Whoopi: Identity Crisis😂part1/2

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00:00Oh, please, I'm eating.

00:08Can't we go half an hour without talking about Mavis?

00:10I'm just saying, every time I chat it.

00:14Hey, Soph.

00:15Hey.

00:16I need a cup of coffee.

00:17Mm-hmm.

00:17I need a BLT and a bear claw.

00:19Hold the hair.

00:22Credit card?

00:23Yeah, girl, I'm saving up for my points.

00:25Mavis, it's $4.20.

00:27I know, but every point counts, girl.

00:29That's what I'm talking about, you know?

00:31Uh-huh.

00:32Hey, what are you guys doing here?

00:35Oh, girl, we always come here to get our eat on.

00:39Oh, well, how come y'all never invite me?

00:42You know, I like to eat, too.

00:44I guess y'all don't like me no more, huh?

00:45Don't be ridiculous.

00:46No, Mavis, we like you.

00:48We don't like eating with you.

00:50You always sample.

00:52Sample?

00:53Mavis, you're always picking off people's plates.

00:56You've done it since we were children.

00:57Fair.

00:57I said it.

01:00For your information, it's only leftovers after I've finished eating.

01:04Now, please-

01:04Hey, Mavis!

01:07You know what?

01:08You are the biggest baby.

01:09Sophia, will you put the big baby's food on my bill, please?

01:14Feel better?

01:15No.

01:16Mavis, we can't allow you to do that.

01:18Hey, speak for yourself.

01:20You had coffee and toast, but those of us who ordered the meaty, meaty meat flatter would appreciate it.

01:26Mavis, your money's no good here.

01:30You see, now this is a friend.

01:32I understand that, Sophia, but you know what?

01:34I want to pay.

01:35And I want you to, but your money's no good.

01:37Your card's been declined.

01:38No, no, run it again.

01:42I ran it twice.

01:43They're not taking it.

01:44Well, there must be something wrong with it.

01:45Here, give it to me.

01:46Actually, I'm supposed to cut it up while you watch.

01:49No.

01:49Yeah, I'm gonna.

01:50No, you better not.

01:51You better not.

01:51I'm gonna, look.

01:52Look, I'm getting out of my car.

01:53I'm getting out of my car.

01:55Marei, that's all right.

01:57I got your back, girl.

01:58Don't sweat that.

02:00Thank you, Rita.

02:01Now, please, give me back my bacon.

02:05You want your bacon back?

02:06Yes, please.

02:07Oh, man.

02:11Bon appetit.

02:12Inez, listen, I'm on the phone with the bank.

02:28If they pick up, signal me immediately.

02:31Mavis, it's only breakfast.

02:33It's on me.

02:34Listen, I said I was gonna pick up breakfast.

02:37I'm gonna do it.

02:38Thank you for breakfast, darling.

02:39I'm so generous.

02:42And we all know how cheap talk is.

02:46You know what?

02:48She did not pay for breakfast.

02:50I paid for breakfast.

02:51But you're getting a little uppity, Chalupa.

02:55I'd watch my Swiffer if I was you.

03:02That's a lot of nonsense.

03:04I could see your pen.

03:08John Stossel always says protect your pen.

03:10John Stossel can bite me.

03:14Okay?

03:15Now, see, look at this.

03:16This is not possible that there's no money in here.

03:18Something's wrong.

03:20Let me try.

03:21I'm gonna try mine.

03:22Okay.

03:24Well, which way you want to go?

03:25Go ahead.

03:25All right.

03:26You better get those things off my keypad.

03:40Other people have to use that machine, girl.

03:45See how it hooked me up?

03:48Well, if you rubbed your pens on top of my head,

03:50I'd give you $40, too.

03:52Move.

04:00My friend cut up my credit card.

04:01And then I went to the ATM machine,

04:03and it said I didn't have any money left.

04:05And I know that wasn't possible,

04:06because I keep track of my money.

04:08I'm very good that way.

04:09You know, I get headaches, girl.

04:14It's so bad.

04:15Let me just turn this off for me.

04:17You know?

04:18Of course.

04:19Oh, I have your records here.

04:21It seems you've made quite a few major purchases lately.

04:24No, I haven't.

04:25But it says here you have.

04:26But I have not.

04:27I have not.

04:29Uh, Ms. Wright, your bank account is empty,

04:31and you've maxed out your personal line of credit.

04:33I don't have a personal line of credit.

04:35It says here you do.

04:36Janice?

04:37Can I call you Bitch Janice?

04:38I don't have a personal line of credit.

04:45Uh, Ms. Wright, there's a possibility

04:46that you may have been compromised.

04:48Well, of course I've been compromised, Janice.

04:50I'm 48.

04:53I believe someone may have stolen your identity

04:55and is using it to open accounts in your name.

04:57You're kidding.

04:59Explain to me, Janice,

05:01how it's possible that I need two forms of ID

05:04and a blood sample to go rent Sister Act II

05:06from the video store.

05:08And somebody can come along

05:12and use my ripped-up receipts

05:14and open an account

05:15and nobody checks it.

05:16How is it possible?

05:18The bank realizes

05:19this is a serious problem, ma'am.

05:24Is that it?

05:25Look, I'll check into it

05:27and freeze your accounts.

05:28In the meantime,

05:28you should cancel the rest of your credit cards,

05:30notify the Social Security,

05:31the DMV,

05:32and any accounts you may have,

05:33both business and personal.

