- 7 weeks ago
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TVTranscript
00:01Everyone is slipping backwards.
00:09I drank the water and I felt alright.
00:13I took a pill almost every night.
00:17In my mind I was waiting for change.
00:21While the world just stayed the same.
00:24It's a big day.
00:26Oh, oh.
00:30Beat for the gods of sobriety.
00:40They sound like some boring gods.
00:42The drunk ones are probably way more fine.
00:44When do we have drunk gods anymore?
00:46They probably all turned 30 so they're in AA or denial.
00:49Or both. Like you.
00:51Honestly, I don't know if I want to stop drinking forever.
00:55I also don't know if you're allowed to sort of be an alcoholic.
00:59Yeah, no, we get to judge those people.
01:01But if you don't forgive an alcoholic, then you're the ****.
01:04I don't forgive my dad.
01:06He's dead and I still don't forgive him.
01:08And honestly, I don't know if I forgive myself.
01:11Baby, if you start to cry and piss off that makeup that you made me put on your ugly man face, get us together, bitch.
01:21Crying.
01:22I'm not, okay?
01:23I just...
01:24I really want a **** drink.
01:26Should we be bad?
01:28I mean, bad girls do it well.
01:30Oh, no!
01:31Oh!
01:32That was a trap!
01:33Oh!
01:34Don't enable me.
01:35In my own house, you're offering me alcohol?
01:37I didn't offer you...
01:38Do you have any?
01:40I don't know.
01:41No!
01:42No!
01:43This is a trap house full of traps!
01:45They're all over!
01:46Okay.
01:47Don't!
01:48Okay, okay, we're not gonna drink.
01:49No.
01:50I used to think that if I stopped drinking, I would be unstoppable.
01:55Turns out I'm as big of a mess as ever.
01:57But now you're a mess in a dress.
02:00Thank God for that.
02:01You know what I do whenever I want to drink?
02:03What?
02:04I beat my face.
02:05And mine, apparently.
02:06Oh, yeah.
02:07Should probably go pick up a morgo soon.
02:09Let's do this.
02:10Let's go.
02:11Ladies first.
02:12And you have the nerve to go first.
02:26Photo purple.
02:30That's the one.
02:31Thanks, Mom.
02:32Yeah.
02:33I am not your drive mother.
02:34You want me to make it another month?
02:36Not for you.
02:37Okay.
02:38I should probably go take this off.
02:42Or should I leave it at home?
02:44You can do whatever you want, but that glitter's not going nowhere at night.
02:47It's like herpes.
02:49Oh, God.
02:50Damn it.
02:51Walk like a lady.
02:52Sorry.
03:02Hey.
03:03Hey.
03:04I'm sorry I wasn't there for you.
03:05I'm sorry I wasn't there for you.
03:06I'm sorry I wasn't there for you.
03:07To you, I'm sorry.
03:08Stop copying me.
03:09I'm more sorry because I don't get to bail you out as often.
03:10From what you told me on the phone, this really could have been my big redemption moment.
03:11Yeah, that's true.
03:12Honestly, you really screwed up big time.
03:13Let's get you home.
03:14I missed you.
03:15I missed you.
03:16I missed you.
03:17I, um...
03:18I have something.
03:19Yeah.
03:20I need to ask you about.
03:21Fraternity s**t?
03:22Yeah.
03:23You still haven't signed it?
03:24Well, I was waiting for you to get out and tell me what you want me to do.
03:27Yeah.
03:28Yeah.
03:29Yeah.
03:30Yeah.
03:31Yeah.
03:32Yeah.
03:33Yeah.
03:34Yeah.
03:35Yeah.
03:36Yeah.
03:37Yeah.
03:38Yeah.
03:39Yeah.
03:40Yeah.
03:41Yeah.
03:42Yeah.
03:43Yeah.
03:44Yeah.
03:45Yeah.
03:46Yeah.
03:47Yeah.
