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How.Are.You.Its.Alan.Partridge.S01E03
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00:00It's Monday, and I'm covering the breakfast show for a radio station I worked for during
00:27my year living in Saudi Arabia. And thanks to the magic of technology, I'm able to broadcast
00:32bright morning vibes and government-sanctioned messages from a completely different time zone
00:37in a Norwich business park. The time here in Jeddah is 8am. Good morning, God is great.
00:43Formerly known as Sand FM, this is Golf Digital. I'm Alan Partridge, doing the breakfast show,
00:48covering for Kenny Badenoch, who can't be with us after he fell off a quad bike doing a wheelie
00:52in front of some women. Two words, Ken. Frockle control.
00:57But now, time for tea, sponsored by Al-Fahidi Arabian Tea House on Bar Al Arab Street.
01:05And tea of the week is lemon verbena tea, which, I have to say, is smelling wonderfully fragrant.
01:15Mmm. And... Mmm. Doesn't taste half bad either. This is Abba, and I am a tiger.
01:24Allah... Wrong button. This is Abba, and I am a tiger.
01:32Spending five hours alone in this radio studio drinking another man's bovril makes me wonder,
01:37do we need other people? It's the question I'll be asking as I probe the mental health of the nation
01:43in association with Flench & Son Tanning Centres.
01:46Welcome to How Are You? It's Alan Partridge.
01:52How are you?
01:57Is there any feeling in life like the feeling of being clean?
02:04The pleasure of a correctly scrubbed body.
02:10Every crevice, every hole, bubble bath clean.
02:16In 2024, I fronted an educational video for Help the Aged, teaching elderly people how to wash properly.
02:24In the end, the campaign, Wash with Alan, never aired due to creative differences.
02:29But it's a useful reminder of how comfortable we are talking about our physical hygiene.
02:34But our mental hygiene? Not so much.
02:37Which is why I'm on a journey to better understand the mental hygiene or health of the nation.
02:44For whilst it's considered polite to bathe alone, unless you've got a new girlfriend,
02:49is it healthy to be alone?
02:51Or do we gain our mental strength from others?
02:55It's something I'm pondering in Norwich on what I think of as a cross between a think and a walk.
03:01A filk.
03:02Or a...
03:03No, just a filk.
03:04You join me on one of my Norfolk walks, where it's me, alone, with my thoughts and a 360-degree camera to capture it all.
03:16You do get some strange looks from Norfolk-onians, or Norwich-idians.
03:23They fear new things, be it air fryers, women bishops, or gay dads.
03:29And I must admit, the last one took me a while, but I was soon fully on board, once the requisite checks were in place.
03:37It, er...
03:38It is marvellous out here, just, er, just the bees, the trees, shrubs and the grubs, the flowers, the occasional showers.
03:47Yes, the sky and I, so, it's quite easy poetry, actually.
03:52You don't need a degree, you just write what you see.
03:55Listen to me, that's poetry.
03:57Would you like a cup of, no, just four.
04:02I do love nature, but push comes to shove, I like humans, I like human company.
04:09I'm happy to hug a tree once a year, but, er, you can't take a tree for dinner with you.
04:15You get some strange looks from diners, if you, if you did.
04:18I must tell my friend, the, er, well-known Norfolk sunbed tycoon, Daryl Flench, that one.
04:25He may, he had a very funny comment.
04:26He said, er, he said, the thing about these tree huggers, he said, is if they take it any further, they're liable to get splinters.
04:33Yes.
04:35Very funny guy.
04:36I mean, he's got his demons, he's medically addicted to being suntanned, but, er, he's all right.
04:42Talk of the devil, there's, er, Daryl Flench's Range Rover parked next to Katrina's.
04:48Hey, Daryl!
04:51Are you doing it, er, for Katrina's?
04:55He probably thought, he saw my, he'll see my car and thought I was in, saw that I wasn't, gone across the road, see what she's up to.
05:05Yeah.
