- 2 days ago
- #realitytvdeep
Mother & Son (2023) Season 2 Episode 6
#RealityTVDeep
#RealityTVDeep
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Mum? Mum? Mum? Mum? Mum? Mum, what are you doing? I'm driving.
00:30Who are you? Gotcha.
00:36That's not funny, Mum. I had business to do.
00:40And it took so long I expected you to emerge with grey hair and wrinkles.
00:45I've had stomach problems ever since I had that spicy chip.
00:48Oh, I know. There's crepe paper thicker than the walls in our house.
00:52You shouldn't have to use a toilet brush every time.
00:55Can we just go, please, Mum?
00:57Alright.
01:00Nice of you to join us.
01:07Sorry, we're late. I had a few loose ends. I had to...
01:10Arthur had to poo. Mum?
01:12Still, you've had a bad run, brother.
01:14Bad runs? Plural.
01:16Mum! Why are you dressed in all black? You're going to a New Zealand rugby game.
01:20If you must know, I've been at a funeral.
01:22Finally mourning the death of your morals.
01:23One of my regulars, Arthur. Bowel cancer. Young one too. Run your age.
01:29Okay, that sucks.
01:30It's awful. Just awful. It's a huge chunk of our income that...
01:33will be missed by many. Anyway...
01:40It's a bit big, isn't it?
01:53Mum, it's your 70th birthday. You deserve big.
01:57Robbie, I was just wanting something low key. This all feels too much.
02:02Well, you won't have to fill the whole place yourself. It'll be a joint party.
02:07A joint party? Oh, I used to go to a few of those back in my uni days.
02:11But quite frankly, my incapacity...
02:14No! It'll be a joint birthday party. You and Arthur. Together.
02:21What? Don't drag me into this.
02:24That could be really nice, Arthur. And you have been moping a bit recently.
02:29Besides, your father promised me a big celebration whenever I hit a milestone.
02:35Unfortunately, he hit a big gravestone first.
02:42Looks like we're having a joint party.
02:44Yes! Yes!
02:45Now, here are the details for the deposit.
02:47What? Why the hell am I paying?
02:49It's your party. Now, before I forget, some cupcakes for you to sample.
02:55Try them all, tell me which one you like the most, and I'll have a big one made for the party.
03:00Mmm, this might be a you job, Mum.
03:02I thought every day was a cheat day for Arthur Boy.
03:04Yeah, the stomach is still acting up a little bit.
03:06Get that shit checked out, baby bro.
03:08Pun intended, bowel cancer is no joke.
03:11It devastates families and local businesses.
03:14Bye.
03:19Is it weird that I want to be friends with all of those poos?
03:30Well, number four is obviously the healthiest, but he looks like someone who would humble brag about his investment portfolio.
03:36Number six looks like the type of poo you'd end up at a stranger's kick on with, just having mad D&Ms.
03:42I'm undecided about number three.
03:44I feel like no room would be the right temperature for her.
03:49Ah, you missed your birthday.
03:51Oh, yes I did.
03:53Ah, I actually did that on purpose.
03:55Yeah, I'm still trying to decide what it should be.
03:57Oh, so this is what straight male privilege looks like?
04:00Yeah.
04:01Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:02You know, my mind says 1980s, but my heart says 1990s.
04:04Well, the hairline says 1960s.
04:06Oh, my God.
04:08What?
04:09No.
04:10I...
04:11That was unreasonably savage.
04:13I'm not sure why I said that.
04:14Yeah.
04:15I am so sorry.
04:16Damage done.
04:17That's...
04:18Oh, my God.
04:19I can't believe you said that.
04:21I like bald.
04:22My ex was bald.
04:23Hey, you're making this worse.
04:25Oh, my God.
04:27Okay, your actual birthday.
04:29Yeah, yeah.
04:30I'm gonna write it down so that no one else can hear me
04:33and roast me for it.
04:35My God.
04:41Huh.
04:42It's soon.
04:44Doing anything special?
04:45Well, let's just say that a certain local community hall
04:48just received a shipment of butterscotch lollies
04:51because me and my 70-year-old mum are having a joint
04:54birthday party.
04:55Hmm.
04:56Sounds lit.
04:57I'll be expecting an invite.
