- 2 days ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00:00The Chris Gethard Show
00:00:30The Chris Gethard Show
00:01:00The Chris Gethard Show
00:01:30The Chris Gethard Show
00:01:59The Chris Gethard Show
00:02:29The Chris Gethard Show
00:02:31The Chris Gethard Show
00:02:33The Chris Gethard Show
00:02:35And to me that's what our show should be
00:02:37So I'm glad that we hit that stride once
00:02:40And hopefully over time we'll get even more consistent
00:02:42And figure out how to do that on a regular basis
00:02:44So episode five
00:02:46It's my favorite episode so far
00:02:48I think it will be yours as well
00:02:50So sit back and enjoy it
00:02:52And I hope that
00:02:53If you're watching this on a bus
00:02:55Or a train somewhere on your iPad
00:02:57That it's helping to make your commute less awful
00:03:00Hey what's up everybody
00:03:25Welcome to the Chris Gethard Show
00:03:26I'm your host Chris Gethard
00:03:27It's going to have you all here
00:03:29Every Wednesday we are here live
00:03:32Already plagued by massive technical difficulties
00:03:35But that's fine
00:03:36We are in the apocalypse
00:03:39I think I'll keep going
00:03:43Thank you everybody for coming out
00:03:44I want to thank our studio audience
00:03:45I want to thank everybody watching at MNN4
00:03:47I want to thank everybody watching at
00:03:49TheChrisGetheredShow.com
00:03:50On Ustream
00:03:50Please put it up on Facebook, Twitter
00:03:53Let people know that this is happening
00:03:54Let people know that they should call in
00:03:56Call and number will appear on your screen
00:03:57We'll explain our call in topic for the night
00:03:59A little bit later
00:04:00I want to thank everybody who's here tonight
00:04:02The LLC for playing us in
00:04:04The greatest band in the history of the world
00:04:06Shannon O'Neill is back
00:04:07She'll also be our special guest host next week
00:04:09My lovely assistant Bethany Hall is with us
00:04:12Joining us again as always
00:04:13Don Finnelli
00:04:14For the first time ever
00:04:15Wearing a hat and robe
00:04:16Michael Caine
00:04:17We've got random Jean
00:04:19Jean for those of you guys that don't know
00:04:20During our second show
00:04:21Jean just called up
00:04:22And said what is this show
00:04:24And why are you doing it
00:04:25And we said you should come on down to the set
00:04:27And check it out
00:04:28She said okay
00:04:29She came here
00:04:29I said anytime you want to come back
00:04:31Come back
00:04:31She's come back every single time since then
00:04:33Very happy to have random Jean
00:04:35As a part of the show
00:04:36She's completely random
00:04:37Jean also emailed me this week
00:04:39I did not answer the email Jean
00:04:40Because I want you to remain random
00:04:41I do not want to know you
00:04:42You are random
00:04:43Can I say Jean came to watch me do stand up on Friday
00:04:48Oh that's awesome
00:04:49Jean you're very supportive
00:04:50It's really supportive
00:04:51We got Bobby Moynihan
00:04:53Star of stage and screen
00:04:54Joining us for the first time ever
00:04:56Bobby thank you so much for being here
00:04:58How are you man
00:04:59I'm good I'm removing my mic
00:05:00There's like a guy just stole your microphone
00:05:02No security here
00:05:05Bobby our dad knows you from TV
00:05:06From SNL of course
00:05:08I want to thank you so much for being here
00:05:09Thanks for having me guys
00:05:11Wonderful
00:05:11And Bobby I want to introduce you to my friend and yours
00:05:13A man we know very little about
00:05:15The fish man
00:05:15Ladies not the fish man
00:05:16Show some respect
00:05:17That's the human fish
00:05:19He doesn't like it
00:05:21I apologize
00:05:22Human fish
00:05:23Human fish
00:05:25Human fish
00:05:28Human fish
00:05:30Human fish
00:05:31So mysterious
00:05:33Human fish
00:05:35So the human fish
00:05:37Bobby we don't know much about this guy
00:05:39Here's what we know
00:05:39He emerged from the sea very recently
00:05:41He's trying to figure out the world of men
00:05:43I know that
00:05:44He has genitals
00:05:44That's why he wears bathing suit
00:05:46We have no idea what those genitals are
00:05:47We don't know if he's even a he
00:05:49We have no idea
00:05:49The goggles
00:05:50The goggles
00:05:51He wears
00:05:52To protect his eyes from the air
00:05:54Straight up
00:05:54That's a he
00:05:55That's a he
00:05:56Much like we'd wear goggles
00:05:58To protect our eyes from water
00:06:00He has water filled goggles
00:06:01We also found out last week
00:06:04If you mention male genitalia
00:06:06If you say the word cock
00:06:07The human fish does that
00:06:09You don't know what that is
00:06:10You don't know why he knows that
00:06:12But what we also know
00:06:14Is the human fish
00:06:15Always has stuff on his mind
00:06:16He's always trying to struggle
00:06:18Figure out what's going on
00:06:19I was really psyched about the human fish
00:06:20Now I hate him
00:06:22But we should ask him right now
00:06:24So any point during the show
00:06:25Anybody can say
00:06:26Hey human fish
00:06:27What's on your mind
00:06:28Traffic cones versus cylinders
00:06:32Traffic cones versus cylinders
00:06:34So who wins that battle
00:06:36Human fish
00:06:36Traffic cones
00:06:37You like traffic cones better than cylinders
00:06:40Got people walking into shit
00:06:42You don't know
00:06:43Already this show's off to a great start
00:06:45We're back in the big studio
00:06:47We're really psyched
00:06:49Yeah people love cylinders
00:06:50Freaking out about the human fish
00:06:52Is the controversial answer
00:06:54Human fish
00:06:55What are you thinking right now?
00:06:57Tornadoes versus whirlwinds
00:06:59Tornadoes versus whirlwinds
00:07:00Very similar
00:07:01Human fish
00:07:02Who wins that battle?
