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Riot Women Season 1 Episode 2

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Fun
Transcript
00:00To be continued...
00:30Oh
00:40Hello
01:00Oh
01:30Kitty
01:40Hello
01:41I didn't expect you to be up yet. Did you sleep?
01:43I've forgotten your name
01:45Beth
01:46Yeah, we got a bit drunk, didn't we?
01:48Let me get you some breakfast
01:50Can you finish your...
01:52No, no, I've got to go in a minute
01:54Erm, what can I get you?
01:56Coffee?
01:57Alka-Seltzer
01:59You just help yourself to toast, jam, whatever
02:04Did we...
02:06Last night, what did we?
02:08What did we?
02:10Oh, we talked
02:12About music
02:14The band, this band that I'm involved with
02:16And my idea to do something more with it
02:18Something more than silly cover songs
02:20And you seemed keen
02:22Well, more than keen
02:23I am, I am
02:24Erm, I would be
02:26We came up with a whole song
02:28Do you remember?
02:29We were singing it in the car
02:31You with your fantastic voice
02:34And me with my
02:35Not quite so fantastic voice
02:38We didn't have sex or anything?
02:41You and me?
02:42No?
02:47Oh, can you imagine?
02:49No
02:50Anyway, look, we can catch up properly again this evening
02:53If you want to
02:54But you don't have to
02:55But I could cook us a meal or...
02:57Are you vegetarian or anything?
02:59No
03:00No
03:01No, I think you told me that last night
03:03Just help yourself to anything in the fridge
03:06If you go out for a walk
03:08Can you lock up?
03:09Just put the key under the plant pot outside
03:11Outside the back door
03:13Otherwise
03:15Just make yourself at home
03:17Yeah, if you...
03:19If you...
03:20Thanks
03:21Oh no, thank you
03:22It's so exciting
03:25Yeah
03:27Is it?
03:28Shouldn't get too carried away
03:29Early days
03:31I'm usually back about five or six
03:33And you've got my number
03:35It's in your phone
03:37Under Beth
03:38We swapped phone numbers last night
03:39So, erm
03:40Call me
03:41If you need anything at all
03:43But you take it easy
03:45Hey Kitty
03:46You've had a really unpleasant experience
03:48And you need time to recover and sort yourself out
03:52And you do need to see a doctor
03:54Yeah, I know
03:55I will
03:57Thanks
03:59Okay
04:01See you
04:18Hang on Beth
04:19I've got a message to ring you
04:21Bye Benny
04:22Aw
04:24See you
04:25I'm moving
04:26Up
04:27Up
04:28Up
04:29Up
04:30Up
04:31Up
04:32Up
04:33Up
04:34Up
04:35Up
04:36Up
04:37Up
04:38Up
04:40Up
04:41Up
04:43Up
04:44Up
04:45Up
04:46Up
04:47Up
04:48See you later, lads. I love you.
04:50See you.
04:51Did it work?
04:52No, I just wanted to check if you were all right last night.
04:54Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:56Sorry, I shouldn't have walked out like that.
04:58Hey, you don't have to apologise, Beth. Not to me.
05:01I'm just sorry Yvonne was such a pain in the bottom.
05:05I mean, I didn't even know she was coming. I don't even know her.
05:08I was just going with the flow. I was just thinking the more the merrier.
05:11Of course, yeah.
05:13So are you still in?
05:14I am definitely still in.
05:16Good. Right, so we're going to meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
05:18I figured that would work for you because you said you'd never go out.
05:21And we're going to work on Smoke on the Water,
05:23because I can already do that on the drums.
05:25Waterloo and Layla. How about that?
05:28That's great.
05:29And listen, Holly gave Yvonne a right we were talking to last night
05:32after you'd gone.
05:33And we've decided we're just going to perform
05:35whichever one we're all happiest with on the night.
05:38How about that?
05:39Perfect. That's brilliant.
05:41So, yeah, yeah.
05:42As long as we can all agree, yeah.
05:44The other news, the other news is that I have found us a singer,
05:48a proper singer, someone who can actually fucking,
05:51oh my God, can she sing?
05:53Go on, take everything, take everything, take everything, take everything!
06:05Oh, my God.
06:07You see a show-up on?
06:11Oh, fuck off. You oughta to toss it.
06:12Oh, my God.
06:14You know what?
06:15Yeah.
06:16Oh, my God.
06:18Oh, my God.
06:20Oh, my God.
06:21You see a show-up on?
06:24Oh, fuck off. You oughta to toss that.
06:26Sorry, excuse me. Hello.
06:46You've got an amazing voice.
06:50Can I get you a drink?
06:51What a soda.
06:54You all right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:57A diet coat, please.
07:00Do you want to be in a band? You are.
07:02I know this will probably sound crazy, and it's not professional,
07:06there's no money, but me and a friend are trying to put a band together
07:10just for a bit of fun, but we haven't got a singer.
07:13Well, I meet someone who can actually sing.
07:16And it's just for this charity event, and we'd be doing a cover,
07:20and we're no good.
07:22Well, not yet.
07:23But what I was hoping was that eventually
07:26we'd be able to write our own material about things that matter.
07:32You see, we're all women on the wrong side of 50,
07:35and now you're obviously younger than that, but...
07:37I was all the things that matter.
07:40Oh, well...
07:42..in my case, um...
07:47..my husband decided to leave about a year ago,
07:51which was fine, except it wasn't.
07:54Not really.
07:56And then there's my son.
07:58He's married to a very nice girl.
08:01I just don't think I really exist any more.
08:03Not in their world.
08:05Then work's a head fuck.
08:06I'd love to retire,
08:08but there's a thousand reasons why that's not an option.
08:11And then on top of all that, there's the inevitable.
08:14Headaches, nights, sweats,
08:15can't sleep, can't think straight,
08:17can't make a decision without bursting into tears,
08:19which all sounds a bit miserable.
