Hillbilly Blitzkrieg (1942)

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Transcript

00:00:00The

00:00:30The End

00:00:59President Gatling and Private Snuffy Smith.

00:01:07Never seed such a gun.

00:01:10Awkward as a pig in a gate.

00:01:14If I could use my old squirrel gun,

00:01:17what am I going to do?

00:01:20Private Smith, I've explained repeatedly that you must use the regulation arm.

00:01:24Lieutenant, I'll cut my baby teeth on that old squirrel gun.

00:01:29Go ahead, Sergeant.

00:01:39It's a bullseye, sir. They're tied at 160 apiece.

00:01:42And each has one more shot.

00:01:43Yes, sir. Snuffy Smith.

00:01:46Could shoot a squirrel animal off the tip top of a pine tree.

00:01:50It's a three o'clock miss, sir. The score is still 160.

00:01:59And Sergeant Gatling has one more shot.

00:02:00Yes, sir.

00:02:01Sergeant.

00:02:01Private Smith.

00:02:22Couldn't draw a bead on the barn's side.

00:02:25Private Smith.

00:02:50Please stand back there until Sergeant Gatling is fired.

00:03:04It's a bullseye, sir.

00:03:05Sergeant Gatling's score is 161 to 160 for Private Smith.

00:03:09Congratulations, Sergeant.

00:03:13Thank you, my friend.

00:03:15Good work, Sergeant.

00:03:30Fighting this man in the whole United States Army.

00:03:32And that revenue of Sergeant, all on account of one duck, got me tending mules.

00:03:42If it weren't for the Army, it'd be the rip snortin' a squall of fight never seen in these parts.

00:03:52Before the war, when weers were in the Big Smokies, the Sergeant won't warn winnin' those shootin' medals.

00:03:59If it were too busy dodging.

00:04:05Revenuers sneak in a box like a ring-tailed tiger.

00:04:12Shipless, low-down, worthless Sergeant vomit.

00:04:20Old bodacious, underwitted bitch.

00:04:23Stupid old ship, this old, worthless old sergeant.

00:04:40Sergeant.

00:04:43Sergeant Gatling, how can you allow your uniform to get in that condition?

00:04:46Well, I was...

00:04:46Have you no respect for the medals just awarded you?

00:04:48Yes, sir.

00:04:49What do you think of privates like this man here will think of you if you set such an example?

00:04:52Oh, I'm sorry.

00:04:54Now go change that uniform.

00:04:55Yes, sir.

00:05:00Boy, I...

00:05:01What are you doing running to the bed, Sloppy?

00:05:21Nothing.

00:05:24I got a letter for you.

00:05:25Oh, I was, uh, lookin' for my readin' spectacles.

00:05:31Well, you oughta be right here.

00:05:35I've gotta clean them.

00:05:37Cause they got kinda dirty and, uh...

00:05:39Oh.

00:05:42Broke again.

00:05:44They never was no good.

00:05:46Snoppy.

00:05:47Snoppy, how come you never learned how to read or write?

00:05:50Book found and never shot a deer.

00:05:53No, sir.

00:05:54You want me to read it for you?

00:05:55I sure do.

00:05:56I sure do.

00:05:57My dear adopted soldier man.

00:06:05That air me.

00:06:07I simply must meet you, so I am coming up next visitor's day.

00:06:12Send me your photograph so that I can recognize you when I get there.

00:06:16How did you like the big layer cake I sent you?

00:06:22As ever, Eliza Murdoch.

00:06:25Big layer cake?

00:06:27It only frotched 17 cents.

00:06:30Yeah, but what about those two boxes of cigars and the silk scarf and the gold pen and pencil set?

00:06:35Oh, only got ten or twelve dollars for the whole kick and caboodle on them.

00:06:41I know, but it's still a good source of extra revenue.

00:06:45And if you don't send her the photograph, it might stop.

00:06:48Look.

00:06:55And if I do send her the photograph?

00:07:02Yes, sir.

00:07:03You see, this rocket appears to have some very unique features.

00:07:08Its performance in flight is controlled entirely from the ground by radio waves.

00:07:13About ready for demonstration to the water department.

00:07:15You'll be in charge of the detail.

00:07:19How about you going, Sergeant?

00:07:22Oh, Sergeant.

00:07:26By the way, take Private Snuffy Smith along.

00:07:28He knows that country.

00:07:30Well, I don't think that'll be necessary, sir.

00:07:32I know the country, too.

00:07:33But he was born and raised there.

00:07:35Knows every hideout.

00:07:36Probably used them all.

00:07:38I'm sure he'll be very helpful.

00:07:41Yes, sir.

00:07:41Your adopted soldier, Snuffy Smith.

00:07:56I changed my mind about sending the picture.

00:07:59Good.

00:08:00Let's see it.

00:08:01Jeepers, don't you know that's being bad luck?

00:08:04Okay.

00:08:07Here, sit down.

00:08:07I'll read you what I've got.

00:08:08Oh, thanks.

00:08:10Dear lady, your many presents received.

00:08:13Carpenter Bruce.

00:08:17Carpenter Bruce.

00:08:18Get your things together.

00:08:19We're leaving in the morning.

00:08:20Full equipment.

00:08:21Where are we going, Sergeant?

00:08:22Up to the big smokies.

00:08:24The big smokies?

00:08:25Yes.

00:08:26Special guard duty.

00:08:27We're leaving in the morning.

00:08:28Are we going anywhere near the Hooten Harbor?

00:08:31Or, uh, we'll be stationed at Saddleback Lodge.

00:08:34Saddleback Lodge.

00:08:35I remember that.

00:08:36I took Lousy up there 30, 40 years ago to see it.

00:08:39I'll take you and six other men.

00:08:42Balls of power.

00:08:45I want to take, uh, Farrell, uh, Wilson, Dixon,

00:08:49Randy, uh, Jones, and, uh, Boscovich.

