Riot Women Season 1 Episode 2

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Transcript

00:00To be continued...

00:30Oh

00:40Hello

01:00Oh

01:30Kitty

01:40Hello

01:41I didn't expect you to be up yet. Did you sleep?

01:43I've forgotten your name

01:45Beth

01:46Yeah, we got a bit drunk, didn't we?

01:48Let me get you some breakfast

01:50Can you finish your...

01:52No, no, I've got to go in a minute

01:54Erm, what can I get you?

01:56Coffee?

01:57Alka-Seltzer

01:59You just help yourself to toast, jam, whatever

02:04Did we...

02:06Last night, what did we?

02:08What did we?

02:10Oh, we talked

02:12About music

02:14The band, this band that I'm involved with

02:16And my idea to do something more with it

02:18Something more than silly cover songs

02:20And you seemed keen

02:22Well, more than keen

02:23I am, I am

02:24Erm, I would be

02:26We came up with a whole song

02:28Do you remember?

02:29We were singing it in the car

02:31You with your fantastic voice

02:34And me with my

02:35Not quite so fantastic voice

02:38We didn't have sex or anything?

02:41You and me?

02:42No?

02:47Oh, can you imagine?

02:49No

02:50Anyway, look, we can catch up properly again this evening

02:53If you want to

02:54But you don't have to

02:55But I could cook us a meal or...

02:57Are you vegetarian or anything?

02:59No

03:00No

03:01No, I think you told me that last night

03:03Just help yourself to anything in the fridge

03:06If you go out for a walk

03:08Can you lock up?

03:09Just put the key under the plant pot outside

03:11Outside the back door

03:13Otherwise

03:15Just make yourself at home

03:17Yeah, if you...

03:19If you...

03:20Thanks

03:21Oh no, thank you

03:22It's so exciting

03:25Yeah

03:27Is it?

03:28Shouldn't get too carried away

03:29Early days

03:31I'm usually back about five or six

03:33And you've got my number

03:35It's in your phone

03:37Under Beth

03:38We swapped phone numbers last night

03:39So, erm

03:40Call me

03:41If you need anything at all

03:43But you take it easy

03:45Hey Kitty

03:46You've had a really unpleasant experience

03:48And you need time to recover and sort yourself out

03:52And you do need to see a doctor

03:54Yeah, I know

03:55I will

03:57Thanks

03:59Okay

04:01See you

04:18Hang on Beth

04:19I've got a message to ring you

04:21Bye Benny

04:22Aw

04:24See you

04:25I'm moving

04:26Up

04:27Up

04:28Up

04:29Up

04:30Up

04:31Up

04:32Up

04:33Up

04:34Up

04:35Up

04:36Up

04:37Up

04:38Up

04:40Up

04:41Up

04:43Up

04:44Up

04:45Up

04:46Up

04:47Up

04:48See you later, lads. I love you.

04:50See you.

04:51Did it work?

04:52No, I just wanted to check if you were all right last night.

04:54Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

04:56Sorry, I shouldn't have walked out like that.

04:58Hey, you don't have to apologise, Beth. Not to me.

05:01I'm just sorry Yvonne was such a pain in the bottom.

05:05I mean, I didn't even know she was coming. I don't even know her.

05:08I was just going with the flow. I was just thinking the more the merrier.

05:11Of course, yeah.

05:13So are you still in?

05:14I am definitely still in.

05:16Good. Right, so we're going to meet on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

05:18I figured that would work for you because you said you'd never go out.

05:21And we're going to work on Smoke on the Water,

05:23because I can already do that on the drums.

05:25Waterloo and Layla. How about that?

05:28That's great.

05:29And listen, Holly gave Yvonne a right we were talking to last night

05:32after you'd gone.

05:33And we've decided we're just going to perform

05:35whichever one we're all happiest with on the night.

05:38How about that?

05:39Perfect. That's brilliant.

05:41So, yeah, yeah.

05:42As long as we can all agree, yeah.

05:44The other news, the other news is that I have found us a singer,

05:48a proper singer, someone who can actually fucking,

05:51oh my God, can she sing?

05:53Go on, take everything, take everything, take everything, take everything!

06:05Oh, my God.

06:07You see a show-up on?

06:11Oh, fuck off. You oughta to toss it.

06:12Oh, my God.

06:14You know what?

06:15Yeah.

06:16Oh, my God.

06:18Oh, my God.

06:20Oh, my God.

06:21You see a show-up on?

06:24Oh, fuck off. You oughta to toss that.

06:26Sorry, excuse me. Hello.

06:46You've got an amazing voice.

06:50Can I get you a drink?

06:51What a soda.

06:54You all right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

06:57A diet coat, please.

07:00Do you want to be in a band? You are.

07:02I know this will probably sound crazy, and it's not professional,

07:06there's no money, but me and a friend are trying to put a band together

07:10just for a bit of fun, but we haven't got a singer.

07:13Well, I meet someone who can actually sing.

07:16And it's just for this charity event, and we'd be doing a cover,

07:20and we're no good.

07:22Well, not yet.

07:23But what I was hoping was that eventually

07:26we'd be able to write our own material about things that matter.

07:32You see, we're all women on the wrong side of 50,

07:35and now you're obviously younger than that, but...

07:37I was all the things that matter.

07:40Oh, well...

07:42..in my case, um...

07:47..my husband decided to leave about a year ago,

07:51which was fine, except it wasn't.

07:54Not really.

07:56And then there's my son.

07:58He's married to a very nice girl.

08:01I just don't think I really exist any more.

08:03Not in their world.

08:05Then work's a head fuck.

08:06I'd love to retire,

08:08but there's a thousand reasons why that's not an option.

08:11And then on top of all that, there's the inevitable.

08:14Headaches, nights, sweats,

08:15can't sleep, can't think straight,

08:17can't make a decision without bursting into tears,

08:19which all sounds a bit miserable.