05:08So which side of the line are you on? Like I say, I'm very much a people person, one who fits effortlessly into different social tribes.
05:17Far from being misogynistic, the lyric, fat bottomed girls, you make the rocking world go round, is a statement of medical fact.
05:24I'm at ease hanging out with my racket club pals in person, or on a WhatsApp group called the badminton bad boys.
05:30These women have more prominent hindquarters, due to higher oestrogen levels, which deposit fat around the buttocks and thighs, which attracts a mate, which leads to the propagation of the human race.
05:41So, figuratively speaking, fat bottomed girls do in fact make the rocking world go round.
05:47I applaud him. Here's to you, Brian.
05:49Actually, we're still alive, isn't it? To Brian, mate. To Dr. Brian.
05:51To Dr. Brian, mate. Cheers.
05:53We'll talk about everything from tax to cars, with the chat only drying up when Eddie mentions his divorce again.
05:59I'm also a social animal when it comes to my partner's girlfriends, where I have the thrill of fitting into an exciting new friendship group.
06:11You wonder what she sees in him.
06:13Let's pop that there.
06:14Maybe he's got a big cock.
06:18Just let that steep for a minute.
06:20They're a fantastic bunch, and when the five of us get together, things can get pretty raucous.
06:26There's a real joie de vivre, and it's great to just tag along.
06:30It's not a fashion stick.
06:32Yep, like it or not, humans are social animals.
06:35And where once we herded together around campfires or churches, today we gather around a different watering hole, the coffee shop.
06:44In the atomized world of isolated living, the coffee shop is one of the last bastions of human interaction.
06:51And not even a grumpy mum's netter, who leaves the door open because she's got a pram, and that means that she can't close doors, can spoil the cool vibes.
06:59I'd like to order an Americano, please.
07:01Whenever you're ready.
07:02Okay.
07:04Can I have an Americano, please?
07:06You order it on the touchscreen.
07:08But you're here.
07:10I know, but you do it on the touchscreen.
07:11Okay, why?
07:13That's why you do it.
07:15Right, and what happens then?
07:16The order goes to the barista.
07:19And who's that?
07:21So, can you make the coffee?
07:24Nothing's come through.
07:25Okay, yeah, start new order.
07:28Takeaway, hot drinks, Americano, medium.
07:32Place order.
07:35There we go.
07:36It says placing order.
07:39So, can you make it?
07:41Does it say placed or placing?
07:42Placing.
07:44Yeah, nothing's come through.
07:46Okay, well, can you not start making it?
07:49I don't know what you want.
07:50I want an Americano medium to go.
07:53Yes, come through.
07:53Right, great, thank you.
07:56Does it strike you as insane that you're there and I'm here and we have to go through a robot middleman to order a coffee?
08:03Instead of me using my mouth to communicate the information to your ears, which is how human beings have done it for 10,000 years.
08:11Got to be.
08:12Got to be 10,000 years.
08:14It wouldn't have been a coffee then.
08:15It would have been, you know, woolly mammoth milk, something like that.
08:18What did you say?
08:20It was ironic that the very technology designed to bypass human interaction actually sparked a lively conversation.
08:26We talked about the internet, AI, even how robots were once used to sell instant potato, before leaving empty-handed.
08:35Unfortunately, Gen Z's seem incapable of saying, hey, mate, you've forgotten your coffee.
08:40But the visit to the cafe troubled me.
08:44It seems technology is severing the ties that once bound us and isolation is on the rise, though this is stock footage and that lady is not me.
08:52But as I munch gum in a friend's vineyard, I wonder, are we sleepwalking into isolation, as one might sleepwalk nude into a kitchen?
09:00Or are some of us seeking it out?
09:02It's something I first touched on in a report for the BBC's This Time programme in 2021.
09:07Hell is other people.
09:11So spoke French philosopher Jean-Michel Jarre.
09:13A story on the UK's housing shortage, during which I visited the home of co-renters I mistakenly referred to as rent boys and rent girls, for which I later apologised.
09:24Meet Gina as she quietly says hello.