00:08:52Oh, shucks.

00:08:53There ain't a one of them men what knows the great smokies.

00:08:57I want to get men that I can rely on.

00:09:00And I know those big smokies like the back of my hand.

00:09:04Oh, you'll love it up there, Corporal.

00:09:07The dogwood blossoms are as big as cabbages.

00:09:10And the hoodalls seem like canaries.

00:09:12Uh, Sergeant.

00:09:14Ah, I tell you, it's God's country.

00:09:16There's no place on earth like it.

00:09:19It's right next to heaven.

00:09:20That's the great smokies.

00:09:22Sergeant.

00:09:23Well, I'll see you in the morning.

00:09:25Sergeant.

00:09:26Sergeant.

00:09:27Oh, would you like to go, Snuffy?

00:09:31Oh, I sure would.

00:09:33All right.

00:09:34I'll take you.

00:09:35Thank you, Sergeant.

00:09:36Thank you, Sergeant.

00:09:37Oh, it's all right.

00:09:39The captain ordered me to anyhow.

00:09:43Well, the...

00:09:44the big ring-tailed vomit!

00:09:48He had me hypnotized!

00:09:50All right, you three take the jeep up in front.

00:09:57Oh, all right, Carver, you get in here, and Missouri, get in here with me, and let's

00:10:00get going.

00:10:02Oh!

00:10:03Oh!

00:10:04You, you, you, you, you, you underwitted, idiot!

00:10:08How do you expect a fellow to sleep?

00:10:12Come on, come on.

00:10:13There's not room for you in here.

00:10:14No.

00:10:14But I have a special conveyance, all for you.

00:10:17Yes, sir.

00:10:17You'll get all the privacy you want.

00:10:19Come on.

00:10:20Yes.

00:10:21Yes.

00:10:26Oh, Mr. Smith, allow me to present B-40, who will be your companion on the trip.

00:10:31You mean I have to drive that blue-nosed mule?

00:10:36See, it's Saddleback Lodge, if and when you get there.

00:10:41Balls of fire.

00:10:42If you weren't the sergeant, I'd shake your bones till they rattle like cowbells.

00:10:48Let's go.

00:11:01Get up, boy.

00:11:05You're from the guard.

00:11:26Get up.

00:11:27Get up.

00:11:28Get up.

00:11:29Get up.

00:11:31Let's go!

00:12:01Hey!

00:12:31Oh, a stable, this blue-nosed army mule.

00:12:33You can't put him in the barn.

00:12:35A can't?

00:12:37The barn ain't for mules.

00:12:39Oh, the barn.

00:12:41I never hear such goings on.

00:12:43Uh, who's the huddle-keeper here?

00:12:47I can't.

00:12:49The barn ain't for mules.

00:12:51Oh, the barn.

00:12:53I never hear such goings on.

00:12:55Uh, who's the huddle-keeper here?

00:12:57Uh, who's the huddle-keeper here?

00:12:59Barney Google.

00:13:01Barney Google?

00:13:03Barney Google?

00:13:05Barney Google?

00:13:07You mean my cousin Barney?

00:13:09The worthless, shiftless gunk? Why be?

00:13:11Overgone the lean-to.

00:13:13Well, uh...

00:13:15Tell the vomit Snuffy's here.

00:13:17Agent.

00:13:19Mr. Barney Google.

00:13:23Agent.

00:13:25Mr. Barney Google.

00:13:27Barney Google.

00:13:29Come on, baby. That's fine. Here, take it.

00:13:31Take it, baby.

00:13:32Mr. Barney Google.

00:13:37Snuffy!

00:13:38Well, if it ain't a sight to make the buzzards happy.

00:13:41Cousin Barney Google.

00:13:42Welcome to the lodge, Snuffy.

00:13:44Uh, how come you're up here on the big smokey's?

00:13:46I'm half-owner in a big adventure we've got up here.

00:13:49Well, I swore. That must be why the general sent me.

00:13:52Uh, why be?

00:13:54It's in the barn. Come on, I'll show it to you.

00:13:56Yeah.

00:13:57You know, I've raised all the finances to build this big invention.

00:14:01A matter of several thousand dollars.

00:14:03Well, bus-marked khaki breaches.

00:14:05This is a radio-activated rocket, operated by a remote control.

00:14:09Yeah, any pumpkin hate could see that.

00:14:11Professor James, Snuffy Smith was sent up here by the Army.

00:14:14Oh, yes. Uh, very nice of him. Uh, thank you.

00:14:18And this is Julie, the professor's daughter.

00:14:20A dash of the old stuff if I've ever seen one.

00:14:26Why, jeepers, I never see such rosy jaws and bright eyeballs.

00:14:31Oh, thank you, Mrs. Smith.

00:14:33The general says to me, Snuffy, he says,

00:14:35I want you to go down there and guard that contraption.

00:14:38And then the general says to me,

00:14:40if you see any foreigners sneaking about,

00:14:42don't leave enough of them to give the buzzards an argument.

00:14:45Well, I'm glad you're in charge, Mrs. Smith.

00:14:47Yes. And I'm going to take charge...

00:14:48George Bird, Smith.

00:14:50Go ahead and take care of that mule.

00:14:52You shipless skunk.

00:14:55I'm Sergeant Gatling in charge of detail.

00:14:57How do you do, Sergeant Gatling? I'm Farnie Google.

00:14:59This is Professor James, and this is his daughter, Julie.

00:15:02The professor will explain the rocket to you.

00:15:04You see, as the usual rocket goes through the air,

00:15:07the TNT and the nitroglycerin are brought together by a decapitator,

00:15:11but I use an electromagnetic wave.

00:15:14You don't seem to understand.

00:15:16You see, what he's trying to explain,

00:15:17I'll try to make it a little clearer to you.

