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The Cheap Seats Season 5 Episode 24
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FunTranscript
00:00Tonight, from across Australia and around the world, it's time to look back and unpack
00:07the week from the cheap seats with special guest, UK comedian Rob Beckett.
00:14And now, here are your hosts, Melody Braswell and Tim MacDonald.
00:20Good evening, thank you for joining us.
00:22Thank you for joining us.
00:23Great to have you with us for another week as we look back on the biggest news stories.
00:27And how's this for a line-up?
00:29A turtle, a lizard, a python and a Christian minister.
00:33Perfect line-up.
00:35There was also a hundred chameleons, but no-one noticed.
00:38Let's kick off in Canberra with the Prime Minister, Anthony Albanese.
00:42He made a huge announcement.
00:43The PM finally seals a defence deal with Papua New Guinea.
00:47Yes, this is a defence treaty with Papua New Guinea, the biggest treaty signed since Nicole
00:52and Keith's divorce settlements.
00:55It was a huge day.
00:56This is the first new alliance, Australia, I think, who signed in over 70 years.
01:00Over seven decades.
01:00Pretty significant.
01:02What more can you tell us?
01:03Jellyfish don't have reproductive organs.
01:08I saw a little bit about the treaty, but...
01:10Also, how did you find that out?
01:12Yes.
01:12No.
01:13You don't want to know.
01:14If you do want to know more about jellyfish...
01:17You can learn more about the life cycle and reproduction of jellyfish by clicking on this link.
01:22We're listening to the radio.
01:24You cannot click on that link.
01:25On a link.
01:26It goes on to say, HTTPS.
01:28Yes, we'll get the website later.
01:30We'll put it on ours.
01:30Okay, we'll get to it later.
01:31Let's head back to the treaty.
01:32It was signed in Canberra.
01:33The PNG Australia Defence Treaty.
01:35That's the PNG Foreign Minister there on the left.
01:38You can see there and...
01:39Just waiting for an Uber?
01:41No.
01:42That is the PNG Foreign Minister, Justin Kachenko, who is all across the details of this treaty.
01:47The treaty with Australia going to be signed today?
01:49I have no idea.
01:52You're the Foreign Minister?
01:53How do you not have an idea about this?
01:56Well, you know, things take time.
01:59Has Canada approved this treaty?
02:02Which treaty?
02:02Which treaty?
02:03The Treaty of Australia Defence Treaty.
02:05Oh, it's a work in progress.
02:08Okay, so that means it hasn't been approved by Cudnet?
02:12You tell me.
02:13Right.
02:15That's when the teacher calls you on in the class and you haven't done the reading.
02:18He can tell us about jellyfish, though, so we might come back to Justin.
02:21Well, the two leaders sign the treaty.
02:26Very enthused on the left there.
02:28And we'll just wait for the PNG Prime Minister to work out how a folder
02:32works.
02:34They can be tricky.
02:35Okay, if we just close it from that side, but there we go.
02:40Perfect.
02:40And another applause.
02:42I feel a lot better about our partnership with PNG.
02:44China, better look out.
02:47Hey, afterwards, Albo and the PNG PM, James Marappe, they held a press conference.
02:51Which ended with this interesting moment.
02:54So, Richard, you might want to take James this into my office while I...
02:59Yeah.
03:00Thanks, Prime Minister.
03:02This is in my office.
03:03This is fine.
03:04Yeah.
03:07Yeah.
03:08Other things.
03:10Is he in trouble?
03:12He's not an Amazon delivery.
03:14He's the Prime Minister.
03:16Well, let's move on and check in with the Federal MP for Kennedy, Bob Cadder.
03:20Our fuel is produced overseas.
03:22Our motor vehicles are produced overseas.
03:24Our underwear is produced overseas.
03:27Congratulations, Canberra.
03:29Congratulations.
03:29Congratulations.
03:30Good to see the anger management courses paying off.
03:34Well, I mean, he's talking about foreign-made goods, but some of our senators are made in
03:36Lebanon.
03:37So, he's got to be aware of that.
03:40Now, don't say that.
03:41Sorry, sorry.
03:42Sorry.
03:42Look, Bob is upset about the demise of Australian manufacturing, as he explains.
03:49We send our gladiator into the ring and we say, hey, listen, mate, give me your helmet
03:54and your shield.
03:55And he said, hey, the other bloke's got a helmet and a shield.
03:59Oh, no, you fight without a helmet and a shield, it'll make you tough.
04:03And the gladiator says, it won't make me tough.
04:06It'll make me dead.
04:07That's what it'll make me.
04:08And that is why you have no motor vehicle industry in Australia.
04:15Ah, yes.
04:16Those classic gladiators and their Toyota Corollas.
04:20Yes.
04:22Holden don't make the Spartacus anymore.
04:24That was their big selling model.
04:25Remember that famous line from Gladiator where Russell Crowe goes, my name is Maximus
04:29Decimus Meridius.
04:31Father to a murdered son.
04:33Owner of a Ford Falcon.
04:34And that's why there's no manufacturing in Australia.
04:38It's unbelievable.
04:39Let's head overseas.
04:40The Pope is out there blessing a gigantic chunk of ice.
04:45He's turning that ice into frosé.
04:49That has a commercial value of $1.3 million.
04:52And that was at the Church of St. Crystal of Meth.
04:55So there we go there.
04:56Wonderful.
04:57Let's move on to the biggest story this week.
05:00Bear 32 or Chunk as his friends and fans call him.
05:04I don't think his friends should call him that.
05:06No.
05:07Chunk or Bear 32, which relates to his cholesterol reading, was crowned the champion despite having
05:12a jaw injury.
05:13Leading to this emotional statement from an expert.
05:15So we're worried that he would die.