03:48Yeah.
03:49Yeah.
03:50It's not about what I want.
03:51It's about what she wants.
04:00I think I did try to kill myself last year.
04:05I didn't want to admit it, because I didn't want it to be true.
04:09But I thought about it all the time.
04:13Standing on a balcony, popping his annex, taking a bath.
04:20I thought about it too.
04:21I think about it a lot, actually.
04:22I'm not going to do it, obviously.
04:23And neither are you.
04:24Yeah.
04:25Promise.
04:26Promise.
04:27But the thought is, like, always there.
04:28Like a crack in the wall you hang a picture in front of.
04:30What's the picture of?
04:31What's the picture of?
04:32Doreen Gray.
04:33Oh, no.
04:34Maybe you need to get your medication adjusted too.
04:35Well, yeah, definitely.
04:36My doctor actually said that I have to stop drinking first.
04:37Which I'm sort of doing.
04:38Hell yeah.
04:39Love you, bro.
04:40Love you.
04:41Love you.
04:42You ready?
04:44That's all I've ever never reported.
04:45I think.
04:46I'm not going to jump around.
04:47I'm just looking back for the hearing in the background.
04:48You're moving back on the wall you hang a picture in front of.
04:49What's the picture of?
04:50Doreen Gray.
04:51Oh, no.
04:52Maybe you need to get your medication adjusted too.
04:53Oh, yeah, definitely.
04:54My doctor actually said that I'd have to stop drinking first.
04:56Oh.
04:57Which I'm sort of doing.
04:58Hell yeah.
04:59Yeah.
05:01Love you, bro.
05:02Love you.
05:03You ready?
05:10As I'll ever be.
05:18Hey.
05:23Come here.
05:24I'm always going to be here for you.
05:33I'll always be here for you.
05:36Unless I'm in a mental health facility or something.
05:38I'm kidding.
05:39I'm kidding.
05:41If you had gone into labor, I would have busted myself out of there and stolen an ambulance.
05:45Okay, well, thank God you didn't have to do that.
05:50I know it.
05:51I know it.
05:51It's pretty hard.
05:53Mama.
05:54It's pretty hard to see you.
05:56I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
05:59And I'm an alcoholic.
06:03You look good.
06:05No, I look like you.
06:06Well, it's good to look at you.
06:08And I love you.
06:12I love you.
06:15Noah, do you mind driving me into town?
06:18I thought these ladies could use a little alone time, so I made a doctor's appointment.
06:23You've been, uh, going to a lot of those recently.
06:27All right.
06:35Don't tell your sister, but I've got a boyfriend.
06:37I'm an alcoholic.
06:38Oh, you are not.
06:38We'll talk about it later.
06:42I'm an alcoholic.
06:43Oh, you are not.
06:44We'll talk about it later.
06:46We'll talk about it later.
06:47Woo!
06:48Woo!
06:49Woo-hoo!
06:50Yeah!
06:51Okay.
06:52Nice job, girl.
06:53I got you.
06:53Hey, I know I said this earlier, but I promise I'm going to earn your trust back.
07:03I know I haven't done anything to deserve it, but...
07:04No, babe, that's not true.
07:08This time, you actually gave me something different.
07:09I want to do something different, too.
07:10I want to do something different, too.
07:11Well, I think things are about to get very different.
07:15What are you talking about?
07:16Oh, the baby.
07:19Oh, the baby.
07:21It does.
07:22Oh, weird.
07:24This time, you actually gave me something different.
07:30I want to do something different, too.
07:33Well, I think things are about to get very different.
07:38What are you talking about?
07:39Oh, the baby!
07:42Oh, weird.
07:47You just promised me that you won't hurt yourself.
07:52Yeah, I promise.
07:55I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
07:58Maybe my daughter.
08:03I don't want that life to be very long.
08:11I love you.
08:12I love you, too.
08:15I think we should go back to therapy.
08:17Together.