00:07:04Whirlwinds
00:07:05Whirlwinds
00:07:06How many people in our studio
00:07:09thought Tornadoes had it?
00:07:11I did
00:07:11I definitely thought Tornadoes had it
00:07:14Because he's having a hard time
00:07:15Saying whirlwinds
00:07:16Whirlwinds
00:07:16He's having a real hard time
00:07:17But maybe he's just so excited
00:07:19Talking about it
00:07:19Medieval warrior
00:07:20He definitely knew
00:07:22Oh
00:07:22The medieval warrior proves
00:07:24Let's explain this
00:07:25So tonight
00:07:26Ladies and gentlemen
00:07:27We have a very special bunch of guests
00:07:29Known as the Whiffle Bat Gang
00:07:31Here's how this works
00:07:33Our producers Drew and Noah
00:07:35Are going to show a secret word
00:07:38A code word if you will
00:07:39Our studio audience will know
00:07:40The Whiffle Bat Gang will know
00:07:41The LLC will know
00:07:43You the viewer at home
00:07:43Will know what this word is
00:07:45Us on the panel
00:07:46We will not know what that word is
00:07:48If at any time one of us says that word
00:07:52I'm going to fuck you up
00:07:54The Whiffle Bat Gang will attack us
00:07:55Four men with Whiffle Bats
00:07:57Will attack whoever said that word
00:07:59The offender will have this area
00:08:00You can try to flee
00:08:01But only within this area
00:08:02Trying to flee our chairs
00:08:03Yeah you can try to get away from them
00:08:05Does the word change?
00:08:06The word changes after each word
00:08:08It is reset
00:08:09A new word is shown
00:08:10You're allowed to try to get away
00:08:11But you can't leave this lit area
00:08:13You're allowed to fight back
00:08:14But only if you can get a Whiffle Bat
00:08:16Away from a member of the Whiffle Bat Gang
00:08:18So you can't punch or kick them
00:08:20If you can get the Whiffle Bat
00:08:22You can fend them off
00:08:22Otherwise the Whiffle Bat Gang can go for broke
00:08:25Do you have to get that back
00:08:26For the rest of the time?
00:08:28Great question
00:08:28It depends on if they can wrestle it back
00:08:30So you have to give the weapon back
00:08:32No I think they can try to get it back
00:08:34But if you hold the weapon it's yours
00:08:36You become basically a de facto member of the Whiffle Bat Gang
00:08:40What happens
00:08:40And you did not know this
00:08:43This is a real thing
00:08:44You texted me today saying
00:08:45Are you cool with getting hit with a Whiffle Ball Bat?
00:08:47Yeah
00:08:48And I said of course
00:08:49But only if I can protect myself
00:08:51So I brought
00:08:53Weapons
00:08:54But now I feel like that's not one of the rules
00:08:57If you brought defensive weapons
00:08:58These people didn't know
00:08:59They didn't know they could bring weapons
00:09:00I brought weapons
00:09:01Well what did you bring?
00:09:02I think it's fair game
00:09:03I think if you're smart enough to bring defense mechanisms
00:09:05I think that's totally fine
00:09:06I brought two very
00:09:08Light-saving
00:09:10Light-saving
00:09:10So yeah
00:09:11Light-saving
00:09:11So yeah let's get those out
00:09:11Light-saving
00:09:13While you're having
00:09:14You look like
00:09:16Do you use a light-up light-saving
00:09:16I'll get the last one
00:09:17I also
00:09:18I also have
00:09:19A shield
00:09:20That shoots
00:09:21Oh a Captain America shield
00:09:23That shoots things
00:09:24That's not shoot things
00:09:24Towards the cameras
00:09:25Won't shoot anything
00:09:25Towards the camera
00:09:26I'm not
00:09:27Come on
00:09:28I'm not
00:09:28I'm not
00:09:29I'm not
00:09:30I'm not
00:09:31I'm not
00:09:32I'm not
00:09:32I'm not
00:09:33I'm not
00:09:34I'm not
00:09:35I'm not
00:09:36I'm not
00:09:37I'm not
00:09:38I'm not
00:09:39Michael King
00:09:40Michael King
00:09:40Michael King
00:09:41Feel free to just
00:09:42I figured your studio is so gigantic
00:09:44You could use a plane
00:09:45Might be able to fly away on that plane
00:09:47Yeah
00:09:47So that's the time
00:09:49We want callers
00:09:49Call in
00:09:50You can talk to us about
00:09:51Whatever you feel like talking about
00:09:52Anything that's on your mind
00:09:53In specific tonight
00:09:54We're going to play a cast-wide game
00:09:56I think people are familiar with the game
00:09:58Do Date or Die
00:09:59Also known as
00:10:00Fuck, Marry, Kill
00:10:01We're going to ask our callers
00:10:02Call up
00:10:02Let us know
00:10:03Who on this panel
00:10:04Would you fuck?
00:10:05Who would you marry?
00:10:06And why would you kill the rest of us?
00:10:08So be specific
00:10:09You have one specific reasons
00:10:11About why you want those people in your lives
00:10:13So callers
00:10:13Please do call in
00:10:15Yeah, yeah, yeah
00:10:17Why don't you give us a call?
00:10:19Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
00:10:21Yeah, yeah, yeah
00:10:23Why don't you give us a call?
00:10:24Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
00:10:27So callers
00:10:28Call up
00:10:28The number should be on your screen
00:10:29So many
00:10:30Write awesome theme songs
00:10:31Yeah, so Noah and Drew
00:10:32Let's go ahead
00:10:33Let's show our first word
00:10:34So everybody on this panel
00:10:35Let's shut our eyes
00:10:36No cheating
00:10:37Shut our eyes or close our eyes?
00:10:38Close your eyes
00:10:39Don't look up at the monitors
00:10:41Don't look at the word
00:10:42Look at how big this fucking plane is
00:10:44That's a good defense
00:10:47To the audience
00:10:50The band knows our word
00:10:52The Whiffleback gang knows our word
00:10:55And the viewers at home know the word
00:10:56Are we good?
