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How.Are.You.Its.Alan.Partridge.S01E04
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00:00THE END
00:11Say what you like about England, but, er...
00:15She has very fresh breath.
00:19Wales, too.
00:21And, er...
00:22If Scotland could, er, be persuaded to finally bend the ciggies,
00:26I'm sure her breath will be just as fresh.
00:30I'm Alan Partridge, and in this series, sponsored by Flench & Son Tanning Centre,
00:35Feel Down, Get Brown, I'm exploring the mental health of the nation.
00:39This week, I'll be finding out what the great outdoors can do for our noggins,
00:43as I once again ask,
00:45How are you?
00:47It's Alan Partridge.
00:50I love to be outdoors.
00:52Back in Norwich, I'm often found pottering around making short videos for the tourist board
00:57using a 365-degree stick camera given to me during my time in Saudi Arabia
01:02by His Excellency the Crown Prince's chauffeur.
01:06I like to see, er, wattle and daub buildings.
01:08To me, there's just something about the fresh air and the exercise.
01:11Hello.
01:12See you later.
01:13I hate these flowers.
01:14Seems to be good for the soul.
01:16Visited only upon terrorist suspects.
01:19And while the tourist board reserves the right to edit down my videos...
01:22He's my favourite.
01:23...being out and about centres and settles me.
01:26He's definitely my favourite.
01:27You know who isn't?
01:28Er...
01:29But in this episode, I'm going to experiment on a bigger canvas,
01:34and have come to the Peak District alone with nothing more than my stick camera,
01:38and obviously clothes,
01:39to explore the mental health benefits of surrounding yourself in nature.
01:50Studies show that the great outdoors can do wonders for your mental health.
01:54As much as 84%.
01:57Today, I'm climbing Mam Tor,
02:00a 17-foot-hundred high hill in the Peak District.
02:05Er, which, according to the guidebook, boasts incredible views.
02:10And on a clear day, it says you can see as far as Manchester.
02:14Although it doesn't explain, er, why you'd want to.
02:18Starting at Castleton, day one will see me climb the mighty Mam Tor,
02:23and walk the Great Bridge.
02:25After a good sleep and wash,
02:26I'll spend a second day scaling the District's highest peak, Kinder Scout.
02:31Hello!
02:32Fellow aviators!
02:34How you doing?
02:35Good.
02:36Have you ever flown on a jetpack?
02:38I know a guy who has.
02:40You're looking at him.
02:42Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
02:44Up, up, up, up, up and away!
02:48Like my beautiful balloon!
02:50Do you think that's good for mental health?
02:55Do you think flying's good for mental health?
02:59Enjoy the freedom of flight.
03:01Try not to worry the sheep.
03:03They'll miscarry.
03:05I'm so glad I came here.
03:11My partner, Katrina, was dead right.
03:13She said, go away for the weekend.
03:15Climb a big mountain by yourself.
03:17Er, I guess she just gets me.
03:20Yeah, so I've come away on my own.
03:23And, er, she's gone away to Paris with my best friend, Daryl.
03:26Yeah.
03:27There's friends.
03:28There's friends.
03:29They're badminton partners.
03:31Er, and I've said myself, you know, he covers a lot of ground by the baseline.
03:35She's got a wicked drop shot.
03:37It just works.
03:38There's supposed to be four of them, but two of them had to pull out because of very, very long Covid.
03:43So it's just, er, just Daryl and Katrina in Paris.
03:47The city of lovers, my hairdresser says.
03:50It's such a stupid thing to say.
03:53It's not just for lovers.
03:55You get school trips go there.
03:57They're not all having sex with each other.
03:59I mean, occasionally a line will be crossed.
04:02You get some bearded sixth formers these days.
04:05And some very busty students.
04:07But, er, this assumption that every couple that goes to Paris is going to be banging the bejesus out of each other,
04:13it's just, er, it's just childish.
04:18Daryl and Katrina are badminton partners,
04:21and they want us to try out some different courts.
04:23And that's the end of it.
04:28Spending time alone in nature, though boring, allows our minds the freedom to roam,
04:33to dwell on anything from your daughter being gay
04:36to whether you'd have been good at presenting natural history shows.