08:22But I had a moment,

08:23and it all became more about anger than misery,

08:28which is why I think punk is the thing.

08:32It's my era.

08:33I grew up in the 70s,

08:35and your voice,

08:37that's a real talent,

08:39to have such raw energy in your voice.

08:44That, I would think, is really rather rare.

08:50It's interesting you should say all that.

08:52I've been having a bit of a shit week myself.

08:56Turns out this fella's been having her on for years,

08:59telling her he can't stand his wife,

09:02and that he's leaving her.

09:03Only she finds out that he's got three weeks holiday booked

09:06in Antigua with his wife.

09:08And their two kids,

09:09where they're going to reaffirm their marriage vows.

09:12So she realises, like a slap in the face,

09:14she was only ever meant to be his bit on the side.

09:17Men are just...

09:18They're just wired wrong, aren't they?

09:20And do you know what?

09:22I don't think they can actually help it.

09:23Don't make excuses for him, for fuck's sake.

09:26Sorry.

09:27And she's got her own very vivid take on things.

09:29And she's really keen.

09:31I mean, to develop songs and stuff.

09:33No, no, no, no way.

09:34Not Waterloo.

09:35No, it's a good song.

09:36It is a good song,

09:37but you wouldn't be doing something like Billie Eilish,

09:39Batgirl, Bikini King...

09:40Alanis Morissette.

09:42Is she perverted like me?

09:45Would she go down on you when I did it?

09:48Oh, there's too many.

09:49And now I'm here...

09:50Oh, it's too hard.

09:51To remind you

09:53Of the mess you left

09:56When you went away

09:57It's not fair

09:59To deny...

10:01Oh, skunkin' Nancy.

10:02As weak as I am

10:04No tears for you

10:07As deep as I am

10:09Oh, no one's full

10:12As weak as I am

10:14Oh, last in a party

10:15And I will fuck you

10:17Like nothing matters

10:19And I will hold you

10:21Like he held me

10:22Can I just take your name and number?

10:24So I can get in touch about rehearsals.

10:27Are you leaving?

10:28I got work in the morning.

10:34Have you literally got nowhere to go?

10:36I used to invent swear words

10:41I am so inglorious

10:44And then, oh, the pitiful, shameful, shitty arguments we used to have

10:50And his favourite line was

10:51I shouldn't criticise him

10:53Because he wasn't the worst husband in the world

10:55Not by any stretch of the imagination

10:58But his favourite line in any argument was always

11:02You're just like your mother

11:04Oh, my God

11:05Which I used to hear as an insult

11:09And then when my mother got dementia

11:11Which I remembered all the thousand and one things I'd learned from her

11:17About life

11:18Across that sea of years when I was growing up

11:21That brilliant, articulate, kind, clever woman that was my mother

11:26And I thought, yes, I am just like my mother

11:29Thank you very much

11:31So fuck you with your below-the-belt shitty insults

11:34You see, I always thought that would make a good song

11:38He said, oh, you're just like your mother

11:41He said, oh, you're just like your mother

11:44He said, oh, you're just like your mother

11:47And he's done nothing like yours

11:50Are you sure I can't make you something to eat?

11:57I don't really do food

11:58Well, cheers

12:01What did you do to your face?

12:05It's been a funny few days

12:07I'm really sorry

12:08Is that your mum?

12:12Yes

12:13Yes

12:14And that's Tom

12:16My son

12:17Oh, and that's his wife

12:20Nice

12:22Have you got children?

12:27No

12:27I'm going to sit there

12:30Yeah, yeah, yeah

12:31Do, do

12:32I hardly ever see him these days

12:35He's happy

12:35He does his own thing

12:37But he doesn't need me anymore

12:39You see, there's another song

12:43There are so many

12:45I should be getting out my new keyboard

12:46I could write a thousand songs about this sweat I've been dealing with

12:50I would help you that

12:52I might damage something

12:53No, no, it's all right

12:55It's all right

12:56What do you do for, you know, money?

13:00Whatever I can

13:01Oh, God, I thought it was an arm there

13:10What did you get for a job?

13:15Like behind the bar?

13:15Yeah, I can possibly give her a few hours

13:17She's a bit rough and ready

13:19But I like her

13:20She makes me smile

13:22She's cheered me up

13:24Yeah

13:25Well, I can have a chat with her

13:26If she can get herself down to the Duke

13:28With a P-45

13:28Right, sweetheart

13:30Yeah

13:31Right, I'm just going to sign us up

13:32To the talent contest

13:33Um

13:34What shall I put down as our name?

13:37Do you not like riot women?

13:39What about hot flush?

13:41Well

13:41I'll put anything

13:43We can always change it later

13:45Right

13:47It's official

14:01It's in ink

14:02What are we?

14:03We're the riot women

14:05It's plough, Manuela

14:16Okay, back in ten

14:20Hey

14:25Hi, Luca

14:26Hey, we've done that project

14:27Gigantly

14:27Brilliant

14:28Hey

14:30Oh, shit

14:32This way

14:33You're still ignoring me, Jessie

14:35I'm here

14:36Sorry, who's talking to me?

14:38It's silly

14:39You're silly

14:40Sorry, I didn't see you there

14:41It's time to be more like the grown-ups

14:43We are in the same business

14:45We should communicate

14:46We should share and tell

14:47Yeah, yeah

14:48Sure, sure

14:48Anytime

14:49Bye

14:49I am prodding you

14:51With my olive stick

14:52Oh, what?

14:53So you're going to call me customers again?

14:55Lovely, thanks

14:55Ta-da

14:56Because we have things in common

14:57Yeah, we don't

14:59Have a nice day

14:59Jessie, come on

15:01This is ancient history

15:03Oh, is it?

15:04Is it really?