08:18Do you think?
08:18So, how's it going?
08:26It's been a minute.
08:28Time's funny like that.
08:30Sometimes you wake up and suddenly it's two months later and you're like, um, watch what's happen.
08:35Yeah, I'm sorry I've been distant.
08:39Adoption fell through.
08:42And, you know, I've been going through it with Noah.
08:44Where'd you guys land?
08:49I don't know.
08:52Everything that's happened this year, I kind of think that things would have imploded a lot sooner if you weren't there.
08:57Really?
09:01I never thought that.
09:03I didn't know.
09:05Oh.
09:06When I was with you guys, it felt so good to be between you.
09:11And I don't just mean the sex.
09:12I mean, waking up in both your arms, and sometimes you would actually be holding hands, it was really cute.
09:24I always just felt surrounded by love.
09:27I mean, you guys invited me to share this really private, unfathomable thing, and it made me realize I'd have never been a part of anything like that before.
09:36I wanted it so badly.
09:45You'll find it.
09:49I already did.
09:52Well, you'll find it again.
09:53I want to hear your voice.
09:56Maybe it's all inside out and upside down.
09:59Every suburban boy just wants to get out.
10:02Maybe it's cause to get lost and hope to be found.
10:05Wherever you are, I hope you're a better one.
10:11What if I film this?
10:14F***.
10:15It's not showing my face.
10:17Oh, my God.
10:20That was f***ing amazing.
10:21Right?
10:23I don't know.
10:26So f***ing hot.
10:28Look at us.
10:31Do you think gay guys work out so much because we're mentally ill?
10:34Oh, definitely.
10:36I think gay guys try and control their bodies because we felt so out of control growing up.
10:41Or at least I did.
10:43Yeah.
10:44I think you're onto something.
10:46Hmm?
10:47But it's not just the body dysmorphia or the sex addiction.
10:50I can't quite shake the feeling that I'm almost who I'm supposed to be, you know?
11:01I never quite get there.
11:03We're not talking about abs anymore, are we?
11:05Nope.
11:08Well, I like who you are.
11:11Well, you don't really know me.
11:16Um, f*** you.
11:17Yes, I do.
11:18I've met your mother.
11:19And I've been inside of you.
11:21Oh, you're right.
11:22Yeah.
11:23I'm sorry.
11:25I don't know why I said that.
11:26You said it because it makes you feel uncomfortable when people see you.
11:30And guess what?
11:32I see you.
11:34Okay, Oprah.
11:34Okay, your turn to be the big spoon.
11:48Hey, you.
11:49Good morning.
11:50Morning.
11:53Oh, man.
11:58Thanks for letting me sleep over.
12:00I'm happy you stayed the night.
12:02Yeah, me too.
12:03What you got going on today?
12:06I'm prepping for my dissertation defense this week.
12:09It's kind of the last flaming hoop of my PhD.
12:12Sounds intense.
12:14Yeah.
12:15I have no idea what I'm walking into.
12:16It's going to either be a circle jerk or a firing squad.
12:21Listen, you'll do great at either.
12:25I hope so.
12:28Because if I don't pass,
12:29I could fail.
12:33Or I could be asked to revise and re-defend,
12:35and I honestly don't think I can do that again.
12:38Sometimes Dan's f***ing over it.
12:42Why?
12:43Because I'm tired of fighting all the time.
12:46And I'm tired of not knowing what my future looks like.
12:50Are you a psychic?
12:51No.
12:55Then you're never going to know the future.
12:58Just have to agree on what you hope it will be.
13:02He's not ready for that conversation.
13:04Well, maybe it will be when he's done with school.
13:07Whatever that's going to be.
13:10He said I was defending something this week.
13:13You saw Noah?
13:13Yeah, why?
13:17Is that against the rules?
13:19I have to ask him that.
13:20He's the one that's in charge of everything.
13:22Well, he said it was okay.
13:25Certainly.
13:26Typical.