05:35And I'll get back to you.

05:36You know they're white, don't you?

05:45Oh, yeah.

05:45No, we don't know that for sure.

05:47No, we do know that for sure

05:48because they can open accounts

05:49and nobody checks.

05:50Black people can't do that.

05:51Inaz, anything?

05:59No, no, I heard you, sir.

06:00I heard you.

06:00Yeah, my check bounced.

06:02And I gotta tell you,

06:03you gotta get past that.

06:04You know, I'm the victim of fraud here.

06:06Look, why don't you bring over

06:08a bucket of wings and a tall boy

06:10and we could talk about this in person.

06:11Hello?

06:12Hello?

06:12Well, Mavis,

06:14the laundry service is refusing to deliver.

06:17Should I start reversing the sheets?

06:21What do you mean they're refusing to deliver?

06:23That check is paid automatically for...

06:26Oh.

06:27And the cable has been turned off.

06:30Not the cable.

06:32Jeez, why don't they just turn off the hot water?

06:34They called.

06:35You have until Thursday.

06:39Mavis,

06:40there's a very angry

06:41and aroused man in 5-1-1

06:43whose pay-per-view movie

06:44finished before he did.

06:48If you catch my drift.

06:51I got it.

06:53It was Paul.

06:54Nassim, I know what you're talking about.

06:57The man seemed very, very agitated.

06:59He's demanding to see a woman in authority.

07:02Preferably a woman.

07:05You know how you've been

07:07wanting more responsibility?

07:09Go up and take care of it.

07:10Oh, come on.

07:13Centwega,

07:14take him up.

07:15Let's go.

07:16Come on.

07:24Mavis,

07:25your financial books

07:25are a veritable Gordian knot.

07:27Why aren't you organized?

07:29Excuse me,

07:30I am organized.

07:31I know where everything is.

07:33It's in that box.

07:34Mavis,

07:36help me verify

07:37some of these charges

07:38on your credit card bill.

07:3963rd Street Lickers,

07:4068th Street Lickers,

07:4172nd Street Lickers,

07:4279th Street Lickers.

07:43Oh, yeah, yeah.

07:44I was following a friend

07:45during the marathon.

07:47Good Lord.

07:48That miscreant spent

07:49$600

07:50at Ruby's sex shop.

07:57Mavis,

07:58when this whole thing is over,

07:59I want to help you get organized.

08:00I don't want you to help me.

08:01It's cool.

08:02I got it.

08:02It's cool.

08:03Thank you, though.

08:04What's this?

08:05There's still stuff

08:06I have to go through.

08:07From January?

08:08Look, I've been busy.

08:09I've run a hotel.

08:11There's a payment book here

08:12for a Jaguar.

08:14For a what?

08:17A Jaguar.

08:18Who you, Patrick Stewart, now?

08:24It's pronounced Jaguar.

08:26We in America, fool.

08:27Jaguar.

08:28And just in case

08:29it's escaped you,

08:31I don't have a car.

08:32But this is what

08:33identity thieves do.

08:34They open fraudulent accounts

08:35in their victims' names.

08:39You know what?

08:41That's right.

08:41They do, don't they?

08:43Why are you looking at me?

08:45Because I want to

08:46ask you a question.

08:49Tell me,

08:50how did you get here?

08:51In your Jaguar?

08:55Oh, yeah,

08:56now it makes perfect sense to me.

08:57Who always wanted to be black?

08:59Always talked about

08:59acts and this and that?

09:02Yeah.

09:04Girl, you are tripping, okay?

09:06Why would I want to be you

09:08when I am all of this?

09:18Today is payday.

09:20We are going to get paid today, right?

09:22Jadwiga, relax.

09:23I told you,

09:24you can trust Mavis.

09:25Yeah, I went through this

09:26in the old country.

09:28First, they don't pay you.

09:29Then they do pay you,

09:31but they change the currency.

09:32Jadwiga, I told you,

09:36Mavis is an honest woman.

09:38I've been working here

09:38two years,

09:39never missed a paycheck.

09:41And if I work beyond

09:41the standard 72 hours,

09:43I get time on the quota.

09:44Now, see,

09:48you might need a drink,

09:49preferably the good stuff.

09:51Ooh, what is that?

09:52I don't drink of that.

09:53Nobody drinks that.

09:54That's all that's left.

09:55What do you mean

09:56that's all that's left?

09:56Where's the whiskey?

09:57Where's the bourbon?

09:58Oh, uh, ooh, ooh,

09:59somebody drank it.

10:03Listen, uh,

10:04Shalupa, do me a favor.

10:05Go over to the bodega

10:06and get me a pack of cigarettes, okay?

10:08You have cash?

10:09Yes, my last $7.

10:11Nice try.

10:12Cigarettes are $7.50.

10:15Go under the couch cushion

10:16and get the loose change.

10:18The couch change is mine.

10:19It's in my contract.

10:23Let me tell you something,

10:24Shaka Zulu.

10:27This hotel is mine.

10:29And everything in it,

10:30loose or otherwise,

10:32belongs to me.

10:39Yes, go, no.

10:40That's bad.

10:40That's very bad.

10:41That's very, very bad.

10:42I know what she said.

10:43No, you don't know what she said.

10:43That was very bad.

10:44She said something about

10:46my mother and a dwarf.

10:50That's close enough.

10:52Well, anyway, look,

10:54I'm very sorry about the state

10:55of the...

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