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How Are You? It's Alan (Partridge) - Season 1 Episode 2
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00:00Alan Partridge
00:30Alan Partridge
01:00Alan Partridge
01:29Alan Partridge
01:59Alan Partridge
02:29Alan Partridge
02:59Alan Partridge
03:29Alan Partridge
03:59Alan Partridge
04:30So what does the data say?
04:32In a fascinating study by Pairtree Analytics, when asked if they found it hard to talk about their problems, 75% said they did, 12% said they didn't know, which is a pointless answer.
04:43And Norfolk is more affected than most, with farmers feeling the least able to open up, but then who wants to spend an afternoon talking to a farmer?
04:52And yet the truth is, and yet the truth is, and yet the truth is, and yet the truth is, and yet the view among psychologists is that only if we learn to talk can we address the mental health problems that dog us.
05:01To learn more, I've learned to learn more, I've learned how to learn to learn more, that many more, that's a good idea that we're over, but I've been given a special dispensation because I'm both a proud patron and the voice of the visitor's audio guide.
05:13A far cry from modern churches, which look more like shoe shops or spaceships.
05:17One of several local attractions to feature my voice.
05:20Get out of the way.
05:21Including a fleet of grocery vans and the lift at Norwich Library.
05:25Second floor.
05:26Which went less well due to milkshake repeating on me in the booth.
05:29Fourth floor.
05:30But I'm not here to educate sightseers.
05:33I've come to learn about the language of mental health.
05:36And in Dr. Marion Boyle, I'll be talking to an actual expert,
05:40rather than just a confident person with a podcast.
05:43Dr. Marion.
05:45Thanks so much, Van.
05:46Shush!
05:47You're glaring at me, but I'm not being rude, because that's the name of your new book, isn't it?
05:51That's right.
05:51It's called Shush, Finding Placid Amid the Noise and the Haste.
05:55And it's really just an exploration into our mental health and our well-being.
06:00Yes, because mental health can mean different things to different people, can't it?
06:03From anxiety disorders right through to dissociative conditions such as paranoid schizophrenia.
06:08Well, that's a very good way of putting it.
06:10I've got it off the internet.
06:10We should be looking after our minds in the same way that we look after our bodies.
06:15If you have indigestion, you can pop a Rennie.
06:18But when it comes to this, you can't just go to the bathroom cabinet,
06:22take out some mental cream and rub it on your head.
06:25Well, no, of course.
06:25But what we do have is antidepressants.
06:28Oh, yeah, I've forgotten about those.
06:29Are they any good?
06:30Well, they can be.
06:31But of course, you do make a very good point.
06:32Cheers.
06:33Which is that up until recently, some of the language surrounding mental health and well-being
06:38hasn't always been very helpful.
06:40What were once medical terms are now words you would only ever use to a learner driver.
06:45Imbecile.
06:45Lunatic.
06:46And up until very recently, we used to use the word idiot as a clinical term.
06:51I mean, it's horrific to think that a GP could have called you into his surgery, sat you down
06:56and said, the results have come back.
06:58They're not what we would have hoped.
07:00There's no easy way of putting this.
07:02But I'm sorry to have to tell you, you're an idiot.
07:04Of course, and that's why the terminology is so, so important.
07:08OCD, ADHD, bipolar, and it is just to get rid of that stigma, if you like.
07:14Absolutely, and not before time.
07:15Time was when OCD would be house-proud or fussy.
07:19ADHD would have been ants in the pants.
07:22Bipolar disorder would have been moody.
07:25When my assistant has her panic attacks, I think most people would say she's flapping or in the tis.
07:32Do you mind me saying that you don't blink?
07:35It had been a useful meeting with the doctor, even though I later found out her book was self-published
07:40and she'd got her degree from the University of Central Lancashire.
07:45How are you?
07:49So that's the theory.
07:51But does talking really help us surmount problems?
07:54Time to put it to the test in a familiar high-stress situation.
07:58What you're about to watch is a controlled experiment.
08:01I'm with my assistant.