05:19And he's still so fat.
05:23It's just beautiful.
05:26He is so fat.
05:28Mind you, there was sad news from the world of wildlife.
05:30The British zoologist and animal rights campaigner, Dame Jane Goodall, has died in America at
05:35the age of 91.
05:37Jane lived an incredible life spent working with wildlife.
05:40She spent six decades studying the social and family interactions of chimpanzees in the
05:45wild.
05:46Keeping up with the conservationists.
05:49Her methods were very different to the modern methods of modern day conservationists.
05:53Robert Irwin ripped his shirt off.
05:59Welcome back.
06:00He's just established a breeding program there, I think.
06:04That's beautiful.
06:05Well, let's get back to Jane.
06:07And Jane's career all began when she was just 26 years of age.
06:11Legendary paleontologist, Lewis Leakey, hiring Goodall as his assistant.
06:16Tough job.
06:17Those were the four previous assistants.
06:19So, no, we're obviously having a little bit of fun.
06:21Can we say that again?
06:22Those are the former hosts of Studio 10.
06:26Hello, Ica.
06:27Through her research, Jane made a number of incredible discoveries.
06:32The mouth of the jellyfish has multiple functions.
06:35I just put it that way.
06:35More about chimpanzees is what we were talking about.
06:38Interesting.
06:39She was the first to observe this about chimps.
06:41She proved that chimps used tools and even modified them for particular purposes.
06:46Up until this point, it was thought that only humans could make tools.
06:49But it was when Jane captured this image of a chimpanzee using a Ryobi 18-volt cordless hammer drill.
06:56That's when we knew it was something special.
06:58We've got to take a break.
06:59Back with plenty more on the chimps, right after this.
07:13Welcome back to the chimps.
07:14Great to have you with us.
07:16Lots of making news this week.
07:17Let's head to 9 news.
07:18If you're worried about your brain function slipping as you age, don't be.
07:23Next, the study that shows we hit our stride in our late 50s.
07:29So this is a story all about brain power and we've noticed a couple of things about the Sudoku here.
07:34This man is confidently filled in the top left square of the Sudoku despite not really enough information to do so.
07:43So let's break it down.
07:44In the top left square, we've got a 5 in the middle.
07:47That's despite the fact that on the other side, there is clearly a 5.
07:52Intersecting with the 5 below that 5 as well.
07:57Then still in the top left, you'll notice there's a 1 in the top right column.
08:00Which is interesting because if you go down to the bottom, there is a 1 in that column.
08:05Anyway, I mean, this feels a little more ABC, just doing a live dissection of a Sudoku.
08:11No, it caught our eye.
08:12And speaking of some new research...
08:14OK, doing admin in bed or even the bathroom is becoming increasingly common for sole operators
08:20who are signing up to the concept of working from anywhere, according to new research by MYOB.
08:25Now, to discuss the results and give us some details about how she tackles the workday,
08:30I'm joined by sole operator Sarah DiVoli, fittingly from her bed.
08:34So, Sarah, thanks for fitting us into your afternoon.
08:36Afternoon? Get out of bed!
08:38You can work from home and from the bathroom, and I'm just currently doing that now, actually.
08:42Oh, my God!
08:48Multitasking.
08:49Let's press on.
08:50One square! Not enough!
08:53Well, I'm like Jane Goodall.
08:54I believe in saving the environment.
08:56You're doing a Sudoku on the clock as well.
08:58Ah, let's move on.
09:01And you do have to be careful when you are working from home.
09:03Detective Constable Niall Thubron was tasked with investigating organised crime and allowed
09:09to work remotely.
09:11But he did get caught slacking off.
09:13Let's take a look.
09:14A misconduct committee found on one occasion last December, a single eye key was pressed
09:20more than 16,000 times in just 90 minutes, a move he repeated 38 times across 12 days.
09:28And that's valid work.
09:29That is valid work.
09:30That is valid work.
09:31I mean, he dotted all those eyes, so he's across the detail.
09:34He has released a statement.
09:36And he told us...
09:37He told us yes.
09:38We might come back to him.
09:40We might come back to him.
09:40We might come back.
09:41Let's move on.
09:42And it's been a big week in Queensland.
09:44Early this morning, a B-double truck carrying a truckload of sardines, potatoes and turnips
09:49crashed.
09:51No one rushed to the scene.
09:55Sardines and turnips.
09:57It's a very exciting opportunity.
10:00Yes, mate.
10:00Plenty of sardines, plenty of turnips and potatoes on the side of the road at the moment.
10:05What a tourism slogan.
10:08Because there's nothing...
10:09The only thing better than a fresh turnip is one on the side of the road.
10:11Do you know sardines don't have reproductive organs?
10:15Wow.
10:15Yeah.
10:16That is beautiful.
10:16Anyway, we'll press on.
10:17Let's move on to the other big story in Queensland.
10:21The Broncos winning the NRL and NRLW Grand Finals on the same day.
10:26The first time that's ever happened.
10:28That's very exciting.
10:29But the wins weren't the best news for Broncos fans.
10:32You'll notice at the very top, Brisbane Broncos actually have shares and they surged 20%.
10:38The Brisbane Broncos are on the share market.
10:41Classic ABC coverage of sport, isn't it?
10:43But let's have a look at these other shares.
10:45You know, I had a lot of money on Sportsbet for the Pilbara Minerals.
10:48I thought they would have taken out this year.
10:50Yes.
10:50And I love Linus Rare Earths.
10:54Great.
10:55Me So Blast is what I've just done here on the toilet.
10:57Oh my God.
10:59Look, by the end of the day, Broncos shares had gone up by 40%.
11:04That brings its market value to $180 million.
11:06So it's still a small cap stock, the Broncos.
