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The Cheap Seats Season 5 Episode 26
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00:00Tonight, from across Australia and around the world, it's time to look back and unpack
00:07the week from The Cheap Seats, with special guest, stand-up comedian Geraldine Hickey.
00:13And now, here are your hosts, Melanie Prisnell and Tim McDonald.
00:22Welcome everyone in here at home.
00:24It is great to have you all with us.
00:26So much to get through, and we have to start with that meeting this morning.
00:30Today, the Prime Minister secures a multi-billion dollar critical minerals deal during talks
00:35with Donald Trump at the White House.
00:38Huge.
00:39Yes, that huge meeting at the White House.
00:42Discussing rare earths and critical minerals.
00:45So you see critical minerals as being critical, potentially.
00:52And minerally.
00:54Yes.
00:54These are the critical minerals, or as Donald Trump calls them, the colonel's 11 secret
01:00herbs and spices.
01:02Albanese met Trump at the White House, and the President was there to greet him.
01:07There he is.
01:08I finally get to meet him.
01:10Having a few troubles, sorry.
01:13She got a rose and a non-disclosure agreement.
01:16That's amazing.
01:17Well, Trump gave Albo a great welcome.
01:19A lot of friends over there, and this is one of them right here.
01:22The Prime Minister is, as you know, Anthony Albanese.
01:26Anthony Albanese.
01:27My great friend, Anthony Albanese.
01:30And it was a serious discussion.
01:31A question to both of you, if you don't mind.
01:33I love his haircut.
01:36I'm going to try that.
01:37No, I love it.
01:38This meeting was critical.
01:42The critical minerals was...
01:43Those critical haircuts.
01:44...was moose.
01:46Well, Trump was talking up the US economy this week.
01:49And everything else has been coming down.
01:51Groceries are down.
01:53The price of things are down.
01:55And...
01:56The price of things are down.
02:00Yes.
02:01Singamajigs are up, unfortunately.
02:03Yes.
02:04Well, it wasn't just the PM.
02:06The treasurer at Jim Tarmus was in the US as well.
02:08We're in New York City because we want more of the world's investors
02:12to get a slice of the action when it comes to Australia.
02:16And that's what these engagements are all about.
02:23OK.
02:24We've lost nothing with that.
02:27Why do you see a lost feed go to a screenshot from Animal Crossing?
02:32It's amazing.
02:33By the way, I love that guy's haircut.
02:35Love that haircut.
02:35That is an amazing haircut.
02:36This is why we need the minerals.
02:38Getting back home and big news.
02:40Former Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce announces
02:42he will not recontest his New England seat at the next election.
02:47Massive news from Barnaby Joyce.
02:49Looks like he might be leaving the Nationals
02:50and potentially joining Pauline Hanson at One Nation.
02:53In a statement, Barnaby said...
02:55The answer's no comment, so there's no point talking to me, OK?
02:59See ya.
03:01Insightful.
03:02He then went to say, why are you writing this down?
03:04I said I didn't say anything.
03:07Well, Pauline Hanson was asked about this while out in Tamworth.
03:10The One Nation leader at a Tamworth table on the hunt for a seat in Nationals Heartland.
03:15Interesting, the theme was...
03:17Wear the tablecloth.
03:20Why do I get the feeling someone's about to be served something on a different coloured plate?
03:24So Barnaby and Pauline might be getting together.
03:32Yes, and what did Pauline have to say?
03:34Barnaby, I'll open you.
03:36Open the doors for you.
03:38Those are two very different things.
03:40Very different invitations.
03:42I'll open you.
03:43She's got a new career as a proctologist, which is very beautiful.
03:46Well, she's always got her finger on the pulse.
03:48Barnaby will be sorely missed in his New England electorate.
03:54Who will they replace him with?
03:55Someone said to me they could put up a pumpkin for the Nationals and have her to go in.
04:00Wow.
04:01They tried having the leader of the Liberal Party as a potato and that didn't work.
04:05Exactly, that's a good point.
04:06Let's head overseas.
04:08Prince Andrew.
04:09Prince Andrew.
04:09Prince Andrew gives up his royal titles and will no longer be known as the Duke of York.
04:15That's a shame.
04:18Prince Andrew will no longer be using his royal titles like the Duke of York.
04:22Meaning he is now the Duke of Nowhere.
04:26Bad luck.
04:27That's catchy.
04:28He still maintains the title of the Earl of Epstein Island, which is good news.
04:33This was massive news in the UK and the reaction from the palace and the public was swift.
04:38And it just, it's like a dog that keeps on barking and I wish it would just get put down.
04:42Yeah.
04:42The dog get put down.
04:44Yeah, I don't understand.
04:44Metaphorically.
04:45No, I understand.
04:45Also, I don't think you're supposed to put a dog down just for barking.
04:50That feels...
04:51Well, the Bondi vet would disagree.
04:54So, he won't be using his titles.
04:56Exactly.
04:56What else?
04:57I'm told that he's not even going to be invited to Christmas.
05:00Aww.
05:01But every Christmas needs a creepy uncle.
05:03Yes.
05:03That's what Christmas is all about.
05:05Not only will he not be invited to Christmas...
05:07He made sure he was banished from playing Monopoly at Christmas.
05:10Indeed, banished tertiary.