08:02She's an unskilled worker in her early 70s in the middle to low-income bracket.
08:07She's of sound mind, in good health, and not under the influence of any prescription medication,
08:12apart from something for IBS and cod liver oil as a rearguard action against arthritis.
08:18But nothing for anxiety.
08:20We both agreed we wouldn't want to compromise her concentration.
08:22Relax your jaw.
08:27My assistant, whose driving style is best described as flustered hesitancy,
08:32will be taking the short drive into Norwich twice.
08:34Down into second.
08:35The first with me talking about the flaws in her driving, the second in silence.
08:38Don't clench your teeth.
08:39Which will prove fastest?
08:46Easy, easy, tiger.
08:49Yeah, that wasn't bad, was it?
08:51You're a little too heavy on the throttle, a little too heavy on the brake.
08:55You do suffer from pedal panic.
08:58That's the thing.
08:59Remember, it's a three-pedal dance.
09:01Be in harmony with the car.
09:02The Japanese have a word for it, but I can't remember what it is.
09:06You can pop her into third, if you want.
09:09I was just doing that.
09:11You're panicking, Lynn.
09:13Breathe.
09:14You're allowed to breathe.
09:17Wrong lane.
09:18Sometimes I feel like I'm a driving examiner, you know.
09:22When I want you to do an emergency stop, I will tap the dash.
09:24Wait!
09:25What the f*** are you doing?
09:27After a frank exchange of views and a muttered apology,
09:30we continued the drive and reached Norwich.
09:36This time, rather than expressing myself,
09:38I'll be keeping silent and comparing the difference.
09:42And while the atmosphere was markedly more frosty,
09:45what would it mean for her time?
09:48Oh, that's interesting.
09:49The drive had been quicker than when I'd been providing guidance,
09:52but that may have been just her trying to make a point,
09:54which sadly voids the experiment.
09:56What the f*** is she doing?
10:01How are you?
10:06In 2023, I sunk a large portion of my savings
10:10into a start-up that generates AI video.
10:15Yet prompted to show Alan Partridge in a yurt with Carol Vorderman,
10:19or Alan Partridge flies a jetpack over Norfolk,
10:22the results are incredibly poor.
10:24The company whose software struggles to animate movement
10:27and is unable to do hands
10:29was named one to watch in the business pages of the Norwich Gazette.
10:34But AI is a useful metaphor for what each of us do in our own lives,
10:38artificially generating different versions of ourselves
10:41to pass off as the real thing.
10:42There's Business Alan, Tough Alan, Sexy Alan, Grandad Alan,
10:46Beefy Alan, Beefy Alan, Cool Alan, Top Gun Alan,
10:49Jet Set Alan, Cardigan Alan, Chef Alan,
10:50Judo Alan, Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan
10:55And there are more Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan Alan
11:25So how do we do it?
11:27For taciturn, emotionally stunted people, e.g. from Eton or Scotland,
11:32speaking about your emotions can be a daunting experience.
11:36One useful exercise is to talk about something else,
11:40be it cookery or soccer or the Second World War.
11:43After time, you'll develop a muscle memory for chat,
11:46at which point you can jump off and tell people why you're so fed up.
11:50One man I know went from speaking about cathedrals
11:53to his erectile dysfunction in about four minutes,
11:56and that's the quickest I've seen it done.
11:58To try this idea out, I'm heading to a book group,
12:01although I've arrived slightly late,
12:03because the woman now showing me in gave me the wrong postcode.
12:06Hello, everyone.
12:08While men enjoy reading books, women enjoy talking about them.
12:12It's a sociable and collegiate way to boost their well-being
12:15while finding out if they like the book they've just read.
12:18This week, Small Things Like These by Claire Keegan,
12:21no relation to Kevin, which I skim-read in the car.
12:24She wrong-foots you, though, doesn't she?
12:26Like, showing the brutality of the Magdalene laundries
12:30through the eyes of a man.
12:32I thought, hmm, I'm not sure about that.
12:35Bit of a bold choice.
12:36Barbara's bold.
