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Mother & Son (2023) Season 2 Episode 1
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00:00is everybody ready blindfolds off in three we should never have let mom choose a hotel
00:09you can already tell this resort is gonna be one amazing are we all ready to have seven days of
00:20family pal in the sun and you thought I couldn't make a simple holiday reservation well something
00:30tells me the travel agent did a lot of the heavy lifting maybe but it was me who made the custom
00:36t-shirts all by myself now come on let's go
00:50such a beautiful resort this seems tacky and out of place oh don't be so hard on yourself I was
01:03talking about the mirror whoa hey now remember this is my holiday two years you have to be hands-on
01:09with mom sure that's when I'm not being hands-on with my wife just let me tell you luxury resorts
01:14are my oysters gross guess who got us a free upgrade and that's why I put a ring on it upgrade
01:22how'd you get that I don't know Jenny the resort manager must have enjoyed my thorough reading of
01:27the fire safety plan I'll show Jenny a safety plan well now I know who to be nice to
01:35hmm did you just see her shoot deathies at me I think Jenny hates me oh yeah Jenny hates you
01:47because she didn't give you the keys to the presidential suite even though you smiled at
01:50her get over yourself where are the kids here's your key answer how come Robbie gets her own room
02:00and I don't oh when you get a wife and kids I'll get you a whole hotel until then not wasting the
02:07money well I'm hardly gonna meet my next sweet thing when I'm bunking in with you am I this isn't
02:12love island Arthur under no circumstances do I want to be retiring to our room for the night just to
02:20find a sock on the door and all those grunts and groaning sounds coming from within this holiday is
02:27about spending time with family oh sorry excuse my waylessness must have got lost in your beautiful
02:36blue eyes does that line ever work you'd be surprised but I see I'm gonna have to up my game
02:43yes you are if you don't want me to vote you off the island
02:48are you just going to stand there where's my manners your private charter awaits
02:55oh I've been warned not to accept rides from strangers allow me to introduce myself Ronaldo
03:02oh my official title is activities director but that reminds me of my father call me the fun captain
03:12well I am here for fun
03:15captain what the hell is going on it's my duty to ensure you enjoy yourself oh then let me drive the buggy
03:26I'm afraid that's off limits and besides you have to be over 21 to drive it
03:34trust me young lady place like this the fun is where you
03:42I suppose you're just gonna lie there for the next seven days mum please this holiday is gonna
04:01be stressful enough without you standing around hassling me okay if you want to go for a swim be my
04:05guest the water looks too cold yeah water always looks cold unless it's bubbling my neuropathy my
04:13extremity is a number than a tongue at the dentist
04:16oh it's like soup in your hop what's wrong now I can't see how deep it is you know I don't like to
04:32get my ears wet there you go perfect warmth perfect depth and my ears are bone dry now please just let
04:48me relax give a big seven seat welcome to our very own 1984 aqua road fan pacific guns
04:59madeline me your fun captain renaldo now let's get naughty we have a good time here don't we
05:11have so many beautiful faces but only one can be mermaid of the day which entitles her to 15%
05:18of our whale watching tour on her next visit whale sightings not guaranteed now let me see what you're got
05:24oh come on distance distance you are not our mermaid of the day you're embarrassing me
05:37not cool mom tricking your child into exercise is a form of bullying quiet Arthur your six-pack
05:53Jack will thank me later world pool left I'm not I'm sorry I'm left handed yeah well left all right it stays inside thank you
06:05oh thank god a little bit of shush now ladies please it's time to announce mermaid of the day and there can be only one
06:21one and it's the vision in leopard print maggie
06:26oh my god
06:42she's in what love Robbie it was like watching two wet cats on hate I'm honestly disgusted
06:53disgusted or jealous I mean he does have mesmerizing hips well he sounds great yeah well I'm keeping an eye on
07:00him no no biting get that out of your mouth right now
07:03uh am I interrupting your hands-on time I'm in a ball pit Arthur and it's literal hell I've already seen three band-aids
07:11none of them were on people do you know where this is do I know where your wife is no she keeps disappearing
07:17she said she was heading out after breakfast and that was the last I saw of her I've had to look after the kids all day Arthur
07:23all day Robbie it's 10 a.m. I mean I can drop them off with you for a bit while I get some R&R
