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Tv, Yes Minister - S02E05 - The Devil You Know
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Yes Minister 1980 - 1984 BBC
#Yes Minister
Yes Minister 1980 - 1984 BBC
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00:30It's absolutely intolerant.
00:47Yes, quite so, Minister.
00:49There we were, each separate department,
00:52just about to order different sorts of word processing equipment,
00:55all in dribs and drabs,
00:56and I persuaded them to allow the Department of Administrative Affairs
00:59to place one really big central order for everyone,
01:02big enough for UK manufacturers
01:04to make the right sort of investment in systems development.
01:07Yes, Minister. Quite so.
01:08Well, I don't have to tell you to.
01:09No, certainly not.
01:11Months of patient negotiation,
01:13we were on the eve of making a major press announcement.
01:16Hackers' massive investment in modern technology.
01:19Jim's vote of confidence in British industry.
01:22Britain can make it, says Jim.
01:25Yes, Minister.
01:27Listen, this directive comes from Brussels,
01:29saying that all EEC members
01:31must conform to some niggling European word processing standards,
01:35that we have to agree to the plans
01:37of masses of European word processing committees
01:39at the forthcoming European word processing conference in Brussels.
01:43Well, say something.
01:50Yes, Minister.
01:51Quite so.
01:53Is that all you want to say?
01:55Well, Minister, I'm afraid that is the penalty we have to pay
01:58for trying to pretend that we're Europeans.
02:00Believe me, I fully understand your hostility to Europe.
02:03I'm not like you, Humphrey.
02:04I'm pro-Europe. I'm just anti-Brussels.
02:08I sometimes think you're anti-Europe and pro-Brussels.
02:11Oh, Minister, I'm neither pro nor anti-anything.
02:13I'm merely a humble vessel
02:15into which ministers pour the fruits of their deliberations.
02:18Humble vessel.
02:19But it could well be argued
02:20that given the absurdity of the whole European idea,
02:23that Brussels is in fact doing its best
02:25to defend the indefensible and to make the unworkable work.
02:28That is simply not true, Humphrey.
02:30I know it'll sound pompous,
02:32but the European ideas are our best hope
02:33of avoiding narrow national self-interest.
02:36That doesn't sound pompous, Minister.
02:37Good.
02:38Merely inaccurate.
02:41Listen, humble vessel.
02:43Europe is a community of nations
02:45dedicated towards one goal.
02:47Oh.
02:49May we share the joke, Humphrey?
02:50Oh, Minister.
02:51Now, let's look at this objectively.
02:54It is a game played for national interests and always was.
02:57Why do you suppose we went into it?
02:59To strengthen the brotherhood of free Western nations.
03:02Oh, really?
03:02We went in to screw the French
03:03by splitting them off from the Germans.
03:06Well, why did the French go into it, then?
03:09Well, to protect their inefficient farmers
03:11from commercial competition.
03:12It certainly doesn't apply to the Germans.
03:14No, no.
03:14They went in to cleanse themselves of genocide
03:16and apply for readmission to the human race.
03:19Never heard such appalling cynicism.
03:21Oh, happens.
03:22Well, at least the small nations
03:23didn't go into it for selfish reasons.
03:24Oh, really?
03:26Luxembourg's in it for the perks.
03:28The capital of the EEC,
03:30all that foreign money pouring in.
03:31Very sensible central location.
03:33With the administration in Brussels
03:34and the parliament in Strasbourg.
03:37Minister.
03:38It's like having the House of Commons in Swindon
03:41and the civil service in Kettering.
03:43If this were true,
03:45why would the other nations have been trying to get in?
03:46Such as?
03:47Well, take the Greeks.
03:48Actually, I find it difficult to take the Greeks.
03:51Open-minded as I am about foreigners,
03:53as you both well know.
03:55But what will they want out of it?
03:57An olive mountain and a Retsina lake.
03:59I just don't accept any of this, Humphrey.
04:01Oh, I'm so sorry, Minister.
04:02I suppose some of your best friends are Greeks.
04:05No, very dry.
04:07The trouble with Brussels is not internationalism.
04:10It's too much bureaucracy.
