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The Cheap Seats
The Cheap Seats (2021)S05E24
The Cheap Seats (2021) Season 5 Episode 24
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FunTranscript
00:00Tonight, from across Australia and around the world, it's time to look back and unpack
00:07the week from the cheap seats with special guest, UK comedian, Rob Beckett.
00:14And now, here are your hosts, Melody Bracewell and Tim McDonald.
00:20Good evening, thank you for joining us.
00:22Good evening, cheers, Melody.
00:23Great to have you with us for another week as we look back on the biggest news stories.
00:27And how's this for a line-up?
00:29A turtle, a lizard, a python and a Christian minister.
00:33Perfect line-up.
00:35There was also a hundred chameleons, but no-one noticed.
00:38Let's kick off in Canberra with the Prime Minister and for the Albanese.
00:42He made a huge announcement.
00:43The PM finally seals a defence deal with Papua New Guinea.
00:47Yes, this is a defence treaty with Papua New Guinea, the biggest treaty signed since Nicole and Keith's divorce settlement.
00:55It was a huge day.
00:56This is the first new alliance Australia, I think, who signed in over 70 years.
01:00Over seven decades, pretty significant.
01:02What more can you tell us?
01:03Jellyfish don't have reproductive organs.
01:08I saw the man about the treaty, but...
01:10Also, how did you find that out?
01:12Yes.
01:12No.
01:13You don't want to know.
01:14If you do want to know more about jellyfish...
01:17You can learn more about the life cycle and reproduction of jellyfish by clicking on this link.
01:22We're listening to the radio.
01:24You cannot click on that link.
01:25On a link.
01:26It goes on to say HTTPS.
01:28Yes, we'll get the website later.
01:30We'll put it on ours.
01:30Okay, we'll get to it later.
01:31Let's head back to the treaty.
01:32It was signed in Canberra.
01:33The PNG Australia Defence Treaty, that's the PNG Foreign Minister there on the left.
01:38You can see there and...
01:39Just waiting for an Uber?
01:41No.
01:42That is the PNG Foreign Minister, Justin Kachenko, who is all across the details of this treaty.
01:47The treaty with Australia going to be signed today?
01:49I have no idea.
01:52You're the Foreign Minister.
01:53How do you not have an idea about this?
01:56Well, you know, things take time.
01:58We...
01:59Has...
02:00Have they approved this treaty?
02:02Which treaty?
02:02Which treaty with Australia Defence Treaty?
02:05Oh, it's a work in progress.
02:08Okay, so that means it hasn't been approved by Cudnet?
02:12You tell me.
02:13Right.
02:15That's when the teacher calls you on in the class and you haven't done the reading.
02:18He can tell us about jellyfish, though, so we might come back to Justin.
02:21Well, the two leaders sign the treaty.
02:26Very enthused on the left there.
02:28And we'll just wait for the PNG Prime Minister to work out how a folder
02:32works.
02:34They can be tricky.
02:35Okay, if we just close it from that side, but there we go.
02:40Perfect.
02:40And another applause.
02:42I feel a lot better about our partnership with PNG.
02:46Trying to better look out.
02:47Hey, afterwards, Albo and the PNG PM, James Marappe, they held a press conference.
02:51Which ended with this interesting moment.
02:53So, Richard, you might want to take James this into my office while I put that with...
02:59Yeah.
03:00Thanks, Prime Minister.
03:02This in my office.
03:03Yeah.
03:07Yeah.
03:08Other things.
03:08Is he in trouble?
03:12He's not an Amazon delivery.
03:14He's the Prime Minister.
03:16Well, let's move on and check in with the Federal MP for Kennedy, Bob Cadder.
03:20Our fuel is produced overseas.
03:22Our motor vehicles are produced overseas.
03:24Our underwear is produced overseas.
03:27Congratulations, Canberra.
03:29Congratulations.
03:29Congratulations.
03:30Good to see the anger management courses paying off.
03:33Well, I mean, he's talking about foreign-made goods, but some of our senators are made in Lebanon.
03:37So, he's got to be aware of that.
03:40Now, don't say that.
03:41Sorry, sorry.
03:42Sorry.
03:42Look, Bob is upset about the demise of Australian manufacturing, as he explains.
03:49We send our gladiator into the ring and we say, hey, listen, mate, give me your helmet and your shield.
03:55And he said, hey, the other guy's got a helmet and a shield.
03:59Oh, no, you fight without a helmet and a shield, it'll make you tough.
04:03And the gladiator says, well, it'll make me tough.
04:06It'll make me dead.
04:07That's what it'll make me.
04:08And that is why you have no motor vehicle industry in Australia.
04:15Ah, yes.
04:16All those classic gladiators and their Toyota Corollas.
04:20Yes.
04:22Holden don't make the Spartacus anymore.
04:24That was their big selling model.
04:25Remember that famous line from Gladiator where Russell Crowe goes, my name is Maximus Decimus Meridius.
04:31Father to a murdered son.
04:33Owner of a Ford Falcon.
04:35And that's why there's no manufacturing in Australia.
04:38It's unbelievable.
04:39Let's head overseas.
04:40The Pope is out there blessing a gigantic chunk of ice.
04:45He's turning that ice into frosé.
04:48That has a commercial value of $1.3 million and that was at the Church of St. Crystal of Meth.
04:55So there we go there.
04:57Let's move on to the biggest story this week.
05:00Bear 32 or Chunk as his friends and fans call him.
05:04I don't think his friends should call him that.
05:06No.
05:07Chunk or Bear 32, which relates to his cholesterol reading, was crowned the champion despite having a jaw injury.
05:13Leading to this emotional statement from an expert.
05:15We're worried that he would die.
05:19And he's still so fat.
05:22It's just beautiful.
05:26He is so fat.
05:27So fat.
05:28Mind you, there was sad news from the world of wildlife.
05:30The British zoologist and animal rights campaigner, Dame Jane Goodall, has died in America at the age of 91.
05:37Jane lived an incredible life spent working with wildlife.
05:40She spent six decades studying the social and family interactions of chimpanzees in the wild.
