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Mother & Son (2023) Season 2 Episode 5
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Hello?
00:27Arthur.
00:29My son.
00:30Yeah, Mum, it's me, Arthur.
00:33Is everything okay?
00:34Have you had another four?
00:35No, that's my answer to the question.
00:38Arthur, my son.
00:39Yeah, Mum, it's Arthur, your son.
00:42You just called me.
00:43Arthur?
00:44Do you work at the radio station?
00:47No, Mum, I think you tried to call the radio station.
00:50You accidentally called me instead.
00:52Goodness.
00:53Where are you?
00:54Where do you think I am?
00:55I'm where I always am.
00:56In bed, trying to sleep.
00:58Here, listen.
00:59Hello, Mum, it's me, Arthur, your son.
01:04Arthur, boy, will you please be quiet?
01:09I'm on the phone to the radio.
01:10The roof's dripping again, Arthur.
01:19Right where I slipped.
01:20No worries, Mum.
01:21I'll just add end all rain to my to-do list.
01:26You said you'd organise someone to fix.
01:27This bucket's become part of the furniture.
01:28Mum, tradies have become the new playboys, okay?
01:29I've been ghosted by every plumber in town.
01:31I suppose I have to do everything around here.
01:32That phone book's so old.
01:33It's probably got Adam and Eve's number in it.
01:34I'll need Noah's number at this rate.
01:35Mum, just get ready.
01:36It's a big day.
01:37Mum, just get ready.
01:38It's a big day.
01:39Your moon boot's coming off, and as soon as it does, I'm dropping you straight away.
01:43Over to Robbie's house, so I can actually get some work done for once.
01:44Oh, don't you worry, Arthur.
01:48As soon as this boot get down, I'll take it to try to help you try and move on.
01:59I'm not going to find it.
02:00I'm not going to find it enough down until you get rid of my house on your phone.
02:02No worries.
02:03No worries, no worries.
02:04No worries.
02:05No worries, no worries, no worries.
02:07It's just a little deeper.
02:08I'm not going to find out anymore.
02:09and get some work done for once.
02:10Oh, don't you worry, Arthur.
02:11As soon as this boot comes off,
02:14I'll be strapping on my joggers
02:16and running as far away from you as possible.
02:19A quick stay at Robbie's will do you good.
02:21Now go and get dressed.
02:27Honestly.
02:39Mum, what are you doing?
02:48Well, what does it look like I'm doing?
02:51I'm going to climb up through that manhole and find the leak.
02:56Oh, so you can tumble off that ladder
02:57and I can spend the next eight weeks
02:59nursing you back to health again?
03:01Absolutely not.
03:02I thought you'd be glad I'd be one step closer to heaven.
03:09Mum, Mum, fine.
03:13You go get dressed.
03:14I will go up and find the leak.
03:16What would you know about roof tiles, Arthur?
03:20It's called YouTube, Mum.
03:21That's our version of Free University.
03:23Alright, but be careful.
03:26Where there's water, there's worries.
03:29Yeah, righto.
03:31I think you'll find that I'm a touch more nimble than you, Mum.
03:35I'll be fine.
03:36Isn't it great the doctor who treated you
03:40could also give my foot the all-clear?
03:43Yeah, my fractured wrists aren't quite as thrilled, Mum.
03:46Oh, I know, having a fall, it's pretty scary.
03:49Oh, I didn't have a fall, I just fell.
03:52Oh, right through the ceiling.
03:54No, but that's not having a fall.
03:56Only old people have falls.
03:58Young people, we just fall over.
04:00Oh, well, I think that's racist.
04:02You mean ageist?
04:03Oh, it's the same thing.
04:04No, no.
04:05You seem a bit flat.
04:06Why don't we swing past the ambulance bay
04:08and get another suck of nitrous?
04:10Well, of course I'm flat.
04:12I'm supposed to be doing the kiss of death challenge,
04:14and now I have to do it looking like a budget Edward Scissorhands.
04:16I have to livestream myself eating the world's spiciest corn chip.
04:19No water allowed.
04:20You have no comprehension of how much pain I'll be in.
04:23Oh, no, I've only had two childbirths
04:24and a midline episiotomy that went wrong.
04:27Oh, what would I know about pain?
04:28My headline is going to be,
04:43I ate the world's spiciest chips so that you don't have to.
04:47Oh, and you know what journalists did in my day so that you don't have to, Arthur?
04:52They went to Vietnam.
04:53Hey, I know what to cheer you up.
05:01No, don't, Mum.