04:11But the bureaucracy is a consequence of the internationalism.
04:15Why else would there be an English commissioner
04:17with a French director-general immediately below him
04:20and an Italian chef de division
04:21reporting to the Frenchman and so on down the line?
04:23Oh, I agree.
04:24It's like the Tower of Babel.
04:25I agree.
04:26No, it's even worse.
04:27It's like the United Nations.
04:28I agree.
04:29But perhaps, perhaps, if I may interject,
04:31you are, in fact, in agreement.
04:33No, we're not.
04:35Brussels is a shambles.
04:36You know what they say about the average common market official.
04:38He has the organising ability of the Italians,
04:41the flexibility of the Germans,
04:42and the modesty of the French.
04:44And that's topped up by the imagination of the Belgian,
04:46the generosity of the Dutch,
04:48and the intelligence of the Irish.
04:49Oh, gee.
04:50But it's all a great big gravy train.
04:53What do you mean?
04:53They live on champagne and caviar,
04:56chauffeur-driven Mercedes,
04:58private aeroplanes.
05:00Every one of those officials has got his snout in the trough.
05:03Most of them have got their two front trotters in as well.
05:05Oh, Minister, I beg to differ.
05:08Brussels is full of busy, hard-working public servants
05:11who have to endure a lot of exhausting travel and tedious entertainment.
05:15Oh, terribly tedious.
05:16Working their way through all that smoked salmon,
05:18forcing back all that champagne.
05:19Well, in any case, Minister,
05:21I think you're blaming the wrong people.
05:24What do you mean, blaming the wrong people?
05:25Well, I understand it was one of your cabinet colleagues
05:28who gave Brussels early warning of your plan for bulk buying,
05:32which is why they brought their directive out so quickly.
05:35Cabinet colleagues?
05:38Don't tell me bloody Corbett again.
05:42When I think of Basil Corbett,
05:43I really warm to Judas Iscariot.
05:45Yes, yes, it does seem that it was
05:48the Secretary of State for trade and industry, yes.
05:51A treacherous, disloyal, arrogant,
05:54self-opinionated, publicity-seeking creep.
05:58I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, can't I?
06:00On the contrary, Minister,
06:02compared with what his Permanent Secretary says,
06:04that ranks as a generous tribute.
06:07The hell did he do it?
06:08Oh, who can say.
06:08I think the answer might be in the evening paper, Minister.
06:11Whenever Corbett comes near me,
06:13I feel sharp, stabbing pains in the back.
06:15Oh, why did you give me this, Bernard?
06:18Er, no, just there.
06:19Oh, good God!
06:22Cabinet reshuffle?
06:24It's being rumoured that the PM will announce
06:26important Cabinet changes
06:28before the end of the present session?
06:31Well, why didn't I know about this?
06:34How do they know?
06:35Is this true, Humphrey?
06:36Oh, Minister, I am only a humble civil servant.
06:38I do not move in such exalted circles
06:41as Cabinet ministers and journalists.
06:43But is this rumour true?
06:44Yes.
06:47How do you know
06:47if you don't move in such exalted circles?
06:49I mean that it is true that it is rumoured.
06:52You haven't been a shuffle.
06:53I don't...
06:54I mean, I've hardly started to do the things that I...
06:56that we...
06:57Well, perhaps you won't be moved, Minister.
07:00Ah.
07:01Yeah, but if I'm not,
07:02it means my career isn't moving forward
07:04as it ought to be.
07:05Well, at least it wouldn't be moving backwards.
07:06Backwards?
07:09You don't mean...
07:10Good God, but I...
07:12I haven't...
07:13Oh, it's not...
07:14I mean...
07:15I've been doing all right, haven't I?
07:17But haven't...
07:17We've done all right, has it?
07:19Yes, sir.
07:19You've done all right, Minister.
07:21We've done all right, haven't we, Bernard?
07:22Oh, yes, Minister.
07:23I mean, I may not have been
07:24the outstanding success of this administration,
07:26but I haven't exactly been a failure, have I?
07:29No, Minister, you've done all right.
07:30I mean, in some ways, I've...
07:31I've been quite successful.