05:46Keeping up with the conservationists.
05:48Yeah.
05:49Her methods were very different to the modern methods of modern day conservationists.
05:53Robert Irwin ripped his shirt off.
05:59Welcome back.
06:00He's just established a breeding program there, I think.
06:04That's beautiful.
06:05Well, let's get back to Jane.
06:07And Jane's career all began when she was just 26 years of age.
06:11Legendary paleontologist Louis Leakey.
06:14Hiring Goodall as his assistant.
06:16Tough job.
06:17Those were the four previous assistants.
06:19So, no, we're obviously having a little bit of fun.
06:21Can we say that again?
06:22Those are the former hosts of Studio 10.
06:27Hello, Ica.
06:27Through her research, Jane made a number of incredible discoveries.
06:32The mouth of the jellyfish has multiple functions.
06:35More about chimpanzees is what we were talking about.
06:38Interesting.
06:39She was the first to observe this about chimps.
06:41She proved that chimps used tools and even modified them for particular purposes.
06:46Up until this point, it was thought that only humans could make tools.
06:49But it was when Jane captured this image of a chimpanzee using a Ryobi 18-volt cordless hammer drill.
06:55Well, that's when we knew it was something special.
06:58We've got to take a break.
06:59Back with plenty more on the chimps.
07:00Right after this.
07:13Welcome back to the GameCube.
07:14Great to have you with us.
07:16Lots making news this week.
07:17Let's head to 9 News.
07:18If you're worried about your brain function slipping as you age, don't be.
07:23Next, the study that shows we hit our stride in our late 50s.
07:29So this is a story all about brain power.
07:31And we've noticed a couple of things about the Sudoku here.
07:34This man is confidently filled in the top left square of the Sudoku,
07:40despite not really enough information to do so.
07:43So let's break it down.
07:44In the top left square, we've got a five in the middle.
07:46Well, that's despite the fact that on the other side, there is clearly a five.
07:52Intersecting with the five below that five as well.
07:57Then still in the top left, you'll notice there's a one in the top right column,
08:00which is interesting because if you go down to the bottom, there is a one in that column.
08:05Anyway, I mean, this feels a little more ABC, just doing a live dissection of a Sudoku.
08:11No, it caught our eye.
08:12And speaking of some new research.
08:14OK, doing admin in bed or even the bathroom is becoming increasingly common for sole operators
08:20who are signing up to the concept of working from anywhere, according to new research by MYOB.
08:25Now, to discuss the results and give us some details about how she tackles the workday,
08:30I'm joined by sole operator Sarah DiVoli, fittingly from her bed.
08:33So, Sarah, thanks for fitting us into your afternoon.
08:36Afternoon? Get out of bed!
08:39You can work from home and from the bathroom, and I'm just currently doing that now, actually.
08:43Oh, my God!
08:48Multitasking.
08:49Let's press on.
08:50One square! Not enough!
08:52Well, I'm like Jane Goodall.
08:54I believe in saving the environment.
08:57You're doing a Sudoku on the clock.
08:58Oh, yeah.
09:00Ah, let's move on.
09:01And you do have to be careful when you are working from home.
09:03Detective Constable Niall Thubron was tasked with investigating organised crime and allowed
09:09to work remotely.
09:11But he did get caught slacking off.
09:13Let's take a look.
09:14A misconduct committee found on one occasion last December, a single eye key was pressed
09:20more than 16,000 times in just 90 minutes, a move he repeated 38 times across 12 days.
09:28And that's valid work.
09:29That is valid work.
09:30That is valid work.
09:31I mean, he dotted all those eyes, so he's across the detail.
09:34He has released a statement.
09:36And he told us...
09:37He told us yes.
09:38We might come back to him.
09:40We might come back to him.
09:40We might come back.
09:41Let's move on.
09:42And it's been a big week in Queensland.
09:43Early this morning, a B-double truck carrying a truckload of sardines, potatoes and turnips
09:49crashed.
09:51No one rushed to the scene.
09:55Sardines and turnips.
09:56Well, it's a very exciting opportunity.
10:00Yes, mate.
10:00Plenty of sardines, plenty of turnips and potatoes on the side of the road at the moment.
10:05What a tourism slogan.
10:08Because there's nothing...
10:09The only thing better than a fresh turnip is one on the side of the road.
10:11Do you know sardines don't have reproductive organs?
10:15Wow.
10:15Yeah.
10:16That is beautiful.
10:16Anyway, we'll press on.
10:17Let's move on to the other big story in Queensland.
10:21The Broncos winning the NRL and NRLW Grand Finals on the same day.
10:26The first time that's ever happened.
10:28That's very exciting.
10:29But the wins weren't the best news for Broncos fans.
10:32You'll notice at the very top, Brisbane Broncos actually have shares and they surged 20%.
10:38The Brisbane Broncos are on the share market.
10:41Classic ABC coverage of sport, isn't it?
10:43But let's have a look at these other shares.
10:45You know, I had a lot of money on Sportsbet for the Pilbara Minerals.
10:48Yes.
10:48So I thought they were going to take it out this year.
10:49Yes, and I love Linus Rare Earths.
10:54Great.
10:55Me so blast is what I've just done here on the toilet.
10:57Oh my God.
10:59Look, by the end of the day, Broncos shares had gone up by 40%.
11:04That brings its market value to $180 million.
11:06So it's still a small cap stock, though Broncos, not big enough to be listed on the ASX 200 or the All Lords.
11:12Jeez.
11:13They're not trying to.
11:15What are you talking about?
11:17If you're not the Dow Jones thing, fuck off.
11:19Yeah.
11:21I don't think Rio Tinto could win a grand final.
11:23So there, what are we talking about?
11:25Well, let's stick with the NRL.
11:27Yes.
11:27And Channel 9 had all the coverage.
11:29It certainly did.
11:29Storm are taking it home.
11:32Nice try, Melbourne.
11:33So look out.
11:35And this is where the final battle will take place and it's almost game time.
11:41Thanks, Pippa.
11:42Good pass.
11:43Was a forward pass, but that's fine.