00:15:19You see, when the rocket goes up in the air

00:15:20and they have a little cost to sell the freight,

00:15:22it brings out all the combustion of the mule cues

00:15:23going through the race route.

00:15:24And he doesn't just use a water port to race.

00:15:26He's set.

00:15:27And the mule cues don't come back across the straight.

00:15:28That's when the cavalry will still meet Hortonston.

00:15:30Ah, an improvement.

00:15:32Now, you see, don't get too near it, Sergeant,

00:15:34because if the rocket goes up in the horses' freight of states,

00:15:35then watch it'll catch breeds on the south.

00:15:37What a mule.

00:15:38He passed us on the road like a pursuit plane would.

00:15:39That's why we call him P-40.

00:15:40Look, he isn't even out of breath.

00:15:41I want to talk to you.

00:15:42I want to tell you that I've sunk all my money in this rocket.

00:16:00Now, I haven't got an asset in the world except spark plugs.

00:16:05You're underwitted idiot.

00:16:07Supposing the contraption won't fly.

00:16:09Well, that's what's got me worried.

00:16:11worry. We interested the War Department. They're coming up to witness a trial flight. Now we

00:16:16discover that we need a new and more sensitive gyroscopic stabilizer. Google, you must have

00:16:21been behind the door when brains was passed out. Why don't you buy the gym pack what you

00:16:26be needing? It costs $500. $500? Say, Snuffy, you can't lay your hands on that amount, can

00:16:36you? No, no, of course not. Cousin, why don't you put Sparky up for sale? I did. Spark

00:16:46plug isn't appreciated. If and I could sweep together that much folded money, I would, for

00:16:54the sake of the United States and Kennedy. Thanks, Snuffy. Appreciate that. Where don't

00:17:04we put these cots? I'll check with the serge. I'm so sorry. Oh, I've never been hit so hard

00:17:15by a girl before. Now, I'm Corporal Jim Bruce, sort of up here in charge of the guard detail,

00:17:21you might say. I'm Julie James. Well, I heard that Professor James had a beautiful daughter,

00:17:27but I never expected to find a Miss America, a movie star, and Julie James all in one dazzling

00:17:33picture. That's one nice thing about soldiers. They never exaggerate. You know, it's a funny

00:17:41thing, the way fate orders us around. Now, you take this order to bring these men up here.

00:17:47Well, I didn't think it was fate. I thought it was the captain.

00:17:51The G-40 passed that jeep. Wow. I bet he could beat anything on the road. What are they saying?

00:18:01Is that a racing mule? That blue-nosed vomit? I like a streak of lightning. Well, I passed

00:18:08the sergeant so fast, I could have hung my coat on his eyeballs. All right, bring it up,

00:18:13boys. Barrel, you guard the barn door. Dixon, you take the front of the lodge. Yeah, I wonder

00:18:18where they picked up this worthless nag. He ain't worthless. He'll bring five bucks to some glue

00:18:22factory. Well, in that case, the glue factory would be stuck. Gentlemen, that happens to be my

00:18:27thoroughbred spark plug. The fastest thing on four feet, aren't you, old boy? See, you still think

00:18:32he's fast, eh, Barney? I know it. Important business interests have kept me from racing him at the

00:18:38moment. But spark plug is just spoiling for a race. Mr. Google, I wonder if you'd, uh, consider

00:18:45a two-mile race with P-40. That's our mule. I presume you mean, uh, for a purse? Well, I haven't

00:18:52got a purse, but I wouldn't mind making a little wager on my entry. Me too. I'll bet. I bet

00:18:57it's a never less than $500. For all so far. Google, have you lost it? What brains did you

00:19:03ever have? Well, uh, what sum did you have in mind, Sergeant? Well, I'd, uh, I'd bet

00:19:09$10. Well, perhaps your friends would like to pool their bets. I got a buck 50. 31 cents,

00:19:13but Jed owes me a dime. Well, we might get 15 bucks together. Well, look, spark plug isn't

00:19:19mercenary, but unless I can get a respectable bet, gentlemen, the race is off. Well, when

00:19:24we get the guy on top of it. Oh! Get him! Get him! Oh! Unfortunately, I will not be here

00:19:31on Visitor's Day, as I'm being sent by the General on special guard duty to Saddleback Lodge

00:19:38in the Big Smokies. Snuffy. Sounds like we're getting a fish. After all the angling we've done

00:19:47at the army camp. Yes, a very big fish. Saddleback Lodge. What's up there? Nothing but country,

00:19:55and lots of it. Well, I've known for some time about Professor Waldo James and his radio

00:20:02control device, and also that he was hiding out in the Smokies. But where? Here it is.

00:20:11Well, Snappy Smith looks as strong as an ox, and just about as bright. Yes, yes, stupid,

00:20:21but important. Exactly the man we want. And so, Merlany? I know. I'm going to be Aliza Murdoch

00:20:29again. Exactly. Now, you, you're to get the plans of that invention. And you are to destroy

00:20:38the completed adventure. There you are, Merlany. Stop this soldier boy, Snappy Smith. You're

00:20:46going to Saddleback Lodge. And so am I.

00:21:08Take the car around to the garage if there's such a place. You'll have to park under a tree

00:21:14over there. The barn's for other things. Just as you say, mister.

00:21:20Oh, I'll take that, ma'am. Oh, how big. How strong. Oh, that's nothing. Where to? We'll go to my

00:21:45feet. Come, soldier boy. So, this is the bridal chamber. Oh, it's charming. Charming. Oh, lovely.

00:22:05Well, a doctor soldier meant, so you don't know me. But I did know you at once. You know me?

00:22:11From your photograph, foolish boy. Why, it is me. Now, of course, you know. I'm Aliza Murdoch.

00:22:18Well, how do you do? What? All those presents.