04:39A million billion years ago, this was probably bits of dinosaur.
04:45Now, though, just horrible soil.
04:48We all come from it, and we all go back to it.
04:52This is nature's ring road.
04:58The end of the first morning's walking, and though I'd only been out in nature for a couple of hours,
05:03already there was a definite sense of tension easing,
05:06as I absorbed the majesty and infinite variety of the natural world.
05:11This good egg.
05:15What a charming village church.
05:19Oh, it's wonderful.
05:32Respectful, of course, in the house of God, to lower your voice,
05:38just as you would in a library or a museum.
05:42The same volume one might begin at while having a late-night row with your wife in a tent.
05:51Where are you?
05:54Where are you, eh?
05:56I know he's up there.
05:57Oh, yes.
05:58I'm sure he's looking down on you right now.
06:01He hears everything.
06:02Yeah.
06:03And I know he's in here.
06:04That faint smell of ammonia, that's from his excrement.
06:09God?
06:10The bat.
06:11I see.
06:12Right.
06:13Counting bats.
06:14Right.
06:15Of course, yes.
06:16I was going to say, I'm not sure if God excretes anything.
06:18Only love.
06:22So why are you counting bats?
06:23The roof needs repair, but there's a maternity colony up there.
06:26Okay.
06:27And they're protected under UK law, so the work will have to wait.
06:29It's funny, isn't it, how the church has to go to rack and ruin
06:32just so some bats can make more bats.
06:34I just saw one there.
06:35Winter Cross.
06:36They are awful.
06:37They are easily my least favourite bird.
06:39Skin for wings, but no feathers.
06:41Why?
06:42I've studied bats for 20 years, and I believe there's as much
06:44God's creatures as you or me.
06:46It's like the song says, isn't it?
06:48The Lord God made them all.
06:49All creatures great and small.
06:50It's my favourite hymn.
06:52Yeah.
06:53It is.
06:54Nice hymn.
06:55Goes on a bit, though, I find.
06:56You know, just, I mean, all things bright and beautiful,
06:58all creatures great and small, all things wise and wonderful.
07:00The Lord God made them all, and the verse goes on to list individually
07:03all the things that the chorus tells you you made all of,
07:05so I just think it's just over-egged.
07:07Yeah.
07:08Maybe we thought of it like that.
07:09It's a bit like Ross Kempis telling you you've seen all the Batman films
07:11and then listing them all on a long car journey.
07:14Batman.
07:15Batman Returns.
07:16Batman Forever.
07:17Yeah, I know, Ross.
07:18You've seen them all.
07:19Batman and Robin.
07:20Batman Begins.
07:21The Dark Knight.
07:22The Dark Knight Rises.
07:23Yeah, yeah, yeah, Ross.
07:24I know.
07:25We get it.
07:26We get it.
07:27Batman versus Superman.
07:28The Batman.
07:29Lego Batman.
07:30For Christ's sakes, Ross, stop saying Batman.
07:31You know, grow up.
07:32Sometimes tell the kids that I'm Batman.
07:34Yeah, but you only say it once, right?
07:36Just at the start.
07:37Yeah, that's fine.
07:38You can hold one if you want.
07:40A bat?
07:42Yeah.
07:43Why would I want to hold a bat?
07:45Broke its wing.
07:46Good.
07:47So it can't fly and drink blood from a cow, or drink the blood from the neck of a woman,
07:51if it's Dracula.
07:52That's totally different.
07:53Okay.
07:54You know, a lot of the children, they're scared at first, but they get over it.
07:57Yeah, oh, I'll get over it.
07:58Yeah, fine.
07:59Hold your hands up, then.
08:01No, like a book.
08:03Sorry, for some reason I thought you meant like Jesus.
08:06If you've got any concerns, you can ask me a question.
08:08Yeah, okay.
08:09Could it give me rabies?
08:10No.
08:11Could it give me TB?
08:12No.
08:13Could it give me, I want to say botulism?
08:15No.
08:16Could it give me any, and I mean any form of AIDS?
08:19No.
08:20Will it bite me?
08:21No.
08:22Could it bite me?
08:23It's unlikely.
08:24Will it lick me?
08:25No.
08:26Could it lick me?
