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Mother & Son (2023) Season 2 Episode 3
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00:00Another hat, Martha. Haven't you got enough hats already?
00:11Yes, but I've hit a new level of bald, Mum, so what I'm spending on hats I'm saving on sunscreen for my poor exposed scalp.
00:18Oh, my hats are a con, Arthur. You lure in some woman and then, ta-da!
00:24She's got to find some polite way to back out of the situation.
00:28Yeah, well, with the way my dating life is going, if anyone's taking off any items of clothing at all, I'm considering that third base.
00:36Hello, Maggie's Marina, your dreamboat speaking.
00:41What? Oh, no. Oh, that's terrible.
00:47Yes, yes, of course I'll give you my account number. 20403812.
00:55Oh, yes, I'll check. What's my birthday?
00:57No, no. Why did you hang up? That was the bank telling me I've been scammed.
01:03Mum, anyone who's calling you telling you you've been scammed is most likely a scammer, OK?
01:07If you've actually been scammed, the bank will contact you.
01:11Well, the bank did contact me. Yeah, but that wasn't the bank.
01:14How do you know?
01:16I don't.
01:28Look, Arthur, there's Benny. I haven't bought his mag for a while. Have you got any cash?
01:34Oh, yeah, because I'm in my pocket, actually, next to my sundial and my CD collection.
01:38Mum, it's 2025. Of course I don't have cash.
01:40Maggie!
01:42Arthur.
01:44He's the man who works harder than the son.
01:46Care factor.
01:47Oh, I do care. A lot, Benny, but I just don't have any cash on me.
01:52Spend it all on Arthur's hats, did we?
01:55Feels like a cheap shot, Benny, but sure.
01:57Everything's cashless these days.
01:59Not me, Maggie. Cash is king.
02:01OK?
02:02Well, if cash is king, I'm your queen.
02:05Very kind of you, Your Majesty.
02:08Yes, very kind of you, Mum.
02:10So, unfortunately, Benny, next time we see you, we'll grab a copy then.
02:14No, not next time.
02:15Now, you wait here, Arthur, in case he sells out.
02:18I'll be back in a jiffy with some cash.
02:20Thanks, Maggie.
02:35Excuse me.
02:38Where is it?
02:39Where's what?
02:40Oh, you know, it was right here.
02:42I didn't see nothing.
02:44No.
02:45You saw nothing, or you didn't see anything.
02:49Which is it?
02:50Neither.
02:51Both.
02:52I don't know.
02:53God, stranger danger.
03:01You got great hair, Benny.
03:03You are not the first person to tell me that, Arthur.
03:07I'm serious, bro.
03:08It's so floppy, you know.
03:09I wish mine flopped like that.
03:10It's a work of art.
03:14You on the magic beans.
03:16Oh, fee-fi-fo-fum.
03:18Hairplugs and turkey.
03:20Get the heck out.
03:22Yes!
03:23Those are hairplugs?
03:24It cost me ten grand.
03:26I regret every penny.
03:30It's the beginning of the end, Arthur.
03:33When I first came back, you know, I was...
03:36I was a different person, you know.
03:38Co-workers would listen to me.
03:40Girls would smile at me.
03:41Baristas would remember my name.
03:43Oh, man.
03:44I felt like I had the world at my fingertips.
03:47But, you know, I got cocky.
03:51Cheated on my wife.
03:53With a hairdresser.
03:54Can you believe that?
03:55Back when I was getting buzzcasts like you,
03:57I was in and out in ten minutes.
03:58But with this new hair,
03:59she was working on me for hours, you know.
04:03Of course we got close.
04:06My wife cracked it.
04:07She left.
04:08Kids.
04:09They stopped visiting me on the weekends.
04:10They blamed me.
04:11Of course it just spiralled, didn't it?
04:14You know.
04:15Rode the bull ride.
04:16Fell off.
04:17Leveraged everything.
04:18Lost it all.
04:19In a dark, dark place, Arthur.
04:25Look.
04:26After all, I can tell you,
04:27it's not about how much hair's on your head.
04:33It's about how much hope is in your heart.
04:39Only ten grand, you reckon?
04:43That's incredible.
04:44Arthur.
04:48Arthur, thank God you're still here.
04:50I think the scammers have taken the whole bank.
04:54No, Mum.
04:55You know the branch on Lock Street's closed.
04:57Look, let's just go to a convenience store ATM, okay?
05:00What?
05:01And pay money to get money?
05:02That's a double negative, Arthur.
05:04Look, better luck next time, Benny.
05:05I'm very sorry, okay?