13:27Okay, you obviously decided it was okay, too.
13:31That's fair.
13:32You know, I'd be lying if I didn't admit
13:37that part of me wondering
13:39if you were going to end it,
13:43and if you did,
13:45who I'd end up with.
13:49I'm not proud of it, but
13:50that's what usually happens.
13:54Usually.
13:56I mean, yeah.
13:58This ain't my first rodeo.
13:59There's something different about you guys.
14:04I actually kind of think
14:06you're made for each other.
14:07You think so?
14:08Yeah.
14:09Really?
14:11I do.
14:13You know what?
14:15I don't want to f*** that up.
14:17Okay.
14:21I think I f***ed up
14:22pretty well on my own.
14:24Why don't you just talk to him?
14:26What would I even say?
14:29Why did you guys get married
14:30in the first place?
14:35Honestly,
14:37I can't imagine my life without him.
14:40For the first time
14:41in my whole life,
14:44I felt complete.
14:48Don't get mad, okay?
14:49Look, all either of you
14:54talk about is each other,
14:55so
14:55I figured I'd cut out
14:57the middleman.
15:02Look, it's been fun, boys.
15:05Come visit me in LA sometime.
15:06What just happened?
15:19I have no idea.
15:22I missed you.
15:25I missed you, too.
15:26Smoking again?
15:31You had the occasion
15:31called for it.
15:35You're all dressed up.
15:37My dissertation defense
15:38is today,
15:39which Adam probably
15:40didn't think about
15:41when he arranged
15:41this little meet cute.
15:43It's kind of a manic
15:44pixie dreamboat, huh?
15:49It was more than that.
15:50Yeah.
15:54He told me you've been sober
15:56for over a month.
15:59Arthur told me
16:00that he put me in drag, so...
16:03Yeah.
16:05I think I have a problem, too.
16:06You definitely do.
16:10Yeah, I used to think
16:11that I was the only thing
16:12standing between you
16:13and total alcoholic oblivion.
16:15But I have been so drunk
16:17since you left.
16:18You know, I think I started out
16:20kind of mad
16:20at what you were saying,
16:21but then by the end
16:22I was feeling vindicated.
16:23Ah, you.
16:24Dan Charles, sobriety coach,
16:26saving me from just
16:27total alcoholic oblivion.
16:29Oh, I saved your ass
16:30a few times.
16:32I know.
16:37I'm such a mess
16:37compared to you.
16:40I honestly can't figure out
16:41why you ever put up with me.
16:47Because I'm a mess, too.
16:50I just better hide.
16:56No, you're not.
17:02And how do you account
17:02for the lack of positive depictions
17:04of homosexuality in the Bible?
17:07Well, homosexuality as we know it
17:10is a relatively modern construct.
17:12But a close reading of certain passages
17:14does reveal some pretty compellingly gay
17:16as I cite in Chapter 6, Section 2.
17:19Many scholars have argued
17:21for a queer reading of the relationship
17:23between Ruth and Naomi
17:24in the Book of Ruth.
17:26Truth is,
17:28our love wasn't considered
17:29a major offense in early Rome,
17:31which was presided over
17:32by the very recently converted
17:33conquering emperor Constantine,
17:35who was trying to rule over a society
17:37where Christians and pagans
17:39were actually trying to coexist,
17:42unlike today.
17:42It actually wasn't until
17:44the 13th century
17:45that that Thomas Aquinas
17:47linked condemnations of homosexuality
17:50to this concept of natural law.
17:54Society today
17:55still struggles to understand
17:57and define the laws
17:59that govern love.
18:01Though love is something
18:02that could be fully understood.
18:04And why the hell
18:05should we listen to Aquinas
18:07and the Bible
18:08over Plato
18:09and Dan Savage?
18:10Also, how exactly
18:13are we defining
18:14a positive depiction
18:15of homosexuality?
18:17I mean, who actually
18:17gets to decide that?
