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00:01Previously on Desperate Housewives, Lynette fought to save her marriage.
00:05I could see it in his eyes. Tom still loves me.
00:08Carlos decided to change careers.
00:11Baby counseling. In one week, the counselor does more good than I've done in my entire life.
00:15Good news?
00:17We're getting married.
00:19Came with bad news.
00:21In the middle of his proposal, the cops come by to ask about some dead body they found at the construction site.
00:26So, tell me more.
00:27I told them that I didn't know anything about it, and the police don't seem like they're going to pose a problem.
00:32But it became a problem for Bree.
00:34We're just making small talk waiting for a lawyer.
00:36Small talk's over.
00:37So she got the perfect lawyer.
00:39Let's go. You don't need his permission.
00:41You want to talk to her? You talk to me first.
00:49When it came to her divorce, Lynette Scavo was determined to make things go smoothly.
00:57So when Tom was late to pick up the kids, she waited patiently.
01:03When he got something in the mail, she held on to it.
01:09And when he left behind something important, she brought it to him.
01:14Yes, after years of fighting had led her nowhere, Lynette decided to take the high road.
01:21Lynette!
01:22Oh, hey, Greg.
01:24Hey, coming by to see the new offices?
01:26I bet I could get the CEO to give you a private tour.
01:29Wait a second. I am the CEO. I know I could.
01:31No, thanks. I'm just dropping something off that Tom forgot at home.
01:36Oh, wow. My ex wouldn't bring anything by for me unless it was ticking.
01:41So, how's everything going with your separation?
01:45I'm guessing you know the answer to that, having been there.
01:48It's been two years since my divorce and it still sucks.
01:50You know, it might not be my place to say it, but I think Tom's nuts for letting you go.
01:56That's very sweet.
01:58So, are you seeing anyone?
02:00That's the little nosy.
02:02Sorry, I'm just saying, if you ever wanted to have a drink and vent with somebody who gets it, I would gladly be that person.
02:07Okay. Sweet again, but I think that might be a little weird with you being Tom's boss.
02:11Yeah, I get that. I just wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't ask.
02:15But never worry if you're going to be okay, Lynette.
02:18You will. You are the exact kind of woman that most men out there are looking for.
02:26Well, thanks. I always like this picture of us.
02:29You're welcome.
02:31Oh, hey, I'm off on Friday so we can leave early for the cabin.
02:34Ah, bad news. I checked the weather up there. It looks like rain this weekend.
02:37So, I wasn't seeing us spending a lot of time outdoors.
02:43I think we have a little horizontal to catch up on.
02:48It's kind of been a while, hasn't it?
02:50Well, I guess, with the work and everything.
02:53A cabin, the rain, a bed. It's going to be a good weekend.
03:08Yes, Lynette had tried hard to take the high road in her divorce.
03:14Hey, Greg.
03:19That drink, I'd actually enjoy that.
03:22But sometimes, the low road was easier to find.
03:25Carlos Solis was used to sitting in a position of power.
03:42Whether it was behind the wheel of a powerful car,
03:46at the head of a power lunch,
03:53or at the helm of a powerful company.
03:59But now that Carlos Solis had started a new career,
04:03he suddenly found himself in a much humbler place.
04:08So, what do you think of my new office?
04:10Okay, I'll admit it's a little bit on the bare bones side.
04:16Are you kidding?
04:17All you need is some yellow tape and a noose hanging from the ceiling
04:20and you'll be ready to entertain.
04:22I like it, Daddy.
04:24Thank you, baby.
04:26Aw, that's so sweet.
04:27You're lying to spare your daddy's feelings.
04:30Seriously, honey.
04:31There's a guy down at the department store who dresses all the windows.
04:33Maybe he could spruce it up.
04:35Spruce it up?
04:37Gabby, we can barely keep the lights on here.
04:38Our budget is tiny and every cent goes towards helping addicts,
04:41finding them jobs, housing.
04:43Okay, okay, save it for the pamphlet.
04:46All I'm saying is if I was an addict,
04:48rooms like this are why I shoot up in the first place.
04:51Okay, behave, listen to your daddy.
04:54I'll see you tonight.
04:55Whoa, whoa, whoa, I can't take the girls to school.
04:57You always take them.
04:58I have to go to work early today.
05:00Well, I'm at work right now.
05:02Carlos, how much do you make an hour?
05:04Twelve dollars.
05:05I just made twelve dollars listening to you.
05:06Tell me you make twelve dollars.
05:07Gabby, come on.