07:34And if Martin were moved to the Treasury,
07:37there's an outside chance
07:38I could get the Foreign Office.
07:42Yeah.
07:44Well, perhaps you might.
07:46You don't sound very certain.
07:47I'm not certain, Minister.
07:48Why not? What have you heard?
07:49Oh, no, nothing, nothing, I assure you.
07:50That's why I'm not certain.
07:52How does Bob Carlin know when we don't?
07:54Well, perhaps he has the PM's ear.
07:56Yes.
07:57And he's in the PM's pocket.
07:58Then the PM must have rather a large ear.
08:03Fine.
08:04Well,
08:06we won't worry about it anymore.
08:07No, Minister.
08:12We'll say no more about it.
08:13Yes, Minister.
08:14I mean, no, Minister.
08:17There's no point worrying about it, is there?
08:22Nothing to worry about, is there?
08:24No, Minister.
08:25So, Minister,
08:26shall we attend the word processing conference in Brussels?
08:28I think we should.
08:29But if the PM should move, Fred.
08:32Shall we attend the conference in Brussels?
08:34What?
08:36Word processing.
08:37Ah, well, does it take place before or after the reshuffle?
08:42Well, who can say?
08:43Ah, well, there you are, you see, no.
08:45I've known this sort of thing happen before.
08:47One day you're out of your office, next day you're out of office.
08:50There's no time for some idiotic foreign junkie.
08:53Ah, Minister,
08:55you mustn't allow the reshuffle to prey on your mind.
08:58Not praying on my mind.
09:01I'm not thinking any more about it.
09:03Splendid.
09:04Meet me at six o'clock, would you, Bernard,
09:05in the House of Shuffles?
09:06Er, cards.
09:06Er, comments.
09:15Good evening, Sir Humphrey.
09:16Oh, good evening, Major.
09:17Nice to see you again.
09:18Thank you very much.
09:18Arnold, when will we know about the reshuffle?
09:24A little while, yes.
09:25Hmm?
09:26Any news yet about my department?
09:28Give me a chance, Humphrey.
09:29I'm only Cabinet Secretary.
09:31I'm not the political correspondent of the new standard.
09:34But, er, how does my minister stand?
09:38Oh, I think the Prime Minister feels he's done all right.
09:41But there's been an interesting development.
09:45Hmm?
09:46Hmm.
09:47Ah.
09:52What?
09:55Brussels have asked if he'd be available for the next commissionership, if he wanted it.
10:00After all, he's a good European.
10:02In strict context.
10:05So you think that he might be gently eased out?
10:08Hmm?
10:08Well, Sir Humphrey, sir.
10:09Oh, there you are, Bernard.
10:11Yes, good.
10:13Right.
10:14Do you like a coffee, Bernard?
10:15Oh, er, thank you very much.
10:16Pull up a chair.
10:17George, bring me a coffee, would you?
10:19Hmm.
10:19Hmm.
10:19Well, Bernard, how do you feel about having a new minister?
10:26Er, do you mean he's, er...
10:27No, no, Sir Humphrey is merely a conjecture.
10:29Ah.
10:30Er, well, of course, I'd be very sorry.
10:34Er, why, er...
10:36Er, wouldn't you?
10:38Well, of course not.
10:40But the minister's just starting to get a grip on the job.
10:42Exactly.
10:43Ministers with a grip on the job are a bit of a nuisance, you know.
10:46They argue.
10:48But all ministers argue.
10:50Yes, but if they've got a grip on the job, there's a real danger that they might be right.
10:56One tells them that something is impossible, and they dig out an old paper in which one
11:01had said it was easy.
11:02Very tedious.
11:04The moment they've gone, one can wipe the slate clean and start again with a new boy.
11:08Wonderful things, reshuffles.
11:10And prime ministers like them, too.
11:13Fresh, decisive, keeps everyone on the hop.
11:15It's only ministers who panic about them.
11:18Exactly.
11:18Wouldn't it be interesting if ministers were fixed and permanent secretaries were shuffled
11:22around?
11:30That, Bernard, would strike at the very heart of the system that has made Britain what
11:36she is today.