18:20Hopefully not straight people
18:21because they have
18:21some questionable taste.
18:24Sorry, that got
18:24a little off topic.
18:27What's your next question?
18:30Regarding the section
18:30on Judith Butler
18:31and gender performativity?
18:34Judy.
18:36Hey!
18:38What the f*** are you doing?
18:39Get the f*** off the art
18:41or I'll smash your face
18:42and your phones.
18:44Go!
18:45Run!
18:46Tell your influencer friends
18:48about the crazy desert lady
18:49who lives in these ruins!
18:52God.
18:53Hey, are you okay?
18:56Oh yeah, this is me normal.
18:58Crazy's kind of my thing.
18:59Should put it on a t-shirt.
19:01You're not crazy.
19:02I'm reclaiming crazy.
19:06Being boring
19:06is the real curse.
19:08Well,
19:09this is gonna take forever.
19:11Yes, it is.
19:12But the city gave me
19:13their final notice,
19:14so here we are.
19:18You are not gonna f***
19:19believe it, babe.
19:20I think my water
19:21just broke.
19:22Oh, f***.
19:23F***.
19:23F***.
19:23F***.
19:24F***.
19:26You know,
19:27secondhand smoke
19:28can lead to
19:28a number
19:29of pregnancy complications.
19:32Well,
19:32that's why
19:33I only smoke
19:34after really good sex.
19:35Mm-hmm.
19:36F***.
19:44Oh,
19:45you hear that?
19:46What?
19:47We're not talking
19:48about your kids.
19:50Oh,
19:50that's very funny.
19:54Wide guy, huh?
19:55Okay, well,
19:57fine,
19:58let's talk about
19:58something else.
19:59Do you have any kids?
20:02Four.
20:03One, three marriages.
20:07Hello?
20:10Okay.
20:12Um,
20:12stay calm,
20:13start counting
20:14your contractions.
20:14I'll be there
20:15when it's time.
20:16What happened?
20:17Eliza's water
20:18just broke.
20:19Oh, okay.
20:20Okay.
20:21Oh.
20:22Oh, God.
20:25Oh,
20:26yeah.
20:27Hi.
20:28Hi, sweetheart.
20:28What's going on?
20:29Oh, my God.
20:32Okay.
20:32I'll be there
20:33in a jiffy.
20:34So what happens now?
20:36Guess we sit out
20:37here and wait.
20:39Could be five minutes,
20:40could be hours.
20:43Shh.
20:47Thank you
20:48for being here.
20:50Um,
20:53Eliza's in labor.
20:59Come on,
20:59let's go.
21:00Let's get back.
21:00Noah,
21:00where are you going?
21:02We're having a baby.
21:03What?
21:04Wait,
21:04you passed.
21:06Congratulations,
21:06you f***ing idiots.
21:07I don't know.
21:08I don't know.
21:08It feels like a dream.
21:10It's like the whole world stopped.
21:14Like the whole world stopped for me.
21:18It's happening right now.
21:20Now.
21:20Oh,
21:21I don't know what's there in your eyes.
21:22Why it comes as such a big surprise to me now.
21:26And my heart just starts
21:29Every time you walk up to me
21:34You hit me so hard
21:36I'm in a million pieces
21:38That put me back together
21:40So much stronger
21:41Than I was at the start
21:43Give me love
21:51Give me time
21:53Give me a reason
21:55To hold on tight
21:57You lift me up
21:59It feels like I'm dreaming
22:01But give enough
22:03To believe in
22:04Believing and I
22:06Don't wanna,
22:08Don't wanna lose
22:09This feeling
22:11Falling apart
22:15Or in a thousand pieces
22:17You put me back together
22:19So much better
22:20Than I was at the start
22:22Don't wanna,
22:28Don't wanna lose
22:30This feeling
22:31Don't wanna,
22:36Don't wanna lose
22:38This feeling
22:39Welcome to the family.
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