11:09Not big enough to be listed on the ASX 200 or the All Lords.
11:12Jeez.
11:13You're not trying to.
11:15What are you talking about?
11:17If you're not the Dow Jones thing, fuck off.
11:19Yeah.
11:21I don't think Rio Tinto could win a grand final.
11:23So there, what are we talking about?
11:25Well, let's stick with the NRL.
11:27Yes.
11:27And Channel 9 had all the coverage.
11:29Storm are taking it home.
11:32Nice try, Melbourne.
11:33So look out.
11:35And this is where the final battle will take place.
11:38And it's almost game time.
11:41Thanks, Pippa.
11:42Good pass.
11:43It was a forward pass, but that's fine.
11:45Well, Deb had a go at passing the ball back as well.
11:48All right.
11:48Well, we passed it back.
11:49Where's Pippa?
11:50Passed it out again.
11:51Oh!
11:52Oh!
12:00A little bit of a behind-the-scenes knowledge here for the cheap seats.
12:03We asked, would anyone in the crew be able to volunteer to throw a rugby ball at us?
12:10And they lined up.
12:11They were very, very keen.
12:13We filmed 73 more takes.
12:16We'll show those online later on.
12:18Hey, of course, Sunday was grand final day.
12:20And it's all about preparation.
12:22As Sunday's NRL grand final approaches, Robert is gearing up to transform into Storm Man.
12:29And pissing off his neighbours?
12:33Yes.
12:33Is that part of the preparation?
12:35It's amazing to think the Melbourne Storm lost, isn't it?
12:38Anyway, his share price has just fallen by 30%.
12:41So there you go.
12:42The game was in Sydney, and the atmosphere was incredible.
12:45Without a dog in the fight, us Sydney-siders were left to look to the sky for a sign on who to back.
12:52Yes, are you backing the Storm or the Bron-news?
12:57Hard to read your writing.
12:58To be fair, I think that sign writer was busted working from home.
13:01Oh, really?
13:02He was.
13:03Lazy bastard.
13:03Very lazy.
13:05Of course, the Melbourne and Brisbane faithful gathered at fan events.
13:08Bronco supporters were confident.
13:09Trish, let's talk us about this.
13:11Well, it goes all the way over my boob as well.
13:14Well, we're not going to show you that.
13:15Let's cut this.
13:16No, let's show it.
13:17We are going to show that.
13:18Yep.
13:19I think they call that tat for tit.
13:27You can go back to bed.
13:28That was great.
13:30Storm fans were feeling optimistic when they go all the way.
13:33Absolutely, they can go all the way, and I'm anticipating that they will.
13:36It's going to be a close game, but we'll come home with the biscuits in the air.
13:39Yeah, they'll go all the way to hospital.
13:41I think that's where they're going.
13:43Friend of the show, Channel 9's Mike Dalton was on the ground, giving us all the crucial info.
13:48When did you come down to town?
13:49We got here this morning.
13:50How did you come down?
13:51Did you fly or drive?
13:52Train.
13:52Great.
13:53Good to chat.
13:55Mike chatted to some Storm fans as well.
13:57Born in Melbourne.
13:57You've got more legitimacy than your dad.
13:59Is that for you?
14:00He's not my dad.
14:01Great.
14:02Well, he's not my real dad.
14:06Exactly.
14:07Can we have a look at Mike's look again, by the way?
14:09He looks like a detective, but he's the world's worst Sherlock Holmes.
14:14Mike is a professional journalist, and he did get this interesting tidbit.
14:17On the time I started breastfeeding my son, sitting there watching the football, said Melbourne
14:22all the way.
14:23Oh, madam, there's probably a little bit more information than I require.
14:25And that's coming from Mike, who gets no information from anyone.
14:30But let's get back to the game.
14:32Yes.
14:33And there was one player everyone was talking about.
14:35Happy to sign jerseys and more.
14:37What are you wearing?
14:39Toilet seat.
14:40Why are you wearing a toilet seat?
14:42Because Reece Walsh's doing toilet water.
14:45I just think it's slightly concerning his hair is wet.
14:49Well, this is in reference to Reece Walsh, the Broncos superstar, who a couple of weeks
14:54back, filmed himself drinking water out of a toilet.
14:57The Brisbane Broncos have been forced to release an official statement urging people not to
15:03drink water out of the toilet.
15:05That is still the best press release ever.
15:07Still a pleasant statement.
15:08Drink responsibly.
15:09Well, Reece Walsh's antics promoted this discussion.
15:12He's just such a free spirit, and that's the reason why, whether it's TikTok, whether
15:16it's, you know, he's doing his little pranks, he's not really hurting anyone.
15:19He's not hurting anyone.
15:20He's not hurting anyone.
15:21He's just punching them in the head.
15:22But a huge win for the Broncos.
15:24Let's take a look at that post-match analysis.
15:27How hard is it to get one of them?
15:30Man.
15:31Are we on?
15:31We're on.
15:32Oh, we're on.
15:33Shit.
15:34Oh.
15:34Yep.
15:35Yep.
15:36Perfect.
15:36No, we are on.
15:37Let's see what he had to say.
15:38Oh.
15:39This year's just been so, um, you know, so, like, fucking, oh, shit.
15:44I'm speechless.
15:46Celebrations went well into the night.
15:47And today, reporter Gabrielle Boyle was asking the big question.
15:51How are you feeling this morning?
15:52How are you feeling?
15:53How are you feeling this morning?
15:53How are you feeling?
15:54How are you feeling this morning?
15:55Feeling pretty sore and sorry.
15:57How are the boys on the bus?
15:58How are they holding up?
15:58You look a bit sore and sorry.
16:00How are you feeling?