05:13Why can't he just go directly to jail and not pass down?
05:16No.
05:17And not collect $200?
05:18No, no, no.
05:18I don't know.
05:19I know.
05:20We don't know.
05:21Did you know?
05:23Yeah.
05:23Apparently, he was once introduced to the girl who won second prize in a beauty contest.
05:27Wow.
05:27He was staring at a community chest.
05:32Anyway, let's move on.
05:32Let's move on.
05:33So, what does Andrew have left?
05:35Andrew is a bit of a recluse now.
05:36He apparently spends a great deal of his time either playing video games or, most lately,
05:42watching aircraft take off a land.
05:48This is weird.
05:49I feel like Prince Andrew is just my boyfriend.
05:51Those are his exact same hobbies.
05:53Got a lot in common.
05:55That's going to make a great promo.
05:57No, he does.
05:59He sits at home playing video games.
06:00He plays Call of No Duty.
06:02Oh, wow.
06:02That's good.
06:03That is very good.
06:05That is good.
06:06Moving on now.
06:07And I think we were all shocked this week to hear the news of that brazen act at one of
06:12the world's most sacred of sites.
06:15A would-be robber at a Gold Coast service station.
06:18Yes.
06:19Sadly, the Hope Energy service station in biggerer waters has come under fire from thieves.
06:25Yes, thankfully, there was a brave hero standing by.
06:28The tradie, a service station regular called Murray, told Seven News he was, quote, shitting
06:33himself, but something had to be done.
06:37Well done to Murray the tradie.
06:40Well, shitting himself.
06:42That story was covered on a lot of news outlets.
06:45I noticed only in the New Zealand version did they not censor the phrase shitting himself.
06:50Really?
06:50Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
06:51Murray's now booked on the first flight to the Louvre, which is great.
06:55Well done to Murray the tradie.
06:56An incredible effort.
06:57Murray doesn't think he's a hero, but seeing the takedown for himself, he does admit, it's
07:03pretty impressive.
07:04Oh, I'd have to give that a 9.5, mate.
07:069.5?
07:07Exactly.
07:08Yeah, it's like, what about the other judges?
07:10Greg Revel Horwood.
07:13Just got to watch that leading elbow.
07:15Yeah, that's true.
07:16Let's head to Paris.
07:17Breaking news from Paris.
07:18This is an amazing story.
07:24It was huge.
07:25It was massive news in France.
07:32And genuinely, this was the next story on French TV.
07:40That headline, mashed potato is sacred.
07:44That mash was stolen.
07:45It once belonged to Monsieur Potato Head.
07:50This is a big heist.
07:51No, this was the break-in at the Louvre.
07:53Yes, it was.
07:54Where a lot was stolen, right, Tim?
07:55So what do we know about this heist?
07:57Well, we know roughly everything except the main thing, which is where are the jewels and
08:02who stole them?
08:04We know nothing.
08:05We know everything.
08:06We know everything.
08:06What we do know is that the thieves used this ladder that was parked out the front the day
08:14before.
08:15That's amazing.
08:16I can see how people missed us.
08:17Yes.
08:19What happened to the ladder?
08:21Round the back, the famous ladder used by the thieves on Sunday has been taken away.
08:26Wow, what a high security operation.
08:29You weren't just going to leave the ladder and the window open and we can help ourselves?
08:33That is the famous ladder.
08:34We have vision of the alleged offenders.
08:37The robber is breaking into cabinets containing priceless jewels.
08:41I think the mistake the robber made was this.
08:43I wouldn't have had the black circle around me at the time.
08:46That really drew attention to him.
08:49It just focuses the eyes.
08:51I wouldn't have done that.
08:52But sadly, the thieves are still at large.
08:55The offenders are still on the run.
08:57There they are there.
08:58Grab them.
08:59Grab them.
09:00Get them.
09:01I mean, let's face it, it should have been pretty easy for the police to track them out
09:04for their afternoon jewel heist.
09:07So, what did these thieves steal?
09:10Brown jewels.
09:11Including a tiara.
09:12This is an emerald necklace.
09:13Diamond brooches.
09:14And corsage bow.
09:15That belonged to the Empress Eugenie, wife of Napoleon III.
09:19Fun fact.
09:19The first documented proof of resting bitch face.
09:25That is amazing.
09:27So, what happens to the eight priceless items the robbers stole?
09:31You can't just put them on Facebook Marketplace.
09:34Can you imagine?
09:36Is it still available?
09:37Yes, it's still available.
09:39It's up.
09:40Amazingly, authorities have since located the stolen jewels
09:43at La Cache Converters out the front there.
09:47This all sounds like something out of Hollywood.
09:50It's the ultimate heist.
09:51This is something you see in movies like Ocean's 11 and Ocean's 12.
09:55So, wouldn't it be a third example?
09:57Maybe Ocean's 13 as well?
09:59Yes, exactly.
10:00This whole thing, it's got the stink of a Hollywood movie, doesn't it?
10:04And it reminded 2GB's Mark Levy of one of the all-time great films.
10:08Sounds like something out of a Hollywood movie.
10:10Catherine Zeta-Jones and Sean Connery, whatever that movie was called,
10:14where they broke into the museum and stole the artworks and everything else.
10:17Wow.