09:27A trainee physiotherapist living like so many, with the nightmare of forced proximity.
09:33And how many people live here right now?
09:35There's three of us.
09:37But there's only two bedrooms?
09:39They turned one of the rooms downstairs into another bedroom.
09:41Which would have been the dining room?
09:43Yeah.
09:43So if you want to have a dinner party, ain't happening?
09:46Yeah, we didn't really do that.
09:47I've been asked to shine a light on what it's like for a young generation forced to share space with others.
09:52You have never known the joy, the pleasure of hosting a dinner party for, let's say, the head of a local car dealership network and his charming wife, a leading Rotarian and his charming daughter, and a couple of charming divorcee friends.
10:06Though as the conversation went on, I realised I knew nothing about the young generation.
10:11Do you mind me asking you how many bathrooms you have?
10:13One.
10:14One each?
10:15One between us.
10:16How does that work?
10:17Well, when you're out, you kind of just shout down the stairs, bathroom's free.
10:20Right, so you literally have to shout.
10:23Yeah.
10:23So you're standing right where you are now.
10:25Yeah.
10:26And you shout.
10:28Bathroom's free.
10:28Bathroom's free.
10:30Exactly, yeah.
10:30You know, your bathroom might not be free, but your spirit.
10:34Well, it is.
10:36It's been a pleasure meeting you.
10:38I'll see myself out.
10:42It is below asking price, but it's the vendor.
10:46Yeah.
10:48Oh, don't, can I just put you on hold for a second?
10:50The other bit is just trying me.
10:52Yeah, one sec.
10:52Today, visiting Gina again, I find things have changed beyond all recognition.
10:59She no longer works as a physiotherapist, instead working for a thriving nationwide estate agency.
11:05Honestly, to hear the way you handled those two customers earlier was a privilege.
11:09And when I saw you play one buyer off against another, I started to well up.
11:13And then when you had an audible conversation with the vendor on the other line,
11:16and I suddenly realised there was no vendor, you'd invented him,
11:19and the whole thing was an elaborate deception,
11:21and I thought, my goodness, her confidence has blossomed.
11:24It had been great to see Gina again,
11:26and witness how living alone had made her a happier, more effective person.
11:30A rabbit-like earlier, and then two fangs, which I've had flattened.
11:34So, isolation at home is no bad thing.
11:39But what about in the workplace?
11:41Some people embrace solitude.
11:44Lollipop men.
11:45Male librarians.
11:46Male dinner ladies, or dinner men.
11:49But if I were to say to you,
11:51no, crane drivers,
11:53you'd probably think,
11:54that's an interesting one, Alan,
11:56and one I hadn't thought of.
11:57Mention hermits, and people think of bearded cave dwellers,
12:01but today's hermits are found 200 feet in the air.
12:04I'm talking about the men and women,
12:06there's one on a building site in Leeds,
12:08who operate cranes.
12:10I'm here at Ground Zero.
12:13Don't worry, I don't mean the New York tourist attraction.
12:16I mean, I'm simply standing on the ground.
12:18And I'm here to talk to crane driver Paul Jones.
12:21But I don't want to shout.
12:22Solution, the first ever British television interview
12:25conducted by Walkie Talkie conducted.
12:28Ground control to Major Tom.
12:30Can you hear me, Major Tom? Over.
12:32My name's Paul.
12:34Right, yeah.
12:34Can you see me?
12:36I'm wearing red, Paul. Over.
12:38A red pullover.
12:39No, I'm not wearing a red pullover, Paul.
12:41I'm wearing red pullover.
12:43Although I am wearing a red pullover, Paul. Over.
12:45Pullover, pullover.
12:47So you're wearing two...
12:48No, just wearing one pullover, Paul. Over.
12:50So I'm going to stop saying over, Paul. Over.
12:52That was the last one.
12:54I enjoyed Paul's accent,
12:56one of those slower Liverpudlian accents
12:58a non-Liverpudlian can follow.