05:06No, not next time.
05:07Now, you are taking me to the nearest bank, Arthur.
05:11Mum, that's all the way over in the centre.
05:13Well, then that's where we're going.
05:15Chop, chop.
05:16And here.
05:17You can keep that as collateral.
05:19That's Mum, my art.
05:21Well, he needs it more than you
05:23to keep all that luscious hair out of his face.
05:27Come on, Arthur.
05:28We'll be back soon with some cash for you.
05:32Well, this might help.
05:35Gear factor.
05:37That's how it all starts, Arthur.
05:39The banks close the ATMs,
05:41put all our money in the cloud,
05:43and before you know it,
05:44the robots have taken over.
05:46Banking is moving online, Mum.
05:48Okay, your money's safer there.
05:50Oh, bulldust.
05:52Back in our day,
05:53the bank was a little secret nook
05:55behind the clock on the mantle,
05:57and nobody ever hacked that.
05:59Oh, well, apart from the occasional swarm of silverfish.
06:02You know, Mum, cash is disgusting.
06:04It's like handing around little toilet bowls to each other.
06:07It's time to go cashless.
06:09Oh, I did cashless, Arthur.
06:11It was called my 20s.
06:13If I wanted to relive that era,
06:15I'd suck on a postage stamp
06:18and stare into the lava lamp for six hours.
06:23$50, please.
06:26Pin number?
06:27Uh, oh, it's 573...
06:30No, Mum, Mum, Mum.
06:32Into the machine.
06:36My son,
06:37he thinks everybody's out to rob pensioners.
06:39Can never be too careful, Mrs Boyne.
06:41Now, before we process that,
06:43I can see your term deposit is about to mature.
06:46Will we just let that rule over again?
06:48Term deposit?
06:49Can you remind me what's in there, please?
07:01$30,000, Mum?
07:03I swear, Arthur,
07:04you would win a world championship in sticky beat.
07:08How do you even have $30,000 just sitting in some rando account?
07:12Oh, my God, please don't tell me you've got an OnlyFans.
07:15In the days before webcams,
07:17there was a mysterious little thing called compound interest
07:21and your father put a week's wage into that account in 1971
07:26and voila, it's now a nest egg.
07:31That ain't no egg.
07:32That's the whole damn ostrich.
07:36Let's go to Turkey, yay.
07:37Oh, let's not.
07:39That money is for a rainy day.
07:41Yeah.
07:42You know what's raining?
07:43My hair all over the floor.
07:44Oh, I know about that, Arthur.
07:46It appears I'm the only one around here who knows how to use a broom.
07:51And I've been running around to the banks all day.
07:54I haven't done most of these errands
07:56and I still have to replace the battery in the mantle clock.
07:59Here we go.
08:00Flights to Turkey, flights to Turkey.
08:03I'll just put it any date, hey?
08:05Will you help someone other than yourself for once?
08:07Your father saved this money for our entire family.
08:10Oh, yeah, yeah.
08:11We can do that tomorrow, Mum.
08:12Oh, for goodness sake, Arthur.
08:14You're not listening to a single word I say.
08:17Hello?
08:18Mum?
08:19Oh, at last.
08:20Someone who loves me.
08:22Sweet treats for my favourite sweetest mother in the world.
08:27Look at these you shouldn't have.
08:29She didn't.
08:31The card here says,
08:32Thanks, Doc, for my wonderful new nose.
08:34Who reads cards?
08:35Let's skip straight to the celebration.
08:38Oh, so you got my text about the term deposit then.
08:41I don't know what you mean.
08:43I've actually come with the most wonderful news.
08:45Good news.
08:46What's the good news?
08:48The best news, Mum.
08:50But let's not get bogged down by all that.
08:52Tell me more about this term deposit.
08:54I'm just trying to wrap my head around the words.
08:56Term deposit.
08:57What does that even mean?
08:58It means $30,000.
09:0030K?
09:02You need to be careful, Mum.
09:04Yes.
09:05So, would either of you be able to drive me around tomorrow
09:09while I do my errands?
09:10There are awful people out there who would do anything
09:12to get their hands on your money.
09:14Some of them are even in this room.
09:16We need to keep this money safe, Mum,
09:18by investing it in something rock solid.
09:20Exactly why I am keeping it in a term deposit.
09:24But today's measly interest rates?
09:26It'll get more growth on the shower flow of a backpackers.
09:28No, I'm thinking something much, much more solid.
09:31Oh.
09:33Go on.
09:34Space camp.
09:35What now?
09:36That's the good news.