11:44Well, Deb had a go at passing the ball back as well.
11:48All right.
11:48Well, we pass it back.
11:49Where's Pippa?
11:50Passed out again.
12:00A little bit of a behind-the-scenes knowledge here for the cheap seats.
12:03We asked, would anyone in the crew be able to volunteer to throw a rugby ball at us?
12:10And they lined up.
12:11They were very, very keen.
12:13We filmed 73 more takes.
12:16We'll show those online later on.
12:18Hey, of course, Sunday was grand final day and it's all about preparation.
12:22As Sunday's NRL grand final approaches, Robert is gearing up to transform into Storm Man.
12:32And pissing off his neighbours?
12:33Yes.
12:33Is that part of the preparation?
12:35It's amazing to think the Melbourne Storm lost, isn't it?
12:38Anyway, his share price has just fallen by 30%.
12:41So there we go.
12:42The game was in Sydney and the atmosphere was incredible.
12:45Without a dog in the fight, us Sydney-siders were left to look to the sky for a sign on who to back.
12:52Yes, are you backing the Storm or the Bron-news?
12:55Bron-news!
12:56Hard to read your writing.
12:58To be fair, I think that sign writer was busted working from home.
13:02He was.
13:03Lazy bastard.
13:03Very lazy.
13:05Of course, the Melbourne and Brisbane faithful gathered at fan events.
13:08Bronco supporters were confident.
13:09Trish, let's talk us about this.
13:11Well, it goes all the way over my boob as well.
13:14Well, we're not going to show you that.
13:15Let's cut this.
13:16No, let's show it.
13:17We are going to show that, yep.
13:19I think they call that tap for tit.
13:20You can go back to bed.
13:28That was great.
13:30Storm fans were feeling optimistic.
13:32Can they go all the way?
13:33Absolutely, they can go all the way and I'm anticipating that they will.
13:36It's going to be a close game, but we'll come home with the biscuits in the air.
13:39Yeah, they'll go all the way to hospital.
13:41I think that's where they're going.
13:43Our friend of the show, Channel 9's Mike Dalton was on the ground giving us all the crucial info.
13:48When did you come down to town?
13:49We got here this morning.
13:50How did you come down?
13:51Did you fly or drive?
13:52Train.
13:52Great.
13:53Good to check.
13:54Mike chatted to some Storm fans as well.
13:57Born in Melbourne.
13:57You've got more legitimacy than your dad.
14:00He's not my dad.
14:01Great.
14:05Well, he's not my real dad.
14:06Exactly.
14:07Can we have a look at Mike's look again, by the way?
14:09He looks like a detective, but he's the world's worst Sherlock Holmes.
14:13Mike is a professional journalist and he did get this interesting tidbit.
14:17On the time I started breastfeeding my son, sitting there watching no football, said Melbourne
14:22all the way.
14:23Madam, there's probably a little bit more information than I recall.
14:27And that's coming from Mike who gets no information from anyone.
14:30But let's get back to the game.
14:32Yes.
14:32And there was one player everyone was talking about.
14:35Happy to sign jerseys and more.
14:37What are you wearing?
14:39A toilet seat.
14:40Why are you wearing a toilet seat?
14:42Because Reece Walsh's doing toilet water.
14:43I just think it's slightly concerning his hair is wet.
14:49Well, this is in reference to Reece Walsh, the Broncos superstar, who a couple of weeks
14:54back filmed himself drinking water out of a toilet.
14:57The Brisbane Broncos have been forced to release an official statement urging people
15:02not to drink water out of the toilet.
15:06Still the best press release ever.
15:08Drink responsibly.
15:09Well, Reece Walsh's antics promoted this discussion.
15:12He's just such a free spirit and that's the reason why, whether it's TikTok, whether it's,
15:16you know, he's doing his little pranks, he's not really hurting anyone.
15:19He's not hurting anyone.
15:20He's not hurting anyone.
15:21Just punching them in the head.
15:22But a huge win for the Broncos.
15:24Let's take a look at that post-match analysis.
15:27How hard is it to get one of them?
15:30Man, are we on?
15:31We're on.
15:32Oh, we're on.
15:33Shit.
15:34Oh.
15:34Yep.
15:36Perfect.
15:36No, we are on.
15:37Let's see what he had to say.
15:38Oh.
15:39This year's just been so, um, you know, so, like, fucking, oh, shit.
15:44I'm speechless.
15:46Celebrations went well into the night.
15:48And today, reporter Gabrielle Boyle was asking the big question.
15:51How are you feeling this morning?
15:52How are you feeling?
15:53How are you feeling this morning?
15:53How are you feeling this morning?
15:55Feeling pretty sore and sorry.
15:57How are the boys on the bus?
15:58How are they holding up?
15:58You look a bit sore and sorry.
16:00How are you feeling?
16:01How are you feeling this morning?
16:02I'm not a player.
16:03You're not a player.
16:04But still, how are you feeling?
16:06But congratulations to the Broncos, the men and the women.
16:09And well done to the Clive Churchill medalist, Reece Walsh.
16:12He had an interesting reminder on his boots.
16:14I'm looking down at your shoes.
16:17On your shoes, you got rid of B great.
16:21Do you feel great?
16:22Wow.
16:23I mean, he's not the only one with that reminder.
16:25I have them here on my shoes as well.
16:27There we go, dear.
16:30Let's go.
16:31Be great.
16:32No, no, no.
16:33We'll get to have a break.
16:34Back in the morning, the team seat.
16:35Well done for this.
16:36Be great.
16:37Very great.
16:40Welcome back to the team seat.
16:43And it's time for our special guest.
16:45Rob Beckett.
16:47Rob Beckett.
16:48Rob Beckett, ladies and gentlemen.
16:49This is Rob Beckett.
16:51Evening.
16:51Surprise!
16:52Hello and welcome.
16:54I've either done something wrong or incredibly wrong.
16:57This is not normal.
16:59We are so excited to welcome UK comedian Rob Beckett.
17:03Oh, it's so exciting.
17:07It's so exciting.
17:11It's so exciting for us to have you.