15:06What about that time you pranged my fiesta?

15:08Eh?

15:08Not even so much as a sorry

15:09Sorry I've written your car off, Jess

15:11No

15:11Jess, you pranked my truck

15:13You were on your phone

15:15No, no

15:15I was not on my phone

15:16I was not on my phone

15:18That was a lie

15:19You told the insurance company

15:21I'm sorry

15:21I am sorry

15:23You lost

15:24You're not claiming bonds

15:26Yeah, funny

15:27Funny, look, everyone's laughing

15:28And you gave me COVID

15:30Shouting me face with your breath

15:32I was ill in bed for six weeks

15:34And you're just swanning around

15:35Like the arrogant ignorant fucktard that you are

15:37And that's the only reason

15:38The insurance company came down on your side

15:40I was too ill to contest the thing properly

15:42And that's not ancient history

15:43So, yeah

15:44I am ignoring you, actually

15:46Inez

15:47Bye-bye

15:48You make me sad, Jessie

15:51Look, we were friends once

15:54We can be friends again, no?

15:56Jess

15:56Well, boo-hoo

15:58Suck it up

15:59So, playing an electric guitar is different to playing an acoustic guitar

16:07I mean, the chords are all the same

16:09But then there's different stuff

16:10Like, do you know about your power chords?

16:11No

16:11I've not even got a guitar yet

16:13I need to find something I can borrow one of

16:14Will you be playing rhythm or lead?

16:16No idea

16:16So, rhythm guitar is like you're playing chords

16:18Like you're supporting the drummer

16:19Like keeping the beat going

16:21And then lead you're doing like your riffs, your licks, your solo sort of stuff

16:24Okay

16:24You've got an amp?

16:25I haven't got anything

16:27But when you get your guitar, you're going to need to get an amp as well

16:30And then you can start thinking about your pedals, your pedal board

16:34What pedals?

16:35For your different sounds

16:36Joe getting started on his pedals

16:37I mean, you can just plug it straight into an amp if you've got a combo, but that's it

16:41Bit shit

16:42So, you're going to need your overdrive pedal, your reverb pedal, your delay and your distortion

16:46He loves his pedals

16:46You don't need all of them, not to start with, but I'd definitely get like a tube screamer

16:50A banging hangover, a wire pedal, kind of like a crybaby

16:53And a big muff

16:55You'll love it

16:57Honestly, you'll change your life

16:58A big muff?

16:59How?

17:04What's your budget?

17:05I haven't got one

17:06I told you, it'll all be over in a few show weeks, I'm not spending any money

17:09What are you doing?

17:25I'm asleep

17:25It's not that loud

17:27Well, go do it somewhere else

17:28What, in me other house?

17:29Well, I would, only, oh yeah, I haven't got one

17:31I meant in the shed

17:32It's ten to eleven, I've retired, this is my new hobby

17:35You can't be serious

17:36You know now about it

17:38Yet, I soon will

17:40What time does your shift start?

17:42Twelve

17:42Right, well, you have to be up anyway then, don't you?

17:44Yeah, well, I could have had another ten minutes

17:46Yes?

17:52Holly?

17:52Yes

17:53Fucking ridiculous

17:54You're fucking ridiculous

17:55It's Rudy

17:56Rudy, what's happening?

17:59Well, I'm with a lady and I'm thinking it's your mum

18:02I've got nothing to do with you, where I'm going

18:05God alone knows why you've called the police

18:07She's sat waiting for a train at Sorby Bridge railway station in her dressing gown and slippers

18:12Oh my God, how's she got there?

18:16Er, taxi

18:17Any road

18:18The driver wasn't sure he should be leaving her on her own

18:21So he's rung three nines and, er, well, I've found your contacts in her purse

18:25It's a bugger if you can't set off for the day without being reported to the police

18:44You're in your nightclothes, he was worried about you

18:46Oh, get with it

18:48Everyone goes out in the pyjamas these days

18:51You've never been to Lidl

18:52I'll go after me birthday suit next time

18:55Then he'll have something to say

18:57Well, it'll be contrary to section 66 of the sexual offences, Aunt, but you crack on

19:01Oh, now I'm a sex offender

19:04That's new

19:05In

19:06Oh, was a clever answer

19:08What you been up to now, Nancy?

19:10Often a little odyssey was here

19:11Oh, God almighty

19:13She's here

19:15Let's go

19:15No, Mum

19:16No, hi, Veronica

19:17Where was you heading for, eh? Lanzarote? Bill Sunshine?

19:20She just talks rubbish

19:22How's yourself, Ollie?

19:23Yeah

19:23Good, good, thanks

19:24Doesn't look like she's taking her meds again

19:26You're gonna take your pills for me, Nancy

19:28Can you tell her to fuck off? She doesn't listen when I say it

19:32No, we don't use language like that, not to a house professional

19:34Professional? This one? She wipes her arse on the curtains

19:38Well, where have you got them from? You can't say that

19:42Oh, bless her

19:42You see, this is what happens when you skip your meds, Nancy

19:45You start using naughty words

19:46Naughty words?

19:48Does she think I'm six?

19:49You do, you get your potty mouth on

19:50You can go now, because Holly's here

19:52I'm sorry, I am sorry

19:54Are you all right? She loves me, really

19:55Oh, and the rest

19:57Do you want some tea?

19:59Oh, and there's some nice biscuits somewhere

20:02Not them she brings

20:03See, they'll be worried about where I am

20:20That's all I was thinking

20:23Who?

20:26My mum and dad

20:27You know, they've not seen me for weeks

20:33Months

20:35I can't remember the last time I was there

20:40Could you not drive me over?

20:48That they're not there anymore

20:50Aren't they?

20:54You all left Hull in 1941

20:58After the bombing

21:00When you were nine

21:01Did we?