00:10:57We're good
00:10:57Okay, let's open our eyes
00:10:58So there's a word out there
00:10:59Oh, man
00:11:00We don't know what it is
00:11:01So, yeah
00:11:02I don't know if we have any callers
00:11:05On the line yet
00:11:05Someone should be letting us know
00:11:06Anyone?
00:11:08Why didn't I just cheat?
00:11:09I don't want to get hit with a bat
00:11:10Yeah, I don't know
00:11:12I'm trepidatious to speak
00:11:13We do have a caller on the line
00:11:14Caller, welcome to the Chris Gethard Show
00:11:15What can we do for you tonight?
00:11:16No, no, no
00:11:38I love you
00:11:44Shit, ow
00:11:45Ow
00:11:46Ow
00:11:47Ow
00:11:48No, no
00:11:48Tyra, you're fucked
00:11:50It's done, this song's done
00:11:52That was horrible
00:11:56That was horrible
00:11:58Horrible
00:11:59The word can't be caller
00:12:02Hey, caller, you're on the line
00:12:05What's up?
00:12:06How are you?
00:12:07Hey, caller, you're on the line
00:12:08Turn down your TV, man
00:12:10Think to yourself, get beat up
00:12:12Hello?
00:12:12Yeah, caller, turn down your TV
00:12:13What's up?
00:12:14What can we talk to you about tonight?
00:12:15Jack
00:12:15What's your name?
00:12:18Where are you from?
00:12:18Let's talk
00:12:19Hello?
00:12:21It's not awkward, man
00:12:22It's just not real awkward in here
00:12:24It's not the awkward song
00:12:26It's not the awkward song
00:12:29Caller, are you there or not?
00:12:30You already got the awkward song
00:12:31You're very close to being hung up on
00:12:33Hello?
00:12:35Yeah, what do you want?
00:12:36Hang up on this guy
00:12:39Most awkward human being in his human history
00:12:42You almost had the chance to be the first caller of the night
00:12:44Did you mess it up?
00:12:45So I think we need our new secret word, right?
00:12:47Yep
00:12:47I pray it doesn't happen as quickly as last time
00:12:49Close your eyes
00:12:50What's up?
00:12:51Close your eyes
00:12:51Close our eyes, everybody
00:12:53I just thought the other
00:12:55You know, you said that you sat quietly
00:12:56And he's no authority over you
00:12:58But, you know, you sat quietly
00:12:59So, I want to do a little more rage
00:13:02I sat quietly
00:13:03You weren't here, sir
00:13:05You weren't here
00:13:06Ger Stevens is the enemy of the show
00:13:08I didn't bring him up
00:13:09Because my director, J.D. Amato
00:13:11One of the creative minds behind the show
00:13:12You're getting sort of angry now
00:13:13You always tell me
00:13:14Everybody's always
00:13:16It's like, you're too mean
00:13:17You get too angry
00:13:18And you come off mean
00:13:18So I'm not trying to get into it
00:13:19But yes, Ger Stevens was very mean to us
00:13:21The other thing I wanted to pitch
00:13:24Was a context
00:13:25So I guess you just do whatever you want
00:13:27And then move on
00:13:28You know, how this show
00:13:30You can choose me a thing
00:13:31I guess I've been able to do that
00:13:32In the rest of my life
00:13:33So I know
00:13:34I know Mr. Drew
00:13:36Outside the context of the show
00:13:38And in fact
00:13:39Drew and I have lunch together
00:13:41With some regularity
00:13:42And Drew recently
00:13:43Has been eating healthier lunches
00:13:45In an attempt to lose weight
00:13:46This sucks for me
00:13:47Because I feel guilty
00:13:48About eating something unhealthy
00:13:50So I propose
00:13:51I've got to hang out
00:13:53This guy's bringing out
00:13:55His nutritional plans
00:13:56I've got something I'd like to pitch
00:13:57Hang up on this
00:13:58This guy calls up
00:14:01I'm just kidding
00:14:02This guy calls up
00:14:03I want a divorce
00:14:04Yeah
00:14:04Random Dean
00:14:05You're better
00:14:06I don't know you at all
00:14:07But you're better than that guy
00:14:08You're better than that guy
00:14:10I don't like him at all
00:14:12How are you doing?
00:14:13Dude, what's your problem?
00:14:15Dude, what's your problem?
00:14:16Dude, what's your family?
00:14:16You got the right now?
00:14:17You got the right now?
00:14:18It's jerk face
00:14:19Jerk face
00:14:20That guy was a jerk face, man
00:14:21He was a jerk face
00:14:22Everybody on the panel
00:14:23We got to close our eyes again
00:14:25Please don't let me say the word again
00:14:26Guys, let's make it a hard one
00:14:28So it goes a little while
00:14:29Because the whole rhythm of the show
00:14:31Is thrown off, you know?
00:14:32Every ten seconds
00:14:33I'm getting beaten with bats
00:14:34Let's make it something hard
00:14:37And kind of random
00:14:38If we can
00:14:38But if not
00:14:40That's okay
00:14:41And let's also
00:14:43Keep me informed
00:14:43If we have calls on the line
00:14:44I have no idea
00:14:45We do?
00:14:46We have a caller on the line
00:14:47Yeah, can you hear me?
00:14:48Oh, wait
00:14:49Is this the guy who pretends to be Jack Klugman again?
00:14:52Yeah, it's Jack Klugman
00:14:53It's Jack Klugman
00:14:54It's Jack Klugman
00:14:58So what's up, guy who pretends you're Jack Klugman?
00:15:01Well, listen
00:15:01I love the studio audience
00:15:03I remember back in 1976
00:15:05We left the
00:15:07We got rid of the laugh track
00:15:10We did a live audience
00:15:12It was great
00:15:13And I think you guys are doing a great job
00:15:18I love that rapper
00:15:19That rapper was just here
00:15:21Those rappers
00:15:23I'm watching you guys
00:15:24That you stream
00:15:25Those rappers were the real deal
00:15:26They are
00:15:27It's just like old school
00:15:28You know, I don't know
00:15:30What the fuck you call it
00:15:31Jack Klugman
00:15:32Jack Klugman, can we talk?