00:22:24Presents? Cigars. Candies. All my letters to me. And your sweet answers.

00:22:30What? I... Aliza Murdoch. And her adopted soldier man. Snappy Smith. Look.

00:22:36What an adorable name, Snappy. Promoted to a sergeant, too. You didn't tell, you modest boy.

00:22:49I didn't... Sergeant Gatling. Sergeant Gatling. Hey, has anybody seen the sergeant?

00:22:55No. Hey, Snuffy. Have you seen the sergeant? Nope. Maybe the waffled skunk snuffed off into the

00:23:09hills with other waffled skunks. There, maybe... So you're not Snuffy Smith? No, I guess Snuffy sent you my picture. I'm Sergeant Gatling. That's Snuffy out there.

00:23:24That's Snuffy out there. I'll send him up to you. Don't go, Sergeant. I'm glad Snuffy sent your picture. And now, I'm going to adopt you.

00:23:37You mean you're going to adopt me instead of Snuffy Smith? Yes. But let's keep it a secret. Oh, yes. But I gotta... The boys are calling me. I gotta get out there now.

00:23:45Well, goodbye, big hunko man. I'll see you soon. Oh, sooner.

00:23:50Oh, sooner.

00:23:59Beautiful vacation spot, isn't it? Yes, indeed. Great place for fun. Sporting events.

00:24:04Sporting events? I speak as a horse owner. My interest is in racing.

00:24:10Oh, you're Barney Google, aren't you? That's right. My name is Bowler. This is Mr. Hurdle. I do.

00:24:17We had a two-mile horse race scheduled for tomorrow. You see, the soldiers have a fleet racing mule. A marvel of endurance.

00:24:23And your entrance? Spark plug, of course.

00:24:26Is he dead?

00:24:32No, you see, he's just unhappy. The soldiers couldn't match my bet, even though it only cost $500.

00:24:39Hmm. That's too bad. The boys must be disappointed.

00:24:45Suppose I match your bet, Mr. Google? I accept, sir.

00:24:50Of course, we can post these bets with some responsible person.

00:24:54Why be so commercial? Let's make it a gentleman's bet.

00:24:57Just that it's customary.

00:24:59The cash or its equivalent.

00:25:01Spark plug will be my pledge.

00:25:05I'd prefer something more commercial.

00:25:08Haven't you an interest in some tangible property?

00:25:14You underwitted idiot. Don't put up what you're thinking of.

00:25:18Oh, you can find $500 to finish it somewhere in the United States or Canada.

00:25:25Gentlemen, you come to my room.

00:25:27I will pledge my half interest in a very valuable mechanism.

00:25:31Come on.

00:25:36Google, you flighty-minded nitwit.

00:25:40You poor old, feeble brain.

00:25:43What's to become of us?

00:25:45I always carry sleeping powders. Not only for myself, sometimes for others.

00:25:55That's the first time I've ever slipped them to a horse.

00:25:58Poor old Sparky hasn't a chance anyway.

00:26:00I like to make sure.

00:26:02Especially when it means holding up that rocket.

00:26:04Our rocket.

00:26:05Wait till the chief hears about this.

00:26:07And that the sergeant in charge of the guard held the stakes.

00:26:09My sergeant.

00:26:11Just the same, Gatling was an inspiration.

00:26:14He has a strong sense of duty.

00:26:16No matter what pressure they put on him, when the mule wins,

00:26:19we'll get our money back and the agreement that makes us half-owners of the great radio rocket.

00:26:23And then how we'll move in?

00:26:24Here you are, beautiful. A lovely carrot for good old Spark Plus.

00:26:28Administered before the race.

00:26:30Just before. It works pretty fast.

00:26:32And don't let anybody see you pass the carrot.

00:26:35Oh, it's a fat, a frail woman of flipping Sparky Mickey Finn.

00:26:41Is he all set, Dinky?

00:26:43I can hardly wait to collect my winnings.

00:26:44Hey, how do you feel?

00:26:45Listen, I never worry about race day.

00:26:47I used to ride three or four horses a day. Every day.

00:26:50Did you ever ride a winner?

00:26:52Did I ever ride a winner?

00:26:54Well, here we are, boys.

00:26:56Don't let me down, Sparky old baby.

00:27:00I wonder if it's going to be put on guard duty.

00:27:02I hope it won't be me. I don't want to miss this race.

00:27:04Well, don't worry, boys. I'll be on guard duty while the race is on.

00:27:07Ain't you going to see it?

00:27:09No, I'm going to guard the barn.

00:27:10Gee, well, think of all the money you got down.

00:27:12That's just the trouble.

00:27:13If one of you men are on guard duty, you'll be thinking about your money in P-40,

00:27:17in case anybody tries to pull anything.

00:27:19But not me. I'm in charge of guard detail here, and I'll be here win, lose, or draw.

00:27:22All right, beautiful. Do your stuff.

00:27:25We're going to leave it all to you.

00:27:28Both horses must be at the post in five minutes.

00:27:31All right, hop to it, boys.

00:27:33Nice night, boys. Give them a good ride, kid.

00:27:35P-40 can't lose.

00:27:36Get that out, baby.

00:27:39Oh, Snuffy.

00:27:46Do you want to see Sparky win?

00:27:48I sure do.

00:27:49Well, there's nothing better for a horse than Carrot.

00:27:52So full of vitamin.

00:27:54They'll make them run.

00:27:56You try it with Sparky. Here, give it to him.

00:27:58Give it to him.

00:27:59I see the horse make a hog on himself over carrots a heap of times.

00:28:05You sure give it to Sparky.

00:28:07If it's the last and final thing I do.

00:28:10Well, Sparky looks pretty good to me.

00:28:13He looks...

00:28:15Just take another look, will you?

00:28:17Oh, you mean you want me to put the horse to spray and bring out the little race when he brings the cap?