21:07Where are they then?

21:21They're dead

21:22Yeah, yeah

21:25They're dead

21:29Are both of them?

21:35Yeah

21:36They've been dead a while now

21:38They were very old

21:40They

21:40They had a nice life

21:42A good life

21:43Always

21:44Smiling and

21:45Laughing

21:46And full of fun

21:47Does our Colin know?

21:54Yeah

21:55He

21:56Uncle Colin

21:59He

21:59He knew

22:00Let me clean your glasses

22:10Aye

22:13You can do

22:15I can't see through them

22:21Either way

22:22Oh, shut me up if I've said it before

22:27You've said it before

22:28No one could have been kinder to her than me when she came here

22:32I gave her a job

22:33I gave her a roof overhead

22:34That's practically a mother to her

22:35And then she goes and opens that wine bar behind me back

22:38Oh yeah

22:39All done and dusted

22:40And after she's learnt everything there is to know about the business

22:43Not just about the business

22:44But the business in this town

22:46Off me

22:47Antec saw me regulars off me

22:49Overnight I had an empty pub

22:50Had to build it all up again from nothing

22:52And I did

22:53Anyway

22:54I won't go on again about the fucking Spanish bitch

22:58She's Catalonian

22:59I know where she's from

23:01Shouldn't you be practising your drums, Mama

23:03If you're not going to make a top dick of yourself in a few weeks

23:06You see, I'm just not like that

23:07Unscrupulous

23:09Devious

23:10Underhand

23:10Manipulative

23:11Sneaky

23:12I've never been like that

23:13A liar

23:14And so you see

23:15I don't always see it in other people

23:17Then of course it's always a shock when other people do behave like that

23:19Oh for God's sake, Mother

23:20Will you have a day off?

23:22Always complaining about people

23:23Always finding fault in everybody

23:25You're not perfect yourself

23:27Are you seeing Bruno again?

23:32Bruno?

23:33What are you on about?

23:34All this sneaking about

23:36Do you think I'm thick?

23:37Charting yourself up not to learn anyone where you're going

23:39Oh God

23:41If you're seeing that abusive little

23:44I haven't got words bad enough for him

23:47If you're seeing him again, you want your head examined later

23:49Why would I be seeing him?

23:51Well, I don't know

23:52Something's going on that you're not telling us about

23:54She's seeing Inez

23:56What?

24:02What did you say?

24:02What did you say, Mary?

24:04No, I'm not

24:05Well, what is she saying it for?

24:06Well, because she's off a jump

24:07She's senile

24:08She's away with the trolls

24:09I don't know

24:10Are you protesting too much?

24:12No

24:12Well, why are you going red?

24:13I'm not

24:14Jesus, itch

24:15Dude, I can see you alike, you know

24:18All right?

24:19As long as it's not someone that's going to hurt you again

24:21Like he did

24:22Yeah, well then

24:22Well then

24:23Well then

24:23Well then, so why is it a secret?

24:26Chloe

24:26Because I know you don't like her

24:28Who?

24:28Inez

24:29Hi, girls

24:33Oh, Gerry's here now with the beer

24:35Geriatric

24:36You know where everything goes

24:39Chloe, get back here

24:41You all right, Mary?

24:42Yeah, I'm good

24:43Thanks, Gerry

24:44Are you lying?

24:45I'm minding my own business

24:47If this is true

24:49You better think long and hard about what you want out of it

24:52Because that's it as far as I'm concerned

24:54Why?

24:55All the things I've done for you

24:57All the rubbish I've put up with over the years

24:59Rescuing you

25:00From one bad idea after another

25:02All the jibes and insults and geriatric

25:04And now this

25:05I can't even process it

25:08We don't have to because it's none of your business

25:11Is there anything more calculated to upset me?

25:13I can't begin to imagine

25:14Always, always

25:15It's always about you

25:17And you're not even like that

25:18Right, well, I am

25:19So

25:19Oh, right, so is that why you've got three kids to two different fellas?

25:22Oh, I'm not even getting into

25:23Inez

25:23Of all people

25:24Of course it's Inez

25:26Obviously, it's Inez

25:27What could be worse than that poisonous little Tossa Bruno?

25:30Only you could aim so high

25:32Oh, my God

25:33Oh, my God, I think I'm having a heart attack

25:35I think I'm having a stroke

25:36Better have a lie down then

25:37If you think for one minute

25:39For one fraction of a split second

25:41That I am child-minding

25:43And babysitting

25:44And taking people to school

25:45And on holiday

25:45And everything else to do for you

25:47While you go doing what

25:48Whatever it is you're doing with that bitch

25:51I don't think anything

25:53I don't expect anything from you

25:56Because all you want to do

25:57Is show off what a wonderful granny you are

26:00And what a useless parent I am

26:03Well, you know, if the cat fits

26:04All right

26:05Fuck you

26:07I'm off

26:08And I'm taking Bronte with me

26:10Where?

26:12Where?

26:13And for your information

26:14We was at it when she lived here

26:15Before I even went out with Bruno

26:17Before Bronte were born

26:19And if you hadn't kicked up such a fuss

26:22And made life so hard for everybody

26:24When my dad left

26:24We'd have probably got it together then

26:26And I never would have been involved

26:28With bloody Bruno

26:29And I don't suppose it's ever occurred to you

26:31That I was basically having a breakdown

26:35When your dad left

26:36Oh, me, me, me, me

26:38She's having you on

26:40She isn't

26:41She is

26:41You forget I know her

26:43You don't know her

26:44You think you do

26:46But you don't

26:46Because you

26:47Are blind

26:49It's all twisted in your mind

26:51All the truth about what happened

26:53With me bloody dad

26:55And I'm out of here

26:57And you won't be seeing

26:58None of these kids for dust

27:00Ever

27:00Again

27:28I'm out of here

27:30And I'm out of here

27:31And you'll be seeing

27:33Your soul

27:34And you'll be seeing

27:34People

27:34In the

27:55I don't know.