08:22But I had a moment,
08:23and it all became more about anger than misery,
08:28which is why I think punk is the thing.
08:32It's my era.
08:33I grew up in the 70s,
08:35and your voice,
08:37that's a real talent,
08:39to have such raw energy in your voice.
08:44That, I would think, is really rather rare.
08:50It's interesting you should say all that.
08:52I've been having a bit of a shit week myself.
08:56Turns out this fella's been having her on for years,
08:59telling her he can't stand his wife,
09:02and that he's leaving her.
09:03Only she finds out that he's got three weeks holiday booked
09:06in Antigua with his wife.
09:08And their two kids,
09:09where they're going to reaffirm their marriage vows.
09:12So she realises, like a slap in the face,
09:14she was only ever meant to be his bit on the side.
09:17Men are just...
09:18They're just wired wrong, aren't they?
09:20And do you know what?
09:22I don't think they can actually help it.
09:23Don't make excuses for him, for fuck's sake.
09:26Sorry.
09:27And she's got her own very vivid take on things.
09:29And she's really keen.
09:31I mean, to develop songs and stuff.
09:33No, no, no, no way.
09:34Not Waterloo.
09:35No, it's a good song.
09:36It is a good song,
09:37but you wouldn't be doing something like Billie Eilish,
09:39Batgirl, Bikini King...
09:40Alanis Morissette.
09:42Is she perverted like me?
09:45Would she go down on you when I did it?
09:48Oh, there's too many.
09:49And now I'm here...
09:50Oh, it's too hard.
09:51To remind you
09:53Of the mess you left
09:56When you went away
09:57It's not fair
09:59To deny...
10:01Oh, skunkin' Nancy.
10:02As weak as I am
10:04No tears for you
10:07As deep as I am
10:09Oh, no one's full
10:12As weak as I am
10:14Oh, last in a party
10:15And I will fuck you
10:17Like nothing matters
10:19And I will hold you
10:21Like he held me
10:22Can I just take your name and number?
10:24So I can get in touch about rehearsals.
10:27Are you leaving?
10:28I got work in the morning.
10:34Have you literally got nowhere to go?
10:36I used to invent swear words
10:41I am so inglorious
10:44And then, oh, the pitiful, shameful, shitty arguments we used to have
10:50And his favourite line was
10:51I shouldn't criticise him
10:53Because he wasn't the worst husband in the world
10:55Not by any stretch of the imagination
10:58But his favourite line in any argument was always
11:02You're just like your mother
11:04Oh, my God
11:05Which I used to hear as an insult
11:09And then when my mother got dementia
11:11Which I remembered all the thousand and one things I'd learned from her
11:17About life
11:18Across that sea of years when I was growing up
11:21That brilliant, articulate, kind, clever woman that was my mother
11:26And I thought, yes, I am just like my mother
11:29Thank you very much
11:31So fuck you with your below-the-belt shitty insults
11:34You see, I always thought that would make a good song
11:38He said, oh, you're just like your mother
11:41He said, oh, you're just like your mother
11:44He said, oh, you're just like your mother
11:47And he's done nothing like yours
11:50Are you sure I can't make you something to eat?
11:57I don't really do food
11:58Well, cheers
12:01What did you do to your face?
12:05It's been a funny few days
12:07I'm really sorry
12:08Is that your mum?
12:12Yes
12:13Yes
12:14And that's Tom
12:16My son
12:17Oh, and that's his wife
12:20Nice
12:22Have you got children?
12:27No
12:27I'm going to sit there
12:30Yeah, yeah, yeah
12:31Do, do
12:32I hardly ever see him these days
12:35He's happy
12:35He does his own thing
12:37But he doesn't need me anymore
12:39You see, there's another song
12:43There are so many
12:45I should be getting out my new keyboard
12:46I could write a thousand songs about this sweat I've been dealing with
12:50I would help you that
12:52I might damage something
12:53No, no, it's all right
12:55It's all right
12:56What do you do for, you know, money?
13:00Whatever I can
13:01Oh, God, I thought it was an arm there
13:10What did you get for a job?
13:15Like behind the bar?
13:15Yeah, I can possibly give her a few hours
13:17She's a bit rough and ready
13:19But I like her
13:20She makes me smile
13:22She's cheered me up
13:24Yeah
13:25Well, I can have a chat with her
13:26If she can get herself down to the Duke
13:28With a P-45
13:28Right, sweetheart
13:30Yeah
13:31Right, I'm just going to sign us up
13:32To the talent contest
13:33Um
13:34What shall I put down as our name?
13:37Do you not like riot women?
13:39What about hot flush?
13:41Well
13:41I'll put anything
13:43We can always change it later
13:45Right
13:47It's official
14:01It's in ink
14:02What are we?
14:03We're the riot women
14:05It's plough, Manuela
14:16Okay, back in ten
14:20Hey
14:25Hi, Luca
14:26Hey, we've done that project
14:27Gigantly
14:27Brilliant
14:28Hey
14:30Oh, shit
14:32This way
14:33You're still ignoring me, Jessie
14:35I'm here
14:36Sorry, who's talking to me?
14:38It's silly
14:39You're silly
14:40Sorry, I didn't see you there
14:41It's time to be more like the grown-ups
14:43We are in the same business
14:45We should communicate
14:46We should share and tell
14:47Yeah, yeah
14:48Sure, sure
14:48Anytime
14:49Bye
14:49I am prodding you
14:51With my olive stick
14:52Oh, what?
14:53So you're going to call me customers again?
14:55Lovely, thanks
14:55Ta-da
14:56Because we have things in common
14:57Yeah, we don't
14:59Have a nice day
14:59Jessie, come on
15:01This is ancient history
15:03Oh, is it?
15:04Is it really?