07:28absolutely not now don't forget to sanitize ball pits are like kitty litter for toddlers
07:33bye
07:34please
07:36mama needs a Mai Tai
07:44shipmate
07:45what are you hiding fun captain
08:00oh
08:02oh
08:04hello
08:06no
08:07you can't be having a perfect time
08:08that should be in your inbox now I've taken two shots and you can see the whole thing
08:20tell me what you think sweetie
08:29the fun captain sure seems adventurous
08:32I don't want any funny business tonight Arthur
08:35no fighting with your sister or blowing bubbles in your drink and do not mention the resort staff have I made myself clear
08:44well mum it's pretty obvious the resort staff here want to disappear me they didn't even put my name on the welcome message on the TV
08:50oh enough Arthur
08:53how do I look
08:55gee your malachite earrings and your favourite dress leave some for the rest of us mum
09:00let's do one of those things the kids do before they go out
09:02a cap
09:04why would I want a hat Arthur
09:05no
09:07one of the phone things you know what are they called
09:10oh a selfie
09:11yeah that's it
09:13here's my phone
09:15oh I have missed a few messages Arthur
09:19do we know a Rinaldo
09:21yes mum that's the fun captain the man you keep gushing over
09:25yes Rinaldo oh I'm gonna remember that
09:28hmm
09:30hey Arthur can you tell me what this is
09:33no no no I know what that is
09:35oh it's like a normal one but it's smaller and blue
09:41blue
09:44mum this is a pickleball court
09:46dear Maggie I wish to court you
09:48please join me tomorrow afternoon for a round of pickleball
09:50pickleball
09:52pickleball sounds delicious
09:56hey mum this is the only message Rinaldo sent you
09:58yeah well we only just met Arthur
10:01what else would he send me
10:05nothing
10:06nothing
10:14grasshopper
10:19Rinaldo didn't send those pics to mum
10:21then what did he send them to
10:22maybe he banked a few snaps for the archives
10:25some people like to have pics like that on hand
10:27also I've heard
10:28yeah well I just don't want mum getting hurt that's all
10:38her or you
10:39what's that supposed to mean
10:40well this is the first time you've seen her mum have feelings for a guy that isn't our father
10:44think you're protecting yourself
10:45this finally came home I see
10:52she seems happy
10:54that's the problem
10:56she's never like this unless
10:58she's getting some holiday honey from a bee that ain't me
11:02alright
11:03well I think I am going to call it a night
11:06please make sure Keelan doesn't drink any more soy sauce
11:09already we haven't eaten yet
11:10well you might not have
11:11I've been snacking all day
11:13I'm worn out
11:15mmm
11:17see?
11:18see what?
11:19you have no clue about women
11:20it's the fun captain
11:21what a gorgeous crew
11:22permission to board?
11:23what do we think kids?
11:25do we let this cast away onto our ship?
11:28fun captain! fun captain!
11:31you're looking a bit ruddy there Jack
11:33did someone forget their lotion?
11:34he's just getting in some vitamin D
11:37you know how it is
11:41my forehead
11:44here use that huggy or you are she
11:48yes well
11:50the opposite of arigato to both of you
11:53let our guests not be hungry
11:56chop chop
11:57mouths open friends
11:58oh
11:59yes
12:00yes
12:01yes
12:02oh
12:05oh
12:06oh
12:07goodness me
12:08oh my dress
12:09let me help you fix that
12:10oh
12:12hey what about my chop chop?
12:14forgive me Maggie I hope I haven't ruined your dress
12:17this old thing
12:18oh
12:19it's nothing special
12:22everything about you was special
12:25wait till you see the corn on my left foot
12:28some say it looks like Tasmania
12:30maybe we should get back to the others
12:39yeah
12:41we probably should
12:47what the fuck
12:48chop chop
12:49oh
12:52ow
12:54my eye
12:55my eye
13:05are you kidding me
13:06are you kidding me?
13:07do you know where mum is?
13:09mum's looking for her
13:10no I've not seen either of your mums this morning
13:11ew
13:12your eye looks gross
13:13oh man
13:14oh
13:15oh
13:16oh
13:18oh
13:19oh
13:20oh
13:21oh
13:22oh
13:23oh
13:24oh
13:25oooh
13:26oooh
13:27do you know where mum is?
13:28mum's looking for her
13:29oh
13:30ow
13:31I've not seen either of your mums this morning
13:34ew
13:35your eye looks gross
13:38Oh, man.
14:07Another woman.
14:08Mm-hmm.
14:09Gee, the staff at this place really know how to pop their own bubble wrap, don't they?
14:12Yeah, and what do you think I should do?
14:14It's just a nasty case of pinko.
14:15Not much you can do other than call compression and keep it protected.
14:18I mean about telling Mum what I saw.
14:20Speaking of which...
14:22Can you believe they took my licence away from me?
14:30It's like riding a bike.
14:33And like riding a bike, I think we'll wear helmets next time.
14:36Oh, for goodness sake.
14:42Surprise!
14:43What are you doing here?
14:45Haven't you got video games to play?
14:47We thought we'd squeeze in some of that family time you planned, remember?
