- 7 hours ago
Taskmaster - Season 20 Episode 4 -
Hey Mate
Hey Mate
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Oh, no!
00:06Hello?
00:13Hey!
00:19Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house.
00:30Yes, hello! Welcome to Taskmaster, a show that is as meaningful
00:38as an old man sweeping up autumnal leaves,
00:41only to have them blown across the garden overnight.
00:44And yet, five people want to take part. Why?
00:47Ego? A competitive streak?
00:49Well, according to a chat I just had in the green room
00:52with one of the competitors, it's no more complicated
00:55than an unhappy home life.
00:57Let's play on and welcome them...
01:00Anya Magliano!
01:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:04Macy Enna!
01:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:06Phil Ehlers!
01:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:08Reece Shearsman!
01:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:11And Sanji Bosco!
01:16And next to me, a man who once told me
01:18that there isn't a single presenter in the ITV daytime schedule
01:22that he hasn't thought about when having solo fun time.
01:26LAUGHTER
01:30Here's little Alex Hall!
01:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:38Let's have a look at the prize task.
01:40What an outstanding idea from the opulent orca,
01:42and this time they've brought in the present
01:45that would most make you say this
01:47if you received it on your birthday.
01:49Oh, that's just the most gorgeous gift ever.
01:52Greg will give five points for the best one,
01:54and they will all go home with the episode winner,
01:56whether they like it or not.
01:57Over to you, Greg.
01:58First, then...
01:59Reece, what do you think I think is gorgeous?
02:03I fashioned from an old doll's house a haunted house.
02:09So if you want to see what it was when it initially got it off eBay...
02:13And this is what Reece made.
02:15Wow!
02:16Oh, that is gorgeous.
02:17APPLAUSE
02:18It's gorgeous and opulent.
02:21This is Reece in action.
02:22So you actually did do it as well?
02:24Yeah.
02:25Yeah.
02:26I made the pumpkins.
02:27Yeah.
02:28Put the glass in the windows.
02:29Broke the windows.
02:30Curtains.
02:31And also, it lights up.
02:32I put lights in it.
02:34Look at that.
02:35Oh!
02:36Look at that!
02:37I mean, we're looking at, what, a day's work there?
02:39Two weeks, Greg.
02:41Non-stop, up in the mornings.
02:44Getting up, setting the alarm, going downstairs.
02:46Spraying, painting.
02:48You got up, then set the alarm?
02:49No, no.
02:50That was...
02:5214 days?
02:53Yes!
02:54Wow!
02:55Gorgeous.
02:56It's gorgeous.
02:57What a disappointingly positive start.
02:59Don't worry.
03:00Phil?
03:01It's a picture of Phil with a mayor.
03:03There we are.
03:04You know?
03:05LAUGHTER
03:10That's not just any mayor.
03:11No.
03:12That's the mayor of Preston.
03:13Ooh, the big one!
03:15Speaking of big ones, what's that behind him?
03:18Well, it's the biggest bus station in Europe.
03:21Wow.
03:22It's a Preston bus station.
03:23And I'm wearing a Preston North End shirt, holding a Preston Guild plate.
03:26Is it a plate?
03:27Yeah.
03:28And I had to find a way to meet the mayor, and it's a lot easier than you think.
03:31LAUGHTER
03:32Very good.
03:34Anya?
03:35I wrote a book.
03:37Ooh!
03:38And I wrote a book of all the gossip I've heard in my life.
03:41LAUGHTER
03:42It's a lovely book.
03:43It's a big book.
03:44It's a gorgeous-looking book.
03:45It's a gorgeous-looking book.
03:46It's a gorgeous book, and I wrote a title for it as well.
03:50LAUGHTER
03:51She genuinely did do this.
03:52Yeah.
03:53There's 100 pages...
03:54..of just malicious chit-chat.
03:56Look at this.
03:57Ooh, it's like a serial killer's diary.
04:00That is insane.
04:02I don't really know what the Magna Carta is.
04:06LAUGHTER
04:08Is that gossipy?