17:13We are both massive fans of yours.
17:15You keep glancing at the city landscape.
17:17The screen, look, you've got a beautiful city landscape and all your telly.
17:20Yes.
17:21We do.
17:22A nondescript city.
17:23Beautiful, isn't it?
17:24Where is that?
17:25That is the stock footage capital.
17:29Because that car's gone left five times.
17:30It has.
17:31Well, welcome to Australian traffic, Rob.
17:34It is so great to have you with us.
17:36Thank you so much for joining us.
17:37It's great to have you here down under in Australia.
17:39You've been here before.
17:40Yes.
17:40What do you like about Australia?
17:42I love the people.
17:43Very laid back.
17:44Good laugh.
17:45I'm struggling with the time zones, if I'm honest.
17:47I do think they need a bit of a revamp.
17:49Yeah, right.
17:50Just the daylight saving, Adelaide being half an hour.
17:53It's just ridiculous.
17:53That doesn't exist anywhere else in the world.
17:56So, yeah, but apart from that, I love it.
17:59Adelaide are actually a few years behind us.
18:01They get a lot of grief, Adelaide.
18:03I quite like Adelaide.
18:04They're very chilled.
18:05But Melbourne have a go at Adelaide, don't they?
18:07And then Melbourne hates Sydney, and then Canberra's just in the middle going,
18:10why are we here?
18:13Well, you're here.
18:14You were just in Canberra, though, when you were staying in the make-up room.
18:17How much...
18:18Well, no, I just...
18:19I can't believe you've created a capital city that's the least Australian place I've ever been.
18:24It's inland, it's cold, there's no seaside.
18:27It's mad.
18:28It's like putting London in the Sahara Desert.
18:31But you are here and happy to be here.
18:34I am.
18:34I love it.
18:35And you're here because you're touring right around Australia with your brand-new show,
18:39Rob Beckett, Giraffe.
18:40Yes.
18:41What can we expect from this show?
18:43It's a stand-up comedy show.
18:45It's live.
18:46It'll just be me.
18:47Basically, turn up and I'll make you laugh, and you'll leave happier than when you arrived.
18:50Great.
18:50Great.
18:51What a guarantee.
18:51Yeah, and I change the set a bit, depending where I am.
18:54So I talk about the location, I chat to the audience and stuff.
18:57So I've got sort of set jokes, but I try and just let it be live and in that moment of that night.
19:01Because everything's...
19:02You know, everyone's on social media, YouTube, stuff like that.
19:04But you can't be being in a room live with someone.
19:07Exactly.
19:07That's a great answer, although it does feel like you have absolutely no idea what the show's about.
19:10Well, turn up, rock up.
19:12We'll have a bit of a chat.
19:14We'll have fun.
19:14You will laugh, though.
19:16So, yeah, you know, yeah.
19:17Okay, that's a guarantee.
19:18I can tell you exactly what I'm going to say.
19:20It might ruin it.
19:21Well, go on.
19:22We've got time.
19:23I want to know, is it called Giraffe because of what happened with you at the Brit Awards?
19:28No, I did that the other way around.
19:30So I called it Giraffe because I thought it would be a funny poster.
19:32There is a meaning to why it's called Giraffe that you can see in the show.
19:35Do you want to come?
19:36Gold Coast, still tickets.
19:39Don't know what time it's on because, you know, the times will change.
19:42They might be on daylight saving, who knows?
19:44Perth don't do it.
19:45Adelaide do.
19:46Oh, for now, bish, bash, bosh.
19:48Apart from that, absolutely fine.
19:49I'm trying to ring home.
19:50I don't even know what time it is here.
19:52How can I work out in time at home?
19:54In the history of this show, Rob, this is possibly the most confusing pitch for a show in the history.
19:59You don't know what the show's about, where it is, what time it is.
20:03Rob Beckett is the show because you did rock up to the Brit Awards dressed as a giraffe.
20:08Yes, the show's called Giraffe.
20:10And when you're a 40-year-old dad or two, going to the Brit Awards when there's storms in,
20:14all these, no-one cares.
20:15No-one cares that you're there.
20:17Yeah.
20:17So I turned up as a giraffe and thought, I'll get attention.
20:19And I did.
20:20Sold the tour out.
20:21Bish, bash, bosh.
20:22Done.
20:24Unfortunately, the people that are going to the Gold Coast did not watch the Brit Awards.
20:27If you live in the Gold Coast, please come.
20:30Everything else is sold out.
20:31Gold Coast, please come.
20:34People think I'm dressing as a...
20:35Is that too needy?
20:36Please.
20:39If I just wear an ordinary outfit, people think I'm dressing up as a giraffe.
20:43So, you know, it happens.
20:45Well, it's not just Gold Coast that you had a beef with.
20:47There was one town in Australia that you had a real beef with.
20:49Because you had a great show in Sydney.
20:51Yeah.
20:52But there was one town south of Sydney that didn't quite get on board.
20:54I said it wrong.
20:55I said Therool, but it's Therool.
20:57Therool?
20:58Is that right?
20:58Well, that's funny because no-one in Australia has ever heard of this.
21:01Yeah, I mean, that's...
21:03Well, it didn't sell out.
21:04I put it on Instagram.
21:05I'm going, guys, no-one's coming to the Therool.
21:06And they went, yeah, we don't know where that is either.
21:08So, ow!
21:09Anyway, that sold out.
21:10So it shows shaming people online works.
21:13That's good.
21:14So Gold Coast, 22nd of October.
21:19On that note, I would love to shame everyone.
21:22And Nary Warren, who are definitely not coming to my show on Thursday.
21:29All right, OK.
21:30It's good to know.
21:31So how do you find Aussie audiences?
21:34They're way more relaxed and up for it than the British crowds
21:37because they can be a little bit, you know, awkward and quiet.
21:39So everyone's a bit more relaxed, which is what I love.
21:41It sort of suits me as a comic.
21:42There's a lot of British comedians, the sort of, like, posh ones
21:46that went to Oxford and Cambridge that quite like the crowd
21:47to sit in silence and listen.