04:59Yeah.
05:04Yeah, I'm telling you, mum, my riz game was on point.
05:08I don't know what riz is, Arthur, but I don't think you
05:11should be playing with it.
05:12It's riz, mum.
05:14Never mind.
05:15What are you doing?
05:16I'm on Facebook.
05:17Do you know the new phone tower at the airport is making me infertile?
05:22Please close that up, mum.
05:23Oh, I can't.
05:24I'm putting together an intimate list of everyone I want to invite to the party.
05:29I know you want it low-key, so I'm trying to be very selective.
05:35Aw, thanks, mum.
05:36Means a lot.
05:37Should we invite Susan?
05:38Susan who?
05:39Susan Mortimer-Nee Stanley.
05:41I've never seen that woman in my life.
05:42Neither have I.
05:43How did she get on my Facebook?
05:44I don't know.
05:45If you don't want her, then just delete it.
05:46You just liked her photo.
05:47I'm congratulating her on her pregnancy.
05:48Obviously, those phone towers aren't that strong.
05:49Now, should I add cute nurse to the party list?
06:06Her name is Rona.
06:08And a yes.
06:09Oh.
06:10Yeah, there were definitely vibes.
06:12Oh, I'm so glad you're optimistic about your news.
06:15You're optimistic about your new crush, Arthur.
06:17Yeah.
06:18Considering the next time you see her, you'll be handing her a jar of your own poo.
06:23What an icebreaker.
06:25What?
06:26Surely I don't have to literally hand her my poo?
06:30Isn't there like a tub or a basket or a pigeon hole or something?
06:33Arthur, I do not like you questioning my memory.
06:37I know what you do with a stool sample.
06:40You march in there and you hand it straight to the nurse at the front desk.
06:44You poor boy.
06:45I've done this a hundred times.
06:46I'll show you how it's done.
06:47Come on.
06:48Why have you got so many specimen jars?
06:49Well, I like to use them for spices.
06:50Now, come over here and I will show you what to do with this chocolate cupcake.
06:54So, you just dig deep, getting a really nice fat blob about the size of a cherry.
06:55And then Bob's your uncle into the fridge, until drop off.
06:56So, you just dig deep, getting a really nice fat blob about the size of a cherry.
07:02Come over here and I will show you what to do with this chocolate cupcake.
07:09So you just dig deep, getting a really nice fat blob about the size of a cherry.
07:20And then Bob's your uncle. Into the fridge it goes until drop-off time.
07:25Or in this case...
07:27Mum! That's the poop scoop!
07:31Grow up, Arthur. These things are more sterile than spoons.
07:36Oh, mmm. Put a mark inside the chocolate panache.
07:40It is absolutely delicious.
07:43Mm-mm. Lick.
07:44No. I've got... things to do.
07:48Well, I'm saving this for later.
07:52Mm. Mm.
08:01Well, the stool has been sampled, and you're like a hundred million trillion percent sure that there's no, like, shoot or hatch or drop box I'm supposed to put this in?
08:14What happened to that little boy who used to waltz proudly into the lounge room and tell everyone he'd just done a poo?
08:32He turned four?
08:34He turned four?
08:35Hand it over with confidence, Arthur.
08:37Show that beautiful woman you are not shy of your body or what it's capable of.
08:44And then what?
08:45Well, then nothing.
08:46If there's a problem, they'll give you a call.
08:48Otherwise, life's standing. Now, pop it in the fridge, please.
08:55Wait, Mum?
08:56Mm?
08:57What are all these names doing on your list? Oh, my God!
09:00You invited the nurse, so now I have to invite Dr Varsh. No, I mean, he's our family. Doctor has been for 30 years. And his wife is in my Zumba class.
09:11What happened to low-key?
09:12Well, you opened the floodgates, Arthur. I'm just riding that wave. This is going to be a night to remember.
09:30One, two, three. One, two, three. Oh, Arthur, you're messing up my box stick. Now, just watch me. It's one, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three.
09:48Mum, can I just remind you that you wanted a low-key affair, and now you're treating us like an Austrian ball?
09:53Great idea! We can learn the vina balsa next.
09:57No, Mum, we shouldn't even do a dance, OK? Low-key should mean low-key.
