00:00Cutting off a narcissist is quite a task, but this video is a must-watch first.
00:04Making a mistake might quite possibly lead to the end of your peace of mind, privacy, and even safety.
00:10So here are 10 important errors in how to get around them which will enable you to smartly and safely leave.
00:16I am thrilled to have you with me.
00:17Should you decide to cut off a narcissist or have already done so, then this video is a guardian angel for you.
00:23I'll assist you through the 10.
00:25Critical errors that make the act of escaping harsh and what to do instead.
00:28Make notes and don't forget to tell a friend about this.
00:32Error 1. Making your exit public.
00:34Informing a narcissist of your intention to leave might make them react violently, stalk you, or shower you with love bombing.
00:41They are addicted to having control over you.
00:44When you give them a heads up, they will probably destroy your job, finances, or kids' schedules.
00:49Instead, make your plans in a whisper.
00:51Tell as few people as possible and leave only when your security and the organization are in place.
00:56Go over your exit phrases with a confidant.
00:59There is no need for a debate.
01:01If you need to, leave some belongings behind.
01:04Just make sure safety comes first.
01:06Error 2. Risk is being underestimated.
01:08Control slipping is often the time when abuse tends to go up.
01:11Don't think they would never.
01:13Develop a safety plan.
01:14Pack documents.
01:16Meds, sparkies, and a go bag.
01:18Memorize key numbers.
01:20Have a safe place to go.
01:21Choose code words with friends.
01:23Know the fastest exits from home and work.
01:25If you feel in danger, contact local law enforcement or the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
01:31Error 3.
01:32The Hoover is being misunderstood.
01:34Once you set your limits, be prepared for apologies, tears, gifts, and a sudden change.
01:39This isn't growth.
01:41It's a tactic to pull you back.
01:42Write down the reasons you're leaving and keep that list nearby.
01:46Share it with a trusted friend or therapist who can remind you when doubts hit.
01:50Look for sustained, humble action over months.
01:52Not promises, pressure, or deadlines.
01:54Mistake 4.
01:56Leaving without a paper trail.
01:57When the situation becomes complicated, receipts are very important.
02:02Save copies of all important documents like IDs, leases, pay stubs, bank statements, and the records of texts, emails, and threats.
02:10Use a secure place that only you can access to keep the screenshots.
02:13Create a new email account and send the files to that account which only you have access to.
02:18If there are children involved, keep the record of schedules, pickups, and any violations.
02:24Calm dated records would assist you with courts, advocates, and your own clarity.
02:28Mistake 5.
02:29Ignoring tech safety.
02:31Shared clouds, locations, and smart devices can reveal your exact whereabouts.
02:36Update passwords, add two-factor authentication, log out of shared accounts, and check app permissions on phones, tablets, cars, and home devices before leaving.
02:46If you don't need location sharing, turn it off.
02:49You might want to consider getting a new email and a low-cost phone number for your essential contacts.
02:55Be careful with your public posts and make sure to check your photos for location data.
03:00Mistake 6.
03:01Money moves they can see.
03:02If there's a sudden withdrawal, a large purchase, or opening of a new credit line, it might alert them.
03:08If it's safe and legal, open a separate bank account, redirect your salary, and set aside small and regular amounts.
03:15Consider freezing your credit and monitoring joint accounts and shared bills.
03:20Talk to a financial counselor or advocate for help planning a clean break.
03:24Don't sign new contracts with them.
03:26Always read everything before you sign.
03:29Mistake 7.
03:30Arguing or oversharing.
03:31Long explanations provide them with power.
03:34Try to keep communication short, neutral, and necessary, especially in writing.
03:39You do not have to justify your choices.
03:42Respond with one line or no response at all when possible.
03:45I'll communicate through email.
03:47Please use the parenting app.
03:50I'm not available for this conversation.
03:52Make a copy of everything.
03:53Do not send anything that you would not want a judge to read.
03:57Mistake 8.
03:58Making kids or friends the messengers.
04:00Triangulation.
04:01Fuels drama and hurts relationships.
04:04Don't use children to pass messages.
04:06Keep kids out of adult conflicts and reassure them it's not their fault.
04:10Use a parenting app, mediator, or attorney when needed.
04:13With friends, share on a need-to-know basis and ask them not to relay your plans.
04:19Tight boundaries reduce chaos.
04:21Mistake 9.
04:22Going it alone.
04:23Isolation helps abusers.
04:25Build a team.
04:26A therapist.
04:27An advocate.
04:28One or two trusted friends.
04:30Maybe a lawyer or legal clinic.
04:32Tell them what you need.
04:33Rides.
04:34Child care.
04:35A safe couch.
04:36Or someone to check in.
04:38If work has an employee assistance program, use it.
04:42Local shelters and community centers often have free or low-cost support.
04:46Accept help.
04:48You deserve support.
04:49Mistake 10.
04:50Expecting instant peace.
04:52Freedom is real, but healing can be messy.
04:54You may feel grief, anger, shame, confusion, or the urge to go back.
04:59That's normal.
05:00Plan your aftercare.
05:02Therapy, support groups, sleep, steady meals, movement, nature, and moments of joy.
05:08Block them everywhere you can and mute triggers.
05:11Expect post-separation tactics like smears or false charm.
05:15Hold your boundaries and give your nervous system time.
05:18You are not overreacting.
05:20You are not the problem.
05:21You are taking your power back, one careful step at a time.
05:25Keep going.
05:26If this helped, please like, subscribe, and share it with someone who might need it.
05:31Drop stronger in the comments so I know you're here, and tell me which mistake surprised you most.
05:36You are not the problem.
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