28:25I don't know.

28:55I don't know.

29:25I don't know.

29:27I don't know.

29:29I don't know.

29:31I don't know.

29:33I don't know.

29:35I don't know.

29:37I don't know.

29:39I don't know.

29:41I don't know.

29:43I don't know.

29:45I don't know.

29:47I don't know.

29:49I don't know.

29:51I don't know.

29:53I don't know.

29:55I don't know.

29:57I don't know.

29:59I don't know.

30:01I don't know.

30:03I don't know.

30:05I don't know.

30:07I don't know.

30:09I don't know.

30:11I don't know.

30:13I don't know.

30:15I don't know.

30:17I don't know.

30:19I don't know.

30:21I don't know.

30:23I don't know.

30:25I don't know.

30:27I don't know.

30:29I don't know.

30:45Oh, my God.

30:59Take everything.

31:01Take everything.

31:03Take everything.

31:05I want you to go on.

31:08Take everything.

31:12Hello?

31:13Tom?

31:14Oh, my.

31:15You busy?

31:16No, I'm not.

31:17I'm just driving home from work.

31:18So, you know what I said yesterday about coming over to see you and changing the day?

31:22I do, yeah.

31:24Well, the thing is, what are you doing this Sunday?

31:27Because me and Fern were going to Liverpool to see my mate Toby.

31:31But he's blown us out because he's got Covid.

31:33Oh, dear.

31:34Is he all right?

31:35No, the twat is in bed.

31:37Well, that's fantastic.

31:40Shall I make us some lunch?

31:41If you like.

31:42Oh, well, you could take me out, seeing as it was meant to be for Mother's Day.

31:46Yeah, but if you're making lunch anyway.

31:48Well, I wasn't, but that'll be lovely though.

31:50Sunday lunch at home with you.

31:53And this is definite.

31:55You're not going to blow me out if you get a better offer, are you?

31:58Of course not.

31:59Right.

32:00OK, well, I'll be very happy to see you.

32:03All right.

32:04Love you.

32:05See you later.

32:06Bye.

32:07Bye.

32:08Love you.

32:09Bye.

32:10Bye.

32:41Hi.

32:43Hi.

32:44I'm still here.

32:45Good.

32:46Have you had a good day?

32:48Yes, actually.

32:49Really not too bad.

32:50What about you?

32:51Listen to this.

32:52I'm going to do it on this because I can't work out loud pedal on that.

32:57Listen to this. I'm going to do it on this, because I can't work out loud pedal on that.

33:11I used to think your words could hurt me.

33:16We were spiralling and taking chunks out of each other.

33:21But you crossed the line and you lost your wife when you said to me, you're just like your mother.

33:35Saying it like it's an insult says more about you than it does about me.

33:42He said, oh, you're just like your mother. He said, oh, you're just like your mother.

33:47Poor little man-child forced to suffer, because apparently I'm just like my mother.

33:54The joke's on you, because you never really knew her.

33:59A rebellious suburban badass bitch who never for a second would have taken your shit.

34:06Saying it like it's an insult says more about you than it does about me.

34:11He said, oh, you're just like your mother. He said, oh, you're just like your mother.

34:18Poor little man-child forced to suffer, because apparently I'm just like your mother.

34:25That's as far as I've got.

34:26Oh, Kitty, that is wonderful.

34:29Do you not like it?

34:29No, I do very much.

34:31Are you laughing?

34:31No, it's really good.

34:33I'm smiling.

34:34You think it was shit?

34:35Not remotely, but did you not like the Rebel with the Sparks card line?

34:38She's the countdown queen.

34:39Yeah, I just, I haven't got it in there yet, but I will.

34:42And you can play?

34:43Oh, I flicked through the manual.

34:44Oh, come on.

34:45I did GCSE music.

34:47You never said.

34:48I forgot.

34:49I wanted to get out of hockey, but yeah, and I had keyboard lessons for a couple of years,

34:53so hardly anyone did music O-level at my school.

34:56And I went to a grammar school.

34:57Well, you're assuming I went to Shit Street High, which I did to start with,

35:00but then we were 13.

35:02I got sent to this posh private school in North Yorkshire, only I got expelled.

35:09Did you really?

35:10Eventually, for dealing in illegal substances, yeah?

35:13No, I mean, did you really go to...

35:14Oh, my dad made a lot of money one way or another, plus he couldn't stand the sight of me,

35:17so it was no-brainer to shell out some notes and just dump me in some smart arse school.

35:24My mum had died, so yeah, it was just a nuisance as far as he was concerned, so.

35:30I'm sorry.

35:31I know, it was an education and all sorts of things, except, you know, education.

35:38No, I mean about your mum.

35:44Well, I am very impressed.

35:47I've made spaghetti bolognese.

35:51Have you?

35:51Well, I've made something.

35:53Is...

35:54Is that OK?

35:55Yes!

35:56Yes!

35:57It's a treat for me, coming home to a cooked meal.

36:01I was worried you might have left.

36:02I was worried you might have suddenly got it into your head that I was some kind of weirdo and cleared off.

36:06Well, it did occur to me you might be a serial killer.

36:08Did it?

36:09Hmm, I'm not.

36:11Well, I would say that, wouldn't I?

36:13I'm not either.

36:14I have got many and varied faults, but that's not one of them.

36:16I'm going to come and get changed, and then would you?

36:18Want to sing it again?

36:19Oh, if you can stand it.

36:20Oh, I'm so excited.

36:22Oh, my God, you have written a song.

36:24Half a song?

36:25They were your words, and I feel it was your tune.

36:27No, no, you came up with the tune.

36:29Did I?

36:29Well, one of us did.