09:38Melody got accepted into Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow's
09:41first official space program.
09:43She's going to the USSR.
09:45It's a bit lazy, isn't it?
09:46Oh, the United States Space and Rocket Center in Alabama.
09:49Wait, you won $30,000 for a school excursion
09:52to the banjo capital of the world?
09:54Oh, you cannot put a price on good education, Arthur.
09:57I was talking to a young girl just this morning.
10:00She didn't even know what a bank was.
10:02It's an out-of-this-world opportunity for a future space cadet
10:06to meet her heroes.
10:08Meet her heroes?
10:10Name one astronaut that isn't Neil or Buzz.
10:12You're cock-blocking women in STEM.
10:14She's ten, Robbie.
10:15She needs a trip to the planetarium and a nap.
10:16You keep speaking like that,
10:17and you'll be the one seeing stars in a minute.
10:19No way Mum is funding a 10-year-old's trip to Alabama
10:21when I'm an almost 40-year-old that's never been to Turkey-yay.
10:24What's in Turkey-yay?
10:25Istanbul, I think.
10:28Turkish hairlines.
10:29No, no.
10:30I love the bread.
10:32And you'll get a scalp infection,
10:34and then the scarring will look like the front steps.
10:36Oh, really?
10:37Hey, does Liz know you applied for another credit card
10:39and have maxed that out already, too?
10:41Alright, you want to go there?
10:42Oh, yeah. Let's go.
10:43What have you got hiding in there?
10:44Oh, yeah, well, thank you.
10:45Oh, for goodness sake!
10:48If you think I'm going to roll over like those funds,
10:52you've got another thing coming.
11:09Hello.
11:10Maggie's Fishing Tours.
11:12You're speaking to the one that got away.
11:14Hello, Mrs Boy.
11:15This is Jason from the bank.
11:17Are you aware that your account security has been breached?
11:21Oh, my son hung up on the scammer.
11:24Gee, they're clever, aren't they?
11:26Well, I can help to secure your funds.
11:30I've set up another account for you.
11:32I have the details.
11:33The safest thing to do will be to transfer your money there.
11:37No, I can't do that now.
11:39I've got too many errands.
11:40But you need to do it today, Mrs Boy, or the account may be drained.
11:46My son's out.
11:48And the nearest branch, it's too far to walk.
11:50You know what, Mrs Boy?
11:52You remind me of my mother.
11:53Wonderful lady wouldn't hurt a fly.
11:57I'd be happy to come and pick you up and take you to the bank myself.
12:03Oh, my goodness.
12:05That is wonderful service.
12:14Care factor?
12:15Care factor?
12:16Arthur?
12:17Care factor?
12:18It's at a million, Benny.
12:21Can't afford to go to Turkey, yay, so I decided to see how far my money would go at a hairplugs place here in Australia.
12:26Turns out I can afford about 12 strands.
12:29Bummer.
12:30Yeah.
12:31I don't know if I should, like, spread them out across my head or whether I should just do one single dreadlock out the front.
12:38I'll tell you what, Arthur.
12:39Listen, if you, uh, if you're really down about it, you can always, um, try some powder.
12:46Oh, Benny, I mean, you know, I've been to a few awards nights, but I've never done the hard stuff.
12:51No, no, no, Arthur, Arthur.
12:53Hair powder.
12:54Oh.
12:55Oh.
12:57Oh.
13:25Well, well, well, is that Arthur or Drake?
13:38Oh, keratin thickening fibers, bro. I forgot how good having hair was, man. I feel like a king, brother.
13:44Because of all the jewels in that crown?
13:45Ah, yeah.
13:46Flying first-class degradedness, my G. Goddamn, I feel alive, brother.
13:50Right.
13:51And Arthur, how much you get?
13:53Oh.
13:54I mean, just the ounce, but I came with a little applicator, so...
13:57It's looking strong, sir.
13:58Yeah, don't mind if I do.
13:59Oh, actually, pardon my rudeness.
14:01Puff, puff, pass.
14:02No, no, sir, sir, no, that's fine.
14:04No, just...
14:05But for me, it's just...
14:06No, no judgement, it's just over.
14:08See, now that stuff could ruin lives.
14:11Yeah.
14:12Yeah, I mean, I'm only going to use it when I'm socialising.
14:15Although, I might just give myself a little top-up just before I go home, yeah.
14:26Robbie?
14:27Arthur, please tell me Mum is with you.
14:28No, not with me.
14:29I went to see a man about a wig.
14:30Isn't she with you?