10:18He's like a human IMDb, isn't he?
10:20Yes.
10:21Yes, it reminds me of something I can't remember.
10:25In Mark's defence, I know what he's talking about.
10:27It is exactly like the 1999 thriller,
10:30that movie where they broke into the museum and stole the artworks and everything else.
10:34A great film.
10:35We've got to take a break.
10:35Back with plenty more entertainment right after this.
10:38Welcome back to the TV.
10:49Great to have you with us.
10:51Let's take a look at what's making headlines.
10:53Breaking news.
10:54Breaking news.
10:55A massive outage affecting around 1,000 apps and websites.
10:59Oh, my God.
11:00Roblox was down.
11:01How did you cope, Tim?
11:02I know.
11:02It's tough.
11:03I had a rough night.
11:04Ashley Madison was down as well.
11:05It was just a real inconvenience.
11:08This was a major worldwide outage overnight.
11:12And you're right.
11:12It affected over 1,000 websites, including...
11:15Duolingo, the educational online platform.
11:19Duolingo.
11:20It's tough.
11:20Kel Katastrophe.
11:23It's all I remember from Duolingo.
11:25Genuinely, it was Wordle, it was Duolingo, it was Microsoft Office.
11:29Thank God Thirsty Camel was OK,
11:31because otherwise my mum would have had nothing to do.
11:33Nothing to do.
11:34That is tough.
11:35Thankfully, there was a simple explanation.
11:37Based on our investigation,
11:39the issue appears to be related to DNS resolution
11:42of the DynamoDB API endpoint in US East 1.
11:49That's exactly what I was saying it could have been.
11:51Yes.
11:52In fairness, you did say that.
11:53Yeah.
11:54If only Duolingo wasn't down, we could translate that.
11:58Hey, let's move on.
11:58Let's head to WA now,
12:00where one of our favourite annual events,
12:02the Telethon, was held over the weekend.
12:04There it is, ladies and gentlemen.
12:06That is an amazing amount of money they raised.
12:17It's tough.
12:17I'm going to say no deal.
12:19I think we can get more.
12:20That's not how that works.
12:20I think we can get more.
12:21No, no, no.
12:21This is an amazing amount of money raised.
12:24Well done, WA.
12:25Another incredible Telethon weekend.
12:27Where donations came flooding into the phone room.
12:29We want these phones to ring.
12:31Are we ringing?
12:33So what do people have to do?
12:37Ring?
12:37Great.
12:39Exactly.
12:39Wow, and full start.
12:41Exactly.
12:42Well done to the Telethon.
12:43And look, with the donations flooding in,
12:45everyone was very excited.
12:47I think so.
12:47So who do we have over there next?
12:49Francisco, how do you feel about that?
12:51I feel really excited about that.
12:52I have a lot of friends on you right now.
12:54Yeah.
12:55What?
12:58Duolingo!
12:59Duolingo!
12:59You need us!
13:01Ah, forget it.
13:03The Telethon is a mammoth live event
13:06over the whole weekend in WA.
13:09It was a weekend of amazing entertainment,
13:11which all started with...
13:12Upstairs on level one,
13:14Fat Cat got the party started.
13:17Whoa!
13:19Jess!
13:22There were also so many incredible musical performances.
13:27Sing along if you know the words.
13:29Yeah.
13:31Oh, I just want to hear that voice.
13:35OK.
13:36I think it's an instrumental.
13:38Do we need backup singers?
13:42Yes, well done to that band.
13:44That was, of course, stock music.
13:47With their hit, instrumental jazz number six.
13:50That's so good.
13:50Do yourself a favour.
13:52Kids got right into the Telethon spirit,
13:54raising money and baking for a very good cause.
13:57And that's what this is all about.
13:59Baking, raising money.
14:01It is incredible.
14:02Give yourselves a round of applause.
14:04It's a great opportunity to get involved.
14:06They're holding signs, Karen.
14:08They can't applause.
14:10To be fair, they've just made a Beef Wellington,
14:12so they're a bit sketchy.
14:13These kids raised over $19,000.
14:16An amazing work.
14:17Well done to all the kids in WA.
14:19And it was an important opportunity to share a very special message.
14:22Absolutely incredible.
14:24Congratulations.
14:25Is that a pretty special feeling?
14:27My dad was a sausage.
14:30Sorry.
14:30My dad was a sausage.
14:34Oh, your dad was a sausage.
14:36Of course.
14:39Stanley, during the Bunnings segment.
14:45Interviewing kids, it's all about striking the right tone.
14:48And do you like eating the things?
14:50Do you have to taste test them yourself?
14:52Yes.
14:53You do?
14:53And do you have a favourite?
14:55No, it's like all of them.
14:57You're like me.
14:57One day, you too might be one of the hugest women on Australian television.
15:01What will they say?
15:04Okay.
15:04Stop eating, child.
15:07I might do with the hugest woman on Australian television.
15:10Joe meant that in a very self-deprecating way, our lawyers are telling us.
15:15Well done, Joe Griggs.
15:16And everyone who volunteered at Telefon, and everyone who donated,
15:19went into the draw to win a car, which was given away live by Larry Emder.
15:25Let's see who won.
15:26Hey, Mel, you've won a new car.
15:30Shit, yeah, I'm out of here.