15:06What about that time you pranged my fiesta?
15:08Eh?
15:08Not even so much as a sorry
15:09Sorry I've written your car off, Jess
15:11No
15:11Jess, you pranked my truck
15:13You were on your phone
15:15No, no
15:15I was not on my phone
15:16I was not on my phone
15:18That was a lie
15:19You told the insurance company
15:21I'm sorry
15:21I am sorry
15:23You lost
15:24You're not claiming bonds
15:26Yeah, funny
15:27Funny, look, everyone's laughing
15:28And you gave me COVID
15:30Shouting me face with your breath
15:32I was ill in bed for six weeks
15:34And you're just swanning around
15:35Like the arrogant ignorant fucktard that you are
15:37And that's the only reason
15:38The insurance company came down on your side
15:40I was too ill to contest the thing properly
15:42And that's not ancient history
15:43So, yeah
15:44I am ignoring you, actually
15:46Inez
15:47Bye-bye
15:48You make me sad, Jessie
15:51Look, we were friends once
15:54We can be friends again, no?
15:56Jess
15:56Well, boo-hoo
15:58Suck it up
15:59So, playing an electric guitar is different to playing an acoustic guitar
16:07I mean, the chords are all the same
16:09But then there's different stuff
16:10Like, do you know about your power chords?
16:11No
16:11I've not even got a guitar yet
16:13I need to find something I can borrow one of
16:14Will you be playing rhythm or lead?
16:16No idea
16:16So, rhythm guitar is like you're playing chords
16:18Like you're supporting the drummer
16:19Like keeping the beat going
16:21And then lead you're doing like your riffs, your licks, your solo sort of stuff
16:24Okay
16:24You've got an amp?
16:25I haven't got anything
16:27But when you get your guitar, you're going to need to get an amp as well
16:30And then you can start thinking about your pedals, your pedal board
16:34What pedals?
16:35For your different sounds
16:36Joe getting started on his pedals
16:37I mean, you can just plug it straight into an amp if you've got a combo, but that's it
16:41Bit shit
16:42So, you're going to need your overdrive pedal, your reverb pedal, your delay and your distortion
16:46He loves his pedals
16:46You don't need all of them, not to start with, but I'd definitely get like a tube screamer
16:50A banging hangover, a wire pedal, kind of like a crybaby
16:53And a big muff
16:55You'll love it
16:57Honestly, you'll change your life
16:58A big muff?
16:59How?
17:04What's your budget?
17:05I haven't got one
17:06I told you, it'll all be over in a few show weeks, I'm not spending any money
17:09What are you doing?
17:25I'm asleep
17:25It's not that loud
17:27Well, go do it somewhere else
17:28What, in me other house?
17:29Well, I would, only, oh yeah, I haven't got one
17:31I meant in the shed
17:32It's ten to eleven, I've retired, this is my new hobby
17:35You can't be serious
17:36You know now about it
17:38Yet, I soon will
17:40What time does your shift start?
17:42Twelve
17:42Right, well, you have to be up anyway then, don't you?
17:44Yeah, well, I could have had another ten minutes
17:46Yes?
17:52Holly?
17:52Yes
17:53Fucking ridiculous
17:54You're fucking ridiculous
17:55It's Rudy
17:56Rudy, what's happening?
17:59Well, I'm with a lady and I'm thinking it's your mum
18:02I've got nothing to do with you, where I'm going
18:05God alone knows why you've called the police
18:07She's sat waiting for a train at Sorby Bridge railway station in her dressing gown and slippers
18:12Oh my God, how's she got there?
18:16Er, taxi
18:17Any road
18:18The driver wasn't sure he should be leaving her on her own
18:21So he's rung three nines and, er, well, I've found your contacts in her purse
18:25It's a bugger if you can't set off for the day without being reported to the police
18:44You're in your nightclothes, he was worried about you
18:46Oh, get with it
18:48Everyone goes out in the pyjamas these days
18:51You've never been to Lidl
18:52I'll go after me birthday suit next time
18:55Then he'll have something to say
18:57Well, it'll be contrary to section 66 of the sexual offences, Aunt, but you crack on
19:01Oh, now I'm a sex offender
19:04That's new
19:05In
19:06Oh, was a clever answer
19:08What you been up to now, Nancy?
19:10Often a little odyssey was here
19:11Oh, God almighty
19:13She's here
19:15Let's go
19:15No, Mum
19:16No, hi, Veronica
19:17Where was you heading for, eh? Lanzarote? Bill Sunshine?
19:20She just talks rubbish
19:22How's yourself, Ollie?
19:23Yeah
19:23Good, good, thanks
19:24Doesn't look like she's taking her meds again
19:26You're gonna take your pills for me, Nancy
19:28Can you tell her to fuck off? She doesn't listen when I say it
19:32No, we don't use language like that, not to a house professional
19:34Professional? This one? She wipes her arse on the curtains
19:38Well, where have you got them from? You can't say that
19:42Oh, bless her
19:42You see, this is what happens when you skip your meds, Nancy
19:45You start using naughty words
19:46Naughty words?
19:48Does she think I'm six?
19:49You do, you get your potty mouth on
19:50You can go now, because Holly's here
19:52I'm sorry, I am sorry
19:54Are you all right? She loves me, really
19:55Oh, and the rest
19:57Do you want some tea?
19:59Oh, and there's some nice biscuits somewhere
20:02Not them she brings
20:03See, they'll be worried about where I am
20:20That's all I was thinking
20:23Who?
20:26My mum and dad
20:27You know, they've not seen me for weeks
20:33Months
20:35I can't remember the last time I was there
20:40Could you not drive me over?
20:48That they're not there anymore
20:50Aren't they?
20:54You all left Hull in 1941
20:58After the bombing
21:00When you were nine
21:01Did we?
21:07Where are they then?