12:37I did think there was a sweetness to it, though.
12:40The Christmas bit where they're decorating the-
12:42Tree.
12:43No, it's the cake.
12:44It is the cake.
12:45I just wanted to reach into the book and hug high.
12:48They're like Bridget Jones, but turbocharged.
12:52Yeah, probably what you meant to say is Bridget Jones,
12:55but supercharged rather than turbocharged,
12:58because that way you eliminate the turbo lag.
13:01But I absolutely get the gist of what you ladies are trying to say.
13:04I know you're not a lady.
13:05You understood what I meant, didn't you?
13:07Yeah, turbo lag.
13:08Turbo lag, precisely, yeah.
13:10To my surprise, I found talking about books immensely enjoyable
13:14and I soon found myself fully engaged,
13:16despite the fact that it had been a long day.
13:18I thought it was more of a novella than a novel,
13:20but all the same, I didn't feel shortchanged by the story.
13:23Pardon me?
13:24You're absolutely right there, Susan.
13:26I would agree.
13:27I felt it was-
13:28While these bookworms might look like they're just discussing novels,
13:31but a regular attendee will see a different dynamic at play,
13:34one in which Cynthia gets to flex the grey matter,
13:38which lies dormant when she's around her estate agent husband,
13:41and Susan gets to forget all about her drink-drive conviction,
13:44in which a police horse died.
13:46And, yeah, she's doing fine.
13:51What do you do in a woman's book group?
13:53I'll just have a little read this.
13:55It's a great book.
13:56You read it?
13:57Yeah.
13:58It's good.
13:59It's a good book.
14:00You?
14:02Um...
14:05Yeah.
14:08So what are we gonna read next week, do you think, guys?
14:10Do you have any suggestions?
14:12Yes.
14:13Ice Station Zebra by Alastair MacLean.
14:15It's about a Russian submarine with nuclear warheads,
14:19hidden beneath the polar ice caps,
14:21and you'd think, that's crazy.
14:23But it was later discovered that there was a Soviet submarine
14:27hidden beneath the polar ice caps with nuclear warheads.
14:31And so you think, well, did Alastair MacLean predict the future,
14:34or did the Russians read Ice Station Zebra and think,
14:37let's do, that's a good idea.
14:40But, er, when you think about how the Soviets nearly destroyed the world,
14:46it makes a shiver go down your spine.
14:48But does it make a shiver go down your women's spines?
14:51I relished the chance to talk, but the important thing about any social event
14:55is knowing just the right time to leave.
14:58You all right?
14:59Yeah, I just think, if you're gonna run a book group,
15:01you have a moral duty to tell people you're gonna provide white wine
15:05so they don't turn up with an empty stomach.
15:07Well, you know, just do some sandwiches.
15:10Stupid burgers.
15:12How are you?
15:19But what if talking isn't the answer?
15:21What if the best way to process your feelings
15:23isn't to be grown up about it, but to do the opposite?
15:26After all, children don't sit around talking about their feelings,
15:30yet you don't see depressed eight-year-olds staring at women in hotel bars.
15:34Instead, they play.
15:37To explore this further, I've come to the estate I grew up on,
15:41where childhood friend Jez Chaudry,
15:43who's thinking about getting a bigger house number,
15:45has agreed to spend the afternoon with me for the fee.
15:47Shall I come in?
15:48Shall I come in?
15:49Shall I come in?
15:50Shall I come in?
15:51Um, yeah.
15:52I've asked you five times, then.
15:54They say, show me a seven-year-old boy,
15:56and I'll show you the man.
15:58Although there's got to be a better way of phrasing that.
16:01That man was me, and I wanted to rediscover him.
16:04And so we set off on vintage cycles,
16:07hired in an ironic way by Shoreditch millennials,
16:10but which we were able to enjoy at face value.
16:13I was keen to reminisce about the freedom and hijinks of our salad days,
16:17but in the end couldn't,
16:18because Jez wanted to tell me about how interesting his job was.
16:21I'm in digital marketing for Pfizer.