15:31No, no, no, come back, come back, come back, come back.
15:34Come back, I don't have a mistake anymore.
15:36You stay there.
15:40Actually, I do.
15:41I'll come back.
15:42Please come back.
15:43Because you've come just in time.
15:44We have to talk about this.
15:45Because the big event this week.
15:46The annual Town Crier Championships in Canberra.
15:49Mm-hmm.
15:51This was huge.
15:52The annual Town Crier competition.
15:54And sadly, this year, was met with rough conditions.
15:59It was a blustery day in more ways than one.
16:08Unfortunately, the wind really got up and just drived me out.
16:13So it was really difficult to get the end of my first cry.
16:16If only there was someone to alert everyone about it.
16:18Exactly.
16:19With a loud, booming voice.
16:21Thankfully, no one was hurt.
16:23I got hit in the back with the flying pagoda.
16:26I'm sorry.
16:27Everyone except Alan were fine.
16:29But we should say a big congratulations to the winner.
16:33The Town Crier with the loudest voice in Australia.
16:36Mm-hmm.
16:37Let's hear the winning voice.
16:40That goes for four and a half minutes.
16:50And it goes even longer because, excitingly, we can hear that beautiful voice now.
16:54Would you please welcome to the cheap seats, Town Crier champion, Kevin Howard.
16:59This is amazing.
17:05This might be the first time that we've crossed to a town crier on a satellite link.
17:12Bibi, bibi, bibi, bibi.
17:13Yes.
17:14How are you guys?
17:15I love the show.
17:17We love you, Kevin, because you are officially the Town Crier champion, the loudest voice in Australia.
17:23Where did your love of town crying come from?
17:26Well, it's quite funny.
17:28I'm a POM, originally, and I was with my mum and dad many, many years ago.
17:33I was about seven, and we were in a village.
17:35Kevin, I'm just going to interject here.
17:37We probably don't have time for your whole life.
17:38Oh, no, what happened?
17:43The town cry there.
17:44My dad said to me, Kevin, you could be the Town Crier.
17:47I said, why?
17:48He said, you've got a voice like a foggle.
17:50Yay!
17:55We saw a little glimpse of the championships there.
17:59The weather looked nuts.
18:00Did that affect your performance on the day?
18:03Oh, of course, Mel.
18:05Look, my hat.
18:06I've got one of the best hats of everybody with all my ostrich feathers,
18:09but it's not conducive to being in the wind.
18:13I've got to get another hat, which is more aerodynamic.
18:15I had to chase it, and, of course, I wore a kilt, and it wasn't very good.
18:20You know what I'm saying.
18:21I have to keep crossing my legs, Mel.
18:23And it's so hard work, you know, when I'm chasing the hat all over the place.
18:28We're loving this.
18:29Last night, Sam Pang had Russell Crowe in the studio, and we're chatting to the champion town cry.
18:36Now, Kevin, sadly, when your kilt blew up, you were the only one crying that day.
18:41Hey, calm down.
18:43Kevin, town crying.
18:46So, in the old days, it was about announcing really important, significant news.
18:51What's the most important announcement that you've ever delivered as the official town crier?
18:57Well, actually, it's what I say.
18:59When I go around to schools and talking to kids, the kids say, what's a town crier?
19:03And, of course, we were the original Google.
19:05So, I've done birthdays.
19:09I've done christenings.
19:09I did a lady who was 102, and after I rung my bell, she didn't make it to 103.
19:15LAUGHTER
19:16No, I'm only joking.
19:18LAUGHTER
19:19Well, you know, I've written a little cry for you guys.
19:26Is that OK?
19:27Oh, we would love to hear a cry.
19:28Please.
19:29Oh, yay!
19:31Oh, yay!
19:34LAUGHTER
19:34Because what's happening is sometimes Zoom will detect too loud of a noise
19:46and automatically mute your microphone in order to get rid of any background noise.
19:52We are interviewing Australia's loudest voice, and we cannot hear him.
19:57OK, but a bit lower.
19:58A bit lower.
19:59Yes, please.
20:00OK.
20:01Oh, yay.
20:01Oh, yay.
20:02Oh, yay.
20:03No, you're just the town reader.
20:07Can I do the cry for you now?
20:08Yes, yes, yes.
20:08Please, please, please, please.
20:10Oh, yay, oh, yay.
20:13Mel and Tim in the cheap seats land, cracking it up with a rowdy crowd.
20:19Jokes that fly sharp and fast, moments made to always last.
20:24Great interviews, good vibes flow, lights stay bright, enjoy the show.
20:30Wow.
20:30I thank you.
20:31Thank you, Kevin, that was great.
20:40Sadly, we must now take an ad break.
20:43So, on that note, would you please congratulate Australia's town crime champion, Kevin Howard?
20:49Welcome back to the cheap seat.
21:07Coming out in the same segment all the way from Nova FM, it's...
21:10A serial complainer.
21:12There she is.
21:12I'm not a serial complainer when I'm eating Kellogg's Nutri-Grain high-protein crunch, real nourishment for real.
21:26Absolutely amazing.
21:26I think we do have some Kellogg's here, by the way, which is great.
21:29Of course.
21:30And nice of you to come dressed up as Special K as well, by the way.