14:51Doubles it is.
14:53Maggie and I are a team.
14:54Oh, well, that means no other partners, yeah?
14:57No mixed doubles.
14:58Sure, we'll start on the north side of the court.
15:01And you'll stay on the north side of the court.
15:04Don't go wandering into anyone else's south side.
15:09You're going to make it more interesting?
15:11Oh, I'm plenty interested.
15:14The grand formal dinner's tonight.
15:16Winner gets private supper for two.
15:18Looks like Robbie and I will be enjoying supper tonight, then.
15:22Huh.
15:26I don't want supper with you.
15:28I don't even know what supper is.
15:33All right.
15:34What are you doing?
15:50Are you going to do it?
15:52Oh, shit.
16:00Time now.
16:01Time.
16:01Time.
16:02I've seen actual pickles play better pickleball than you.
16:05They're not any better.
16:06I'm exhausted from parenting.
16:08I swear Melody and Killing can smell weakness.
16:11They're still missing in action, huh?
16:14She just evaporates in the morning
16:15and then comes floating in on cloud nine every night.
16:19And I'm sure she's seen someone else.
16:21And it just makes me think that being cheated on sucks.
16:25I tell you, those two are one nasty Nelson away from a golden pickle.
16:29Let's set up a shake and bake, dink them into the kitchen and send them home in a body bag.
16:36God, I love it when you talk dirty.
16:38Oh, Robbie, I almost forgot.
16:44Your wife, Liz, says hi.
16:46I bumped into her and Jenny, the resort manager, down at the beach.
16:50And she looked very happy indeed.
16:53Who does this guy think he is?
16:56Annihilate him, Arthur.
16:57It's my eye.
17:20I have no depth perception.
17:22A bit different to video games, isn't it?
17:28Thanks, Mum.
17:29It's getting ridiculous, Mum.
17:51That door handle's going to go toes if you don't cool it with a sock action.
17:54We haven't spent any quality time together this whole trip.
17:57I didn't want to make your holiday any more stressful than it already is.
18:03Why don't me and you just go have dinner somewhere else?
18:05Just you and me.
18:07Oh, definitely Sunstroke.
18:10Greetings one and all.
18:11Quick, remind me, what's his name?
18:14My championess.
18:16Oh, hello, you.
18:18That's a rather laissez-faire interpretation of formal wear.
18:24Yeah, well, I would have gotten changed, but someone was in my room.
18:28Who?
18:29You and Ronaldo.
18:30Ronaldo?
18:32That's it.
18:33Maggie.
18:34Private supper awaits.
18:38Don't wait up.
18:39I have to.
18:44I don't have a bed.
18:50Arthur.
18:51There you are.
18:53I've been trying to find you.
18:55Big news.
18:56So.
18:57Oh, I just, um, I forgot that I left something in the room.
19:00I'll be back in however long it takes.
19:03Can you?
19:04You are outrageous.
19:08Honestly.
19:08I feel helpless, Arthur.
19:11Then go after her.
19:12The only thing worse than missing the bus is chasing it and missing it anyway.
19:16Yeah, righto.
19:17What's the big news?
19:19I asked a friend to do some digging into stepdaddy fun captain.
19:23Our Captain Ronaldo's real name is Ron West.
19:26He's been married six times and is up to his eyeballs in debt.
19:30I knew it.
19:31You can practically see the gold digging glint in his eye.
19:35Speaking of eyes, try this.
19:40Now I'm going to go save Mum.
19:44Ron West will not be eating supper tonight.
19:48Whatever supper is.
19:50Yeah.
19:59I'm an old man.
20:00Watching you on the court today, Maggie.
20:03Like a lioness hunting a wounded gazelle.
20:07Nature at its finest.
20:10Hush.
20:13Ronaldo.
20:14Have you ever dreamed of escaping from all this?
20:17Going far, far away.
20:20To Queensland?
20:21Not that far, but somewhere.
20:24What about the kids?
20:25Oh, sometimes you've got to let them sink a little before they can sail.
20:30Now, I know we've only known each other for a few days.
20:34But there's something important I need to ask you.
20:36Stop!
20:37Mum, I have some bad news.
20:52What on earth is happening, Arthur?
20:53Not now, chap.
20:54Can't you see your mother and I having a little private time?
20:56You cannot marry this man.
20:58Marry?
20:59Who said anything about marriage?
21:01You're on one knee.
21:02I was stretching out a pickleball cramp.
21:04You might know the feeling if you ever exercise.
21:07This man is not who he says he is.
21:08You're not, Ronaldo.
21:09His real name is Ron West.
21:11So I sprinkled a little Spanish spice on the name.
21:14That's not a crime.
21:15He's been married six times.