14:31I ducked out for about an hour, came back to a note that says,
14:34Be back soon.
14:35Man from bank is taking me to transfer my money.
14:38Oh, no.
14:40She's being scammed.
14:48Here we are.
14:50Lovely day, isn't it, Mrs. Boy?
14:52Oh, it'd be even more lovely if I had children who cared about me as much as you do, driver.
14:58Well, all of us at your bank care about you, Mrs. Boy,
15:01and you're welcome to thank them all in person just as soon as you've ducked inside
15:06and activated that new account.
15:08Mm-hm.
15:09Just through the doors there.
15:10What was your name again?
15:11Jason, man.
15:12And have you got kids, Jason?
15:14Hmm.
15:15I've got nieces and nephews, Mrs. Boy, and that's enough for me.
15:18Well, there's so many errands to run.
15:21Oh, but could my son Arthur find the time to take me?
15:24Oh, no, no, no.
15:26Too busy.
15:27Too busy.
15:28And yet, here you are, a very busy professional man in your swish suit, and you're driving
15:34me around like lady muck.
15:37More like lady luck today, Mrs. Boy.
15:40Lucky we caught those scammers just in time.
15:42Oh, well, you call me Maggie.
15:44We're friends now, aren't we?
15:46We sure are, Maggie.
15:48Now, these are the account details.
15:51Transfer the phones to keep your money safe.
15:55You won't come in?
15:56I'll just stay here in the car, make sure it's nice and convenient for when you're done.
16:01This is like the getaway vehicle.
16:03Should I put my stockings over my head before I hop out?
16:07Ha!
16:08You're a funny lady, Maggie.
16:10Aww.
16:11Back in a chippy.
16:27Ah!
16:28What?
16:29You look like a werewolf.
16:31Yeah, it's funny, you know, every time I put on more hair I see a part of me that's
16:34still bald.
16:35Like, look at my tongue.
16:37Does my tongue look bald to you?
16:38Ah!
16:39My confidence!
16:40You survived this long without it, Arthur.
16:42Wake up!
16:43Our nest egg is at stake.
16:44Nest egg?
16:45Our mother is in a stranger's car!
16:47That too!
16:55I'm back!
16:59Sorry to keep you waiting so long, Jason, but fashion favours the brave.
17:04Well, I did age a few years, Maggie, but I'm glad to see you're all safe.
17:08Yes.
17:09And the wait was worth it, yes.
17:11I mean, how do you like my new hat and sunglasses?
17:15Is it très chic?
17:16Well, Spanish was never really my strong point.
17:21You did do the bank transfer, didn't you, Maggie?
17:25The bank?
17:26How could I forget the bank?
17:28I feel so silly.
17:30I'll go straight back there now.
17:32But just remind me, I needed the money to pay for the street mag, didn't I?
17:38What?
17:39The new account, Mrs. Boy?
17:42It's very urgent.
17:43The longer your money stays in the old account, the longer you remain vulnerable.
17:48Ah, and we wouldn't want that, would we?
17:51I've just got one more errand to do, and then I'll go straight to the branch.
17:55The transfer, Maggie.
17:56The tran...
17:57Quick, Arthur, we have to save Mum!
18:10I just...
18:11I don't want to displace my hair.
18:12Move it, eight-ball!
18:14Her name is Maggie Boy, she's being scammed, and we're scared the guy's taking all of her
18:19money.
18:20I can't share any customer details.
18:22I'm a doctor.
18:23You can trust me.
18:24She's a cosmetic surgeon.
18:25You absolutely cannot trust her.
18:26But you can trust me.
18:27I'm Maggie's son, Arthur Boy.
18:28I was here with her yesterday, remember?
18:33What a...
18:34Hey!
18:35Ring any bells?
18:39What about now?
18:40You know, I prefer to win bank robbers or butterclovers.
18:43I'm not a bank robber.
18:44I just want all the money in my Mum's bank account right now!
18:47It's incredible they let you out of the house without a lease!
18:49I can't tell you anything about her banking activity.
18:52Okay.
18:54Would a complimentary fox lift open your eyes?
18:58Well, I still couldn't help you, but, um, I'm sure my memory could be jogged if...
19:05Oh, fine, I'll throw in a BBL.
19:08Um, she cleared out the term deposit account.
19:12It's empty.
19:14Empty?
19:15Okay, first things first.
19:19If Mum isn't here, we need to notify the police and tell them to block off her perimeter.
19:24Yeah, we've all listened to a crime podcast, Robbie.
19:26Oh, thank you, Jason.
19:30Mum!
19:31Mum, are you okay?