05:03No, Mum, you'll hurt your foot.
05:07Oh, come on, little...
05:08Be careful.
05:09Buddy, buddy, bear.
05:16There you go, Arthur.
05:18You're giving me all the itchy pillows, Mum.
05:20Oh, stop complaining.
05:22And let me know if you need to do a bowel movement.
05:26Hello?
05:29I came as soon as I could.
05:31My Robbie, my favourite.
05:34Oh, netball.
05:36Whose goal circle are you trying to penetrate?
05:39Some of us are trying not to end up in the hospital every time we have a fall.
05:41I didn't have a fall.
05:43I fell.
05:44Mum, you've been through so much lately.
05:48It's time to heal.
05:49And some lovely ladies came through my clinic and were handing out these flyers.
05:54And I just had to sign you up.
05:55Oh, Hotheads Knitting Club.
05:58It sounds like a good old-fashioned stitch and bitch.
06:01They're knit beanies for premature babies.
06:03I'm more excited about the bitching.
06:05Oh, thank you, Robbie.
06:07Mwah.
06:08You're always thinking of others.
06:10Well, time to go and dust off the old cashmere chopsticks.
06:14What are you up to?
06:19If you didn't have two broken arms, I'd tell you to pick up your manners.
06:22To say I'm a little suspicious of your knit, flicks and chill is an understatement.
06:25The falls, the forgetfulness, the calls at all hours.
06:28It's a sign of things to come, Arthur.
06:30We need to be on the front foot with this.
06:32And knitting is repetitive, relaxing and a good way to get her back into the community.
06:36And?
06:37And it'll keep her distracted while we fix this place up.
06:41Fix this place up?
06:42How so?
06:42A little nip here, tuck there.
06:44Think about it.
06:46If we fix this old girl up, we won't even need to sell.
06:52We can borrow against the equity, buy, flip, sell some other house,
06:56and the money will be back in the offset before you can say,
06:58Robbie, you're a genius.
07:00Yeah?
07:00And who's going to pay for this facelift?
07:02Chill, Ebeneezer.
07:03Bigs has got this.
07:04Bye, Mom!
07:05Can I wear this for netball?
07:08The girlies can't resist a wounded soldier.
07:10No, no, wait.
07:11We have to return that to the pharmacist.
07:28Now, Mom, I've got a lot of prep to do for the kiss of death challenge today, okay?
07:31So I need you to give me as much space as humanly possible.
07:34Yes, yes, you don't have to keep reminding me.
07:38Rightio, in your hopper.
07:43Why are you still here?
07:44I don't want to do this any more than you do, Arthur.
07:47Now, let's get to those hard-to-reach places.
07:50I don't have any hard-to-reach places.
07:53Oh, this is no time for modesty.
07:56I was a nurse for 33 years.
07:59There are no places I haven't reached.
08:01Out!
08:02All right.
08:03Oh, make sure you wash right in under your arm.
08:07I don't want to do it.
08:16Mom?
08:19Mom?
08:20I just need a bit of help getting his shirt on.
08:27Needles up, ladies.
08:28There's nothing the more seasoned members of this group haven't seen before.
08:33Arthur, this is my new knitting group.
08:36Potential.
08:37New knitting group.
08:39Potentially, yes.
08:40It's a trial.
08:42Me playing host.
08:43Giving the girls a chance to get a feel for us.
08:46It's not everyone's hothead material, Arthur.
08:49Sometimes one struggles to fit, as you clearly understand.
08:53Yes, poor Arthur.
08:55He had a fall.
08:57Well, I didn't have a fall.
08:59I fell.
09:00Pray tell.
09:02What's the difference, Arthur?
09:03No difference.
09:08Oh, Arthur, Narell just finished this incredible jumper.
09:15What do you think?
09:18Wow.
09:18It looks like wearable cuddles from a wild clown.
09:24Oh, my goodness.
09:26I knit best when the knitting needs me.
09:27Yes.
09:28Well, I'm going to go because I have lots of work to do.
09:32Oh, Arthur, wait, wait, wait.
09:35Here.
09:36Zip.
09:37Mum.
09:37Zip.
09:38I just...
09:39No, I was doing it.
09:41And blow.
09:42Mum.
09:43Arthur, you've got boogies.
09:44Blow.
09:48Oh, that's a very good colour.
09:51And have you moved your bowels today?
09:53Mum.
09:53Oh, to heaven's sake.
09:55There are babies shivering right now because you're here standing talking about your son's
09:58nether regions.
09:59Oh, Anne, that's my cue to leave.