36:34I'll open a bottle of wine.

36:35I'll put spaghetti on.

36:36Oh, my son and his wife are going to come over for lunch on Sunday, and if you're still here, which you probably won't be, because you probably will have found somewhere of your own with your own friends by then.

37:00But if you are here...

37:01I'll make myself guess.

37:03No, I mean you'd be welcome to join us.

37:06Oh.

37:08Sure, thanks.

37:09And I need to give you the number of my surgery.

37:12Oh, and I spoke to my friend Jess this morning, and if you need any work, just to tide you over, she said she might be able to offer you something behind the bar.

37:21She owns a pub in Hebden.

37:23The Duke.

37:23Do you know it?

37:25Okay.

37:26Thanks.

37:53Bye.

38:13Bye.

38:14Bye.

38:19Bye.

38:22Bye.

38:23Bye.

38:23Apparently just

38:53This is West Yorkshire Adoption Services.

38:57Our lines are currently closed.

38:59Please call back between the hours of 9am...

39:08Rebel with a Sparks card

39:10She's the Countdown Queen

39:13Gotta go

39:15This is Kitty.

39:18Kitty Eckersley.

39:20And this is Holly and...

39:22Nisha.

39:23Nisha.

39:24And Cam.

39:25Cam.

39:26Hiya.

39:27Oh, and Yvonne.

39:28How do?

39:29Hello.

39:30Hiya.

39:31Hi.

39:32Where's Jess?

39:34I'm here.

39:35I'm here.

39:36Sorry, sorry, sorry.

39:38Can't find the lead for this bloody karaoke speaker.

39:41Just trying to do a thousand things at once.

39:43You alright?

39:44Yeah, yeah.

39:46Oh, is this Kitty?

39:48Hello, I'm Jess.

39:50What have you done to your mouth, love?

39:51Cut myself shaving.

39:53Ah!

39:54Ah!

39:55Ah, you fucker!

39:57I was telling Jess on the phone, Kitty has got the most amazing singing voice.

40:02And are you alright now then, Beth?

40:04Don't start.

40:05I wasn't.

40:06I was being nice.

40:07Yes.

40:08Thank you, Yvonne.

40:09What are we going to do first?

40:10Can we do Waterloo first?

40:11Because you're the only one I've got a remote chance of getting through.

40:14Yeah, and we've been working on our moves to Waterloo, so...

40:17Lovely.

40:18Great.

40:19Plus, also me and Beth have been working on this other song for the last two days.

40:21Want to add that to the mix of stuff we might end up doing at this talent show as well, so...

40:26Yeah, we could sing it for you, and then if you like it, maybe we could all work on it.

40:31Yeah.

40:32Sure.

40:33Right.

40:34So, hang on.

40:35Do you all know how to get plugged in and tuned up?

40:37Well, we'll find out, won't we?

40:38Sorry, how do you two know each other?

40:39Oh, we don't.

40:40Not really.

40:41I heard Kitty singing in a bar the other night after I left here and I couldn't believe it.

40:46She sounded so...

40:49Gets you.

40:50Right here.

40:51So I asked her to join us.

40:53I need to get my keyboard out the car.

40:55Do you want a hand, Beth?

40:57Oh, thank you, Cam.

40:58You alright?

40:59Be alright.

41:00Hmm.

41:11Have we got microphones?

41:12Yeah, we've got microphones, Jess.

41:13Yes, that's what I'm doing now.

41:15Miranda says that karaoke amp should work perfectly well for what we need.

41:18Yeah.

41:19Er...

41:21Right.

41:22Er...

41:23There's some microphone stands somewhere.

41:25It's alright, Nisha, do you mind just going next door and asking Miranda where they are?

41:28John!

41:29Where'd you get all that from?

41:30Oh, people are so pathetically grateful when you deliver their babies for them without damaging

41:44them.

41:45Nearly makes up for the stupid hours we have to work and not getting paid properly.

41:48It's only borrowed.

41:49You can stop turning green.

41:50Right, so is everybody ready?

41:51Yeah.

41:52Woo!

41:53Ready.

41:54Okay.

41:55On the count of four then, yeah?

41:56Mm-hmm.

41:57Okay.

41:58And...

41:59One, two, three, four.

42:00Sorry, that was me.

42:01Sorry, that was shaking.

42:02Let's just go again.

42:03Go again.

42:04Straight away.

42:05Come on, Jess.

42:06One, two, three...

42:07Hang on, hang on.

42:08Right, okay.

42:09Are we ready?

42:10Yep.

42:11One, two, three, four.

42:42Two is my destiny in quite a similar way.

42:44The history book on the shelf is always repeating itself.

42:49Whoa!

42:50Hип.

42:51Don't lose.

42:52Tell us what happened!

42:53And Holy again.

42:54I was defeated, right? Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

43:00Push that beat, love. That is too slow.

43:03There's no energy holding Beth back.

43:04I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

43:08I was worried about you, Holly, actually. I thought I was rushing you.

43:11I'm sorry. This is hard. This is difficult. I've never done this before.

43:14Yeah, mate, well, we could... Jess, are you all right?

43:17Yeah. Right, OK, well, maybe we'll just play it through once,

43:20no matter how bad or slow we're out of time,

43:22and then we unpick it afterwards, yeah?

43:24Yeah, oh, you two could play at the proper speed,

43:26cos you know what you're doing.

43:28And you two just... just do what you can.

43:31If you get lost or whatever, just come back in when you can, all right,

43:34cos they can keep it going.

43:35Is that how you're gonna sing it?

43:37Are you, er... are you talking to me?

43:40Well, it was aggressive. It was verging on nasty.

43:42It's not that sort of song.

43:44Well, that's my shtick, baby. It's the mood I'm in.

43:48If you want Saka in, you're looking at the wrong chick dudes.

43:51Seriously.