21:49I quite like a bit of involvement.
21:50Not too much, but, you know.
21:53Don't take that as an open invite.
21:54No, that's right.
21:55I know what I'm doing and I'll make you laugh.
21:57But I like when they're a bit more relaxed and open,
21:59which Aussies are, do you know what I mean?
22:00So let's hope of those...
22:00Can you swear on this show?
22:02You can give it a go.
22:03Well, basically, when I landed, I was a bit unwell.
22:06So I rang a doctor and he gave me some antibiotics, right?
22:09And he was like, do you smoke?
22:10Do you drink?
22:11And I went, oh, well, I had a couple of beers since I've been here.
22:13And he went, oh, well, fuck all then.
22:16From a doctor?
22:17Yeah, I might check that last.
22:19Is that normal?
22:20That's great.
22:21That's good for Dry July.
22:22Yes, exactly.
22:24You are no stranger to Australian audiences
22:26because you received the highest honour in Australian television,
22:29a cameo on Bluey.
22:31Is that right?
22:31So I've been in Bluey, yes.
22:34Stop it, stop it.
22:36Who did you play?
22:37I played a butler in one of their little cartoon drawy ones.
22:43One of the cartoon drawy ones.
22:44As opposed to those live-action Blueys.
22:48The real dogs.
22:49But it wasn't with the actual dogs.
22:51It was like their imagination.
22:53Yeah, OK.
22:53Can I be honest with you?
22:54I'm not really across my own career.
22:56LAUGHTER
22:57I'm very much turn up, enjoy myself
23:03and go home and never think about it ever again.
23:05Is there someone we can better direct these questions to?
23:08You could just get Wikipedia to be read out.
23:11Well, if you didn't see it, like Ron, enjoy.
23:14I haven't seen it, let's watch it.
23:15Good to meet you.
23:16My name is Monty.
23:17I'm head butler.
23:18Do come in.
23:20Oh, yeah, watch out for that.
23:22The children set up tracks
23:23in case their parents try and make them go to bed.
23:25That's unbelievable.
23:26You have young kids.
23:28What did they make of that?
23:28They were very impressed with that too.
23:30A lot more impressed than me
23:31dressing as a giraffe at the British
23:32than some of the other stuff I do on telly.
23:35So, yeah, that was a good one for the kids.
23:36Speaking of the stuff you do on telly,
23:38we loved you on Last One Laughing.
23:41You and a bunch of other iconic British comedians
23:43try to make each other laugh
23:44without laughing yourself.
23:46Yes.
23:46How difficult is that to do?
23:48That was the hardest thing I've ever done.
23:49So, on the first day,
23:50they sort of give you a little practice day
23:52of explaining the rules and stuff.
23:53I literally was smiling the whole way
23:55and I was like,
23:55Rob, you will literally
23:56be out within two minutes.
23:58So, in the hotel room the night before,
24:00I Googled it
24:00and the way to not smile
24:02and I still broke, like, eventually,
24:03but, like,
24:04is you sort of crunch your jaw
24:06and then pout
24:06and then that way you can't laugh.
24:09So, if you're ever at a funeral
24:11that's someone you didn't like...
24:14Which happens, doesn't it?
24:15Yeah, yeah, exactly.
24:18Crunch your jaw.
24:19Well...
24:20And you won't laugh or smile.
24:21Would we like to see Rob's technique
24:22of not laughing in action?
24:24Shall we talk about something incredibly mundane?
24:26Yeah.
24:30Your kitchen.
24:33That's just his teeth.
24:34We can't let him...
24:35That's just to shake up his face.
24:37No.
24:37It is a competitive disadvantage.
24:42It is.
24:43I mean, look,
24:43I don't want to say
24:44but we are both blessed or cursed
24:46with the same teeth situation,
24:48haven't we?
24:51No, no, hey,
24:52I'm just saying.
24:53We're in the same team.
24:54No, no, no, no.
24:55That's how to handle it.
24:56There we go.
24:58The problem with my team,
24:59you've got a beautiful set of teeth,
25:01the problem with my teeth
25:01is when I laugh
25:02it looks like the teeth
25:03are trying to run out of my mouth.
25:04That's my problem.
25:06Well, you then had a go
25:08at trying to make
25:09these other legendary comedians laugh
25:10and this was your attempt.
25:12My nan's dead.
25:14She slipped down the stairs.
25:16Off her face she was.
25:17All the way you go.
25:18Hadn't drugs.
25:20Granny?
25:20Yeah.
25:21What drugs?
25:21Just paracetamol.
25:23And a litre of gin,
25:25before you know it.
25:25Right.
25:25She's arse backwards,
25:26bottom of the stairs.
25:27So it wasn't really the slip?
25:30No, it was my grandad pushed her.
25:31It wasn't really...
25:31True story.
25:35True story, true story.
25:36No, it's not a true story.
25:38They all panicked.
25:40So you're touring around Australia.
25:42Have you got a final message
25:43to anyone particularly
25:45in the Gold Coast region
25:46around October 22?
25:48Gold Coast, come, please.
25:51I don't want to be desperate,
25:52but everything else is sold out.
25:53It's my last show.
25:54I don't want to leave
25:55the country on a load.
25:57So what else is there
25:58to do in the Gold Coast?
25:59Quite a lot.
26:00There's quite a lot.
26:03There's quite a lot.
26:04There is a lot.
26:04They've got, what,
26:05Movie World, Dream World,
26:07getting drunk,
26:08shouting at the sea,
26:09stuff like that.
26:09We've got schoolies,
26:11you can check that out.
26:12Exactly.
26:12Well, if you're not offended
26:13by Rob in the Gold Coast,
26:15his latest show, Giraffe,
26:17there are some tickets
26:17still available,
26:18ladies and gentlemen.
26:19Would you please
26:19thank the wonderful Rob Beckett?
26:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:29Currently heard on
26:34Nova FM Breakfast,
26:36it's hello to Mel Tresina.
26:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:38Love it as you, MT.
26:42You're here to bring us
26:43the best of showbiz.