21:21They're dead
21:22Yeah, yeah
21:25They're dead
21:29Are both of them?
21:35Yeah
21:36They've been dead a while now
21:38They were very old
21:40They
21:40They had a nice life
21:42A good life
21:43Always
21:44Smiling and
21:45Laughing
21:46And full of fun
21:47Does our Colin know?
21:54Yeah
21:55He
21:56Uncle Colin
21:59He
21:59He knew
22:00Let me clean your glasses
22:10Aye
22:13You can do
22:15I can't see through them
22:21Either way
22:22Oh, shut me up if I've said it before
22:27You've said it before
22:28No one could have been kinder to her than me when she came here
22:32I gave her a job
22:33I gave her a roof overhead
22:34That's practically a mother to her
22:35And then she goes and opens that wine bar behind me back
22:38Oh yeah
22:39All done and dusted
22:40And after she's learnt everything there is to know about the business
22:43Not just about the business
22:44But the business in this town
22:46Off me
22:47Antec saw me regulars off me
22:49Overnight I had an empty pub
22:50Had to build it all up again from nothing
22:52And I did
22:53Anyway
22:54I won't go on again about the fucking Spanish bitch
22:58She's Catalonian
22:59I know where she's from
23:01Shouldn't you be practising your drums, Mama
23:03If you're not going to make a top dick of yourself in a few weeks
23:06You see, I'm just not like that
23:07Unscrupulous
23:09Devious
23:10Underhand
23:10Manipulative
23:11Sneaky
23:12I've never been like that
23:13A liar
23:14And so you see
23:15I don't always see it in other people
23:17Then of course it's always a shock when other people do behave like that
23:19Oh for God's sake, Mother
23:20Will you have a day off?
23:22Always complaining about people
23:23Always finding fault in everybody
23:25You're not perfect yourself
23:27Are you seeing Bruno again?
23:32Bruno?
23:33What are you on about?
23:34All this sneaking about
23:36Do you think I'm thick?
23:37Charting yourself up not to learn anyone where you're going
23:39Oh God
23:41If you're seeing that abusive little
23:44I haven't got words bad enough for him
23:47If you're seeing him again, you want your head examined later
23:49Why would I be seeing him?
23:51Well, I don't know
23:52Something's going on that you're not telling us about
23:54She's seeing Inez
23:56What?
24:02What did you say?
24:02What did you say, Mary?
24:04No, I'm not
24:05Well, what is she saying it for?
24:06Well, because she's off a jump
24:07She's senile
24:08She's away with the trolls
24:09I don't know
24:10Are you protesting too much?
24:12No
24:12Well, why are you going red?
24:13I'm not
24:14Jesus, itch
24:15Dude, I can see you alike, you know
24:18All right?
24:19As long as it's not someone that's going to hurt you again
24:21Like he did
24:22Yeah, well then
24:22Well then
24:23Well then
24:23Well then, so why is it a secret?
24:26Chloe
24:26Because I know you don't like her
24:28Who?
24:28Inez
24:29Hi, girls
24:33Oh, Gerry's here now with the beer
24:35Geriatric
24:36You know where everything goes
24:39Chloe, get back here
24:41You all right, Mary?
24:42Yeah, I'm good
24:43Thanks, Gerry
24:44Are you lying?
24:45I'm minding my own business
24:47If this is true
24:49You better think long and hard about what you want out of it
24:52Because that's it as far as I'm concerned
24:54Why?
24:54Why?
24:55All the things I've done for you
24:57All the rubbish I've put up with over the years
24:59Rescuing you
25:00From one bad idea after another
25:02All the jibes and insults and geriatric
25:04And now this
25:05I can't even process it
25:08We don't have to because it's none of your business
25:11Is there anything more calculated to upset me?
25:13I can't begin to imagine
25:14Always, always
25:15It's always about you
25:17And you're not even like that
25:18Right, well, I am
25:19So
25:19Oh, right, so is that why you've got three kids to two different fellas?
25:22Oh, I'm not even getting into
25:23Inez
25:23Of all people
25:24Of course it's Inez
25:26Obviously, it's Inez
25:27What could be worse than that poisonous little Tossa Bruno?
25:30Only you could aim so high
25:32Oh, my God
25:33Oh, my God, I think I'm having a heart attack
25:35I think I'm having a stroke
25:36Better have a lie down then
25:37If you think for one minute
25:39For one fraction of a split second
25:41That I am child-minding
25:43And babysitting
25:44And taking people to school
25:45And on holiday
25:45And everything else to do for you
25:47While you go doing what
25:48Whatever it is you're doing with that bitch
25:51I don't think anything
25:53I don't expect anything from you
25:56Because all you want to do
25:57Is show off what a wonderful granny you are
26:00And what a useless parent I am
26:03Well, you know, if the cat fits
26:04All right
26:05Fuck you
26:07I'm off
26:08And I'm taking Bronte with me
26:10Where?
26:12Where?
26:13And for your information
26:14We was at it when she lived here
26:15Before I even went out with Bruno
26:17Before Bronte were born
26:19And if you hadn't kicked up such a fuss
26:22And made life so hard for everybody
26:24When my dad left
26:24We'd have probably got it together then
26:26And I never would have been involved
26:28With bloody Bruno
26:29And I don't suppose it's ever occurred to you
26:31That I was basically having a breakdown
26:35When your dad left
26:36Oh, me, me, me, me
26:38She's having you on
26:40She isn't
26:41She is
26:41You forget I know her
26:43You don't know her
26:44You think you do
26:46But you don't
26:46Because you
26:47Are blind
26:49It's all twisted in your mind
26:51All the truth about what happened
26:53With me bloody dad
26:55And I'm out of here
26:57And you won't be seeing
26:58None of these kids for dust
27:00Ever
27:00Again
27:28I'm out of here
27:30And I'm out of here
27:31And you'll be seeing
27:33Your soul
27:34And you'll be seeing
27:34People
27:34In the
27:55I don't know.