00:28:20Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't start that again. I was just kidding.

00:28:22Phew. Here, Sparky. I got a little bag.

00:28:26Wait a minute. What's that?

00:28:28That's a carrot I got for Sparky. It's got vitamins.

00:28:32Look, haven't you heard about priorities?

00:28:38Okay, Sparky. Let's go.

00:28:40I'll take over. You go watch the race.

00:28:45Come on, boys.

00:28:52What's it all about?

00:29:01Dad, the race. It means so much to us.

00:29:04Oh, yes, the race, the race.

00:29:11Well, they're all here except your sergeant.

00:29:14Now, if you could just entice him out here.

00:29:16I'm so lonely. There's nobody out in front for the crowd. Come on.

00:29:31Oh, no, no. I've got to stay here.

00:29:32But nothing ever happens away off here.

00:29:34Oh, yes. Guard duty happens.

00:29:37You're a very stubborn boy.

00:29:38Me?

00:29:39And I've done so much for you.

00:29:41I heard you've got so much money on the mule.

00:29:43I get a kick out of that.

00:29:46I've been naughty.

00:29:47But I did it for you.

00:29:49I gave Sparky a carrot.

00:29:52Well, a carrot's a good form.

00:29:53He's got a lot of vitamins.

00:29:55But this carrot contained sleeping powder.

00:30:03Uh, sleeping powder?

00:30:05It was. So Sparky will lose and you will win.

00:30:09Isn't it funny?

00:30:11Yeah, very funny.

00:30:13You better go now.

00:30:16Go on.

00:30:17Aren't you pleased with me?

00:30:18Oh, yes, very pleased. I'll see you later.

00:30:19Goodbye.

00:30:20You tonight.

00:30:21Yes.

00:30:23Oh, keep it.

00:30:26Oh!

00:30:27Oh!

00:30:40You know he liked it.

00:30:41Saw the sergeant eat it.

00:30:43We're in favor of Sparky.

00:30:45Of course.

00:30:46Sparky just can't lose.

00:30:48Ah!

00:30:52Ah!

00:30:57I like the mule.

00:31:02Stay.

00:31:03Okay, this will be a two-mile race.

00:31:05Along the road to the main highway, along it, and back to the road leading up to the lodge.

00:31:10Two-mile race?

00:31:11Why, I could finish the rocket in that time.

00:31:12Yes, but Dad, we've got to win the race to be able to finish the rocket.

00:31:13Okay, Dinky, you all ready?

00:31:14Okay, Dinky, get him off.

00:31:15Everybody ready?

00:31:16Go!

00:31:18I got him!

00:31:21I got him!

00:31:23I got him!

00:31:27I got him!

00:31:29I got him!

00:31:32Okay, Dinky, you all ready?

00:31:33Okay, Dinky, get him off.

00:31:35Everybody ready?

00:31:37Go!

00:31:38That thing, yarn twice before I said goodbye

00:31:59If we could get the plants and destroy the rocket

00:32:08You stay here, and shout

00:32:12Come on, Father

00:32:20We've got to be a help of my cousin's boss

00:32:23Come on, come on, Dick

00:32:25Come on, what happened?

00:32:34Sergeant, you're holding the stakes

00:32:36And you know within a few minutes

00:32:38I'll win a half interest in the rocket

00:32:39You better pay for it yourself

00:32:41Be sure to win

00:32:43Sure

00:32:43Well, we'll see about that

00:32:46After the race

00:32:48Well

00:33:06But look here, Sergeant

00:33:12You might as well let us in there

00:33:14Because you know as well as we do

00:33:15The mule's going to win

00:33:16Up to me

00:33:37The End

00:34:07The End

00:34:37The End

00:35:07The End

00:35:37The End

00:36:07Well, the best horse won!

00:36:30Oh, Dad, we won! We won!

00:36:36I still like the mule.

00:36:38Oh, Dad...

00:36:39What happened to P-40?

00:36:41P-40?

00:36:41Why, that mule...

00:36:42P-40, we won!

00:36:44Ask the sergeant!

00:36:50Maybe P-40 was on the train.

00:36:52To think that old bag of bones could beat him.

00:36:54Gee, why don't we tell the serge?

00:36:55Hey, what's the matter, Sarge?

00:36:58We got bad news for you.

00:37:00Spark plug won.

00:37:05Well, Sarge, Sparky won.

00:37:06And did I give him a superb ride?

00:37:08Good.

00:37:09Good night, all.

00:37:14Good night, all.

00:37:18With our new stabilizer here,

00:37:21and when it's installed,

00:37:22our radio rocket will fulfill every claim we've ever made.

00:37:25Remember that.

00:37:25It's the only flying cartridge in the United States in Kennedy.

00:37:30Professor, how's it coming?

00:37:32Coming along very nicely.

00:37:34It'll be ready all right by the time the ordinance experts arrive,

00:37:37if my partner will please, uh, what do you call it?

00:37:39Uh, scram.

00:37:41Look here, Professor.

00:37:42This is a wonderful contribution to our war effort.

00:37:45It finished with production speed.

00:37:48And no bottleneck.

00:37:51Was my jug.

00:37:55I'll tell ya.

00:37:57Hello.

00:38:21It worked!

00:38:23What worked?

00:38:23Well, I just dropped the penny in the wallet.

00:38:25I made a wish that...

00:38:27What did you wish?

00:38:29Well, nothing.

00:38:31Was it about me?

00:38:34No, I better not tell you.

00:38:36It might not come true.

00:38:40Oh, uh, Professor.

00:38:43If there's anything I can do for you,

00:38:46why, just speak up.

00:38:48Thank you, uh.

00:38:49Can you get me a drink?

00:38:50A drink?

00:38:51I'll be...

00:38:55really long.

00:38:56Yes, sir.

00:39:01Yes.

00:39:10Thank you, Professor.