16:23Yeah, I love it.
16:24Yeah, I've got a great team.
16:25Licence to develop digital marketing strategy,
16:27but also individual campaigns.
16:29When he was a child, he wanted to be an astronaut.
16:32But maybe the happiness I experienced when I was seven
16:35exists only in my mind.
16:37In fact, life wasn't always rosy.
16:39I was punched on three occasions outside a chip shop
16:42by a 13-year-old girl.
16:44I think this is her now.
16:46Or this.
16:47Do you remember Mickey had stabilisers?
16:50On his bike, even when he was 12.
16:52Softie.
16:53Mickey.
16:54Yeah.
16:55He still lives around here.
16:56Yeah?
16:57Yeah.
16:58So did Bill Pinson.
17:00He's gone now.
17:01Quite a few of our class have gone now.
17:02Yeah.
17:03There were about six of them in a row.
17:04It was, er...
17:06Cancer, cancer, stroke.
17:08Cancer, suicide, choked.
17:10Yeah.
17:11I think Bill just fell over, didn't he?
17:14Oh, you heard about that.
17:15Yeah.
17:16I was invited to the funeral, but it clashed with the, er...
17:18Clashed with the National TV Awards, so...
17:20Wow!
17:21You were at the National TV Awards?
17:22No, I was just watching it on TV, but, er...
17:24Yeah.
17:25It's a shame, cos he was a nice guy.
17:27Big heart.
17:28Yeah, big heart, big portions.
17:30Jess, do you ever look back on those days and think,
17:32you know, maybe we were happier then?
17:34Sometimes, yeah.
17:36Lying on grass where sunlight dapples,
17:39enjoying apples and boyish grapples
17:42on those forever afternoons.
17:44That's really nice.
17:46It smells.
17:47Grazy knees and rows of cheek,
17:49we'd ride our bikes up to the creek.
17:51Trousers short, but days so long
17:54on those forever afternoons.
17:59Then Bill said bye, but why we cry?
18:02Tis late, Bill sighed,
18:03but soon we'll ride on another forever afternoon.
18:07A few minutes more.
18:08Oh, let's explore till ten past four,
18:11when bums are sore on this forever afternoon.
18:14And when next we came to call on Bill,
18:17his mother's eyes began to fill.
18:20Where's Bill? said I.
18:22She began to sigh.
18:24Bill went off to die.
18:26But why?
18:28Because fifty years went by.
18:31Oh, what we'd give to see Bill live.
18:35We'd knock on doors, then ride in fours.
18:38Pedals without a cause.
18:40One more forever afternoon.
18:42Oh shit, I don't know why I wrote it.
18:44You just gonna leave that there?
18:46No, I'll pick it up.
18:47But no recreation of the good old days
18:50would be complete without our other childhood friend,
18:52Mickey Allsop.
18:53You alright?
18:54Yeah, I'm fine.
18:55Doing a wheelie.
18:56This is the wrong house.
18:58I think it's this one.
18:59Yeah, I know.
19:13Hi, Mrs. Allsop.
19:15Er, is Mickey in?
19:17He's in the other room.
19:18Oh, right.
19:19Is he watching TV?
19:21He's doing his account.
19:23Of course you're his wife.
19:25Okay, tell him we'll be down on the green
19:28if he wants to join us in about half an hour.
19:31It's just sort of a reunion.
19:34Yeah.
19:35Tell him to where he's trained us.
19:37Thanks.
19:38And so for a fleeting moment we were seven again,
19:42when the dreams we had as children were still possible.
19:45Maybe you will join NASA.
19:48Maybe you should become the chairman of ICI.
19:51Maybe you can marry your cousin.
19:54I've been waiting for so long
19:58To go and out and sing a song
20:02Oh, don't crack up
20:05Bet you're afraid
20:07Steve all starts
20:09Rock your mental dreams
20:13So, er, what do you want to do now?
20:19We were just saying we might go for a pint
20:21if you fancy joining us.
20:22I'm not sure.
20:23I might cycle round a bit more.
