I'm Getting A Divorce and Don't Know How to Write a Check or Budget. What do I do?

The Street

Couples often split responsibilities, perhaps leaving one partner less familiar with household finances

Transcript

00:00this morning on brn i'm getting a divorce and i don't know how to budget or write a check

00:08what do i do joining me now to discuss this alex jacobson is the chief executive officer and

00:16president of the jacobson mediation group alex always great to see you thanks for joining us

00:21on the program this morning thank you for having me alex i want to ask you um i think you probably

00:29run into this um and i want to get your thoughts on on this someone goes through a divorce they're

00:36divorcing a spouse and they're probably hit with the realization i'm going to be in charge of my

00:42own finances for the first time in maybe a handful of years a dozen years uh you have you dealt with

00:50this issue and and what what are some of the big hurdles in terms of getting back up to speed in

00:56terms of your budget and your finances yeah well first i think it's important to take a step back

01:02and accept the fact that that's okay it's okay that you don't know where your bank accounts are

01:07that you don't know how to budget that you haven't written a check there's a division of labor in a

01:13marriage that is workable um somebody may be in charge of the finances somebody may be in charge

01:18of carpools um when you are getting divorced those lines blurred it's important that you are able to

01:25operate um in both arenas so um number one it's okay number two um it sort of goes back to what we

01:34talked about the last time we met which is it's important that you have your team together um so

01:39having your divorce lawyer who you trust who can do the due diligence for you to give you that security

01:46make sure you know where the x are make sure you've gotten transparency in terms of all assets

01:51and liabilities that exist um if you're keeping the house make that attorney will help you understand

01:57how to budget your your support that you're receiving for example or support that you're paying

02:03and um make sure that you are able to run your household you know in a workable way yeah i like that

02:11you bring up the team and that's again kind of follow up through our last conversation

02:15alex i haven't ridden a bike in in a long time other than a stationary bike okay but i have to

02:22imagine that managing finances is like getting back on a bike again you don't really forget it i know

02:29that i could get on a bike if i wanted to i could stay balanced i wouldn't need those training reels

02:34anymore right so i have to think that finances if you've done it in the past you're you you can pick

02:42it back up just about refamiliarization with those skills you have them you have them i too i too spend

02:49a lot of time on a bike that goes nowhere um but i i think that if i got on a bike i would be just fine

02:56and um it's important to also know that there are so many tools out there whether it are there are apps

03:02your banking um institution will have apps that will help you budget help you keep track of your

03:08expenses um and and you should do the exploration to make sure you're using all of the tools that

03:14are there for you to use to help you run your household yeah alex uh there may be people out there

03:22who were a home maker i don't know what the right or caregiver and and didn't have a full-time job

03:29stepping back into the workforce you know whether you're a man or woman that and and updating your

03:36skills there are probably a lot of resources out there i'm thinking about coaches or um even resources

03:44out there to help you put that you know take that first step back into your career because you may

03:50have given it up to raise children you may have given it up to because your partner was working

03:54right i mean it can it can be for a lot of reasons it happens frequently in a divorce situation and it

04:01goes back to that partnership when you're in a marriage that partnership works and maybe somebody

04:05did take a step back from their career having to dive back in um you know when you're middle-aged

04:10and you sort of miss those formative years of building your career can be daunting but you're right

04:16there are tools linkedin career coaches um all of those um tools are available to you to help you

04:24get back into the workforce and um do what you need to do to make your separate households now

04:30operate smoothly yeah and is it is it about the right mindset and i'm reminded there's a quote from

04:38i'm a big george s patten jr fan i'm not i've never been in the military but i like a lot of his

04:43maxims uh one of which was success is measured by how high you bounce after you've hit rock bottom

04:51now divorce is certainly not rock bottom but you can certainly feel that way so if in in some ways

04:57you can feel like you're starting from the beginning so it's about getting the right it's

05:00about having the resources and the and the people around you but is it about having the right mindset

05:06because we all go through ups and downs in our lives absolutely and and again among your your team

05:12should be a mental health professional but maintaining that perspective because a divorce

05:16can often in many instances feel like a death it can be rock bottom but maintaining the perspective

05:22that um you know you need to give yourself time um to get your skills back um you know up to up to

05:29par um and decide what it is that you want to do that makes it workable for you to run your household

05:35be the parent you want to be um and you know be successful you know personally or or maybe you

05:43want to switch careers alex i mean you you maybe you were in financial services and now you want to

05:48follow alex jacobson and be an attorney and and there are probably uh community colleges and other uh

05:58higher ed institutions that can are designed for these types of experiences absolutely i mean many

06:05universities colleges have um advanced certificate classes that you can take advantage of um to become

06:12a mediator for example um there there are often these professional services uh certificates that you

06:19can get to to help you get back into the workforce yeah so and so important i i to me listening to you

06:26talk it's it really is about the mindset and i don't i don't think getting divorced is is a is

06:34hitting rock bottom i i think i think maybe people can view it that way i think it's almost like a

06:38rebirth i i think of it like a phoenix it's it's the next phase of your life alex and i have to think

06:44that when you counsel your clients you're kind of have to remind i don't want to put words in your

06:49mouth i'm paraphrasing here but they probably have to remind them okay you did this for this period of

06:54time but your life is yours what's next absolutely i mean i you know it's i think to the individual

07:01it can feel like rock bottom and making sure that you help them maintain their perspective that it can

07:07be an opportunity for a new chapter you know new growth new expansion and other areas that you may

07:14not have been inclined to explore you know during your marriage or before your marriage and and and

07:19alex look we have greater longevity life is not over at age 50 and i can tell you at age 52 it's not

07:25over there are new experiences to be had out there and and and you know different aspects of life to

07:32enjoy and maybe being a younger person uh you know i'm not saying all divorce is for mature people

07:38there are younger people that get divorced but it gives you new hey what did i learn and what do i

07:43take into this next chapter of my life i agree i mean you can always go back and be a background

07:48dancer for beyonce i still have those dreams i that i think you'd be a great background background

07:54dancer you know i i maybe i'd like to be a tap dancer uh but look i think i think you offer some

08:01sage advice it's it's about moving forward how best to move forward and you've got this team around

08:07you you got to tap into it alex we're gonna have to leave it there always great to see the great

08:12alex jacobson have a great rest of the week and we'll talk to you again very soon you as well

08:17and don't forget to subscribe to our daily newsletter of the morning polls for all the

08:21news in one place details of course are at our website and we're back again tomorrow for another

08:27edition of brn until then i'm jeff snyder stay safe keep on saving and don't forget roll with the changes

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