21:32Oh, yum.
21:36Delicious.
21:37Shall we talk showbiz?
21:38Let's talk.
21:39Big thank you to Kellogg's.
21:40Great to have them back on board.
21:41Okay, let's start with The Golden Bachelor, because it started last night.
21:50And for those unfamiliar, think The Bachelor for baby boomers.
21:53But don't worry, they didn't lean into the age thing.
21:56I've got my runners on.
21:58That's my thing.
22:00Did you wear that one?
22:01I wore them on the red carpet.
22:03Oh, my kids will hate me saying this, but they're so comfortable for my bunions.
22:10You know, not even bunion chat can put me off the delicious taste of gallons.
22:17So, The Golden Bachelor, a 61-year-old widower Bear, and he met a group of lovely ladies on the arrivals carpet.
22:29Ooh, a head's fat.
22:30Oh, my God.
22:43I unfortunately got caught on her bunions.
22:47Rumour has it she's still in the car.
22:49And it was so lovely to see the way the single older generation connected.
22:54What do you do for work?
22:55I am CEO and founder of tech company.
22:58I'm into technology as well.
22:59No way.
23:01Oh, my God.
23:02Oh, my God.
23:03Oh, my God.
23:06What?
23:07What are the odds?
23:07Oh, my God.
23:08What are the odds?
23:09The only other person on the planet who likes technology.
23:13And he wasn't shocked when he said his name was Bear.
23:16That's crazy.
23:18Do you know what?
23:18They actually tried out three beers, but the first one was too hot.
23:22The Amazing Race Celebrity Edition wrapped up last night.
23:32The celebrities finished up in Indonesia, but I'm not sure Aisha knew where she was.
23:36You look so handsome.
23:39You look like Aladdin.
23:41Okay.
23:42Yeah, let me take this.
23:42Different culture, but yeah.
23:44Oh, yeah.
23:46For Aisha, it was a whole new world.
23:50Aisha and her partner Scott made it to the finale.
23:52Oh, my God.
23:53We've got a procession following us, Scott.
23:55Oh, here you go.
23:55Hello.
23:56This is so special.
23:59Oh, no.
23:59I just farted and then walking into it.
24:01Oh, good.
24:09Shining, shimmering, strange.
24:14But congratulations.
24:15Wait.
24:16It's a better lyric.
24:17What did they say?
24:17Let your fart decide.
24:19Congratulations to Stephen and Bernard Currie, who won.
24:25They were well-deserved winners.
24:27The race is tough.
24:27They're travelling.
24:28They're tired.
24:29Let's see one of their final efforts.
24:31It's actually taking almost all of my will and self-control to not lose my cool in this moment.
24:39The stakes are so high.
24:40There's $100,000 on the line.
24:44And this charity is extremely close to our hearts.
24:48What is this challenge?
24:50I think that challenge is called the Miss Mary Mack.
24:55All dressed in black.
24:56Oh.
24:57Yeah.
24:58Yeah.
24:58I was more familiar with slime yuck.
25:01That's my sort of go-to.
25:03What's slime yuck?
25:03Slime yuck.
25:04Usually it's supposed to do it with a frame.
25:14I do it alone.
25:20Who would have thought?
25:23My boyfriend is Prince Andrew was not the saddest revelation.
25:26That you would reveal tonight.
25:32All right.
25:32Let's move on to MKR, where everyone's favourite couple, the Meat Master, and his long-suffering
25:38partner Riley were sadly eliminated last night.
25:41But they did have one last chance to impress the judges.
25:43You created crème brûlée doughnuts.
25:47Mmm.
25:48I think I'm going to steal that recipe.
25:50Oh.
25:51Oh my God.
25:53That is such a massive honour to hear Manu say, I want your doughnut recipe.
25:57That'll make it slightly better.
25:59Classic Manu, giving the contestants doughnuts.
26:05Do you know how he stole it?
26:06He had a ladder on the side of the set, and what he did, he climbed to the top and...
26:10Continuing on seven is the voice, and tensions are rife now that they've entered the semi-finals.
26:15Well, Richard, you have a very difficult decision to make at the end of the season.
26:18No shit, Sonia.
26:19Yeah.
26:22Richard Marks, or as we now call him, Dick Marks.
26:25If you have Dick Marks, you should get them checked out.
26:30Good point.
26:33Let's talk about pop diva Mariah Carey.
26:35She's currently down under.
26:36Is it Christmas already?
26:38Close.
26:39I'm dressed like it is.
26:40She's here for the Friday's live tour.
26:42It kicked off in Brisbane, and during her performance, Mariah decided to try an Australian delicacy.
26:47Okay.
26:51Veggie, look at it.
26:53No!
26:55Mariah, no!
26:56Don't do it!
26:58That's a big joke.
27:02No.
27:05That was the same response she gave when they asked her to sing live.
27:11Let's do it wrong, right?
27:12It's like, Americans come over and, like, try Vegemite, like we eat it, with a big spoon,
27:17and we just shovel it into our mouths.
27:19Yeah.
27:20No, you need to mix it with beer and drink it out of a shoe.
27:22We all know that.
27:23That's why we're all happy little Vegemites.
27:26All right.
27:26Over the weekend, the fifth annual Academy Museum Gala took place in LA, and I'm sure
27:30we've all seen...