20:24Heard some lads saying they were building a ramp.
20:26Might go and check it out.
20:28Oh, if you change your mind.
20:29Nah.
20:30How are your parents?
20:32They're both dead.
20:33Ah, yeah.
20:34And yours?
20:35Same.
20:36Yeah, mine too.
20:37See ya!
20:39But one last forever afternoon had made me realise, not only that I should make my poem, Song for the Biker Boys, available as a free download for private schools, but also that reaching out and talking have brought me real mental health benefits.
20:57And now, having found my voice, I'm going to use it for good.
21:01I'm going to take that voice and put it into the mouth of someone who needs it more than I do.
21:05A woman.
21:06Because for too long, people like me have put the men into mental and the he into health.
21:11Well, not anymore.
21:14I've had my run-ins with Mumsnet, but it remains a great way to find women with a grievance.
21:19While browsing one day, I was touched by the story of a woman dismissed by her employer when she'd raised her mental concerns.
21:26So I arranged to meet her in some remote woodland.
21:29Leona, I want to take you back to a very painful time.
21:33It's summer, 2023.
21:35Britain is sweltering in record temperatures.
21:38HS2 has just been cancelled correctly, in my view.
21:41Why would you want to get to the north quicker?
21:43And for Leona Maguire, that's you, you've just landed your dream job as an administrator for CXG Technologies.
21:51Tell me what happened.
21:52Well, I'm not a very loud person, so...
21:55Just do speak up a little.
21:56OK, I'm not very outgoing and they were very demanding.
21:59They were sort of that ex-public school type, very sort of full of themselves.
22:04And I imagine for a quiet woman like you, and you are quiet, really quiet,
22:08I can imagine that abrasive, under-qualified, over-confident, I want to say twattery, must have been quite overwhelming.
22:18Well, yeah, I started to struggle with anxiety, and then I missed the odd day, and of course the bosses didn't like that.
22:24Yes, they do try and speak up a little bit.
22:26OK, sorry, and then they gave me all these reasons, but I just think that they couldn't be bothered with me.
22:30Yeah, and that's not on, because I'm an employer, I have staff.
22:35Sometimes she's unwell, or has a personal issue, and obviously your first thought is,
22:40oh great, looks like I'm picking up my own dry cleaning then.
22:43But as an employer, you have a duty of care.
22:46So you say, alright, take the day off, just come in early tomorrow to make up the time you lost.
22:50But they didn't do that.
22:51No, no, they called me in and they told me that my services were no longer required,
22:56even though the week before I had asked to speak to a counsellor.
22:59And they definitely heard you?
23:01Yeah, but when I asked them if that was the reason why, they didn't really elaborate.
23:06Well, they're going to elaborate today, Leona, because I'm going to bang some heads together.
23:10In fact, I'm going to bang so many heads together, it's going to be like human conkers.
23:13You ready?
23:14I think so.
23:15Alright, remember volume.
23:16Do you have conkers in Ireland?
23:18OK, now this is your story, alright?
23:25So I'll go over there and pin them down and then you give that speech.
23:29Everything you've said in that incredibly moving voicemail.
23:32Oh, I wasn't sure that you got that.
23:34Yeah, I just didn't reply.
23:35OK, well, the hardest thing was coming home with no job and telling my son that Disneyland had been cancelled.
23:43OK, now make it personal. Use his name. What's his name?
23:45Taig.
23:46Taig?
23:47Yes.
23:48Yeah, don't use his name.
23:49OK, well, he's being very brave and...
23:51No, no, don't say he's brave. You're brave. He's broken. And what are you not going to do?
23:56Erm, speak quietly.
23:58Pardon?
23:59Speak quietly.
24:00What else aren't you going to do?
24:01Be bullied.
24:02Finally!
24:03Time for the sting. Wearing a hidden camera disguised as a standard dental brooch, I'm infiltrating an investor open day.
24:12You're going to see why I set up this company.
24:14A public showdown designed to achieve maximum embarrassment for this guy.
