:50Yeah!
37:51Yeah!
37:52Yeah!
37:53Yeah!
37:54Yeah!
37:55Yeah!
37:56Yeah!
37:57That's an olive.
37:58Come on, boy!
37:59Advance ten steps.
38:00Yeah!
38:01Ha-ha!
38:02Five, four, three, two, one.
38:05We've finished the race.
38:07Blast off.
38:08Let me get him!
38:09I wanna hook him.
38:12Yeah, baby!
38:14He's a good boy!
38:15Yeah!
38:16Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
38:17Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
38:18What a .
38:19Oui !
38:20What a victory !
38:22Come on, let's get you to the glue factory.
38:25APPLAUSE
38:32So nice to see a man running excitedly
38:35to hug a member of production group.
38:38You know, they played a blindage, didn't they?
38:40Well, was it too little too late?
38:41They did get very unlucky with the spinning wheel.
38:43There were more olives and grapes,
38:45but we're going to see them all race as one, Greg,
38:47and we can see who wins. Ready?
38:48We don't know.
38:49Yeah.
38:50OK, they're under starter orders,
38:51but Phil and Maisie's starter orders
38:53are definitely not olives.
38:54It's a little joke.
38:55Let's get down to the track.
38:56Good luck, everyone.
39:03Come on, George.
39:04Come on, Red Room.
39:05Get up.
39:06Come on, George.
39:07Giddy up.
39:08Giddy up, come on.
39:09Good old George.
39:11Right, here we go.
39:12Machiniblick.
39:13Doctor Magic.
39:14Last one.
39:15WHISTLE
39:16WHISTLE
39:17Is Machiniblick on the right downside?
39:18Come on, old Pip, you bastard!
39:20Oh, no!
39:21Come on, old Pip!
39:22I'm gone.
39:24I must have won.
39:25APPLAUSE
39:26And the tragedy is, it was only old Pip that had to be put down.
39:36LAUGHTER
39:37Yeah, Sanjeev won 3 minutes 56, just six seconds quicker than Maisie's Red Room.
39:42Phil took as long to eat one olive as Sanjeev did.
39:46LAUGHTER
39:47Never again.
39:49So, yeah, five to Sanjeev, four to Maisie, three to Anya, two to Phil,
39:52and one point to Rhys Shearsmith.
39:54Well done, Rhys.
39:55There it is.
39:58Can we have one more look at the scores, then?
40:00It's tight, Greg.
40:01It's the tightest episode so far.
40:02There are just four points between the top four.
40:04At the top of the pile, it's Sanjeev with 15 points.
40:07Amazing.
40:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:11OK, everyone, make your way to the stage, please.
40:13Why? I'll tell you why.
40:14The final task of the show!
40:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:21Hello, my tender friend.
40:23Who will be reading the task?
40:25I think Anya should read it.
40:26Anya!
40:27Yes.
40:28OK.
40:32What?
40:33This one's mad.
40:35Fill out your form.
40:37Ugh.
40:38Fill out your form?
40:39Yeah, they've got big forms in front of them.
40:41There are ten flaps on your form.
40:43Open the flap.
40:44Fill in the form.
40:45Start.
40:53They've done it.
40:54Give Greg a nice big smile.
40:55They've completed the form!
40:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:58OK.
41:01I would now ask you to display your forms and stand beside them.
41:04There's a little flap on the back of the desk.
41:06And then Anya's going to read part two of the task.
41:08Oh!
41:09No.
41:10Oh, no.
41:11Either convince the taskmaster that you have written something
41:14other than what you have written, or exactly what you have written.
41:18If you fail to deceive the taskmaster, you are eliminated.
41:23Last person standing wins.
41:25So, Greg's going to call out, one at a time, a number and a category.
41:29OK.
41:30So, you have to either say what you've written, or something you haven't written.
41:33If he gets it right, you're out.
41:35He'll start with you, Anya.
41:36Number three, and the category is a motorway.
41:39Ooh, which motorway did you write, Anya?
41:41I wrote the M40.
41:43Hmm.
41:44You did not.
41:45Let's see what you've written, Anya.
41:48She...
41:49Oh!
41:50She wrote the A40.
41:51That's...
41:52That is what I meant.
41:54She meant the M40, clearly.
41:56The A40 becomes the M40, you're fine.
41:58You've survived.
41:59Right.
42:00APPLAUSE
42:05OK, Maisie, I would like you to do number four.
42:08Best kitchen appliance.
42:10I put a kettle.
42:11Have you?
42:17She did put a kettle.
42:19Did you put a kettle?
42:21Yes.
42:22Kettle, yeah.
42:23Maisie, please sit down and take your form with you.
42:25Thank you.
42:26Gently.
42:27Gently.
42:28Gently.
42:29Thank you.
42:30All right, Maisie's out in round one.
42:32OK, on we go.
42:33Oh, I'm terrified.
42:34Phil, number seven.
42:35Oh!
42:36Something quite big.
42:37Tell me what you've written and I'll tell you whether you're telling me the truth or not.
42:40I've written, you know.
42:42LAUGHTER
42:45What have you written?
42:46I've written, you know.
42:48You've just written the words, you know.
42:50Yeah, like, something quite big and I've gone, you say...
42:52In your end.
42:53It means his cock.
42:55And I've gone...
42:56LAUGHTER
42:57OK.
42:58I think...
42:59You know.
43:00I think that's true.
43:01He has written that.
43:02Oh, fuck.
43:03Number seven, Phil, what have you written?
43:04Number seven.
43:05Oh, fuck.
43:06Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil.
43:08Phil, Phil, Phil.
43:09Phil, Phil, Phil.
43:10Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil.
43:11APPLAUSE
43:14Rhys, I would like you to read out number five, which is a new band name.
43:21I said Style Lemon.
43:23LAUGHTER
43:24I don't think Rhys did put Style Lemon.
43:25Rhys, show us what you write.
43:26Style Bomb.
43:27Oh!
43:28Rhys, you have to sit down.
43:29You're right, Rhys?
43:30No, it's fucking disgrace.
43:31LAUGHTER
43:32Please take your form with you.
43:33Right, well, there's only two left.
43:34Let's have, number ten, a quite scary animal.
43:38Leopard.
43:39I think he's double-bluffing me with the doubt in his voice.
43:41I think you did write Leopard.
43:42We have a winner!
43:43APPLAUSE
43:44We have a winner!
43:45APPLAUSE
43:46That's not right.
43:47Come down and get me!
43:48CHEERING
43:49Come down and get me!
43:50Yeah!
43:51CHEERING
43:52APPLAUSE
43:53We have a winner!
43:54APPLAUSE
43:55That's not right!
43:56Come down and get me!
43:57CHEERING
43:58APPLAUSE
43:59We have a winner!
44:00APPLAUSE
44:01That's not right!
44:02APPLAUSE
44:03Come down and get me!
44:04APPLAUSE
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