28:25I don't know.
28:55I don't know.
29:25I don't know.
29:27I don't know.
29:29I don't know.
29:31I don't know.
29:33I don't know.
29:35I don't know.
29:37I don't know.
29:39I don't know.
29:41I don't know.
29:43I don't know.
29:45I don't know.
29:47I don't know.
29:49I don't know.
29:51I don't know.
29:53I don't know.
29:55I don't know.
29:57I don't know.
29:59I don't know.
30:01I don't know.
30:03I don't know.
30:05I don't know.
30:07I don't know.
30:09I don't know.
30:11I don't know.
30:13I don't know.
30:15I don't know.
30:17I don't know.
30:19I don't know.
30:21I don't know.
30:23I don't know.
30:25I don't know.
30:27I don't know.
30:29I don't know.
30:45Oh, my God.
30:59Take everything.
31:01Take everything.
31:03Take everything.
31:05I want you to go on.
31:08Take everything.
31:12Hello?
31:13Tom?
31:14Oh, my.
31:15You busy?
31:16No, I'm not.
31:17I'm just driving home from work.
31:18So, you know what I said yesterday about coming over to see you and changing the day?
31:22I do, yeah.
31:24Well, the thing is, what are you doing this Sunday?
31:27Because me and Fern were going to Liverpool to see my mate Toby.
31:31But he's blown us out because he's got Covid.
31:33Oh, dear.
31:34Is he all right?
31:35No, the twat is in bed.
31:37Well, that's fantastic.
31:40Shall I make us some lunch?
31:41If you like.
31:42Oh, well, you could take me out, seeing as it was meant to be for Mother's Day.
31:46Yeah, but if you're making lunch anyway.
31:48Well, I wasn't, but that'll be lovely though.
31:50Sunday lunch at home with you.
31:53And this is definite.
31:55You're not going to blow me out if you get a better offer, are you?
31:58Of course not.
31:59Right.
32:00OK, well, I'll be very happy to see you.
32:03All right.
32:04Love you.
32:05See you later.
32:06Bye.
32:07Bye.
32:08Love you.
32:09Bye.
32:10Bye.
32:41Hi.
32:43Hi.
32:44I'm still here.
32:45Good.
32:46Have you had a good day?
32:48Yes, actually.
32:49Really not too bad.
32:50What about you?
32:51Listen to this.
32:52I'm going to do it on this because I can't work out loud pedal on that.
32:57Listen to this. I'm going to do it on this, because I can't work out loud pedal on that.
33:11I used to think your words could hurt me.
33:16We were spiralling and taking chunks out of each other.
33:21But you crossed the line and you lost your wife when you said to me, you're just like your mother.
33:35Saying it like it's an insult says more about you than it does about me.
33:42He said, oh, you're just like your mother. He said, oh, you're just like your mother.
33:47Poor little man-child forced to suffer, because apparently I'm just like my mother.
33:54The joke's on you, because you never really knew her.
33:59A rebellious suburban badass bitch who never for a second would have taken your shit.
34:06Saying it like it's an insult says more about you than it does about me.
34:11He said, oh, you're just like your mother. He said, oh, you're just like your mother.
34:18Poor little man-child forced to suffer, because apparently I'm just like your mother.
34:25That's as far as I've got.
34:26Oh, Kitty, that is wonderful.
34:29Do you not like it?
34:29No, I do very much.
34:31Are you laughing?
34:31No, it's really good.
34:33I'm smiling.
34:34You think it was shit?
34:35Not remotely, but did you not like the Rebel with the Sparks card line?
34:38She's the countdown queen.
34:39Yeah, I just, I haven't got it in there yet, but I will.
34:42And you can play?
34:43Oh, I flicked through the manual.
34:44Oh, come on.
34:45I did GCSE music.
34:47You never said.
34:48I forgot.
34:49I wanted to get out of hockey, but yeah, and I had keyboard lessons for a couple of years,
34:53so hardly anyone did music O-level at my school.
34:56And I went to a grammar school.
34:57Well, you're assuming I went to Shit Street High, which I did to start with,
35:00but then we were 13.
35:02I got sent to this posh private school in North Yorkshire, only I got expelled.
35:09Did you really?
35:10Eventually, for dealing in illegal substances, yeah?
35:13No, I mean, did you really go to...
35:14Oh, my dad made a lot of money one way or another, plus he couldn't stand the sight of me,
35:17so it was no-brainer to shell out some notes and just dump me in some smart arse school.
35:24My mum had died, so yeah, it was just a nuisance as far as he was concerned, so.
35:30I'm sorry.
35:31I know, it was an education and all sorts of things, except, you know, education.
35:38No, I mean about your mum.
35:44Well, I am very impressed.
35:47I've made spaghetti bolognese.
35:51Have you?
35:51Well, I've made something.
35:53Is...
35:54Is that OK?
35:55Yes!
35:56Yes!
35:57It's a treat for me, coming home to a cooked meal.
36:01I was worried you might have left.
36:02I was worried you might have suddenly got it into your head that I was some kind of weirdo and cleared off.
36:06Well, it did occur to me you might be a serial killer.
36:08Did it?
36:09Hmm, I'm not.
36:11Well, I would say that, wouldn't I?
36:13I'm not either.
36:14I have got many and varied faults, but that's not one of them.
36:16I'm going to come and get changed, and then would you?
36:18Want to sing it again?
36:19Oh, if you can stand it.
36:20Oh, I'm so excited.
36:22Oh, my God, you have written a song.
36:24Half a song?
36:25They were your words, and I feel it was your tune.
36:27No, no, you came up with the tune.
36:29Did I?
36:29Well, one of us did.
36:34I'll open a bottle of wine.