04:10This is the introduction page.
04:13Is gossip gorgeous?
04:15Yeah.
04:16Not according to the points I've just given you.
04:18LAUGHTER
04:21Maisie.
04:22I've got you, Greg, a ball on the end of a string.
04:25OK.
04:26No, no, no, no, no.
04:27You might be back in the game.
04:29No.
04:30No, no, no, no, no, no.
04:31I did some digging, and I found a chat forum
04:35of people who had encountered Greg Davies throughout their life.
04:39It's very personal, because I found on this chat forum
04:42someone who was taught by you when you were a teacher.
04:44Oh, God.
04:45I had him as a drama teacher for a year.
04:48I don't remember him doing a lot of teaching,
04:50and we mostly pissed around in class.
04:52LAUGHTER
04:54His warm-up exercise was swinging a ball attached to a rope
04:58around the room that you had to jump over and duck under.
05:02APPLAUSE
05:08The 90s were a different time in education.
05:10Different time.
05:11Only one left now, Greg.
05:13Hello, Sanjeev.
05:14Have you bought something gorgeous?
05:15I...
05:16Well, something that would make you say,
05:17this is the most gorgeous thing ever.
05:19I've made something that was practical.
05:21Oh.
05:22LAUGHTER
05:23It is a tea towel.
05:25Yes.
05:26LAUGHTER
05:27But it's...
05:28But it's this tea towel, Greg.
05:29LAUGHTER
05:31LAUGHTER
05:32GIFTA
05:33GIFTA
05:34Clever?
05:35Clever.
05:36It's clever.
05:37But he's cleverly tricked me into saying it's the most gorgeous
05:39gift ever.
05:40What do you mean trick you?
05:41Nobody made you do anything.
05:42You just read that and then you said that out loud.
05:44You said the thing that was in the task.
05:45All right, all right.
05:46I'll drop the lawsuit.
05:47LAUGHTER
05:50OK, let's go.
05:51Right.
05:52I thought the stones on the outside of the book were truly gorgeous,
05:55but then inside it was just horrible.
05:57Spiteful, malicious, classic.
05:59OK, one point to Anja.
06:00One point to Anja.
06:01Got it.
06:02Erm...
06:03Is it gorgeous, me being reminded what a terrible teacher I was?
06:06It was...
06:07It was nice and fun.
06:08Right.
06:09No.
06:10LAUGHTER
06:11Two points to Maisie.
06:12Three points to Sanjeev.
06:14I enjoyed the trick, but it wasn't an especially gorgeous item.
06:17I don't know why I found Phil standing next to a mayor gorgeous.
06:20Four points.
06:21And, of course, you know, any man who isolates himself for a fortnight...
06:26..paint in a ghost house.
06:28Gorgeous.
06:29Five points.
06:30APPLAUSE
06:31Let's crack on.
06:33Yes, I think we should, Greg.
06:35And just like when I go to a trendy nightclub in any capital city,
06:38this one involves everyone trying to get my number.
06:44One, two, three, four.
06:47Two, two, three, four.
06:50Start.
06:52You all right?
06:53Yeah, I've decided to have a seat.
06:55You look a bit, I don't know, pensive, worried.
06:58Everything OK?
06:59Yeah, they're pretty accurate.
07:01Oh, hi.
07:02When are you going to learn?
07:04Keep dragging back in here to do things.
07:06Yeah.
07:07Well, I've got to be here.
07:08What have you been up to?
07:09It's not that sort of situation.
07:10OK, let's crack on then.
07:12Shall I go into the task?
07:14Yes.
07:15Happy birthday, is it?
07:17Is it your birthday?
07:19Well...
07:20Ah.
07:21Hmm.
07:22It is this year.
07:23Capricorn?
07:24This.
07:25That's for you.
07:26Yeah.
07:27These are mine.
07:3220 beads.
07:33Mm-hm.
07:34Yeah, nice.
07:35You know, I come from a hinterland of culture which contains many beads.
07:39In fact, people go there to buy beads.
07:42Where are you from?