13:00It's a fact many people find the Liverpool accent indecipherable,
13:03which is why they cancelled Brookside.
13:06We all have different ways of coping with solitude.
13:08In the film Cast Away,
13:09Tom Hanks started going out with a football.
13:12When I'm stuck on my own, I hum hymns,
13:14or if I've got a wet mouth,
13:15I do free-form whistling.
13:17What do you do?
13:19I read.
13:19I observe.
13:21Um, I embrace solitude.
13:23What about friends?
13:24Do you get on with the other crane drivers?
13:26No.
13:27Do you have a partner?
13:28I'm a hermit who lives in a box,
13:30pissing into plastic bottles all day.
13:32It's not a life people can get their head around.
13:34Yeah, I wouldn't open with it on my Tinder profile.
13:37It sounds quite lonely, Paul.
13:39Does a shepherd get lonely as he watches his flock?
13:43I don't know.
13:44I think they just go on their phones.
13:46Like Zeus looking down from Mount Olympus.
13:49I look down from on high
13:50and see people like ants on the hind legs
13:53with four spare arms.
13:54You do get regular evaluations.
13:57As the conversation went on,
13:58I began to question whether the man was even in a crane.
14:01All I had was his word,
14:03and remember, he was still essentially a builder.
14:05The same way God created the world.
14:09Yeah, but that's not being God-like, is it?
14:11That's just being high up.
14:12I mean, people who fly helicopters are high up,
14:15but Noel Evans wouldn't say he was God.
14:17That's a really bad example.
14:19With no evidence to support his claim,
14:21it was with regret I decided to terminate the interview
14:24at 10.56am.
14:26How are you?
14:28So people matter,
14:34and having the right people around you
14:35puts you firmly in the mental health driving seat,
14:38even if some relationships call for more delicate handling.
14:41Oh, I've got a man coming to towel the bathroom this afternoon,
14:44so he'll need the keys and the money.
14:48Right, well, there are the keys.
14:52You're going to be in...
14:53You're going to be out all day.
14:55Yeah, I told you, I've got to go to London,
14:57see my solicitor about that tenant.
14:59Oh, the troublesome one.
15:00Oh, yes.
15:05She reckons that there's damp.
15:07Yeah, well, there wasn't when she moved in.
15:09She probably put it there.
15:11Of course, an employer-employee dynamic
15:13is different to a lover-lovee dynamic,
15:15and the tension between them has to be navigated with care.
15:19Well, remember to ask for that money,
15:20only I'm not certain she paid you back last time.
15:22Perhaps I should keep a tally.
15:25Lynne, our relationship is more than
15:27just penny-pinching and bean-counting.
15:30It's a two-way flow of goods and services,
15:32like the Irish border.
15:34I just hate to think of you becoming a bit of a Dennis Thatcher.
15:37He got to meet a lot of very important wives.
15:40Give her another chance, Lynne.
15:41I know you probably think she's just a sexy witch,
15:44but she goes to the gym three times a week,
15:46and I love her unconditionally.
15:48So should I keep a tally?
15:50Yes, keep a tally.
15:51Oh, don't crease it.
15:56But away from the personal realm,
15:58psychologists believe interaction with people
16:00in our professional lives has mental health benefits, too.
16:04I've headed to a train station
16:05with one of the fattest yellow lines on the network
16:08to find out more.
16:09As Norfolk's former car laureate,
16:12tasked with promoting car use and ownership across the county,
16:15I was contractually precluded from using public transport wherever possible.
16:19But today, I adore train travel.
16:22Relaxing with my shoes off
16:24as we wend our way past the golf courses
16:26that make up our precious green belt.
16:28For me, train travel is the best way to see Britain,
16:31but I'm not talking about what you see out of the window.
16:33I'm talking about what you find inside the train.
16:36The people.
16:37Cup of coffee and a Kit-Kat, please.
16:39So I've come to experience for myself
16:42whether being one of these people can improve the way we feel.
16:45And to test it out,
16:47there can be no better job than this.