05:09This job is very important to me.
05:10I'm doing very meaningful work.
05:11You should be proud of that.
05:13Well, when we can pay our mortgage and meaningful, I will be.
05:21Hey, buddy.
05:22How was school?
05:23Okay.
05:24I'm starving.
05:25Can I have some cookies?
05:27Sure.
05:29Didn't you like the turkey sandwich I made you?
05:31Not really.
05:32I tried to trade it to John Gurry for a book about worms, but he backed out because you used too much mayo.
05:39Sorry.
05:41I didn't realize the worm kid was such a gourmet.
05:45What's this?
05:47Nothing.
05:48But your school's having a soapbox derby.
05:50Yeah.
05:51Well, that sounds like so much fun.
05:52It's for dads and sons.
05:53Yes.
05:54But it doesn't say moms can't do it too.
05:55That's okay.
05:56I don't have to do it.
05:57Besides, it's in three days.
05:58Oh.
05:59That's really soon.
06:00I guess we should get started.
06:01Oh, come on.
06:02I don't want you to miss out on all the fun.
06:03Mom, you can't make a car.
06:04What makes you say that?
06:05Because you can't even make a turkey sandwich.
06:07Well, thank goodness I have the most talented part.
06:10Now, come on.
06:11We're wasting time.
06:12Let's get hammering.
06:13Let's get hammering.
06:14Let's get hammering.
06:15Let's get hammering.
06:16Seriously?
06:17You're telling me you're against the death penalty?
06:18I've just seen too many cases where the wrong person gets convicted.
06:21Not my clients, of course.
06:22I just think our society's gotten too strong.
06:23I don't want to miss out on all the fun.
06:24I don't want to miss out on all the fun.
06:25Mom, you can't make a car.
06:26What makes you say that?
06:27Because you can't even make a turkey sandwich.
06:28Well, thank goodness I have the most talented part.
06:31Now, come on.
06:32We're wasting time.
06:33Let's get hammering.
06:34Seriously?
06:35You're telling me you're against the death penalty?
06:38I've just seen too many cases where the wrong person gets convicted.
06:41Not my clients, of course.
06:44I just think our society's gotten too soft.
06:47We need a powerful deterrent to stop these killers.
06:50You do realize you're not on trial for a parking ticket, right?
06:54Kidding.
06:55Just trying to lighten the mood.
06:58Tomorrow's gonna be fine.
06:59It's just a pre-trial hearing.
07:01Yes, which brings me one step closer to the real thing.
07:04So what exactly will we be doing at this hearing?
07:07You will sit there and look classy and innocent.
07:11I will try to get as much of their case tossed as I can.
07:14And your success rate at this sort of thing is?
07:17Impressive.
07:19I once defended a woman who ran a brothel.
07:22At the pre-trial, I got the whole thing reduced to operating a business without a fire door.
07:28That's terrible.
07:29What?
07:30What, me being a great lawyer?
07:31No, defending a prostitute.
07:33Call me old-fashioned, but I find that line of work rather distasteful.
07:37So if she ran a cigarette company or manufactured handguns, she's A-OK.
07:42But selling men a little ring-a-ding makes her a pariah.
07:45Okay, first of all, ring-a-ding?
07:47Mm-hmm.
07:48Second, sex isn't a commodity.
07:50It's sacred.
07:51Yeah, I'll say.
07:52And for this woman, sacred costs 400 bucks a pop.
07:55Can we please stop talking about it?
07:57It's tawdry.
07:58And that little crack about manufacturing handguns?
08:00I hope that doesn't mean you're anti-gun.
08:03I've sued the NRA three times.
08:05It is my dream to one day take those sons of bitches down.
08:09Well, when it comes to my guns, you're gonna have to pry them out of my cold, dead hands.
08:13Guns?
08:15Plural?
08:16Mm-hmm.
08:17What, is that so you can coordinate your firearms with your shoes?
08:21You and I are never gonna agree on anything, are we?
08:24This salad kinda sucks.
08:27I agree.
08:28Not with the language, but with the observation.
08:35I have never met anyone who can pull off a cape like you, Mrs. Duncan.
08:38And this is our last one, so I'm not letting you leave here without it.
08:45Uh-oh.
08:46Another stray from the land of elastic waistbands.
08:49Avert your eyes, I'll get rid of her.
08:52Hello, dear.
08:53You must have taken a wrong turn.
08:55Sensible shoes are one floor down.
08:56No, actually, I'm looking for a personal shopper.