07:43I was born in West London.
07:45Yeah.
07:46Yeah.
07:47Cool.
07:48Well, does she want to open the task?
07:49Yeah.
07:50What number has Alex written down?
07:52You may ask no more than 20 questions.
07:55Alex may only say yes or no.
07:57And you must be increasingly surprised by every answer.
08:01Your time starts now and ends when you say the correct number or ask your 20th question.
08:08OK.
08:09And you can only answer yes or no.
08:14Yes.
08:15Oh!
08:20Mm.
08:21Ah.
08:22Mm.
08:23Interesting.
08:24Very much so.
08:27You've gone in pretty surprised early doors there, haven't you?
08:30Yeah.
08:31I pitched it far too much, yeah.
08:32Oh, my God.
08:33By the end, you're going to just be screaming, aren't you?
08:35Ooh!
08:38Great.
08:39Let's crack on with it.
08:40Right.
08:41Well, first to become increasingly surprised whilst guessing my number are Maisie,
08:44Reetie and Philly.
08:45Is your number between one and ten?
08:50No.
08:51Hmm.
08:52Single digits?
08:53No.
08:54Hmm.
08:55Higher than 50?
08:56Yes.
08:57Oh!
08:58Is the number by any chance a prime number?
09:01No.
09:02Wish I knew what a prime number was.
09:06That is a good question.
09:07Is your number...
09:08Lower than 50?
09:09Three numbers.
09:10Is it between one and a hundred?
09:11No.
09:12No.
09:13No.
09:14No.
09:15No.
09:16No.
09:17Oh!
09:18Oh!
09:19Is your number...
09:2063?
09:21No.
09:22Are you kidding?
09:23It's not under a hundred?
09:24No.
09:25Is it over a hundred?
09:26Yes.
09:27If you were playing for this number in pounds, would it be higher than the 64,000 pound question
09:34on who wants to be a millionaire?
09:36Yes.
09:37Yes!
09:38I've lost track of where the numbers are.
09:39I know.
09:40I've lost track of the numbers it is and isn't beginning with.
09:41I know.
09:42I've wasted so many questions, haven't I?
09:43I.
09:44Yes.
09:45I don't think I care what the number is.
09:46That's the tricky thing, you know.
09:47Hmm.
09:48Is your number on the end of that telephone?
09:49No.
09:50Right!
09:51I'm just going to take this away from the last week.
09:53I'm going to have to get to take that now.
09:54Well, you'll have to take one question on who wants to be a millionaire.
09:56Yes.
09:57Yes!
09:58I've lost track of where the numbers are.
09:59I know.
10:00I've lost track of the numbers it is and isn't beginning with.
10:01I know.
10:02I've wasted so many questions, haven't I?
10:03Yes!
10:04on the end of that telephone no right i'm just going to take this call
10:13hello lil wayne maizey speaking 360.