19:32Yes, of course I am!
19:34She's more than okay.
19:35She's Lady Muck with a letter other than him.
19:38Oh, you!
19:39You stay away from my mother!
19:40Whatever you've done to her, the police are gonna hear about it, yeah?
19:42You're a scammer!
19:43Are you kidding me?
19:44We've been to the butchers, we've been to the post office, she got her nails done!
19:49I've been driving your mother around for the past two hours and all she's done is go shopping!
19:55She's a bloody scammer!
19:57Quick, get him, Arthur!
19:58Why don't you get him?
19:59You're bigger than me!
20:00I have to look after a mother!
20:02Oh, yeah, now you want to look after Mum, right-o.
20:05Mum, did you give him any money?
20:07No!
20:08I thought the drivers got paid through the app!
20:11If you've got time to go to Turkey for your hair plugs, then you've got time to take your mother on her bloody errands!
20:17Yeah?
20:18Yeah?
20:19We'll cop some carrot and fibre!
20:20Yeah?
20:21Smart and poultry!
20:22Yeah!
20:23That is for scamming our seniors, you crumb!
20:26Your money's gone, Mum.
20:28Are you sure you didn't give it to him?
20:29I'm absolutely certain.
20:31Now, would you mind helping me with the shopping?
20:34Wait, Mum!
20:35If you didn't give your money to him, then where is it?
20:39Where's what?
20:42It's not here either.
20:45Let's step through this one more time, Mum.
20:49You went to the bank in the morning while I was still sleeping.
20:51What time was that?
20:52So, any time before 1pm.
20:54Unhelpful, Robbie.
20:56Well, it was before that man called.
20:58Oh, what was his name again?
21:00Gosh, he was so helpful, Arthur.
21:02Then what did you do?
21:04Well, I bought the money straight home.
21:06Of course.
21:07I mean, you don't want to be out in the streets with that much cash, do you?
21:10Oh, you can't trust anyone out there.
21:13We have checked the kitchen cupboards, your bedroom, the laundry, the lounge room.
21:18I even checked the little lint trap thingy in the dryer.
21:21Where is it?
21:22Well, it's not in the kitchen cupboards, my bedroom, the laundry, or the lounge room.
21:31Would be like it.
21:32Just keep looking.
21:38Oh, this is wonderful.
21:40I can cross off, organise the kitchen cupboards, empty the freezer, de-lint the lint trap.
21:47Off my list of chores.
21:49That's great, Mum.
21:50Oh, come on, you two.
21:53Really, all this drama about money, it's driving me up the wall.
21:58It's time to move on.
22:01It's time to move on.
22:03Demand's a clock.
22:12Tempful!
22:13That's right.
22:14I put it in the clock.
22:21Mum, there's no cash here.
22:22It's just papers and a brochure for a Seven Seas resort timeshare.
22:28Well, you said it yourself, Arthur.
22:31You want to travel, and Robbie, you want Melody to be enriched, and I'm on a holiday with my
22:38family every year.
22:40Oh, Mum, what have you done?
22:42You spent it all on that damn resort?
22:44Yep.
22:45We'll be going for two weeks a year, every year, until I die.
22:51I appreciate you and Robbie looking out for my interests, Arthur.
22:57There are elderly people who've been scammed out of all their savings by their very own
23:03children.
23:04Can you imagine?
23:06Look, I just don't think a family holiday is the best way to blow $30,000, Mum.
23:10Oh, you might meet a nice lady, Arthur.
23:12Well, I'm not going to meet any women when I have no hair, am I?
23:15Oh, nonsense.
23:16Just put on a hat, or you should buy a new one for the resort.
23:20Maggie!
23:21Maggie!
23:22Arthur!
23:23Not a care in the world, Benny.
23:26And here's your cash, like I promised.
23:30I don't accept cash anymore.
23:32Card?
23:38Who are you supposed to be?
23:39The rejected member of our cast?
23:42Oh, Heather's coming to stay.
23:44We will not be muted.
23:46What are you suggesting we do, Maggie?
23:48Something crazy.
23:50You're protesting.
23:51Wait, Maggie!
23:52No.
23:53No!
23:54No!
23:55Stop!
23:56You are coming off of this tree!
23:57Gosh, you look like your dad when you get sweaty.
24:00Bam.
24:01What is that?
24:03You're doomed, brother.
24:05Doomed.
24:06Haaaaaah!
24:08everybody wants someone to stay
24:10.
24:15everybody wants someone to stay
24:18.
24:23Everybody wants someone to stay
24:24.
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