43:53Yeah.

43:55I think you sang the wrong words there, Kitty.

43:58It's...

43:59Waterloo, how would you feel if you won the war?

44:02No...

44:03Well, you sang something different.

44:08Waterloo, I was defeated, you won the war.

44:11Oh!

44:11Wow, OK, who knew?

44:13Fair play.

44:15I prefer your version, though. It's less meh.

44:17Like handing everything to the garner plate.

44:18Do you like our moves, Kitty?

44:21I didn't see them, love. I wasn't looking at you.

44:23Oh.

44:25Sorry.

44:26I'll look out for them next time.

44:27Oh, I forgot to say, there's a couple of little saxophone solos in the chorus.

44:30One after war.

44:31Oh, I was defeated, you won the war.

44:36That's it.

44:37And couldn't escape if I wanted to.

44:39We thought that you could do them on that, if you feel up to it at some point in the future.

44:43Who did?

44:44Well, me and Beth did.

44:45When we were driving over earlier, listening to it.

44:49Do you know which bit I mean?

44:50Yeah.

44:51Yeah.

44:55Maybe not today, but, you know, eventually.

44:57Going to count us in again, then just a go!

44:59Right.

45:00Is everyone ready?

45:01We are.

45:01Yes.

45:01Right, here we go.

45:03One, two, three, four!

45:04One, two, three, four!

45:34One, two, three, four!

46:02We don't fall.

46:04She's got it. She's in the garage.

46:08Mama, I try to hold it for the fucking words of, oh yeah, and now it seems my only chance

46:21is giving up the fight, then how could I ever refuse?

46:27Oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

46:34I was defeating you all the more.

46:39What a load, promise to love you forever, Mom.

46:45What a load, couldn't escape if I wanted to.

46:52What a load, knowing my pains to be here.

46:57What a load of shit that was.

47:04Wow, Kitty.

47:09That was an unimpressive performance of someone who was throwing their guts open on a drip

47:14less than 72 hours ago.

47:16You were a bit shit, but you'll get there.

47:20Six weeks.

47:22It's only a burst.

47:23Would anyone like to hear this song that me and Kitty have been working on?

47:26Oh, yay, I do.

47:28Where is she?

47:29Oh, here she is.

47:37What's this for?

47:38Oh, no, just if after the contest we think we want to carry on and do more stuff, you know.

47:42What are you doing?

47:42Well, our own stuff.

47:45Obviously, we don't have to.

47:46If you just want to do the contest, that's fine.

47:50It's a song about me and Martin, my husband, and the stupid arguments we used to have,

47:55and one particularly stupid and recurring argument that we occasionally indulged in.

48:02Okay, Jess?

48:02Yeah, yeah, sorry, sorry.

48:07Carry on.

48:08Yeah, yeah, sorry.

48:09Hmm.

48:17I used to think your words could hurt me.

48:23We were spiralling and taking chunks out of each other.

48:27But you crossed the line and you lost your wife when you said to me,

48:37you're just like your mother.

48:40One, two, three, four, saying it like it's an insult.

48:45Says more about you than it does about me.

48:48He said, oh, you're just like your mother.

48:51He said, oh, you're just like your mother.

48:54Poor little man, child, forced to suffer because apparently I'm just like my mother.

49:01The joke's on you because you never really knew her.

49:05A rebellious suburban badass bitch who never for a second would have taken your shit.

49:12Saying it like it's an insult.

49:15Says more about you than it does about me.

49:18He said, oh, you're just like your mother.

49:20He said, oh, you're just like your mother.

49:23Poor little man, child, forced to suffocate because apparently I'm just like my mother.

49:31Rainbow with a sparks card.

49:33She's the countdown queen.

49:36Gotta go.

49:38Don't want to miss the Chelsea Flower Show.

49:41He said, oh, you're just like your mother.

49:44He said, oh, you're just like your mother.

49:47Maybe I'm just like my mother.

49:50At least I'm nothing like yours.

49:52He said, oh, you're just like your mother.

49:55He said, oh, you're just like your mother.

49:59Maybe I'm just like my mother.

50:01Yeah.

50:02Fuck you.

50:02I'm just like my mother.

50:04That's exactly what Simon used to say to me.

50:17The one I was married to before this one, you're just like your mother.

50:21Anything, everything I said or did that he didn't like, which was legion.

50:24You're just like your mother.

50:26You never said.

50:26Yeah, well.

50:28Bastard.

50:28You don't like her in your dirty linen, do you?

50:31Idiotic bastard.

50:32I think that's really good.

50:35I mean, it's really good.

50:37When did you write that?

50:39Yesterday.

50:41Well, Kitty did.

50:42No, you wrote the lyrics in the tune, sir.

50:44No, I didn't.

50:45You did.

50:45No, I didn't.

50:46I'm sorry.

50:46I've just got to pop inside.

50:49Just had a text on Miranda.

50:50That was brilliant.

50:51Honestly, it was, it was absolutely...

50:55When was this?

51:10Half an hour ago.

51:11No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

51:41I might pop in and see you tomorrow, bring back some more old bits of uniform and fan in my cupboard.

51:47I hate it without you.

51:49No, you don't.

51:50I do.

51:57I was in the main office yesterday doing the callbacks.

52:01There's no one else around, except Sergeant Arse all off in kitchen.

52:05And then Rudy sneaks up behind me, puts his hands up under my arms like this and goes...

52:12What did you do?

52:15Nothing.

52:16I was like, did that just happen?

52:21And by the time I realised, yeah, it did, he was down the other end of the room playing with photocopier.

52:25Why did you not cut his hands off at the elbow, the rusty fretsaw?

52:29I don't know.

52:31I was all ready for him.

52:33I was going to scream my head off.

52:35I was going to stab him in the thigh with my braddle.