10:22is your number 360. no that's insane is the number in this room yes i've written it down
10:33i could just find the number couldn't i yes right come on then actually try not to ask me any more
10:40questions i would say why's that did you remember um what do you know about my number at this stage
10:48reese it's higher than 50. i think you 11 questions wait a minute what the fuck's this
10:55is the number you've written down the answer to this yes
10:59yes well don't we have a conundrum is that a question
11:06has your number got a one in it yes no is the one in the number your number at the beginning of
11:12the number yes now we're getting somewhere is the second number a number between one and ten
11:19no so number second number a zero yes but you've only got one question left right okay
11:25is your number this is the final question right yes of course i know
11:32is your number 10
11:38no the answer is 8 500. okay is your number three but that's and that's i'm fine with that honestly
11:46three yeah no no right see ya have a nice day one of your questions i'm just interested in your
11:59thinking here was is the number above 64 000 yeah well i knew that it was it was a big net right so i was
12:08like it's somewhere between one and a million what else is between one and a million the prizes on who
12:12wants to be a millionaire what's around halfway 64 grand yeah i did say halfway to a million yeah
12:22no no fuck off halfway through the process of the show is around 64 grand when you yeah but i said yes
12:32it's over that and your final answer was three this is going to be your angry episode yeah i do do you
12:39think you'll come up with a decent task and i think you were the only one who got more surprised every
12:46time i'm glad you noticed that mr taskmaster phil i don't think you showed any expression of surprise
12:53throughout and large i cannot believe will you talk drama by him
13:07we're going to nip off for a break now but not before alex has tried out his new joke
13:11oh great okay thank you greg pan-asian i just call it a wok
13:15what's the time it's time for a break
13:34well hello thank you welcome back to part two of taskmaster where we are in the thick of a
13:41numerical task yes they're trying to work out what number i've written down they have 20 questions
13:46and must be increasingly surprised by every answer without giving too much away maizey reese and phil
13:51were awful now let's see if anya and sanjeev can do any better i'm going to be very strict about what
13:59is a question okay well the question is one that goes up the end isn't it yeah there's one excellent
14:06is the number somewhere i can see in this room no have you looked was that a have you looked
14:17that was a question yeah yes but you asked me a question then so maybe i get one back
14:25no
14:28where are you taking them oh no that was a question
14:32is the number you've written down between zero and a hundred a hundred and thousand between a
14:37thousand and ten thousand no no no okay oh there's a phone
14:45will wait he's always calling
14:50is the number that you've written down a telephone number no then that is even more
14:56stupid that ringing than i first thought it was okay hello 120 have you actually written down a
15:04number yes i need to be more surprised
15:09fucking hell i'm losing the world live here is the number 120 no no have you written down the number
15:17in this room yes does the number have emotional significance to you yes is the number your birthday
15:33yes
15:33yes
15:40mum no that's my wife let me don't hang her up i don't call her mum but my children do i don't
15:47want to know what goes on in that relationship
15:54i'm going to ask your wife for some details about you you're telling me nor asking me i'm telling you
16:01okay it's got a full stop at the end hello hi um this isn't alex can i ask you a question i've
16:07managed to get hold of his phone that's a question i'm not a mallet i could just smash
16:11through this you don't need a mallet for this task yes of course when's his birthday
16:20his birthday i always get this wrong
16:23is the answer one zero zero nine seven eight is the number ten oh nine seven eight yes
16:37thank you sanjee thank you very much
16:43sanjee did pretty well though pretty forensic in his hunt for the numbers yeah and then we saw a
16:48crack in his calmness when he threatened to take a lump hammer to the wall but pretty good i thought
16:54yeah working out that it was written somewhere in the room you can always find i mean it was just in
16:57my pocket you could have got that at any point were you as surprised as me that uh alex's own
17:02wife doesn't know his birthday it really felt like i'd got a key to the task and then it then it
17:08became something quite sad about their marriage yeah it was an accidental key to the task she rang to
17:13check it out my sandwiches and um and you seized on the opportunity isn't mum kind
17:21i sense any was fast though i could be wrong they were the only two that got it right
17:26sanjeev you got it in nine minutes 43. anya nine minutes 40.