16:49Attempts anyone?
16:50Hot and cold snacks?
16:51A train attendant.
16:53Keep your elbows in, please.
16:54Theirs is a life of constant interactions.
16:57Just tuck your feet in there, love.
16:58Each one stimulating the release of feel-good brain drug dopamine.
17:03I like going backwards.
17:04And as I leaned into the role...
17:05Teas and coffees!
17:07I found myself able to cope with situations
17:09that would normally be stressful.
17:11There we go.
17:12Ow! Ow!
17:13I do apologise.
17:14It's my first date.
17:14I'll get you some ice.
17:16We've got no ice.
17:17What can I get you to hold against it?
17:18I can give you a can of Sprite.
17:20Oh, OK, thanks.
17:22£1.50.
17:23Oh, jeez.
17:28It's not even cold.
17:29I know, there's no ice.
17:30I don't even want a Sprite.
17:32Well, why'd you buy one then, silly man?
17:34And when my social battery began to dim around Stowe Market,
17:37my respect for Britain's trolley attendance only deepened.
17:40Nothing a bit less rich.
17:42Just what's on the menu.
17:44Is the risotto any good?
17:46It's train risotto.
17:50If you want a candlelit dinner, I suggest you catch the Orient Express,
17:54but I don't think it stops at Ipswich.
17:56Just another one of its luxury features.
17:59Is it any good?
18:00Well, if you lower your expectations to a savoury rice pudding
18:05with two mushrooms in it,
18:06I won't say you won't be disappointed,
18:08but you won't be as disappointed.
18:10I'll have one.
18:11Great.
18:12OK.
18:12My colleagues, let's just get it out of the microwave.
18:16Enjoy your meal.
18:17What?
18:18Eat your meal.
18:19It's just not really appropriate.
18:21I like to make a little joke.
18:23Most of them get it.
18:24It had been a fascinating morning serving snacks and hot drinks
18:27in which only a single passenger had been scolded.
18:30For the afternoon, though,
18:31I was keen to try a roll with a dash more authority.
18:34Tickets and passers, please.
18:36Tickets and passers, please.
18:37Tickets and passers, please.
18:38Tickets and passers, please.
18:40Tickets and passers, please.
18:43Hello.
18:44Yeah, these are economy.
18:45They're not valid in first class, I'm afraid.
18:46There's no room in economy.
18:48There are two seats in the next carriage
18:50and two seats in the very last carriage.
18:52They're not together.
18:53They're not together, no.
18:54So if you just want to get your things.
18:56Looking back now, I realised that,
18:58while initially enjoyable,
19:00the authority I'd been granted was intoxicating.
19:03Yeah, this is an off-peak.
19:04And while I think it's important,
19:06the aisles were kept clear.
19:07You want to pop your bag on the shelf provided.
19:09The power was turning me into an Alan I didn't like.
19:13Alan Sugar.
19:15It was time to go home.
19:16Station sign.
19:18How are you?
19:23When it comes to mental health,
19:25some say there's no better antidepressant
19:27than the one you can pat on the head.
19:29Dogs have been providing us with companionship
19:31and a welcome mood boost for millennia.
19:34And while my friends in Saudi
19:36consider them to be unclean, I disagree.
19:39Though mean no disrespect whatsoever
19:41to the kingdom or to his excellency.
19:44I am off to
19:46the local dog and cat rescue centre
19:49to see if any of the inhabitants
19:52can win my affection,
19:53which will be a tall order.
19:54The last time I used the term good boy
19:57was for my late, great quadruped.
20:00Seldom, the most wonderful, dangerous dog in the world,
20:04pictured here alongside a man who walked him
20:07when I didn't want to.
20:08When a small dog dies, you move on.
20:12Get a new one.
20:13You never get over the death of a big dog.
20:17So, um...
20:18Oh, that's interesting.
20:22That's Daryl Flensher's Range Rover.
20:27Yeah.
20:28In a hotel car park next to Katrina's white one.