08:59I need help.
09:01Okay.
09:02Um.
09:09You're welcome.
09:10Oh.
09:12Oh, champagne.
09:13Oh, no, no, no.
09:14This is just for high-end customers.
09:16And me.
09:17My husband's an alcoholic, so I can only drink at work.
09:20I'm looking to freshen up my wardrobe.
09:23I haven't bought new clothes in quite some time.
09:27I understand.
09:28Fixed income?
09:29No.
09:30My rich husband was a stingy son of a bitch.
09:33And now he's toes up.
09:35I am ready to spend.
09:38Who was your husband?
09:39William Hammond.
09:40As in the Hammond Theatre?
09:41Mm-hmm.
09:42And the Hammond Hospital?
09:43Yep.
09:44And the Hammond Library?
09:45So you've heard of him.
09:46Are you kidding?
09:47I've been to shows in that theatre.
09:49I've given birth in that hospital.
09:51And I went into that library once for directions.
09:53Oh.
09:54Well, sit down while I pull you some clothes.
09:56There you go.
09:57There you go.
09:58Oh, thank you.
09:59Oh, honey.
10:00Look at that cape.
10:03That looks interesting.
10:06Give me that.
10:07You look like Batman.
10:14And for the reception, I was thinking of a jazz band.
10:18Wouldn't that be cool?
10:19Yeah, I like jazz.
10:21But if you're interested in a little traditional Australian music,
10:25I know this guy plays a badass didgeridoo.
10:29Jazz it is.
10:31Okay.
10:32We've done enough.
10:33Let me clean this up,
10:34and then we can go upstairs for a preview of our wedding night.
10:39Oh, now you're talking.
10:40I'll grab some wine.
10:42I know this might surprise you,
10:43but I actually have a few moves saved up for my first night as Mrs. Ben Faulkner.
10:50It's not that I don't believe it.
10:51I just can't imagine what's left.
10:55Oh, yeah, that's just some business stuff that I need to take...
10:58No, it's a subpoena.
11:01You're on the witness list for Bree's trial?
11:04Why?
11:05Beats me.
11:06I think they made a mistake.
11:09Kind of a coincidence, though.
11:11The cops questioning you about that body they found on site,
11:14and then Bree getting arrested for killing the guy?
11:18Ben, don't lie to me.
11:22I can handle anything you tell me, just as long as it's the truth.
11:27Um...
11:29Listen, Renate, let's just drop this, okay?
11:31No!
11:32I'm about to become your wife.
11:34You want to keep a secret about touching another boy's didgeridoo at summer camp?
11:38Fine.
11:39But not about a murder.
11:44Holy crap.
11:46I'm right.
11:48Tell me what's going on, or I'm walking out of this house.
11:51You're gonna need to let me think about it.
11:53I don't believe this.
11:58My, uh...
11:59My first husband kept secrets from me.
12:01And it ended our marriage.
12:04I'm not going down this road again.
12:16Gabby, why is there an old lady sitting at our dining room table?
12:19Do you have any idea who that is?
12:21I think my generic reference to her as old lady kind of says I don't.
12:25She's Doris Hammond.
12:26As in Hammond Investments.
12:28Ring any bells?
12:29Bill Hammond's widow.
12:31Guy made a killing in private equity.
12:32Why is she here?
12:34She's my best customer down at Cumberly's.
12:36I think mostly because she sees me as her friend.
12:39So you thought you'd exploit that.
12:41Invite a lonely widow to dinner, pretend she's your friend, just to make money off of her.
12:46Exactly.
12:47Gabby, can't I just take my plate upstairs? I'm exhausted.
12:49You're exhausted.
12:50I had to watch a 20 minute iPhone video of her cat taking a nap in a laundry basket just to sell her a coat.
12:55Now get out there.
12:56Lose your top button and look pretty.
13:01Doris, I can't get over how lovely that jacket looks on you.
13:06Isn't it lovely, Carlos?
13:07Yeah, it's great.
13:11Oh, I almost had a heart attack when I saw the price.
13:15I guess I just have to get comfortable with the idea of spending money.
13:19That's right. And tomorrow when the new fog line comes in, we're going to get you real comfortable.
13:22So, Carlos, what is it you do?
13:26I work for a non-profit that helps recovering addicts.
13:31Oh, I'm sorry. Was Carlos talking about his charity?
13:37Good thing we weren't operating heavy machinery, huh Doris?
13:41You'll have to excuse my wife. Not the biggest fan of what I do.