10:03You're right, Arthur. I guess I'm just missing your father. He always promised that we'd dance the night away on any occasion.
10:14And now he's up there doing the foxtrot with the angels.
10:22No, look, Mum, you know, of course we can dance.
10:25Yes!
10:26It's just, why don't we think outside the box? And do the robot. Or the worm.
10:32That's the spirit.
10:34I'm going to go take a drinks break. You practice doing the splits.
10:40I can't do the splits.
10:43I can't help but notice that these invitations include a voucher for 10% off your first consultation at your cosmetic clinic, Robbie. What the hell?
10:57These invites are going to every 70-year-old in the suburb, Arthur. A girl's gotta eat.
11:11Your stupid voucher has cut off the street number for the address. Now it just says Wooden Horse Road.
11:16Wooden Horse Road goes into the thousands. How's anyone going to find the place?
11:19They had one job. Give them to me.
11:28I'm keeping this one.
11:31Hmm. Who is she?
11:33Who says it's for a girl?
11:35Name one of your friends, Arthur.
11:37Fine. It's for Rona.
11:39That baddie at Dr. Veshner's office. Oh, punching up baby bro, I love it.
11:44Yeah, well, I'm about to drop a cup of my own poo directly into her hands, so I'm pretty sure all vibes will be well and truly flushed. Pun intended.
11:51You know what you should do? A drive-by. Literally, just throw the sample through the clinic doors and keep on walking.
11:57They'll just think the pathology nurse dropped it.
12:00That's ridiculous.
12:03So ridiculous that it might just work.
12:09The passively thing you can see is the pathutar.
12:13That's ridiculous.
12:15How's your plan are Als다�ák 이야기를 as a girl who knows how to get theyity of her family.
12:22She's come from over and over.
12:23She should never let me say the sub- iyi sandwiches.
12:28Yea?
12:31What about your plan?
12:32I wish I learned.
12:33This is what you want.
12:35So I don't know..
12:37So I should stop making a challenge so...
12:39Oh, come on.
12:52Arthur.
12:53Oh. Hello.
12:56Did you want me to put this in the lost and found?
12:59That? I don't know. What is it?
13:03Uh, it literally has your name on it.
13:06In my handwriting, that is a coincidence.
13:11Were you just going to leave your stool sample here for me to find?
13:15I don't know. I've never had to hand someone something like this before.
13:19I didn't know what to do.
13:21Don't worry. If I had a dollar for everyone who tried to dump and dash,
13:25I'd have one dollar.
13:28I did actually want to give you something.
13:32Please tell me you don't have a urine sample back there.
13:35I didn't know whether you were joking the other day about, you know,
13:38when we were here and I just...
13:41Would you like to come to my birthday party?
13:44I'm having flashbacks to grade three.
13:48Will there be an ice cream cake?
13:50Double choc and ash, actually, at this stage.
13:53I'll see what I can do.
13:57Yeah, cool.
14:02Oh, it's, um, it's number two, by the way.
14:06I know.
14:07Oh, no, the...the address.
14:10Not the...yeah, no, it's number two Wooden Hospital Road.
14:13We...when you pull it, the thingy comes off and...
14:17Never mind.
14:18Number two.
14:20I won't forget it.
14:21Yes.
14:30Mum?
14:33Arthur, what's wrong?
14:35Well, I just got a missed call from...
14:37What the hell is this?
14:39It's my seating chart for the party.
14:42What?
14:43It looks like you're trying to solve a triple homicide.
14:45Well, let me tell you, the dramas that have gone on
14:48within this friendship network over the years...
14:51Honestly, Arthur, I can't keep track.
14:53One mistake here and we might end up needing a real detective.
14:57We don't even need a seating plan, Mum.
15:00Repeat after me.
15:01Low key, remember?
15:03Arthur, they're gonna need somewhere to sit during speeches.
15:06Speeches?
15:07Yes, Arthur, speeches.
15:10I told you, I want this to be a night to remember.
15:15Now, why the long face?
15:17Well, I just missed a call from the doctor and I'm...nervous.
15:21Oh, you're probably fine.
15:22But call them back right away.
15:24Trust me, if it's bad news,
15:26you wanna know sooner rather than later.
15:33Liz?
15:34To what do we owe the pleasure?