08:27In theory, yes.
08:28Is it tongue rough?
08:29No.
08:30Is it tongue hot?
08:31Honestly, I don't know.
08:32Is it heavy?
08:33No.
08:34Does it stink?
08:35No.
08:36Does it stink a little bit?
08:37Maybe.
08:38Do you want to hold the bat?
08:39All right, all right.
08:40You hold the stick.
08:41I'll stroke the bird.
08:42There you are, look.
08:44Huh.
08:45What's his name?
08:46Kieran.
08:47What's your name?
08:48Kieran.
08:49I've got to go now, Kieran.
08:55Bye.
08:56Bye!
08:57Now, walls, not ice cream or sausages, but actual walls.
09:03I think it would be a great topic for a documentary.
09:06The BBC wouldn't commission it, because it doesn't have trans drug addicts.
09:09But, as a topic for a phone-in, I think it would be second to none.
09:12What's your favourite wall?
09:13Dry stone.
09:15Post and rail.
09:17Partition.
09:18Load-bearing.
09:19Great of China.
09:20Whaling.
09:21Berlin.
09:23And Adrian's.
09:24What's your favourite type of wall?
09:25A crinkle-crankle wall.
09:27The shape of it provides lateral stability without the need for buttresses.
09:31Got it.
09:32So, why doesn't your girlfriend play badminton in Paris with you?
09:35Because I like to play squash.
09:37Look up, crinkle-crankle wall.
09:45I think the tavern I'm supposed to be staying at is in that direction.
09:48But it's very hard to tell.
09:52Excuse me.
09:53I wonder if you could help me out.
09:55I'm...
09:56I'm, er...
09:57I'm trying to locate a pub.
09:59And I know it's over there, but everywhere looks the same.
10:01I mean, I've heard of going snow-blind.
10:03Well, I think I'm going green-blind.
10:05Do you mind if I borrow your binoculars?
10:07Yeah.
10:09As in, yeah, I mind.
10:10What, so I can't borrow them?
10:11Well, I don't know you.
10:12I'm...
10:13Look, it's a personal item that I put on my face.
10:16Aha!
10:18Okay.
10:19And a man comes up to me, making noises, wanting to smear his eyes and fingers on them first.
10:23It's basic hygiene, mate.
10:24What an odd man.
10:33What a cross man.
10:36What a shit man.
10:38It's funny, if someone had done that to me in ordinary life, I'd follow them, wait until
10:45they were having a wee, and then push them over.
10:48But out here, in nature, it just didn't seem to matter.
10:51And whilst it's easy to get a bit lost if your phone dies because your assistant didn't charge
10:56it, the vantage point I reached revealed the quiet grandeur of the Derbyshire hills.
11:01Each with its own story, its own history, and together an enduring testament to the
11:07power of nature to inspire and uplift.
11:10I told her to fucking charge it.
11:126pm, and with a slightly dirty bottom, I've reached the hind and harrow in Upper Booth,
11:18my digs for the night.
11:20Step through this door and you step back in time.
11:24The unisex toilets and genderfluid bar staff, the alcohol-free gin, baffling, and generally
11:31humorless attitude of the clientele are all very well for a city bar.
11:35But if you want to knees up round the old Joanna, don't go there.
11:39Hear, hear.
11:40Give me a warm fire, warm beer, the warm smell of dog, and a warm welcome from the regulars.
11:47Trevor here has offered to buy a pint for this weary traveller.
11:50Sadly, in a city bar, the offer of a free drink would come with the subtext of sex.
11:55But here, it's just two regular fellas having a chimney over a pint.
11:59Same again, Trevor.
12:00Why not?
12:01Trevor here is an amateur historian.
12:03And I believe this place was once a popular haunt for highwaymen.
12:07Oh, very much so.
12:08There were rich pickings along these roads for the unscrupulous thief.
12:12It's incredible, isn't it, that someone looking for people with a few bob would come to what is effectively Derby.
12:18Yeah, the Peak District is steeped in stories, myths and monsters.
12:23Legend has it that the spirits come out at night.
12:26And that's not just Bill when he starts on the gin.
12:29Despite a habit of passing off pre-prepared sentences as spontaneous thought, Trevor proved to be genial company.