13:45Oh, that's silly. Philanthropy is very important. My bill gave generously to many worthy causes.
13:52Okay, we're going to keep talking about charity. I'll make coffee. We're going to need it.
14:06Boy, Bill left quite a legacy. Have you ever thought about carrying that on?
14:11Oh, I'd love to, but I wouldn't know where to begin.
14:16Maybe I could help.
14:17So my ex's lawyer says, we believe it's fair for Mr. Lyman to pay an additional one million dollars.
14:25And I said, and this is how my mouth always gets me in trouble.
14:29So that comes out to what? About a dollar a pound?
14:33Oh, man. And the judge?
14:37Not abused. Which is why I wound up paying an additional two million.
14:41Tom and I are going to try to do this without lawyers.
14:45Huh.
14:47What does that mean, huh? We've known each other 25 years. We have kids together.
14:51And that's great. It's all great. But there is another person involved.
14:55Jane.
14:57And trust me, she is going to be in his ear the whole time about the settlement.
15:01By the way, I do not get the attraction there.
15:04Well, let's save that topic for another night. We could do hours on that one.
15:08Another night? So this is going pretty good.
15:10Yeah, it's been great.
15:11Well, okay. We should do it again. How about Saturday night?
15:17This Saturday is bad. Tom needs me to switch weekends because he's going away with Jane.
15:23Well, it would be kind of a shame if some last-minute stuff came up at work and he wasn't able to go.
15:32I guess that would mean he wouldn't have to switch weekends and that would free you up for Saturday.
15:37Did I get that calculus right?
15:39Are you saying in order to get a date with me, you'd mess with Tom?
15:45Don't think of it so much as messing with Tom. Think of it more as messing with...
15:49Jane.
15:51Oh, my God. It's staying together.
15:57How long is this race?
15:58Three minutes.
15:59Three minutes? This could totally stay together for three minutes.
16:02Can I go now?
16:04Oh, I was going to have you help me put on the wheels.
16:07No, thanks. Juanita found a dead squirrel, so I kind of want to check it out.
16:13Well, of course. Got to see the dead squirrel.
16:17Only touch it with a stick. No fingers.
16:21I'm blown off for a dead squirrel.
16:24Boy, does that bring back memories.
16:26New hobby?
16:28Oh, MJ and I are building this soapbox thingy car for the school's big race.
16:34You should get Tom to help. He did it with all our boys. That's how they learned to swear.
16:38Oh, that's okay. I'll figure it out.
16:41I am telling you, he loves this stuff. I'm going to give him a call.
16:44Oh, thanks, but I really think it's better if I do it myself.
16:48But Tom can just...
16:50Tom is not going to be around all the time.
16:56I'm sorry. I mean, you know what I mean.
16:58I do.
17:00Since Tom and I split, I know how hard it is to be both mom and dad.
17:04But I also know it's okay to ask for help.
17:07No, I can do this. I have to.
17:11And you know what? I think it's going to turn out great.
17:14Do you always move your lips when you read?
17:28Do you always comment on everything that bugs you about me?
17:31I haven't said a word about your tie.
17:33Okay, we're here for discovery, compliance, and trial setting.
17:38Ms. Stone, Mr. Weston, you've exchanged witness lists?
17:40The people have no objection to Mr. Weston's list.
17:44Mr. Weston, any objections?
17:46That depends. Who are the gentlemen from number 16 to 28?
17:51I've never heard these names before.
17:53Your client has. They're men she met at a bar, brought home, and had sex with.
17:59This is ridiculous.
18:01Your Honor, the defense will argue that there's no suggestion of a relationship between Ms. Vandekamp and Mr. Sanchez.
18:07That she never even met him.
18:09Because she hadn't.
18:10Some of these men will testify that she was so intoxicated during their time together that she didn't remember anything about the liaison.
18:18Suggesting that she could have slept with Mr. Sanchez.
18:22So under Ms. Stone's forgetful slut theory, you can connect my client to any man in Fairview?
18:29Well, not every man in Fairview ended up with the defendant's fingerprint on his shirt. But Mr. Sanchez did.
18:36Your Honor, the idea that my client would conduct herself in that manner is absurd.
18:43She is a paragon of virtue in the community. A champion of conservative values.
18:55Sure recess, Your Honor?
18:58Brie.
19:00Brie, is this true? Did you sleep with Ramon Sanchez?
19:03No.
19:07But the other men?
19:10How the hell could you not tell me this?
19:14Okay, alright, okay, this...