10:00Um, good luck with the trial, Mum.
10:02I'm going to choose my outfit for tomorrow.
10:06Well, sit.
10:06Do you think we might be taking a break soon?
10:20We break at row 64.
10:22And not a stitch sooner.
10:24Well, in that case, I'll just duck out to the ladies.
10:28Oh, oh, no, you go, Doris.
10:30It's...
10:31Goodness gracious.
10:36Hasn't Doris packed on some pounds?
10:37Oh, I know.
10:38When I saw her, I thought, is that all you?
10:41Well, you didn't think it, Tori.
10:42You said it.
10:43Oh.
10:44You know, she's blaming her hormone blockers.
10:47She can blame the many moons of Jupiter, as far as I'm concerned.
10:50The truth is, her hands haven't left that snack bowl all morning.
10:54Leave some for us, I thought.
10:55Mm.
10:56Well, there'll be none left at all.
10:58Oh, here she comes.
11:01Don't you need to go, Maggie?
11:06Oh, no.
11:08I can wait.
11:11Yeah, go.
11:18Arthur, my brother, you know I thought this house felt brighter,
11:21but turns out that's just your shine.
11:24So, it's not much to look at, but it's got great bones.
11:28And up there's a sign of light.
11:29Oh, yep.
11:31Oh, Arthur, this is Rex, our builder, who will be undertaking this wonderful project.
11:36Hey, Robbie, what the hell is this?
11:39Not in front of the guest's baby brother.
11:42You need a building plan the size of a novel just to fix one hole in the ceiling.
11:45Listen, these are just some minor improvements that I believe are crucial for our mother's
11:48well-being.
11:49Oh, okay.
11:49So, a double glazed automated skylight is crucial for our mother's well-being.
11:52Natural light raises vitamin D, Arthur, which you would know maintains cognitive health.
11:56Okay.
11:56And what about the mosaic stone flooring in the bathroom?
11:59So she doesn't slip.
12:00Oh, really?
12:01All right.
12:02What about the Famuzzi 200 bottle dual zone wine cabinet with 50% humidifier?
12:07Okay, Sherlock.
12:08Which one of us spent 12 years studying medicine, and who took six gap years before doing a diploma
12:13in creative writing?
12:14It was a Bachelor of Journalism.
12:15Same thing.
12:16My point is, I'm protecting our mother, so unless you want more calls or more falls,
12:21I'd suggest you just step back and let the grown-ups work.
12:25This place is going to turn into a construction site.
12:27Which is exactly why mum will come and stay with me for a few weeks just like you've wanted.
12:31What?
12:33But what about me?
12:34Where will I stay?
12:35Last time I checked, you're a grown-ass man.
12:37You figure it out.
12:39You know the other good thing about vitamin D, bro?
12:42It's good for your bones.
12:43Maybe we should get a skylight.
12:49Oh, we've got a skylight, Arthur.
12:52It's called outside.
12:54Arms up a bit and out.
12:57Now, it's a big day tomorrow, Arthur.
13:00So no more asking me to help you with things while the knitting group is here.
13:05Every second I spend out of that room is an opportunity for them to say terrible things about me.
13:12And why would they do that?
13:13Oh, it's not called a stitching bitch for nothing, Arthur.
13:17You think eating a hot chip is painful, you should try joining a knitting group.
13:22Why are you hanging out with these women?
13:25Loneliness, Arthur.
13:27It's deadlier than cigarettes and as sneaky as a wee in a pool.
13:31Plus, I've promised 100 prem babies warm heads for winter.
13:38That's why I need you to help me with printing tomorrow.
13:41Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
13:42It's 2025.
13:43You can't just print something out.
13:45Printing requires hours of preparation.
13:47It's only a page.
13:49That's even worse.
13:50It means I'm going to have to go to some stationary megacentre and set up an account so I can upload
13:55the files to a portal.
13:57But don't we own a printer?
13:58Yeah, and then the magenta ran out and we put it into the cupboard and that is where it will stay
14:03until the sun cools and the oceans freeze.
14:05Oh, Arthur, boy, what's gotten into you?
14:10I'm sorry, Mum.
14:11I just, what if my wrists never heal properly?
14:15Well, I know some other body parts that wouldn't mind the downtime.
14:22Mum, I'm serious.
14:25I spend all day every day on Slack groups with Gen Z workmates who think I'm weird because I don't
14:32think mumbling is music or, you know, because I never talk about my anxiety.
14:37But I don't know, maybe that means I am old.
14:41Maybe I did have a fall.
14:45Oh, my poor little precious Arthur.