11:37Power goes with permanence.
11:40Impermanence is impotence.
11:41And rotation is castration.
11:43It's time they all had a little spin.
11:46Oh, thank you.
11:47Yes, but surely in a democracy...
11:49Thank you, Bernard.
11:50That'll be all.
11:52Yes, but I've only just...
11:53Thank you, Bernard.
11:55Yes, sir.
11:56Thank you, Sir Humphrey.
11:58Good night, Sir Arnold.
11:59I'll move.
12:05Though if your minister does take Brussels, I wouldn't get out the champagne too soon,
12:10Humphrey.
12:11What do you mean?
12:12There is talk of his possible successor at your department.
12:16Oh.
12:18Who?
12:19I don't quite know how to put this, but, well, Basil Corbett.
12:24What's the matter, darling?
12:33Jim?
12:36Jim!
12:36I'm sorry?
12:37Something wrong?
12:39No, no.
12:40Nothing, really.
12:41Oh, something is.
12:43Just that the papers are full of rumours of a reshuffle.
12:46Are they true?
12:46I don't know.
12:47Why not?
12:48You're in the cabinet.
12:49That's just it.
12:50We'd be the last to find out.
12:51Can't you ask the PM?
12:52Well, of course not.
12:54Why not?
12:55Well, just can't.
12:58It'd look as if I were insecure.
13:01I see.
13:02See, I don't know whether it's good news or bad news.
13:05I don't know whether I should be pushed up or down.
13:07Well, just round and round as usual.
13:09I don't even know whether I've been a success or a failure.
13:12What do you think?
13:13I think you've done all right.
13:15Hmm.
13:17Is that good enough?
13:18I don't know, is it?
13:20I don't know, is it?
13:21I don't know.
13:23It's so difficult to tell, you see.
13:25The PM might think I've been too much of a success.
13:28You know, a challenge to the leadership.
13:30You?
13:34No, not me.
13:35But Martin, with my support.
13:37And you see, if the PM is standing by to repel borders,
13:40and Martin can't be got rid of safely, which she can't,
13:44not the Foreign Secretary,
13:45well, I'm the obvious one for demotion.
13:47You see, isolate Martin.
13:48Where would you be sent?
13:51Oh, there's no shortage of useless non-jobs.
13:54Lord President, Lord Previous Seal,
13:56Minister of Sport.
13:59Special responsibility for droughts and floods.
14:02Maybe you'll get promotion done.
14:06Maybe.
14:07Don't forget there's Basil Corbett.
14:10He's still out to get me.
14:11Oh, he's out to get everyone.
14:12He's a smooth-tongued, hard-nosed, cold-eyed, two-faced creep.
14:16Why is he so successful?
14:19Because he's a smooth-tongued, hard-nosed,
14:21cold-eyed, two-faced creep.
14:23Apart from that.
14:24And he looks OK on TV.
14:26So do you.
14:28Do I?
14:28Yes.
14:30Do you really mean that?
14:31Yes.
14:32Nice thing to say.
14:35Yes, I've got to elbow, Corbett, or he'll elbow me.
14:38Elbows.
14:39The most important weapon in a politician's armoury.
14:41Other than integrity.
14:42The most important weapon in a politician's armoury.
14:43The most important weapon in a politician's armoury.
14:52Yes?
14:54Who's speaking?
14:55Oh, hold on.
14:56It's Gaston LaRouz from Brussels.
14:58Brussels?
15:03Bonsoir, Commissioner.
15:04Commissar.
15:08Si.
15:11That's very interesting.
15:12Of course, I should need a little time to think about it.
15:17Oh, no, I'm very honoured.
15:19Tell me something.
15:20Does numero dee know that you're talking to me about this?
15:26Number ten.
15:30Downing Street.
15:34I see.
15:35Well, look, tell you what.
15:36Give me your home telephone number.
15:39Yes.
15:40Yes.
15:42And I'll give you a ring very soon.
15:46Thank you very much.
15:48Goodbye.
15:50What was that?
15:52I don't know.
15:53What do you know?
15:53What do you know?
15:53What do you know?
15:54What do you know?
15:54What do you know?