19:17This is okay as long as we can stay in front of it.
19:20Um, I need to know exactly who you slept with and when.
19:25Are you kidding me?
19:27No.
19:29Brie, if I'm going to defend you, I need to know the truth.
19:31I'm sorry, but I can't talk about this with you.
19:43Gabby?
19:45Doris, you won't believe what just got off the plane.
19:48The most beautifully embroidered Chinese silk.
19:51And if you listen to it carefully, you can hear little children asking,
19:54When's dinner?
19:56I'm going to have to stop you right there.
19:58Okay, a little insensitive, my bad.
19:59No, I've had a change of heart, and I can't buy anything more from you.
20:04In fact, I need to return these.
20:07What? You can't. I work on commission.
20:09I mean, you love these clothes.
20:11Did you know that one of these scarves could buy a month of vocational training for a homeless addict?
20:18No, but that sounds awfully familiar.
20:21It was in the pamphlet that Carlos slipped me last night.
20:23He did what now?
20:25And we talked on the phone this morning, and he reminded me of what my husband used to say.
20:30That those that do well must also do good.
20:34Mm-hmm. That sounds like Carlos.
20:36He's a very special guy.
20:39Hold on to him.
20:41Mm-hmm.
20:43Well, now that you mention it, I can't wait to get my hands on him.
20:46Do you have any idea how much commission I stood to make from this lady?
20:49Gabby.
20:50Doris was my golden goose.
20:51I was fattening her up, and then you went and stole all her eggs.
20:55And I don't know where this metaphor is going, but I am mad at you, mister.
20:58Gabby.
21:00No, stop gabbing me. I will not be gabby'd.
21:02Look, where Doris puts her money is her decision.
21:05Tomorrow morning, 9 o'clock, she's putting it here.
21:07Okay. You don't have to be so smug just because you're doing charity.
21:13No quotation marks. I'm actually doing charity.
21:17Helping people get their lives together.
21:18And I'm helping people put their wardrobes together. Potato, potato.
21:22I gotta run to a meeting.
21:24Now we're in the middle of an argument.
21:25Yeah, but it's no fun to argue when only one side is morally defensible.
21:29But you know what is fun? A little victory dance.
21:32Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
21:37Okay, it took me all night, and I scraped off two of my knuckles,
21:47and I drank so much green tea that one of my eyes won't stop twitching.
21:51But it's finished.
22:02Okay, before you say anything, I designed the flame decals myself,
22:04so if you don't like them, they're totally removable.
22:07But personally, I like them. I think they're awesome.
22:10And there's a basket on the back for sundries or snacks or thumbtacks to throw under the competition's tires.
22:17But why would you need to cheat with a car like this, right?
22:22Are you gonna say something?
22:24Oh, I get it. You hate the basket.
22:26Guess what? Basket gone.
22:28Oh, come on. I've been doing this for two days straight. You gotta give me something.
22:35I love it.
22:38You do?
22:40I mean, of course you do.
22:43But seriously, if you have any thoughts or tweaks, tell me.
22:47Because we still have a day before the race.
22:48No, no. It's perfect.
22:50Oh, I'm so relieved. You want to take it for a spin?
22:54Yeah, but I'm kind of thirsty. Can you get me something to drink?
22:58Of course. Two frosty, non-caffeinated root beers. Coming right up.
23:02Coming right up.
23:17Oh, my God! What did you do?
23:21I didn't see it coming. I'm so sorry.
23:23No, not you. My son. You can go.
23:26Oh.
23:29MJ, did you wreck the car on purpose?
23:33No. It just rolled down the driveway.
23:38It's a flat driveway.
23:42Okay, I did it.
23:46Why?
23:48I hate that car.
23:50Well, then we'll change it. We'll make it whatever you want to.
23:53I don't want to do it. I don't want to be the weirdo.
23:56Honey, did someone call you a weirdo?
24:00They don't have to.
24:02They're always staring at me and treating me different.
24:04Because I don't have a dad.
24:06Oh, honey.
24:08And if I go to the father-son derby, and I'm the only kid with his mom,
24:12it's going to be even worse.
24:14I'm so sorry. I had no idea.
24:17What can I do to make it better?
24:19Nothing. I just want dad.
24:24I don't know how much I can do it.
24:32Hey!
24:34Hey! How was soccer?
24:36Awesome. I think we are going to kick San Morino's ass on Saturday.
24:40Nice. You want me to make you something to eat?
24:42Thanks. I'm going to get changed.