00:15:34Can it be a conversation?
00:15:36Well, listen
00:15:37I think you're sure
00:15:38Well, thank you for calling
00:15:41Thanks for calling Jack Klugman
00:15:43Can Jack Klugman play
00:15:46He's not gonna
00:15:46Jack Klugman just calls
00:15:48And just talks
00:15:48And then hangs up the phone
00:15:50No fuck, marry, kill?
00:15:51Why don't we play
00:15:52Who here would like to explain?
00:15:54Michael Caine
00:15:54Maybe you'd like to tell us
00:15:55Who you'd like to fuck, marry, kill
00:15:56Oh
00:15:57Wow
00:15:57If I was gonna fuck somebody
00:16:00It would probably be the human fish
00:16:02Fuck the human fish
00:16:03Because I wanna find out some secrets
00:16:05You wanna see what his genitals are
00:16:07I wanna know what's up with that
00:16:08Okay
00:16:08If I was gonna marry someone
00:16:10God does not make
00:16:13GHD
00:16:14Okay, that was a good
00:16:15Good sign
00:16:16So, do we have a caller?
00:16:17Caller
00:16:18You're on the line
00:16:19What's up?
00:16:19Welcome to the Chris Gethard Show
00:16:20Hello?
00:16:23Hi, what's up?
00:16:24You're on the air
00:16:25Oh my god, it's me
00:16:27Oh, no way
00:16:30Is it Alyssa?
00:16:32Oh, wait, this is Alyssa?
00:16:34Who is this?
00:16:36Wait, hold on
00:16:37Who are you?
00:16:39Susan Casey
00:16:40Susan
00:16:41Oh, hey, so what's up?
00:16:43What did you want to talk about?
00:16:45Well, I got two questions
00:16:46Sure
00:16:47Shannon O'Neal
00:16:48Yeah
00:16:49We cool?
00:16:50Wait, who is this?
00:16:51Susan Casey
00:16:52Susan, you can't use a television show
00:16:54As your personal platform
00:16:55The show tonight
00:16:57Shannon
00:16:58I don't know
00:16:59Maybe we'll talk about it next week
00:17:01Oh
00:17:01There
00:17:02So what's your other question, Susan?
00:17:05Susan, what's your other question?
00:17:06My other question was
00:17:08Who's that kissing booth?
00:17:10Oh, kissing booth
00:17:10Why don't you stand up?
00:17:12Kissing booth just came to our audience
00:17:14Yeah
00:17:14Hello
00:17:14All right, that's our kissing booth
00:17:17Susan, can you come down here and kiss him?
00:17:20No, no thanks
00:17:21Okay
00:17:21All right
00:17:22Have a great night, Susan
00:17:25Okay
00:17:25If you were cool, I hope you're not cool now
00:17:28I like Susan
00:17:30So do we want to set up another word or what?
00:17:32Let's go ahead, let's set up our next word
00:17:34I thought we had the same
00:17:35We don't have a word?
00:17:35We don't have a word, do we?
00:17:36No, we don't have a word
00:17:37We have a word
00:17:38Oh, good, good, good, good, never mind
00:17:39We don't need more words, man
00:17:40I'm the only one who's been hit so far
00:17:42It was the worst idea for a bit
00:17:44Wiffleback Gang was the worst idea
00:17:46It's such a level of physical pain
00:17:48It's horrible
00:17:49You would think Murph is the leader of the Wifflebang
00:17:51Yeah
00:17:52What?
00:17:52Wiffleback Gang?
00:17:55I think George is the leader
00:17:56Yeah, of course we have Murph, George, Sean, and Jesse
00:17:59I don't know
00:18:00This one, this one hurts
00:18:02That little club you have is the worst thing
00:18:04I bought it
00:18:05I think every one of you is the leader of the Wifflebang
00:18:08I'm going to call you the Wifflebang
00:18:10Do we have a call?
00:18:13Call her, you're on the air, what's up?
00:18:15Hello
00:18:15Yeah, what's up, you're on the air
00:18:16Hello
00:18:18Yeah, you've got to turn down your TV
00:18:20Hello
00:18:21You're so close to getting the awkward song
00:18:23You got the awkward song
00:18:24Okay, that was the awkward song
00:18:32That gave you time to turn down your TV
00:18:34What's up?
00:18:35Yeah, this is Speedy from Rock Steady
00:18:37Speedy from Rock Steady Crew
00:18:39What's going on?
00:18:40Speedy from Rock Steady
00:18:41You have to turn down your TV right now
00:18:44Or I have to hang up
00:18:44Yeah, what's up, what's poppin'
00:18:45I like the guy that was on stage performant
00:18:48Yeah, he was great
00:18:50Yeah, he was great
00:18:55Yeah, he was great, man
00:18:56Yeah
00:18:56Hey, thanks Speedy
00:18:58Thanks a lot
00:18:59Thanks for leaving your comment on air
00:19:02Yeah, you should have more artists up there performant
00:19:06You should have some other people
00:19:07Some other groups up there
00:19:09Sounds good, Speedy
00:19:10We're going to do that in like five minutes, man
00:19:11Who would you
00:19:13Are you Rock Steady, a group that wants to perform?
00:19:15Are you Rock Steady like Rock Steady from the Bronx?
00:19:18Or like
00:19:18Yeah
00:19:19Yeah, yeah, you got it
00:19:23You should come down and perform some time
00:19:25Yeah, break faster
00:19:26And you should also
00:19:27What you should do is
00:19:28You should turn down your TV, Speedy
00:19:30Because we can hear it in the background
00:19:31All right, I'm going to say goodnight, Speedy
00:19:35Thank you for the call
00:19:36I'm going to turn it down
00:19:37I'm going to turn it down
00:19:38What?