15:36Arthur, lovely to see you out of trackpads for once.
15:39These are for you.
15:42Disposable smorks.
15:45Tell me you're joking.
15:47Oh, she wanted splays.
15:50You don't understand what this means.
15:53Uh, you're right, I don't.
15:55Arthur, I just watched your sister produce a grown man to tears
15:58in a print shop and what.
15:59Now I have to go back and report that our cutlery
16:01is not hard cheese appropriate.
16:03Yeah, look, that all sounds way above my pay grade.
16:07So, um, good luck with that.
16:09And I guess I'll be seeing you at the party.
16:11Arthur!
16:15Robbie is at breaking point.
16:17I haven't seen her this stressed since the ATO asked her
16:19to itemise her entertainment expenses.
16:21Oh, it must be nice to earn enough money to pay taxes.
16:24She already has enough on her plate.
16:26Well, maybe she should stop entertaining so much.
16:30Now, if you don't mind, Liz, I've kind of got other things to worry about.
16:33I would say that the last thing she needs right now
16:35is to be running around like a hoseless firefighter
16:37trying to organise your birthday party.
16:39It's not my party!
16:41Is it not?
16:42Well, then why don't we have a three-tiered cake in my house, Arthur,
16:44with your name on it?
16:45Unless, of course, there is some other Maggie and Arthur out there.
16:47No, I'm pretty sure we're the only ones to have ever existed.
16:49Speaking of which, where is Maggie?
16:50She's in the sunroom doing the seating plan.
16:53Unbelievable!
16:55You have everybody else doing all of the work for your party!
16:58It's not my party!
17:00Stop running from your responsibilities, Arthur.
17:02They will keep on biting you in the arse.
17:20You!
17:21What's your name again?
17:23Rupert, for real?
17:24What are you, like 80?
17:25Yes.
17:26Oh, you are.
17:27Alright, well, listen, Rupert.
17:29The chiffon drapes go over the arch.
17:31I want that timber arch looking like Julius goddamn Caesar.
17:34No, not like that!
17:36What?
17:37Do you better!
17:38Useless amateurs!
17:40I don't know why you don't just answer your phone, Arthur.
17:45Because I'm scared, Mum.
17:46I don't want bad news before the party.
17:48It'll throw my riz game way off, and I can't afford to have off-riz today.
17:52Oh, that reminds me.
17:53We need to clean out our fridge.
17:55It's been a while since I've felt this excited about anyone, okay?
17:58I need to do everything I can to impress this girl.
18:00Cake is in the house!
18:02Oh, it's beautiful!
18:07Marzipan flowers and edible linens.
18:10And look!
18:11A little cake top of you both!
18:13Oh!
18:14Just when I didn't think I could love you more.
18:17It's perfect, Roberta.
18:20Mum, what is this?
18:23Well, it's a cake.
18:25The thing on top, the two people.
18:27That's us, Arthur.
18:29Oh, you look so cute in your little tux.
18:32Now, come on.
18:33We'd better get going.
18:34The guests will be here.
18:36Let's practice in advance.
18:37We can learn the pain of all for next.
18:40This is going to be a night to remember.
18:44Oh, my God.
18:49This isn't a party.
18:50What do you mean, Arthur?
18:52It's a wedding!
18:54I knew this was a bad idea!
19:03It's all too much!
19:04All of it!
19:05Never should have said yes to this!
19:07Oh, a low-key affair.
19:08Yeah, I should have known.
19:09I should have known.
19:10That nothing in this world can be low-key with you, Mum!
19:12Nothing!
19:13You always take things too friggin' far!
19:17I am not marrying my own mother!
19:20Of...
19:26The fondant.
19:27Arthur.
19:28Oh, my God.
19:29You just scuffed the fondant!
19:31Do you have any idea how difficult it was to get a mixed-race cake topper in the eastern suburbs?
19:39I ordered supplies for you, people!
19:41Mummy, no!
19:42Oh, my God!
19:43Oh, my God!
19:44Oh, no!
19:45No, we can save it!
19:46Oh, my God!
19:47I don't have to save it!
19:48None of you!
19:49None of you'd understand how hard I run!
19:51None of you appreciate me!
19:53Oh, for God's sake, Roberta!
