My Own Mind Became A PRISON I Could Not ESCAPE!

God's Heart TV

"The silence of my room became my hiding place, yet inside that silence was only just more despair..."  If you're struggling with depression, dealing with anxiety or tormented by negative thoughts, this eye-opening testimony is for you! Be inspired as you hear how Fanele came out of a 'deep pit of darkness' that engulfed her life for four years - after joining an Interactive Prayer Service on God's Heart TV.   To join the next Interactive Prayer Service with Brother Chris through Zoom, simply submit your prayer request here - https://www.godsheart.tv/zoom - and the God's Heart TV Team will be in touch with you soon via email at info@godsheart.tv   ➡️ Receive Daily Encouragement on WhatsApp - https://godsheart.tv/whatsapp/ ➡️ Become a God's Heart TV Partner - https://godsheart.tv/partnership ➡️ Information about Interactive Prayer - https://godsheart.tv/interactive-prayer/ ➡️ Volunteer as a God's Heart TV Translator - https://godsheart.tv/translate/ ➡️ Share your testimony - https://godsheart.tv/testimony ➡️ Join our Live Prayer Service on the first Saturday of every month - https://www.youtube.com/godshearttv/live

Transcript

00:00the silence of my room became my hiding place yet inside that silence was only just more

00:08despair that's when anxiety also tagged along and it became a constant companion it became a friend

00:17of the depression i was always restless i was always on edge i was always expecting something

00:23to go wrong i was always replaying worries i was always creating the worst case scenarios in my

00:29head my own mind became a prison that i could never escape

00:35grace and peace to you um my name is funnele and i'm testifying all the way from south africa

00:50so my testimony is on the healing and restoration that god um has brought upon my life so firstly

00:59i just want to give a backstory of what was going on for so long um so for about four years i lived in

01:09what felt like a deep pit of darkness um i suffered from depression anxiety and at a later point i also

01:20suffered from psychosis which took control of my life in a way i never thought possible

01:28um but the truth is the silence had started much earlier um growing up i faced certain challenges

01:35at home that planted seeds of pain and insecurity so there were times when i felt a heavy weight of

01:47responsibility on my shoulders having to carry burdens that i believe were beyond my age at that time

01:55um having to deal with certain conflicts in the household uh certain struggles and um emotional

02:03misunderstandings that led and created an atmosphere where i often felt unseen unheard and and just alone

02:13um so even as a young person i wrestled with um severe feelings of sadness um feelings of fear

02:22feelings of pressure my nights would be filled with a worry and that's when moments of anxiety started

02:30trickling in um when tension would rise at home or times when i felt like i had no one to talk to

02:38um i then developed a habit where i was so used to keeping my feelings inside i would pretend to be fine

02:46on the outside but um while i knew that deep down i was slowly breaking down and as i grew older instead

02:56of effacing and healing from those wounds and certain situations i sought means of escape and that made me

03:07fall into um the wrong company of friends people who seemed to offer comfort people who seemed to offer

03:16um the support that i needed at that moment uh not realizing that their lifestyle pulled me

03:24further from god and deeper into destructive habits um i then got to a point where i began experimenting

03:33with um with um substances first it was out of curiosity you know out of wanting to fit in

03:40then it became a way to numb the pain of what i was carrying at home and that also just continued to

03:48escalate to a point where um i started self-harming as well um what seemed fun at that time quickly became

03:58a trap for the enemy to operate in my life um it gave him um different kinds of footholds um

04:07the substances and the self-harming gave me temporary relief but afterwards um the sadness the fear and

04:17this emptiness and the void that i was trying to feel only grew stronger um that's when depression started to

04:26take over and it became more severe um my mornings felt super and unbearable waking up would be really

04:36hard and you know things that i once loved i started to lose interest in um simple tasks such as having to

04:46get out of bed having to take a bath um cooking a meal for myself felt impossible it felt hard it felt like

04:55an entire job and a half and i then isolated myself because i didn't have the energy or the strength to

05:04face people and that was including my family um the silence of my room became my hiding place um

05:13yet inside that silence was only just more despair um that's when anxiety also tagged along and it became

05:23i would say a constant companion it became a friend of the depression um i was always restless i was

05:31always on edge i was always expecting something to go wrong my mind always ran in circles um i was

05:38always replaying worries i was always creating the worst case scenarios in my head um to a point where it

05:45even affected my body my physical health my heart would always race for no reasons i would have um

05:52um panic attacks or anxiety attacks where my hands would shake my entire body would just shake and i could

06:00never feel at peace um and then adding on to that psychosis then came along and it brought its own

06:09torment um my thoughts became clouded they became distorted i felt super disconnected from reality