16:01How are you feeling this morning?
16:02I'm not a player.
16:04But still, how are you feeling?
16:06Well, congratulations to the Broncos, the men and the women, and well done to the Clive
16:10Churchill medalist, Reece Walsh.
16:12He had an interesting reminder on his boots.
16:14I'm looking down at your shoes.
16:17On your shoes, you got rid of B great.
16:21Do you feel great?
16:22Wow.
16:23I mean, he's not the only one with that reminder.
16:25I have them here on my shoes as well.
16:29There we go there.
16:30Let's go.
16:31Be great.
16:32Well, no, no, no.
16:33We're going to have a break.
16:34Back to the morning of the team season.
16:35Welcome back to the team season.
16:39Welcome back to the team season.
16:43And it's time for our special guest.
16:45Rob Beckett.
16:47Rob Beckett.
16:48Rob Beckett, ladies and gentlemen.
16:49This is Rob Beckett.
16:51Evening.
16:51Surprise!
16:53Hello and welcome.
16:54I've either done something wrong or incredibly wrong.
16:57This is not normal.
16:59We are so excited to welcome UK comedian Rob Beckett.
17:06Hello.
17:07Hello.
17:09Welcome.
17:10It's exciting, isn't it?
17:12It is so exciting to have you.
17:13We are both massive fans of yours.
17:15You keep glancing at the city landscape.
17:17Yeah, just the screen.
17:18Look, you've got a beautiful city landscape and all your telly.
17:20Yes.
17:21We do.
17:22A nondescript city.
17:23Beautiful, isn't it?
17:24Where is that?
17:25That is the stock footage capital.
17:29Because that car's gone left five times.
17:31It has.
17:31Well, welcome to Australian traffic, Rob.
17:34It is so great to have you with us.
17:36Thank you so much for joining us.
17:37It's great to have you here down under in Australia.
17:39You've been here before.
17:40Yes.
17:40What do you like about Australia?
17:41I love the people.
17:43Very laid back.
17:44Good laugh.
17:45I'm struggling with the time zones, if I'm honest.
17:47I do think they need a bit of a revamp.
17:49Yeah, right.
17:50Yeah, just the daylight saving.
17:51Adelaide being half an hour.
17:53It's just ridiculous.
17:53That doesn't exist.
17:54Yes.
17:55Anywhere else in the world.
17:56Yes.
17:57So, yeah, but apart from that, I love it.
17:59Adelaide are actually a few years behind us.
18:01They get a lot of grief, Adelaide.
18:03I quite like Adelaide.
18:04They're very chilled.
18:05But Melbourne have a go at Adelaide, don't they?
18:07And then Melbourne hates Sydney, and then Canberra's just in the middle going, why are we here?
18:13Well, you're here.
18:14You were just in Canberra, though.
18:16I was, yes.
18:16And you were saying in the make-up room how much you bought of it.
18:18Well, no, I just, I can't believe you've created a capital city that's the least Australian
18:22place I've ever been to.
18:24It's inland, it's cold, there's no seaside.
18:27Well, it's mad.
18:29It's like putting London in the Sahara Desert.
18:30But you are here and happy to be here.
18:34I am.
18:34I love it.
18:36And you're here because you're touring right around Australia with your brand new show,
18:39Rob Beckett, Giraffe.
18:40Yes.
18:41What can we expect from this show?
18:43It's a stand-up comedy show.
18:45It's live.
18:46It'll just be me.
18:47Basically, you turn up and I'll make you laugh, and you'll leave happier than when you arrived.
18:50Great.
18:50Great.
18:51What a guarantee.
18:51And I change the set a bit, depending on where I am.
18:54So I talk about the location, I chat to the audience and stuff.
18:57So I've got sort of set jokes, but I try and just let it be live and in that moment
19:00of that night.
19:01Because everything's, you know, everyone's on social media, YouTube, stuff like that.
19:04But you can't be being in a room live with someone.
19:07Exactly.
19:07That's a great answer, although it does feel like you have absolutely no idea what the
19:10show's about.
19:10Right.
19:11Turn up, rock up.
19:12We'll have a bit of a chat.
19:14We'll have fun.
19:15You will laugh, though.
19:16Exactly.
19:16Right.
19:16You know, yeah.
19:17That's a guarantee.
19:18I can tell you exactly what I'm going to say.
19:20It might ruin it.
19:21Well, go on.
19:22We've got time.
19:22I want to know, is it called Giraffe because of what happened with you at the Brit Awards?
19:28No, I did that the other way around.
19:30So I called it Giraffe because I thought it would be a funny poster.
19:32There is a meaning to why it's called Giraffe that you can see in the show.
19:35Do you want to come?
19:36Gold Coast, still tickets.
19:39Don't know what time it's on because, you know, the times will change.
19:42They might be on daylight saving.
19:43Who knows?
19:44Perth don't do it.
19:45Adelaide do.
19:46Half an hour, bish bash bosh.
19:48Apart from that, absolutely fine.
19:49I'm trying to ring home.
19:50I don't even know what time it is here.
19:51How can I work out time at home?
19:54In the history of this show, Rob, this is possibly the most confusing pitch for a show.
19:59You don't know what the show's about, where it is, what time it is.
20:03Rob Beckett is the show because you did rock up to the Brit Awards dressed as a giraffe.
20:08Yes.
20:09The show's called Giraffe and when you're a 40-year-old dad or two, going to the Brit Awards
20:13when there's Stormzy and all these, no one cares.
20:15No one cares that you're there.
20:17So I turned up as a giraffe and thought, I'll get attention.
20:19And I did, sold the tour out, bish bash bosh, done.
20:24Unfortunately, the people that are going to the Gold Coast did not watch the Brit Awards.