15:54What do you know?
15:56He wanted me to allow my name to be put forward as one of Britain's new commissioners for the
16:00EEC.
16:01What does it mean?
16:02I suppose it would mean living in Brussels.
16:08No, no, no, I mean, I mean, what does it mean?
16:12Number ten knows, you see.
16:13So is it a plot to ease me out?
16:16Or is it just a coincidence?
16:18What does it mean?
16:18Is it a hint?
16:19Is the PM giving me a face-saving exit, or is it nothing to do with the PM when the post
16:24was coming up anyway?
16:27Anyhow, it's a great honour, in a way.
16:30Is it a good job?
16:31Oh, terrible.
16:34It's curtains as far as British politics is concerned.
16:37It's worse than a peerage.
16:40Absolute failure.
16:41Total failure.
16:44You're reduced to forming a new party if ever you want to get back.
16:48What is the job in Paul?
16:50Well, you're at the heart of that ghastly Brussels bureaucracy, and the whole thing's a gravy train.
16:5550,000 a year salary, 20,000 a year expenses, champagne, lobsters, foreign travel, luxury hotel,
17:04private limousines, private aircraft, siestas in the afternoon, long weekends on the beach, lock in a zoot.
17:16I think we ought to go over and have a look.
17:18Why not?
17:20Sometimes I think we deserve a bit of failure.
17:27Going to be a reshuffle, eh, sir?
17:29Yes.
17:30I suppose you saw that in the standard.
17:32Yes, sir.
17:33So did I, actually.
17:35Of course, I first heard of it a couple of weeks ago, sir.
17:38Did you?
17:38Yes.
17:40Yes, well, so did I, really.
17:43Where did you hear it?
17:44All the drivers knew.
17:46Oh.
17:47From the PM's driver, the Cabinet Secretary's driver.
17:50Ah, of course.
17:53What else did they hear?
17:55Just the usual.
17:56Corbett's in line for promotion.
17:58The PM can't overlook him.
18:01And apparently old Fred, I mean the Employment Secretary, sorry, sir, he's going to get the push kicked upstairs.
18:08How do they know?
18:10His driver's been reassigned.
18:14What's, er, the gossip about me?
18:17Well, nothing, really, sir.
18:20Nothing?
18:20No.
18:21My mates and I haven't known what to make of that.
18:24Of course, you know what's happening to you, won't you, sir?
18:26Oh, yes, of course.
18:29And sometimes, you know, it's a bit difficult to know about oneself.
18:32You know, um, just how successful, er, what do your mates say about, er, they all think you've done all right, sir?
18:47Bernard, I'm in a bit of a quandary.
18:49Oh, er, can I help, Minister?
18:51Well, it's this reshuffle that's on the cards.
18:56Well, that's very witty, Minister.
18:59Oh.
19:01I'm sorry, I thought you were making a, er, do please carry on.
19:07To complicate matters, I've been asked to be one of the new commissioners for the EEC in Brussels.
19:11Oh, how very nice.
19:12Well, is it nice, Bernard?
19:14You see, that's the point.
19:15Bernard, tell me, quite frankly, as Minister here, do you think I've done all right?
19:26Oh, yes, Minister, you've done all right.
19:27Yes, you see, Humphrey's blocked me on so many issues, he's never really been on my side.
19:34And to be quite honest, I mean, all right isn't really good enough, is it?
19:39Well, it's all right.
19:41Have you, er, heard anything, er, on the grapevine?
19:51Er, about you?
19:52Well, er, nothing really, Minister, no.
19:55Only that a British commissioner in Europe sent a telegram to the FCO and to the Cabinet Committee on Europe.
20:01The idea for you to be a commissioner came from Brussels, but that it is, at the end of the day, a prime ministerial appointment.
20:06Er, the prime minister has, in fact, discussed it extensively with the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs and the Secretary of the Cabinet and cleared the way for you to be sounded out on the subject.
20:15Er, as it's believed at number 10 and number 11, that you might well accept such an honour.
20:20A colleague of yours has been sounded out about becoming our minister here at the DAA.
20:24I'm afraid that's all I know.
20:25No more than that.