06:20um i felt like i wasn't living i couldn't understand if i was existing or not at that point i was always so

06:29unable to trust what i was thinking or what i was feeling i felt foreign in my own body um many times i would

06:39hear voices condemning me out here voices i would see images images or um i felt as though i was just

06:46constantly being watched um my own mind became a prison that i could never escape and i always lived

06:57in genuine fear of myself um sleep was never an escape it would follow me even in my sleep it would

07:05come up through dreams it would come up through hallucinations and it really did affect um my life

07:12and my work life as a whole um in terms of work i struggled to focus and complete simple tasks

07:21um deadlines would slip away mistakes would just pile up on some days i did not even want to show up

07:30at all and even when i was physically present my mind would constantly be in turmoil it will constantly

07:37be in chaos and it brought about lots of embarrassment and shame and i always felt like i was just

07:44constantly leading people down um relationships around me continuously fell apart at home i withdrew from

07:55my family um i withdrew from certain friends um i would avoid conversations and i would just shut myself

08:03in my room i wanted to be in my own space that would be the only time that i would at least try to feel

08:10normal i guess if i can put it that way and also because i just i didn't want to burden my family with

08:15the weight that i was carrying at that point um and i was just creating more and more distance and i was

08:24just drifting away and people that truly cared about me also drifted away whilst the ones that i hung on to

08:32the ones that i clung on to only encouraged my destructive patterns um spiritually i felt completely

08:40cut off from god my prayers felt empty and at times i would even wonder if god can hear me or sees what

08:50is happening in my life at that point when i would try to read the word of god when i tried to open my bible

08:57it would give me no comfort at all because i couldn't focus on the words my mind was just

09:04always constantly clouded um i felt abandoned i felt unworthy of his love or even coming before

09:13um his presence and for a good four years this was just my constant life it was just a

09:20a cycle of darkness a cycle of shame a cycle of fear and and bondage until um late 2024

09:32where i believe god's mercy reached me through my mother when she encouraged me to join an interactive

09:40prayer service through god's hot tv and it wasn't the first time um i reached the point um where i told

09:48myself i have nothing to lose and let me just try it out so um during the prayer interaction um brother

09:57christ then asked us to tell god what we wanted him to do for us and at that point i i wanted nothing to

10:06do with materialistic things i it wasn't physical things that i wanted i just said lord please deliver me

10:14from all this depression all this bondage and just make me whole again and when i added those words

10:23something shifted in that moment that i cannot fully explain but i did feel the heavy burden in my heart

10:30to begin to lift and the deliverance from all of that was quite funny because i never noticed it

10:36immediately i only noticed it a few months after and that was um a conversation that i was having

10:45with someone at that point and it led to the topic of depression and all of that and i realized that

10:51the past couple of months i've actually been pretty normal i haven't had a single episode um in terms

10:59of the anxiety of the depression or the psychosis i realized that i was actually living and i felt

11:06okay that was the beginning of um my transformation um god really and truly started to work in me

11:17um i was able to build a consistent prayer life i was able to to read the word of god and understand

11:28through the power of the holy spirit what i was reading my relationships definitely started improving

11:35a lot um not just improving improving is not enough to describe what the restoration that god has brought

11:41about um in family um friends and just people around um sleeping has been amazing and now it's a

11:52no longer a place where all the darkness would follow me to um i just sleep now i can just sleep

11:59to a point where i don't even remember how i i slept i sleep so amazingly um then on saturday the 6th of

12:09september a recent um interactive prayer session that um brother chris held i joined in again

12:19and with this one i had been suffering from a constant um pain on my right shoulder blade a pain that i

12:29myself could not know how i acquired i tried to exercise i tried to stretch i tried um certain forms of

12:37therapy to get rid of it but it was just constantly and chronically there um during that prayer interaction

12:44but the curse then instructed us to reach out to wherever um there was pain in any parts of our

12:53bodies and he began to pray and whilst he was praying the pain just vanished at that very moment it just

13:03completely disappeared in that moment of prayer and i remember constantly checking myself to make sure

13:10that what i was feeling was right um my mother thought i was playing when i was shaking myself and

13:17i had to later know that no i'm just checking to make sure that that pain is really gone and it was

13:24indeed really gone can you just exercise your shoulder tell us how are you feeling now i feel amazing i don't

13:33feel anything um everything is working perfectly there's not a single ounce of pain um god has truly restored

13:43me and permanently so i don't think there's any greater advice i can give than to say surrender

13:52your lives to god just surrender to god in all that you do and allow god to transform

14:00and work in your life um allow yourself to live in the purpose that god has called for you god truly is

14:08the way the truth and the life

14:29the truth and the truth and the truth and the truth and the truth and the truth and ginger

14:41how do you deal with it

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