19:56Pull yourself together!
19:58You're not the first woman to have gone through the change, and you will not be the last!
20:07The change?
20:09Oh, yeah.
20:11That makes a lot of sense.
20:13A lot of sense.
20:15You remembered.
20:16How could I forget?
20:17I was gonna say that you're early, but the family drama has well and truly kicked off.
20:31My sister just destroyed a cake, and I accused my mum of trying to marry me.
20:36Well, throw in a pokey-addicted auntie who blames all of her siblings for the destruction of her marriage, and you've got yourself every family Christmas I can remember.
20:44I got you voicemails.
20:45Mm-hmm.
20:46I've just been a bit, uh, scared to call you back.
20:56Um, my dad kind of died out of nowhere, and I'm just, like, super paranoid it's gonna happen to me any minute.
21:03Uh, so just, you know, hit me with it straight.
21:10Is it the big C?
21:12Unfortunately, it is the big C.
21:15It's chocolate.
21:16Or cake.
21:17Whichever one you choose.
21:18Both were in your sample.
21:19Oh.
21:20Oh.
21:21Oh.
21:22Oh.
21:23Oh, my God.
21:24No, I-I-I think my real sample is still in the fridge.
21:36We did this tasting and...
21:38Of cake.
21:39Not...
21:40Oh, my God.
21:41No!
21:42Yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:43Well, consider this your birthday present.
21:46Drop it off whenever you can into the proper return box this time.
21:51Yeah.
21:54So, are you gonna stick around for the party?
21:57I have a dinner to get to.
21:59Yeah.
22:00With my auntie, actually.
22:02Drama incoming.
22:06Well, maybe we could do something non-Poo related another time.
22:10Maybe.
22:12We should.
22:29Love.
22:30Sure.
22:35Sorry for accusing you of making this a wedding. Okay. I just I got a shock. That's all I
22:42Just wanted to make it a night to remember
22:48Because my time of remembering things feels like it's running out
22:59It doesn't mean you have to leave well, that's the problem Arthur I can't believe
23:05You know I came out here, and I thought about the evening
23:11But then I sat in the car
23:17And I forgot how to start it what I don't know what happened it was just blank
23:26You know I should remember how to do these things, but I just forget
23:35You know it's a button
23:38That thing there's no key. It's a button
23:42There's a button for everything these days
23:49Party's starting soon we should probably head in didn't you invite half the town
23:53I've got to send them mom
24:00No, oh my god
24:05Well the only person I invited can't come so
24:11Recognize any of these people
24:12Me either I think that Robbie's friends all of them
24:20Should we just bail on our own party?
24:27Why are you asking me to alone oh gross mom
24:32But kind of
24:35Come on how'd you get I'm driving all right, but wait
24:39Hey to dance I figure we rehearsed it so many times you might as well give it a crack well, don't you mess it up this time
24:59Stop it
25:01I
25:03I
25:05I
25:07I
25:09I
25:11I
25:13I
25:15I
25:17I
25:19I
25:21I
25:23I
25:25I
25:27I
25:29I
25:31I
25:33I
25:35I
25:37I
25:39I
25:41I
25:51I
25:53I
25:55I
25:57I
25:59I
26:01I
26:03I
26:05I
26:07I
26:09I
26:11I
26:13I
26:15I
26:17I
26:19I
26:21I
26:23I
26:25I
26:33I
26:35I
26:37I
26:39I
26:41I
26:43I
26:45I
26:47I
26:49I
26:51I
26:53I
26:55I
26:57I
27:11I
27:13I
27:15I
27:17I
27:19I
27:21I
27:23I
27:25I
27:27I
27:29I
27:31I
27:33I
27:35I
27:37I
27:39I
27:41I
27:43I
27:45I
27:47I
27:49I
27:51I
27:53I
27:55I
27:57I
27:59I
28:01I
28:03I
28:05I
28:07I
28:09I
28:11I
28:13I
28:15I
28:17I
28:19I
28:21I
28:23I
28:25I
28:27I
28:29I
28:31I
28:33I
28:35I
Recommended
27:03
|
Up next
27:07
26:41
24:28
26:16
2:03
0:15
0:25
0:13
0:31
46:48
46:41
46:45
47:29
Be the first to comment