00:19:39No, no
00:19:40I don't like it
00:19:43Spread out so they can see it at least
00:19:46You don't even see it
00:19:48It is so unpleasant
00:19:57I hate the Whipple
00:19:59I hate the Whipple back then
00:20:01They don't even think about the stage picture
00:20:04They love it too
00:20:04They're so happy about it
00:20:05They're so bad
00:20:06George took that little bat
00:20:07And just pounded it
00:20:08My collarbone with it
00:20:10Really vindictive
00:20:11Anyway, caller, you are on the line
00:20:13What's up?
00:20:14Welcome to the show
00:20:15Hi
00:20:16Who's this?
00:20:17It's Ruby
00:20:18Ruby
00:20:18Ruby, our old friend Ruby from the UCB Theater
00:20:21How you doing?
00:20:21Hi, Ruby
00:20:22Yeah, it's me, hi
00:20:23So Ruby, how old are you?
00:20:25We should let our audience know
00:20:26Yeah, I'm here with my mom
00:20:28Hi, Shannon
00:20:29Hi, Ruby
00:20:30How old are you?
00:20:31We want the audience to know
00:20:32Yeah, let our audience know how old you are
00:20:34Oh, yeah, I'm turning 11 August 30th
00:20:37Turning 11, congratulations
00:20:39So Ruby, I don't know
00:20:42Did you have something you wanted to talk about
00:20:44Or did you want to play our game tonight
00:20:45Which is do date or die?
00:20:47Well, I mean
00:20:48The way you described it
00:20:50It's a little bit inappropriate for me
00:20:52So
00:20:52Your mom is a good mom
00:20:54That's an inappropriate game
00:20:55Time to go with a question
00:20:56We were wondering
00:20:58What's your biggest, like, fear?
00:21:00Biggest fear
00:21:01Let's do it real quick
00:21:02Okay, let's start with
00:21:03Random Gene
00:21:03Your biggest fear
00:21:04Um, not being able to get a job
00:21:06Not being able to get a job
00:21:07Don Finnelli
00:21:08Simple drowning
00:21:09Drowning
00:21:09Okay
00:21:10I have a fear that I will
00:21:13Jump off of high places
00:21:14Okay, jump off of high places
00:21:17The zoo
00:21:18The zoo
00:21:20The zoo is the biggest fear
00:21:21The image is
00:21:21Mine would be
00:21:23Um, I have a severe anxiety
00:21:25About the knowledge
00:21:26That my parents will probably die before me
00:21:27And I'll have to witness it
00:21:28And deal with it
00:21:29Bobby, go
00:21:30I'm gonna say the whipple bang
00:21:33The whipple bang
00:21:34The whipple bang is Bobby's
00:21:36I don't like garages
00:21:37Garages
00:21:38Um, involuntary manslaughter
00:21:41Involuntary manslaughter
00:21:42Not murder
00:21:43No, me accidentally killing someone
00:21:44Oh, oh, oh
00:21:45Okay
00:21:45Killing someone
00:21:46I love Shannon
00:21:47You're such a badass
00:21:48Shannon O'Neal is the biggest badass in the world
00:21:50What's your biggest fear?
00:21:52If you came up to me and said
00:21:52Yo, one of our friends killed somebody
00:21:53I'd be like
00:21:54Shannon
00:21:54What's your fear?
00:21:57Garages
00:21:57What's your fear?
00:21:58I might fucking kill someone
00:21:59I'm going to kill someone
00:22:01By accident
00:22:02Ruby, sorry I just said the F word
00:22:05Ruby
00:22:07Any other questions tonight, Ruby?
00:22:11That's okay
00:22:13Ruby, thank you so much for the call
00:22:18Call any time, okay?
00:22:20Have a good night, Ruby
00:22:21Wait, what's the deal
00:22:22Me and my mom were wondering
00:22:24What's the deal with Daryl Strawberry?
00:22:26Because, you know, you're sure
00:22:28Oh, I feel like you're trying to bait me
00:22:30To get beat by a bat, Ruby
00:22:32Daryl Strawberry is a baseball player
00:22:35He played for the Mets and the Yankees
00:22:36And the Dodgers
00:22:37The Giants
00:22:38Anybody else want to contribute?
00:22:39He was a real mum tonight
00:22:42You had a show about him
00:22:43I had a show about him
00:22:44He had some drug problems
00:22:47Anybody want to name some drugs?
00:22:51Cocaine
00:22:51Heroin
00:22:52How come no one else can get the word except me?
00:22:56I don't know
00:22:56The only one who gets beat by the bat
00:22:58I have no idea
00:23:00None of us do
00:23:00All right, Ruby
00:23:01So that's Daryl Strawberry in a nutshell
00:23:03Thank you so much for the call
00:23:04I think we have another caller on the line
00:23:06Caller
00:23:07Caller, what's up?