20:33Which colleague of mine has been sounded out to take my place here?
20:39Bernard, if I were not to go to Europe, I mean, I mean, no, if I did go to, no, if I, if I were not to go to Europe, would I go up or down?
20:55Oh, time for your meeting with Sir Humphrey, a minute, sir.
20:59Er, yes, yes, fine, fine.
21:01What's it about?
21:02It's the proposed visit to the Word Processing Conference in Brussels.
21:05Ah, the Word Processing Conference.
21:08Ah, Humphrey, you'll be pleased to hear that I've changed my mind.
21:12I shall be going to Brussels after all.
21:16You're resigning from the Department of Administrative Affairs.
21:19No, no, no, no, no, no.
21:20I'm talking about this Word Processing Conference.
21:22Oh, I see.
21:23But I would like to see Brussels for myself, anyway.
21:27Why?
21:28Why not?
21:29Why not indeed, but why?
21:31I'm a curious person.
21:32You certainly are, Minister.
21:34And I think I've been a little hasty.
21:37I found your arguments on behalf of Brussels thoroughly convincing.
21:41Minister, I've been reflecting on your views, and I find much truth and wisdom in your criticism of Brussels.
21:46No, no.
21:47Now, you've implied that it is corrupt, and you've opened my eyes, Minister.
21:50No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
21:53Minister, please.
21:53Now, Humphrey, it is you who have convinced me.
21:56No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
21:57I am now convinced that Brussels is full of dedicated men all bearing a heavy burden of travel and entertainment.
22:05They need all that luxury.
22:08And your drinky.
22:08Caviar and champagne, private planes, air-conditioned Mercedes
22:13Well, it oils the diplomatic wheels, you know, Humphrey
22:15Snouts in the trough
22:18That is not an attractive phrase
22:20Oh, I'm so sorry
22:21I can't think where I picked it up
22:23Sir, we'll all go to this conference in Brussels, shall we agree?
22:27Yes, sir
22:27Is your change of heart about Brussels entirely to do with my argument?
22:32Yes, of course it is
22:32It wouldn't have anything to do with the rumour that you've been offered a post in Brussels yourself
22:38Humphrey, that thought is not worthy of you
22:40There is such a thing as integrity
22:44Oh, yes, thank you
22:50Corbett, you can't let someone like Corbett
23:00You simply can't let someone like Corbett loose on the department
23:04It'd be disastrous
23:05I mean, everything one says to Corbett appears in The Sun the next morning
23:09Glad to know you read The Sun
23:13Oh, but you...
23:14Yes, you really must stop it, Arnold
23:17I implore you
23:18I'm not the Prime Minister
23:20No, but it is really you who arranges the reshuffle, though, isn't it?
23:24Oh, no
23:24If there's an appointment the PM is really set on, the Cabinet Secretary must reluctantly acquiesce
23:30Well, I mean, you do keep your hand on the tiller
23:33Well, if Hacker decides to turn down Brussels, it will make it a lot easier to keep Corbett away from your department
23:40Well, I'm afraid that's just the trouble
23:42I think he's going to take Brussels
23:44Oh
23:45Yes, I know
23:47He says he believes in the European ideal
23:49Yes, I know, I know
23:52But you know how it is with politicians
23:55They get taken in by their own speeches
23:57This is partly your fault, you know, Humphrey
24:01You've blocked Hacker time and again
24:03What?
24:04Only in the interests of good government, Arnold
24:08Oh, quite
24:09But what you really need now is for Hacker to have a big success in the next day or two
24:14A big success?
24:15Yes
24:15In the next day or two
24:18That would give me, give the PM, a very good case for keeping him where he is
24:25Then we might be able to move Corbett to, uh, employment
24:28Oh, why, is Fred definitely going?
24:31Yes, keeps falling asleep in Cabinage
24:33I thought they all did
24:36Yes, but not while they're actually talking
24:39Ah, Humphrey, any news?
24:54Of what, Minister?
24:55Well, the Cabinet reshuffle, of course
24:56Er, no
24:57But haven't you just had lunch with the Cabinet Secretary?
25:00Yes
25:00Well, what came up?