20:33If I, uh, if I park, uh, the blue one next to it,
20:37it looks like the, uh, French tricolour,
20:38which really, uh, it does not make Katrina happy
20:41because, uh, not that she hates the French,
20:43she just, uh, doesn't like Europe.
20:46So, um...
20:47I thought she was in London today.
20:51Oh, yeah, all right.
20:52She's a sly fox.
20:56Norwich Cats and Dogs Home
20:57says it provides a safe and welcoming environment,
21:00but then so did the home we put my mother-in-law in,
21:02and the staff there stole some of her jewellery.
21:05But it's the dogs I'm here to browse.
21:08So, what happened to your dog?
21:10Uh, he perished at a fun fair.
21:13Uh, he'd been seen, um, behind a burger van
21:15drinking beef fat,
21:16and I think his ticker just said nope.
21:19Well, I mean, we're always looking for volunteers.
21:21Well, I mean, I love dogs.
21:23Yeah?
21:23Yeah, so, yeah, so, um, well, what would it involve?
21:26Uh, so, we do greeting checks at 7am,
21:29then we clean the kennels and the common spaces,
21:3210 to 12.
21:3310 to 12.
21:34Then midday feed, adoption visits all afternoon.
21:37Got it.
21:37Then evening exercise feed, final check.
21:40Yep, yep, yep.
21:41Then at 7 we do an evening clean,
21:43and then we're out by 10pm usually.
21:45Great.
21:45Well, if I hear of anyone, I'll let you know.
21:48Um, yeah, okay.
21:49Oh, gosh, it's like, uh, it's like banged up abroad,
21:57the doggy edition, isn't it?
21:59Yeah, and all behind bars for, uh, smuggling drugs.
22:03You wouldn't, uh, you wouldn't hide drugs up your bum,
22:06would you?
22:06Unless they were worming tablets.
22:07Have you been wormed?
22:08Yeah.
22:08Oh, that's like silence of the lambs.
22:14We'd have no trouble, uh, eating my liver, would you?
22:18Or wash down with a nice bowl of water.
22:20And they can see us as well?
22:23Yeah.
22:23Yeah.
22:24Hello.
22:26Hello.
22:27Hello.
22:30Hello.
22:33Can he go on the bed if he's been a good boy?
22:35It was sad to see these animals in here.
22:38If I had my way, it's not dogs we'd lock up like this.
22:41It's people.
22:43Hello.
22:44Can I meet this dog?
22:45Uh, yeah.
22:46Great.
22:47Curly-haired brown dog.
22:48Come on.
22:49Come on.
22:50Hello.
22:51Hello.
22:51Oh, he jumped into my arms.
22:54What a smasher.
22:56Yeah, he was a little smasher, wasn't he?
22:58So, he's a great one.
23:00I'm going to call him Doogie.
23:02Oh, it's actually Sebastian.
23:03Oh, how much for Doogie?
23:05Oh, no, he's going to another family.
23:07I'll double it.
23:08No, it's not about the money.
23:10They've filled in the forms.
23:11The kids are really excited to see him.
23:12Four times.
23:14Right, OK.
23:15Just put the cameras down.
23:18Off camera, Lara was kind enough to put me in touch
23:21with the dog's new family in order to ask
23:23if I could visit the dog once a month and stroke it.
23:27While clearly not a natural redhead,
23:29Lara's attitude was professional, friendly, and caring,
23:33which is why I'm naming her as an Alan Partridge
23:35Community Champion.
23:38So, what have I learnt?
23:40That good mental health isn't about surrounding yourself
23:43with a crowd or dogs.
23:44It's about curating an effective network of key individuals.
23:49So, returning home, I was pleased to find that on my suggestion,
23:53which was mandatory,
23:54my assistants had made a bit more of an effort with my partner
23:57and they were sharing a bottle of my wine.
24:00Yeah, I've never noticed how bandy his legs are before.
24:03He couldn't trap a pig in a ginnel.
24:04What?