24:44Hey. It's cute how her generation thinks that sport is interesting.
24:47Sport is interesting.
24:49Oh, and I will bring her to the game Saturday.
24:51Looks like we won't need to switch weekends.
24:55I thought you and Jane were going away.
24:57I can't. I gotta work.
24:59Greg wants me to rework the strategic plan the international guys did, so...
25:03Huh. Well, that sucks.
25:05Never liked that guy.
25:07Then why'd you go out with him?
25:11You said you guys had drinks the other night?
25:13It was nothing.
25:15We just, you know, hung out for a bit.
25:19You do realize that that could be awkward for me.
25:24Huh. That's weird.
25:26What?
25:28I have a isn't-that-ironic app that usually buzzes when people say stuff like that.
25:32I'm serious, Linda. That's where I work.
25:36It was just drinks with a guy I know who happens to be your boss.
25:40I promise not to do anything embarrassing like kiss him in the office.
25:45Okay.
25:50You know, you want to see Greg?
25:51It's fine with me.
25:58Hey.
25:59Hmm?
26:00How about if instead of eating this sandwich, I just wanted to eat chocolate?
26:04Hey, how about-no.
26:06But what if I told you something about Dad and Jane that would make you very happy?
26:13Then could I?
26:15Why, you little finagler.
26:18How do I know your information is even worth the fine Belgian chocolates that I have hidden in the pantry?
26:23Oh, it is?
26:24No.
26:25It would be wrong to teach you that this kind of blackmail works.
26:29Besides, I can see you're just bursting to tell me anyway.
26:33When Dad told Jane he had to work this weekend, she kind of lost it.
26:37Really?
26:39The chocolate that I am in no way trading for this information has almonds in it.
26:43She was all, we never have time together, and you still haven't filed the divorce papers.
26:49Is that true?
26:50He hasn't?
26:51The envelope is still sitting on a shelf in the kitchen.
26:56Put the sandwich down, or you won't have any room left for chocolate.
26:59Ah, well look who strolled in from the outback.
27:10Where the hell have you been?
27:12Sorry, I really needed to sort through some stuff.
27:16Stuff?
27:17You mean what hors d'oeuvres we'll be serving at the wedding, or are you referring to the dead body?
27:25Hey, if you plan on staying, you better start talking.
27:29I am impossibly in love with you, Renee.
27:34And there's nothing I want more than to come clean.
27:38But if I tell you what's going on, you could get dragged into this.
27:41And then you're at risk too.
27:48You have to trust me.
27:50When your ex kept secrets to hurt you, I'm keeping them to protect you.
27:59Okay.
28:01Really?
28:02That was easy.
28:04Well, while you were on your walkabout, I remembered something.
28:11Spousal privilege.
28:13Which is?
28:15It's a crazy law we have here.
28:17You don't have to testify against your husband.
28:20So here's what's going to happen.
28:22We say I do.
28:23We walk back up the aisle.
28:25The second we're outside that church, you tell me everything.
28:29And if I don't?
28:30Well, then I guess you won't be seeing those wedding night moves I told you about.
28:36And trust me.
28:37My secret is way better than yours.
28:49Ah, so you are alive.
28:51You're just not answering your phone.
28:53I'm sorry.
28:54I just can't imagine what you must think of me after hearing all that.
28:58Brie, listen.
29:05I don't judge people.
29:06I defend them.
29:08And if I'm going to defend you, I need to know everything.
29:12Sexual history from your first husband down to the last guy on the DA's witness list.
29:17How about I go in the kitchen and say it and you just listen from out here?
29:22No dice.
29:23I need you to say it to my face.
29:25Why?
29:26Because you're going to be sitting at the defendant's table while one guy after another
29:30takes the stand and goes into as much graphic detail as the prosecutor wants him to.
29:36And the whole time, the jury is going to be looking at your face.
29:39Oh, dear God.
29:41And if the look on your face is guilt, they're going to think you're guilty.
29:47So I need you to own this part of your life.
29:50And that starts with you telling me everything.
29:55Okay.
30:00I hoped it wouldn't come to this, but maybe it would be helpful if I told you my sexual secrets first.
30:05No.
30:06It most certainly would not be helpful.
30:08Besides, men aren't embarrassed to brag about their conquests.
30:12I'm going to start talking now.
30:14First time I had sex, I was 24.
30:20I was in law school.
30:21She was a classmate.
30:23And rather experienced.
30:25It didn't go very well.
30:26Or for that matter, last very long.