36:35I'll put spaghetti on.
36:36Oh, my son and his wife are going to come over for lunch on Sunday, and if you're still here, which you probably won't be, because you probably will have found somewhere of your own with your own friends by then.
37:00But if you are here...
37:01I'll make myself guess.
37:03No, I mean you'd be welcome to join us.
37:06Oh.
37:08Sure, thanks.
37:09And I need to give you the number of my surgery.
37:12Oh, and I spoke to my friend Jess this morning, and if you need any work, just to tide you over, she said she might be able to offer you something behind the bar.
37:21She owns a pub in Hebden.
37:23The Duke.
37:23Do you know it?
37:25Okay.
37:26Thanks.
37:26Thanks.
37:53Bye.
38:13Bye.
38:13Bye.
38:14Bye.
38:19Bye.
38:22Bye.
38:23Bye.
38:23Apparently just
38:53This is West Yorkshire Adoption Services.
38:57Our lines are currently closed.
38:59Please call back between the hours of 9am...
39:08Rebel with a Sparks card
39:10She's the Countdown Queen
39:13Gotta go
39:15This is Kitty.
39:18Kitty Eckersley.
39:20And this is Holly and...
39:22Nisha.
39:23Nisha.
39:24And Cam.
39:25Cam.
39:26Hiya.
39:27Oh, and Yvonne.
39:28How do?
39:29Hello.
39:30Hiya.
39:31Hi.
39:32Where's Jess?
39:34I'm here.
39:35I'm here.
39:36Sorry, sorry, sorry.
39:38Can't find the lead for this bloody karaoke speaker.
39:41Just trying to do a thousand things at once.
39:43You alright?
39:44Yeah, yeah.
39:46Oh, is this Kitty?
39:48Hello, I'm Jess.
39:50What have you done to your mouth, love?
39:51Cut myself shaving.
39:53Ah!
39:54Ah!
39:55Ah, you fucker!
39:57I was telling Jess on the phone, Kitty has got the most amazing singing voice.
40:02And are you alright now then, Beth?
40:04Don't start.
40:05I wasn't.
40:06I was being nice.
40:07Yes.
40:08Thank you, Yvonne.
40:09What are we going to do first?
40:10Can we do Waterloo first?
40:11Because you're the only one I've got a remote chance of getting through.
40:14Yeah, and we've been working on our moves to Waterloo, so...
40:17Lovely.
40:18Great.
40:19Plus, also me and Beth have been working on this other song for the last two days.
40:21Want to add that to the mix of stuff we might end up doing at this talent show as well, so...
40:26Yeah, we could sing it for you, and then if you like it, maybe we could all work on it.
40:31Yeah.
40:32Sure.
40:33Right.
40:34So, hang on.
40:35Do you all know how to get plugged in and tuned up?
40:37Well, we'll find out, won't we?
40:38Sorry, how do you two know each other?
40:39Oh, we don't.
40:40Not really.
40:41I heard Kitty singing in a bar the other night after I left here and I couldn't believe it.
40:46She sounded so...
40:49Gets you.
40:50Right here.
40:51So I asked her to join us.
40:53I need to get my keyboard out the car.
40:55Do you want a hand, Beth?
40:57Oh, thank you, Cam.
40:58You alright?
40:59Be alright.
41:00Hmm.
41:11Have we got microphones?
41:12Yeah, we've got microphones, Jess.
41:13Yes, that's what I'm doing now.
41:15Miranda says that karaoke amp should work perfectly well for what we need.
41:18Yeah.
41:19Er...
41:21Right.
41:22Er...
41:23There's some microphone stands somewhere.
41:25It's alright, Nisha, do you mind just going next door and asking Miranda where they are?
41:28John!
41:29Where'd you get all that from?
41:30Oh, people are so pathetically grateful when you deliver their babies for them without damaging
41:44them.
41:45Nearly makes up for the stupid hours we have to work and not getting paid properly.
41:48It's only borrowed.
41:49You can stop turning green.
41:50Right, so is everybody ready?
41:51Yeah.
41:52Woo!
41:53Ready.
41:54Okay.
41:55On the count of four then, yeah?
41:56Mm-hmm.
41:57Okay.
41:58And...
41:59One, two, three, four.
42:00Sorry, that was me.
42:01Sorry, that was shaking.
42:02Let's just go again.
42:03Go again.
42:04Straight away.
42:05Come on, Jess.
42:06One, two, three...
42:07Hang on, hang on.
42:08Right, okay.
42:09Are we ready?
42:10Yep.
42:11One, two, three, four.
42:42Two is my destiny in quite a similar way.
42:44The history book on the shelf is always repeating itself.
42:49Whoa!
42:50Hип.
42:51Don't lose.
42:52Tell us what happened!
42:53And Holy again.
42:54I was defeated, right? Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
43:00Push that beat, love. That is too slow.
43:03There's no energy holding Beth back.
43:04I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
43:08I was worried about you, Holly, actually. I thought I was rushing you.
43:11I'm sorry. This is hard. This is difficult. I've never done this before.
43:14Yeah, mate, well, we could... Jess, are you all right?
43:17Yeah. Right, OK, well, maybe we'll just play it through once,
43:20no matter how bad or slow we're out of time,
43:22and then we unpick it afterwards, yeah?
43:24Yeah, oh, you two could play at the proper speed,
43:26cos you know what you're doing.
43:28And you two just... just do what you can.
43:31If you get lost or whatever, just come back in when you can, all right,
43:34cos they can keep it going.
43:35Is that how you're gonna sing it?
43:37Are you, er... are you talking to me?
43:40Well, it was aggressive. It was verging on nasty.
43:42It's not that sort of song.
43:44Well, that's my shtick, baby. It's the mood I'm in.
43:48If you want Saka in, you're looking at the wrong chick dudes.
43:51Seriously.