27:31You were saying that like we all know what you're talking about.
27:32We all know what it is.
27:34Oh, the fifth one, of course, because we remember the other four.
27:36Um, but we've all seen Kim Kardashian's outfit.
27:40Okay.
27:40Yeah.
27:41Wearing a face mask and neck jewels.
27:43I think we know who just came from the Louvre.
27:47Uh, so the media had a field day covering this unusual look.
27:50Everyone is talking about this look from Kim Kardashian that covered her entire face.
27:56The socialite says she couldn't see a thing.
27:58No shit, Sonia.
27:59Yeah, exactly.
28:00Exactly.
28:01And that's why we can ask an entertainment.
28:03So to please thank Mel Drusina!
28:05It's been another massive week in the world of sports, so we thought we'd recap some of
28:24the biggest highlights and stories.
28:26Where do we start?
28:26Well, the Diamonds have completed the first step to reclaiming the Constellation Cup.
28:31Australia thumped New Zealand in Game 1, 69-52 in Melbourne.
28:35The Aussies posting their highest ever score against the Silver Ferns.
28:42You know what?
28:44I don't think we need to cover women's sport this week.
28:46I think we can move on.
28:48No.
28:49Every single sentence of that got better and better and better.
28:52The Diamonds thumping the Silver Ferns.
28:54Oh no.
28:55I was at the game.
28:56They even interviewed me at halftime talking about getting netball into the Olympics.
29:00I don't think they wanted me to be on the broadcast though because they talked to me during
29:04the ad break.
29:04Like, this was them coming back from halftime.
29:07And there's me on the Jumbo Tron.
29:11And I don't know why I choose to flex.
29:17That was when we were only down by two.
29:19I thought we had a shot.
29:21Moving on.
29:22Let's talk about that huge retirement announcement.
29:25Hanging up the goggles, Australian Olympic swimming champion Arianne Titmuss retires at 25.
29:32What an absolute champion.
29:34An amazing legacy.
29:35And it's got many people asking, what is next for Arianne?
29:38Whatever she does, she's going to be the best at it.
29:41So if she's flipping furniture on Marketplace, she'll be the best at doing that.
29:46She's selling some crown jewels.
29:48She'll be the best.
29:49I think she'll be fine.
29:49I think she'll be great.
29:50It's also not flipping, it's tumble turning.
29:52And how can you sum up the amazing athlete in just a few words?
29:59You know, she was the goofy girl at home and she loves spag bol.
30:05I will point out, that was her father.
30:08Not just some random spaghetti aficionado.
30:11Well done to Steve and Arianne Titmuss.
30:13An amazing career.
30:15You know, Steve isn't retiring.
30:18He's still working.
30:19I reckon he should.
30:23Moving on now.
30:24And there was another big departure in the world of sport.
30:26Aussie Ange Postacoglu got the sack from Nottingham Forest.
30:31Ange Postacoglu has been relieved of his duties as head coach with immediate effect.
30:36They announced that on the big screen that, like, he was fired and everyone was cheering.
30:42Yeah!
30:44They were just happy to see someone on the big screen that wasn't Mel, so that was great.
30:48Ange Postacoglu, Aussie Ange, 39 days in charge.
30:52It is one of the shortest reigns in Premier League history.
30:55I think it's probably the right time.
30:57I think he had a good run.
30:59What?
31:00He had a good run?
31:02That's the owner, so he's got a lot to answer for.
31:05Let's move on to the F1 now, with the US Grand Prix wrapped up over the weekend.
31:10At the Circuit of the Americas.
31:11And things are a little different at Austin.
31:13There's just so much more.
31:14Everything is at such a heightened level.
31:17So that's something to get used to on top of the travel and the tracks and the people
31:21and everything.
31:22But I would love to see that.
31:27Everything's at a heightened level.
31:28Everything is next level.
31:30Well done, Simon Lonesome.
31:31There's a little rat under that hat.
31:32What?
31:33Controlling him.
31:35Max Verstappen took out the race.
31:36He's just 40 points behind Aussie Oscar Piastri.
31:39And, of course, the Grand Prix began with the traditional national anthem.
31:43And the home of the brave.
31:50A beautiful performance.
31:52And here comes ice agents ready to deport him.
31:56It was a lovely touch.
31:58This makes a lot of pressure.
32:00Not just for the drivers, but for the reporters as well.
32:03Commentators, presenters, Sky Sports analyst Karun Chandok here when he's trying to hide
32:08a sneeze.
32:09In fact, I've just seen him go into the stewards' room with their supporting director, Andy
32:13Stevenson.
32:13So I'm pretty sure the stewards, they're going to have a word about that.
32:16Back to you.
32:18Yeah, OK.
32:18Let's...
32:19Well, I'm correct.
32:22Those drivers are tell fast.
32:23Exactly.
32:25Well done.
32:26And the job of any commentator is to choose the right words to perfectly encapsulate the
32:32feeling, the action, the excitement.
32:34And Sky Sports, Crofty, nailed it with this phrase.
32:36I keep getting reminded of that scene in Jurassic Park.
32:39Two people sat in a jeep trying to escape the dinosaurs and there's a T-Rex charging
32:43after them.
32:44That's exactly what it was like.