12:36There you go.
12:37Keep the change.
12:38Oh, thanks.
12:39Right, how much was it?
12:4010.80.
12:41He gave me 20.
12:42Oh.
12:43Er...
12:44Don't worry about it.
12:45Do you know what?
12:46Keep it.
12:47Yeah.
12:48Right, you could do a lot worse and stay here.
12:50A tavern like this would be beyond the means of most travellers.
12:53Many would stay in a bothy as a stone hut without warmth, light or comfort.
13:00Reminds me of living with the ex-wife.
13:03Ah, yes.
13:04My ex-wife kept a good home.
13:05She was just emotionally toxic.
13:07I could...
13:08Cheese and onion crisps.
13:09Oh, yes.
13:10A bothy is not of the calibre of a place you'd find on Airbnb.
13:13Yeah, although some of those aren't all they're cracked up to be.
13:16I once stayed at an Airbnb that had no knives.
13:18Spent all evening trying to cut up lamb chops with the side of a spoon.
13:22My God, I gave it a bad review.
13:24And the next day they texted me saying there's a tray of knives under the bed.
13:27And I'm supposed to know.
13:28Ah, it's £1.10 for crisps.
13:30Right.
13:31Er...
13:32Haven't got the 10p.
13:33They're £1.10 though, that's the thing.
13:35Okay.
13:36Er...
13:37Right.
13:38Oh, it's £5 minimum car payment.
13:40Okay, well...
13:41I mean, it's 10p.
13:43I can just put them back.
13:45Okay, fine.
13:48And are the bar staff normally this friendly?
13:51Is this still about the crisps?
13:52Yeah, I find it incredible that you were gifted nearly £10 and you act like nothing happened.
13:57I said thank you.
13:58Yeah, when I needed a favour I get zilch.
14:00You want me to pay for your crisps with my money?
14:0210p out of the £9.20 I gave you.
14:05Yeah, gave.
14:06It belongs to me.
14:07Sir, money them tips.
14:08Sorry, don't remember asking you.
14:10Do you know how much your barmaid earned?
14:12She's got three kids to support.
14:14I've got three grandchildren to support and she's taken the Christmas money.
14:18Yeah?
14:19You want to play that game?
14:20You give them three quid each.
14:21It's a WH Smith gift token.
14:23Three quid?
14:24Yeah, you can get a couple of pencils for that.
14:26After a frank exchange of views, I enjoyed an early night.
14:30Albeit with an open penknife in my hand.
14:33Day two of my mental health hike in the Peak District and today I'll be scaling its highest hill, Kinder Scout.
14:46Sometimes think about how my life might have turned out had I taken a different path.
14:53Um, I can imagine myself up here, up here as a shepherd.
14:59Perhaps dressed in a woollen jerkin.
15:04Uh, salvaged from the carcass of a dead sheep.
15:07Because I wouldn't want to waste the wool.
15:10Uh, a woollen hat, trousers, also made of wool.
15:15And perhaps some sheepskin boots, um, taken from a different part of the sheep.
15:22So that I would be dressed, uh, almost completely.
15:26Uh, not as a sheep, but in sheep.
15:30Those clouds look a bit like sheep.
15:34God, I'm bored.
15:37The last time I came to the Peak District was as a presenter of Tea Time magazine show This Time,
15:43where I reported on blacksmith Ron Eccles' fight to keep his ancient craft alive.
15:48There's something wonderfully elemental about watching a blacksmith at work.
15:52Um, if you see Sean Bean or Liam Neeson hammering an anvil in a drama, you know you're in for a treat.
15:58Even on ITV.
15:59But traditional craftsmanship is something that we don't see very often.
16:03Now everything's done for you.
16:04We're losing the skills that have been handed down to us over centuries.
16:08And I tell you, once it's gone, it's gone.
16:11Yeah, you see these people, don't you, queuing round the block for the latest trainers or working in an Apple store.
16:16And yet, if Britain came under a cyber attack from...
16:18China.
16:19...the EU or Ireland, you think they would come a cropper?
16:22They'd starve to death.
16:23Yeah, good.
16:24I thought a blacksmith would be more like Liam Neeson, but you're quite chatty, aren't you?