00:23:08He did
00:23:09Yeah, he got scared
00:23:10Oh, hello
00:23:11Hey, caller, you're on the air
00:23:12Welcome to the Chris Kither Show
00:23:13Oh, uh
00:23:14The words
00:23:15Chris, you fat
00:23:16Nigger, nigger, nigger
00:23:17Small man
00:23:18Nigger, nigger
00:23:18You're just the worst
00:23:20You're the worst
00:23:21You're the worst
00:23:21C pathetic
00:23:22Go, guy, justice
00:23:28The Whiffleback gang just beat you, you racist weirdo
00:23:36So ladies and gentlemen
00:23:38We're very pleased to welcome once again to the stage
00:23:40Our friends
00:23:41Come on, you're going to get us in a lot of trouble
00:23:43I didn't shoot the camera
00:23:44I'm a grown man
00:23:45You're yelling at me, the last guy said the n-word
00:23:47well we gotta move on ladies and gentlemen once again go to www.slangcorp.com check out our next
00:23:56next guest some of the best rappers you will come across including this guy ladies and gentlemen
00:24:01i'm very pleased to welcome the one the only mr gdp the best looking i'm the best looking
00:24:10the prince getter's show the best looking i don't know if i'm the best rapper but i'm the best looking
00:24:19rapper you understand true funky style it's all a dream broke up to a mound of ketamine
00:24:29one of my faces like the crowd's enemy
00:24:32i make songs forever either side i pass myself in the world outside house she get high to make ends
00:24:54for what they said haven't been today yet that's the talking that do it just up like a marketing
00:24:59scheme that was boosting that sales you steal my album i ain't scary check up with me in chain
00:25:04stores useless either we used to do it like this and we still do turn it up
00:25:09we used to do it like this and we wet all this
00:25:13we used to do it like this and we still do i call you at your man's way ask you how to be
00:25:21we used to do it like this and we still do when it's in your head still put a fuck with my
00:25:25i should die dude you're real inclusive put up your new shit two dips free to hold new music
00:25:30where i smoke out think the shit i wrote down to kick a funky bird from the east coast of stokal
00:25:35only now it's like crowds the enemy pdp is a well oil sex machine
00:25:40bro the dykes on his life like it's like my whip fans can feel so like
00:25:44like it's like god you judge me only pop you touch me only mom you love a slob so ugly
00:25:50get the money lead the country speak slang and teach it to children like fuzzy
00:25:55sip pop when i want this muggy the clothes like muggy and smell like mummy
00:26:00aren't you something in the water get it treat the beef like balls have them get it
00:26:05like andy pettit just my sentiments kiss gretthard chris hold up kiss gretthard
00:26:10gret heatherd chris hefford show 2011 shit
00:26:17ladies and gentlemen
00:26:19if you're calling in i'm some racist
00:26:21yo 11 p.m on amphetamines
00:26:25gdp is black course
00:26:29my brethren
00:26:29if you're watching if you're on the internet
00:26:32yo go to ujiz.com
00:26:36no plugs
00:26:39nailed it gdp nailed it man
00:26:44set it up made us all wonder what it was going to be
00:26:47then knocked it the fuck down man
00:26:49ujiz.com
00:26:51i've never been to that one personally
00:26:52wonderful slangcorp.com
00:26:56ladies and gentlemen
00:26:57it sounds like a racist ruined our last word
00:27:00so we're going to set up another word for the wiffleback gang
00:27:02that was the secret word
00:27:03it was chris
00:27:04no no no it was chris right
00:27:06it sounded like it was chris is what he said
00:27:08one of them was chris
00:27:09there's still one that's up in the air
00:27:11okay we've got one in the air
00:27:12we're going to set up another one
00:27:12everybody eyes down
00:27:13it's so bad getting hit by wiffle bats
00:27:16it really does hurt
00:27:18you haven't even been hit by one
00:27:19i got i got a
00:27:20i got a graze in the knee
00:27:22they're not hitting your knees either
00:27:24so let us know boys when it's time
00:27:27callers please call up
00:27:28bait us into saying this word
00:27:30please call and figure out a way to get us to say this word
00:27:33we can share and all
00:27:34okay we can open our eyes
00:27:35take callers in case
00:27:36i know so caller we have a caller
00:27:38you are on the line
00:27:39welcome to the chris gether show
00:27:40hello
00:27:42yeah what's up who's this
00:27:43hey chris it's greg
00:27:45hey my brother's on the line
00:27:46what's up
00:27:46how's it going man
00:27:49great
00:27:50hey everyone
00:27:51what's up man
00:27:52it's good to see you
00:27:53my uh
00:27:55chris two things i want to uh to say
00:27:57is first
00:27:58i have in my hand
00:27:59opened up some mail
00:28:01that came for you today
00:28:02okay
00:28:02mom still
00:28:03ma you have mail that came to our parents house
00:28:06yeah it's for you
00:28:07um
00:28:08it's for a wells fargo platinum debit card
00:28:11um
00:28:12it's in your name
00:28:13okay
00:28:14i just need a pin number and your social security
00:28:16and i'll go and sign it up for you right now
00:28:21i'm going to ask you to cut that in half if you don't mind
00:28:23okay
00:28:23i will do that
00:28:25what else is on your mind
00:28:26the other thing is i want to do the uh
00:28:29ask mary king
00:28:30okay and i like that you're too polite to say the word fuck
00:28:32that's very nice
00:28:33yeah i don't have a pie mouth like you pieces of garbage do
00:28:36yes
00:28:37so who would you f who would you marry who would you kill
00:28:40well i don't have a marry or kill
00:28:42but i would totally f bethany
00:28:44wow
00:28:45bethany my brother would have sex with you
00:28:49how does that make you feel
00:28:50he would
00:28:50fuck you
00:28:51he won't say it
00:28:52he won't say it but that's what he would do
00:28:54he would
00:28:55would it be
00:28:55would it be love making
00:28:56would it be love
00:28:57greg would it be love making or would it be like sex
00:28:59i would be like raw dog
00:29:01this isn't love marry kill
00:29:05i was gonna say i've only met greg a couple times but i feel like i feel like he knows what he's doing
00:29:10i bet
00:29:10he put a glory hole in your the trunk of your car
00:29:12let's never explain that but it is true my brother did install the glory hole in the trunk of my car