21:17To the same woman.
21:19It was a very complicated relationship.
21:21But he was sending photos to his sweetie.
21:24Dr Ian Sweet, my urologist.
21:27But, but I saw you with the woman in the hall.
21:31Bernice is my sister and she's going through a very rough patch.
21:35You kiss your sister on the lips?
21:36Some families kiss on the lips, some don't.
21:38Any more wild accusations?
21:41Nope, that about covers it.
21:45Um, this all looks lovely.
21:48But what did you want to ask me?
21:52I was wondering if you would like to watch my heat
21:55from the 1984 Pan Pacific Aquarobics Championships.
22:01My nephew uploaded the old VHSs onto YouTube recently.
22:06Would I like to see even more of you?
22:08Hmm, I'd rather throw myself overboard.
22:12Mum, this isn't a cruise.
22:14Oh, then why is he dressed as a sailor?
22:17I'm the fun captain.
22:18Oh, you're exhausting.
22:20Okay, I might just leave you to it.
22:22Oh, you're just as bad, Arthur.
22:24Look, don't get me involved in this.
22:26Well, you're not exactly blending into the wallpaper, are you?
22:31Oh, you know, between the two of you,
22:34I feel like I've spent the whole holiday feeding male egos.
22:38Quite frankly, I haven't had one minute to nourish myself.
22:44I'm off to find a nightcap.
22:48Oh, and you two can have the supper.
22:56Oh, so this is supper.
22:58Huh.
22:59Oh, and we had a bottle of red wine from the minibar.
23:08Perfect.
23:09But the fun captain did talk my ear off for the week,
23:12so let's call that square.
23:14Maggie.
23:17Nice to see you again.
23:19I want to say, Peter?
23:21Yeah.
23:22It's fine, Ron.
23:23I...
23:24I'm sorry I disappointed you.
23:29I thought we had something special.
23:31Oh, we'll always have the hydrotherapy, Paul.
23:36I'll never forget you, Maggie boy.
23:38Don't take this personally,
23:40but I probably will forget you.
23:49What's wrong with you?
23:50I did my best, Arthur,
23:51but Melody and Keelan are now from a broken home.
23:54Oh, Robbie.
23:55I blame myself for being too generous.
23:58Robbie?
24:02I made this...
24:04for you.
24:07It's...
24:08perfect.
24:11I've been working on it all week.
24:13Jenny helped me source the shells.
24:15There were some prototypes
24:16that didn't survive the firing process,
24:18but once I got the glue-to-shell ratio right...
24:21whoo!
24:22Couldn't stop me!
24:24So you're not leaving me?
24:26Lea...
24:26Leaving you?
24:27I spent all week
24:28making your anniversary present.
24:31Oh.
24:32Of course.
24:33Anniversary!
24:34Yeah.
24:36A very important day.
24:37Yeah.
24:38A very special...
24:40Yeah.
24:41Wonderful.
24:4214th...
24:4317th.
24:4317th anniversary, yeah.
24:45It's really...
24:46You forgot, didn't you?
24:49No.
24:49No?
24:49No.
24:50Ha!
24:51Really?
24:51Yeah!
24:54Some breath mints.
24:56Because you're as fresh as a damn...
24:59Don't touch me.
25:00Okay.
25:01I'd like you to take a good, hard look at yourself in that mirror, Roberta.
25:05Well, we hope you had a more than adequate stay, Mr. Boy.
25:21I'm going to sit down.
25:23Thank you, Jenny.
25:24And despite your efforts, I had a great time.
25:26Hello, ladies.
25:38My title is Activities Director.
25:42And that reminds me of my father.
25:44Call me the fun captain.
25:45Oh, he is funny.
25:50What a charmer.
25:52Oh, my God.
25:53Mum, promise me we'll never go on holiday again.
25:56Oh, too late, Arthur.
25:58I've already booked the same dates for next year.
26:01You what?
26:02Well, I've got 15% off the whale watching.
26:05All right, fine.
26:07But this time, I'm in charge of the T-shirts.
26:09Arthur, I think one of the neighbours might be putting stuff in our bin.
26:17Is that Harvey Street Police Station?
26:19How do you sleep at night, huh?
26:20I don't.
26:21My mum is too loud.
26:24I've got a nosy neighbour.
26:25They keep calling the cops on me.
26:27The police?
26:28I totally didn't expect this.
26:29Oh, it's going to feel like the Sopranos if you don't watch your mouth.
26:32Arthur is going deaf.
26:34I said I'm prison.
26:36That thing probably still has your grandpa's earwax on it.
26:40Everyone take cover!
26:41Everybody wants someone to stay.
26:50Everybody wants someone to stay.
26:57Everybody wants someone to stay.
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