00:39:11Oh, thank you.

00:39:12That's very kind of Him.

00:39:15Oh-oh.

00:39:15This isn't water.

00:39:20No, sir.

00:39:21That's the only thing we've got.

00:39:22Oh, I see.

00:39:24So did they make this with the apparatus that I see around here?

00:39:27Yes, sir.

00:39:28There ain't no other.

00:39:32There should be.

00:39:34The apparatus is old-fashioned, inefficient, and not scientific.

00:39:38As a man of science, I think I'll design a new apparatus

00:39:51which will produce a purer, more healthful, and a...

00:39:56a pleasanter liquid.

00:40:01One that will accelerate the oxidation of trophoplasm

00:40:04and thus impede the demolition of the protozoa.

00:40:08Well, busmark khaki breaches.

00:40:11That's the first time book lining ever appealed to me.

00:40:19You should have made sure a spark plug got the carrot.

00:40:22Oh, forget about spark plug.

00:40:24The try was good, even if it didn't work.

00:40:26Well, anyway, we're still safe.

00:40:28We haven't done anything that can't be explained away.

00:40:31We haven't done anything which can be explained away to the chief.

00:40:34Well, what do you suggest?

00:40:36I suggest let's get busy.

00:40:38I'm going to.

00:40:42Come on, let's go.

00:40:48Oh, yes, but all the soldiers spent their money on P-40.

00:40:52I didn't know how important it was to your father.

00:40:54None of the others did, either.

00:40:56Not even the Sarge.

00:40:57We only told it to our friend.

00:41:00Ouch.

00:41:00Oh, well, that wasn't what I meant, anyway.

00:41:04Oh.

00:41:05Oh, well, look, Julie.

00:41:07That girl has an eye for every man.

00:41:09Yes, but you didn't have to catch it.

00:41:12Oh, now, wait a minute, honey.

00:41:13Be reasonable.

00:41:14I don't even remember speaking to her.

00:41:16Oh, there you are, Corporal.

00:41:18I've been looking all over for you.

00:41:19Well, Corporal, you seem to have a very short memory.

00:41:24Have you seen Sergeant Gaffling?

00:41:27No, I haven't.

00:41:28Julie?

00:41:28I've written the directions on the last sheet.

00:41:44What's that, Professor?

00:41:45That's nothing that can sound due, Sergeant.

00:41:48It's a still, Sergeant.

00:41:50A new and improved type.

00:41:51It's far more efficient than those I've seen here.

00:41:54So it is a still.

00:41:55Thank you to keep your hands off in it.

00:41:57This will not only improve the output, it'll double it.

00:42:01It'll double the output?

00:42:02Take your hands off of that.

00:42:05Professor, I've gone all through the Smokies for years

00:42:08and broken up stills.

00:42:09And here you are, teach them to build a bigger and better one.

00:42:13Bless my soul.

00:42:14So I am.

00:42:15Now, what started you on this idea of?

00:42:17Really, I don't know.

00:42:19I became interested as a scientist and...

00:42:23Oh, bless my soul.

00:42:26Pardon me, I've got to get back to work on the rocket.

00:42:29There you go, Sergeant.

00:42:30Sticking your snout in the wrong sty again.

00:42:33With your permission, Professor, I'll take charge of these plans.

00:42:37Take them, burn them up, tear them up.

00:42:39I don't know why I've wasted so much time.

00:42:41You rather know?

00:42:43Never mind.

00:42:52At last you come.

00:42:56Yeah, but I don't feel so frisky.

00:42:58Poor boy.

00:42:58From the sleeping powders you took?

00:43:00From the sleeping powders you gave me.

00:43:03I gave them to the horse.

00:43:05Well, they were too strong for a horse.

00:43:07They nearly put me to sleep.

00:43:08I was knitting that for you.

00:43:13Oh, a knitting, sir.

00:43:15Oh, no.

00:43:17A sweater.

00:43:18It was a stretch.

00:43:19It was a stretch.

00:43:21Make a lot of imagination.

00:43:29I'm sorry I was late.

00:43:31Professor detained me.

00:43:33Oh, the good Professor James?

00:43:35Yes, he had some plans for me.

00:43:38Oh, plans?

00:43:40Plans, yeah.

00:43:41Plans of an invention.

00:43:42Well, it's so important that they kept you away from little Elisa.

00:43:46They're pretty important, all right.

00:43:48Some people give a lot of money for them.

00:43:50I took them just to keep them out of bad hands.

00:43:54And I got them right here.

00:43:57Won't you help me?

00:43:59Give me your hand.

00:44:00My hand?

00:44:00Yeah.

00:44:01No, both of them.

00:44:03Close that.

00:44:03Join together by the yarn.

00:44:09By the yuck.

00:44:10Hide.

00:44:11Tell her.

00:44:13Tell her.

00:44:15It's a mess.

00:44:16Oh, wait.

00:44:18It's a trick.

00:44:20Oh, no.

00:44:21I like that.

00:44:22Get another game.

00:44:23Now, why did I hide that joke?

00:44:44Sometimes you're so disappointing.

00:44:46So big, so handsome, and yet so ticklish.

00:44:50Sometimes I think you haven't awakened yet.

00:44:52Oh, oh, I'm awake, all right.

00:44:54I'm a...

00:44:54I mean to laugh.

00:44:55To romance.

00:44:56You never say things to me a woman likes to hear.

00:44:59Well, what things do a woman like to hear?

00:45:02I'll teach you.

00:45:03What is your first name?

00:45:06Homer.

00:45:09Homer, I'll make you a Romeo.

00:45:11Oh, no.

00:45:12Oh, no, not that.

00:45:13Isn't Homer bad enough?

00:45:15I think you don't care for me.

00:45:20I didn't at first, but I do now.

00:45:22How cool your words are.

00:45:24Why don't you say adorable one?