20:27If you live in the Gold Coast, please come.
20:30Everything else is sold out.
20:31Gold Coast, please come.
20:34People think I'm dressing as a...
20:35Is that too needy?
20:36Please.
20:39If I just wear an ordinary outfit, people think I'm dressing up as a giraffe.
20:43So, you know, it happens.
20:45Well, essentially, it's not just Gold Coast that you had a beef with.
20:47There was one town in Australia that you had a real beef with.
20:49Because you had a great show in Sydney.
20:51Yeah.
20:52But there was one town south of Sydney that didn't quite get on board.
20:54I said it wrong.
20:55I said Therool, but it's Therool.
20:57Therool?
20:58Is that right?
20:58Well, that's funny because no one in Australia has ever heard of this.
21:01Yeah, I mean, that's...
21:03Well, it didn't sell out.
21:04I put it on Instagram going, guys, no one's coming to the Therool.
21:06And they went, yeah, we don't know where that is either.
21:08So, ow!
21:09Anyway, that sold out.
21:10So it shows shaming people online works.
21:13That's good.
21:14So, Gold Coast...
21:15Yes, yes, Gold Coast.
21:16It comes out, Rob Beckett.
21:1822nd of October.
21:19Yes.
21:19On that note, I would love to shame everyone.
21:22And Nary Warren.
21:26Who are definitely not coming to my show on Thursday.
21:29Right, OK.
21:30It's good to know.
21:31So, how do you find Aussie audiences?
21:34They're way more relaxed and up for it than the British crowds.
21:37Because they can be a little bit, you know, awkward and quiet.
21:39So everyone's a bit more relaxed, which is what I love.
21:41It sort of suits me as a comic.
21:42There's a lot of British comedians that are sort of like posh ones that went to Oxford and Cambridge
21:47that quite like the crowd to sit in silence and listen.
21:49I quite like a bit of involvement.
21:50Not too much, but, you know.
21:53Don't take that as an open invite.
21:54No, that's right.
21:55I know what I'm doing and I'll make you laugh.
21:57But I like when they're a bit more relaxed and open, which Aussies are, do you know what I mean?
22:00So let's hope of those...
22:00Can you swear on this show?
22:02You can give it a go.
22:03Well, basically, when I landed, I was a bit unwell.
22:06So I rang a doctor and he gave me some antibiotics, right?
22:09And he was like, do you smoke?
22:10Do you drink?
22:11And I went, oh, well, I had a couple of beers since I've been here.
22:13And he went, oh, well, fuck all then.
22:16From a doctor?
22:17Yeah, I might check that license.
22:19Is that normal?
22:20That's great.
22:21That's good for Dry July.
22:22Yes, exactly.
22:24You are no stranger to Australian audiences because you received the highest honour in
22:28Australian television.
22:29A cameo on Bluey.
22:31Is that right?
22:31I've been in Bluey, yes.
22:34Stop it, stop it.
22:36Who did you play?
22:37I played a butler in one of their little cartoon drawy ones.
22:43One of the cartoon drawy ones.
22:44As opposed to those live-action Blueys.
22:48The real dogs.
22:49But it wasn't with the actual dogs.
22:51It was like their imagination.
22:53Can I be honest with you?
22:54I'm not really across my own career.
23:00I'm very much turn up, enjoy myself and go home and never think about it ever again.
23:05Is there someone we can better direct these questions to?
23:08You could just get Wikipedia to be read out.
23:11Well, if you didn't see it, like Ron, enjoy.
23:13I haven't seen it, let's watch it.
23:15Good to meet you.
23:16My name is Monty.
23:17I'm head butler.
23:18Do come in.
23:20Oh, yeah, watch out for that.
23:22The children set up tracks in case their parents try and make them go to bed.
23:25That's unbelievable.
23:26There you go.
23:27You have young kids.
23:28What did they make of that?
23:28They were very impressed with that, too.
23:30A lot more impressed than me dressing as a giraffe at the bridge than some of the other stuff
23:34I do on telly.
23:35So, yeah, that was a good one for the kids.
23:36Speaking of the stuff you do on telly, we loved you on Last One Laughing.
23:41You and a bunch of other iconic British comedians try to make each other laugh without laughing
23:45yourself.
23:46Yes.
23:46How difficult is that to do?
23:48That was the hardest thing I've ever done.
23:49So, on the first day, they sort of give you a little practice day of explaining the
23:52rules and stuff.
23:53I literally was smiling the whole way and I was like, Rob, you will literally be out
23:57within two minutes.
23:58So, in the hotel room the night before, I Googled it and the way to not smile, and I still
24:02broke, like, eventually, but, like, is you sort of clench your jaw and then pout, and
24:08then that way you can't laugh.
24:09So, if you're ever at a funeral, that's someone you didn't like, which happens, doesn't it?
24:15Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
24:18Clench your jaw.
24:19Well, and you won't laugh or smile.
24:21Would we like to see Rob's technique of not laughing in action?
24:24Shall we talk about something incredibly mundane?
24:26Yeah.
24:27Your kitchen.
24:33That's just his teeth.
24:34We can't look at him at that.
24:35That's just a shape of his face.
24:37No.
24:40That is a competitive disadvantage.
24:42It is.
24:43I mean, look, I don't want to say, but we are both blessed or cursed with the same teeth
24:47situation, haven't we?
24:51No, no, hey, I'm just saying.
24:53We're on the same team.
24:54No, no, that's how to handle it.
24:55There we go.
24:58The problem with my teeth, you've got a beautiful set of teeth, the problem with my teeth is
25:01when I laugh, it looks like the teeth are trying to run out of my mouth.
25:05That's my problem.
25:07Well, you then had a go at trying to make these other legendary comedians laugh, and this was
25:11your attempt.