26:44I am,
26:45and I'm here to bring us
26:46some fuel.
26:47Oh, great.
26:47Thanks for the Kellogg's
26:50Coco Pops Chocos,
26:51real nourishment for real.
26:53Fantastic.
26:54You've come dressed as the box,
26:56that's nice.
26:57That is beautiful.
26:57I really lean into
26:58that Kellogg's cash.
27:00This is the best thing
27:01about our new sponsorship deal,
27:02we just get to sit here
27:03and eat delicious cereal.
27:04That's true.
27:05And during my segment,
27:06which is great,
27:06which means less talking
27:07from you guys,
27:08so that's a win.
27:10Oh, too mean.
27:12Sorry, guys.
27:13Wait, let me fuel up.
27:16All right.
27:16It's pretty good, isn't it?
27:18It's really good.
27:19I haven't had Coco Pops
27:19in too long.
27:20It's so good.
27:21Let's not talk
27:21with our mouth full.
27:25Okay.
27:26Big thank you to Kellogg's,
27:27great to have them on board.
27:28And while we're saying
27:29thank yous,
27:29we should say a big thank you
27:30as well to everyone
27:31who came to see
27:31The Cheap Seats World Tour.
27:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
27:34It was an amazing night.
27:39That's really nice
27:39that they photoshopped you
27:40to make you look taller.
27:42That's really kind.
27:43For some reason,
27:44we're dressed as the Russian flag,
27:45but it was a lovely...
27:46I would have said
27:47Coldgate Triple Action.
27:49Coldgate Triple Action.
27:50Hey, can we all have fun
27:51at the last show?
27:51Yeah, I had a ball.
27:52It was so good.
27:53I can anticipate
27:54a similar crowd
27:54at my Nary Warren gig.
27:56LAUGHTER
27:56Big thank you
27:59to everyone here
27:59who worked so hard
28:00to put it together.
28:00Hopefully we can do it again soon.
28:02Now, before we get
28:03into your segment, Mel,
28:04another very exciting
28:05thing happened this week.
28:07The new promo
28:08for Big Brother came out.
28:10OK, cut to camera three.
28:11Is Sarah stealing snacks?
28:13It's time to go, Sarah.
28:15Liv and Jackson,
28:16they're gossiping
28:17behind the fake phone.
28:18Can we zoom in?
28:19What are they?
28:21Where's that PA button?
28:24This is Big Brother.
28:25This is Big Brother.
28:27Mel, what are you doing?
28:30Oh, nothing, Big Brother.
28:31I was just checking
28:31that all the buttons are working.
28:33Yeah, that looks good.
28:34I'm the best.
28:35That's so exciting.
28:43What prestigious university
28:45did you study acting at?
28:46That was just mixed level.
28:48Also, why did you guys
28:49give me subtitles?
28:50Was that hard to understand?
28:52You might have been talking
28:53with your mouth full.
28:54Oh, the Kellogg's,
28:56Coco Pop,
28:56that is exciting.
28:57We finally have a date.
28:59Yes, yes we do.
29:00Which is?
29:00November 9th at the Gold Coast,
29:07which reminds me,
29:07I've got to buy tickets
29:08for Rob Beckett's show.
29:10Sunday, November 9th.
29:11Pop it in the diaries, everybody.
29:13Cancel it in.
29:14Big Brother.
29:16Oh, wow.
29:16Yes, it starts on the 9th.
29:18Yep.
29:19It'll be cancelled on the 10th.
29:22Great.
29:23Looking forward to it.
29:24Cancel it in.
29:25Big weekend.
29:26All right.
29:27Lovely to see you, MT.
29:28Should we talk some showbiz?
29:28You were laughing a little
29:29too hard on that.
29:29Yes, yes.
29:30Let's start with
29:31the biggest entertainment news
29:32of the week,
29:33which is, of course,
29:34Taylor Swift dropping
29:35her 12th studio album,
29:36The Life of a Showgirl.
29:38And to promote it,
29:38she appeared on
29:39The Graham Norton Show
29:40alongside a star-studded panel.
29:42Something tells me
29:43Cillian Murphy wanted
29:44to swap seats.
29:45The one that I feel
29:46I ought to graduate
29:47is the new bit
29:47of finger jewellery.
29:49The hardware upgrade?
29:50Yes.
29:50Check it out.
29:54It's so fucking cool.
30:00I'm sorry.
30:01It's crazy to still talk about.
30:02It's so cool.
30:04Was it at Madonna's party?
30:06It was at Madonna's party.
30:08I think it was at
30:08Beyonce's party.
30:09I was at Beyonce's party,
30:10but I didn't meet each other.
30:12I mean, you had
30:13a different income.
30:15I really love your ring,
30:17man, but that's amazing.
30:19I think that looks really accurate.
30:20And I think they did.
30:21It's really lovely, yeah.
30:24That's fine.
30:25That's fine.
30:25So this was on the Graham...
30:27This was on the Graham Norton Show.
30:31Now, they filmed this
30:33before the album
30:34was actually released.
30:35So the songs were embargoed.
30:36So they got to preview
30:38one of the songs.
30:39Or did they?
30:40The fate of Ophelia.
30:42Here it is.
30:43That was so good!
30:57Some of the best acting
30:58that panel has ever done.
31:00Just to be clear.
31:01Just to be clear.
31:02They obviously couldn't play the song
31:04because then everyone in the crowd
31:05would have heard the song.
31:06So they just had to sit there
31:07and pretend they were listening
31:08to a Taylor Swift song.
31:09Yes.
31:10And they were kind of on beat
31:12because every Taylor Swift song
31:13sort of sounded the same.
31:19Hang on, hang on.
31:20So what else do you hate about Taylor?
31:21Yeah.
31:24No.
31:25I think the word you used backstage
31:26was underwhelming and pedestrian.
31:29Swifties come for her.
31:30I think the opening track
31:32of the album's Alright
31:33takes a severe dip
31:34and then it ends with a bang.
31:35That's my review.
31:36That's my review.
31:37That's my review.
31:38Do I have your opinion?
31:38Yeah, yeah, yeah.