17:31oh yeah genuinely so yeah and you get the five points
17:39the other three didn't get it right but i guess they get points for how close they got built in
17:44within this task was that stupid phone ringing in the thing and then there was a real one that
17:48happened and it gave her an advantage
17:50i'm not going to factor in the luck afforded that to uh anyone who heard the mum called
18:02well now we have clarity
18:06you're you're welcome so we're saying that any gets the five points for being the quickest and
18:10getting the right number correct sanjeev gets four correct and the other three getting according to
18:14how close they were to the number phil you get three points you were and can i say phil you do not
18:20deserve them two points and maizey you were just 100 975 away you get one point for the winner
18:28is anna madriano well pull my shorts down and smack my bottom what's next what's next little alex
18:42well greg we're mixing it up now in an alternative teams task and this one's got a whole lot of heart
18:50so
19:04hello hi hey hey hey hey
19:11nice shoes
19:12hello
19:22hello
19:24you all right
20:05what's the heart your teammates will make up the other two thirds who's the teammates one of your
20:11teammates what has made up the first third and has provided you with instructions oh your teammates have
20:18made up the others have made up the other two thirds and one has provided you with instructions
20:24the most affecting heart wins an affecting heart what's got to beat
20:29it's got to move greg the taskmaster emotionally oh yeah right is he a romantic so i'm going to be
20:37half of the love heart with your teammate
20:39so i suppose the obvious question is why were you eating chicken soup
20:50i like it you know you see a task and someone comes in drinking a cup of tea because they're
20:53just dead cash and they're like yeah yeah i thought i'd up that yeah it's not quite as acceptable as
20:58it's coming eating a bowl of soup i mean seeing it on the big screen now i realize my mistake yeah
21:05so these aren't their standard team members as you'll see we're mixing it up we're mixing it up
21:09let's get some romance on the go okay well let's see how normally mortal enemies
21:14anya and reese work together as a team
21:21i have my supplies
21:25i'm going to be the top like this but then to make it affecting it will say mum in it
21:33hmm like when you have a tattoo of mum and i'm going to pulse i'm going to be beating you're
21:40going to get across this information in 10 seconds yep i'm a really accomplished voice
21:44noter i usually do them in like seven minutes oh the voice note isn't 10 minutes the voice notes
21:5010 seconds okay i'm going to do it in order of importance of what they need to know
21:57we're doing the heart from above i'm the left side is pink it's got mum written on it but i've
22:00done m and half of the u my body is the top the side is the umbrellas it's pulsing it's filled with pink
22:05fabric but you have to pulse to make it why is she gambling is she at gunpoint play again i think
22:13that what i've done is incredible the side is the umbrellas it's pulsing it's filled with pink fabric
22:19but you have to pulse to make it the sad is the umbrellas i need to go again let's hear about the
22:25umbrella my body is the top the side is the umbrellas again yeah i need to because that was an absolute
22:30gobbledygook gobble my body is the top the side is the umbrellas go again with the umbrella if they
22:37get it wrong it's like that's on them completely okay so she said she is the left side i think she's
22:44doing this something about mum written in it and full of pink right right she's left hand side right
22:54right right okay and now i'm going to be right hand side yeah four and a half minutes oh no i'm going
23:01to spell um the other half of mum with flowers get rid of that sorry there's a creature on me
23:12what i've got to do now is fashion half of the u i love you mum thank you reese that was quite good
23:34i mean from what i've seen so far you're an incredible team i thought to be honest
23:37yes it does feel like an exercise that you'd make a couple that's about to break up do to try
23:44yeah it looks like you guys are going to last often a clip gets thrown up that we can use out
23:49of context throughout a series and i think probably this is yeah the brave boy dealing with a little
23:54bug yeah there's a creature on me no one comes running in to help though does it one of those things
24:02is going to keep being funny as well show it again now show it again there's a creature on me
24:12okay we're halfway through the show and as alex's wife slash mum said to me
24:16when she discovered his subscription to greedy butter babes it's time for a break
24:33hello welcome it's the start of part three where we've mixed up the teams to create two patchwork
24:41hearts oh just a bit yes they're using their bodies to create the most affecting heart