25:12My nan's dead.
25:14She slipped down the stairs.
25:16Off her face, she was.
25:17Oh, away you go.
25:18Hadn't drugs.
25:20Granny?
25:20What drugs?
25:21Just a paracetamol.
25:23And a litre of gin, before you know it.
25:25Right.
25:25She's arse backwards, bottom of the stairs.
25:27So, it wasn't really the slit?
25:30No, it was my granddad pushed her.
25:34True story.
25:35True story.
25:36True story.
25:36No, it's not a true story.
25:38They all panicked.
25:39So, you're touring around Australia.
25:42Have you got a final message to anyone, particularly in the Gold Coast region, around October 22?
25:48Gold Coast, come, please.
25:51I don't want to be desperate, but everything else is sold out.
25:53It's my last show.
25:54I don't want to leave the country on a load.
25:57So, what else is there doing the Gold Coast?
25:59Quite a lot.
26:01It's quite a lot.
26:03It's quite a lot.
26:04There is a lot.
26:04They've got, what, Movie World, Dream World, getting drunk, shouting at the sea, stuff like
26:09that.
26:10We've got schoolies.
26:10You can check that out.
26:12Exactly.
26:13Well, if you're not offended by Rob in the Gold Coast, his latest show, Giraffe, there
26:17are some tickets still available, ladies and gentlemen.
26:19Would you please take the wonderful Rob Beckett?
26:32Recently, it's that.
26:34Currently heard on Nova FM Breakfast, it's hello to Mel Tresina.
26:40Lovely to see you, M.T. You're here to bring us the best of showbiz.
26:44I am, and I'm here to bring us some fuel.
26:47Oh, great.
26:49Thanks for Kellogg's Coco Pops Chocos, real nourishment for real.
26:53Fantastic.
26:54You've come dressed as the box.
26:56That's nice.
26:57That is beautiful.
26:57I really lean into that Kellogg's cash.
27:00This is not the best thing about our new sponsorship deal.
27:02We just get to sit here and eat delicious cereal.
27:04That's true.
27:05And during my segment, which is great, which means less talking from you guys.
27:08So, that's a win.
27:09Oh, too mean.
27:12Sorry, guys.
27:13Wait, let me fuel up.
27:16Okay.
27:17It's pretty good, isn't it?
27:18It's really good.
27:19I haven't had Coco Pops in too long.
27:20It's so good.
27:21Let's not talk with our mouth full.
27:25Okay.
27:26Big thank you to Kellogg's.
27:27Great to have them on board.
27:28And while we're saying thank yous, we should say a big thank you as well to everyone who came
27:31to see the Cheap Seats World Tour.
27:37It was an amazing night.
27:39That's really nice that they photoshopped you to make you look taller.
27:42It's really kind.
27:43For some reason, we're dressed as the Russian flag, but it was a lovely...
27:46I would have said it's been Cold Gate Triple Action.
27:49Cold Gate Triple Action.
27:49Hey, did we all have fun at the live show?
27:51Yeah, I had a ball.
27:52It was so good.
27:53I can anticipate a similar crowd at my Nary Warren group.
27:58Big thank you to everyone here who worked so hard to put it together.
28:00Hopefully, we can do it again soon.
28:02Now, before we get into your segment, Mel, another very exciting thing happened this week.
28:07The new promo for Big Brother came out.
28:10Okay, cut to camera three.
28:11Is Sarah still in snacks?
28:13It's time to go, Sarah.
28:15Liv and Jackson, they're gossiping behind the fake phone.
28:18Can we zoom in?
28:19What are they?
28:21Where's that PA button?
28:24This is Big Brother.
28:25This is Big Brother.
28:27Mel, what are you doing?
28:30Nothing, Big Brother.
28:31I was just checking that all the buttons are working.
28:33Yeah, that looks good.
28:34I'm the best.
28:35It's so exciting.
28:43What prestigious university did you study acting at?
28:46That was just mixed level.
28:48Also, why did you guys give me subtitles?
28:50Was that hard to understand?
28:52You might have been talking with your mouth full.
28:54Oh, the Kellogg's, Coco Pop's, Chocos.
28:57That is exciting.
28:57We finally have a date.
28:59Yes, yes we do.
29:00Which is?
29:02November 9th.
29:05November 9th at the Gold Coast, which reminds me, I've got to buy tickets for Rob Beckett's show.
29:10Sunday, November 9th.
29:11Pop it in the diaries, everybody.
29:13Cancel it in.
29:14Big Brother.
29:16Oh, wow.
29:16Yes, it starts on the 9th.
29:18Yep.
29:19It'll be cancelled on the 10th.
29:22Great.
29:22Looking forward to it.
29:24Cancel it in.
29:25Big weekend.
29:25All right.
29:27Lovely to see you, M2.
29:28Should we talk some showbiz?
29:28You're all laughing a little too hard on that.
29:29Yes, yes.
29:30Let's start with the biggest entertainment news of the week, which is, of course, Taylor Swift dropping her 12th studio album, The Life of a Showgirl.
29:38And to promote it, she appeared on the Graham Norton show alongside a star-studded panel.
29:42Something tells me Cillian Murphy wanted to swap seats.
29:45The one that I feel I ought to graduate is the new bit of finger jewellery.
29:49The hardware upgrade?
29:49Yes.
29:50Check it out.
29:59Man, it's crazy to still talk about.
30:02It's so cool.
30:04Was it at Madonna's party?
30:05Was it at Madonna's party?
30:06It was at Madonna's party.
30:08I think it was at Beyonce's party.
30:09I was at Beyonce's party, but I didn't meet each other.
30:12I mean, you had a key.
30:13You got to link up.