31:40What was your favourite track?
31:41Yeah.
31:41Tim?
31:42Do you know what my favourite track was?
31:47No, I'm asking.
31:48Do you know what my favourite track was?
31:49I've got no idea.
31:51So just to be clear,
31:51Taylor Swift joins the other bands
31:53that you really despise.
31:54You hate BTS.
31:56Why do you not?
31:56I've never seen that.
31:57I've never seen that.
31:58I love BTS.
31:59Please don't hurt me.
32:02Alright, moving on.
32:03The Block continues on 9
32:05and surely this week
32:06they're at the tail end of building.
32:08We're gathered here today
32:09to witness something
32:10truly extraordinary.
32:13Sunny and Alicia
32:14are getting married
32:15again.
32:18Wow.
32:19Wow.
32:19Till auction do us part.
32:21The Block.
32:23They're not building houses.
32:24They're building homes.
32:25Exactly.
32:25Oh my God.
32:26And it was a great reception.
32:27They tore up the dance floor
32:28because it wasn't properly waterproofed.
32:31They had to restart and do it again.
32:33But it was a big wedding.
32:36It was a big wedding
32:36and I've got to say
32:37the bride was beautiful
32:38in a custom hard yakka gown.
32:41Stunning.
32:42Yeah.
32:42Something borrowed,
32:43something blue,
32:43something old
32:44and something from McCafe.
32:45Exactly.
32:46And of course
32:47there was the cutting of the cake.
32:48Always a lovely moment.
32:49Yes.
32:50Always a lovely moment.
32:51In the show
32:52the Talking Heads
32:53are a great way
32:53for the Block Heads
32:54to decompress
32:55and update their build
32:56without offending
32:56their colleagues
32:57during filming.
32:58On the Block every year
32:59there's rich teams
33:00and there's poor teams.
33:01Right now
33:01the rich team is House 1
33:03and House 3.
33:04They're coasting.
33:05And then you've got
33:05poor old House 2
33:06who are really, really struggling.
33:08I know.
33:10Sorry mate.
33:13Oh my God.
33:16She's moving out.
33:17Could have at least
33:18helped her with a box.
33:19Alright, over to 7
33:20for MKR
33:21which stands for
33:22My Kitchen Rules
33:23not My Kitchen Wraps
33:24as some would have you believe.
33:26Michael M. Riley
33:27on MKR
33:28we're about to become
33:29a superstar
33:30through our amazing food
33:31we're going to deliver
33:32tonight
33:32you better watch out
33:34because the table's
33:34going to be a fight
33:35over the last
33:36brack of lamb
33:37everyone's going to be
33:39fighting over the meat
33:40Michael the meat master
33:41he's here
33:42and he did
33:43the livery
33:43They then crashed
33:47into the carpool
33:47karaoke car.
33:49What's incredible
33:50about that
33:50is that that rap
33:51was embargoed
33:52and so they were
33:52listening to nothing
33:53but they still
33:55had to do all the moves
33:55this is incredible.
33:57Now the reality gods
33:57have answered
33:58my prayers
33:59and they've combined
33:59an iconic interaction
34:01from Love Island USA
34:02with Dancing with the Stars USA
34:05I'm a mummy
34:06Mummy
34:08I'm a mum
34:09Mamacita
34:10It's a girl
34:24yay
34:25What?
34:30I don't know
34:32What is going on?
34:33I don't know
34:34but I have been watching
34:35the show obviously
34:35to keep up with Rob Irwin
34:36who is on
34:37and the judges
34:38the audience
34:39America
34:39they love him
34:40and of course
34:41it's because of his
34:41dancing skills
34:42and his work ethic
34:43Classic Robert
34:53even on a
34:53celeb reality show
34:54he's still using
34:55his platform
34:56to advocate
34:56for wildlife
34:57and conservation
34:58the only bit
34:59you want to avoid
35:00is the sharp end
35:00which is down there
35:01unfortunately
35:02crocodilians
35:03are hunted
35:04for those skins
35:05and it's used
35:06in the fashion industry
35:07but the skin
35:09of an alligator
35:09belongs on the animal
35:10I feel like
35:11there's another skin
35:12people are hunting
35:13for now
35:14and if you're wondering
35:17how does Rob
35:17get so fit
35:18it's because of
35:19Coco Pop's Chocos
35:21exactly
35:21yeah real
35:22larishment
35:23for real
35:23wow
35:24and that's my week
35:26in arts and entertainment
35:27would you please
35:33thank me
35:34and it's time now
35:44for
35:45crime time
35:49yes
35:51they do the crime
35:52we do the time
35:53this is the segment
35:54where we investigate
35:55all the biggest
35:56crime stories
35:57and we haven't done
35:57crime time for a while
35:59and to be honest
35:59yeah
36:00the cases are stacking up
36:01they're piling up
36:02they are piling up
36:03people
36:04people think the hardest
36:05part of this segment
36:06is just throwing to funny clips
36:07actually it's a lot
36:08of paperwork
36:08the paperwork
36:09is a killer
36:10the paperwork is out of control
36:11yeah
36:12great
36:12alright
36:15first case
36:16sup
36:17where do we start
36:18a boulders bra shop
36:19a boulders bra shoplifter
36:20has been caught on camera
36:21stealing a television
36:22from an electrical store
36:23in Wyala
36:24crystal clear security vision
36:26shows the man
36:27casually stuffing the box
36:28under his t-shirt
36:30and strolling out
36:31and he almost got away with it
36:34almost got away with it
36:35it's just great to see
36:36someone under the age of 55
36:37watching television
36:38so thank you
36:40if you do see the gentleman
36:41whose name is Tinky Winky
36:42please get in touch
36:44another case
36:45solved
36:46we don't need that anymore
36:50what's next
36:52Adelaide's tobacco wars
36:53flare again
36:54investigations tonight
36:55into a blaze
36:56at a Clarence Park supermarket
36:58Adelaide's tobacco wars
37:00they rage on
37:01and residents were frightened
37:02the fuel container
37:03taken in as evidence
37:05just a way
37:06way too close to home
37:07really