32:45Exactly like that.
32:47And it reminds me of that classic movie.
32:49Two people sat in a jeep trying to escape the dinosaurs and there's a T-Rex charging after
32:53them.
32:54On that note, we've got to take a break.
32:56Our special guest, Geraldine Hickey, is next.
33:10Welcome back to the peep seat.
33:12And it's time for our next guest.
33:15Geraldine Hickey.
33:16Geraldine Hickey.
33:17Geraldine Hickey.
33:18Okay, who am I speaking to?
33:20Geraldine Hickey.
33:20G'day, Geraldine.
33:21We're having the best we'll do.
33:22Bang.
33:23Got it.
33:24This is mostly for the people that have dug out agapampus.
33:27We are so excited to welcome comedian Geraldine Hickey.
33:32Thank you, Jess.
33:33So nice to have you on the show.
33:34Thank you so much for joining us.
33:35I'm so excited to be here.
33:37We're so excited to have you.
33:38It's a pretty special week for you.
33:39For those who may not know, you are a huge bird lover.
33:42Yeah, both types.
33:46We have a shot here of you at your wedding.
33:51Yes.
33:52In this amazing embroidered suit with birds on it.
33:56Yeah, I had pink galahs drinking wine.
33:59Why not?
34:00Yeah, love them.
34:02Beautiful.
34:02Is that what you should pour into your bird feeder?
34:04Just a bit of millow?
34:05Or maybe, no, water's good.
34:08Okay, good to know, good to know.
34:10Or tequila.
34:11No, water, water.
34:13So you're a massive bird lover and you are an ambassador for an event that's happening all week,
34:18the Aussie Bird Count.
34:20Yes.
34:20What's that all about?
34:21Would you believe?
34:22Counting birds.
34:24Whoa.
34:25Thank you so much for joining us and just clearing that up because...
34:28Do you go, duck, duck, goose?
34:32100%.
34:33But yeah, you spend 20 minutes observing birds around you.
34:37That could be in your backyard or your favourite park.
34:39And then you submit that list to BirdLife Australia and basically they use that to get a snapshot
34:46of how our birds are faring.
34:49One in six birds in Australia face threats of extinction.
34:54And also it's Australia's largest citizen science event.
34:59Wow.
35:00Yeah, so forget citizens' arrests.
35:02It's all about citizen science this week.
35:04Sadly, a lot of those birds get turned into town criers' hats.
35:09It does.
35:10It does.
35:10It does.
35:10It's a shame.
35:11Did you see many birds in your local area?
35:13Uh, yeah.
35:15My wife and...
35:17No.
35:18Did you send her details off to the citizen science?
35:21Is she endangered as well?
35:24No.
35:25No.
35:25No.
35:25Yes.
35:26No.
35:27Great.
35:27The other big bird news this week, the Australian Bird of the Year competition.
35:33Yeah.
35:36Tell us about Bird of the Year.
35:38So Bird of the Year, it's run every two years and...
35:41Why is it?
35:44Yeah, I didn't...
35:45I hate to nitpick.
35:47I know, I know.
35:47Nitpick is actually one of the birds that was nominated this year.
35:52So it happens every two years?
35:53It happens every two years.
35:54Uh, previous winners have included, uh, the, the Magpite.
35:59I think the Collingwood Football Club might have had something to do with that.
36:03Oh, my gosh.
36:03I know that.
36:04But also...
36:05Some sort of election interference?
36:06Yeah.
36:07Okay.
36:07Yep.
36:08That's fair.
36:08But then, uh, the last one was won by the Swift Parrot.
36:12The Swift Parrot?
36:13Swift, yeah.
36:13Nice.
36:14I think Swifties might have had a hand in that.
36:17I thought you were implying the New South Wales netball team, but...
36:21That's fine.
36:22And many years before that, the Putin-crested cockatoo won for many years.
36:27We suspect interference there as well.
36:29Well, let's find out, shall we?
36:31Winner.
36:31The winner of Australian Bird of the Year.
36:35The 2025 Bird of the Year winner is the...
36:38Tawny Frogmouth.
36:39Wow!
36:41Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
36:44Huge!
36:45The Tawny Frogmouth, huge, huge win.
36:48Um, what took us through the Tawny Frogmouth?
36:51Well, you know, so the Tawny Frogmouth, it had been runner-up since 2019.
36:56There it is there.
36:57So it's been runner-up every year.
36:59Every year.
37:00Always the birds made.
37:02Yeah.
37:02Never the birds.
37:05Runner-up every year, but it didn't give two hoots.
37:08But, I know it sounds like I made a really good owl pun there, but it's actually...
37:14Well, let me say really good.
37:15Yeah, it's...
37:15Well, OK.
37:18I know I made it sound like I made an owl pun there.
37:21Yes, yes.
37:22But it's not an owl.
37:23A lot of people think the Tawny Frogmouth's an owl, but it's not, because to be an owl...
37:28Like, an owl is a bird of prey, so it's a raptor.
37:30So to be a raptor, you need talons.
37:33So just think...
37:33Where's the Tawny Frogmouth?
37:35It's a bird.
37:40Walks right into that one.
37:42Geraldine, you started this segment by clearing up a lot of important information for us, and
37:46now I could not be more confused.
37:48What do you need to know?