52:37That one I keep on my desk for emergencies, like you told me to.

52:40I just froze.

52:41That again.

52:45You've got to put in a complaint, kid.

52:46Why?

52:47If I can't even deal with a numpty like that without going upstairs squealing to the boss,

52:50I'm not even fit to be in the job, am I?

52:51You are not the problem in this scenario.

52:53He is.

52:56I'm coming in.

52:56I'm going to say something.

52:57Oh, don't.

52:58He's a wanker.

52:59He shouldn't be there.

52:59I'm going to talk to Tony.

53:00Don't.

53:01Do not.

53:01I mean it.

53:02Just...

53:03I was just telling you.

53:07It's just letting off steam.

53:11Don't say ho.

53:12She'll only tell my mum that it's up to her.

53:14Hiya.

53:16What's up?

53:17Oh, work.

53:19Oh.

53:20We're all going for a drink.

53:21OK.

53:24I'll get you one in.

53:26Yeah.

53:29What's going on with Jess?

53:31I don't know.

53:33That kitty's got some pipes on her, hasn't she?

53:36Did she say Eckersley?

53:41She's Keith Eckersley's daughter.

53:43She's been inside twice.

53:45Drugs, assault, you name it.

53:48Wasn't he really...

53:50Oh, complete scum.

53:52But the top echelon of scum.

53:54He still is somewhere.

53:56He ran Bradford for years.

53:57On fear.

53:59People disappeared, including a couple of police officers.

54:02It's never been done for it.

54:06Still, she has got some pipes on her.

54:08I think we need, like...

54:15Yeah, for the new italics.

54:18Yeah, of course.

54:19And them two could do some stuff.

54:21Definitely, definitely.

54:22Yeah, I...

54:23Chris, Jess, Jess, Jess, Jess.

54:24What is going on?

54:28Chloe and the babies.

54:30She picked her up from school yesterday

54:31and they've gone to live with Inez.

54:34More fucking people.

54:36And then they've just been and got all their stuff now.

54:39Just now while we're in the garage.

54:41Inez?

54:41Why Inez?

54:45Oh.

54:47Are they...

54:49Did you know that Chloe was...

54:52was both ways?

54:53Oh, she could be seven fucking ways, for all I care.

54:56Inez!

54:56For fuck's sake!

55:00Sorry.

55:02Who's Inez?

55:03See, this is the sort of thing we should be writing songs about.

55:07Inez aside, I am sorry, Jess.

55:10No.

55:10But Chloe has messed you about for years.

55:13I'm sorry, but it's true.

55:13No, I know, I know, I know.

55:16I should write about this twat at work I'm having trouble with.

55:20What twat at work that you're having trouble with?

55:22Don't tell me.

55:23Write it down.

55:24Write everything down.

55:25And then we can turn it into a song and get Kitty to go and sing it at him.

55:29I could.

55:30I should.

55:33Well.

55:35I'm going to write about this arsehole that's messed me around.

55:38That'd rock the Casbah.

55:39What arsehole?

55:40I should write about Mum.

55:42I went on a right old rollercoaster with her yesterday.

55:45She got a taxi to Sorby Bridge Railway Station in a nightie.

55:48Fuck's sake.

55:50I did send you a text.

55:51I'm sorry.

55:52I shouldn't criticise Chloe.

55:54No, no, no.

55:55You feel free.

55:56I said to her, I said, is there anything more calculated to upset me?

56:02It's right over her head.

56:03You could probably write a song about most kids, though, couldn't you?

56:06Well, I know I could about Tom.

56:08They're coming over for lunch on Sunday, him and Fern.

56:10Because we missed Mother's Day.

56:13Because they were with her mum and dad.

56:16Like they were last year and the year before that.

56:18Well, at least he's coming, though.

56:20Yeah.

56:20Oh, he's a lot better than he used to be, though, Beth.

56:22You know, when he was younger.

56:23Oh, yeah, yeah.

56:25No, he is, he is.

56:26Why?

56:26Was he a little bugger as well?

56:28I think a little bugger might be an understatement.

56:32I used to think it was because he was adopted.

56:35But some of the stuff the kids at my school get up to, you wouldn't believe.

56:38And they weren't adopted.

56:40A lot of them have got issues, but...

56:41Oh, was he adopted, your boy, Beth?

56:43Well, fostered, then adopted.

56:45Well, I think he must be a saint for adopting someone else's unwanted child.

56:49You don't know if he was unwanted.

56:51Sometimes people just can't go up.

56:52How old was he?

56:53Oh, he was a baby.

56:55He was tiny.

56:56Local?

56:57Yes.

56:58Two days old.

56:59We collected him from Calderdale Royal.

57:01Oh, that's where she was.

57:03Oh, Princess Royal, as was.

57:04I think his mum was very young.

57:09You know.

57:10Tragically too young.

57:12How old is he now?

57:1431.

57:15It's a star sign.

57:16Oh, I never know about star signs.

57:19I think he's a Leo.

57:2020th of August, anyway.

57:2220th of August, 1993.

57:25Yeah, he is Leo.

57:26There you go, then.

57:28Stubborn.

57:29Oh, yeah.

57:30And all the stars were just like little fish.

57:38This is going to go out to me.

57:42Okay, love.

57:43You should learn how to say no.

57:51My life's today.

57:53Yeah.

57:56Mine is forever.

58:02My life's today.

58:04Yeah.

58:05Mine is forever.

58:10When they forget what day you want.

58:13But we'll never want it again.

58:16Go on, take everything.

58:19Take everything I want you to.

58:22Go on, take everything.

58:24Take everything.

58:26Take everything.

58:26I want you to.

58:28Go on, take everything.

58:30Take everything.

58:31I want you to.

58:34Go on, take everything.

58:36Take everything.

58:37Take everything.

58:39Take everything.

58:41Take everything.

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