24:47following instructions from their team members via a voice note now for the other team it's
24:51maizey it's phil and sanjeev okay we need to do it on the floor i think at one third is the round bit here
24:59second third which i can instruct someone to do is the other bit i'll do the point and i will
25:06compliment greg's top half then the next person must compliment his like torso and then the last
25:13person compliment his lovely legs in a not objectifying way you know like those legs are great for
25:19swimming so i'll go i'll be the point there look oh i'll also let them know i'm wearing black then we
25:26can all be the same color right alex i'm ready for my voice note i'm not going to look at you because
25:31you will put me off no offense here we go boom to the floor i'm the point of the heart one of you
25:38needs to be the left side the round side one of you needs to be the right round side wear black and pay
25:43a compliment to greg genuinely chicken soup is really good i can't recommend it enough i don't want to
25:51tempt fate but there's no way they can cock that up i found some black stuff how long have i got alex
25:59seven minutes seems like too long doesn't it okay now where would maizey point i reckon she's gone
26:08a point like that
26:14how long have i got one and a half minutes do i have to stay in this position yes ready
26:19i'm going to play you the instructions from one of your two teammates okay fingers crossed
26:25hey mae um maizey's the point of the heart with a bum to the floor there's a v shape i'm the left hand
26:33curve of the heart you need to be the right hand yes please hey mae um maizey's the point of the
26:42heart so if she was doing a v shape she might be doing that as the bottom of the heart he was the
26:49left hand so i'd be the right here it's that there you go okay you think you obeyed the instructions
27:00uh hey mate uh yeah i think i did but i might have just got
27:10lovely work well this is i i mean maizey and sanjeev were incredibly effective
27:17heart makers straight to the point clear instructions and then there's phil
27:22i look like a reverse stripper didn't i came in and just got dressed
27:26you've certainly upset the two incredibly efficient parts of the heart but maybe it won't matter
27:31maybe the heart will still be a thing of beauty can i um see the team of two first why not let's
27:37save the team of three here is anya and reese's heart and remember the sad is the umbrella here we go
27:43go oh that's good that's pretty good oh i think it's very good it's a very lovely tribute to
28:01someone's mother and it was animated i mean i've got nothing negative to say i think it's really brought
28:07us back together absolutely yeah we're all right now aren't we yeah let's have a look at the other
28:11heart okay the team of three harder with three people arguably this is what they came up with
28:17greg has a lovely beard that is complimented by his glasses always been a big fan greg
28:26i never used to like people taller than me but you're the first person that i could genuinely
28:31have to look after my children of which i have none
28:43there we go sorry there seems to be something wrong with the tape there i wasn't told to make
28:49you a compliment i mean if you just look at maisie and sanjeev and that heart it is perfect look at
28:57can't you what a curve what a curve half a curl he looks the most peaceful i've ever seen
29:04it looks like you're trying to post a letter in my ass
29:10the letter starts with hey mate
29:12five points to the mum heart congrats say that now congratulations
29:28it's impressive in a way i'll give them three points they deserve three okay three points and five
29:31one more please yes please and kiddy up or hold on to your horses because we're off to our horse-based
29:41location for a horse-based task and i'm not even jockeying
29:57this is exciting it's the viewing deck is that a trot or a gallop that was sprint that was 100
30:11miles per hour okay interesting strange darts hedgehog darts
30:19mm-hmm binoculars if you need them i buried a hedgehog once why well i found it dead in the road
30:26and i thought i'll give it a dignified funeral
30:32win the horse race win the horse race have you spotted your horse
30:37yes oh god oh my god that's terrifying
30:52you must do one of the following things eat something without looking at the food spin the wheel at least
30:58720 degrees twice throw a dart at the dartboard
31:04that one there if you eat an olive your horse will advance two steps
31:12if you eat a grape your horse will retreat three steps
31:18i've never eaten an olive in my life this is going to be a nightmare
31:21if you throw a dart in an olive your horse will advance five steps
31:27if you throw a dart in a grape your horse will retreat eight steps
31:30if the wheel lands on an olive your horse will advance ten steps
31:39you couldn't have done it with chips if the wheel lands on a grape your horse will retreat 15 steps