24:18The man who sacked Leona, smug CEO Craig Gardner, wearing what people like him call a gilet and people like me call a body warmer.
24:29Within the next four years, maybe even sooner.
24:31Just wanted to ask about the recently discontinued LM unit.
24:35The LM unit?
24:36Yeah, it was a multifunctional appliance, just didn't realise it was disposable.
24:40No, I'm not aware of the LM unit.
24:42There's one over there. Come on. LM. Leona Maguire.
24:45OK, got it.
24:46Yeah, you decommissioned the unit earlier this year. Threw in a skip with a load of hard drives in the bottom half of a shop dummy.
24:52Do you normally terminate people's employment without due process? Don't talk over me just because you went to public school.
24:58You know, you may be able to drown out a timid woman with a thin voice.
25:01Not so easy when it's a professional broadcaster, is it? We tried the switchboard already.
25:05Her name is Leona Maguire. You know who she is.
25:07You see, I can talk and listen at the same time. It comes from having talk back in my air whilst presenting live TV.
25:12I can go on all afternoon. Thank you.
25:15You know, it doesn't matter how many fancy websites you have or high-tech computer backpacks or whatever it is.
25:22It's a jetsuit.
25:24What, like a jetpack?
25:25We prefer to say jetsuit.
25:27Wow. What, can these actually fly?
25:31Yeah.
25:33My son Taig has been broken by this.
25:36Yeah, she's a very brave woman. Do you need specialist skills to operate it, or...?
25:40You can pick it up in a couple of hours.
25:42Huh.
25:46What, me?
25:47A tete-a-tete with Leona confirmed what I already knew.
25:51That this was something I had to do to give her story the hearing it deserved.
25:56Now, do you think if I put on one of these so-called jetpacks, I'll help shine a light on people like you?
26:03I don't know.
26:04Because I think it will.
26:07I just don't see what that has to do with it.
26:09Yeah, but otherwise all you've got is middle-aged woman gets the sack.
26:12You introduce the jetpack and bam, you've got a...
26:15You see?
26:16Do you see now how I'm trying to help you?
26:19Yeah.
26:20Right, good. Let's get the jetpack!
26:24Okay.
26:25Has Dan Snow had a go at this?
26:27No.
26:28Good, good.
26:29And Ben Fogel?
26:30No.
26:31Er, so if Fogel or Snow get in touch, just delay getting back to them so that it doesn't actually happen.
26:38Okay, I'm ready to fly.
26:41And while my microphone may have caught some gentle exuberance, women's mental health was never far from my mind.
26:48That is absolutely awesome!
26:57Absolutely awesome!
27:04Oh, that's all these costs!
27:05Can I tell you something?
27:06I'm definitely getting one of these!
27:08Show your house, show the kids, but get one before they ban it, because I'll tell you what they should!
27:23Producing throttle for controlled descent onto Range Rover Roof.
27:28Ladder required.
27:30Well, for Leona, it's very much mission accomplished.
27:32My flight drew attention to her plight.
27:34In that regard, very much a plight flight.
27:36But it was whilst I was airborne, flying like an eagle,
27:39I realised the weightlessness I felt from jet propulsion
27:42was nothing compared to the weightlessness we all feel when we unburden ourselves,
27:47let our feelings out...
27:49Jesus!
27:50...and just talk.
27:51Goodbye!
27:59Wons in the numeric lake!
28:02Bye!
28:03Henry Foxes começ with you!
28:04I figured out, have your advantage get this wish!
28:07And help you with fire!
28:08Bye!
28:09Aww, are we!
28:10�!
28:11Yeah.
28:12We'll do that!
28:13ally with the sounds of the steps of drive.
28:15We are easy!
28:16We need your machen.
28:17And, and I have a link here!
28:19YOUNGA ti let's show the español toamus!
28:21Bye!
28:23My fácil Speaker-yuked.
28:24He has a big chair at work by Frila Roberville someone
28:27Егоcrata Monasterもの USA Até 않고
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50:58
1:20:44
57:30
1:08:45
41:34
22:57
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