16:28And so are you.
16:29Yeah, well, the survivors are gonna need someone to man the airwaves.
16:32I'm Alan Partridge.
16:33Don't forget, if a relative or loved one has just died, to burn the corpse immediately before decomposition,
16:39because if those maggots hatch into blue bottles and the plague becomes airborne, then we're all for it.
16:44This is Shania Twain, and you're still the one I want.
16:47I wonder if she made it.
16:48I believe she had a ranch with some horses.
16:50I'm sure she'll be fine.
16:51But even without a primetime TV show, there's always the chance to meet new people and learn new skills.
16:57This morning, I've happened across a farmer who spent the last half hour telling me about the ancient craft of sheepherding,
17:04which he says takes decades to master.
17:07So, it's settled, steady, and what?
17:09Come by.
17:10Got it. Give me the whistle.
17:13Come by.
17:15Come by.
17:19Walk on.
17:20Have you done this before?
17:22No.
17:23Walk on.
17:25Steady.
17:26Walk on.
17:27Steady.
17:28Walk on.
17:29Are you sure you've never done this before?
17:30Yep.
17:31Steady.
17:32There we go.
17:33OK.
17:34Settle.
17:35Settle.
17:36Settle.
17:37Very good.
17:38I found that quite easy.
17:39Really?
17:40Yeah.
17:41Do you ever use any part-time herders or shepherds, you know?
17:45Yeah, if you've got a day off or something, you know, I can just talk more about it later.
17:51Yeah, yeah.
17:52Yeah, I found that quite easy.
17:55A fun morning.
17:56And while I was later upbraided for strapping a camera to a sheep, as far as I could tell, the sheep liked it.
18:01I'm walking along a sheep trail, as opposed to a human path.
18:07I think it was a Chinese man who once said, if you follow in the footsteps of a sheep, eventually it will lead you to a sheep.
18:14Erm, a Chinese man said that to me outside the O2, after a Coldplay concert.
18:21And he had a camper van.
18:23Asked me to pop inside.
18:25Er, popped inside.
18:27Erm.
18:28Erm.
18:29And then immediately regretted it, because...
18:31Erm.
18:32Again, first.
18:33...that was a young man who was present...
18:37Oh, the body's of my soul,
18:43love for all the souls.
18:44Young, joyless, and desperate,
18:48CHOIR SINGS
19:18What the hell is this?
19:32Oh, hello.
19:33This is choirmaster Robin Gaskell.
19:35He and his youth choir dressed as businessmen
19:38have come to this cave to take advantage of its incredible acoustics
19:41and because the church they normally sing in
19:43is having its pews and kneelers wiped clean.
19:46When I heard that singing, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.
19:49I mean, I'm glad I haven't.
19:51And I'm sure you've got a few more years left in you.
19:53Yeah, I hope so.
19:54And so have you, because you're not that young either.
19:57And besides, a gypsy told me I was going to live till I was 90.
19:59Really?
20:00Yes, and she was right about my wife cheating on me.
20:02So, you must be proud as punch of this lot.
20:06Mm-hmm.
20:06Well, you should tell them then.
20:08They could be out there sniffing glue, but they're not.
20:11I mean, they might do later, but right now they're here lifting people's spirits.
20:14They certainly lifted mine because I didn't have a very nice breakfast.
20:16And, um, and all the parents, they know you bring their kids here?
20:24Yes.
20:24Yeah, good, good.
20:28When people talk about Stonehenge as if it's the only henge,
20:33I allow myself a quiet chuckle.
20:36I mean, throw a stick in Derbyshire and you hit a henge.
20:39I once threw a stick at a goat.
20:41Excuse me!
20:42Can you, can you help?
20:44Okay, my name's Alan.
20:46What's your name?
20:47Jeff.
20:47Jeff.
20:48Am I all right to call you Jeff, Jeff?
20:49Yeah.
20:50Thanks, Jeff.
20:51Are you a paramedic?
20:52I'm not a paramedic, but I'm using the intonation of a paramedic.
20:54Is that okay, Jeff?
20:55Uh.
20:56Thanks, Jeff.
20:57I've broken my leg.
20:58Hey, hey, hey, look at me.