37:07a bit scary
37:08and it's too close
37:09could you come down
37:10off your fence Angela
37:11and have a chat to us
37:13spoke to Wilson
37:13from Home Improvement
37:14that's good
37:15what else did locals
37:17have to say
37:17it's a nice community
37:18and it's just a real shame
37:19that somebody's kind of
37:20we don't want to point
37:21the finger Mel
37:22but um
37:22it's an interesting choice
37:24of name they had
37:25for the witness
37:25Skye Bernmeister
37:27in Skye's defence
37:29that is her married name
37:30her maiden name
37:31is Skye
37:31definitely an arsonist
37:33yes
37:33just to be clear
37:35Skye had nothing to do
37:36with this guy
37:37let's go
37:38to another crime story
37:39now
37:39what have we got
37:40also a notorious
37:41killer's car
37:42goes up for sale
37:43online
37:44this is Erin Patterson's
37:46vehicle
37:46which went for sale
37:47up on Facebook
37:48marketplace
37:49let's get a closer look
37:51the ad says
37:52the second hand SUV
37:53is in excellent condition
37:55it's only done
37:5622,000 Ks
37:57there's a few trips
37:58to the dump
37:58that's um
37:59don't worry
38:01it is safe to drive
38:02because it is
38:03it has got a different
38:03coloured number place
38:04so it's fine
38:05well what else
38:06should the ad say
38:07the detailed description
38:08didn't reference
38:10the car's owner
38:10probably a good idea
38:12yeah
38:12of what I thought
38:13well
38:14if you've just joined us
38:15we're taking a look
38:15back at the week in crime
38:16with some amusing
38:17jokes that the audience
38:19are tolerating
38:20very patiently
38:22while sticking
38:24with crime
38:25let's go to the big story
38:26that's dominating headlines
38:28in New Zealand
38:28it's time now
38:30to meet the country's
38:31latest kleptomanic cat
38:33yes
38:33he's served
38:35nine life sentences
38:36but this is Nico
38:38I'm going to have to
38:39report the email
38:39but I'm sorry
38:40that was terrible
38:41this is Nico
38:42and he's a hardened criminal
38:44trumpeting his return
38:51to signal
38:51he's brought home
38:52the goods
38:53mostly little socks
38:55men's underwear
38:56women's underwear
38:57and the underwear
38:59is not produced
39:00in Australia
39:01that's Bob
39:04Catter
39:05come on
39:07it's going in the files
39:11Bob Catter
39:13he's not the only
39:14cat criminal
39:15in New Zealand
39:15Nico's just the latest
39:17in a long line
39:18of kiwi klepto kitties
39:19like Keith the thief
39:21and Leonardo da Pinche
39:22just to name a couple
39:24they were all deported
39:26from Australia though
39:27so
39:28what's interesting
39:29this story has reached
39:30the US
39:30and Donald Trump
39:31is amazed
39:32that it is the pussies
39:33doing the grabbing
39:33yeah
39:34it's a real role reversal
39:36it is a real role reversal
39:37alright
39:39welcome back
39:44alright
39:47let's take a look
39:48at one more crime
39:50a manhunt
39:50is underway
39:51for the perpetrators
39:52of a ram raid
39:53at a mecca store
39:54stealing thousands
39:55of dollars worth
39:55of cosmetics
39:56and fleeing
39:57this is a serious case
39:58they believe
39:59the person responsible
40:00is connected
40:01to an outlaw
40:02moisturiser gang
40:03they're the primer suspects
40:10they are
40:10they are
40:11well done
40:12well done
40:13sadly they
40:15they got away with it
40:16because they use concealer
40:17so
40:18we'll never know
40:19police have released
40:21this identikit image
40:22of someone they would have
40:22speak to
40:23that was
40:25fun time
40:28we better take a break
40:29back with more
40:31in the chief seats
40:32after this
40:33welcome back
40:44to the chief seats
40:45thank you so much
40:46for watching us this week
40:47and let's check
40:48the latest forecast
40:49of course
40:49I'll have that forecast
40:51right after I have a selfie
40:52with Cynthia Alpaca
40:53see you soon
40:54okay
40:59don't let us interrupt you
41:00yeah
41:00no you're right
41:02the cyclone warning
41:03can waste
41:03can we check back in
41:06with Sherry Lee
41:07welcome back
41:08who's quickly assembling
41:10her very own
41:11Noah's Ark
41:12is it going to be
41:13raining for 40 days
41:14and 40 nights
41:15can you just let us know
41:16now
41:16that's a biblical reference
41:17and I liked it
41:18quite an old show
41:21this week
41:21we've been doing
41:22Sudokus
41:22the bible
41:23it's been great
41:24hello to everyone
41:25under the age of 65
41:26but before we go
41:28a bit of time
41:29to award
41:30our
41:31reporter of the week
41:37why did you do
41:40an impression
41:40of a door creaking
41:41well because
41:43I'm still on the toilet
41:44and I just
41:44was
41:45this is
41:48reporter of the week
41:49this is reporter of the week
41:50where we're on
41:50reporters going above
41:51and beyond
41:52for the story
41:52and when it comes
41:53to presenting the weather
41:54while holding an animal
41:55no one did it better
41:56this week
41:57than Tyra Stowers
41:58oh Mike
41:59there he is
41:59and I have
42:00a smaller
42:00and louder
42:02helper here with me
42:03with the forecast
42:04tonight
42:04but the weather
42:05will not get
42:06until tomorrow evening
42:07so expect a bit more
42:09sunshine
42:10to finish up the week
42:11and I'll have all
42:11those details
42:12right after the break
42:13with my new little friend
42:14she should not
42:18have been talking
42:19about ragu
42:19it really
42:20was
42:20exactly
42:21congratulations
42:23Tyra Stowers
42:24you are out
42:25reporter of the week
42:29on that note
42:30we're done
42:31thank you to Mel
42:32Tresina
42:32and Rob Beckett
42:33we'll see you next week
42:35right now
42:35in the Chiefs League
42:36wow
Recommended
41:13
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