00:45:27So you don't really care.

00:45:29I do, adorable one.

00:45:31How sweet that was.

00:45:32You're learning fast.

00:45:33Tell me more like this.

00:45:35Light of my life.

00:45:37Song of my heart.

00:45:38My precious little chippy monk.

00:45:40Light of my life.

00:45:46Song of my heart.

00:45:47My precious little chippy.

00:45:49Light of my life.

00:45:50Song of my heart.

00:45:50My precious little...

00:45:53Oh, go on.

00:45:56Go on.

00:45:56Tell me more.

00:45:57Go on.

00:45:58Go on.

00:45:59Get it.

00:46:01Oh.

00:46:02That's all I'm going to repeat.

00:46:03Get it.

00:46:04Big.

00:46:07Go, Ram.

00:46:08Ram.

00:46:10Pretend you were a big, bad boy and I'm angry with you.

00:46:15You begged my forgiveness and landed me.

00:46:18Won't you do that to me?

00:46:19No.

00:46:20Tell me.

00:46:21If I don't forgive you, you'll shoot yourself.

00:46:24You'll cut your throat.

00:46:26You'll jump off a bridge.

00:46:30It tickles.

00:46:32It is so little to ask if you really care.

00:46:34I won't forget to do it.

00:46:49Baby.

00:46:50Come on.

00:46:51Get in.

00:46:51Of course, your little honey-suggy blossom forgives her big soldier lover.

00:47:05Now, say.

00:47:06Nestle in my arms.

00:47:07Heart of my heart.

00:47:09My only one.

00:47:11Nestle in my arms.

00:47:13Oh, I said...

00:47:14No, I can't.

00:47:14Oh, you're angry with me.

00:47:16Oh, you frighten me.

00:47:17Give me a sign that you're not angry with me.

00:47:19Give me a kiss.

00:47:20Big kiss.

00:47:23Oh, no, I can't do that.

00:47:27I can't do that.

00:47:29The guy was...

00:47:29The fear of losing you has unnerved me.

00:47:32I've fainted.

00:47:33Wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:47:34Give me my spelling thought.

00:47:38Holy...

00:47:39Oh, ha, ha, ha.

00:47:49Oh, my little honey-bunch, are you all right?

00:48:02Oh, can't I be, you little chippy monk?

00:48:09Oh, ha, ha, ha.

00:48:10Hey, you...

00:48:11You bogatious idiot.

00:48:13You shuffling skunk.

00:48:15Get over there.

00:48:17You...

00:48:18You...

00:48:19You...

00:48:21You...

00:48:21They want me.

00:48:25They...

00:48:25I...

00:48:26I...

00:48:27You...

00:48:28You...

00:48:28Tommy loose.

00:48:29You...

00:48:29You're on the winning engine.

00:48:32Sergeant.

00:48:33Sergeant.

00:48:35Under...

00:48:35Oh, you...

00:48:36Oh...

00:48:37Oh...

00:48:38Oh...

00:48:40Oh...

00:48:41Oh...

00:48:41Louisi!

00:48:43Now, you've had plenty of time to carry this job out,

00:48:46and what have you done?

00:48:48Nothing.

00:48:49Now, sit here, man.

00:48:49I want this job carried through.

00:48:52Oh, hello.

00:48:53I've got a plan.

00:48:55Courtesy of pardoned Guttley.

00:48:56Hello, Marlene.

00:48:58That's very nice.

00:48:59That's very nice.

00:49:06You idiot.

00:49:08You rattled-brained woman.

00:49:09Do you know what you've done?

00:49:11You've brought me the plan for a whiskey still.

00:49:15Right time that I took charge.

00:49:17You three not only miserably failed to carry out my command,

00:49:20you've actually furnished the Americans with money

00:49:23to complete the rocket, which you were set to destroy.

00:49:27Within a few hours, the Washington experts will be here

00:49:31to witness the test flight of the rocket.

00:49:34Before that, it must be destroyed.

00:49:36That's great.

00:49:37But how are we going to get into the barn?

00:49:39We've been trying for a week.

00:49:40You leave that to me.

00:49:42You get us in that barn,

00:49:43and I guarantee to blow that rocket so high.

00:49:45Now, listen, stupid.

00:49:47The important thing is we get the plans first.

00:49:50Then we'll take care of the rocket.

00:49:52Come on, Snuffy.

00:49:53You know I'm nervous, and I'll need some rehearsing.

00:49:55Go ahead.

00:49:56Pretend you're the general.

00:49:57Oh, such granny talk.

00:49:59Why should you be nervous?

00:50:00Well, I'm not used to receiving medals.

00:50:02Oh, you ain't got no medal yet,

00:50:04so far as I can see.

00:50:06Well, I will when the rocket's a success.

00:50:07Go on, pin it on me.

00:50:09Oh, now, feels like a dimension, is ya?

00:50:13Well, keep on with the rest of it.

00:50:14There's supposed to be a foreign general,

00:50:16and you know what the customary procedure is.

00:50:19No, uh, I don't know the, uh...

00:50:22The customary procedure?

00:50:23Yeah, what you said.

00:50:24Well, the foreign general is supposed to kiss the man on both cheeks.

00:50:27Oh, you mean I've got a pecky on your jaws?

00:50:32Certainly, and hurry up.

00:50:33There's going to be a reception at the White House soon getting underway.

00:50:35Hurry up.

00:50:36Oh, I beg your pardon.

00:50:39Am I intruding?

00:50:41Yes.

00:50:41Well, brace it up.

00:50:43Come here, come here.

00:50:44There's going to be a demonstration of that rocket any time now,

00:50:47and I want every man here to guard it.

00:50:48Get inside.

00:50:49Get inside.

00:50:51Stop.

00:50:57Get inside.

00:50:59You cheeky, skunk.

00:51:00You silence it.