00:29:18i would totally do it raw dog port authority style
00:29:23you'll say raw dog port authority style and not fun
00:29:28yeah
00:29:28here's what i think
00:29:29i think he would raw dog you and then he would uh wipe his dick on your neck
00:29:34shannon
00:29:35wildly inappropriate and unasked for
00:29:39well that's what i think
00:29:41from having a greg death that i think that he raw dogs and then wipes his dick off on girls necks
00:29:46hey ruby are you enjoying the show
00:29:47greg thanks for the call man i'll talk to you soon
00:29:52all right so caller you're on the line we have another caller welcome to the christian show how can we help you
00:29:58how you doing chris it's regis philip
00:30:00oh my god it's regis
00:30:05i don't think it's
00:30:07what are you doing out of your grave
00:30:09well you know chris and i were big big leg fans
00:30:12we absolutely love don finelli
00:30:14um curious uh let's see um
00:30:16who are you having a uh a war a battle with from the other show
00:30:20oh even regis
00:30:24all right
00:30:25does anybody want to see who we're having a war with
00:30:27having a war with
00:30:28oh my gosh
00:30:30oh my gosh
00:30:32oh my gosh
00:30:34oh it hurts so fast
00:30:36oh my gosh
00:30:37oh
00:30:38don finelli thank you for taking it like a man
00:30:47oh don has a bat
00:30:49don has a bat
00:30:50don has a bat
00:30:52okay don next time you can get him back
00:30:55thank you for doing that don
00:30:56don you're a good friend that's why i love you like a brother
00:30:59ever since the day i met you i knew you had my back
00:31:01oh it hurts so bad
00:31:02regis thank you for baiting us into that
00:31:04can i just show something
00:31:05sure
00:31:05uh but the weird miami king has a sawed off back
00:31:09oh my god
00:31:10crazy
00:31:12crazy
00:31:13weird miami king
00:31:14don that's horrible right
00:31:15you can now bash for it
00:31:17it's good
00:31:17okay
00:31:18everybody
00:31:19can i say i don't like this game
00:31:22i don't like it either and i wish we never did it
00:31:24i thought of it
00:31:25and i feel like you texted everyone else and said are you okay with this
00:31:28and you never asked me
00:31:30i forgot
00:31:30they look great
00:31:31it looks it's cool visually but what a bad idea
00:31:34that being said we're gonna set up our next word
00:31:36let's go ahead everyone
00:31:37hello viewers of episode 5
00:31:39um right now the reason i'm here is i'm covering up for the fact that we had to swap tapes while recording the show
00:31:44um there's about 30 seconds of the show that were lost in the recording because we had to switch one tape out and put another tape in to record it
00:31:51there wasn't much we could do
00:31:52uh but we think we think we have figured out how to do this without losing any more portions of the show from this point forward so
00:31:59um ideally this won't be
00:32:02this will be the last time in the podcast i'll be popping up again but if i do
00:32:05um it is a reflection of our
00:32:08technical um inabilities
00:32:11so
00:32:13take that for what it's worth anyway get back to the show enjoy it we'll see you later
00:32:16hope you're enjoying the show so far
00:32:18it gets even better from here so check it out
00:32:20shannon congratulations on getting a bat i this is clearly also showing that i am such a pussy three times i couldn't get a bat
00:32:47you gotta get off guys he's got one on your face what was the what was the word
00:32:51yes yes yes oh it's yeah you sadistic mother to mother
00:32:55i think we have another caller caller you're on the line welcome to the chris kethert show
00:32:59caller you are on the line what's up how can we help you
00:33:03i have a question for the human fish
00:33:05human fish sure you can ask the human fish
00:33:07so what that means is a glory wall is a hole in a wall in a public restroom
00:33:11men go and meet there and insert their genitalia through the hole and then pleasure each other
00:33:15so it was saying that my brother was saying he would take bethany to a public restroom
00:33:19put his penis through a hole and allow bethany to service him
00:33:22i'm so flattered
00:33:23it's like a euphemism for really filthy disgusting sex
00:33:27disgusting just horrible disgusting
00:33:29and then he would clean it on her neck
00:33:30clean it on her neck
00:33:31sideways or up
00:33:33hey
00:33:34i'm going back a little bit but does that dude ben call all the time
00:33:40no i don't know
00:33:40does ben feel bad about being the worst caller after a guy that screamed the n-word once
00:33:45you contributed less to the all you did you like called us out and you're like
00:33:49yeah maybe it's the phone
00:33:50yeah it's the phone
00:33:52brought nothing to the table
00:33:53caller that being said caller now you're online we have a new caller caller what's up
00:33:57how are you doing charles
00:33:59how are you sir
00:34:00how are you doing
00:34:01i'm good what's on your mind
00:34:03well i just want to know uh are you chris keffin
00:34:05i am chris keffin yeah
00:34:07that's me
00:34:09you gotta turn down your tv
00:34:11no he doesn't i love this guy
00:34:13my tv
00:34:17turn it down
00:34:19because you're listening
00:34:20you gotta listen on the phone
00:34:21okay
00:34:22what about now
00:34:23yeah you're great
00:34:24now what's on your mind
00:34:25let's talk
00:34:25i'm chris
00:34:26i just wanted to say
00:34:27i was watching your show man
00:34:29how do you like it
00:34:30and i like it
00:34:32it's like a pretty sound
00:34:33and in fact
00:34:34i think there's a fish man over there
00:34:36yeah the human fish
00:34:37yeah
00:34:37i think he's somebody that's in my club
00:34:40yeah i think we're in that club
00:34:41you know
00:34:42i know
00:34:44i know
00:34:44that
00:34:45he looks familiar
00:34:46yeah man
00:34:47you and me are right on the same wavelength bro
00:34:49there's a guy like this in your class but you're not sure
00:34:52he didn't have no hair when i saw him in class
00:34:56well he's grown a lot of hair since you took a class with the human fish
00:34:59i mean can you do you really grow your hair that fast
00:35:02your face grows
00:35:04but don't you think
00:35:09don't you think it's a little bit confusing
00:35:13you are quite confused
00:35:16did you say your name was charles