31:47you must stay on the spot and you must not move the spot first horse past post wins you have a
31:53maximum of 30 minutes your time starts on the whistle you're riding a horse what is your horse called
31:58doctor magic
32:02called machine niblick machine niblick yes it's a golf uh term old pit
32:08george clooney okay so you're riding george clooney today the envy of many
32:12what do they write on the door in the shining it's matching niblick on the left-hand side followed by
32:18red rum that's what they do in horse racing isn't it red room your horse is called red room okay
32:26i'm still sort of dumpstruck by the mask of me i can't stand it it looks like some sort of
32:32it's like a hannibal oh christ to think the impact um in the film the shining
32:49do you think it would have lost some of its impact if they'd gone oh murder
32:55i will walk out
32:56okay anyway back to horses yeah can't wait to see these jockeys in action yes they control the
33:04horses olives good grapes bad the first jockeys to the starting stalls are sanjeev maizey and reese
33:09with their horses george clooney red room and mashy niblick do you know i don't think i've ever
33:14concentrated on the feel of an olive well now's your chance you think you can tell olives from grapes okay
33:22home it's an olive george clooney you may advance two steps
33:30right and a grape ah come on red room that's an olive you hit an olive
33:41yes that's an olive the horse will advance congratulations it's time
33:45oh which one was it that one yep it's a chronic
33:56another grape yep great
34:02that's ridiculous
34:07that's an olive all day long
34:10okay
34:10olive forwards oh no because that's sorry but that's good for you great
34:28we're sprinting there feeling a bit sick
34:31that's not worth two steps
34:39the horse will advance ten steps i'm gonna will it to be an olive it is he has crossed the finish
34:45line come on george well done red room and mashy niblick has crosses expressionless dead-eyed
34:52well why would you ever love that before your meal it's minging
35:07i don't like to be regionally prejudiced but you hate olives as well yeah i've had one before
35:15the hell is going on i would also point out yes and you just asked did you know there was a camera in
35:20the bin and i don't i think i would have made more of an effort not to drool into the bin
35:25okay we're stopping once again in the final part of the show we'll witness our very own taskmaster
35:30derby plus someone will take home a tea towel and a ball attached to some string so highs lows highs real lows
35:41and we'll see you next time in the final part of the show and our own grand national of sorts
35:55at sand down racecourse yes but before the race we need to see how anya and phil did at progressing
36:00their horses dr magic and old pip towards the post let's have a look i don't know how to play this
36:09game because i'm not an old man start first think olive that's a grape oh come on old pip i didn't
36:17know horses could go backwards i didn't know horses could go backwards miss
36:24should i try this do i have to eat the whole olive they're not in here
36:31they look rank don't they what is that for
36:34grape oh they're salty it's a salty grape yeah
36:38oh my god oh my god this is my everest oh pip you can advance two steps two come on mate
36:51olive grape are you kidding me 15 15 15 when's that happen come on old pip
36:59doctor magic she's gonna be in a different country soon
37:03stop this is where is this rigged olive great
37:15oh come on 15 is insane
37:22can i change these can i just take these off that would make more sense wouldn't it well fingers
37:27cross cross hey come on boy i've got a new idea i think it was about to land on an olive ready uh-huh
37:40please advance 10 steps
37:47let's just pull that short what's it landed on it's landed on wallow so please advance 10 steps
37:53that's an olive come on boy advance 10 steps yeah five four three two one we've finished the race
38:06blast off let me get him i want to hook him yeah baby he's a good boy yeah
38:15yes pretty gorgeous yes what a victory come on let's get you to the glue factory
38:31very nice to see a man running excitedly to hug a member of production
38:38you know they played the blinders didn't they well was it too little too late they did get very
38:41unlucky with the spinning wheel there were more olives and grapes but we're going to see them all
38:44race as one greg and we can see who wins ready oh my god i genuinely don't know yeah okay they're
38:50under started orders but phil and maizey's starter orders are definitely not olives it's a little
38:54joke let's get down to the track good luck everyone
38:57come on george come on george come on george come on george come on george good old george
39:10right here we go machine new blick dr magic last off
39:16let's match nibbling on the way down side come on pick me you bastard oh no come on
39:22oh my god i must have won
39:33and the tragedy is it was only old pip that had to be put down