30:15I was going to say, I really love your ring, man, but that's amazing.
30:18This is on the Graham Norton show.
30:31Now, they filmed this before the album was actually released, so the songs were embargoed.
30:37So they got to preview one of the songs.
30:39Or did they?
30:40The fate of Ophelia.
30:42Here it is.
30:43That was so good!
30:57Some of the best acting that panel has ever done.
31:00Just to be clear.
31:01Just to be clear.
31:02They obviously couldn't play the song because then everyone in the crowd would have heard the song.
31:06So they just had to sit there and pretend they were listening to a Taylor Swift song.
31:09Yes.
31:10And they were kind of on beat because every Taylor Swift song sort of sounded the same.
31:19Hang on, hang on.
31:20So what else do you hate about Taylor?
31:24No.
31:25I think the word you used backstage was underwhelming and pedestrian.
31:29Swifties come for her.
31:30I think the opening track of the album's all right, takes a severe dip and then it ends
31:35with a bang.
31:35That's my review.
31:36That's my review.
31:37That's my review.
31:38I'd rather have your opinion.
31:38Yeah.
31:39Yeah.
31:39Yeah.
31:40What was your favourite track?
31:41Yeah.
31:41Tim?
31:42Do you know what my favourite track was?
31:47No, I'm asking.
31:48Do you know what my favourite track was?
31:49I've got no idea.
31:51So just to be clear, Taylor Swift joins the other bands that you really despise.
31:54You hate BTS.
31:56Why do you not?
31:56I've never seen that.
31:57I've never seen that.
31:58I love BTS.
31:59Please don't hurt me.
32:02All right, moving on.
32:03The Block continues on 9 and surely this week they're at the tail end of building.
32:07We're gathered here today to witness something truly extraordinary.
32:13Sunny and Alicia are getting married again.
32:18Wow.
32:19Till auction do us part.
32:22The Block, they're not building houses, they're building homes.
32:25Exactly.
32:25Oh my God.
32:26And it was a great reception.
32:27They tore up the dance floor because it wasn't properly waterproofed.
32:31They had to restart and do it again.
32:34But it was a big wedding.
32:36It was a big wedding.
32:37And I've got to say, the bride was beautiful in a custom hard yakka gown.
32:41Stunning.
32:42Yeah, something borrowed, something blue, something old and something from McCafe.
32:45Exactly.
32:46And of course there was the cutting of the cake.
32:48Always a lovely moment.
32:49Yes.
32:50Always a lovely moment.
32:51In the show, the talking heads are a great way for the Blockheads to decompress and update
32:55their build without offending their colleagues during filming.
32:58On the Block every year, there's rich teams and there's poor teams.
33:01Right now, the rich team is house one and house three.
33:04They're coasting.
33:05And then you've got poor old house two who are really, really struggling.
33:08I know.
33:10Sorry, mate.
33:11She's moving out.
33:17Could have at least helped her with a box.
33:19All right, over to seven for MKR, which stands for My Kitchen Rules, not My Kitchen Wraps,
33:24as some would have you believe.
33:25Michael M. Reilly on MKR.
33:28We're about to become a superstar.
33:30Through our amazing food, we're going to deliver tonight.
33:33You better watch out because the table's going to be a fight over the laugh rack of lamb.
33:37And everyone's going to be fighting over the meek.
33:40Michael the meek master, he's here and he is delivering.
33:46They then crashed into the carpool karaoke car.
33:49What's incredible about that is that that rap was embargoed.
33:52And so they were listening to nothing.
33:54But they still had to do all the moves.
33:56This is incredible.
33:56Now, the reality gods have answered my prayers and they've combined an iconic interaction
34:01from Love Island, USA with Dancing with the Stars, USA.
34:05I'm a mummy.
34:07Mummy.
34:08I'm a mum.
34:10Mamacita.
34:23It's a girl!
34:24Yay!
34:25Congratulations!
34:26Wow!
34:29What?
34:30I don't know.
34:32What is going on?
34:33I don't know.
34:34But I have been watching the show, obviously, to keep up with Rob Irwin, who is on.
34:38And the judges, the audience, America, they love him.
34:40And of course, it's because of his dancing skills and his work ethic.
34:43You're a better friend, better friends are like you.
34:48Oh, no.
34:49The classic Robert, even on a celebrity reality show, he's still using his platform to advocate
34:56for wildlife and conservation.
34:58The only bit you want to avoid is the sharp end, which is down there.
35:02Unfortunately, crocodilians are hunted for those skins and it's used in the fashion industry.
35:08But the skin of an alligator belongs on the animal.
35:10I feel like there's another skin people are hunting for now.
35:15And if you're wondering, how does Rob get so fit?
35:18It's because of Coco Pop's Chocos.
35:21Exactly.
35:22Yeah, real larishment for real.
35:24Wow.
35:25And that's my week in arts and entertainment.
35:27And it's time now for...
35:45Yes, they do the crime, we do the time.
35:54This is the segment where we investigate all the biggest crime stories.
35:57And we haven't done crime time for a while and, to be honest...
36:00Yeah, the cases are stacking up.
36:01They're piling up.
36:02They are piling up.
36:04People think the hardest part of this segment is just throwing to funny clips.
36:07Well, actually, it's a lot of paperwork.
36:09The paperwork is a killer.
36:10The paperwork is out of control.
36:12Yeah, great.
36:15All right, first case up.
36:17Where do we start?
36:18A boulders-brass shoplifter has been caught on camera stealing a television from an electrical
36:23store in Wyala.
36:24Crystal-clear security vision shows the man casually stuffing the box under his T-shirt
36:30and strolling out.
36:32And he almost got away with it today.
36:34Almost got away with it.