25:02Nothing as yet
25:03Now, all I know is that the reshuffle will be announced on Monday
25:08Have you any news?
25:11Of what?
25:12Well, the Commissionship, of course
25:13Are you going to Brussels?
25:14Oh!
25:15Well, speaking with my Parliamentary hat on, I don't think it'd be a very good idea
25:20On the other hand, with my Cabinet hat on, I think perhaps it would be a good idea
25:25There again, with my party hat on, I can see there could be arguments on both sides
25:30I see
25:31And which hat are you talking through at the moment?
25:34Well, I mean, have you made up your mind that you intend to go to Brussels?
25:38Well, yes
25:39And no
25:41What are the pros and cons, Minister?
25:44Well, I don't know
25:46You see
25:48It rather, I don't know whether I've said this before
25:51But it rather depends on whether I've done all right
25:55What do you think?
25:57You've done all right
25:58Well, if I've done all right, that's all right
26:01And I shall stay because I shall be all right
26:03But if I've only done all right
26:06Then I think to stay would be wrong, right?
26:09Minister, I've got a suggestion to make
26:11I think that to be on the safe side, you need a big success
26:13Well, yes
26:14A triumph, in fact
26:15Yes
26:15You need some great personal publicity
26:17For some great personal and political achievement
26:20Yes, yes, yes, what had you in mind?
26:22I don't know, I'm trying to think of something
26:23Thank you very much, that's a great help
26:25And what's the purpose of this hypothetical triumph, Humphrey?
26:28Well, something did come up at lunch
26:29Now, Sir Arnold feels that if you had this triumph
26:32The PM wouldn't be able to move you downwards
26:34And Bernard and I might have the good fortune
26:36Of having you stay on here with us
26:38Yes
26:39So there's no chance of my moving up?
26:42Oh
26:42Sadly, Minister, alas
26:46One must be a realist, you see
26:48Oh, well
26:48That's it, I suppose, then
26:51It's got to be Brussels
26:53Now, wait a minute
26:54I've got an idea
26:56Supposing you ignore the EEC
26:59And then publish your own plan for word processing machines
27:03With big, big orders for British manufacturers
27:06Starting immediately
27:09Tomorrow
27:10Well, certainly before Monday
27:11Involving more jobs
27:14More investment
27:15More export orders
27:17More votes
27:17Yes, more votes when the time comes
27:19Yeah, but we can't defy an EEC directive
27:22Well, it isn't a directive
27:23It hasn't been ratified by the convention
27:25It's merely a request
27:26But we can't stab our partners in the back
27:29And spit in their face
27:30You can't stab anyone in the back
27:31While you spit in their face
27:33On the other hand
27:36Defying Brussels would be
27:37Very popular
27:38And
27:39Big story
27:40No, it would prove I had elbows
27:41What?
27:44Elbows
27:44Elbows, elbows
27:45Yes, but
27:47But what, Minister?
27:48It would mean I'd have to give up
27:49You know, all that
27:50All the
27:51The trough
27:51Yes, that's probably right
27:54But when it comes down to it, Minister
27:55One's own country must come first
27:58How true
28:00And although
28:02Strictly this isn't a government matter, Minister
28:04I personally would be
28:06Deeply sorry to lose you
28:08Humphrey, is that true?
28:11Yes, I mean that, Minister
28:12Most sincerely
28:13That's awfully nice, Humphrey
28:14Yes, I suppose we have got rather fond of one another
28:17In a way
28:18In a way, yes
28:19Like a terrorist in his hostage
28:21Which one of you is a terrorist?
28:27Oh, he is
28:28Right, okay, Bernard
28:32That's the decision
28:33Inform the press, would you?
28:35Yes, yes
28:36Tell me, Humphrey
28:37Who would have got my position here
28:40If I had gone to Brussels?
28:42Oh, I don't
28:43No
28:44Didn't you tell me it was Basil Corbett?
28:48Basil Corbett
28:50I see
28:52Basil Corbett
28:54Yes
29:00That's what I see
29:01I see
29:02Thank you
29:03Thank you
29:05Thank you
29:07Thank you
Recommended
29:56
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