37:49So the Tawny Frogmouth won despite being a fake owl.
37:53No, no, no, no.
37:54No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
37:56No.
37:58A lot of people assume the Tawny Frogmouth.
38:00It's like you're not even listening.
38:01A lot of people assume the Tawny Frogmouth is an owl.
38:06That does not give it any leverage in the competition.
38:08It's just a commonly misheld conception about the bird.
38:12It doesn't mean it's not a bird.
38:15It's not owl of the year.
38:17Get your head in the game.
38:26Anyway, we've gone way out of the...
38:28We are very excited to have you on and talk about birds.
38:31I am a bird...
38:32I love birds too.
38:34Yes.
38:34Only one kind.
38:36But I...
38:37I...
38:37I...
38:39I've got this app, Merlin, where you take photos of birds and you log them in your little
38:44logbook, sort of like a Pokedex for birds.
38:46Yeah.
38:46Do you have this app?
38:47And then when you get a new one, it goes pew, lifer.
38:50New lifer.
38:51Yeah.
38:51It's very exciting.
38:52Yeah.
38:52How many birds do you have?
38:54I haven't...
38:55I don't know.
38:56I haven't counted.
38:56I've got a hundred...
38:57I've got a hundred and nine.
38:59All right.
39:01Hey, Jess, before we let you go, apparently it says here you've got something for us.
39:05Oh, yeah.
39:06Bit of fun.
39:07I thought out of the top ten birds from Bird of the Year, I would pick, like, which bird
39:12would you be?
39:12Oh, fun.
39:13Okay.
39:13So, Mel, you are the...
39:16I went for the Bushstone Curlew.
39:18Do you know it?
39:21Hard to know what you see.
39:23Yeah, not just for the looks.
39:24All right.
39:25There is the long legs and those beautiful eyes.
39:28Yes.
39:28But also, both of you, most active at night.
39:31Oh, yes.
39:32And the Bushstone Curlew, its call sounds like a woman screaming.
39:36Do you want to...
39:40Let's listen to it.
39:41Whistling
39:42I do not sound like that.
39:54It does nothing like me.
39:56No, no, but your call is, here if you need.
39:59Yeah, yeah, yeah.
40:00So what was the name of that bird again?
40:03That's a Bushstone Curlew.
40:04Bushstone Curlew?
40:05My mating call is, you up.
40:08Really?
40:10It's very similar.
40:11Very similar.
40:13And, Tim, you're the little penguin.
40:15Oh.
40:16Yeah.
40:17Cute, right?
40:18Yeah.
40:18Class is a bird but can't fly.
40:22Just like you're a motorsports enthusiast but can't drive.
40:27That's nice.
40:30And you can see him.
40:32Japanese tourists love taking photos of me.
40:35And you look good in a suit.
40:37You can see him scuttling around St Kilda.
40:41Jez, that was absolutely so much fun.
40:43Thank you for joining us in a very special Bird Week.
40:44Jez is doing shows at the Sydney Opera House in February next year.
40:47Check out comedy.com.au for more info.
40:50Would you please thank Geraldine Hickey?
40:52Welcome back to the Chief Feats.
41:06Thanks all right for watching this week.
41:08And just finally...
41:09A larger-than-life Aussie has tried to beat the Germans at their own game, attempting to
41:14claim a world record for carrying 24 steins over 50 metres.
41:20Oh, dear.
41:21He stole the very famous French crown lagers.
41:24Oh, my gosh.
41:26He should have gone with light beer.
41:28Would have been ready.
41:29Yes.
41:29What was that?
41:34Was that 24 stars?
41:35Yeah.
41:36Or as my mother calls it, a Monday morning.
41:39Bye to mum.
41:40It was part of a string of world records that we've seen over the years.
41:45There's also the largest collection of bricks.
41:47You can see this guy is definitely a brick guy.
41:50He loves those bricks.
41:51There's this fellow.
41:52The next bloke is a big one.
41:54If you're hungry, he ate this entire plane.
41:58Cut it up and ate it.
41:59This guy, most number of bees on one person.
42:02I feel like we moved on from the guy who ate the plane way too quickly.
42:05Way too quickly.
42:06That is crazy.
42:07Oh, my Qantas is delayed.
42:09Someone's eaten the plane.
42:11Tuck in.
42:11Not again.
42:12Well, speaking of achievements, it's time to award our...
42:15Exactly.
42:16...reporter of the bees.
42:20This is the segment where we honour and pay tribute to reporters right across the country.
42:24And so this week we wanted to honour Sky News reporter Kenny Heatley,
42:27who this week retired after 17 years on Australian TV.
42:32Thank you so much for your efforts and your company.
42:35You've done thousands of crosses here on First Edition and not once was a hair out of place.
42:40Not once.
42:42Not once.
42:43We're getting one hair out of place.
42:48But thankfully on Sky News, it is leaning to the right.
42:51So that's where it needs to go.
42:52That is perfect.
42:53Well done, Kenny.
42:54Congratulations on an amazing career.
42:55You are out.
42:56The supporter of the week.
43:01And that is our show.
43:02A big thank you to all our guests.
43:03Geraldine Hickey, Kevin Howard, and Nell Trasena.
43:06We'll see you next week right here in the Chiefs.
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