43:53Yeah.
43:55I think you sang the wrong words there, Kitty.
43:58It's...
43:59Waterloo, how would you feel if you won the war?
44:02No...
44:03Well, you sang something different.
44:08Waterloo, I was defeated, you won the war.
44:11Oh!
44:11Wow, OK, who knew?
44:13Fair play.
44:15I prefer your version, though. It's less meh.
44:17Like handing everything to the garner plate.
44:18Do you like our moves, Kitty?
44:21I didn't see them, love. I wasn't looking at you.
44:23Oh.
44:25Sorry.
44:26I'll look out for them next time.
44:27Oh, I forgot to say, there's a couple of little saxophone solos in the chorus.
44:30One after war.
44:31Oh, I was defeated, you won the war.
44:36That's it.
44:37And couldn't escape if I wanted to.
44:39We thought that you could do them on that, if you feel up to it at some point in the future.
44:43Who did?
44:44Well, me and Beth did.
44:45When we were driving over earlier, listening to it.
44:49Do you know which bit I mean?
44:50Yeah.
44:51Yeah.
44:55Maybe not today, but, you know, eventually.
44:57Going to count us in again, then just a go!
44:59Right.
45:00Is everyone ready?
45:01We are.
45:01Yes.
45:01Right, here we go.
45:03One, two, three, four!
45:04One, two, three, four!
45:34One, two, three, four!
46:02We don't fall.
46:04She's got it. She's in the garage.
46:08Mama, I try to hold it for the fucking words of, oh yeah, and now it seems my only chance
46:21is giving up the fight, then how could I ever refuse?
46:27Oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
46:34I was defeating you all the more.
46:39What a load, promise to love you forever, Mom.
46:45What a load, couldn't escape if I wanted to.
46:52What a load, knowing my pains to be here.
46:57What a load of shit that was.
47:04Wow, Kitty.
47:09That was an unimpressive performance of someone who was throwing their guts open on a drip
47:14less than 72 hours ago.
47:16You were a bit shit, but you'll get there.
47:20Six weeks.
47:22It's only a burst.
47:23Would anyone like to hear this song that me and Kitty have been working on?
47:26Oh, yay, I do.
47:28Where is she?
47:29Oh, here she is.
47:37What's this for?
47:38Oh, no, just if after the contest we think we want to carry on and do more stuff, you know.
47:42What are you doing?
47:42Well, our own stuff.
47:45Obviously, we don't have to.
47:46If you just want to do the contest, that's fine.
47:50It's a song about me and Martin, my husband, and the stupid arguments we used to have,
47:55and one particularly stupid and recurring argument that we occasionally indulged in.
48:02Okay, Jess?
48:02Yeah, yeah, sorry, sorry.
48:07Carry on.
48:08Yeah, yeah, sorry.
48:09Hmm.
48:17I used to think your words could hurt me.
48:23We were spiralling and taking chunks out of each other.
48:27But you crossed the line and you lost your wife when you said to me,
48:37you're just like your mother.
48:40One, two, three, four, saying it like it's an insult.
48:45Says more about you than it does about me.
48:48He said, oh, you're just like your mother.
48:51He said, oh, you're just like your mother.
48:54Poor little man, child, forced to suffer because apparently I'm just like my mother.
49:01The joke's on you because you never really knew her.
49:05A rebellious suburban badass bitch who never for a second would have taken your shit.
49:12Saying it like it's an insult.
49:15Says more about you than it does about me.
49:18He said, oh, you're just like your mother.
49:20He said, oh, you're just like your mother.
49:23Poor little man, child, forced to suffocate because apparently I'm just like my mother.
49:31Rainbow with a sparks card.
49:33She's the countdown queen.
49:36Gotta go.
49:38Don't want to miss the Chelsea Flower Show.
49:41He said, oh, you're just like your mother.
49:44He said, oh, you're just like your mother.
49:47Maybe I'm just like my mother.
49:50At least I'm nothing like yours.
49:52He said, oh, you're just like your mother.
49:55He said, oh, you're just like your mother.
49:59Maybe I'm just like my mother.
50:01Yeah.
50:02Fuck you.
50:02I'm just like my mother.
50:04That's exactly what Simon used to say to me.
50:17The one I was married to before this one, you're just like your mother.
50:21Anything, everything I said or did that he didn't like, which was legion.
50:24You're just like your mother.
50:26You never said.
50:26Yeah, well.
50:28Bastard.
50:28You don't like her in your dirty linen, do you?
50:31Idiotic bastard.
50:32I think that's really good.
50:35I mean, it's really good.
50:37When did you write that?
50:39Yesterday.
50:41Well, Kitty did.
50:42No, you wrote the lyrics in the tune, sir.
50:44No, I didn't.
50:45You did.
50:45No, I didn't.
50:46I'm sorry.
50:46I've just got to pop inside.
50:49Just had a text on Miranda.
50:50That was brilliant.
50:51Honestly, it was, it was absolutely...
50:55When was this?
51:10Half an hour ago.
51:11No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
51:41I might pop in and see you tomorrow, bring back some more old bits of uniform and fan in my cupboard.
51:47I hate it without you.
51:49No, you don't.
51:50I do.
51:57I was in the main office yesterday doing the callbacks.
52:01There's no one else around, except Sergeant Arse all off in kitchen.
52:05And then Rudy sneaks up behind me, puts his hands up under my arms like this and goes...
52:12What did you do?
52:15Nothing.
52:16I was like, did that just happen?
52:21And by the time I realised, yeah, it did, he was down the other end of the room playing with photocopier.
52:25Why did you not cut his hands off at the elbow, the rusty fretsaw?
52:29I don't know.
52:31I was all ready for him.
52:33I was going to scream my head off.
52:35I was going to stab him in the thigh with my braddle.
52:37That one I keep on my desk for emergencies, like you told me to.