30:29Yeah.
30:30Yeah.
30:31It's hilarious.
30:32In fact, every Christmas I get a card from her that says, still laughing.
30:36So you had an awkward first experience.
30:39Who didn't?
30:41You want worse?
30:42I can do worse.
30:46Okay.
30:47I don't know how to say this.
30:49Because, um, I am quite oversized down there.
30:57Since when is a man being well endowed considered humiliating?
31:01I'm talking about my prostate.
31:03My enlarged prostate.
31:06Best part?
31:07Your doctor tells you it only happens to older men.
31:10That's the reason you have to pee 30 times a day.
31:13So, now you know, I'm pushing 50, borderline incontinent, and women are scared of my junk.
31:21Is that humiliating enough for you?
31:24Yes, I think it is.
31:25Glad to hear it.
31:28Oh.
31:29I have to tell you now, don't I?
31:36Oh.
31:37Hmm.
31:40So, the kicker to the story is, the new international plan that Tom came up with is pretty awesome.
32:06He may not have good taste in women, but he is damn smart about finance.
32:11Tom is really smart.
32:13In that one area.
32:16Poor Jane.
32:18You're really enjoying this, aren't you?
32:20Um, a little tiny bit.
32:22You should.
32:22I wish I had a way of getting back at Crystal when we were breaking up.
32:25Must feel good.
32:27Jane was pretty pissed, huh?
32:29Ugh, apparently.
32:30So, even though that makes me a terrible person, thank you for that.
32:33Anytime.
32:34I mean that.
32:37Anytime.
32:39So, if I asked you to have Tom work a few nights this week, you'd do it?
32:44If I can help you piss off your ex and spend more time with you, I see no downside in that.
32:49You just say the word.
32:51Really?
32:52Late nights, weekends.
32:53Maybe even a few out-of-town trips.
32:55You tell me what you want.
32:58I'll make it happen.
33:00Oh, I like the sound of that.
33:03Must be why women fall for powerful men.
33:05And then, the prosecutor suggested I was probably so drunk that I forgot the whole thing.
33:15Hang on.
33:16Didn't your hotshot lawyer get all up in her face with the objections and the sidebars and the, you can't handle the truth?
33:21The trip was amazing, but she still said it was admissible.
33:24My entire sordid past is admissible.
33:27So, just because you slept with a few guys means you slept with Alejandro?
33:30More than a few.
33:33Sorry.
33:34Carry on.
33:36You know what the worst thing was?
33:38The look on Tripp's face.
33:40He was so disappointed in me.
33:42Wait, that was the worst thing?
33:44Worse than the whole sharing a cell for 20 years with a big gal named Vern thing?
33:49Well, I'm not going to prison.
33:51I mean, Tripp says we're going to win, and I believe in him.
33:54I just thank God that even after all of this, he still believes in me.
34:00Okay, I'm going to say it.
34:03Bree, you have a crush on your lawyer.
34:06Don't be ridiculous.
34:07You do sound a teensy bit smitten.
34:10I am not smitten.
34:12I happen to admire his legal skills and...
34:15His dreamy blue eyes.
34:16They're not blue.
34:17They're green, flecked with hints of brown.
34:24Okay, maybe I find him attractive, but do you really think I would put myself at risk by dating my own attorney?
34:30Well, I don't know.
34:30You put us all at risk when you dated Chuck.
34:34Look, having a crush is nothing to be ashamed of.
34:37He's rescuing you, and it's in our DNA to fall for guys who rescue us.
34:43But in this case, it's just not safe for you to act on it.
34:46I guess you're right.
34:48You're on trial for murder, Bree.
34:50You've got to keep a clear head.
34:53And so does he.
34:53Doris, I just want you to know how grateful we are.
34:59Your donation is going to help so many recovering addicts get back on their feet.
35:03Stop.
35:04I should be thanking you for letting me be a part of all this.
35:08And please forgive the appearance of my office.
35:10Every penny that we get goes directly to those in need.
35:13So there's not a lot left over for...
35:17nice...
35:18things.
35:19Those in need, huh?
35:26This is not my stuff.
35:27I had a simple wooden desk at an old coffee table.
35:30Oh.
35:32And a baby grand.
35:35Well, that must come in handy while you were all singing kumbaya during your clean needle exchange.
35:41Doris, please.
35:42This is not what we're about here.
35:44Find yourself another old lady to fleece.
35:47Honey, I need to show you something in the garage.
35:57Did you fix the car?
35:58No.