00:51:21Come on, get on your toes.

00:51:36Where's your payment?

00:51:37It's here on my gun.

00:51:39Right there.

00:51:42Well, it's a scale to the jaybirds.

00:51:46Oh, will you never grow up?

00:51:48Are you going to keep on playing mumbly pig all your life?

00:51:51Oh, come on.

00:52:21There's something mysterious going on around here.

00:52:49Here, get in here.

00:52:51If anybody comes, we'll get them red-handed.

00:52:52Come on, hurry.

00:52:53Everything all right, sir?

00:53:09Yeah, everything's all right.

00:53:10You're a ship, Miss Funk.

00:53:20What do you lock me in here for?

00:53:22You could be a ship.

00:53:24If I could get out of here, let that go in.

00:53:28Oh, boy.

00:53:29I'm in the back now.

00:53:30I'm in the back now.

00:53:32Ketlin?

00:53:33Never let me out of here.

00:53:34I'm stuck with Ketlin.

00:53:35I hope everything's all right with the rocket, Sarge.

00:53:47I said everything was all right.

00:53:49Oh, yeah.

00:53:51Everything's all right with the rocket.

00:53:52Why shouldn't it be?

00:53:53Snuffy's in there guarding it.

00:53:55I'm out here guarding it.

00:53:57What could happen?

00:54:00Get away from me.

00:54:01It works.

00:54:20Oh, my lights work.

00:54:24Now it's that boy.

00:54:28Sergeant, Skunk, take the ditch.

00:54:31Captain.

00:54:34You will do well.

00:54:35This is my brain, Sarge.

00:54:35I know, but you will do well.

00:54:37Give us your plans.

00:54:38Come on.

00:54:38Stay away from us.

00:54:43No, easy.

00:55:01No, easy.

00:55:16No, easy.

00:55:18No, easy.

00:55:19Oh, my God.

00:55:20No, easy.

00:55:22Let's go.

00:55:52Let's go.

00:56:22Let's go.

00:56:52Let's go of me.

00:57:03Stop this at once.

00:57:04Or I'll call the police.

00:57:06What do you want to do with this?

00:57:14We're ruining everything.

00:57:15Yes, I know.

00:57:16Give me the rockets.

00:57:17The rockets destroyed anyway.

00:57:19No, it's not.

00:57:26No, it's not.

00:57:27I don't stop it.

00:57:29You're not.

00:57:29Look here.

00:57:34Who are you?

00:57:36Who are you?

00:57:55Demonstration must be underway.

00:57:56And it looks very good.

00:57:58For me.

00:57:58Oh, my God.

00:58:58Keep him here till further order.

00:59:28You're all right?

00:59:40You're underwitted, idiot!

00:59:43It's all your fault!

00:59:45Yes, sir!

00:59:49There goes that woman!

00:59:52Professor James?

00:59:54Yes, I'm Colonel Ash.

00:59:55Yes, this is General Winfield.

00:59:56Glad to know you, sir.

00:59:57These are the gentlemen from the Ordnance Department.

00:59:59How do you do?

01:00:00Gentlemen, I'm sorry that things haven't gone according to schedule.

01:00:03Oh, make no excuses! We thought it excellent!

01:00:05Why, indeed, yes, Colonel.

01:00:07I shall be happy to recommend it to the War Department.

01:00:09You will?

01:00:10Indeed, we will.

01:00:11Will?

01:00:12See, that's the trouble with you spies.

01:00:14If all you think can get away with is the order for a fetal fees, the people are free of the Western.

01:00:19And that's the cause of the major priests.

01:00:21And don't reflect on the kept of the hippocampus.

01:00:22The cattle laws are stout for a bit.

01:00:24And they don't need to slaughter you, sir.

01:00:25Hey, wait a minute.

01:00:26We hauled the crab over to the Crestide on the last Wednesday.

01:00:29So crabbed over to the Crestide, and we came back here today.

01:00:34Oh, a funny man, huh?

01:00:37It's all your fault!

01:00:38It is not!

01:00:39You got me in there!

01:00:40You got me up in there!

01:00:41You push your buttons!

01:00:42You're one!

01:00:43You're one!

01:00:44You're one!

01:00:45Hello, my little chippy monk!

01:00:48Oh, go take a jump!

01:00:51Go take two jumps!

01:00:52Wait a minute, Sucker.

01:00:53Don't leave me now.

01:00:54I never needed you so bad in my life.

01:00:55Yes, well.

01:00:56Okay, let me get yours.

01:00:57Oh!

01:00:58Come on!

01:00:59Well, you'll do your share.

01:01:00You'll go to Washington.

01:01:01Do your bit.

01:01:02Come on!

01:01:03Come on!

01:01:04Come on!

01:01:05Come on!

01:01:06Come on!

01:01:07Come on!

01:01:08Come on!

01:01:09Come on!

01:01:10Come on!

01:01:11Come on!

01:01:12Come on!

01:01:14Come on!

01:01:15Come on!

01:01:16Come on!

01:01:17Come on!

01:01:18Come on!

01:01:19Come on!

01:01:20Come on!

01:01:21Come on!

01:01:22Come on!

01:01:23There's your little old aeroplane.

01:01:24That must be me!

01:01:26You shipper skunk!

01:01:28You put me in there!

01:01:29You started to hold the�-

01:01:30I won't get in there!

01:01:31I won't get in there!

01:01:32Put me inside there!

01:01:33I won't get in there!

01:01:34How about getting you and Snuffy on the rocket?

01:01:36Say, ain't I having enough trouble as it is?

01:01:38Oh, please, Sergeant Gadley.

01:01:48Come on!

01:01:49Come on now, look pleasant, Sarge, even if it hurts.

01:02:19Mars, who have?

01:02:28Let's stop, come here!

01:02:30You are ready!

01:02:31Come on, boys!

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