36:36It's just great to see someone under the age of 55 watching television.
36:38That is good.
36:39If you do see the gentleman whose name is Tinky Winky, please get in touch.
36:45Another case solved.
36:48We don't need that anymore.
36:51What's next?
36:52Adelaide's tobacco wars flare again.
36:54Investigations tonight into a blaze at a Clarence Park supermarket.
36:59Adelaide's tobacco wars, they rage on and residents were frightened.
37:02The fuel container taken in as evidence.
37:05Just way too close to home, really.
37:07A bit scary and too close.
37:09Could you come down off your fence, Angela, and have a chat to us?
37:13I spoke to Wilson from Home Improvement there.
37:15Yeah, that's good.
37:16What else did locals have to say?
37:17It's a nice community and it's just a real shame that somebody's kind of...
37:21We don't want to point the finger, Mel, but...
37:23It's an interesting choice of name they had for the witness.
37:26Skye Bernmeister.
37:28In Skye's defence, that is her married name.
37:30Her maiden name is Skye, definitely an arsonist.
37:33Yes.
37:34Just to be clear, Skye had nothing to do with the fire.
37:37Let's go to another crime story now.
37:39What have we got?
37:40Also, a notorious killer's car goes up for sale online.
37:44This is Erin Patterson's vehicle, which went for sale up on Facebook Marketplace.
37:50Let's get a closer look.
37:51The ad says the second-hand SUV is in excellent condition.
37:55I've only done 22,000km, so there's a few trips to the dump.
37:58That's, um...
38:00Don't worry, it is safe to drive because it has got a different coloured number place,
38:04so it's fine.
38:06Well, what else should the ad say?
38:07The detailed description didn't reference the car's owner.
38:10Probably a good idea.
38:12Yeah.
38:13That's what I thought.
38:13Well...
38:14If you've just joined us, we're taking a look back at the week in crime
38:16with some amusing jokes that the audience are tolerating.
38:21Very patiently.
38:22Well, sticking with crime, let's go to the big story that's dominating headlines in New Zealand.
38:29It's time now to meet the country's latest kleptomaniac cat.
38:33Yes, he's served nine life sentences.
38:36But this is Nico.
38:38I'm going to have to report the email, but I'm sorry.
38:41That was terrible.
38:42This is Nico, and he's a hardened criminal.
38:44Trumpeting his return to signal he's brought home the goods.
38:53Mostly little socks, men's underwear, women's underwear.
38:57And the underwear is not produced in Australia!
39:02That's Bob Catter.
39:06Come on!
39:09It's going in the files.
39:11Not the only cat criminal in New Zealand.
39:16Nico's just the latest in a long line of kiwi klepto kitties,
39:20like Keith the Thief and Leonardo DiPinchi, just to name a couple.
39:26They were all deported from Australia, though, so...
39:28What's interesting, this story has reached the US,
39:31and Donald Trump is amazed that it is the pussies doing the grabbing.
39:34Yeah.
39:35It's a real role reversal.
39:36It is a real role reversal.
39:38All right.
39:41Welcome back.
39:44Welcome back.
39:47All right, let's take a look at one more crime.
39:50A manhunt is underway for the perpetrators of a ram raid at a mecha store,
39:54stealing thousands of dollars' worth of cosmetics and fleeing.
39:57This is a serious case.
39:58They believe the person responsible is connected to an outlaw moisturiser gang.
40:06That was amazing.
40:08They're the primer suspects.
40:09They are.
40:11They are.
40:11Well done.
40:13Well done.
40:15Sadly, they got away with it because they use concealer.
40:18So, we'll never know.
40:19Oh, wow.
40:20Police have released this identikit image of someone they want to speak to.
40:24That was...
40:27Climb time!
40:28We're going to take a break.
40:30Back with more in the chief seats.
40:32After this.
40:33Welcome back to the chief seats.
40:45Thank you so much for watching us this week.
40:47And let's check the latest forecast.
40:49Of course, I'll have that forecast right after I have a selfie with Sid the Alpaca.
40:53See you soon.
40:54See you soon.
40:58Okay, don't let us interrupt you.
41:00Yeah.
41:01No, you're right.
41:02The cyclone warning can waste.
41:04I can.
41:05Exactly.
41:05Can we check back in with Sherry Lee?
41:08Welcome back.
41:09Who's quickly assembling her very own Noah's Ark there.
41:13Is it going to be raining for 40 days and 40 nights?
41:15Can you just let us know now?
41:16That's a biblical reference and I liked it.
41:18Quite an old show this week.
41:21We've been doing Sudokus, the Bible.
41:24It's been great.
41:24Hello to everyone under the age of 65.
41:27But before we go, a bit of time to award our...
41:31Reporter of the Week!
41:39Why did you do an impression of a door creaking?
41:42Well, because I'm still on the toilet and I just was...
41:45This is Reporter of the Week.
41:49This is Reporter of the Week.
41:50We're on our reporters going above and beyond for the story.
41:52And when it comes to presenting the weather while holding an animal,
41:55no one did it better this week than Tyra Stowers.
41:58Oh, Mike, there he is.
41:59And I have a smaller helper.
42:01And a louder helper here with me with the forecast tonight.
42:04But the weather will not get until tomorrow evening.
42:07So it's a bit more sunshine to finish off the weekend.
42:11I'll have all those details right after the break with my new little friend.
42:14She should not have been talking about ragu.
42:20It really threw her off.
42:20Exactly.
42:21It really was.
42:21Exactly.
42:22Congratulations, Tyra Stowers.
42:24You are out.
42:28Reporter of the Week.
42:30On that note, we're done.
42:31Thank you to Mel Trasina and Rob Beckett.
42:33We'll see you next week right now in the Chiefs' seat.
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