14:51Aren't you about to eat a hot chip on camera?
14:57Tomorrow?
14:58Yes.
14:59See, I don't know one old person who would ever broadcast their mistakes so publicly.
15:08Thanks, Mum.
15:09Now, you go kiss yourself to death, eh?
15:12Oh, my God.
15:13Oh, my God.
15:14Oh, my God.
15:15Get away.
15:20Listen up, ladies.
15:22There were premature triplets born yesterday, which means the delivery of our beanies is
15:27more crucial now than ever.
15:29I pray you've all printed up the patterns like I asked you.
15:34Excellent front line.
15:37And you, Maggie?
15:40Well, yes.
15:41Yes, it's getting there.
15:42The babies will be as big as Arthur by the time you're finished.
15:49Oh, Arthur.
15:51Look, it's for you.
15:56Oh, well, I mean, it's...
15:59Look at him.
16:00He's speechless.
16:01Yeah.
16:02Yeah.
16:04I know what you're thinking, Arthur.
16:05You do?
16:06You know what he's thinking?
16:07You're thinking, how does she knit so quickly?
16:09Well, I'll tell you, Arthur.
16:11I knit in my sleep.
16:13It's true.
16:14I've seen it.
16:15And you know what?
16:16Speaking of sleep, I just can't wait for the cooler months so that I can wear this to bed.
16:23Oh, don't be silly, Arthur.
16:25The hole in the ceiling, it's providing a beautiful draft.
16:30In fact, Arthur loves this so much, he wants to wear it now.
16:36You don't have to, Arthur.
16:38Not everyone understands the elegance of the stockinette stitch.
16:41Oh, of course he doesn't have to.
16:43He wants to.
16:46Yes, I do.
16:48Thank you, Mum.
16:48Hmm.
16:50Quick word, Mum.
16:52What is it, Arthur?
16:54I've only left the room for one second and my ears are already burning.
16:58Mum, I can't put that on.
17:00Oh, here.
17:01Put your arms up.
17:02I'll help you.
17:03No, no, I can't put it on at all.
17:05That cardigan ages me about 20 years.
17:07My audience would destroy me.
17:09What audience?
17:10That's mean, Mum.
17:11True, but mean.
17:13Seriously, Arthur?
17:15What audience?
17:16For the chip challenge, Mum!
17:20Now, help me open this packet.
17:22I can't do it with the twisting motion.
17:25Oh, one chip.
17:27Shrinkflation is out of control.
17:31There you go.
17:35All right, back to the trenches.
17:43Mum.
17:43Give it here.
17:45Give it here.
17:46Hey, it's me, Arthur.
18:11Hello to everyone joining me on the Orange live stream.
18:15We are doing the kiss of death challenge.
18:18That's right.
18:19You know the deal.
18:20World's hottest corn chip.
18:21No water.
18:22Five minutes.
18:23Can I do it?
18:24Let's kick the devil's ass.
18:26Please feel free to comment below.
18:28I can see a few comments coming in already.
18:31At Milky Dan saying, what the hell is up with your cardigan?
18:34Thank you, at Milky Dan.
18:36You look like one of Santa's unemployed elves.
18:39Okay.
18:40Thank you very much.
18:41Anna Gigi has got a proper question.
18:45She says, why are you doing this?
18:48Good question, Anna.
18:51Why are you doing this?
18:53Why am I doing this?
18:56Um, because, Anna Gigi, because sometimes you need a wake-up call.
19:13Mm.
19:14Hmm.
19:16Hmm.
19:17Hmm.
19:18Hmm.
19:19Hmm.
19:20Yep.
19:22Holy shot.
19:23Uh.
19:24Holy sh...
19:35Oh, I can't build my venue.
19:48And he's all done.
19:50What?
19:57No.
19:59No, this can't be happening.
20:04No!
20:05Why, why?
20:06Why, why?
20:07Why, why?
20:09Why?
20:10Why?
20:11Why?
20:12Great news, Arthur.
20:13I found a printer.
20:14Why?
20:15Why?
20:16Oh, yeah, you need a wife, but this printer needs cyan.
20:19Hey, Arthur, is that why I don't believe it?
20:21What?
20:22What?
20:23Water.
20:24Water.
20:25Young people and their water.
20:27Honestly, when you're growing up, you drink tea or wine or whiskey.
20:32And, you know, sometimes, depending on who made it, you're drinking straight.
20:36What?
20:37Oh, Arthur, the water's being turned off.
20:49The handsome builder wants to check the pipes before they start on the ceiling.