24:05A ginnel, it's the narrow passageway that he used to have
24:08between those old terraced houses that didn't have an inside toilet.
24:11Lynn lived in one until she was 25.
24:13He's very touchy about his legs.
24:14But I always think gentle teasing brings people together.
24:17Being able to laugh at yourself is key to good mental health.
24:20What did you do?
24:21So am I.
24:22Mind you, I give as good as I get.
24:24And moments later, I was teasing Katrina no end
24:26with funny questions about where she'd been.
24:29OK, I'll give him a call here.
24:32Did I see your Range Rover parked outside a hotel in Norwich earlier?
24:35No.
24:36Oh, OK. Sorry, I thought I did.
24:38Well, you couldn't have, because I was in London, weren't I, you'd have said.
24:40All right, cool, cool, cool.
24:41See you, sexy.
24:42Well, what if I see you first?
24:46The people in my life make me feel great,
24:49but there was one final thing I was curious about.
24:52If man did want to be on his own, could technology help?
24:57Throughout history, technology has risen to meet the challenge.
25:01When we needed to hunt spears,
25:03when we needed transport the wheel,
25:06when we needed to tame nature,
25:08man soon invented the strimmer.
25:09But now we're in need of companionship,
25:12can technology step up?
25:14It's a subject that has fascinated me for weeks.
25:17Using AI technology and advanced robotics,
25:19I believe that a cyborg unit will soon become the norm
25:22in every British household.
25:24I'd like you to meet Zuzan.
25:27Hello, Zuzan.
25:29Hello, Alan.
25:30Can I help you with anything?
25:31Not right now, thank you.
25:33Able to respond instantly to my commands,
25:35she can provide service around the household
25:37in a safe and reliable way.
25:40Let's go inside.
25:40A fascinating vision of what the future might hold.
25:46A live-in physical appliance
25:47equipped with state-of-the-art AI.
25:50It's expected that early iterations
25:52will be able to perform a variety of household tasks.
25:55I think I'll have the chicken Caesar salad,
25:57but I don't want any anchovy in it.
25:58I don't like any fish smaller than a fish finger.
26:01If that's what you like.
26:02The great thing is,
26:05Zuzan will learn that.
26:06It will be logged and filed.
26:08No more conversations like,
26:09what did I say about not liking anchovy?
26:11Or responses like,
26:12I'm sorry, but I've had a lot on my mind recently.
26:15The slight chippiness in her tone
26:16is a sort of design glitch
26:17that can be ironed out at the next software update.
26:20Time for your vitamins and stuff.
26:23Thank you, Zuzan.
26:28Okay, seven across a savoury pear.
26:31Avocado.
26:32Yeah.
26:33I'll say that.
26:34And companionship?
26:35Well, she'd be no slouch there either.
26:37With a full charge,
26:38she'd be able to simulate good company day or night.
26:41Okay, two down, seven letters.
26:43A north-westerly wind,
26:45which blows across southern France
26:47into the Mediterranean.
26:48Mr. Al.
26:48Yeah, you're answering two.
26:50Quickly, let me get some of them.
26:52Of course, eventually,
26:53each unit would recalibrate
26:55to reflect the user's preferences.
26:57But just think about that for a second.
26:58An assistant incapable of irritating you.
27:01And they can also be programmed
27:04to have the kind of conversations
27:05you actually want to have.
27:07The level of incompetence is absolutely staggering.
27:10I know.
27:10They don't know that arse from their elbow.
27:12Yeah, which begs the question,
27:13what are we actually paying our council tax for?
27:15Bloody diversity training, that's what.
27:17Ha!
27:19This is a prototype.
27:20The voice modulation isn't quite there yet.
27:22But you're absolutely right.
27:26So, dystopian nightmare
27:28or idyllic partnership between man and machine?
27:31Only time will tell.
27:33For now, though,
27:34I think I prefer the company of humans.
27:36But, Zuzan, do join us.
27:38You all right?
27:47Yes.
27:47Are you all right?
27:48Yeah.
27:50I like you.
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