20:59No one's broken any legs, all right?
21:01No, I have, look.
21:02Oh, that's a broken leg.
21:04Jeff, I want you to look at me.
21:06Whatever you do, keep your head as still as possible.
21:09Why, do you think I've broken my neck?
21:10Oh, no, you've got to nugget a sheepship by your head.
21:12Right, let's take a look.
21:13Pulse, good.
21:15Temp, good.
21:16Open mouth.
21:17Mouth, good.
21:18Say R.
21:19R.
21:20R, good.
21:20Stick your tongue out.
21:21Bit further, bit further.
21:23Fucking hell, you've got a long tongue.
21:25How many fingers am I holding up?
21:27Two.
21:28Four.
21:29Two.
21:29One.
21:30Shit, I'm just giving you my pen number.
21:31Can you call Mountain Rescue?
21:33Here, use my Blue Harbor zile as a cushion.
21:36And you can use my fleece, also Blue Harbor, as a blanket.
21:41There we go.
21:42You look like you've got four arms now.
21:44In case you lack energy, I've stripped a Kit Kat to the waist, placed into the palm of your hands.
21:49If you can't chew it, suck it.
21:51If you need more energy, take your trousers off and suck him some more.
21:55And you wouldn't know it because of how helpful I'm being, but just to confirm, I think you and I both know that you're the person who wouldn't lend me the binoculars yesterday.
22:07It wasn't anything personal.
22:09I just have an anxiety regarding my face.
22:11It's all right.
22:11I don't hold a grudge.
22:12I don't hold a grudge.
22:14Pardon?
22:15I didn't say anything.
22:16I thought I heard a thank you.
22:17If I'd known it was you, I would have lent you my binoculars.
22:20Why?
22:20Because celebrities don't have dirty eyes.
22:23I'll leave you with that, Jeff.
22:25This is when a proper hiking queue is essential.
22:28If I was wearing a fashion trainer, I wouldn't be as half as able to gallop as I am here.
22:35I'm zigzagging to minimize the downward trajectory.
22:40Sorry.
22:45So, it's...
22:46Recovered.
22:50Nice one, Alan.
22:55Whip service do you require?
22:57Helicopter, please.
22:58Injured man located.
22:59Is this an ambulance you need?
23:01A flying one, yes.
23:03Where are you?
23:04Peak District National Park, two clicks north of Castleton.
23:07That's Castleton, Charlie, Alpha, Sausage, Tango, Lima.
23:12Right, I've got it.
23:13Can you tell me exactly what happened?
23:15I can, but I've just realized I used the word sausage instead of Sierra for the phonetic alphabet.
23:19But that's because I'm hungry and I had sausage for breakfast.
23:22Just in the helicopter.
23:23Scramble, scramble.
23:24Sorry, I'm thinking about breakfast again.
23:28I injured my knee playing rugby.
23:29She was my physio.
23:30Yeah, my girlfriend's in Paris and my best friend.
23:33Oh, good.
23:34No, it's fine.
23:34They play badminton together and they've never played on any French courts before,
23:39so I think they wanted to go over and check out a few of those.
23:41You want some water, Walter?
23:43No, you're all right.
23:44It's the hygiene thing again.
23:46Like with the binoculars yesterday.
23:48If you knew how many germs were in your saliva.
23:50I don't dribble down the spout when I drink from it.
23:52If your lips have touched it, your saliva will be in it.
23:54Yes, but not sufficient to carry a viral load.
23:57Oh, right, okay.
23:57So I must have imagined the COVID epidemic that killed over 7 million people.
24:01You've got more chance of catching germs when you touch a doorknob,
24:04but I'll bet you still do that.
24:05Touching a doorknob is unavoidable risk.
24:06Sharing a bottle is not.
24:07I'm doing a documentary on mental health,
24:09but I'll tell you something, mate.
24:10You're potty.
24:11French badminton courts are no different to British ones.
24:13A badminton court is a badminton court.
24:18I don't accept that.
24:19Pacing's this way.
24:30I want to show a few times we're going to come in an EC-15 or an AS-355.
24:35355, where is he?
24:36You can tell that by the lack of vertical stabiliser on the tailbone,
24:39which means it will struggle with crosswind.