20:54Oh.
20:56Oh!
20:57Oh!
20:58Oh!
20:59Oh!
21:00Oh!
21:01Oh!
21:02Oh!
21:03Oh!
21:04Oh!
21:05Oh!
21:06Oh!
21:07Oh!
21:08Oh!
21:09Oh!
21:10Oh!
21:11Oh!
21:12Look in red, Arthur.
21:13Are you so mad?
21:14And the vitamin D.
21:15See?
21:45Oh, Arthur, the ladies don't like this flavour.
22:04Please don't buy it again.
22:06She gave me the kiss of death.
22:09Arthur, that's a problem with your generation, all these fandangled flavours.
22:14You know, when I was growing up, we just had salt.
22:17They can't taste that bad.
22:19No, Mum, stop!
22:21Oh!
22:22Oh!
22:23Oh!
22:24Oh!
22:25Oh!
22:26Oh!
22:27What do you want?
22:28Help!
22:29What?
22:30Oh!
22:31Oh!
22:32Oh!
22:33Norell is saying head-warmer.
22:36Oh, even when you're going through the fire, you still want to knit.
22:42You are an inspiration.
22:45Oh!
22:49Oh, no!
22:52Oh!
22:53Oh, no!
22:55Oh!
22:56That's all good there.
22:57Here's your invoice.
22:58Still a bit of water on the floor.
22:59Don't forget to clean that up.
23:00Ooh, OK.
23:01That's all good there.
23:06Here's your invoice.
23:07Still a bit of water on the floor.
23:09Don't forget to clean that up.
23:10Oh, OK.
23:24How's the knitting going, Mum?
23:26Are Narelle and the girls going to be coming back today?
23:29Ah, I won't be seeing those ladies.
23:32Because you almost killed them.
23:34Because I've left the group.
23:36I knitted the head warmer just like they asked
23:39and they said it was obscene.
23:45I'm sorry, Mum.
23:46I know I distracted you.
23:48Oh, don't be silly.
23:49You saved me from making a huge mistake.
23:53Yeah, from almost eating the kiss of death.
23:55No, from joining that knitting group.
23:57What a vile bunch of women.
23:59What about you?
24:01Didn't you have some work thing you had to do?
24:05Um, well, yeah, you didn't exactly go to plan.
24:08But the brand is stoked.
24:10The video of your knitting group almost dying
24:12has gone bonkers online.
24:13Plus, the face that I was pulling when the live stream froze
24:17has kind of been shared as a meme around the office.
24:19So apparently I'm helping boost team morale.
24:22Oh, see, it's not just me who loves this gorgeous little face.
24:27Oh, Mum.
24:30Hey, Mum.
24:31Mm?
24:32You know the other morning when you called me by accident
24:35instead of the radio station?
24:36Mm?
24:37You said your answer was me, Arthur.
24:40Mm?
24:42Well, what was the question?
24:43The question was, what can't you live without?
24:54Really?
24:55No.
24:56Oh, look, maybe.
24:57I can't remember, Arthur.
25:02Robbie in the building!
25:05How am I right or die's going?
25:07I'll take option B.
25:09A, here is the invoice for the ceiling.
25:11And here's a chair, and here's the door.
25:13What's your point?
25:14You said you would pay.
25:15For a facelift.
25:16But all I saw was the same old ceiling.
25:18Anyway, I just came by to give your moon boot back
25:21and to let you know you need a stylist, baby bro.
25:24That cardigan you wore in your life was hideous.
25:27I was thinking exactly the same thing.
25:30I know.
25:31Bye, Mama Bear.
25:32Love you.
25:33Mm.
25:37Ah!
25:38Oh!
25:40Oh!
25:41I'll go get the moon boot.
25:46Oh!
25:47Oh!
25:52What the hell is this?
25:54It looks like you're trying to solve a triple homicide.
25:56Arthur?
25:57Oh, Arthur, you're messing up my box step.
26:00Do the robot.
26:01Or the worm.
26:03Unbelievable!
26:04You have everybody else doing all of the work for your party.
26:07It's not my party!
26:08The chiffon drapes go over the arch.
26:11I want that timber arch looking like Julia's goddamn Caesar.
26:14No!
26:14No!
26:14No!
26:15No!
26:15No!
26:15No!
26:16No!
26:16No!
26:17No!
26:17No!
26:18So this is gonna be a night to remember.
26:20This is going to be a night to remember.
26:21Everybody wants someone to stay
26:24Everybody wants someone to stay
26:31Everybody wants someone to stay
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