39:38yeah sanjeev won three minutes 56 just six seconds quicker than maizey's red room phil took as long to
39:43eat one olive as sanjeev never again so yeah five to sanjeev four to maizey three to anya two to
39:51phil and one point to reese shearsmith well done there it is
39:57can we have one more look at the scores then it's tight greg it's the tightest episode so far there
40:02are just four points between the top four at the top of the pile it's sanjeev with 15 points amazing
40:07okay everyone make your way to stage please why i'll tell you why the final task of the show
40:21hello my friends of friends who uh will be reading the task i think anya should read it
40:26anya yes okay
40:32this one's mad fill out your form fill out your form
40:39yep they've got big forms in front of them there are 10 flaps on your form open the flap fill in
40:44the form start they've done it give greg a nice big smile they've completed the form
40:56okay i would now ask you to display your forms and stand beside them there's a little flap on the
41:05back of the desk and then anya's going to read part two of the task oh no oh no either convince the
41:12taskmaster that you have written something other than what you have written or exactly what you have
41:17written if you fail to deceive the taskmaster you are eliminated last person standing wins
41:25so greg's going to call out one at a time a number and a category so you have to either say what
41:31you've written or something you haven't written if he gets it right you're out he'll start with you
41:35anya number three and the category is a motorway which motorway did you write anya i wrote the m40
41:43you did not let's see what you've written anya she oh she wrote the a40
41:50that is what i meant she meant the m40 clearly the a40 the a40 becomes the m40 you're fine you've
41:58survived okay amazing i would like you to do number four best kitchen appliance i put a kettle have you
42:12she did put a kettle did you put a kettle yes kettle yeah maizey please sit down and take your form
42:25with you thank you thank you all right maizey's out in round one okay on we go now i'm terrified
42:34phil number seven oh something quite big tell me what you've written and i'll tell you whether
42:39you're telling me the truth or not i've written you know what have you written i've written you
42:47know you've just written the words you know yeah like something quite big and i've gone you say
42:52something quite big yeah and i've gone okay okay i think you know i think that's true he has written
43:01that number seven phil what have you written number seven oh fuck i think it was actually
43:07good round phil good round
43:14reese i would like you to uh read out number five which is a new band name
43:20i said style lemon
43:33i don't think reese did put style lemon reese show us what you write style bomb
43:41no it's fucking disgrace
43:44please take your form with you right well there's only two left
43:47let's have number 10 a quite scary animal
43:54leopard i think he's double bluffing me with the doubt in his voice
43:59i think you did write leopard
44:05we have a winner
44:10come down and join me
44:12well wow wow yeah it was shorter than i expected not as high octane as we imagine
44:25no you were very good at not being deceived craig oh thank you
44:29oh only one person deceived you so the full five points goes to anya
44:35however
44:37in joint second with everyone else so they all get four points so
44:40lovely
44:40five four four four four four
44:45okay so final scoreboard it's interesting there's not one winner there's two winners there's
44:49joint winners with 19 points anya and sanjee
44:58oh no we've got a tie we do so we need a tie break and this one is fun and made them look
45:04really cool because they had to remove their shower cap by inflating a balloon fastest winds
45:10here's how they both got on
45:12i don't mind that everyone's laughing at me
45:20so
45:33it's off yeah it's all
45:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:39Oh, God, it's... It's neck and neck.
45:41It is.
45:44The winner is Anya Magliano!
45:47Anya wins!
45:49Please go up and gather up all of your gorgeous gifts!
45:59So, what have we learned today?
46:02Well, we've learned that no matter what happens,
46:05no matter who it ha...
46:09So sorry.
46:12Hello?
46:13Yeah, yeah.
46:14Oh.
46:15Oh, yeah, yeah.
46:17Oh, Duffo.
46:18Absolutely, yeah.
46:19Later, though, I'm at work.
46:21I told you.
46:22You can't make me at work.
46:27Alex's mum.
46:32APPLAUSE
46:39But more importantly, let's celebrate our winner!
46:41It's Anya!
46:43APPLAUSE
46:44APPLAUSE
46:46Yeah!
46:47Who are you?
46:48I'm your host.
46:49No one gets it!
46:50I'm the CEO.
46:51No one gets it!
46:53I'm the CEO.
46:55Go and do the CEO.
46:56Of course.
46:57The CEO is not the CEO.
46:59But here's the CEO.
47:01Here's the CEO.
47:03The CEO.
47:04I'm the CEO.
47:05The CEO.
47:06The CEO.
47:08He is a CEO.
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