35:59Wanting to use the wood to build a coffin for the squirrel.
36:02But I do have a little surprise for you.
36:09Oh, hey.
36:12Perfect timing, MJ.
36:13We could really use another pair of hands.
36:15What are they doing here?
36:17Well, I know I told you that I could do this myself.
36:19But I got to thinking that every race car driver has a pit crew.
36:24And this is yours.
36:25We're here to help you.
36:27And not just about car stuff.
36:29You know, anytime you need something, give us a call.
36:33So what do you think of this design?
36:34Right?
36:35It kind of looks like a Corvette.
36:37Kind of?
36:38It's an exact rendering.
36:39Look at the shading on the wheel, Will.
36:41Calm down.
36:42And you traced it out of a magazine.
36:44Can you guys really build this?
36:46Well, not without your help.
36:51So what do you think about color?
36:52Red or blue?
36:54Mom, what do you think?
36:56I think, uh, this is kind of a guy thing.
37:01And I should let you guys get to work.
37:04My dad loved Corvettes.
37:05We know.
37:07He always said if he ever won the lottery,
37:08first thing he'd do is buy a Corvette Stingray convertible.
37:12Hey!
37:20Hey!
37:21What's going on in?
37:23Whoa!
37:24You look like a million bucks.
37:25And trust me, I know what a million bucks looks like.
37:28What a lovely compliment.
37:30For one of us.
37:31So, uh, Gallo is the best restaurant in town.
37:35And after tonight, you will know why.
37:37Well, can't wait.
37:41Let's go.
37:42But first, I have a gift for you.
37:46Uh-huh.
37:49A nail.
37:50How thoughtful.
37:52And imaginary.
37:54A nail in the coffin of Tom's happiness.
37:57The end of Tom and Jane.
38:00Completely baffled.
38:01Every time this week I told him I needed him late,
38:03Tom would go in his office,
38:04and I'd hear him on the phone in a big fight with Jane.
38:08You shouldn't be telling me this.
38:10But, yay!
38:14So, how do you think the persnickety Miss Carlson will handle the news of Tom's transfer?
38:18His what?
38:19The international plan needs a point, man.
38:22So, I'm sending Tom to Mumbai for a year.
38:28Mumbai like India Mumbai?
38:31Which means you and I will have fair view all to ourselves.
38:38We got to go.
38:43Let me.
38:44Carl.
38:45Huh?
38:45I can't believe you did that to my office.
38:53I had a butler lined up, but he booked a commercial at the last minute.
38:57So, I guess I'll call Doris now and make an appointment for shopping tomorrow.
39:00I don't think she'll be answering either of our calls.
39:03She thinks we're both nuts.
39:04So, thanks a lot, Gabby.
39:06You started it.
39:07You're the one who stole it from me in the first place.
39:09Yeah.
39:09For something that matters.
39:11Oh, enough with the Carlos of Nazareth Act.
39:13This wasn't about helping people.
39:15This was about you smelling money and going after it.
39:18The money was for the center.
39:20Those people need it.
39:21The center?
39:22Please.
39:23You were doing it to win.
39:24And you know why?
39:25Because you're a shark, Carlos.
39:27Carlos, you always have been and you always will be.
39:30It's your nature.
39:38Honey, it's okay.
39:40I am too.
39:42That's why we're good together.
39:45Look, I may not like that you stole Doris for me,
39:48but I do like that you're the type of guy who can.
39:52It's sexy.
39:53But that's not who I want to be anymore.
39:58Well, who do you want to be?
40:02Somebody different.
40:04Well, I hate to tell you this, babe,
40:06but the best you can hope to be is just a different kind of shark.
40:08Yes, it isn't easy giving up power.
40:20Admitting that we might need help from friends and neighbors.
40:25Deciding that a loved one might know what's best for us.
40:35Giving up our better judgment for a slightly darker agenda.
40:41But for some, the hardest kind of power to give up
40:48is the power to control their own desires.
40:53Hello.
40:56You wanted to see me?
40:58Did you have some new thoughts on the case?
41:01Lots, but why don't we discuss them over dinner?
41:04Dinner?
41:05Can't we talk here?
41:07I've been cooped up all day,
41:09and I know this great little Italian place.
41:11I don't think that's a good idea.
41:12Come on.
41:13I'm a much better lawyer after a plate of spaghetti carbonara.
41:16So?
41:19What do you say?
41:22I say...
41:25Let's do it.
41:46Let's do it.
42:06Let's do it.
42:07Let's do it.
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