24:42Pacing's this way.
24:43But on the plus side, much more aerodynamic.
24:46But you'll know that already.
24:49Did you know that already?
24:52Roughly when did it happen, Jeff?
24:53Patient was found at 1,400 hours.
24:56About 2 o'clock, Jeff.
24:57Yeah, I think so, yeah.
24:58Kept the patient still,
24:59administered two fingers at a chocolate wafer bar, orally.
25:02And have you been sick, Jeff?
25:03No, I didn't think so.
25:04Cream of chicken soup, administered for hydration,
25:06patient was unreceptive.
25:07Okay, we're going to get you out of here, Jeff.
25:09Get you on a stretcher, all right?
25:10That's right.
25:11Get him on the whirlybird.
25:11Releasing Blue Harbour, one, two, three.
25:13Ah!
25:16You want me in the front of a bag?
25:17You can't come with that.
25:18How do you like soccer?
25:20You can't come with that.
25:21How do you like soccer?
25:22How do you like soccer?
25:27It's funny.
25:28I came to the great outdoors to fix a head.
25:30I left having fixed a leg,
25:32although I'm told the chap will need to use a cane.
25:34And, of course, we couldn't do what we do
25:38if it weren't for the help of ordinary people
25:40doing extraordinary things.
25:43And that's why we award Citizen Bravery Awards.
25:46First, Daniel Allison.
25:48In January, Daniel's dad had a heart attack.
25:51Daniel managed to perform CPR
25:53whilst waiting for the air ambulance.
25:56Daniel.
26:05Next, Alan Partridge.
26:08Just this month, Alan ran for half a mile
26:11to Core Mountain Rescue
26:12after finding an injured hiker.
26:15Alan.
26:15Members of the press,
26:29Lord Mayor Robert, Lady Mergenine,
26:32and our WPC lady here.
26:36People ask me,
26:39why is Britain great?
26:41I tell them,
26:42it's the heroes.
26:44Me,
26:45I am not a hero.
26:47Any big, strong man
26:49would have done what I did.
26:51The real heroes
26:52are the brave men and women
26:53of Mountain Rescue
26:54and their patron,
26:56His Royal Highness,
26:57the Prince of Wales,
26:58himself a former helicopter rescue man.
27:01I know Prince Andrew
27:03also takes an interest,
27:04having once been a helicopter pilot himself.
27:06Although he, uh,
27:07takes more of a backseat role these days.
27:10Still, a consummate pilot.
27:12He knows how to handle an unruly bird
27:15even when taking heavy flack
27:17during turbulence.
27:18Trick is to get as far away
27:19from the storm as possible.
27:22I'm sorry about that.
27:23Someone said that would be funny.
27:24I don't think it is.
27:24I think it's awful what he did.
27:27Let's simply salute a gifted pilot
27:29and a world-class trade envoy.
27:32His friendship with a rich, dead, bad man
27:34notwithstanding.
27:37Uh, as for Jeff,
27:39uh, the chap whose life I saved,
27:40it's funny.
27:41Uh, he thinks I helped him.
27:43But he's healed something in me.
27:46So I don't want to hear any more
27:48of this Alan Partridge is a hero.
27:51Alan Partridge puts his life on the line.
27:54Nonsense.
27:54They're just empty words.
27:57The words that really meant something
27:59aren't on a certificate.
28:01They come from my ten-year-old godson,
28:03Chris Tarver,
28:04who, when asked what he wanted to be
28:06when he grew up,
28:06said,
28:07I want to be like Alan,
28:08a hero.
28:10His dad said to him,
28:11but I only told you Alan had found an injured man.
28:14You didn't hear the end of the story.
28:16I didn't need to, replied the boy,
28:19because I knew as soon as Alan found him...
28:21Because I knew as soon as Alan found him,
28:30he was going to be all right.
28:33I want this helicopter.
28:39And if you're feeling kind of sad,
28:47come over to my house.
28:49I'll make you some chicken soup
28:52and I'll be asking these simple questions.
28:56How are you?
28:58How am I?
28:59How is he?
29:01How is she?
29:02How are they?
29:05How?
29:09How are they?
29:26How are they?
29:27How are they?
29:31How are they?
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