00:35:18you know i'm not going swimming now
00:35:22no
00:35:22what's chris
00:35:25yeah what's up charles
00:35:27you know you got a wild show man
00:35:29i like your gift
00:35:30who would you
00:35:31yeah let me ask you about the rappers though man
00:35:34any of them been signed yet
00:35:35they all work off of slangcorp.com and they put out records on a number of different labels
00:35:40you can go to slangcorp.com get the info on all that
00:35:42you can also download a lot of stuff for free
00:35:44oh yeah you can just keep it happening man
00:35:47this is a good show
00:35:48hey charles who up here would you fuck who would you marry who would you kill
00:35:51i'm sorry
00:35:52out of the people on the show tonight who would you fuck who would you marry who would you kill
00:35:56you mean which one i want
00:35:58yeah which one of us
00:36:00let's see
00:36:01well the last one was pretty good
00:36:03i like it when the white guy was fuck was dancing
00:36:05you want to fuck the guy or the white guy to dance yeah
00:36:08no yeah man because like you know he had like a lot of great moves there
00:36:12okay so yeah great
00:36:14you know kind of tight
00:36:16yeah very tight
00:36:17but anyway anyway listen listen i just like the show man
00:36:20and i hope you keep it up man
00:36:21thanks charles we like you to call anytime
00:36:24charles thank you for the call great call
00:36:26all right ladies and gentlemen we want to welcome them back once again
00:36:34www.slangcorp.com
00:36:35whole bunch of them out there i think pistols leading the charge on this song
00:36:38let's give it up for slang corp let's give it up for pistol
00:36:41thank you perez
00:36:44thank you for having us
00:36:45slangcorp.com i'm pistol t
00:36:48gdp
00:36:50shah shape
00:36:52zagness rocky reason
00:36:53who dropped the album people act like britney dropped his son who walking in to pop him always drunk and dropped his gun the bagot ass bums that jumped shy should have shot the one the cops are coming kidnap hops and then stop the fun i smoked a dip with k rock and made me late for work who's getting paid with perks but still gotta pay for perks my name is pistol p who the hell are you kid gregory school click orange juice
00:37:10crew that new shit
00:37:27get down
00:37:28get down
00:37:29yeah
00:37:30the raddest raddest kid ever
00:37:31larry hobson
00:37:32oh my god
00:37:33oh my god
00:37:35oh my god
00:37:36the raddest kid ever
00:37:37yo
00:37:38yo
00:37:39you think i give a fuck
00:37:40yo
00:37:41you think i give a fuck with selling records
00:37:42nope
00:37:43handing me your demo like giving sandy chris yes or them singing songs for anthems
00:37:48ask about it
00:37:49im teasing suspect is a dick so they clean their mouths with a
00:37:53alright now rinse
00:37:55hold your tongue
00:37:56in a holding cell rolling a blunt
00:37:58show me my lungs
00:37:59who be unholy as none as tetanus
00:38:01shoot a junk
00:38:03and go to slangcorp.com
00:38:05beat the fuck all ten of us
00:38:07oh my god
00:38:08the raddest raddest kid ever
00:38:10oh my god
00:38:11the raddest loud
00:38:13let's drive it on
00:38:14oh my god
00:38:15new shit
00:38:16the raddest record label ever
00:38:17slangcorp
00:38:18slangcorp
00:38:20and we're gonna keep it moving with one more
00:38:24yo
00:38:25it happens to be that me and chris
00:38:26and pete
00:38:27and shape
00:38:28we come from a similar area
00:38:30we come from the same town
00:38:31and shit
00:38:32west orange
00:38:33west orange
00:38:34wet orange
00:38:35wet orange
00:38:36when i say west orange y'all say
00:38:38oh
00:38:40oh
00:38:41oh
00:38:42you want my wet orange delegate
00:38:43yeah
00:38:44elephant flip front row and yelling shit
00:38:46you're not rocking with the gods of the metropolis
00:38:48that's ill-a-death half-life where the Bronx promised
00:38:51like shit
00:38:52yeah
00:38:53prepareable to nowhere with the bounty on that sixth county
00:38:55don't go there
00:38:56pump and hayes been a delegate anyway
00:38:58they be like chris how often do you smoke weed everyday
00:39:01the lady would get bombed
00:39:03buffed and bombed again
00:39:04before the paint could even dry up
00:39:05like where you from
00:39:06New Jersey
00:39:07where the air is like mud
00:39:08you couldn't think of a nicer place to get mugged
00:39:11rough
00:39:12but see something in the water and what's orange
00:39:14or freeze on your avant-garde kids looking to start shit
00:39:16in parks where you spit arson and sparks lips
00:39:19that's this county
00:39:20that's this county
00:39:21that's america's armpit
00:39:22that's this county
00:39:23america's armpit
00:39:24west orange New Jersey
00:39:25that's america's armpit
00:39:26all of northern New Jersey
00:39:27that's america's armpit
00:39:28that's in new york city and beat
00:39:29to caucus
00:39:30yeah
00:39:31uh
00:39:32lampin on bluefield
00:39:33david in the lawn chair
00:39:34Montclair McAlan
00:39:35rapping with long hands
00:39:36sacleberry magnum
00:39:38knock down drag em out
00:39:39why you wanna give me something else to drag em
00:39:41why you wanna give me something else to drag em
00:39:43to
00:39:53SUNyan
00:41:03I thought it was a real fun one.
00:41:04That was the one we walked away from.
00:41:05We were like, yeah, man, okay, we're getting somewhere.
00:41:07We're getting somewhere.
00:41:08So please, if you like the show, check out the other episodes of the podcast.
00:41:13Tell your friends to sign up for this podcast through any whatever social media you utilize.
00:41:17Please help spread the word.
00:41:19You mean a lot to us.
00:41:20And go to www.thecrisgetherickshow.com.
00:41:23If you want to know about our future shows, you want to watch our shows live as they happen,
00:41:27that's the place to go.
00:41:28Any information you need, you should be able to find through that show and let us know what you think about things.
00:41:32What we can do in the show, call in, send us ideas.
00:41:35It's your show as much as it's our show.
00:41:37So please do keep checking it out.
00:41:39I hope things are good with you, whoever you are watching this.
00:41:43What?
00:41:43That's not that awkward.
00:41:44That's not that awkward in a day.
Recommended
18:56
|
Up next
1:40:19
3:58
1:50:16
19:42
17:43
1:59:34
10:02
19:42
9:46
10:35
10:28
10:10
1:03:38
5:02
41:48
42:15
42:12
59:05
1:00:10
59:41