52:40I just froze.
52:41That again.
52:45You've got to put in a complaint, kid.
52:46Why?
52:47If I can't even deal with a numpty like that without going upstairs squealing to the boss,
52:50I'm not even fit to be in the job, am I?
52:51You are not the problem in this scenario.
52:53He is.
52:56I'm coming in.
52:56I'm going to say something.
52:57Oh, don't.
52:58He's a wanker.
52:59He shouldn't be there.
52:59I'm going to talk to Tony.
53:00Don't.
53:01Do not.
53:01I mean it.
53:02Just...
53:03I was just telling you.
53:07It's just letting off steam.
53:11Don't say ho.
53:12She'll only tell my mum that it's up to her.
53:14Hiya.
53:16What's up?
53:17Oh, work.
53:19Oh.
53:20We're all going for a drink.
53:21OK.
53:24I'll get you one in.
53:26Yeah.
53:29What's going on with Jess?
53:31I don't know.
53:33That kitty's got some pipes on her, hasn't she?
53:36Did she say Eckersley?
53:41She's Keith Eckersley's daughter.
53:43She's been inside twice.
53:45Drugs, assault, you name it.
53:48Wasn't he really...
53:50Oh, complete scum.
53:52But the top echelon of scum.
53:54He still is somewhere.
53:56He ran Bradford for years.
53:57On fear.
53:59People disappeared, including a couple of police officers.
54:02It's never been done for it.
54:06Still, she has got some pipes on her.
54:08I think we need, like...
54:15Yeah, for the new italics.
54:18Yeah, of course.
54:19And them two could do some stuff.
54:21Definitely, definitely.
54:22Yeah, I...
54:23Chris, Jess, Jess, Jess, Jess.
54:24What is going on?
54:28Chloe and the babies.
54:30She picked her up from school yesterday
54:31and they've gone to live with Inez.
54:34More fucking people.
54:36And then they've just been and got all their stuff now.
54:39Just now while we're in the garage.
54:41Inez?
54:41Why Inez?
54:45Oh.
54:47Are they...
54:49Did you know that Chloe was...
54:52was both ways?
54:53Oh, she could be seven fucking ways, for all I care.
54:56Inez!
54:56For fuck's sake!
55:00Sorry.
55:02Who's Inez?
55:03See, this is the sort of thing we should be writing songs about.
55:07Inez aside, I am sorry, Jess.
55:10No.
55:10But Chloe has messed you about for years.
55:13I'm sorry, but it's true.
55:13No, I know, I know, I know.
55:16I should write about this twat at work I'm having trouble with.
55:20What twat at work that you're having trouble with?
55:22Don't tell me.
55:23Write it down.
55:24Write everything down.
55:25And then we can turn it into a song and get Kitty to go and sing it at him.
55:29I could.
55:30I should.
55:33Well.
55:35I'm going to write about this arsehole that's messed me around.
55:38That'd rock the Casbah.
55:39What arsehole?
55:40I should write about Mum.
55:42I went on a right old rollercoaster with her yesterday.
55:45She got a taxi to Sorby Bridge Railway Station in a nightie.
55:48Fuck's sake.
55:50I did send you a text.
55:51I'm sorry.
55:52I shouldn't criticise Chloe.
55:54No, no, no.
55:55You feel free.
55:56I said to her, I said, is there anything more calculated to upset me?
56:02It's right over her head.
56:03You could probably write a song about most kids, though, couldn't you?
56:06Well, I know I could about Tom.
56:08They're coming over for lunch on Sunday, him and Fern.
56:10Because we missed Mother's Day.
56:13Because they were with her mum and dad.
56:16Like they were last year and the year before that.
56:18Well, at least he's coming, though.
56:20Yeah.
56:20Oh, he's a lot better than he used to be, though, Beth.
56:22You know, when he was younger.
56:23Oh, yeah, yeah.
56:25No, he is, he is.
56:26Why?
56:26Was he a little bugger as well?
56:28I think a little bugger might be an understatement.
56:32I used to think it was because he was adopted.
56:35But some of the stuff the kids at my school get up to, you wouldn't believe.
56:38And they weren't adopted.
56:40A lot of them have got issues, but...
56:41Oh, was he adopted, your boy, Beth?
56:43Well, fostered, then adopted.
56:45Well, I think he must be a saint for adopting someone else's unwanted child.
56:49You don't know if he was unwanted.
56:51Sometimes people just can't go up.
56:52How old was he?
56:53Oh, he was a baby.
56:55He was tiny.
56:56Local?
56:57Yes.
56:58Two days old.
56:59We collected him from Calderdale Royal.
57:01Oh, that's where she was.
57:03Oh, Princess Royal, as was.
57:04I think his mum was very young.
57:09You know.
57:10Tragically too young.
57:12How old is he now?
57:1431.
57:15It's a star sign.
57:16Oh, I never know about star signs.
57:19I think he's a Leo.
57:2020th of August, anyway.
57:2220th of August, 1993.
57:25Yeah, he is Leo.
57:26There you go, then.
57:28Stubborn.
57:28Stubborn.
57:29Oh, yeah.
57:30And all the stars were just like little fish.
57:38This is going to go out to me.
57:42Okay, love.
57:43You should learn how to say no.
57:51My life's today.
57:53Yeah.
57:56Mine is forever.
58:02My life's today.
58:04Yeah.
58:05Mine is forever.
58:10When they forget what day you want.
58:13But we'll never want it again.
58:16Go on, take everything.
58:19Take everything I want you to.
58:22Go on, take everything.
58:24Take everything.
58:26Take everything.
58:26I want you to.
58:28Go on, take everything.
58:30Take everything.
58:31I want you to.
58:34Go on, take everything.
58:36Take everything.
58:37Take everything.
58:39Take everything.
58:41Take everything.
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